Torchwood bedtime stories
by x-Athenea-x
Summary: A collection of short stories about the lives of the Torchwood members. No plot, just random stories.
1. Chapter 1: Misunderstood

This is the first part of a collection of short-stories about the lives of the torchwood members. No plot, just random stories. Ofcourse i do not own TW!

Reviews are nice. Especially now that i'm in the middle of exams in my dormroom all alone with only my books and an internet connection :P

**Misunderstood**

The girls quickly rushed to Ianto when he entered the main area of the hub with five cups of steaming hot coffee. They both took their cup and hurried to savor the coffee taste.

"Thanks love", Gwen said and she moved in to kiss his cheek. "You're a lifesaver".

Ianto sighted contently. Somehow Gwen always knew when he had a bad day and always knew what to say or do to make it just a bit better. He smiled fondly at her and replied with a gentle "anytime".

"Where's Owen? I still have his cup", Ianto asked.

"He's up in Jack's office", said Gwen. Ianto however failed to notice her cheeks turning slightly redder as she turned from him.

Ianto walked up the stairs and softly knocked on Jack's door whilst desperately trying to balance the tray. A forceful "come in" gave him the ok to enter.

As he walked in he was hit by a very familiar odor he knew too well. **Jack**. **Sweat**. **Sex**.

He looked over to Jack and a soft cough distracted his attention for his boss. On the couch sat a laid-back Owen, sweaty, shirt slightly open and hair ruffled up.

_Oh God. Jack and Owen?_ Ianto felt sick at the very thought.

His mouth dropped open slightly but he quickly regained his posture. "Just making the coffee rounds".

He handed Owen his cup without making eye contact and he placed Jack's cup on his desk, with a louder thud than usual, spilling just a little bit of coffee.

Without even so much glancing at both men he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Choking back the tears he walked - ran- downstairs, eyes red at the strain.

"You ok Ianto?", asked Tosh. She had heard the door slam shut and wondered what the commotion was about.

"Yep, bloody brilliant Tosh! I'll be in the archives".

Ianto disappeared and not to be seen for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

Around 4 o'clock Ianto was startled by the sudden noise coming from his earpiece.

A familiar voice with a distinct American accent spoke: "Ianto where are you? Haven't seen you all afternoon? Are you ok?". The questions followed each other in a high speed and there was a presence of panic and neediness.

Ianto rolled his eyes. _He's the last person I want to speak to_. He tapped his earpiece and answered. "Yep Sir, just working down in the archives".

"Sir?", replied Jack "You sure you're alright?"

"Yep. Just busy".

"I was thinking … maybe we could go for a walk later on? Just the two of us?" If Ianto hadn't been so mad at him, he might have thought that the apprehension in Jack's voice was cute. But in the state he was in, he failed to recognize Jack's need for approval. Or even more so, he did not care.

"Can't sir, lots of work. Maybe you can ask OWEN". _Fuck_, he thought, _I'm sounding like a jealous teenager_. _Hell no, I am NOT going to let him find out I'm upset. "_You know or one of the girls".

Jack's voice was bursting with disappointment. "Maybe yeah. I'll see you later?"

"Whatever".

* * *

Ten minutes later the door to the archives opened. Ianto jumped up at the sound, nearly dropping everything. _Who on earth could that be? I am the only one who dared venture out in here. _

His question was quickly answered as a sheepishly looking Jack approached him with one hand behind his back. He came very close to Ianto – too close- and softly placed a kiss on his nose. "Hey there, good to see you".

"Is it?", snapped Ianto. He dropped his file and he bent down to pick it up, relieved that he did no longer need to look at him. As he got up he was confronted by Jack grinning and holding out a cupcake. Milk chocolate with dark chocolate chip. His favorite.

"What's that for?"

"Because you work too hard and I wanted to spoil you". Hesitantly Jack continued: "And … I've missed you".

"You have?", snorted Ianto. "You **missed **me?", trying his very best to sound as sarcastic as possible. He rolled his eyes and went back to work.

"Why is that so hard to understand?", Jack asked, now visibly upset.

" WELL, I figured that since you've found yourself another office shag that I didn't matter anymore to you".

The words were falling out of his mouth and he could do nothing to stop them.

"I mean, who are we kidding right? Like we ever could be serious. The thing that pisses me off is that it's Owen. Of all people you could shag … Owen?!"

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Ianto wait … "

Ianto didn't hear his plee and kept on ranting: "I mean he called me part-time shag so many times and now he's the one replacing me. Why not Gwen? I mean she's been ogling you ever since she stepped through our door so she would be an easy target. Or maybe that's it?"

"Ianto, please listen"

"Maybe it's not about the sex, maybe it's about your fucking ego and it needing to be stroked once in a while. Well pardon the pun".

"Ianto …"

"Maybe you get off on a challenge. Yeah that's probably it. The harder to get, the harder YOU get. Should have figured out a long time ago. What the fuck is it about you, fucking Harkness. You pull people back in and the minute people find a way to escape from your claws, you drag them back into your miserable life …"

"IANTO! ENOUGH!"

Suddenly Ianto snapped out of his rant and for the first time he LOOKED at Jack. He was still standing there, now grin-less and tear-filled but still holding out the cupcake.

"I don't think you understand Yan".

"No, I understand". He opened his mouth to continue on with his rant but as he saw a single tear drop from Jack's beautiful blue eyes he quickly changed his mind.

Jack gulped. "I'm not sleeping with Owen".

"What? The room smelled like …"

Jack laughed. "Yeah, I caught Owen and Gwen going at it this morning".

Ianto scoffed: "In your office?!"

Jack soon smiled when he noticed Ianto's rage subsiding. "Yeah. Rude isn't? Then again I can't count the time we've done it on their desks so I guess we can let it slip away".

"Oh", said Ianto. "OH".

Jack came closer, grabbed Ianto's hand and placed the cupcake on it.

Ianto looked down and he got a lump in his throat. The little cupcake was decorated and on the very top of the cupcake stood three symbols: I heart U

"Ooh …", Ianto gulped and mumbled: "likewise".

Neither men were good with words and it took a lot of strength from both men being so honest. Most of the time it didn't matter as they both knew instinctively what the other felt. Words were unnecessary but some times they were needed to clear the frustration and ambiguity. Ianto put his arms around Jack's neck and kissed him softly. Jack returned the kiss with passion and slid his hands from Ianto's chest to his back. Not in a possessive manner, but more as an act of support. As they broke apart, Jack gently kissed Ianto's forehead.

"I hope you liked my present".

"Loads". Ianto smiled fondly.

Jack chuckled. "I can NOT believe you thought I'd sleep with Owen. And you … you were soooooooo jealous".

"OI, Was not!", Ianto playfully slapped Jack.

Jack raised his eyebrows : "really?" He wiggled his eyebrows which made both of them laugh.

"I guess I did kind of overreact …", confessed a flustered Ianto.

"Yes you did. Big time". With his signature grin he added: "And I wouldn't want it otherwise. Enjoy the cupcake".

And in an impressive way, the captain walked out of the archives, with a huge smile on his face and a renewed spring in his step.


	2. Chapter 2: Missing you

note: ok, for some reason i keep on writing stories about Ianto lol. I'll put up some stories about the rest but the muses came to me today and i found this piece so beautiful that i had to share. The song is "was it a dream?" by 30 seconds to mars.

**Missing you.**

"Guess what I've got?", exclaimed Ianto as he walked through the main area of the hub with a gorgeous black guitar in his hands. No one took notice of what he had said. They were too busy bickering. Bickering over what a prick Jack was for leaving them stranded on a deserted island without their leader.

Gwen with her oh-so-bleeding heart letting everyone know exactly how she felt. Ianto loved her – he really did- but he hated that she acts like she's the one who is hurting the most. Always putting herself first when it came to Jack. _She knows well enough that I'm with him. Why couldn't she back off? If not out of respect for Jack, maybe out of respect for me. After all, I consider her a friend._

Owen, _you sick insensitive bastard_. Ianto knew well that underneath his ranting, screaming and mumbling, he was hurt as well. Like they all were_. At least he had the decency to shut up and get on with work. _Funnily enough, it was Owen who regularly checked up on Ianto. Not in words, but in action. Dragging him to the pub after work. Making sure he left the hub at night. Making sure he didn't wallow too much. He appreciated it, but Ianto would never tell him.

Toshiko. Now Ianto felt for Tosh. She had been acting so brave. Out of the corner of his eyes he could sometimes see her wipe tears away. Quickly and silently, so that no one would notice her pain. Sometimes he would go up to her and just hug her for no reason. Just because he knew she needed it. And if he was completely honest with himself, also for his sake.

But at this very moment he looked at his team and once again they were bickering. He wanted to yell, to scream. Tell them to shut the fuck up. They may have lost their boss, but Ianto lost his lover, leader and his best friend. For once he wanted to be selfish and not take care of the others. But of course none of these feelings were ever shared with the rest of the team.

He looked over Tosh's desk and saw something that hurt him deeply. It was a picture of the team taken three months ago and just after his suspension. Even though the atmosphere in the hub was damped and depressing, Owen managed to snap a picture of one of the happiest moments during that time. Jack played a childish prank on Gwen: he had put on a weevil mask and had crept up behind her, scaring the living shit out of her, Tosh and Ianto. When he took off the mask, everyone burst into a laughing fit. Gwen slapped Jack playfully and Tosh fell to the floor as she jumped out of her chair. Ianto on the other hand had dropped the tray he was holding containing two cups of cold leftover coffee. He had spilt them down his pants and it looked like he had peed himself. Jack of course, being an eternal child, had found this highly amusing. But when he saw the sad look on Ianto's face he had pulled Ianto into a friendly hug and jokingly said that he still looked pretty hot in that suit. Tosh regained her posture and Gwen had calmed down. Both girls came near the pair and smiled broadly. SNAP. Moment caught on camera. What the photo didn't show was that afterwards Jack had caught Ianto crying softly in the bathroom. He made Ianto talk to him, staying with him as long as the tears were running and little by little dragging the truth out of him. It was then that he confessed that he was feeling guilty for his momentarily happiness, for being alive whilst Lisa was not. Instead of trying to change Ianto's mind, Jack had just sat next to him, cradling him in his arms and whispering one sentence over and over again: All will be better soon.

Ianto sat down on the stairs leading up to Jack's office, placed the picture in front of him, took the guitar he found in the storage room and started caressing the strings. Not too soon after some beautiful chords filled the hub. In a low, soft and harmonious voice he sang:

_Your defenses were on high  
Your__ walls built deep inside  
Yeah I can be selfish bastard  
But at least I'm not gone  
My intentions never change  
What I want still stays the same  
And I know what I should do  
it's time to set myself free  
Was it a dream?  
Was it a dream?  
Is this the only evidence that proves it  
A photograph of you and I_

_  
Your reflection I've erased  
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays  
Believe me when I say goodbye_

_Forever is for good  
Was it a dream?  
Was it a dream?  
Is this the only evidence that proves  
A photograph of you and I  
Was it a dream?  
Was it a dream?  
_

As the last chords were played he cleared his throat to push away the lingering emotion. He was surprised that the hub was completely silent. He looked up to see the girls paused in their thoughts, both with undeniable tears in their eyes. Even Owen was silent and looked at Ianto with concern. As stoic as ever, Ianto got up and left, back to the archives, ignoring the comforting words from his colleagues.

When he emerged from the archives, four hours later, everyone else was gone.

The silence was deafening. Not a word. Not an inappropriate comment. Not a cheerful chuckle. No sign of Jack. His absence was louder than his presence.

He decided to go home. The rift was quiet and if something would happen, the program would sent out an alarm directly to their phones. He entered the tourist office and saw a note on his desk. He picked it up and immediately recognized Owen's handwriting. He opened the note and there was only one sentence:

_Another ditch in the road, keep moving. _

Ianto sighted. That is exactly what he didn't want to do. Move on. He closed the door from the inside, returned to the hub and walked into Jack's office. He laid down on the couch he knew so well and held on to the only cushion. If he held it tight enough, there might be still a lingering aroma of the captain.


	3. Chapter 3: Uncovered secrets

note: So what happens when Owen and Ianto have a little late night MSN chat?! Random silliness

**Uncovered Secrets**

_Ianto Jones has just logged in. _

Owen: OI tea boy, wot r u doing chatting this hour? I TOLD u that u should get mo sleep last week.

Ianto: Hello Owen. I know. But it's ok. Jack gave me the morning off so I'll be in late. Probably at the same time you will be …

Owen: U 'aving a go me?

Ianto: Always Owen

Owen: Prick

Ianto: Bastard

* * *

_Gwen Cooper has just logged in._

Gwen: hello sweetheart, I guess you can't sleep as well

Ianto: Hi Gwen, why can't you sleep?

Gwen: Your fault

Ianto: Mine?

Gwen: Yes the last bash of your delicious coffee was a bit strong…

Ianto: Aah yes. At the captain's request: industrial strength. I'll remember not to make yours so strong then. Sorry.

Gwen: Aah not too worry my pet. You already have too much going on inside that head of yours :-)

Gwen: Ianto?

Ianto: Yes Gwen

Gwen: How are you? You know after everything …

* * *

Ianto: Anything to tell me Owen?

Owen: No.

Ianto: You sure?

Owen: Wot would I ever need to tell u?

Ianto: Oh I don't know. Something you might do. Something that was not so right. Something that you might feel guilty about …

Ianto: Hang on … Scrap the last one.

Owen: Wot r u going on about?

Ianto: :-)

Owen: Ianto? Spill!

Ianto: Are you and Gwen involved?

Owen: Involved how?

Ianto: Well you know … INVOLVED ;-)

Owen: No. She has a boyfriend remember. Rhys. Big bloke with a short fuse. I ain't touching that with a stick.

Ianto: Really?

Ianto: U sure?

Owen: Yes Ianto I am sure. It's not like I'm capable of shagging in my sleep.

Owen: Hang on, that would be so cool.

Ianto: If nothing is going on, then why is she at your apartment at 3 in the morning?

Owen: What? She ain't …

Ianto: Your ip-adress and hers are the same …

Owen: Oh … FFS!! Stop hacking my pc you evil fucker

Ianto: busted!! :-P

* * *

Ianto: I'm fine Gwen. No need to worry.

Gwen: You always say that. And I still don't believe you, pet. But you know I'm there for you right?

Ianto: Yeah I do. Thanks love.

Gwen: Anytime pet.

Gwen: I'm logging off in a minute. So I'll see you later?

Ianto: Yep, with a nice cup waiting for you :-)

Gwen: Thanks!

_Gwen Cooper has logged off._

* * *

Owen: Ianto?

Ianto: Yes Owen.

Owen: Is there something YOU need to tell ME?

Owen: I won't say anything If u don't…

Ianto: OK, I confess. I did put rat poison in your coffee last night.

Owen: OI, don't go there with ur past.

Ianto: Owen, that was uncalled for. You know I wouldn't.

Owen: Get off ur high horse teaboy, just kidding. Anyway, anything u care to confess?

Ianto: No not really.

Owen: u sure?

Ianto: Yes Owen.

Owen: Hmph that's funny because u left ur webcam on. Tell Jack to put on boxers when he walks by. Last thing I need to see is him "waving hello" at me.

Owen: Ianto u still there mate?

Owen: OI stop doing that! Put some trousers on.

Owen: Seriously that's just nasty. Jack I know u can read this. STOP IT!

Owen: STOP DOING THAT AND LOOKING AT THE WEBCAM!

Owen: DON'T WINK AT ME!

Owen: Oh fuck it.

_Owen Harper has logged off._


	4. Chapter 4: The morning after

note: this story is just so very cute.

**The morning after.**

Ianto had walked around cheerfully through the hub all day. Whistling, joking and sometimes even hopping across the familiar territory. He had one reason to be that frivolous: last night. Last night was the first night Jack had stayed over since he came back and both men knew it was a big deal. It had been three weeks since he mysteriously reappeared and much to Ianto's surprise, Jack had gone through with the idea of dating. He had surprised Ianto with a picnic on a deserted valley and it had been just wonderful. However, both had decided to take things slow. This time they had to get it right. Get to know each other again, like two individuals and not like two members of torchwood. As Jack put it… dinner and movie like a normal couple. They had done that and it felt unnaturally right. So right that the pieces of the puzzle came into place.

He looked over at the autopsy bay and observed the object of his affection for a while. Jack was helping Owen analyzing a specific alien specimen. He saw frustration on Owen's face. Ianto guessed that Jack stood in the way, but Owen humored him anyway. He watched Jack's elegant moves, _that _smile, those hands. He sniggered at the thought of Jack being so deliciously camp yet so very masculine.

Owen walked up the stairs and nodded at Ianto.

"Any chance of a refill?", Owen asked whilst shaking his empty coffee mug.

"Of course", Ianto replied. "Just leave the cup in the kitchen, I'll start brewing in a minute".

As Owen exited the main area of the hub, Ianto walked down the autopsy bay. Silently, he crept up behind Jack, softly squeezed his bottom and gently put his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulders. Being so close to Jack, flashbacks of last night invaded his mind.

_The slow and agonizing thrusting, the feather light touches on their skin, the deepened kisses, the sweaty panting … it had never been so sweet and never been so loving. Mostly it had been fast and hard and still mind-blowing. But last night was different. He was different. Since Jack was back he was more of a lover, than a fast but satisfying fuck on the job._

Jack moaned for a moment. "Owen, I never thought you felt that way"

"OI!", Ianto gently kicked Jack's shins, only to elicit a delicious chuckle.

"I don't know about you", continued Jack, "but I keep on thinking about last night".

"Really? I can't get over it either', replied Ianto, so content feeling Jack's body so close to his. Jack turned around but not breaking the embrace.

He let out a satisfied sigh while he caressed Ianto's cheeks. "You know, this is kind of hot … no one knows about us".

"Like our very own dirty little secret", retorted Ianto with a cautious smile.

"Last night was … ", Jack grinned "… delicious". As he said those words, Jack came close to Ianto, their mouths now so close he could feel the hotness of his breath on his lips.

"Oh yes, it sure was". Ianto moved in to close the distance between the men and kissed him gently. Slow and shallow but pouring so much emotion in it, nearly breaking the captain's heart. Hearts soon began racing and breathing became erratic and unpredictable. Fingertips brushed along familiar territory, longing for skin contact. Ianto pushed Jack onto the cabinet they were standing next to, seemingly without effort. His strong arms still snaked around the captain, hoping never to let go of such a luscious touch . The kisses deepened and both men soon found themselves lost in each other. Forgetting what they had been doing and where they were.

Jack broke off the kiss and gasped for air. He cupped Ianto cheek and held him closely to him.

"Oh Ianto Jones, the things you do to me".

Ianto grinned and blushed at the same time. Happy the words were directed at him but also slightly embarrassed of the honest confession.

Suddenly someone behind them cleared their throat.

Both men froze on the spot. Ianto mouthed the words "shit" and Jack looked up to face the one who had caught them red-handed. Owen.

_Shit_, he thought, _why did it have to be him_. Owen had a knack of milking out embarrassing and agonizing situations. He knew that they will suffer for a long time for this.

A hint of panic rushed through Jack's eyes and this did not go unnoticed. Ianto stepped back and straightened out his jacket. "Jack, I still haven't found the report on the hoix yet".

Owen snorted. "Where you looking for it in his throat?"

Jack's eyes widened but Ianto mainly turned around, grinned and replied: "Well, I always have been thorough".

Jack managed to get a grip on himself and started actually helping. "C-c-coffee? Please Ianto?"

"Of course sir", he said, faultlessly falling back to the butler-roll. "Industrial strength I presume?"

Jack nodded whilst he straightened out his own clothes and jumped off the cabinet.

"Lets get back to analyzing, shall we Owen?"

As Owen walked towards the men, Ianto winked at Jack and softly squeezed his bottom. Jack jumped up and chuckled. For someone who was perceived to be so uptight, Ianto had a flair for spontaneity. Owen walked pass Ianto and rolled his eyes dramatically.

In an attempt to give back as hard as he received, Ianto turned to Owen again and innocently asked: "Still care for a taste Owen?"

Owen turned bright red in seconds.

"Of coffee ofcourse?", continued an ever so angelic Ianto.

"Uhm yes Ianto. That would be lovely".

"Be right back". Ianto skipped the first few steps of the stairs.

"By all means, take your time".

For the rest of the day Ianto walked around the hub with a grin gracing his flawless features, knowing he had pushed Owen into a delicate corner.

"checkmate"


	5. Chapter 5: Countryside blues

So basically, "Countrycide" is one of my favorite episodes. But i was annoyed at how little attention was spent on how the team dealt with the whole thing. Gwen got her fair share of it but the others didn't get that much attention. This is my way of correcting their mistake. Very angsty but what else do you expect? Reviews are always very much appreciated.

**Countryside Blues  
**

"The whole village. The whole damned village was in on it" Jack said to the police officer in charge. "We came here because we were following up on a lead - sorry, need to know- and we stumbled on this. My god, my team were nearly …"

Jack slumped his head and leaned up against the car, slowly taking deep cleansing breaths. "My team were held hostage and they were planning to kill them until I disrupted the party". Jack gulped audibly, pushing back the atrocious thoughts in his mind.

The police officer looked at him with anguish. Just hearing about it made his skin crawl. And this flamboyant man had actually seen it happen. He could feel nothing but admiration for this guy called Jack Harkness. "Ok sir, I can take it from here. We'll contact Torchwood for further statements"

Jack walked over to Owen, who was busy checking over his colleagues. In front of him lay an injured Gwen, clutching her sides and breathing heavily.

Jack knelt down and put his hand on her shoulder. "How are you Gwen?"

"I don't know" she said. Tears fell from her brown eyes. "I really don't know"

Jack glanced at Owen. Owen cleared his throat and spoke silently. "Everyone's ok, physically. I've send Ianto to the hospital, he was in worse shape than everyone but he should be fine in a couple of weeks"

Gwen looked up. "Oh god .. Ianto. They _tenderized_ him" she scoffed. "Sick bastards. Oh god, I remember holding him, he was so scared Jack"

Jack put his finger on her lips, urging her to stop talking. "We all were Gwen. Now concentrate on breathing"

He faced Owen. "Where's tosh?"

"In the back of the suv. I think she's still processing things"

Jack clapped his hands and walked over to the driver's side of the car. "Ok kids, let's get home. This day has been drawn out long enough"

Back at the hub, chaos broke loose. It had been a couple of hours since they had left the little village in the countryside. Everything that had happened was starting to sink in and now that the adrenaline had ebbed away, the pain rose to maximum peak.

"How could they do that" shouted Gwen, "How?"

Tears ran down her cheeks and Jack just held her tight. She punched her fist repeatedly on his chest and Jack didn't mind. He understood. He wanted to punch the wall himself. Centuries of walking on this earth and he had never been so disgusted with his own kind.

"So many people Jack"

"I know Gwen. It's sick"

"For god's sake, Jack. What happened to make them this evil?"

Her legs no longer could hold them and she rapidly lost consciousness. Jack carried her to the couch and tried to wake her up by gently tapping her cheeks. As she opened her eyes, he greeted her with a sad smile. "You fainted Gwen. You need to calm down. I'll go get some water for you"

"No Jack, don't leave" She clung to his shirt and her pleading eyes locked with his. He sat down beside her, making room for her in his embrace and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Owen get some water please"

"Sure thing boss"

Owen himself had been shaking uncontrollably. His brain was on autopilot. Making sure everyone was ok. Running around with bandages, ointments and painkillers. Trying desperately not to think too deeply about what happened. He walked into the kitchen and found Tosh there. Standing in front of the sink, staring into distance and holding an empty glass.

"Tosh, you ok?" asked Owen quietly.

The woman tore away her eyes from the spot on the wall to look at Owen. "Oh god Owen, they were animals"

Owen rushed to her side as she broke down in tears. He held her tight, instinctively caressing her hair to soothe her. "I know, Tosh"

She grasped his neck and sobbed violently on his shoulder. The woman had never broke down like this before. No matter how much shit the rift had spat out, she had gracefully accepted it and just got on with it. But this, this was too much for everyone.

"Come on, let's go find the rest" he softly whispered.

Owen grabbed a bottle of water and four glasses. They walked over to Jack and Gwen, still holding onto each other, both tormented by images, sounds and smells.

Owen poured in four glasses with water and they all sipped it gratefully. Quietly sobbing, sniffing and staring into distance. Tosh still held onto Owen, not willing to let go of human contact, searching warmth and goodness in Owen and trying to erase the feeling of disgust. Gwen silently fell asleep, still crying through her disturbed dreams. Jack looked around and found himself counting his employees . _One member down, where was Ianto? _

He felt ashamed as he realized that he hadn't even thought about him in the last two hours, even though he was the one who was physically worst off. He felt ashamed for not noticing him entering, even though the alarm blared loudly. He just hadn't noticed, too caught up in his own misery and Gwen's. Well, he thought, at least Owen had checked up on his health. He heard paper bags rustling in the autopsy bay and decided to go check it out. When approaching, he found Ianto given the medical bay a clear over, picking up empty paper boxes and syringes and carefully placing them in the designated dustbins.

"Ianto, what are you doing? " Jack asked in shock.

A hoarse voice responded: "My job sir. The hub's a mess"

"That is hardly a priority today". Jack walked down the stairs to take a good look at his troubled employee. Seeing him up close like that send shivers down his spine. He could see both bloodstained eyes black and blue, a purple streak running across his cheeks and more disturbing off them all, a bloodied red line across his neck, dangerously close to his aorta. These fuckers knew what they were doing, he bitterly thought. He looked at his posture and noticed he was limping, his shoulders hanging lowly and trembling. His clothes were ripped apart, some places revealing bruises or bloodied flesh and his hands were disgustingly dirty with grime and blood. His blood.

"You shouldn't be doing this". He walked over and grabbed the trash bag out of Ianto's hands. "Just stop, will you? Just stop for a second" Jack said in a distress tone.

Ianto sighted and looked sideways. Jack gently touched his chin and turned his face. "Are you alright" he asked.

"Not too bad considering. Paramedics said I had two broken ribs, bruised hips and back and a light concussion. The rest is just slight bruising. It looks worse than it is." The words tumbled out of his mouth in a monotone manner. Just reacting, instead of acting.

"Bad enough for me" muttered Jack. "How did you even get here?"

"One of my mates drove the ambo. He gave me a ride back" Ianto replied.

"Oh right, you could have called Yan"

Ianto looked in shock. It had been a while since someone had called him by his nickname again. Lately it had either been "that guy", "Tea boy" or "Jones". Somewhere it felt good hearing his name out loud. "Yeah, but he offered before I could make a call"

"Right, what did Owen say?" inquired Jack.

"I haven't spoken to Owen since the parking lot sir"

"What? Oh god Ianto, I'm so sorry. I was busy with Gwen and Owen with Tosh"

"It's ok sir"

"No it isn't Ianto. There was no one to take care of you"

"I was in the hospital sir, best care there is"

"Ianto, you know what I mean"

"I'm fine sir"

"No you are not, Ianto". Jack started raising his voice. "How could you be? Beaten to a pulp and nearly eaten! Not so long after you lost your girlfriend"

Ianto averted his eyes. He hated being vulnerable in front of people. Especially his boss. And mentioning Lisa wasn't doing him any good. Today had been hard as it is.

Jack touched his cheek and that was enough to make him crack. The touch of another person, the warmth of his body, the affection of the gesture. He started weeping carelessly but he stepped back from Jack, not letting the man comfort him.

Jack forcefully grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him. He felt Ianto shudder and tremble and he cupped his cheeks and forced him into eye contact, trying to sooth him. "All will be well. I'm right here"

He placed a soft kiss on his forehead and rubbed his back. He was glad Ianto was crying, because he knew that if he didn't cry now, he'd be weeping himself to sleep later all alone. He was surprised to feel tears on his own skin, feeling torn by the man's heartache. He had been so close to losing his team again and he was glad he got to hug their fears away. Even Ianto, with whom he had a strenuous relationship since the incident with Lisa. But now at this moment, he could no longer care about his fury. It was all replaced by concern and sympathy. Who better than Jack Harkness, to understand physical pain and torment? He had been hurt so manytimes that he could no longer count them. And to think that someone so young as the man in his arms had gone through the same agony. Well, it just nearly broke his heart.

He felt Ianto grab his stomach. "Nauseous?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I'm sick to my stomach. Luckily I haven't eaten anything" replied Ianto.

Those words didn't exactly alleviate Jack's mind. "I'm going to give you something for it, ok?. Here's some oxycodone, this should do the trick"

He handed Ianto a glass of water and a pill. Ianto took the pill but his hands were shaking fiercely, making Jack cover Ianto's hands with his own and guiding the glass to his lips. "It's going to take a while before it works though"

Owen treaded silently through the autopsy bay and observed the tea boy from afar. _His tea boy._ No one else in the hub called him that. Before Lisa, they hadn't been close but he was fond of the guy. But recent weeks his fondness was pushed aside by fiery anger towards the man. But now, he was his patient. "Some Ativan might help Jack. He's nauseous because he's still in shock.

Jack walked to the medicine cabinet, reached for the cupboard again and grabbed the bottle of liquefied Ativan and a syringe. "No pills?" he asked the medic.

"Nope. I'm going back to Tosh. Can you handle him?"

Jack nodded.

He carefully watched Ianto's featured and saw a stream of tears running. He approached the young man and helped him steady himself. He rested his head in the crook of Jack's neck and grabbed his shirt. He sobbed violently into it leaving behind a wet patch. Jack wrapped one arm around him and with the other hand he expertly opened up the buttons on Ianto's jeans, pulled the back down slightly and inserted the syringe in a quick manner. "This should help. Come on, you should be in bed, resting"

He guided the distressed man to a pulled out stretcher, sat him down and covered him with two blankets, neatly tucking him in. Jack pushed Ianto's hair back as he was drifting off to sleep, letting the Ativan do it's work. Jack sat down on the ground besides the stretcher and held Ianto's hand, caressing it with his thumb. He stayed there until Ianto opened his wet eyes five hours later, fully knowing that for tonight, at least someone was taking care of him.

And Jack did not mind. It was his job to take care of them in their time of need. Owen was with the girls and he had stayed with Ianto. And not a single thing in the world could have torn him away from the hub that night.


	6. Chapter 6: Trust

note: As you might have noticed, "The cyberwoman" is one of my favorite episodes. One thing i never fully understand is, why and how the team started trusting Ianto again after the Lisa thing. Hope you enjoy my point of view!

May i just thank each and every one of you for reading this and reviewing. You are trully amazing. Whatever i write, i write it for you.

* * *

**Trust**

A tall, dark and handsome man in a trench coat was walking alone in the evening in the cold Cardiff weather. The streets were silent and his footsteps could be heard echoing off the walls. A puff of breath formed around his mouth as he breathed in and out, pacing through the night. Suddenly the man heard a faint scream. Terrified.

He stopped for a second, to make sure it wasn't a fiction of his imagination. Soon he heard angry growling coming from the alley behind him. He pulled out his gun and cocked it. Silently he crept towards the noise, making sure the culprit wasn't alarmed by his presence. He pressed his body against the wall and silently he dared to take a peek at the scene unfolding behind the corner. His eyes widened as he saw an angry beast chasing a terrified young girl. The young girl had managed to climb up a fire escape ladder and secure herself. For now.

The man cursed under his breath and quickly tapped his earpiece. "Sir, we have a problem"

A cheerful American voice resonated in his ear. "Please don't tell me there wasn't any chocolate ice cream in the shops, Ianto"

The man rolled his eyes and hissed: "No sir, that's not it. A young girl is being chased by a weevil in an alley"

"Shit" said the American. "Is she safe?"

"For now she's shielded, but the weevil will get to her eventually if we don't act"

"Okay, Tosh is locating the GPS-chip in your cell phone. We should be there in matter of minutes." Said Jack.

"Ok sir, hurry up. I don't know much time she's got" Ianto pleaded.

"We'll be there as fast as we can. And Ianto. Whatever you do, do NOT engage in a fight with the weevil. One man is not enough and I need you safe"

"Hurry sir"

He stayed there for a couple of minutes, silent and ready, praying the weevil wasn't intelligent enough to figure out how to pull down the fire escape ladder.

His heart sank when he saw the weevil reach for the ladder. It creaked eerily as the monster managed to pull it down. The young girl sitting on top was pale and sobbing, fearing her life will end. As soon as the weevil put his foot on the first step, Ianto shot into action. Firstly he pulled the trigger and pointed at the sky, trying to startle the beast. Unfortunately the weevil was locked in hunting mode and didn't even seem to register the noise.

Ianto noticed a heavy iron rod on the floor of the alley and quickly picked it up. Stashing his gun safely back in it's holster, he gripped the rod with both hands and hit the weevil hard on it's back, as if he was trying to score a home-run. The beast quickly turned around and growled fiercely two inches from his face. Reacting fast, he hit the weevil again, this time in the face with the rod causing the weevil to whimper in agony.

Adrenaline rushed through Ianto as the beats locked eyes with him… the beast had it in for him now. The monster came closer and with every step it took, Ianto stepped back. The monster looked at him, turning his head from side to side as if the take a better look at his delicious victim. Ianto took one last step back and felt the wall behind him. He cursed loudly and that seem to have startled the weevil in front of him, only for a second. The monster raised his hands and pulled out it's claws, ready to strike the man in front of him. Suddenly the beast got distracted as a loud splashing noise sounded behind it. He rotated on the spot and saw the young girl running to the back of the alley. The girl had been stupid enough to come down from her safe hiding place now that Ianto had distracted him. The girl ran away from the scene and the beast soon started chasing her again. Ianto shot two bullets at the weevil. One hit him in the shoulder but it didn't even slow it down. The weevil pounded on the girl causing her to drop on her back. Ianto saw the weevil claw it's way into her stomach and rip open her neck, making her bleed violently onto the street. He ran towards her and again fired a single shot at the weevil, hitting it in the back of the head. The monster fell on the ground with a loud thud, blacking out. Ianto dragged the weevil away from the girl, knelt down by her side and inspected her wounds. She was bleeding a great deal from her yawning wounds, one under her chest and one bite on her neck. He ripped his shirt open and tried to clamp down the wound on her neck. It seemed pointless as the blood just seeped through the shirt but desperately he hoped it would have at least a bit of a gain. He placed his hand on the chest wound and pressed down hard. The young girl was now unconscious but still breathing. He wasn't aware of his sweat and his tears covering his face and body, neither was he aware of a steady and deathlike breathing behind him and in front of him. He noticed a shadow walking besides him. Scared, he looked up and saw two weevils surrounding him. Snarling, growling and threatening, they watched him. They smelled him. As a cat stalking a bird, they held back for a minute. Just observing their prey.

Screeching tires on the street grabbed Ianto's attention and in his peripheral vision, he saw a familiar black SUV come to a screaming halt and four people running out of the stylish car.

He saw his teammates running to their aid.

"Ianto!" yelled out the medic. "Fuck, what on earth happened"

"Hurry, she's badly hurt" he screamed.

Gwen and Tosh both flew at the weevil behind him, spraying him with mace and bringing him down with a stun gun. Their leader lunged himself at the weevil in front of him and started beating it. The medic however knelt down beside him and checked up in the lost girl. "Keep the pressure on the chest wound" he said.

Owen held a clean cloth to her wound with antiseptic medicine to make her clot and he wrapped a strong bandage around her to help stop the bleeding. He went further down and examined the chest wound, urging Ianto to release his grip on her chest.

Ianto stood up and checked if he could help his other team mates.

"Ianto, help Jack" screamed Tosh as she threw him a can of mace. He ran up to the weevil who was nearly biting Jack in the neck and sprayed the mace onto it's eyes. In agony the beast turned and pushed Ianto out of the way, causing him to fall behind him with brute force and hitting his head against a wall. The weevil lunged for him and sunk it's teeth into his neck. He screamed out but managed to push the weevil off him before it had time to devour him. It fell backwards and it was finally subdued by Gwen and Tosh, both clutching their knees on it's back and injecting a tranquilizer. He felt a strong hand under his arm bringing him back into a standing position. He leaned against his boss and cried out. "Fucking whore of a monster"

He bent down and drew deep breaths, trying to get the pain under control. Jack's voice seemed to help: "Ianto, you ok?"

Ianto got back up, faced his boss and dryly said: "Had worst from shaving"

The older man chuckled lightly but quickly went over to Owen. Whispers were exchanged and Jack picked up the girl in his arms and ran towards the SUV.

"Come on, we haven't got any time to waste" the doctor informed the rest of the team.

* * *

Back in the hub, Owen fiercely worked on the girl. The rest of the team were silent, except for Jack. He had been yelling at Ianto ever since they got back. "I told you, I ORDERED you to stay back. NOT engage in a fight with the weevil. That is a direct order that you have disobeyed. AGAIN. How much more do I need to take from you until you get it into your thick skull that you always should listen and in no circumstances take matters into your own hands. ESPECIALLY when you're on your own. Do you have a death wish or something? If we hadn't gotten there when he did, we would have had the pleasure of putting you in the morgue there"

Ianto gulped audibly and stared at the floor. "I know sir" he said in a low voice. "I know but if I hadn't stepped in, she would have died there. I had to try and save her. She's just a young girl"

"That is very admirable but you can't save everyone Jones" Jack replied in a firm voice. "No matter how much you desire it." He added in friendlier voice. "Next time, just listen. I don't want any of us to be hurt. Now, how is your neck?"

"I'll live. Owen patched me up in the car. Can I go see the girl now sir?"

"Owen's still operating on her" Jack said. But when he saw the disappointment he added: "But I'm sure Owen doesn't mind you hanging around. From afar"

"Thanks sir". Ianto got up and hurried to the medical bay.

Gwen was filing reports and when she saw Ianto going towards the medical bay, she held him back. "Sweetheart, you might want to stay here until Owen is done"

In the distance he heard Owen shout: "Clear!" followed by heartbreaking electric sound.

"Owen, how long are you going to do this? She's been down for 8 minutes. Even if she would come back, she'd be brain-dead!" Tosh screamed.

Gwen felt Ianto stiffen and saw his eyes tear up. "Oh God no" he said. "It was all in vain". He tore away from Gwen and ran towards the medical bay. He stopped at the end of stairs and just stared at the girl's corpse. Owen and Tosh both were silent and the medic quickly turned off the monitor, silencing the monotone beep-sound letting everyone know the girl had died.

Ianto stared at her. For the first time he noticed that she was blond. Blond and blue eyed. Slender arms and legs and a tiny waist. Barely 16, he estimated. He cursed. _What on earth was she doing there, all alone in that godforsaken alley?_

He slowly approached her body and kissed her bloodied hand. Softly he whispered: "I'm so sorry. I tried. I really did". A single tear ran down his cheek, leaving a trail behind on his grimy and bloodied face.

Tosh walked towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up while Owen… well you know"

Tosh had to drag him away from the body and even whilst walking up the stairs, his eyes were still fixated on the little lost girl, laying cut open and broken on the autopsy table.

He nearly stumbled on the last step and he would've hit his head on the floor if Jack hadn't caught him. As he got up, he felt Jack near him. So close to him. Jack leant in and whispered in his ear: "You did well Ianto"

* * *

In a trance, Ianto walked through the hub and towards couch, beneath the familiar "Torchwood" sign. He brushed his fingers over the letters. He sighted, sat himself down on the couch and hugged his knees. Silently, he cried for her. Just her.

* * *

Gwen wanted to walk over to him and hold him. He looked so lost and so sad in that moment. Even though the working relationship between the members hadn't been that good after Lisa, they all could see that he was strained. For that, they sympathized with him and let go of a little bit of all that anger towards him. Gwen was stopped by Jack, who held her arm back as she walked towards the distressed man. "Wait, give him 10 minutes. Let him clear his head. I know him, he needs to be alone"

Gwen wondered how Jack knew so much about him but didn't push the subject. She glared into his eyes and saw doubt but she knew she could trust him. And in the end, they all did.

Gwen and Tosh helped Owen clean the body and store the girl away in the morgue. Jack in the mean time watched from afar, glancing between the three in the autopsy bay and Ianto on the couch. He noticed that Ianto had stopped crying, but he was now trembling and trying to steady his hands. Jack grabbed his cup filled with tea and a blanket, rushed over to his side and sat next to him. In a sophisticated move, he draped the blanket over him and held out his cup of tea.

"Drink a bit … please" he pleaded. "It might help"

Ianto eagerly accepted the cup and started sipping of hot tea. He winced as he swallowed but it didn't stop him from taking another one. He handed back the cup and Jack accepted it, only to notice that it was smeared in blood. For a second he thought it was Ianto's and in panic he grabbed his hands to check for injuries. "Thank god" he exclaimed, earning him a disgusted look from Ianto. Jack uncharacteristically blushed and stuttered some words under his breath. "I didn't want you to be hurt as well"

He walked away and his seat was soon replaced by Tosh, who didn't say much but just sat there next to Ianto and occasionally rubbing his back as he rocked himself forwards and backwards. Soon Jack came back, with a small basin filled with tepid water and a blue washcloth. Tosh kissed Ianto's forehead, got up making room for Jack and left the two men behind. She knew Jack was more than capable of taking care of him and he'd probably do a better job than she ever could.

Jack dipped the washcloth in the water and gently dapped Ianto's forehead, cleaning up the dried blood from his head wound. Ianto didn't respond much, he just stared in front of him but he didn't protest either. Jack took that as a good sign, as long as he was aware than someone was washing him. When his face was all clean, Jack took hold of his hands and he felt Ianto tighten the grip. He smiled secretively and again, he gently dapped away the blood, taking the time to thoroughly clean the nails. Jack daren't suggest changing into other clothes, not wanting to upset the already fragile man. Instead, he rewrapped the blanket around Ianto. "Whenever you're ready, you can take a shower in my bathroom"

Two silent words were muttered in return: "Thank you"

Jack strode towards the autopsy bay and emptied out the basin with brown colored water. He drew three deep breaths, trying to regain his posture and letting the sadness wash over him.

"You know what, that kid got some real stones" a voice behind him said.

Jack turned and saw Owen wash his hands. "Taking on a weevil like that on his own. And you know … still live to tell the tale. And that for a girl he has never met"

"He's trying to save Lisa" Jack said. "Treating others like her. By saving others he might save her. It's just incredibly sad"

"And what do you think I'm doing?" Owen said with resentment in his voice. "Or maybe he's just doing his job. Protecting the people of Cardiff. And trying to make up for what he's done"

"Probably" Jack said. "I know he's feeling guilty. Guilty for betraying us. And not saving her. Must be hell"

Owen nodded. "And more importantly … betraying you"

Owen gave him an all-knowing glance and walked away from his boss. Up the stairs and towards the kitchen. From where he was standing he could see Ianto curled up on Gwen's lap, drifting off to sleep. _He'll be fine _Owen thought to himself. _He has to be. At least now we know he's still in it for the long run. Trying to help and stuff. At least I know I could trust him again. Some day. _


	7. Chapter 7: The broken crown

note: This is written for sci.girl382 who requested more information about the girl in chapter 6 ("Trust"). I hope this satisfied your curiosity!

Of course, everyone is welcome to gibe me your opinion on this piece or any other. (Hint Hint!)

* * *

The broken crown 

A 15 year old girl layed on her bed, listening to "Fall Out Boy" blasting out of her radio. She stared at the ceiling and had been doing so for the past half hour, trying to black out the screaming below her room and concentrating on the lyrics and tunes. Softly she sang along. If she sang, she had something to do and then she couldn't hear her father calling her mother a whore. She wiped the tears from her bright blue eyes and covered her ears. "Not again. Why do they have to scream so loudly. Can't they talk like normal people?"

Stella, her black Labrador who sat beside her bed, jumped up and placed her head on her knee. "Hey sweetheart" the young girl said. "You'll always be kind to me won't you"

She brushed her blond hair away from her face and groaned. "I need to get out"

"Hey baby girl, want to go for a walk?" she said whilst petting the dog.

The happy dog wagged her tail in delight and ran towards the door, looking up at the doorknob and back at the girl. The girl smiled sweetly at the enthusiasm she could see in the dog's eyes.

She turned off the radio and winced as she heard the profanities coming out of her parents' mouths. "God please tell me I'm adopted"

She walked out of her room and into the living room, grabbed the dog's pink chain and walked out of the house. She didn't bother warning her parents she was going out, they wouldn't hear her anyway. And if they did, she was sure she'll be the receiving end of their anger. She closed the door behind her and breathed in the cold night's air_. One day, I'll leave this place and never look back. Maybe London. Maybe I could become a doctor. Trying to make the world a better place. Yeah, maybe._

She walked into the deserted streets. No one was out at this hour. _Too bloody cold anyway. But hey it's a lot warmer in here than inside my own home. My broken shelter. _

Stella was happy walking alongside her mistress, the one who cared. The one who gave her cookies when she was good. She sniffed around plants trying to find those familiar odors. But suddenly the dog tilted it's head. Something smells weird here.

"Honor" her next door neighbor called. A tall and blond boy walked towards the girl and Stella once more wagged her tail. "Hey Honor, why are you out so late?"

"Hey Nathan" she replied. "Mom's being a bitch and dad an arsehole. Surprised you didn't hear"

The girl averted her eyes and seemed very interested in a chewing gum stuck on the pavement. "Sorry" the boy answered wearily. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. They love me, I know that but they can just really piss me off. The way they talk to each other. It's disgusting. But I know I'm better than this"

The boy smiled at her words. "You are. You are truly amazing"

Honor snorted. "What makes you think that?"

"Well" continued Nathan, "You are a queen of broken hearts and sadness but you would never conceal yourself behind the crown. Always pushing forward. You're amazing like that"

"Thank you" the girl said. She placed a tender kiss on Nathan's cheek and smiled.

Suddenly Stella saw something in the distance. She started running and Honor could no longer hold her back. "Stella, come back!" she screamed. "I got to go Nate. Thank you"

The girl left the pretty boy behind and ran after the beloved dog.

"Stella" she cried once more. She just caught a glimpse of a tail walking into an alley. "Shit" she cursed. "I hate these alley's"

She hesitantly walked into the alley and softly whispered: "Hey Stella, come one girl. Come out to play"

The dustbin behind her moved. She could feel her heart pounding in fright at the sound. Suddenly a cat flew by her ankles and screeched loudly. "Damned cat"

She walked forwards. Two barks and an angry growl caught her attention and the girl started running towards the sound. "God no, not Stella"

She turned a corner and saw Stella in front of a man, who seemed to be trying to beat her"

The dog whimpered as a heavy hand struck the dog's back. "Motherfu… how dare you hit a defenseless animal!" she yelled out. The man did not respond.

Built up anger and worry rose inside the girl. She picked up a the top of a dustbin and ran towards the guy. With a bang she hit the guy on the head. The man froze and turned around.

Anguish and horror shone across her face as she saw the wrinkled skin, sharp teeth and terrifying eyes of the weevil in front of her. "What are you" she whispered.

"Stella, run home" she screamed. She quickly turned away from the beast and ran. As fast as she could. The beast was gaining in on her, she could hear his footsteps come closer and closer. In the corner of her eyes she saw her salvation, a fire escape ladder. Quickly she pulled it down, hopped on top of the ladder and pulled it back. For now, she was safe but for how long. She sat there, terrified and crying. "Crappy parents, crappy friends, crappy life … of course I'd end up dead in an alley in crappy Cardiff" she softly hissed at herself. Her thoughts turned to Stella, her faithful dog and she prayed and hoped that the dog she loved more than life had found her way back home. Or even better, back to Nathan.

Her heart rate rose as she saw the creature below her reach for the ladder. "God no, please"

Suddenly a gunshot woke up the city. She looked in the direction of the sound and saw a man standing there. From what she could tell he was tall, dark haired and quite handsome. And holding a gun. _A gun, good that should help. Unless he's a murderer.. _

The creature moved towards the man and the man reacted quickly. One more punch and the creature was stunned. Honor saw the creature come closer to the man. _Oh god, now it's after the guy, The guy who tried to save me. I can't let him be hurt. _

Her breathing quickened as she desperately tried to think of a plan. _The water pipe._

When running towards this spot she had noticed a heavy water pipe on the floor not too far from here. _I need to get it. That thing is distracted but it won't be long until it snaps. _

She gathered all the courage she took and jumped off the plateau. She ran as hard as she could towards the pipe. The damned pipe. She felt a heavy weight on her back, causing her knees to buckle. She fell down to the ground hard, smacking her head down onto the pavement. Dazed she quickly turned around and she saw that horrifying creature straddling her hips, one claw in the air and baring his teeth. That thing dropped his hand and she felt it's nails dig deep inside her stomach and neck. _Oh god the pain. The agony. _

She felt herself drift into unconscious but before she did, she saw two calming blue eyes looking down on hers. Beautiful Welsh vowels caressed her into sleep. "I'm right here, you're going to be fine"

Before she lost her battle, she felt the young man's soft and tender touches. With a sad smile she said her last goodbye. _Bye Stella, bye Nathan. I love you both so much it hurts. Bye stranger, thank you for showing me that people can be kind, even if it is just before my untimely death. Thank you. _

With a sigh, she closed her eyes and drifted into the unconsciousness. No more will the tortured queen be tainted with hatred and angry words. No more will she be hurt.


	8. Chapter 8: The morning off

note: For those who asked for fluff ... Your wish is my command! Fluff overload!! I hope y'all like this :)

**The morning**** off**

Jack looked down on his team from his office. He noticed the exhaustion written on their faces. The way Gwen would absently stare into distance before snapping awake. The way Toshiko tried to stifle a yawn every now and then. The way Owen had been _quiet_ for the last two hours. And the way Ianto had slumped into a chair, pretending to read a book but miserably failed to keep his attention to the words, periodically staring at random things around the hub. Jack got out of his office and yelled "Kids, go home. And don't come in before fourteen hundred hours tomorrow"

Owen snarled. "Fourteen hundred hours? That's 2 o'clock right? My brain ain't functioning as it should"

Ianto glanced him a grin and Owen fully knew what it meant. "Don't say it! Or I'll use the big syringe next time you need to be vaccinated"

Tosh giggled. "I better phone a cab. Car gave out this morning"

"I could drive you if you want" Ianto offered. "Or maybe Owen could. It's on his way anyway"

Owen shot him a dirty look. He leaned in and whispered: 'What are you up to now, coffee kid?"

Innocently Ianto sighed. "Just trying to get Tosh home. Safely."

"That's ok" said Tosh. "I don't want to be a bother"

Owen got a dirty look from Gwen and he dramatically rolled his eyes. "You're no bother sweet cheeks. I'd love to take you home"

Owen, Tosh and Gwen quickly put on their coats and headed for the heavy cog door. "You coming Ianto?" Owen asked.

"Go ahead" he answered. "I'll just clean up a bit. See you tomorrow"

He started collecting dirty mugs and headed to the kitchen.

"Drop them" he heard Jack say. "Drop them now! I told you to go home!"

"Sorry sir, you expecting anyone?" Ianto replied naughtily.

Jack chuckled. "You're tired and should be sleeping"

"Oh not to worry, I've got until 2 tomorrow" Ianto winked and started to walk away. Jack held his wrist gently and pulled him towards him, placing soft and feather light kisses on his lips and cheeks. Ianto pulled Jack into a passionate kiss, running his hands up and down his chest and into his hair. Breathlessly he spoke: "Let's go back to my place"

_**Tosh and Owen**_

Owen drove carefully, not fully trusting himself in the state he was in. He had the windows down and savored the salt and freshness of the evening air. He turned on the radio and Led Zeppelin blasted through the speakers. 'Right, this should keep me awake long enough"

Tosh frowned. "You know, if you're not up for it, we could always take a cab"

"Not to worry" Owen exclaimed. "Whenever Owen's behind the wheel, you have nothing to fear. Well unless you're too small to be noticed and then it's survival of the fittest"

Tosh grinned. "I'm sure Darwin will be glad to know you're still keeping his philosophies alive"

Despite the noise and the cold, Tosh found herself drifting off the sleep, letting the exhaustion take over. Owen glanced at the sleeping form of his colleague and smiled. He really did care for her and secretively thanked Ianto for pushing him in this situation.

He pulled in to a driveway and stopped the car. "Tosh, we're here" he softly said, not really wanting to wake her up but knowing he had to. Toshiko groaned a bit but got out of the car anyway. Before closing the door, she looked at Owen with questioning eyes. "Nightcap?"

Owen thought for a second. "Sure, why not"

They both hurried to the front door as the wind was chilling them to the bone. Tosh quickly turned the key in the lock and opened the front door. Owen rushed inside and made himself at home, throwing his leather jacket on a chair, sitting down on her couch, taking off his shoes and placing his feet on the coffee table. He stretched himself out and yawned loudly. Toshiko chuckled at the idea of Owen being so comfortable in her apartment and surreptitiously she loved it. More than she could ever express in words.

She went over to the bar, hidden inside her cupboard, and glanced at the half empty bottles of liquor. "Beer or something stronger?" she asked.

"I'd commit a felony for a whiskey if you've got it. Maybe not a murder, but certainly a theft" Owen replied whilst sleepily rubbing his eyes. "Christ" he continued. "My jokes get lame when I'm tired. And a lot more elaborate"

Tosh lightly laughed as she poured two glasses of scotch. "Fancy something to nibble on?"

"Yeah, I'm starved" Owen said.

She went over to the fridge and found some leftover cheese of different varieties.

Whilst making up a plate off the different cheeses, she started talking. "You know today's been hard but rewarding. I was running the translating program on these parchments we've found last year. And they are just beautiful. It tells the story of a male alien, I still haven't figured out which species it is, who has lost his entire family in a battle. It spoke of his grief and his love …"

She stopped talking as she heard heavy breathing and light snoring behind her. She turned around and saw Owen passed out on her couch, head slumped to the side and mouth slightly open. She giggled at Owen looking so angelic and even childlike. Something that could not be said as soon as those big brown eyes of his opened. She put the food in the fridge, took her glass and put it down on the coffee table. She grabbed a fuzzy blanket and covered the sleeping man. She sighed contently, grabbed her glass, sat beside him and watched some tv. Low volume, of course, last thing she wanted is to wake up or startle the medic, laying contently beside her.

_**Gwen and Rhys**_

Gwen walked through her front door and noticed all the lights were off. The only light in the apartment was a soft glow coming from the living room. Barry white sang his voluptuous love songs on the background and the smell of a roast filled the little apartment she shared with her newly fiancée Rhys. She glanced at the beautiful laid out table with the nice plates fully displayed, glasses all spread out and candles lighting up the room. "What's this" she asked the man in her kitchen, wearing an apron that said "Kiss the Chef".

"Oh just a little surprise for my beloved" Rhys answered, granting her a million dollar smile.

"But how did you know when I was coming home" Gwen inquired.

Rhys sighted heavily and looked away for a second. "Well, don't be mad. But last night I kind of looked through your phone numbers and found Jack's. I called him up and asked him if you could have the evening off… and not to tell you because I wanted to surprise you"

"But Rhys why" Gwen exclaimed, not fully knowing if she was flattered or angry.

"I've noticed that you've been a bit on edge lately, and I don't know, I just wanted to do something nice for you" he replied whilst basting the turkey in the oven.

Gwen felt her heart melt at the sight of her man doing so much for her. And a spike of guilt. _Gosh he does so much for me even though he has to put up with so much shit._

She ran towards the man and kissed him fiercely. When they broke apart, she cupped his cheeks and leant her forehead against his. "Rhys Williams, you are utterly and absolutely the most amazing guy I've ever met. And I love you so much"

Rhys chuckled and blushed. "Ah well, just as well that I'm marrying you then"

"I'll set the table" said Gwen.

"No, no ,no" Rhys said whilst shaking his head. "Five minutes ago Jack called saying you were on your way and I filled up the bathtub. With bubbles and a glass of chilled white wine by the side. Just the way you like it. You've got an hour before dinner so plenty of time to soak in the tub"

"You're spoiling me" Gwen whispered.

Rhys pulled her closer to his body and padded her back. "No, I'm not. I'm just treating you like a princess. As you should be treated"

Gwen smiled at him, kissed him quickly on the cheek and hurried to the bathroom.

Scented candles all around the bath, filling the room with a soft rose aroma, and rose peddles in the bubble-filled tub. She took off her clothes, descended into the hot water and sipped her wine. "Tonight is going to be fantastic" she said out loud.

_**Ianto and Jack**_

Jack lay beside a sleeping Ianto and silently swirled his coffee in his favorite cup. He placed the half full cup on the bedside table and snuggled closer to the warm body of Ianto. He lay there, watching his lover sleep peacefully and he gently caressed the smile on Ianto's face. Shudders went through his body when he realized that he was the person that put it there. Ten minutes passed before Ianto slowly opened his blue eyes. "Morning sunshine" jack whispered.

"Morning" said a sluggish Ianto. "You're still here"

"Yeah I am" replied Jack. "I wanted to watch you wake up. Is that ok?"

Ianto raised an eyebrow and nestled himself closer to Jack. " Of course. It's just that … You're different since you got back"

"Different how? Worse? Better?" Jack asked nervously.

"Just different. You never stayed long after sex. It's a treat getting to cuddle you first thing in the morning"

Jack sniggered. In a more serious tone he continued. "I meant it when I said that I'd be better. If spent such a long time hoping and praying I'd see you again. Dreaming of you. And now I find myself back in your life, your embrace and even your bed. And I intend to make full use of it and savor every second that I'm with you"

Ianto lifted up his head and kissed him, trying to pour as much emotion into the kiss as he could. "I'm really happy you're here"

Jack placed a kiss on his forehead and brushed his hair. He inhaled deeply and let the odor of his lover fill his lungs and mind. "You smell so good"

"You're weird" a sniggering Ianto replied.

"Sorry Yan?"

"I haven't showered yet and last night was pretty … erm … active. Plus morning breath is never nice" he replied.

Jack laughed and inhaled deeply again. "I could easily get used to this"

He reached out his hand and grabbed his cup. He took one sip and offered his cup to Ianto.

Immediately his eyes widened in excitement. "Hmm, bit cold but still good. Your coffee skills have improved"

"Well, I do have a good teacher" Jack winked.

"Want the last bit?" Ianto asked.

"No it's ok, have it" Jack replied. _Have me. Forever. _

"We should get to the hub" Ianto said.

"Nah, no one will be in until 2. And I have it on good authority that the boss won't be mad if we're scandalously late" he said whilst lazily drawing something on Ianto's stomach.

Jack rested his head on Ianto's chest and closed his eyes. "Let's sleep again" he said, yearning for the comfort and warmth that sleeping next to his lover brought. "Just sleep and be together. As long as we can"

"Jack" Ianto whispered. "If you want to go, I won't feel bad. I'd understand if you have other places to be"

Jack nodded. "I know you'd understand. But honestly, there is no other place in this universe I'd rather be"


	9. Chapter 9: The funfair

Note: The local funfair opened last night and i came home with (yes yes) a stuffed pink elephant, an indigestion and loads of inspiration. I'm not so sure about this one but i thought I'd might as well share it. There's some fluff in here so it'll make up for the large amount of angst!

Anyway, reviews turn my frown upside down! (hint hint!)

* * *

The funfair

Jack sighed. He hadn't had coffee in a couple of hours. Nervously and somewhat tired he paced around the room, his thoughts slumping into slow motion. His body ached, beaten down by exhaustion even though it was only late afternoon. He looked over at the team and saw them slouching and he grinned. He wasn't the only one missing Ianto today.

He walked downstairs and clapped his hands loudly, startling everyone out of their concentration or their daydreams. "So anyone up for a walk to starbucks?"

Owen's eyes lit up and he quickly grabbed his leather jacket. Whilst putting it on, his eyes narrowed. "That's funny, Starbucks is right across the funfair. Is this some sort of plot to go annoy the tea boy?" he asked suspiciously.

"No, I really do have a lack of caffeine in my body. And if we happen to come across a certain well dressed Welshman … well I won't complain"

Gwen giggled. "Running low on sugar, Jack?"

Jack grinned. "Always"

Ten minutes later they were all standing bundled up together with a nice cup of coffee in their hands, two meters from the hustle and bustle of the funfair. Owen frowned as he saw a small kid running towards them with a huge grin on his face. The small child stopped at Jack's side and gently tugged his greatcoat. Jack was far too busy talking to notice it and the small child tried his luck again. When he began to pout, Owen cleared his throat. "Jack, your coat seems to have attracted a rather small human being"

Jack looked dazed and when another tug came, he looked down. The boy shrieked "Jackie" and was quickly launched into the air by the captain. Safe in the embrace of Jack, the boy giggled. "Tomas! What are you doing here? And who with?"

Jack started to look concerned and a little scared as he didn't see an adult anywhere near the kid but he soon brightened up when the small child replied. "Uncle 'Anto took me to play with the ducks and he bought me candy floss Jackie"

"Wow that is really nice Tomas" said Jack cheerfully. "But where is uncle Ianto now?"

He points towards the funfair and suddenly he gasped. "Uh oh, I'm not suppose to go away from uncle"

"No, you're not Tomas" a familiar voice said. Jack turned around and saw Ianto standing there, slightly pissed off and looking very relieved.

"Uncle 'Anto!" the boy yelled out. He reached out his arms at him and Ianto gratefully took him. "I'm sorry. I saw Jackie and wanted to say hello"

Ianto held the boy tightly to his chest, happy to have found the boy back. "I know, Tomas, but never EVER do this to me again. I nearly had a heart attack. And if that didn't kill me, your mother sure would have"

Tosh giggled at his response. "So Ianto, is he yours?"

Ianto's eyes widened. "God no, he's my little nephew. My sister's. Children scare me more than weevils"

Owen grinned. "And how does Jack know him so well?"

"We babysat a few times" he muttered whilst blushing heavily. "Anyway, Starbucks huh? What would you do without me?"

"Probably fall asleep whilst punching a weevil" Gwen said.

The little boy jumped off Ianto and reached his hands up to Jack, who was more than happy to pick him up. "Want to play bumper cars with me? Pleeeeeaaaaaassee?"

Jack chuckled. "Now how can I say no to that?"

"We're going to the funfair?" questioned a hopeful Gwen.

"Yeah sure, why not. The rift's quiet so there's not much to do. Besides there must be a big pink elephant somewhere that can be won." Jack walked towards the funfair and winked as he passed a stunned Ianto.

"Aah. Here's the first task for Torchwood. The shooting range" exclaimed Jack. "Hit the bull's eye and win, win, win!"

He glanced at the team and sniggered. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go on and impress me"

The team looked gob smacked but accepted the challenge, with a grin. They all stood beside one and other and started the smack talk. "You are soooo going down Cooper" shouted Owen.

"You wish Harper. Been there. Done that. Not that keen on doing it again"

"Sorry sir" said Ianto as he leant over to the man behind the counter. "Any chance that I can use my own gun?"

The man's face whitened but soon smiled as Jack leant in and laughed. "Ooh Ianto you and your funny jokes. You're killing me" he said, the last words spoken with more emphasis.

Within a minute, four shots were fired and four prizes fell down. The man behind the counter once again looked shocked and a little afraid as he handed over the stuffed animals.

Tomas shrieked in delight as he saw Ianto handing him a cute cuddly Shrek. Owen smiled as Tosh and he exchanged toys. "A Pokemon for a Carebear. Not a bad trade"

"Rhys is going to love this one" said Gwen.

"Next challenge will be more difficult I'm afraid" assured Jack.

"Hang on, I'm not done yet" said Ianto. "Good man, how many wins for the pink elephant?"

Jack quickly kicked him and gave him a stern look.

"What? I though you liked pink elephants Jack "

The team giggled but Jack's expression looked far from amused. "If I had known Jack would give us the day off to go to the funfair, I'd have asked a long time ago" Owen said.

Ianto's face darkened and his bottom lipped trembled. "Actually, My grandmother died. That's why I took the day off. My sister wanted her son to be away from the grief. Something about little boys not needing to see that much sadness and stuff"

A unified "Ianto, I'm sorry" was muttered.

"I didn't mean to pry. I was being stupid" Owen said.

"Nothing to worry about" replied Ianto. "No more secrets"

"Uncle 'Anto" said the little boy. "Please don't be sad. I won't run away again. Even if I see another friend"

Ianto gulped audibly and tears were filling up his eyes. "It's ok Tomas. I'll love you anyway"

Jack cleared his throat and got out his wallet. "Owen, do you mind taking Tomas for a minute and buying him a candy apple?"

The boy jumped up and down in delight, making everyone giggle. He quickly took Owen's hand and guided him to the little food stand.

"Thanks" Ianto muttered whilst Gwen softly padded him on the back.

Tears were threatening to fall and he vigorously rubbed his palms in his eyes.

Jack took Ianto's hand and softly said: "Don't hurt yourself. If tears are willing to come, let them." He pulled him into a hug, embracing him with love and compassion and fully understanding the deep hurt that comes with grief. Gwen and Tosh glanced at each other and sighted, both keeping their faces in a locked and unspoken "aww" mode.

Ianto came in closer to Jack and tried to steady his emotions by letting Jack comfort him. Slowly his breathing slowed down and hands trembled less.

Suddenly Ianto got tugged away by an overly exited Tomas. "Look 'Anto. Owen also bought me chocolate covered banana"

"Wow that's great! You did say thanks did you?"

The little boy nodded and he playfully started nibbling his treats. Ianto ruffled the boy's hair and yelled out "Such a good boy"

Ianto glanced at the medic and mouthed the words "Thank you".

Uncharacteristically , Owen blushed and nodded. "Let's have some more fun, shall we?"

"Bumper cars" the little boy shouted. "You promised Jackie"

Jack chuckled heartily. "I guess the Torchwood tournament has to be postponed"

Tomas grabbed Jack's coat, covering it in chocolate, banana and sticky apple and pulled him into the direction of the big cars. Ianto groaned loudly at the ever-growing stain. "That's going to be a bitch to get out"

When the team got out of the bumper car palace, they were all surprised that it was dark. "Time flies when having fun" said Tomas wisely and holding on tightly to Owen's hand. "Come one 'wen, the fire works is about to start"

And indeed in the distant they heard loud popping sounds and bright lights covering the Cardiff sky.

They walked past a couple of booths until they could all clearly see the light show in the sky. Beautiful colors and patterns colored the night's sky and the crowd soon giggled, cheered and yelled out the typical "ooh" and "aah". Gwen and Toshiko linked arms and both were sporting huge grins. "I LOVE fireworks" Gwen said with a childlike expression on her face.

Owen stood there, holding a slightly terrified but amused Tomas in his hands. "You're my new best friend" Tomas said. Owen laughed but his mouth curled up to a smile, letting affection slip through. This didn't go unnoticed as Jack smiled at this sight. "Who knew that it only took a small boy to melt Owen's heart" he whispered to Ianto.

Whilst everyone enjoyed the wonder of fireworks, Jack mainly looked around and occasionally jumped at a sudden noise.

"Not a big fan of fireworks?" inquired Ianto with a frown.

"Not really. The noise reminds me too much of the war. I'm usually ducking away when hearing those kinds of noises" Jack replied.

Ianto placed himself behind the captain and wrapped his arms around Jack's waist. "Well sir, if you want to start enjoying it, a good place to start might be looking up"

Jack leant back on Ianto's chest, feeling the security and warmth of his embrace. He looked up and took in the mesmerizing colors. Instinctively he placed his hands on Ianto's, letting their fingers entwine. Ianto kissed his left cheek and Jack felt him smile. Contently he looked sideways, meeting Ianto's eyes. "Thanks" Jack whispered.

"No, thank you babe" Ianto replied. "I would have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for you"


	10. Chapter 10: It's been two years

note: It's not like me to write a bit of Gwen bashing but this time i have. Blame it on a bad day. I like her alot but some aspects of her make me want to throw stuff at her. Hard. But in the end i like her. Yet another Janto story to cheer myself up. I hope yáll like it. Review!

* * *

**It's been two years**

The classy news lady put on her best sad face and started speaking. "Today we mark the anniversary of the battle of Canary Wharf. It's has been two years since terrorists …"

Gwen and Owen were attentively following the news story and hadn't heard Ianto come in. He froze on the spot as he saw images of the wreckage left behind.

"4.807 people lost their lives on that tragic day. No one ever knew who was behind the attack but investigations …" the voice continued to say.

A tear lingered on Ianto's eyelashes as he moved to turn down the volume.

Gwen startled as she suddenly saw the youngest member of the team in front of her. 'Oh pet, I'm sorry"

"It's ok Gwen. If you excuse me, I have work to do" Ianto said as he hurried himself out of the room.

"Do you think he's ok?" asked Gwen.

"I don't know. You know what he's like" replied Owen. "Maybe I'll drop a few hints when I see Jack"

Later on the day, Ianto had carried on as normal. A bit more twitchy and a bit more on edge, but in the end he was the same old Ianto everyone knew. Little did they know a storm was brewing inside the young man. Memories, visions and emotions overloading his senses. But as a strong soldier, he would not let these torments interfere with his work. Until Gwen does that thing she does. Trying to make things better but in turn making things worse. She had thought it would be a nice idea if they showed their respect for the fallen Torchwood colleagues by having a minute of silence in the hub. Maybe burn a few candles she had said.

"Gwen, please don't" Ianto had asked.

"But Ianto, it might give us all a bit of closure" she had replied. "Besides Jack already said we could do it."

Gwen padded Ianto on the back and walked away. Ianto was left gob smacked. Angry and god smacked.

Ianto had ordered the guys some pizza but nothing for himself. On the very moment Gwen had informed him of her plans, he had decided that he would not take part in it. The words "maybe it will give us all a bit of closure" echoed through his mind over and over again.

_Us? US?? How dare she even say that? All she saw were images and stories. I was there. Midst hell. Fire. Burned Flesh. Screaming. Oh god the screaming. How dare she act like that? Acting like what she's feeling is the same as what I'm going through?_

* * *

Before dinner they had their weekly meeting in the boardroom. The room was dimly lit for the occasion and there were burning candles scattered around the table. Ianto walked in and saw Jack sitting alone at the head of the table, reading the latest reports and eating a doughnut.

The captain glanced up when he heard the door open and smiled broadly as he saw the Welshman enter. "Hey there, haven't seen much of you today" Jack cheerfully said.

"Lots of things to do" Ianto replied, in a somewhat angry tone. "What is this?"

"The candles? Gwen's idea. For the memorial thingy she got planned" Jack explained.

Ianto softly growled and punched the table with a closed fist. He breathed heavily and rubbed his fingers along his forehead.

Jack dropped the doughnut and silently chewed. Swallowing the last bit of doughnut, he cleared his throat to get Ianto's attention. "What's wrong" he finally asked.

Ianto laughed sarcastically. "What's wrong? You can't possibly think of something that might be wrong?"

Jack quickly sat down on the table besides Ianto, who was still fiercely rubbing his head.

"I thought you wanted this" Jack softly said.

"I never did and I won't be here. I can't be here" Ianto replied, getting angrier with every sentence he spoke. "I cannot be part of this Jack. I know everyone means well but this is the opposite of what I want"

"Gwen didn't run this by you first?" Jack inquired.

Ianto once again laughed. "No, she's too busy being mother fucking Theresa to ask. I know she cares but she's acting like she was there. Like she was one of the people who were affected. I know it's a human aspect to care about tragedies like this but it's not the same. If she would've been there, she wouldn't have been so … inconsiderate"

The conversation got broken off as the rest of the team entered. In a flash Ianto had reversed to his butler role and started pouring coffee.

After he was done, he cleared his throat. "Sir, is it ok if I miss this meeting and work on one of my personal projects instead?"

Jack looked at him, pondered for a few seconds and nodded. "I want a word with you tonight though"

"I'll be back in two hours, tops sir"

Ianto walked towards the door and nearly grabbed the doorknob, when Gwen spluttered in surprise. "You're not staying?"

Ianto turned around and smiled. _Oh good, a confrontation. _"Nope"

"But I thought that you of all people would like to stay" Gwen replied.

"And what on God's earth gave you that impression?" Ianto calmly countered.

"Well because you were there!" Gwen retorted in disbelief.

"I wasn't just there Gwen. I survived it. And that is enough reminder for me. Now if you excuse me I have more important things to do". Ianto roughly opened the door and slammed it shut behind him, releasing some of that built up anger. He pushed back tears and bit his lip.

_Just walk away._

Gwen crossed her arms and let out a heavy breath. "Well that's just rude"

Jack was notably pissed off and it showed in his body posture, shoulders tense and hands slightly trembling. "Yes it was Gwen. Rudeness and inconsideration on your part"

Gwen's mouth opened slightly and her eyes widened. "My part? I did a nice thing Jack"

"On paper it is. But did you run it by him first?" Jack asked.

Gwen uncrossed her arms and sat down on her chair. "No, I just assumed that …"

"Well you know what they say" said Owen. "You can't spell assume without ass"

"You should have asked him first Gwen. What happened affected all of us but remember that he is the one who lived through it"

"But Jack"

"No buts about it Gwen. You better pray he is ok. Cause if he isn't, you'll be on weevil duty for a month and drinking a whole lot of shitty coffee for a very very long time. Do not make Ianto one of your project. He's one of the team and should be treated better than this"

Jack moaned as he straightened his back and rubbed his temples. "Meeting adjourned. We'll have another meeting in the morning"

He got up and strode towards the door. "Going after Ianto?" Tosh asked.

"Yeah" Jack answered. "Today must be hard on him"

"I was only trying to help Jack" Gwen said with guilt.

"I know Gwen" replied Jack, this time with more sympathy. "But there are some things you cannot fix. I know war and there is nothing one can do to ease the memory"

He walked out and he knew exactly where Ianto would be. The only place where he would find peace. The archives.

* * *

Ianto shuddered as he felt a friendly hand on his left shoulder. He turned around and saw the captain, a pained expression tainting his beautiful face.

"You're here" Ianto said with a trembling voice.

"Of course I am" Jack replied, pulling him into a hug. "I'm always here"

Ianto welcomed the embrace and rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes and unwillingly relaxing in Jack's arms.

"She was trying to be nice" Jack continued. "Gwen. But she handled it wrong. Don't be cross with her"

"She should've asked" Ianto tiredly said.

"Yes she should have" Jack replied. "But remember that she was fortunate enough not to have lived through such a thing"

"You have" Ianto quietly said. "You've fought in both wars"

"I have fought in many wars" Jack grimly answered back. "Great ones and small ones. But all terrifying"

"How do you do it?" Ianto cried out, now visibly panicking, "How do you do it? How do you live with the memoires?"

"I barely do Ianto. But it helps sharing your story". Jack lifted Ianto's chin with a gently touch. "I'll listen"

"I don't know where to start Jack"

The door behind the squeaked open and a nervous Gwen entered. She leant back on the wall and hesitantly she spoke. "I don't mean to disturb but I just came to apologize. You're right. I should have asked what you wanted. I know it's hard because you lost Lisa that day"

"It's not just Lise Gwen" Ianto jadedly said whilst walking towards her. "I didn't lose just Lisa, I lost my entire life. My job, my friends and my fiancée. And in the process I lost myself. Do you know how it feels to lose everything you love in one single hour?"

Ianto stood directly in front of her and Gwen could clearly see tears gracing his saddened eyes. "Do you know how it feels knowing that you have worked towards something that was unknowingly evil? That it was the same thing that was going to rip your life apart? Imagine you waking up tomorrow to find Rhys dead beside you. And us gone. All of your friends gone. Do you know how it feels to hear your best friends scream in agony? Do you know how it feels to watch and hear them die in your arms? To hear them beg you to put a bullet in their brains just so the pain would stop?"

Gwen gulped and a single tear found it's way out of her eyes. "No I don't Ianto"

"I'm glad you don't Gwen. Because I wouldn't want anyone to live with my burden. I sometimes can still hear them. The screaming. The noise. I can smell them. Burned human flesh. The blood. The tears. I can still taste the blood. So much iron. I can feel it all clearly. It's burned onto the insides of my eyelids, haunting my every dream and nightmare. Every time I dare to blink. Like a dark shadow always following you. Never giving up on their conquest to acquire your every essence. Pushing you into a corner where the only way out is raising your hands and surrendering? So can you see why I didn't want to be reminded of all of that? And you! I know you tried to make it better, but you CANNOT fix this. I am still a mess two years after! And you try to make it better by pushing me into a room and make me concentrate on the thing I dread most? Are you freaking kidding me with this shit?"

"I'm sorry Ianto. I didn't think" Gwen muttered softly.

"No, you didn't. A minute silence? Have you got any idea how patronizing that is? Like shutting the fuck up for a minute is going to make it all go away? The only thing it does is alleviate your guilt" shouted Ianto.

Pacing back and forwards Ianto grabbed his hair and tugged it. "It's all still so clear. The bodies, Lisa, Derrick, Patrick, Janine and so many more. Their empty eyes as they lay dead on the corridor. The mechanical footsteps of those monsters. Those damned things. They didn't just kill them, they slaughtered them Gwen. They ripped open their skull and chopped away inside their brains, all the while they stayed conscious. And they screamed. You were in that chair Gwen. You should've known better"

"Ianto … " Gwen started.

Ianto breathed deeply, gulping cleansing air to steady himself. With effort, he managed to stop screaming. He placed a hand on her shoulder and said: "Just go. There is nothing you can do for me"

Gwen sobbed and ran out the door.

Jack sighed noticeably and walked up to Ianto. He stared at the crying man in front of him for a second, not knowing what to do. He wiped away a lingering tear with a gently movement of his thumb and tenderly Jack massaged Ianto's tense shoulders. "I'd like to tell you it gets better. And it does. Slightly. But it'll never completely go away, love"

"I figured as such" replied Ianto.

Jack closed his eyes in grief as he heard Ianto's voice tremble with emotion. He hated seeing any of his colleagues in distress. But with Ianto, he completely understood what he felt. And that just made his sadness and guilt worse. "There is one bright spot in this all though"

"What's that Jack?" Ianto said, leaning into the gentle touches.

Jack snaked his arms around Ianto and kissed his neck. "It brought you to me"

Ianto smiled and wrapped his own arms around Jack's waist. "Sir, are you seducing me?" Ianto jokingly said.

"I wouldn't dream of it" Jack said, surprising Ianto with a sad and serious tone. "You poor thing, you're trembling all over"

"It's alright. You being here helps" Ianto replied.

"What can I do to make things better Ianto?"

"Turn back time?" asked Ianto.

Jack dreaded the question. The one thing he couldn't do. "If only I could baby"

"Then stay with me tonight Jack?"

"That I can do" the captain answered. "For forever and a day if I could"


	11. Chapter 11: Snow

note: silliness with a tragic undertone and ends with Janto fluff. It's more angsty than i thought it would be (blame my personal shizz for this) but i still hope you like it. LOVE the brotherly relationship between Owen and Ianto! Offensive language ahead but Jack's last two sentences nearly broke my heart! ReviewLove :)

And in no circumstances follow Ianto's example!!

* * *

**Snow**

Owen yawned as he answered his cell phone. "It's 3 in the morning Ianto, this better be good"

"Owen, thank god you're in. I've done something stupid"

Owen's lips curled up to a smile as he heard the next 3 sentences. "Jones. Ianto Jones. Who knew you had it in you. I'll come bail you out"

* * *

40 minutes later, a tired but cocky Owen Harper arrived at the Cardiff police department.

"Hello mate. My names Owen Harper and I'm Torchwood, special ops. You seem to have one of my boys in one of YOUR cells and I need him out" he said whilst quickly flashing the bored man his Torchwood ID-card.

The man behind the counter looked up from his magazine and glared at the medic. "Name?"

"Ianto Jones" Owen responded.

"Oh, that guy" the officer said. "Right piece of work that is. "Possession and use of class A drug, resisting arrest, battery, carrying an unregistered gun, assaulting an officer, harassment, indecent exposure, a number of sexual offences and drunkenly disorder"

"That's quite a list" stuttered Owen, shocked at the number of offences Ianto had managed to commit in just a few hours. "I'm here to bail him out"

The officer snorted. "Already taken care off. The kid has got some mighty friends"

"By whom?" asked an intrigued Owen, leaning closer the man.

"A Jack Harkness. Sound familiar?" responded the man. "Tall and flamboyant dude, playboy of some sort. All the woman started swooning as he walked in. And I must say, disturbingly also quite a few of our finest men"

"Yeah he does that some time" the medic grinned. He knew Jack would pull out all the stops to get Ianto out of this mess. And his charm was still one of his most _persuasive _talents. "So Ianto's already left?"

"No, he's still in the cells. He refused to go with the man. Said something about hunting down aliens and feeding pterodactyls" grunted the man. The man laughed loudly and clutched his sides. "He said he was a part of a secret organizations that hunted down aliens in Cardiff. And the man was their leader. Ha! That must've been some bad trip"

Owen nervously laughed and asked the officer to release Ianto.

A couple of minutes later, a handcuffed Ianto was led to the counter. They unlocked the cuffs and told him he was free to go but they expected him to show up for his hearing the following week.

As soon as Owen and Ianto had left the police station and sat in the car, Owen burst out into laughter. "You stupid, stupid, stupid, Welsh village idiot" He managed to say between laughs. "Boy, you sure know how to fuck up. So start talking. What happened"

Ianto gulped and looked around the car. "Is anyone here?"

"No Ianto, just me and you"

"You sure? They can hear" said Ianto as he looked around the car and examined it. He nervously glanced a the abandoned streets. His arm twitched and his heavily dilated eyes darted from the left to right. As soon as Owen thought he had calmed down, Ianto started scratching his arms violently, releasing blood from his wounds.

"Ianto what is it?"

"Bugs, bugs. All around. Germs under my skin. They know"

"Know what Ianto?" Owen asked, amused but at the same time a bit worried.

"They know what I am, what I do and what I did. He won't forgive me. No he won't. He says he does but he doesn't. It's in his eyes. My betrayal. For her. All in vain. And it hurts. And I need him. The bugs are back. Under my skin"

Sadness rushed over Owen as he heard the young man speak. A year after Lisa, and the man was still struggling regaining his life. But this time it was not the loss that tore him apart, but his betrayal. The one thing that Owen had a hard time forgiving himself. "Ok mate, don't worry. I'll take you to the hub for a check over"

"No Hub. No Hub. He's there. He must not know" Ianto said cradling himself, trying to stop the twitching and the paranoia.

"Ok, back to my place. You can stay there and get through the high" Owen said, not having the heart to tell him that Jack already knew. Before Owen drove off, he lovingly rubbed Ianto's shoulder.

* * *

Ianto slowly opened his eyes and winched as the bright sunlight overloaded his senses. Carefully he felt around the place, eyes still closed, and adjusted to the new sensations of the sheets on his legs, pillow under his head and the cold hitting his bare chest. His body felt sore, exhausted and broken. Mind heavy, drowsy and clouded. He opened his eyes again and the splitting headache attacked him before the sunlight did. He groaned in agony and smelt this familiar scent … freshly made coffee.

Owen pushed Ianto's feet off the couch and sat down beside Ianto whilst offering the pained man a cup of the black colored liquid. Ianto eagerly took it and gently sipped it, careful not to add burn injuries to his somatic problems. "Coffee tastes like shit Owen, mate"

"You're welcome Ianto. It was a pleasure driving you home and take care of you whilst you was busy tweaking"

Ianto gave him an apologetic smile and muttered a silenced thank you. Owen nodded and smiled but felt instantly like punching the man. _How could he be this stupid._

They sat in silence for a few minutes, side by side and drinking coffee, until Owen cleared his throat. "You have some explaining to do"

"I guess I do"

"Ianto, you were charged with a number of things. I've already called Tosh to erase your criminal record so you won't need to worry about that. But I was shocked to hear what you did. Not even I could do all those things in one night"

Ianto looked sad but Owen could swear he saw a glimmer of pride in his eyes.

Owen smiled softly and rubbed his five o'clock shadow. "So we'll start with the beginning. Possession and use of a class A drug"

"Wasn't like that. I didn't plan on taking anything. I met up with my mate Griffith from school and he asked about… about Lisa and how my life's been after school.. Of course I couldn't tell him what happened. So I lied. I hate lying. I left out everything that hurt. Torchwood, Canary Wharf, the shit we see, Brecon, Jack. But I couldn't hide it. He knows me to well for that. Before I knew it, I was sobbing into my pint. He offered me something to, as he put it, cure the blues and I took it. Simple as that. I was depressed and I acted like an idiot"

"Do you know what he gave you?" Owen asked, now worried.

"Coke. It's always been coke. It wasn't my first time Owen. I wasn't always like this. I had a life before I moved to London. And occasionally we did some dope for recreational purposes"

"Cocaine Ianto?" Owen sighted heavily. "That's indeed NOT a good idea. I assume you know the downsides of snorting coke"

"Of course. But we never cared. It's a miracle neither of us made it into a habit" Ianto said gloomily.

"Right, Ianto Jones … a crackhead. Who would've thought" a grinning Owen declared. "That possession and use. Battery?"

Ianto started laughing. "Some guy called my friend a fag. Ironically, he thought I was a lad's lad. I punched him. Hard. I couldn't control my strength. He was a bloody mess when I got pulled off him by the bodyguards at the club. They called the cops on us"

"Harassment and I quote the police officer: A number of sexual offences" continued Owen.

"Oh god" answered Ianto, blushing bright red. "I grabbed a girl's behind"

"You grabbed her ass? So not 100 percent gay huh" the smirking medic asked.

"No, not really Owen. It's just …him"

Slightly embarrassed by the confession Ianto looked sideways, away from Owen. "And my mate sucked off some guy in the toilets. He got busted for that too"

Owen frowned. "Why did you get charged?"

"I was watching" Ianto responded silently.

"Oh right. Drunkenly disorder. That's speaks for itself. Indecent exposure. Ianto, you didn't?

"Crap, they saw that too? Shit. Well, we were running from the police after they caught us, hence the resisting arrest charges, and for some reason we thought they wouldn't recognize us of we took off our clothes. We didn't think about the fact that none of us had any replacement clothes. So we just ran around town butt naked, acting like we were all innocent"

"I cannot wait to see CCTV footage of that" Owen bellowed out.

"Don't you dare Owen"

"Wouldn't I? Next up …assaulting an officer?"

"We were … seducing the officer that booked us in. We thought it was funny. I just thought it was Jack. Damned hallucinations"

Owen dramatically rolled his eyes and tapped his forehead. "Last but not least, carrying an unregistered weapon"

Ianto groaned. "Jack's going to kill me for that. It's not a weapon, it an alien artifact. Remember the blow-dryer I was suppose to put in the archives two weeks ago? It's slipped my mind and accidently took it home. Forgot that it was in there. The cops must've found it when they searched my car and just concluded that it's a weapon"

Owen gulped audibly. "You're right"

"About what Owen"

With a smirk, Owen whispered. "Jack IS going to kill you. And not just for that. You blabbed our secret to the entire police department. Luckily, they just thought you were high and talking shit"

Ianto covered his face and breathed deeply. "Jack can't know about this. It'll just upset him. He's tried so hard to make me better and he has. So much. Now I've gone and cocked things up again"

"Come on mate, you slipped. One little mistake. We can handle it. He can handle it. It's not like none of the other has never slipped up. Even yours truly. Don't pretend you're not human. And uhm … Jack kind of already knows"

"WHAT?" Ianto screamed out. "How? Why? Did you call him?"

"No, I didn't. But the police officer said he paid the amount required for bail and that you refused to go with him Yan"

"Why wouldn't I?" Ianto said, more a question for himself than Owen.

"Well" started Owen, chuckling. "Last night was one of the worst cases of paranoia I've seen on someone who is under the influence"

"Shit" cursed Ianto.

Owen snorted and crossed his arms across his chest. "Shit indeed. He's not going to let you off the hook easily. Jack doesn't respond well to people not trusting him. As you know. And in your case, he's going to be livid"

Gloomily, Ianto traced lines across his legs. "Even worst. This probably hurt him"

He got up and draped the warm duvet around him. "Mind if I take a shower?"

"Please do, you smell like a ripe whore" Owen answered.

* * *

Owen was left behind pondering. _He had always seemed so aloof, never letting anyone in. But today he just told me everything I wanted to know. Even the embarrassing stuff. Maybe it's not about him not talking to us, maybe he was right all along. Maybe we just don't ask him anything. Mind you, wouldn't hurt going through the CCTV for those images. _

His train of thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone ringing. The name Harkness flashed in bright green letters. Before answering, he took in a big breath and braced himself for a difficult call.

"Hey Jack. I'll be at work in an hour. Something came up. Sorry I didn't call" Owen said. He decided it was best of he didn't rat out Ianto. Not now that he was trusting him. If Ianto wanted to come clean with Jack, he had to decide when. It was his ass and his relationship on the line.

An American voice chuckled lightheartedly and Owen could actually hear him grinning. "Something like Ianto getting arrested?"

Owen mouthed a curse and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, look I was going to tell you but I figured it wasn't my place since you and him … well you know"

"Don't worry about it. I'll deal with him later. I've paid his bail and tried to get him out but he didn't want to. I know he called you" Jack answered. "And not me"

Owen heard the disappointment and hurt in his boss' voice. Uncharacteristically, he felt his heart break. He knew what they had gone through together and even though he didn't fully support nor understand their relationship, he was fond and felt protective of both men. Not that he would ever tell them. "Look, it's easier asking someone else. It's not that he doesn't care. He just cares too much Jack. He didn't want to disappoint you"

"I guess" Jack answered, not fully convinced. "Is he ok?"

"It'll take another few hours for the cocaine to fully leave his body but there shouldn't be any trouble. Jack, he's still struggling though, mentally"

Owen heard a distinct spluttering and coughing sound on the other end of the phone. "Did you just say cocaine?"

Owen mouthed another, more rude, curse and was mentally kicking himself. "Yeah, he did coke last night and that's how he got into troubles. But you didn't hear it from me"

Jack sighed. "He seems to trust you. Take care of him"

Without waiting for an answer, Jack ended the call.

* * *

Two hours and a silent car ride later, a loud alarm informed the team that Owen and Ianto had entered. Polite "Hello's" were muttered but the atmosphere was heavy. The cause of that was a bickering, gloomy and brooding Jack Harkness, pacing back and forward in his office and occasionally rudely shouting out orders.

Gwen smiled at Ianto but her eyes remained stern. She pointed at Jack's office and guided Ianto to the stairs. "Go" she whispered. "Before he throws us all out. Whatever you did, and I don't need to know, fix it. We need the old Jack back"

Hesitantly, Ianto walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.

The door flew open and Ianto stood eye in eye with the captain. A furious captain by the looks of it.

"Oh, it's you" Jack said. His expression went from angry to sad. "What do you want?"

Jack turned his back and walked away from the door to the filing cabinet, pretending the search for a particular document.

Ianto sat himself down on the couch and watch his lover. _My beautiful Jack. Well I say mine but is he really? _

Suddenly Jack threw the document he was holding on his desk. "Look, I know what happened and you know I know so let's just cut to the chase. I do not expect you to live like a priest but I cannot tolerate drug use amongst my employees. I should fire you on the spot. This isn't the first time you defied me Ianto and I wonder how much more I can take from you"

He started pacing again with his hands entangled behind his back.

He was stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jack turned around and saw a tear-filled Ianto in front of him. Arms snaked around the captain and Ianto rested his forehead on Jack's shoulders. "I'm an idiot and I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. Fire me if you must, but don't hate me. I couldn't bare that"

Unwilling hands rubbed Ianto's back. _Why am I comforting him? He didn't even love me enough to come home with me. _"I don't hate you. I never could"

Jack felt the man relax underneath his embrace. He slightly pulled away and whispered. "Cocaine Ianto? What were you thinking? What brought this on? And don't say it's nothing because it clearly is something"

"It was Lisa's birthday last week. And I met up with this friend. We started talking about our lives. And I kept thinking about the stuff that happened. And how I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell my best friend. It all was too much and I needed an escape. I didn't want to call you because I know you have been struggling as well. Plus I've relied on you so much the past year"

"And I don't mind that Ianto! You mean the world to me"

"As do you Jack. And it scares me. Because people have always left me. And I don't want you to"

Unconsciously, Ianto pulled Jack tighter to his chest. Jack didn't really feel it as he did the exact same thing at the exact same time.

"Ianto baby, I can't promise you I won't leave again. I'm sorry but I can't. But I can promise you is that I will always come back. I'd fight my way through hell and back to find you again. You should know that by now"

Ianto sniffed slightly and he closed his wet eyes for a second, gathering courage. "I just lo…" Ianto started. He sighed as yet again the words died in his mouth. "I just find it hard to believe that you see something in me. I'm just ordinary whereas you are not"

"Why would you say that Yan?"

"You've seen the stars Jack. You've seen it all. Why would you stay here in Cardiff?"

Jack lovingly ran his fingers through Ianto's hair, soothing his guilt and Ianto's confusion. "Because here in Cardiff, I have found something so ordinary and yet so extraordinary"

"What's that?" asked Ianto.

Jack cupped Ianto's cheek and planted a tender kiss on his lips. "A home with you"

Ianto blinked back tears and managed to smile. Four simple words eased his mind and made him feel reborn, despite the aftereffects of last night.

* * *

Owen sat behind his desk and typed vigorously away at his keyboard. Suddenly a smile crept on his face and his eyes lit up as if it was the fourth of July.

He rolled his chair back and shouted throughout the Hub: "Ianto, mate you never told me you liked wearing pink lady's underwear"

Jack's office opened with a burst and Ianto came running down stairs. "Owen bloody Harper, I am going to kill you"

* * *


	12. Chapter 12: Altercations with the future

note: So this story is dedicated to all the nice people who read my first fanfic "Come what may". I read it again two days ago and there was one chapter I wished I had written. The one where Jack and Eleanor have a heart to heart about who she really is.

For those who have not read it, Eleanor is a alien from a planet called Venuvia. She came to Earth and to Torchwood to help Jack face an upcoming foe. This is all I can say without giving away the plot. For this story it is important that you understand her ability. She can sense other people's emotions.

I've just seen that these stories have been reviewed 52 times. It has certainly exceeded my expectations and I would like to thank each and everyone of you for reading, reviewing and adding me to story/author alert. I put alot of heart and soul into these stories and I am so happy that people seem to enjoy them. Thank you for giving me and sharing my creative inspiration. You all rock.

* * *

**Altercations with the future **

Jack watched Eleanor and Ianto chat enthusiastically from his office. He watched her and he watched him. Observing their behavior. A twinge of jealousy shot through Jack as he thought about how quickly Eleanor had befriended him. With seemingly no effort she had brought Ianto out of his shell, making him laugh at her silly jokes, linking arms with him as they walked and making him smile _that smile_. The smile he showed when he was happy. Truly happy. The smile that he had so often brought out in him. And now there was someone else doing the exact same thing. Ianto was a difficult man to get to know, always shy and reserved and it took Jack a long time to get close to him. Ianto had somehow resisted his charms, something that not a lot of people could, and that was just one of the many reasons that made Ianto so appealing. But once he had fought his way through his defenses, he had discovered a realm so wonderful he could dwell in for ages. A world so astonishing and so full of Ianto-ness he could not wait to curl up in bed beside him and just talk or watch him sleep. Then this girl comes in and completely takes him over, just by walking in and smiling. And in a heartbeat she had accomplished what Jack had to fight so hard for. True, Eleanor was a likeable person. Someone who is always cheerful, positive, funny and she always has a sense of goodness about her. It wasn't hard to imagine that the team was taken by her. But something about the relationship between her and Ianto made him feel a bit uneasy.

Jack had kept some distance between him and Eleanor. He had to, he was the boss. He could not afford to let his guard down as the consequences could be disastrous. But somehow this cheerful young girl was slowly and steadily melting him. He found himself liking her, trusting her and even longing for her presence. And that just after two weeks. Something about her felt so right, so natural and so very familiar. He couldn't quite place her but somewhere he felt he knew her. Like a long lost friend that suddenly found his way back into your life. But the questions still burned fiercely in his mind and Jack had made a decision. That afternoon, he was going to confront her, one way or another.

The Rift was exceptionally busy that day. Four weevil sightings in the afternoon and multiple minor, thus not really important, rift activity. The team was exhausted, sore and emotionally spent. Ianto lay miserably on the stretcher with his arm plastered up. A weevil had carelessly thrown him against a brick wall, knocking him out instantaneously. He had hit the beast with a rod in an attempt to get him off a cornered Toshiko. A broken wrist, bruised ribs, bump on the head and a splitting headache were the result of the weevil's rage. Jack sat beside him, sipping his chamomile tea and occasionally caressing Ianto's sleeping form.

A pained expression graced the Captain's face as he heard Ianto whimper and groan in his sleep.

Footsteps behind the pair startled Jack out of his trance.

"Hey Eleanor, have you come to visit the hero of the hour?" Jack cheerfully said.

Eleanor grimaced as she watched Ianto sleep. Her eyes glided over the bruises, plaster and the shivering body. She frowned and an angry expression replaced the once loving and smiling face.

"How could you let this happen, Captain?" she asked.

"What do you mean, Eleanor?"

"This, Captain! Ianto's hurt! He shouldn't be. You're suppose to keep your team safe. And now Ianto's lying hurt in this horrible sterile bed and the rest of the team are on the edge of exhaustion. What kind of a leader are you if you can't even keep them safe?"

Her voice had lost the kind and caring tone she used to speak with. She stood there in front of a gob smacked Jack, and spoke surprisingly authoritative and angry.

Jack turned to face her and in a soft and calm voice he responded. "There was little I could do Eleanor. I understand you are upset but everyone in here knows the risks we take by just walking out that door. I, for one, am proud that Ianto handles himself so well in the field. If you can't seem to get over that, then maybe you should question whether or not you are cut out for this job.

"I was trained to be a warrior, Captain. I know what battle entails, but it still is your job to take care of them"

Eleanor knelt beside the bed and caressed the bruised face of her friend. A single tear tenderly fell from her big brown eyes and she let it fall, sobbing when it settled on her chin. "If you would just stop thinking about yourself for a minute you would realize that they have a lot more to lose than you"

"Why do you care so much?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"What do you mean? He's my friend. Of course I care" she retorted angrily.

"You've only known him for a two weeks and yet you're crying by his bedside over minor injuries. What are you not telling me Eleanor?"

"Doesn't matter Captain"

"I beg to differ" Jack hissed. "Are you seeing him?"

Eleanor gave Jack a disgusted look. "No, of course not. It's nothing like that. Unlike you I don't need to sleep with everyone I seem care about"

Jack tilted his head sideways and his jaw slightly dropped open. "How dare you talk to me like that?" he said, voice a bit higher than before. "For starters, I AM your boss. You don't get to talk to me like that. Second, how dare you even suggest that I don't care about my team. You don't know me or them. And you certainly don't get to care more about them than I do. How DARE you suggest that Ianto's safety means nothing to me. That HE means nothing to me"

"I'm sorry Captain, you are right. I was out of line. Like you said, I'm upset"

Eleanor looked apologetic at Jack but the man was too furious to even register.

"I want you to leave" Jack ordered.

"What?" responded Eleanor.

"You heard me Eleanor. Get out of my sight"

Angrily, she stomped away from the medical bay.

* * *

Two hours later, Ianto had slept off the medicine and was walking around cheerfully in the hub. "Guys, I've made coffee but I can't carry it so if you want some, you better hurry to the kitchen"

Within the minute the little kitchen was filled with the Torchwood-employees sipping their liquid treasure and talking amongst themselves about their daily hassles. Eleanor and Jack however placed themselves in opposite corners and didn't even seem to acknowledge the other's presence.

Ianto glanced back and forwards between the two and frowned. "Did I miss something?"

Gwen and Tosh locked eyes and suddenly hurried out of the kitchen. "Sorry, I just remembered that I left the program on" Tosh hastily said. "I'll help you with that" Gwen proclaimed.

Owen stared out in front of him, took a giant gulp and muttered: "I'm going to go anywhere but here"

Jack and Eleanor exchanged glances and simultaneously mumbled "nothing".

"Right, so there is no reason why the other just bolted out here huh. I am going to leave now but the next time I see you two you better have worked things out" said Ianto firmly. "I hate childish behavior and I've got a feeling that you two are just being stubborn. Jack, I will see you tonight"

Ianto left, leaving his two miserable co-workers behind.

Eleanor cleared her throat. "I'm sorry Captain. I should not have spoken like that. I know you do care about the team, especially Ianto. I was upset and acted stupid"

"I guess I may have overreacted as well" Jack softly whispered.

"Are we cool?" questioned Eleanor, looking hopeful.

"Yeah" Jack responded, granting Eleanor that heartbreaking smile. Eleanor squealed and hugged her captain, who in return kissed the top of her head.

Eleanor savored the last taste of the coffee and quickly washed the cup. She felt Jack's worry subside but his suspicions about her increased. The Captain's emotions were strong and overpowering. A sudden fear and pressing need to break away grew inside her, not wanting the captain to ask her that question that was burning on his lips.

For a moment she thought she was in the clear but Jack's hesitating voice stopped her from walking out of the kitchen. "Wait, tell me … who are you really?"

"I'm whoever you need me to be Captain"

"Eleanor, stop the riddles. I know you are here to help us defeat an oncoming big bad but you never explained us how, what and why. Why is it that everyone seems to trust you like that? Even me, and believe you me I do not trust people easily"

Eleanor sighed. She tried to steady her trembling hands by rubbing them furiously on her jeans. She sat down on her chair and stared intensively at the table "You might not believe me"

"Eleanor, trust me I have seen a lot more than you can imagine. Try me, you might be surprised"

Jack sat down next to hear and rubbed her back. "Go on"

"You may have figured out that I am not only from another planet, but also from another time. I'm from the future, Captain. Your future"

"My future?" asked a shocked Jack.

"Yeah. Ever since I was a child I was treated differently because they suspected that I was the chosen one. The chosen one to end the war of all wars. The war that will destroy the universe. So they hid me, isolated me. They trained me into a warrior. I was trapped in my own room, reliving the training day and night. Trapped in my own reality. Not being able to think about something else than the big fight. I cried out for help, for anyone to come and rescue me. And then he came"

Eleanor paused. She drew deep breaths but still daren't look at Jack.

"He?" asked Jack nervously. His heart started pounding heavily beneath his chest. He was close to the truth but now that he was getting his answers, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Him, Captain. The lone wanderer. The traveler midst the stars. The oncoming storm. Him, Captain. Does it ring any bells?"

Eleanor sharply looked up and saw shock in her Captain's eyes, mixed in with a little fear.

"Eleanor, you know the doctor?"

"Yes, he vowed to keep me safe and to give me a life. He took me away and offered me the stars. He showed me places, good and bad, and he passed on his infinite wisdom. But after a while he told me that I needed to be somewhere stable. Surrounded with people that love me and to be a normal teenager. He took me to the one person he trusted more than life. He took me to you Captain"

Jack's trembling hands shook the cup he was holding, spilling coffee over the edge. Slowly he took one big gulp and let the hotness burn his throat. "Me? So in the future, you work for me?"

"Not only that. Can't you see Captain? I'm yours Captain! I was brought to you; lost, alone and forgotten. And you took me in and raised me as your own. Every time you could, you read me stories and tucked me in, even when I was old enough. You held me as I cried and shared my happiness when I laughed. Every night you sang me songs. Even when you were amongst the stars, you still managed to get hold of me before I went to bed. I'm your daughter Captain, albeit not by blood but I am definitely yours"

Jack rested his head on his hands and pondered for a second. "That's … wow"

"I know, and that's why I wanted to wait to tell you. Until you got to know me and maybe even figure it out for yourself. But you're just too damned stubborn" Eleanor responded.

Jack chuckled lightheartedly. "What about Ianto? How does he fit into this picture"

Eleanor's lips curled up to a cautious smile. "Ianto helps. Growing up in the hub is not easy. Sometimes you had to go away. For months. And whenever you weren't there, Ianto did everything you did. He's like my big brother"

Jack returned Eleanor's smile and nodded. "That sounds like him"

"Yeah. He even scared the shit out of my first boyfriend. Threatened to send a weevil after him if he tried anything"

Jack laughed loudly and clapped his hands. "Brilliant"

"You actually punched him when he cheated on me Captain"

"I did? Well, he must've deserved it" Jack responded, still laughing.

"He did" Eleanor responded, enjoying Jack's laugh.

"Did I do good Eleanor?"

"You were wonderful Captain"


	13. Chapter 13: A poem for Jack

Jack sighes as he looks at the huge pile of unfinished reports on his "To do"- pile. The neverending task of being a leader beckoned his attention but his concentration soon slipped. On his face lay a shy smile as he picked up a small piece of paper on his desk - unsigned.

* * *

**A poem for Jack**

_I still remember the soft whisper of your voice_

_When you told me you'd be here forever_

_By my side, my trusty warrior_

_I still remember the soft touch of your fingers entwined in mine_

_When you said you loved me_

_That sunny day on the beach_

_I still remember the look in your eyes_

_When I held you tight _

_So close to me, not letting go_

_I still remember my reflection in the mirror_

_Broken and devastated_

_When I felt the emptiness of your absence_

_I still remember the breaking of my heart_

_When I nervously paced by your office_

_And saw nothing but an empty chair_

_I still remember that throbbing pain in my gut_

_When I realized that you might be gone forever_

_Never more privileged by your presence_

_Now you're back_

_And I'm still here_

_Forgotten are the memories that I held dear_

_The tender moments between you and I_

_Lost in time, scattered through space_

_Replaced by a fury beyond my grace_

_I know I soon will crumble_

_Resting d__ormant at your feet_

_With a longing desire to once again be complete_

_I'll summon you by my side_

_To breathe life into my__ blazing flame_

_I'll grant you an honest smile when I __murmur your name_

_Jack _


	14. Chapter 14: Pay it forward

**Pay it forward**

_Ianto _

Gwen opened the door of the tourist office and was busy talking to herself. "Damned cyclist, could slow down before he passed me"

She turned around and was startled by the presence of Ianto, sitting behind the counter and eating a doughnut. He glanced at Gwen standing at the door, muddy and soaked to the bone. She wiped a wet strand of hair from her eyes and kicked the door closed, heaving a sigh of relief.

"Do you often talk to yourself?" Ianto asked.

"Only when I'm pissed off, Ianto"

"I see, you look like shit if I may say so" he responded.

"Well … I had a fight with Rhys about what type or curtains we want. He wants brown. I HATE brown. But what I hate more is the constant bickering in the morning. When I finally got out of the house, Rhys was still screaming at me. I decided to drive here but hey presto! When I wanted to start the car, it just died on me. So I decided to walk, I sure as hell wasn't going to ask Rhys for help. First a car drove by a big puddle of water and completely soaked me. Didn't even stick around for me to call him a wanker. Damned bastard. Shrugged it off but not even 5 minutes later this nut on a bike rushes by me, making me fall … into a nice and thick puddle of mud. Little prick. So excuse me Ianto if I look like shit and believe you me I feel worse!"

Ianto frowned as she whizzed by him. He quickly opened the door to the hub in an attempt not to get yelled at again.

"Gwen, sorry to say" Ianto told her over the Bluetooth phone headset. "But Jack wanted to see you about that unit report you made last might"

"Great" she responded as she dramatically rolled her eyes.

After her meeting with Jack, Gwen hurried to the showers. "Oh lovely, no hot water. It's only 10 in the morning and the day has gone to shit already"

She decided to give herself a quick clean in the sink and put on the spare clothes she kept in her locker.

When she made her way to her desk, a sweet smile crept on her face. On her cluttered desk lay a single red rose with a pink ribbon twirled around the stem. On the end of the ribbon was a little note:

_When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on  
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes_

_ Ianto _

_Gwen_

Gwen, holding a twenty something documents, was on her way to the archives to hand over the files to Ianto when she walked by the autopsy bay. She was stunned to hear Owen cursing in Welsh. The words sounded unnatural when spoken with a cockney accent but they still were unmistakably welsh. Curiously she tiptoed near the railing and watched the medic, cursing like a welsh sailor. He didn't seem to notice her as he was too busy trying to get his trapped hand out of an alien corpse. He tugged at his own hand, trying to break free. When that didn't work, he braced himself with one hand on the autopsy table and pulled, his face turning red with the strain. Owen suddenly lost his balance and fell to the floor, dragging the body with him. A loud thud resounded through the hub, accompanied with metal clanging. His medical tools also fell to the floor, mere centimeters away from his free hand. He gulped as he noticed how close he came to losing a hand, or at the very least a finger. He groaned as the weight of the corpse pressed down his stomach and legs. Ianto, startled by the sudden noise, hurried down the stairs and took in the scenery before him. He pulled his face into a peculiar grimace, half amused and half worried. "What happened" Ianto asked as he, with great effort, picked up the corpse and placed it on the table.

"My hand got stuck in it's gut" the medic responded, blushing heavily.

Ianto shot him an unbelieving look and quickly turned his gaze at Owen's hand inside the corpse. He reached for Owen's hand and tugged it slightly, releasing the hand from the grip.

"Thanks" Owen silently murmured.

"No problem, just don't touch me. I don't think I could _stomach _it" Ianto replied, bursting into a laughing fit. Owen rolled his eyes as he watched Ianto, tears streaming down his face and still laughing, walk up the stairs.

He locked eyes with Gwen and she smiled apologetic. "Why don't you quickly close up the body and shower, I'll do the paperwork" she suggested.

"Thanks Gwen"

"No problem doc"

She gave Owen another sweet smile and walked off, her long black hair dancing behind her.

Owen took pleasure in the feeling of the hot water beams hitting his skin. He groaned loudly as he felt his muscles relax. He gently looked down and saw the yellowish blood of the alien go down the drain. "Great"

He sighed once more and he watched an untanned pattern on his wrist. "I really liked that watch. I hope I left it at home and not inside that thing"

He turned off the shower and cautiously stepped out of the cubicle. On the radiator he found two soft towels, clean clothes and a little note. Beside the radiator and on the floor was a steaming hot cup of coffee. He took the towels and quickly dried off. He moaned as he felt the warm towels brush against his delicate skin. The little note floated to the ground but Owen managed to pick it up just before the wet floor smudged the note.

_Never a dull moment huh_

_ Gwen_

_Owen _

"I'm sorry" Tosh said. "I just can't make it. I really am"

Her hands were shaking as she wrote down an address. "I'll send some flowers 'round … yes I know it won't be the same like my presence but at least it's something"

Tosh sniveled as she put down her phone on her desk and with a tearful face, she started working again. Owen sat down on her desk and lifted up her chin. "Troubles in paradise?"

"My niece is getting married and I can't go" Tosh answered.

"Work?" responded Owen.

"What else is there Owen?"

"True Tosh"

He let his eyes and mind wander for a second. He noticed that he and Toshiko were the only ones in the quiet hub.

"Drink?" Owen asked.

"I need to finish this Owen"

"Come on, it'll cheer you up" Owen retorted, looking down on her with big brown puppy eyes. He mockingly quivered his bottom lip and pouted. "Pretty please?"

Tosh smiled. "Now how can I say no to that?"

Owen sprung on his feet, grabbed her coat and draped it around her. He held out his hand and reached for hers, in an old-school gentleman manner.

"Thank you" Tosh whispered.

"Anything for you"

_Toshiko and Jack_

Jack entered the hub with Owen walking fiercely after him. The team gasped at seeing the state their boss was in. Jack's red-rimmed eyes stood out against his ghostly pale face and bloody hair. His greatcoat, clothes and shoes were shredded, sweaty and bloodstained but none of them portrayed the despair that was present in Jack's stormy blue eyes. He strode past his team and momentarily locked eyes with Ianto, but quickly he turned his gaze away.

"Are you ok Jack?" asked a worried Gwen.

"Shower" Jack just replied.

Ianto watched him walk by and he thought he saw the captain wipe away tears just before he closed the door behind him.

"What happened" asked Toshiko.

"Weevil attack, shot gun wound and electrocution" Owen answered. "Three deaths within 10 minutes and there was nothing I could do to prevent even one of them. Not a very good day I'd say"

When Jack finally left the bathroom, Toshiko and Ianto were the only ones present at the hub. Jack hesitantly nodded as he saw Toshiko put on her coat. She smiled shyly, pondered and then walked towards her boss. Jack was taken by surprise as the Asian embraced him, wrapping her slender arms around his waist and squeezing. "I'm so sorry Jack" she said.

Jack kissed the top of her head and hesitantly let her go. He sat down on her chair and watched her walk out of the door.

Jack breathed deeply and all of the sudden felt exhausted. "I'll be in my office" he said to Ianto, cleaning up after Owen's trail of destruction.

He sat on his couch with his face buried in his hands when he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, slightly trembling but still confident. He looked up and saw Ianto holding a tray.

Ianto placed the tray down on the coffee table in front them and Jack saw a big glass of white fluid, a small cup of dark chocolate pellets and a big piece of a chocolate brownie by it's side.

"Chocolate milk and a brownie?" Jack asked.

"I figured a comfort food would be more appreciated than a normal coffee" Ianto replied.

Jack smiled broadly and quickly dumped all the chocolate into the hot milk. He swirled the chocolate around the liquid with a small spoon and quickly took a sip.

"Mmm dark chocolate" he said. "Is there anything you're not good at?"

"According to Owen, my gaming skills aren't that good" Ianto jokingly said. He smiled but his eyes were sad.

"Rough day?" asked Jack.

"Pretty much yes. Not bad just busy. Tosh needed the rift predicting program debugged, Owen had made a right mess of the autopsy bay, probably as payback for laughing at him, Gwen wanted me to file forgotten reports, nearly 50 of them, and I still needed to work on my own projects. That beside my usual tasks" said Ianto. He sighed deeply and rubbed his temples, trying to alleviate the splitting headache. "But I doubt it was as bad as yours" he continued.

Jack made room for an extra person on the couch and beckoned him over. Ianto nervously sat beside him whilst he watched Jack savor the taste of the chocolate milk.

He groaned at the delight and licked his lips. His eyes sparkled as he noticed his untouched brownie. With a naughty look in his eyes, Jack glanced at Ianto and broke the piece in two, offering him the biggest piece. Ianto reluctantly accepted. "That was suppose to cheer you up" he said.

Jack merely chuckled. "What's the fun of a brownie when you can't share it"

They both ate the brownie in silence and when Jack was done, he threw his arm around Ianto, pulling him closer. Ianto rested his head on his shoulder and bit off a piece of brownie.

Jack kissed his forehead and whispered: "You do so much for others, but who takes care of you?"

"This helps" Ianto quietly said. "But it's fine. I'm used to it by now"

Jack draped a blanket over them and cuddled him further. "I could get used to THIS, you cuddling up to me. I guess I could take care of you?"

Ianto shyly looked up and brushed his lips against Jack's, shallowly kissing him.

"Mmmm chocolate" said Jack, sporting a huge grin.

* * *

nb: Ianto's note contains the lyrics of "Everybody hurts" by REM.

On a more serious note ... I'd like you all to pay it forward! Do a good deed and urge the next person to do the same thing! Spread the love! Start by reviewing :)


	15. Chapter 15: Gloomy thursday

Note: Random Angst and fluff! Tell me what you think!

* * *

**Gloomy Thursday**

Ianto sat alone on a bench overlooking the majestic Cardiff Bay. His thoughtful blue eyes were fixated on a distant point in the far back of the sea and in the periphery of his vision, he saw the city of Cardiff slowly waking up. A postman nodded at him whilst walking by, children cheerfully played as they went on their way to school, busy lawyers conversed on their cell phones and lonely housewives hurried to the bakery. None of them realized that they were safe and sound because 5 eager humans fought day and night and cost what cost to keep them out of harm's way.

Ianto Jones had not gone to bed yet. Exhausted as he was after a night of weevilhunting, actual weevilhunting and not the much-used euphemism, he longed for the comfort and warmth of his bed. But when he walked out of the hub, he was overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the sun rising. He closed the door of the tourist office behind him, paused for a second and breathed in the chilling morning air. He decided to walk instead of driving, his apartment wasn't too far and a good walk might relax him a bit. Memories of weevils biting his friends, leaving them bleeding on the ground as the monsters stalk their next prey, tormented his mind. It was another one of those nights.

_One of those nights were everything that could go wrong, __went wrong. Ianto had watched Owen and Toshiko get injured, his lover killed by the vicious beast and suddenly he and Gwen were confronted by two very angry and hungry weevils. Alone. _

_The two weevils intelligibly cornered the two Torchwood agents up against a wall, eyes glaring into the depths of their soul and portraying only one thing: death. Ianto could feel Gwen's hot breath in his neck as he instinctively tried to shield her with his body. Her trembling hands quickly took hold of his and when their eyes locked, he saw his own fear reflecting in her angry and terrified brown eyes. Both agents cocked their gun and breathed deeply. They both knew that they had one chance, one opportunity to make this work. Two bullets, one pull of the trigger and their faith would be decided. Hit and live. Miss and die. _

_Behind them __they heard a frightened gasp, not loud enough to startle the beasts but noticeable for trained ears. Ianto could see Jack resurrecting and suggesting a pained Owen to get up. The two men stalked the angry weevils. Slowly they came closer to the fiends, alert and guns raised. Jack pressed his finger to his lips, motioning that the cornered agents should remain still and do nothing for the time being. They crept up to the weevils until they were standing dangerously close behind them. In silent agreement, four guns were fired simultaneously and swiftly the two weevils fell to the floor, bleeding out of their wounds. _

_With that, the weevils had been captured and work soon regressed to their normal pace, whatever that means. _

Long after the physical threat had been evaded, the thoughts of the encounter still plagued Ianto. Especially the sickening feeling he got when he saw blood. Blood of his friends, his lover and lastly his own. A pulsating deep red was all he could see and think of.

His bloodstained suit had crinkled during the night and sitting on that bench, the young man had lost the flair and elegance he had that same very morning. He looked down at his hands and there were still traces of blood visible on his palms and fingernails. He smelt his hands and the sickening feeling returned with a vengeance: the iron of the blood, that typical smell of blood seeped into his brain. The smell of death. The smell you recognized instinctively, due to the magnificent process of evolution, and that warns you for impending danger. It grasps your every fiber and urges you to do one little thing: Run, run for your lives.

For Torchwood, they never got to run away from it. They had to stay and fight, with the world at stake.

* * *

The sun was shining brightly and the cold morning air soon thawed. A handsome gentleman, wearing dark blue jeans, a fitted T-shirt and that gorgeous greatcoat wavering behind him, gracefully strode towards Ianto. He sat down beside him, relaxing on the back of the bench.

"I've borrowed your jeans" the man said.

"And my top as well" Ianto responded whilst eyeing up his clothes on another man.

"And your top" the man replied, granting Ianto a heartbreaking grin. "How come you're still here? I figured you'd gone home a long time ago. Noticed you sitting here on the CCTV"

"Too tired to stay awake, too excited to sleep" Ianto grimly answered.

The man draped his arm around Ianto and pulled him closer. "You did well out there today. You kept your cool and reacted intuitively. I saw you… protect Gwen"

Ianto trembled and in an attempt to comfort him, the man placed a soft kiss on his temple.

"Three of my friends were down, I wasn't going to lose a fourth" Ianto replied, voice hoarse with emotion.

"Even at your own cost Ianto?"

"Jack … at every cost"

Ianto shuffled closer to the captain, savoring his body heat. The temperature was hotting up but on the inside he felt colder.

"What's on your mind sunshine?" the Captain asked.

"Don't worry, I'm just being silly Jack"

"Yan … if it's upsetting you, then I doubt it's nothing"

"Do you ever get scared Jack? I come in every day and I see us working so hard to save the world. And I worry. I worry about everyone. We're always at the ready to save the world. But who'll save us? We do this dance for so long and we're missing out on life. I sat here watching the sun rise, Jack. I haven't done that in ages. I actually forgot what it looked like. It just made me realize that our lives are slipping through our fingers and we're not doing anything to stop it. And who's there for us when we need help? What if we crumble?"

"I am" the Captain responded. "I'll always be there"

"Jack, I know you want to but you can't promise me none of us will get harmed. We've already lost so many on the job"

"I won't let anyone harm you Ianto. I promise"

"Don't promise me that" Ianto replied.

"Why not?"

"Because you can't promise me. You know the drill. The only way out of Torchwood is in a body bag"

Jack heard the words tumble out of his lover's mouth and felt a sudden rush of fear, overwhelming his senses. He held him tighter as if holding on to him, was the best way to keep him safe "Don't talk like that Ianto"

Ianto chuckled, looked up and kissed Jack on the lips. "Sorry, I'm just tired and gloomy"

Jack smiled shyly. "I've noticed that. And you're right. I can't promise you that. But we're both here today and very much alive. So let's make the most of it!"

Jack abruptly stood up and reached for Ianto's hand. "What do you say if I take you home, make you a five star breakfast and afterwards we go shopping, have a picnic in the park and then a movie? We could take your nephew and his dog along, if you want. I know seeing them always puts a smile on your face. Or just the two of us. Whatever makes you happy my lord"

Ianto grinned and accepted his hand. "Why, my Captain, that does sound wonderful. But just one thing …"

"What's that Ianto?"

"Between the breakfast and the shopping, could we just sleep? I'm fucking exhausted"

Jack chuckled and with a small tug at Ianto's hand, he pulled him closer and wrapped his coat around him. "Like I said, whatever makes you happy"

Ianto took pleasure in the embrace, finally feeling safe and warm again. He buried his face in Jack's neck and breathed in deeply the scent of his lover. The touches, kisses and smells reminded and reassured him that this man, Captain Jack Harkness, was real, with him and promising him an amazing day.

"So … the plans sound great?" Jack asked nervously.

"Oh yeah, abso-fucking-lutely" Ianto replied.


	16. Chapter 16: Behind blue eyes

Songfic: Behind blue eyes by The Who. I absolutelly loathe Limp Bizkit's version but this one is just breathtakingly good. I heard it again last night and i felt inspired to write a story. This song is so beautifully adequate for Ianto's "darker times" during season 1 and these are a collection of his thoughts. Angst-overload! I hope you all enjoy this. Review pweeeaaasssee! :)

* * *

_** Behind blue eyes**_

**I walk through the big cog door and instantly feel all eyes set on me. I look up and see my boss nodding. A sign of approval. I don't even deserve that much. I can't bare to look at the rest. Not now. Not just yet. But I can feel them. I can sense what they're thinking. It's so obvious, it's all around me in the air. Like poison. Venom infiltrating my veins and slowly polluting my blood. **

**I look in front of me and see the exact spot where she lay bleeding. I can still see her there, even though her presence hasn't graced me in such a long time. I freeze. I bury my hands in my pockets because they are trembling so much. No one needs to know. I tear my eyes away and look to my side. I see the place where I first saw the pizza boxes. A direct omen of worse to come. I remembered that I had ordered pizza for the team that day. The girl somehow must have found a way in. Oh god, right next to boxes was a massive amount of blood. Hers or the pizza girl, Annie I think her name was. I could not tell whose it was. I remember that moment clearly because that is the moment I knew I'd lost Lisa. Even if she had survived, then Annie would be dead. I could not let her kill again. I noticed the electricity acting up again. Oh God, not again. I feared for Annie. Maybe there was till a chance that she was alive so I ran as hard as I could. I don't even remember pulling out my gun and cocking it. I ran and ran to the place I knew Lisa was. The basement. And there she lay, broken and in pieces. Her dead eyes looking up into mine. I could hardly see. Tears forming a thick veil and impairing my vision. Her blood on my hands as I caress her. Her cold and metallic body. Minutes or hours went by, all in a haze. Grief and mourning clouded my judgment and all I could hear were my cries and the deafening silence of death. I lay beside her with just one constant thought: I've lost her.**

**A voice behind me spoke. Someone said my name. Oh God, it was Annie, claiming to be Lisa, claiming to be human. But it can't be. How could it? She rested lifeless at my feet. **

**I pulled my gun on her. I had to. Whoever she was, or whatever, she wasn't the girl I fell in love with. Lisa would never have killed anyone. She couldn't even kill a spider. I felt my gun slip through my bloody fingers, my hands were so stained that I couldn't even grasp the gun properly. All the while she kept talking, resurrecting ancient and buried memories, delicious memories. Memories of her. My guts are on fire and I tighten the grip on the trigger. She asked me to hold her. But I had to shoot her. She killed. But in the end I crumbled. I succumbed to my grief and collapsed in her arms. For a minute, it even felt like her, my sweet Lisa. Until she reminded me of the monster that had occupied her body. "Now we can be upgraded together"**

**I turned around to execute my order but before I could, bullets were pumped into her. I could not do anything to help. Her or them. I just stood there, crying, heaving and trembling. Torchwood had finally crushed me. I turned to them and saw their expressions. Hatred, loathing, betrayal. **

**I'm still standing at the door and I feel Jack eyeing me. He must wonder what I'm doing, standing there like an idiot and looking around me. Okay Ianto, get your act together again. I see a trash bag. I'll just clean up. That still is my job. It's what I have to do. My penance. **

_No one knows what its like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes  
_

**The first person to speak to me is Toshiko. A careful "Hello Ianto" is muttered as she walks past me. I nod and in the second it takes for her to glance at me, I notice her fiery eyes. Tosh. Oh god, Toshiko, the closest thing to a best friend. And now it's all gone. I close my eyes and a vision of her slumping corpse on the ground invaded my mind. I try so hard to erase the image but I can not. I know it's the guilt doing this to me. But I have to remind myself what I have done. What I could have done. What could have happened. My sweet Tosh, I could never hurt you. Not intentionally. I'd rather die than see you hurt at my hands. **

**I turn around to tell her this but she is already gone. She didn't stick around for me to gather enough courage for an apology. My fault, all mine.**

**I feel a hand on my shoulder and soft voice whispering in my ear. "Welcome back pet"**

**As I rotate, I lock eyes with Gwen. She murmurs sweet words but I can hardly hear them. They are like whispers of a ghost. Chilling, surreal and so far away. They sound nice but I know she doesn't believe them. Her words say "forgiven" but her eyes say something else. I know she's trying to be nice but empty words sting even more. I see it in her soul. Her anger towards me. For putting her in danger. I remember her sitting in that chair, shouting. She must've been terrified. How could she not be? Blades rushing past her scalp, threatening to cut her open as if she were butter. My fault, all mine.**

**Besides anger, there is compassion. That's so typical Gwen. She cares so much, even when it's not earned. Her bottomless sympathy. Once again I blink and I see her bloodied and cut open. My fault, always my fault.**

**My first act of penance was a small one. Coffee. If there is one thing I could do right, it was make coffee. Tosh, Gwen and Jack eagerly accepted. Owen didn't even glance at the cup. My fault, always my fault. **

_No one knows what its like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies  
_

**What else could I have done? Let her die like that? She was breathing. Still alive. I really did think I could save her. Heal her. Built my future with her again. She asked me to save her. So I did. Isn't that what one does for their loved ones? Follow them unconditionally?**

**If only they knew her, how beautiful she was. Inside and out. Maybe they'd understand. I've never met someone else with so much love, compassion and respect. She did not deserve this. What kind of fiancée would I have been if I didn't move mountains to save her?**

**All they see is me bringing a monster to the hub. But she wasn't. Not when I had her. She was just the most wonderful person in the world. At least to me she was. And she was hurt. I had to heal her.**

**I never did see the monster in her. Up until the moment she threw me away like a ragged doll, killed Jack and hurt my friends. The cyberman inside her never showed itself to me before that crucial moment. To me, she was just Lisa. My Lisa in agony. **

_But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
_

**At night, I barely sleep. My dreams and nightmares are tormented by images of guns, blood and metal. A mechanical grinding resounds in my ears when I wake up, jerking upright with frightened eyes and desperately gasping for air. I hopelessly feel around me for something familiar or comforting but all I can feel are tear filled linnen. My bed is vacant and so am I. I sleepwalk through my life, barely registering what is going on outside my littered world. Nothing exist but the throbbing and aching anguish, overwhelming me every second of the day. **

**During the day, I barely eat. The taste of food contaminates my taste buds. All I can taste is blood and vengeance. I do what I'm told. I do my chores and I keep my head down. When they ask me for coffee, I brew them coffee. When they ask me to file, I go to the archives. When they choose to scream, I let them. Unconditionally. Because they have every right to. **

**Night after night I find myself drunk on the couch looking down the barrel of a gun. I see the ending and I feel the pain. But something inside me stops me. One second of pain and all will be over. No, it can't be that easy. Because all of this, is my fault. Always my fault. And absolution does not come that easily.**

_I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free  
_

**Jack's been coming round my apartment ever since … the accident. The day I failed to save the one thing that I held so dear. He's been good to me, God knows why. The last person I'd imagine to take care of me is Jack. And yet he does, without me asking for his companionship. He's seen me at my worse. Drunk, sick, bloodied and suicidal. He's seen it all in me. And all he can say is "Hang on". And what exactly am I suppose to hang on to, Jack Harkness? There is nothing left for me here on this earth. Everything I had, I lost in London. Not even two years ago. So what am I suppose to stay here for, Harkness?**

**Maybe he takes pity on me. One other thing I don't deserve. Or maybe he understands. Maybe he's done the same thing. No, I doubt it. I know he's done bad things but he'd never put others in danger. Not him, it can't be. The bloody hero of the hour.**

**I still see him pumping those bullets into her. Why could he not even give her a chance? One little chance. No, he obliterated every possibility instantaneous. With that one shot, he took away my soul. As she died at his hands, so did I. The biggest monster of them all.**

**And he's the one visiting me daily. Making sure I eat and go to bed. Making sure there are no guns around the house. Luckily he doesn't know about my private gun. I think he'd shoot me if he knew I kept something else from him. But I need it. I need to feel the cold steel in my mouth, under my chin or against my temples. I need it.**

**Why does he come by so often? Guilt? **

**Why does he hold me when I cry? Why does he tells me everything will be better soon? Why doesn't he lie? Why is he so nice to me? Why did he tell me I'm forgiven? Why does he care?**

**A bullet between the eyes would have been kinder. **

_No one knows what it__'s like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you_

**No one but Jack knows how hard this is hitting me. Breathing hurts. Living hurts. Walking around the hub hurts. It feels like everything I do is a mockery of her death. I live but she doesn't. A blessing and a curse. I visit her grave often, with Jack creeping behind me. He fears I might crumble and fall into eternity. Sometimes I talk to her, sometimes I cry. But no one sees it but Jack. No one pays attention. No one needs to. That's the way I like it. **

**I walk through the hub with eye patches. I hardly look my so called friends in the eye. They don't need to see the despair, the hurt. Because I'd make a mockery of them. They're the ones that should be hurting, not me. I'm the one who screwed up. I'm the one who has a lot of groveling to do. **

_No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through  
_

**I wonder if they'll ever forgive me. Really forgive me. I hope they will. Jack said I need to forgive myself first. But I can't. How can I?**

**I can't wait for the day this will all end. Either I will visit my own grave or I will be able to hold my head up high again. One of the two. But not the in-between. This I can't take for long. This is torture.**

_But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
_

**Sometimes I laugh at something he says. Or smile back at him when he grants me a smirk. A butterfly sometimes flutters by. And then I feel the razorblade on my skin again, gently caressing the first layers of my being. Slithering inside. Pain. Hopelessness. Guilt. It all comes back. How can I be happy for even one second when she's no longer breathing? **

_When my fist clenches, crack it open  
Before I use it and lose my cool  
When I smile, tell me some bad news  
Before I laugh and act like a fool  
_

**Jack thinks it might be a good idea if I came along with the team on a field mission. Brecon's beacon. I know the place, I grew up between it's fields. Such a beautiful and calming place. I accepted his invitation, reluctantly. I planned on drinking myself into oblivion tonight. But I guess I have to change my plans.**

**Before I realize what is happening, I am stuck in a cellar with Toshiko. Cut off limbs in the fridge. Toshiko tries to protect me from it. Not wanting me to see what it is. And then I open the fridge. Again, the smell of blood.**

**Turns out the villagers eat humans. So there is someone more disgusting than me on this planet. And the team is at their mercy. **

**There is me and Toshiko. On the floor, ready to be butchered. I resist. No. Not her. And not like this. I am not going to lose another woman I love in such an inhumane way. I tell her to run. There is no way I can get out but that doesn't matter. She has a chance. Moments later, that man beats me senseless. I hold on as long as I can. Savoring the pain that for once wasn't emotional. I feel the butcher's knife at my throat, dangerously close to my aorta. I feel my heartbeat pulsating strongly against the blade and I shiver. For a second I pray he would just do it. One slit of the throat and I am gone. Bittersweet salvation. And not by my hands. Just one second. **

**I drift in and out of consciousness. Not knowing what is happening. I think I hear Owen cursing and Gwen crying behind me. And then suddenly there is screaming and shouting and guns going off. In the corner of my eye, I see Jack's tormented face. I smile because I know that the team is safe. Jack's temper rages on for minutes on end. Until everyone that had done wrong, has been wounded. And still I am alive. I survive. **

**For the first time, Lisa was not present in my mind. And once again, I viciously wish the man had just got on with it.**

**I feel myself falling into a pitch-black darkness. My eyes are swollen and everything inside me hurts. The taste of blood is still staining my taste-buds but this time the blood is actually there. I feel the irony liquid seep through my clothing. I don't know the extent of my injuries and I honestly do not care. Just leave me here on the floor, bleeding. And I'll vanquish myself into purgatory. **

**Suddenly I feel two strong arms holding me upright. A warm cloak is being wrapped around me and I smell his odor. That delicious mixture that made the captain so unique. I struggle to open my eyes and when I succeed, I look up into a two stormy blue eyes that remind me of the ocean on a clear and peaceful day. When he quickly glances at the culprits, I see anger and disgust in his eyes. As he once again locks eyes with me, I see worry and panic. His beautiful lips mouth words I cannot understand. I try hard to keep my attention on the American but I soon feel my heavy eyelids dragging me back into the darkness. I feel the coat embracing me, holding me together. He supports me as I stumble towards the SUV. He caresses me as I tremble. Why does he care? **

_If I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat  
If I shiver, please give me a blanket  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat  
_

_**I can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach is full of rats. It feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt. **_

_No one knows what its like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes_


	17. Chapter 17: Friendly advice

Gwen and Ianto friendship ... something that defenitelly deserves more attention! Starts off with an email conversation and moves on to a lunchdate :)

Reviews make me happy :)

**Friendly advice**

* * *

Subject: Lunch?

From: Ianto Jones

To: Gwen Cooper

_Hey Gwen,_

_Listen, want to grab a bite to eat at around 13h? I have this personal thing that I need advice on. If you don't mind?_

_Greetings,_

_Ianto._

* * *

Subject: re: Lunch?

From: Gwen Cooper

To: Ianto Jones

_Hey Ianto,_

_Lunch sounds great. Fish and chips? I am supposed to be on a diet but I'm really yearning for some good ol' chippies. _

_And of course I don't mind, pet. I'm always here for you :-)_

_Love,_

_Gwen_

* * *

Subject: re: re: Lunch?

From: Ianto Jones

To: Gwen Cooper

_Hey,_

_Chips sound great. Haven't had some in ages._

_And Gwen, thanks for doing this. I'd ask Tosh but she'd get embarrassed. And Owen … well he's not really an option. _

_Greetings,_

_Ianto._

_Ps: You do NOT need to lose weight. You are beautiful just the way you are. _

* * *

At one o'clock Gwen walked up to the tourist office and found Ianto slouching on his chair behind the desk. "You ready, Ianto? I'm starved" Gwen said.

"Yep, just need my coat" Ianto replied.

Ianto quickly disappeared to the back room and when he came back, he was wearing this gorgeous grey overcoat that perfectly complemented his light blue eyes. He walked to the door and turned the knob whilst reaching out his hand to Gwen. With a steady hand he helped her over the threshold and let her walk before him.

Gwen chuckled. "And they say chivalry is dead"

Ianto linked arms with the Welshwoman and chuckled back at her. "I try my best"

They made small talk as they walked up to their favorite fish and chips shop right by the bay. They waited for ten minutes before the teethless man behind the counter had asked them what they would like to order.

"Lunch is on me" Ianto proclaimed.

"How very generous of you! Jack must've given you a raise. No pun intended" Gwen replied.

Ianto blushed heavily as he took the orders from the teetheless Welshman. "Cheeky" he muttered under his breath.

They sat down on opposite sides of the table and started eating. Ianto groaned as he bit into a few chips. "Is there anything that tastes better than chips?"

Gwen nodded in agreement but she had stopped eating. "So … you needed my advice on something?"

Ianto cleared his throat, took a sip of his cola and sighed. "Yeah. Kind of. I'm struggling with … Jack"

"Oh, trouble in paradise?" Gwen asked.

"No, nothing like that. It's just that … I've never had a man as a partner before. And men are so different than women" Ianto replied.

Gwen was busy eating but nodded anyway. "Go on"

"There's this thing I want to do … and Jack absolutely doesn't want to" Ianto began. "Usually I am able to _persuade _my girlfriends. You know, I can be quite charming if I want to"

Gwen chuckled loudly. "I can believe that. I certainly do not know how you talked me into replacing you as Owen's buddy at the last weevilhunt"

Ianto naughtily grinned. "Like I said. I usually get what I want"

"Well, Jack is strong minded. You've chosen a tough man to fall for Ianto"

"I know. The thing is, the charm didn't work. I tried asking nicely, didn't work. I've tried explaining why it's important that he goes, didn't work either. I'm running out of idea's. And I was wondering … you've had men as lovers … any idea how to get what you want?"

Gwen stared at him for a second.

"Oh God, that sounded awful didn't it? Ianto asked, covering his mouth with his left hand.

Gwen laughed cheerfully and coated Ianto right hand with hers. "Yeah. But I know what you mean"

Gwen let her eyes drift around the little shop as she pondered. "Well … there is the obvious choice …"

"Which is, Gwen?"

"Well .. have you tried … you know … withhold sex from him?" Gwen carefully asked.

" Withhold sex? As in not giving in until he gives does?" Ianto replied, somewhat shocked.

"Yeah Ianto"

Ianto rubbed his forehead whilst he thought about the suggestion. "Isn't that a bit … childish?"

"Well Ianto, the mature thing to do would be to accept that Jack does not want to go"

Ianto shrugged. "I guess I could try it … "

"Or …" Gwen started. "You could try emotional blackmail. Subtle emotional blackmail. Wouldn't be hard as you do so much for him"

"Hmm maybe …" Ianto responded.

"So if I may ask, what is it that you so badly want?" Gwen curiously inquired.

"My highschool reunion is coming up and I'd like to … you know show him off to my ... erm ... friends, for a lack of a better word" Ianto replied, winking at the woman in front of him.

Gwen tilted her head sideways and pursed her lips. "You … are … just … too …cute"

Ianto buried his face in his hands and laughingly groaned: "Stop!!"

The pair finished their meal and took a long walk back to the hub, for the first time in a long time reconnecting and actually enjoying each other's company. As they laughed, they strutted into the main area of the hub. Gwen saw Jack eyeing them from a far and suddenly had a brilliant idea. She turned around to face Ianto and whispered into his ear: "There's another thing you could do that always works … jealousy"

The woman leaned in and placed a soft and loving kiss on his lips. Ianto smiled as they parted and softly caressed her cheek. He leant in and murmured: "Indeed a good idea. And Gwen … thanks for today. Apart from the brilliant advice, I really had a nice time"

Gwen nodded and strode away from the young man. Ianto watched Gwen walk away just a tad bit longer than he should've and in the corner of his eyes, he saw Jack straightening his back and crossing his arms. _Brilliant Gwen, it's working. _

Ianto acted as if he was startled out of a day dream, made eye contact with Jack and pointed towards his office, motioning Jack to meet him there.

When Jack entered the room, he found Ianto relaxing on the couch in front of the desk. "Hey" Ianto muttered.

"Hello there. I saw you had fun with Gwen on your _lunch date_" Jack bitterly observed.

Ianto's heart jumped on the inside but none of this exhilaration showed on his face.

Guiltily he thought that his plan was working well … maybe a bit too well. He couldn't decipher if it was jealousy or hurt he heard in Jack's voice. "Yeah, it was lovely. We both needed to get away from this place"

Jack sat down on his mahogany chair behind his desk. He formed a bridge with his hands and rested his chin on it. "I'm glad. I like it when my team is … close"

Ianto shrugged and acted aloof. He knew that if he wanted to pull this off, he had to distance himself. He avoided eye contact every step of the way and made sure his body posture made it clear that he was not interested in anything, even though he secretly just wanted rip that stunning baby blue shirt off his muscular chest.

Jack cleared his throat and got up to pace around the office. Nervously he asked: "Want to rent a movie tonight? And maybe afterwards we could …"

Ianto shook his head and interrupted the Captain. "Sorry, my mate wanted to out on the pull tonight. And I accepted. I hope you don't mind. I mean, I do kind of work a lot and I hardly ever have some personal time. Sometimes I feel like this is all I am. Work. And you know what they say about all work and no play …"

"I didn't realize you felt that way" Jack silently said.

"I'm not complaining Jack. It would be nice to do something for myself once in while. Instead of taking care of everyone else"

"So Ianto, why did you want to see me?"

"Oh right, I nearly forgot. I just wanted to say that I'll be taking Gwen to the reunion. I would've loved taking you but you made it clear you weren't interested and she likes that sort of thing"

"You're taking Gwen?" Jack asked, disbelief present on his gorgeous features. "As your date?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?" Ianto innocently asked.

"Yes it is" Jack hissed. "I'm suppose to be your lover"

"But Jack, I've asked you … time and time again. And you always refused. What else am I suppose to do? Not go to my own reunion? Because my boyfriend won't go with me?"

"No, of course not Ianto. It's just that … well"

"Jack … what do you want from me? You don't want to go with me and you don't want me to ask someone else? I'm not just a toy you can play with. Not anymore Jack"

"I know Ianto. And I wouldn't dream of regressing back to that. But … ah fuck it, Can I come with you?"

"Are you serious?" Ianto asked.

"Yes Ianto"

"You want to come now? And you won't pull away on the last minute?"

Jack vigorously shook his head. "No, no … I won't, I promise. I want to be the one you show off to your friends. Not Gwen. Not anyone else"

"Okay. She'll be disappointed but I'm sure she'll understand" Ianto replied, a cautious smile gracing his mouth.

In the distance, they heard Owen shout out for Ianto. "Must be time for his coffee" Ianto said.

"Right" he started as he got up from the couch, stretching his legs. "Tuxedo is necessary"

Jack nodded and he watched the young man walk away. He nearly walked out of the office when Ianto paused and turned his face to Jack. "You're not going to leave me hanging, are you? You WILL be there, won't you?"

Jack smiled and nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for the world"

Ianto walked down the stairs and the minute he locked eyes with Gwen, she noticed that smug grin on his face. "I'm making the coffee, Owen, so you can stop screaming on the top of your lungs" Ianto shouted after the medic.

Gwen quickly followed Ianto into the kitchen and immediately drilled him about what happened.

Gwen smiled contently as Ianto enthusiastically told him every detail of their conversation.

"So basically, you told him he wasn't getting any tonight, you used emotional blackmail, tricked him into being jealous of us AND added a dash of guilt to it" Gwen repeated.

"I guess I did" Ianto said, now feeling a bit more guilty about that than before.

"Wow, student surpasses master" Gwen jokingly said. She placed on hand on her hip and the other on his shoulder. "You've done well Grasshopper"

Ianto nearly shocked in his coffee as he spluttered and laughed.

That evening at around 10, the euphoria of his victory had ebbed away and guilt gnawed at his conscience. He had tricked and manipulated his lover into doing something he didn't want to do just because he needed something from him. With a heavy heart he took his car keys and headed for his destination: The hub.

Jack saw Ianto walk in and happily he ran towards him. Ianto greeted Jack with an earthshattering passionate kiss and as they pulled away, they locked eyes. "What was that for?" Jack asked.

"Just … for being you. Jack, if you really don't want to go … I understand. I don't want you to feel like i'm pressuring you"

Jack smiled sweetly and softly caressed his cheek. "I do want to, Ianto. Besides, it's important to you. And I did promise you and myself to be better. So it is my duty and my right to escort you to these things"

Contently Ianto hugged his lover. _Maybe sometimes everyone needs to be pushed into a corner in order to gain perspective. _

"Weren't you suppose to be going out with your mate?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, but I forgot something" Ianto responded.

"What did you forget Ianto?"

Ianto leant in for another kiss and breathlessly he murmured: "This"


	18. Chapter 18: First night

slight angst and louds of fluff :)

Jack and Ianto first rendezvous :O)

ReviewLoVe

**First night**

Jack Harkness lay on a bed that was not his own and underneath sheets that were not his. Last night had ended in a whirlwind of emotion and the aftershocks of the events still weighed heavy on his mind. As he watched the sleeping form of his new lover, he reminisced about the way he had somehow found his way into Ianto Jones' bed.

He and Ianto had gone out for drinks the night before. Ever since Lisa had been discovered their relationship had deeply soured but despite his anger towards the man, he still felt genuine sympathy for him. He grew more worried in the last few weeks as he saw his former friend act withdrawn and generally not respond much to the environment. The hostility by the others may be a contributing factor. Even though Jack was easy to forgive him, the others weren't nearly half as compelling, especially Owen. Jack could see that Ianto suffered from the constant snipes, comments and general resentment. But even towards Jack, who hadn't been kind to him but also not unfriendly, Ianto had acted sheltered. So last night, he had taken – dragged - Ianto out for a drink, just for a little talk. The little talk had soon turned into a passionate make-out session, followed by a rather active and heated rendezvous in Ianto's bed.

He sat up on the bed and hugged his legs underneath the covers. He glanced at the sleeping Ianto once more and smiled. The nice thing about not needing much sleep was getting to watch that special someone rest. He enjoyed the rhythmic inhalation beside him and somehow the sweet sound of his lover breathing relaxed him. He decided to stop worrying for once and just take pleasure in his company, even if the man in question was somewhat unconscious.

He watched the tender features of Ianto's face and remembered placing those hot and heavy kisses on those inviting lips, caressing those gorgeous cheeks and simply drowning in those beautiful deep blue eyes. Just for a second, he closed his eyes and tried hard to relive the moment they had first touched lips.

Suddenly Ianto jolted awake beside him and a terrified gasp escaped Ianto's lips. He breathed deeply and Jack noticed he was slightly trembling. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and much to his surprise, Ianto wasn't startled by his presence. Ianto grabbed the soothing hand and tightly squeezed in it. When another wave of emotion hit him, he quickly sought the comfort and support of Jack's embrace. He buried his face on Jack's chest, reached for his free hand and softly but unmistakably clear, he whispered: "I'm so glad you're here"

Taken aback by this confession, it took Jack a moment to return the embrace. Gently he patted Ianto's back and placed light kisses in his hair. "Nightmares?" he asked.

Ianto nodded. "Always nightmares, either about Lisa or Canary Wharf. But always nightmares"

"You should've told me. Maybe I could've done something" Jack declared.

"I've slept better last night than I have in ages so in a way you did help" Ianto responded.

Still safely tucked into the embrace, Jack felt Ianto come closer. "Any regrets?" he nervously asked.

'None, you?" Jack responded, equally nervous.

"None Jack"

A shy smile crept on Jack's lips and instinctively held him closer to his own body. Ianto shifted to his other side and urged Jack to spoon with him. Jack, more than willing to comply with his wishes, moved in such a way that he did not even need to break the physical bond between the two. "So, how are you Ianto?"

"I'm ok. I think"

"Really?" Jack asked once more.

Ianto threw his head back and leant against jack. "No. Sometimes I think I'm ok. And then something reminds me of everything that has gone wrong and I'm back on my ass. Some days I see the good, most days I can only see the bad"

"It's only been four months so it's natural that you're not over it yet" Jack said whilst placing butterfly kisses on his back and neck.

"I've lost her a long time ago Jack"

"Yes. But then again, not really" Jack wisely replied.

"Let's talk about something else, shall we? I don't think dead former lovers are good subjects for pillow talk"

Jack sniggered on the inside he felt sad because of the hidden message that the sentence entailed. "If you wish. So Jones, Ianto Jones, when was the last time you had a stranger creeping in your bed?"

Ianto sighed. "Lisa"

"Oh Ianto. Wow, that's over a year ago. You're a stronger man than I am"

Ianto chuckled. "Well yeah. I've been preoccupied lately. Shagging some random person wasn't on my mind"

"So why am I here? I know what sprung me here. I mean, I have fancied you since I first laid my eyes on you. But what made you decide to kiss me like that last night" Jack informed him.

Ianto soft hands tightened around Jack's. "You're hardly a random guy. I guess you're just that irresistible" Ianto joked.

Jack laughed lightly and once again placed a sweet kiss on Ianto's cheek. "Funnily enough, you're not the first to tell me that"

Ianto turned to face Jack but shyly, he didn't find the courage to look him in the eye. "And I guess I need you"

"You do?"

"Yes. I need you to help me through this. I've been trying by myself and I'm doing ok. But sometimes, I need someone to stop me … from self-destructing"

Jack rubbed his feet over Ianto's. "Drinking?"

"Amongst things" Ianto answered. "Can't count the times I'm gone to work hung-over. You've seen me Jack. You know how bad I was right after"

"Yeah … I saw in your personal record that you've had some troubles with …"

"Coke?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah, coke" answered Jack in a serious tone.

Ianto snorted. "That was one time. Haven't touched that shit ever since. I just have the tendency to do … hurtful things when I get down. But anyway, again with the sad talk. Seriously, I can be fun you know"

Jack saw Ianto smile but he knew he was just trying to ease his worry. "I've noticed last night. Ok, I get it. You don't want to talk about it with me"

"No Jack, that's not it. I just don't want to ruin our first morning together with this sad stuff. I want to forget"

"Forget? If there's one thing you'll never be able to do, is forgetting. You loved her Ianto. You loved her so much, you moved the earth to save her"

Jack reached his hand out to the bedside table and opened up a drawer. In a hurry he had once searched for a pen and saw something that struck him. He picked up a framed photograph of Ianto and Lisa, looking at each other in pure admiration and both sporting a huge smile on their faces. He brought the picture in front of Ianto and he heard the man in his arms gasp.

"I haven't looked at that picture since I put it there. That night" Ianto said.

"I figured as such. But Ianto, look. You are both so happy in this picture. I haven't seen you smile like that since I've met you. Hold on to those memories and try to forget what happened at Canary wharf. But please, please don't try to forget her"

Ianto held on to Jack's hand for dear life, digging his fingernails sharply into Jack's"

Sniffling and slightly sobbing, Ianto buried his face in the pillow. "That was the night I proposed. Just three weeks before Canary Wharf. And yes, we'd never been happier. We were so excited about getting married, having kids and later retiring somewhere far away. Maybe have a farm"

"That sounds nice" Jack softly said.

"We were going to have two German Sheppards, Gunner and Tod. Tod after her idiot brother" Ianto continued, his voice hitching here and there but laughter shining through. "A cat named Mozes and a couple of rabbits. She really did love animals. And kids. She wanted at least 3 … I guess I'll never have that"

"You don't know that" countered Jack. "You might"

"Yes, because blubbering fools are so attractive" Ianto laughingly replied.

"Oh … from where I'm standing they are" Jack said and even though Ianto could not see his face, he just knew Jack was grinning like a madman. "Ianto, remember that you're not alone. I'm here, okay?"

"Thanks Jack" Ianto responded as he turned around once again. "It means a lot to me"

"Anytime Yan"

Jack kissed Ianto in a very intimate and compassionate way that send shivers down both men's spines. Lazily, Jack rested his head on Ianto's shoulder and tickled Ianto's back.

"Just promise me one thing, Ianto"

"What's that?" Ianto curiously asked.

"At some point, forgive yourself" Jack said.

A silence fell between the men and Jack felt Ianto's tears on his neck. Reassuring his bed partner, he closed the distance between them and held him just a bit tighter.

"It's ok, let it go Ianto. I'm thinking you've been holding back. But I'm here now. And I won't leave you to deal with this on your own"

Ianto fiercely kissed Jack on the lips. Jack took a mental note of how good Ianto tasted. Like chocolate, like coffee, like Ianto. Mixed in the bittersweet sadness of the salty tears.

He savored the moments between them intensely, knowing that once in a while he could break through Ianto's defenses and see the vulnerability in him. He felt like he wanted to swim in his ocean's for eternity, drowning in everything that made this man Ianto. He knew he had to patient before Ianto could resurrect his true self again, for he know that Ianto was troubled. But at the same time, he realized that he was worth the wait. After decades of walking this earth and sheltering himself from the cold and loneliness that his immortality brought along, it only took a certain well dressed Welshman to show Jack that despite all the hurt and sadness it might bring, love is always something to fight for.

And Ianto knew that he was lucky to have someone like Jack, helping him through this rough patch. And he too, savored each moment he spent with Jack. Not only did he help chase away the loneliness but his world seemed to shine just a little brighter when he was around. He gave him self-worth again. Not because someone so special like Jack was interested in him, but because he reminded him that deep down he wasn't a bad person. Through loving Jack, he learned how to love himself again. And little by little the shadows grew smaller and the sun shone brighter. All because one person had the courage to see who Ianto really was.


	19. Chapter 19: Fancy meeting you here

This one is dedicated to Riftactivity, who's had a crappy week and requested some shameless Janto fluff. Post-cyberwoman but defo pre-countrycide. Bit of angst with major fluff! Hope you like it!

And again, Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated :)

**Fancy meeting you here**

The ever elusive Jack Harkness strode through the streets of Cardiff. This time he was joined by his fellow Torchwood-agent, Owen Harper. Toshiko had just informed them that the rift monitor had found a minor activity spike in the area of the pier.

With his greatcoat wavering behind him, he took big steps towards a little canister that was left behind on the very edge of the pier in front of them.

Owen snorted and grabbed Jack's wrist. "Jack, what the hell is Ianto doing here?"

"What?" answered a startled Jack.

Owen pointed towards a elegantly dressed man in the distance, leaning against a railing and smoking a cigarette.

Jack frowned. "It's his lunch break, he is allowed to get out of the hub once in a while Owen"

"And he just happened to take his lunch break at the very site where there was recent rift activity?" asked an unbelieving Owen. "I doubt it"

"Owen, wait. There is no way Ianto is involved in this"

Despite Jack's words, the medic angrily marched up to Ianto. Jack followed closely but kept himself at a safe distance. He knew that Owen was going to blow up, badly. Owen and Ianto hadn't exactly been on speaking turn since Ianto had come back from his suspension, following the disaster that was Lisa. Owen still resented him for not trusting them, even though he did sympathize with him. Of course the latter was never expressed.

Strategically Jack hoped that by not physically standing directly behind Owen, Ianto would not associate him with the outburst. He knew that Ianto was going through the motions and Jack did try and help him along the way. He often conversed with him about various subjects, made sure he ate well enough, send him home despite Ianto's pleads and on a very rare occasion even tricked him into smiling or even laughing. Jack thought – hoped – that his presence, albeit not always kind but also not hostile, had made a difference.

He watched Owen grab Ianto's shoulder and soon enough, Owen's voice travelled through the pier. Jack winced at the unkind words, profanities and angry tone in Owen's voice. He also couldn't help feeling sorry for the receiver who generally looked shocked, upset and startled.

Jack came closer to the pair and placed himself between the men, indicating that he was not chosing any sides in the matter.

"Owen, I swear I do not know anything about any rift activity. I didn't have anything to do with it" Ianto said, his voice breaking.

"Ianto … how am I suppose to believe you? You stand here, minutes after a rift activity …" Owen started.

"Look mate, I don't know anything, I just come here to think sometimes. Not every threat comes from me!!" countered Ianto.

"I am NOT your mate, Ianto"shouted Owen.

When the two men came dangerously close to each other, Jack saw it fit to intervene. "Okay, Okay. Enough. Owen, please go get the canister and take it to the hub. I am sure Toshiko is more than eager to see what it is"

"But Jack" Owen began.

"Owen … please don't make me order you"

"Fine!" answered the frustrated medic. He turned on his heels and angrily marched towards the canister, picked it up and left the pier.

"Fancy meeting you here" said Jack.

"I haven't done anything this time sir. I really haven't" Ianto replied, his bottom lip slightly trembling as he spoke.

"I know Ianto. Owen's just … being Owen"

Ianto nervously took a long drag of his cigarette as he watched the SUV take off with screeching tires. He looked out over the sea, his eyes glistening with unshed tears and shock. Ianto gracefully reached for his pocket, pulled out a little container and took out a little white pill. Hesitantly, he placed it in his mouth and suckled on it.

"Breath mint?" Jack asked.

"Hardly" responded Ianto.

"I figured … Ianto, should I worry?"

A sad smile crept on Ianto's lips. "Never sir. It gives you wrinkles. You might start looking your age"

Jack placed a comforting hand on the younger man's back and as Ianto relaxed to the touch, he felt a twinge of excitement go through his body.

When a small whimper escaped from Ianto's lips, letting the older man know that the touch is welcome, a sad thought invaded Jack's mind. _The boy probably doesn't have anyone that shows him a bit of affection. He seems … so hungry for it._

"Again I ask, should I worry Ianto?"

Ianto sighed and with gloomy eyes he looked at Jack. He placed a small container in Jack's hands and started explaining: "Xanax, for anxiety. It helps me focus a bit. It makes me … function"

"You do know that this is a dangerous drug if you take if for a prolonged period of time" Jack asked.

"Yeah I know … I just haven't found something that works. Yet. With this job, you need to be ready. And alert. You can't be alert if you're exhausted and twitchy" Ianto replied.

Jack gave him back the container and as Ianto carefully hid it back in his pocket, Jack pulled him into a hug.

A startled Ianto returned the embrace, resting his head on his boss' broad shoulders. He savored the small touches of Jack: his hands running up and down his back, a small kiss on his forehead, the shallow breathing underneath his chest. Tears stung in his eyes because the intimacy of the hug felt calming. Emotions were running high on his part as it has been a while since someone had held him and dare he say it, sooth him. The feeling of another person being so affectionate, kind and so close to him gave him the momentary comfort he desperately needed but it also made him even more lonely than he was. He missed Lisa, his friends and his old life. All he had now was emptiness and darkness. In an attempt to wipe away those memories, he buried his face into Jack's neck and breathed deeply, hoping that the scent of this remarkable man was strong enough to send away any bad emotion.

Jack felt him come closer in the embrace and needy fingers dig into his back, confirming his suspicion that Ianto indeed needed someone to help him through these dark days.

When it came down to it, Jack had already forgiven him for Lisa and the truth was, he felt sad that Ianto was so troubled. Even more so, he quickly took notice of how very easily Ianto slid into his arms. And how nice he smelt, even after a hot and busy day and even after that cigarette. In a rush of shock, he noticed his own heart beating faster when the young welsh man shifted in his embrace. When Ianto breathed in deeply, he did the same thing. Coffee and chocolate, Jack thought, just as I imagined it.

"What's your favorite movie?" Jack asked.

Ianto pulled away from the hug and stared at Jack, blinking in confusion. "My favorite movie? Euhm, I guess it has to be Trainspotting. Why do you ask?"

"Oh just wondering. I've never seen that one" Jack replied. "Come on, let's get back to the hub"

Jack nudged him to move. "Come on, we haven't got all day"

Reluctantly Ianto walked after the captain. "Thanks Jack"

"For?" asked a smiling Jack.

"Believing me. Jack, you do believe me don't you?"

Jack flashed him a reassuring smile and put his arm around his waist. "Yes Ianto, I do believe you. Now, where's your car? We need to stop by Blockbuster, on Albany Road"

"Blockbuster sir?" Ianto asked as he sat down on the driver's seat.

"Yes, I want to see that movie you like. Even though I do not know what is so fascinating about trains and their timetables" Jack replied.

Ianto softly chuckled. He started the engine and in the mirror he saw Jack's reflection looking back at him. He took in that characteristic smile that he used to make people succumb to his requests. He had seen him use it on many occasions and sometimes even be at the receiving end of one. A pang of excitement – and guilt - went through him. Unwillingly, he smiled. The muscle contraction even felt unnatural, like it was out of place and forbidden. And then, he thought of the hub and how Owen will probably have told the rest what had happened. Suddenly the smile disappeared as fast as it had appeared.

XXXXXXX

"You ok?" Jack asked him after another dispute with Owen.

"Yes" Ianto angrily snapped. "Sorry, didn't mean to …"

Jack held up his hand. "Don't apologize… It's been a hard day for you, hasn't it?"

"Every day is a hard day" he softly whispered, barely audible for Jack.

"Come by my office when you're done, will you?" Jack said, more like an order than a request. As he exited the room, he glanced once more at Ianto. This time he noticed how beautiful his hands were. And how gorgeously that suit fit him.

XXXXXXX

Jack stood in the middle of his office and inspected his effort. The couch was filled with pillows and a nice warm blanket, in front of the couch was his trusty dvd player on a mahogany chair, DVD, crisps, beers … and Ianto.

A tentative knock on the door informed Jack that Ianto had come by to see him and silently he came through the door. Jack laughed at the expression on Ianto's face, halfway through disbelief and excitement. "Fancy meeting you here!" Jack jokingly said. "Make yourself at home. There is one thing missing"

"What's that?" Ianto asked.

"Patience Jones"

Ten minutes later, Jack walked in with a huge bowl of ice cream with two spoons. He sat down besides Ianto and handed him one of the spoon. "May I present to you … a Captain Jack sundae. With all your favorite flavors"

Ianto inspected the bowl and his eyes widened. "Chocolate, Irish coffee, vanilla, chocolate sauce and Brazilian nuts? How did you know?"

"It's my job to know Ianto"

A speechless Ianto stared at the bowl for a bit too long. "It's going to melt …" Jack humorously sang whilst licking his own spoon. He picked up the DVD casket and showed it to Ianto. "I even got you your trains"

"F-f-for me? Jack … why?"

"Look, I'm not blind. I know you're hurting. And I figured that it's been a while since you had a chance, or the energy, to … indulge. And these my darling … are a few of your favorite things …"

Ianto tried swallowing the knot that was currently refusing to leave his throat. "That is probably one of the nicest things anyone has done for me lately"

Jack stroke Ianto's hair back and kissed his temple. "I figured as such. Yan … I know what it's like to be on your ass and not knowing how to move forward. To be so lost than you can't tell what's right from wrong. And in my experience, it helped that there was someone that looked out for me. I'm not just your boss, I am also your friend. And I say that we put these bad things behind us and concentrate on the good stuff. Okay?"

Once again, Ianto swallowed visibly. "I'd like that. But it's more than I deser…"

"Don't say it Ianto. You're not a horrible person. You just did something that you thought was right, but turned out to be the wrong decision. So I don't ever want to hear you say that word. Now, please have some ice cream and pamper yourself. I did go through all the trouble and it would be a terrible shame to waste it"

Jack popped in the DVD, draped the blanket over them both and took another spoonful of ice cream. Ianto sat there and ate in silence, looking a little overwhelmed. When the movie began, Ianto relaxed and had some crisps, salt and vinegar. In the corner of his eyes, Jack saw a tear glistening in the soft lighting on the young man's face.

Gently he wiped it away with a soft tissue. He put his arm around the young man and urged him to lean up against him. Softly he whispered: "You're going to be fine. More than fine, you are going to be brilliant"

"I don't know" Ianto replied.

"I am. I'm not letting go of you until you are Yan"

Jack put the empty ice cream bowl on the floor and hugged Ianto properly. "Now hush sweetheart, let's watch the trains"

Ianto relaxed in his arms and did watch "Trainspotting", right until he fell asleep in the protective embrace of his captain.. The next morning he woke up on the soft couch, covered with a blanket that still smelled of Jack, and felt refreshed after a good night's sleep. He slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Jack, typing away behind his desk. He cleared his throat and as Jack and Ianto locked eyes, Ianto could not resist but say: "Fancy meeting you here"


	20. Chapter 20: A bug's life

Note: wow, my twentieth chapter. Little one but lighthearted. Inspired by a certain similar conversation I had last night ...

So, what do you guys think? 20 chapters ... should I keep going? Or end the bedtime stories series? I'm willing to keep going if there's interest in it. And if yes, what else would you like to read? More Janto? More fluff? Angst? Other characters? Drop me a line and tell me what you'd like!

**A bug's life**

"Another night, another weevil devouring me." Jack muttered as he turned the key in the lock. He knew he had to be quiet, it was nearly four in the morning and Ianto was probably sleeping. He entered his lover's apartment and was surprised to hear groaning, loud thuds and a string of Welsh curse words coming from the softly lit bedroom. He didn't know a lot of Welsh but he knew those. And they were … well let's say that they were not to be used in public.

He smiled as he gently pushed open the bedroom door. Ianto stood there in the middle of the room wearing nothing but his boxers and waving yesterday's paper around in the air.

"Come here you little shit" Ianto said as he waved it once more.

"Ianto … what are you doing?" Jack asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Look!" Ianto said as he held out his hand.

Jack carefully took his hand and inspected it. He saw nothing … except a tiny red bump on one of his knuckles. "And what am I suppose to see?"

"Look!" Ianto exclaimed as he pointed at the red bump. "Mosquito bite!!"

Jack chuckled and placed a kiss on his knuckle.

"Don't laugh at me!" Ianto stuttered after giving Jack an undignified high pitched cough.

"I'm not sweetheart. I'm laughing with you. You're just cute" Jack laughingly said.

"Well … don't laugh at all. It bloody itches. Damned flying rodent." Ianto replied as he took another swipe at something just above Jack's head.

"Ianto, come on. Get back into bed…"

"No. Not unless the damned thing is dead. It ITCHES Jack!!!!"

Suddenly Ianto stopped in his tracks and pouted. "Why is your shirt covered in blood? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine. Just a weevil" Jack answered.

"Did you …?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah. But it's all good. It was going for Owen. Rather me than him, eh" Jack said whilst granting Ianto a grin. He knew that he had to make light of it in order to stop Ianto from worrying too much.

"I'm sorry." Ianto gloomily replied. "Have a clean shirt from my closet and come to bed, okay?" he continued whilst placing a soft kiss on Jack's cheek.

I love it when he does that, Jack thought to himself. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to have a shower before turning in."

"Of course love. Take your time."

Jack placed a chaste kiss on Ianto's lips and reluctantly let go of him. He entered the bathroom, turned on the shower and stripped off. In the distance, he heard Ianto cursing.

One last loud thud and a yell of victory. "You ok in there Ianto?"

"Yeah, I got the damned bastard. Oh that's just nasty" Ianto replied.

"What?" Jack asked as he poked him head out of the shower.

"Swatted the mosquito against the wall and now there's a bloodstain. MY BLOOD! Damned bastard thing." Ianto responded.

Jack laughed loudly, only to hear Ianto yell out "IT ITCHES JACK!!"


	21. Chapter 21: Goodbye

note: sigh ... ok i just heard THE news about David Tennant. And basically, it sucks and i'm gutted. As a results, my next story is basically... depressing with a bittersweet ending. Not to worry, I haven't killed anyone off.

Reviews make me happy. And now, i am not. :(

**Goodbye**

Gwen, Ianto and Martha are standing outside the tourist office. Martha groans as she picks up her heavy bag and carries it inside the blue box. As she opens the door of the Tardis, the voices of Jack and the doctor drift outside. Ianto winces when he hears the words "It is time".

Gwen shuffles closer to Ianto and softly holds his hand. He looks at her and smiles.

"Thank you." he whispers whilst squeezing back.

"No problem pet," Gwen replies. "Anything for you."

Jack exits the Tardis and just a second before the door shuts, Gwen catches a glimpse of the Timelord. Much to her surprise, he is looking rather anguished.

"It's time to go, Martha." Jack says.

Martha sighs and approaches Gwen and Ianto who are still holding on to each other.

"Gwen," Martha says. "You take care alright? Next time I see you, I want to hear all about your adventures!"

Martha leans in and hugs her tightly. Softly she whispers. "Take care of him."

"I will. And you take care of yourself and our Captain. We'd be lost without him. And you." Gwen responds. Reluctantly Gwen let go of Martha.

Martha moves over down the line and catches Ianto's eyes. She places a chaste kiss on Ianto's cheek and blushes. "You, take care of yourself. Okay? And make sure you keep Gwen out of trouble!"

Both laugh, but neither really meant it.

When she turns from him, Ianto quickly grabs her hand and pulls her into a hug. "Come back soon, alright?"

As she pulls apart from the embrace, she nods. Hesitantly, they let go of each other.

Martha takes one last look at her teammates before she enters the Tardis.

Jack stands in front of his team and for the first time in a long time, he doesn't know what to do or say. Gwen suddenly embraces him. "You … come back soon, okay?"

Tears shine in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall.

"Of course." Jack answers. He places a delicate kiss on her lips and wipes away a fallen tear.

"You make sure you keep yourself safe. And happy."

Gwen nods and takes a step back.

"Ianto," Jack says. "Let's take a walk."

As they walk, an awkward silence falls between the men.

"I'm sorry I have to leave, Ianto."

"Then don't." Ianto sharply replies.

"Please," Jack begs. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

'You want me to apologize for being upset you're leaving?" Ianto snaps back.

"No of course not, love. I wouldn't dream of it. It's hard for me too. But you know I wouldn't to this if it wasn't necessary. The doctor … he needs me. You know, save the world and stuff."

"I know, " Ianto softly said. "It's a shame that my world has to fall apart because of it. We both know you have to go but knowing doesn't make it less painful for Gwen or me."

"Sunshine … please, we said no tears" Jack whispers as he wipes away a tear with his thumb.

"Can't really help it Jack. Who knows if I ever see you again.'

"Hey, don't say that. Of course we'll see each other again. I'll be back really soon."

"Jack. I've already lost Suzie, Owen and Tosh. So don't make promises you can't keep. Now you and Martha are leaving. All I have left is Gwen. And everything seems so … empty."

"Sunshine … I will always be with you okay? I've fought my way through hell and back last time to get back to you. This time is not different. I WILL come back for you."

Jack raises Ianto's chin and looks into those bright blue eyes. "So please, no more tears."

"At least this time … I get to say goodbye." Ianto murmurs.

"It's not goodbye Ianto. This is merely a 'see you later'. Before you know it, I'll be back annoying the crap out of you!"

"Jack. Just in case, let's say goodbye."

Ianto leans in and kisses Jack. A sweet, tender yet passionate kiss.

In the distance, the doctor shouts that it's time for the departure. "Come on Jack."

Jack heavily sighs. A single tear drops from his eyes and Ianto gently kisses it away. "Now who's being emotional?" Ianto jokingly says.

Jack smiles back at him and pulls him into a hug. "Keep yourself safe okay? And make sure Gwen doesn't drift. And feed Myfanwy …"

Ianto holds out his hand to silence his never-ending list. "We've got it covered. We'll just miss our leader."

"And the leader will miss his friends. I will miss you." Jack says.

"Come on. Let's not keep the doctor waiting." Ianto links arm with the captain and together they walk towards the Tardis.

Before Jack enters the Tardis, he takes one last look over the plass and glances at the sad faces of his friends. "One last hug?" he asks.

Gwen and Ianto both eagerly join in the embrace. Gwen kisses Jack's cheek before she turns away and storms off towards the tourist office. As she closes the door behind her, she breaks down in tears.

"I better go after her." Ianto says. "Jack … Cara'ch 'm anwylyd."

Jack didn't speak Welsh but it only took one look into Ianto's eyes to understand the words. "Me too, sunshine."

Jack pulls away from the hug, places a kiss on his fingers and brings it to Ianto's lips. "See you soon. My love."

Before stepping away from the young man, he pulls out a little box wrapped in blue paper. "Open it when I'm gone."

He quickly enters the Tardis and as soon as the door shuts, the engine revs up and takes to the sky.

Ianto stays to watch the majestic space ship blast off into space. As the wind sweeps around his body, he contemplates his faith. _Goodbye my lover. I hope to see you soon. If death doesn't take me from this world, I will be waiting for you. Always. _

He walks back to the tourist office and enters his office. Gwen sits on top of his desk, looking tear-filled and sad. When they lock eyes, she starts sobbing again. Ianto quickly walks up to her and hold her tight. "It's okay cariad. We'll manage. And he'll be back soon. I promise."

"How can you be so strong? I'm a sobbing wreck and he means so much more to you." Gwen cries out.

"I have faith in him, Gwen." He responds, in a low and sad voice.

"What's this?" Gwen asks when she notices the little gift.

Ianto observes the little box. "Something Jack gave me."

Curiosity got the better of him and he quickly rips of the wrapping paper. Underneath the crystal blue paper was a velveteen black small package. He pushes it open and gasps.

On a light blue silken pillow lies a golden watch. He carefully picks it up and turns it around.

Gwen rapidly pulls him into an embrace as tears finally fall from his perfect blue eyes.

Ianto shows her what had made him break down.

On the back of the watch there was one perfect sentence engraved:

_Forever yours_


	22. Chapter 22: Whoops

note: Okay, so i've recieved quite a lot of sad emails and reviews concerning my last chapter. Felt kind of bad because of it lol

So as an apology i give you a little random event. Sorry to depress everyone! And please do keep reviewing! They cheer up my day.

**Whoops**

Owen stood in the middle of the autopsy bay, trembling and shocked. He looked around the place and saw bits of alien corpses all over the floor, walls and ceiling. How was I suppose to know that those aliens could blow themselves up as a last defense mechanism, he bitterly thought to himself.

He cringed as greenish goo drops from the ceiling onto his Versace shirt. "Just on the day I decide to wear my expensive clothing" he snarled.

He tapped the blue tooth head set. "Ianto, something happened in the autopsy bay. Do you mind clearing up? I need some help."

"That's what i'm here for!" Ianto cheerfully responded.

"Sure. Shouldn't take long." Owen said, doing his best to suppress a tone of sarcasm.

"I'll be in the shower." He yells out as he ran past his colleagues.

As he walked to the communal showers, he could clearly hear Ianto's voice travelling through the hub.

"YOU MUST BE SHITTING ME!"


	23. Chapter 23: Last man standing

note: So yeah WOW. Over 100 reviews. I'm ... chuffed. I really am. I never did think people would read my stuff! So yeah ... thank you so much for all your support. It is greatly appreciated and each and everyone of you is greatly appreciated. You guys rock my world. Seriously! Like Ianto in and out of his suit, you make me smile :)

This chapter is a mammoth! But sweet. Angsty and sweet. Janto, of course. Who else? Becomes i'm kind of an angst-whore, this is set after cyberwoman but not before Captain Jack harkness.

**Last man standing**

Gwen nervously glared into Jack's office. She saw her boss pace up and down next to his desk. His eyes were sharp and red-rimmed, face reddish and there was no sign of contentment written on his features. Occasionally he would raise his voice, throw something against the wall or try to calm himself down –without much luck- by counting until ten before replying.

Gwen shrugged when Toshiko asked her if she knew who Jack was talking to. She honestly did not have an idea but she did figure out that Jack was being yelled at because of something someone on the team did. She saw Jack shake his empty coffee cup at her and immediately got up to fetch Jack some more. If Jack was in a foul mood, she'd better do as she was told! And she should do it fast. Because no matter how great of a boss Jack could be, when the short fuse was lit he'd blow up.

As she entered, she caught a slice of the conversation.

"I'm sorry sir, I was not informed on this matter."

"Of course I will talk to him. And I'll see to it that I have an explanation for his conduct."

"Of course I will have him call you back with an apology."

She closed the door behind her and pondered. His? That means it's either Owen or Ianto. Angrily, she growled … Owen … what have you done now?

Gwen walked over to the autopsy bay and saw Owen and Ianto struggling to get the corpse of their latest alien victim on the table.

"So, how exactly are we going to do this?" Ianto asked sheepishly.

"We just drag it by it's legs and pull it on the table. Easy as that." Owen replied.

"Right, that makes sense. But euhm … Owen, where exactly are it's legs?"

"Don't know. There lies the problem. Just try grabbing that … thingy … and pull."

"Which thingy? I see multiple things that can be referred to as … a thingy." Ianto sarcastically pointed out.

"Just grab something!" Owen shouted out. "And remember to lift with you legs and not your back. Last thing we need is you moaning even more."

Ianto glared evilly at Owen. He grabbed hold of the creature and in silent agreement, they both simultaneously pulled. When the creature didn't budge –not even an inch- Gwen laughed out loud. Her laugh was silenced by two very angry stares.

She cleared her throat and muttered a silent "Sorry". She walked downstairs and in a hushed voice she warned Owen. "If I were you, I'd pray for a weevil attack. Or the end of the world."

"Why is that Gwen?" Owen asked.

"Well … Jack is screaming his head off in his office. Has a complaint on one of us."

"Why would you automatically assume it's me?" Owen inquired.

The question was answered by Gwen and Ianto both looking back at him with an "you're kidding right?"- look.

"Oh come on, I'm not that bad! Jack yells at Gwen plenty! It's not just me!" Owen said in a defensive tone.

"Yes … but Jack referred to a 'he' so it's defo male!" Gwen replied.

"Oh Christ," Owen said. "Teacher's pet never does anything wrong so it must be me."

Gwen nodded and refused to comment on Ianto's undignified look. "It get's worse Owen. He's using … the death stare…"

"Shit. Really? The death stare?" Owen asked, now cringing.

"Death stare?" Ianto asked. He honestly did not have a clue about what they were talking about it.

"Yes, the death stare. You know. When he takes a deep breath, looks at you and pauses. And his icy eyes just rest on you … like they are trying to see through you …" Gwen said, shivering.

Ianto snorted. "Come on … it's Jack! How bad can it be?"

Suddenly a loud crash can be heard coming from Jack's office. A few moments later, his angry face appears at the railings that divide the main area of the hub and the autopsy bay.

"Jones, my office. NOW!" he screamed out and stomped away.

Ianto stood there, nailed to the ground and suddenly feeling all blood escaping from his face.

"I guess teacher's pet is going to find out how bad Jack can get." Owen said, whilst smiling.

Jack's voice travelled through the hub once more: " TODAY IANTO!"

Owen smirked as he saw Ianto gulp and sweat. "Go on … he's not going to get less angry with you if you don't hurry up."

As he walked, Owen and Gwen mockingly sang the Jaws theme tune. Dadum … Dadum … Dadum …

Ianto rolled his eyes dramatically and barely had enough strength to withhold his hand from flipping them the finger.

Before he entered Jack's office, he straightened out his suit and took a deep breath.

Slowly he reached for the knob and opened the door. As it eerily squeaked, he heard Jack blurt out one word: "SIT!"

Not meeting his eyes, Ianto sat down on the couch.

Jack was pacing up and down his desk again and Ianto could see he was very agitated. Ianto could not help but wonder what he did that had upset him that much.

Jack stopped in the middle, spread his hands out on the table and leant on them. He looked at him with icy eyes and stared at him. Big blue eyes penetrating the very core of him.

Shit, Ianto thought, the death stare.

"Would you like to tell me…" Jack began talking, taking his time to enunciate every vowel slowly. "why the former head chief of Torchwood London called me up to complain about your attitude , and I quote, the boy's anti-torchwood mentality."

"Oh." Ianto managed to say.

"Yes, oh." replied Jack. "I thought I was very clear from the start that Torchwood Cardiff had severed ALL links with Torchwood London."

"You were." muttered Ianto.

"If I was … then why ON EARTH are you talking to them? Do I need to question your loyalty to us … AGAIN?"

Ianto's eyes widened. He hadn't even thought that Jack could interpret it like that.

"No Jack, it was just one phone call." Ianto rapidly said.

"Now would be a good time to call me sir, Ianto. One phone call? So you admit that you did contact Torchwood London?"

"I can't deny there was contact, sir."

"On official business?"

"Sort off." Ianto replied, blushing heavily.

"Jones … I'm going to ask you this one time and you better think twice about lying to me. Did he or did he not offer you some sort of compensation for something you have done?"

"Yes, he did sir. But …"

Jack slammed his fist so hard on the desk that his coffee mug clattered. Ianto jumped up but daren't face him.

"Get out of my sight." Jack angrily growled.

"But sir, listen." Ianto tried, in vain.

"Get out of my sight. NOW!"

Ianto got up and quickly left the office, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from sobbing. Ianto viciously shook his head. No, no, no, no … this is beyond wrong. He doesn't understand. If only he'd let me explain.

Wrapped up in an emotional torment, he didn't register the quesions from his teammates. He just walked up to his trusty coffee machine and did his job.

He felt the questioning eyes from his teammates prickling on his back. He ignored them and continued to make tcoffee. His hands were shaking as he reached for the coffee filters. He felt an unfamiliar hand on his back and as he turned around, he locked eyes with the one person he had least expected to come to him: Owen. When Owen noticed the tears in the young man's eyes, he looked away. "Come on, Yan. I'm sure it's not that bad."

"It isn't Owen. But he won't let me explain. If I could, he'd realize that I'm not stabbing him in the back."

At these words, Owen quickly withdrew his hand. "What did you do?" he asked on a severe tone.

"Torchwood London contacted me." Ianto replied.

"Wow dude. You know how he feels about London and what they did."

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I feel the same way? They took everything I had Owen. I couldn't help it." Ianto countered, now slightly more angry. "Just can't believe he trusts me that little."

"Ianto … can you honestly blame him?"

Ianto averted his eyes from the medic and continued to make coffee. "No," he said. "No I can't"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Ianto nervously placed steaming hot cup of coffee on Jack's desk. When Jack didn't look up at him, not willing to recognize his presence, he cleared his throat.

"Sir, might I have a word?" Ianto asked.

"No."

"Please? It's important."

"To who?" Jack defiantly asked.

"To me …" Ianto's voice cracked as he muttered the words.

"To ease your mind Ianto?"

"Mine and yours, sir."

"Sorry, not good enough. Thank you for the coffee. That'll be all."

"Sir, I want to make things right. I want you to be able to trust me again."

"Ianto … not now" Jack harshly replied. "I'll come to you when I'm ready to hear what you have to say."

Ripped apart by guilt, Ianto walked out on the older man, silently but clearly sobbing. Jack watched the suited man storm out of his office and wondered. He wondered if he did the right thing by letting Ianto wait. He hesitated and doubted, something he was not used to doing. But knew that if he spoke to him now, he'd be too blinded by rage to give him the attention he deserved. So he did what he thought was best. He waited.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At three o'clock that night, Jack took a stroll around the hub, checking over the machinery and giving Myfanwy a treat. When he passed by the well-loved Torchwood sign, he sighed when he saw Ianto curled up on the couch, sound asleep.

He approached the sleeping figure and knelt by the couch. For a quick moment, Jack took in the innocent and fragile features of Ianto. He remembered the first time they met. That damned devilish smile he gave him, that gorgeous jacket and oh yes … the studded belt. He remembered how annoyed he was with him when he started stalking him. And then he remembered Lisa. The incident in the basement. His betrayal. Had Ianto not learnt his lesson? Had I been too soft on him? Should I have retconned him? Was I wrong to forgive him?

He glanced at the sleeping man again and noticed the way his left hand was supporting his chin and his right resting on his belly. Then he saw his closed eyes rapidly shifting and fingers twitching. He was dreaming, Jack thought.

A pained expression took hold of Ianto and he let out a small whimper.

Jack sighed once more and shook his head. No, what he's putting himself through is punishment enough. He didn't have to lose the one thing he had going on in his life as well.

He gently rubbed Ianto's arm and caressed his face. "Ianto, wake up. Ianto?"

Ianto slowly opened his eyes and blinked as Jack's face came into focus. "I must've fallen asleep." he said.

"What are you doing here, Ianto?"

"I was waiting for you … sir. Just hanging around. In case you wanted to talk to me."

"Are you up for it?"

"Anytime you are, sir."

Jack sat down on the floor, legs crossed. "Continue."

"All of it is a misunderstanding. Torchwood London called me up to tell me that my mentor, Darren Smith, had died. He killed himself. He … couldn't live with the memories. He had seen things at the battle. I don't know what because he shielded me from it. The really bad stuff. I think he was there when … when they converted the people into cybermen. I think he saw it happening. He never did talk to me about it. He said I'd seen and lost enough. He didn't want to make me suffer more. I knew he was in a bad shape … but so were we all. I say were because … the survivors. In the end, they all crumbled. Our team … we were so close. Only three of us survived. Jake … he got killed in a car accident the week after and now Darren, by his own hands. And then there's … me. The last one standing."

"Ianto … I'm sorry for your loss."

"Please, don't say that. I've had to hear that sentence so many times, it has lost it's meaning. Empty words. No meaning."

"They aren't empty if you mean them. They're a kind gesture … from one human to another. Surely, you can accept that?"

Ianto averted his eyes. When no response came, Jack continued. "So what did you do to piss off the chief like that?"

To that Ianto snorted. "He offered me … a medal."

"A medal?" Jack blurted out in shock.

"Yes, for outstanding services to the country. For saving people whilst my own life was in danger. I refused."

"I take it you didn't refuse politely?" Jack grinned.

"No … not really," Ianto replied as he smiled. "I completely lost it. Told him I was the last person to deserve such a thing. And that if someone should be recognized, it should be Mister Smith. Not me"

Ianto was shaking his head until Jack cupped his cheeks. "Hey, calm down."

"Sir … me a medal? After what I've done?"

"Ianto … that has nothing to do with Lisa. You did help out there and if they want to reward you for it, why does it bother you this much?"

"Because ..." Ianto started. He got up from the couch and paced around, wringing his hands nervously. "Because … for God's sake! They're just doing this because the anniversary of the battle is coming up and they want to look good! It's all politics, nothing to do with the people. Why should I get a medal for living whilst the one who have died don't even get to have a proper burial? Or their families? Why don't they get to know the truth about how their loved ones died? Or … or"

Jack approached Ianto and pulled him into a hug. "Hush, okay? I get it. I do."

"He died sir. And no one will know how wonderful he was. Not even Torchwood. And I should get credit? For what?! Breathing?"

"Shhht Ianto." Jack whispered, patting Ianto's back in an attempt to relax the tense man in his arms. He guided Ianto back to the couch and lowered him. He placed himself next to him and held him tight. "Come on. Just hold on to me for a while. You shouldn't grieve him by yourself."

"Are you still mad sir?" he asked whilst weeping against Jack's chest.

"Jack" the Captain responded.

"Sorry sir?"

"Are you still mad Jack. Not sir. Just Jack. And no, I'm not mad. I'm sad for you. But not mad."

"Please don't make me accept that medal."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Ianto. I'll make the call tomorrow. Just … don't do it because you feel guilty. Don't beat yourself up over it. You're too much of a good person to do so."

"Am I?"

"Of course. There's a reason why you're still here. Besides, people love you. That's says enough."

Ianto snorted.

"Come on," Jack quietly said. "Who can resist that cute smile, wittiness and intelligence. And lordy, those perfect blue eyes. Oh and the suits. I do love the suits. Especially that sweet ass of yours in that grey suit."

Ianto smiled softly and Jack chuckled. "See, a smile suits you better than a frown. Now, are you ok?"

Ianto nodded hesitantly. "I'm ok for now. Just … I can't bare to go to another funeral."

"What if … I came along? We all came along? As Torchwood Cardiff. Paying our respect to a wonderful man and a hero. Who gave his life for others. Another lost soul of the battle."

"I'd like that sir."

Jack gave Ianto a harsh look. To which, Ianto corrected himself. "I'd like that Jack."

Jack smiled and pressed his lips onto Ianto's forehead. "You know what. I think that you are going to be okay."

Ianto curled up closer to Jack in his embrace and smiled. For the first time in nearly two years, he believed it.


	24. Chapter 24: Driving home

note: Ever found yourself on an overcrowded train slumping in and out of sleep after a loooong day? Well that's what my days been like. Luckily, the muses visited me in my - not very comfortable - nap. Hope you like it. LOVE reviews :)

It's the drive back from the beacon's. Jack's pov. Whatever is written in bold is actual conversation and italics are his thoughts. I thought i'd try something else for this bedtime story.

As always ... written for you, my dear reader.

* * *

**Driving home**

**"****Gwen, are you ok?" Jack asked. "I know it's not the answer you were looking for …"**

_Gwen … my Gwen. I can't believe I let this happen. I'm suppose to keep you safe, I promised you. If only you knew how my heart aches now that I see you like this. I never thought I'd care about someone so deeply and so fast. You've changed me. Just like Rose changed me all that time ago. _

**"****No, I'm not. Jack. Far from it. This is beyond reason. Beyond logic. Beyond humanity." **

**"****I know. I've never seen such a thing. In all this time. Never." Jack quietly said.**

_Not in a million years. I should've shot them when I had the chance. Some people just don't deserve second chances. __The Daleks came close. So much hatred. But even they had a purpose. This is just vile. Cruel beyond words. They don't deserve life of that's how they treat it. _

**"****How is the rest?" Gwen inquired.**

**"****Owen's alright. Fussing over Toshiko. She's … troubled. And Ianto … I daren't even look at him." Jack replied. **

_Ianto … it's all my fault. You only came because I asked you to. Team building my ass. I tried to make you better but instead I've traumatized you even more. I thought this might be a good chance to get to know each other again. Maybe even for you to show that side of you … that only I know. I'm sorry. So sorry. __I tried so hard to shield you from further pain but I only end up guiding you to the beak of hell. If I could, I'd take the pain. But I can't …_

**"****Jack … Ianto was badly beaten. I know it may hurt but I think he needs us now.**** You know you're the one he turns to." **

_Christ …__ she's right. He trusts me. With all his heart. And I just let him …come with us. To this. To hell. I don't deserve his loyalty.  
_

**"****More than ever Gwen." Jack responded. He glanced over the dozens of cars. Police men, doctors, fire fighters and … Owen. He waved at the medic and signaled him to come over.**

_Thank god Owen is still holding it together. I'm close to losing it. This … is too much. __Owen, how are you this strong? You always amaze me. You annoy me, time and time again. But amaze me. After the things you've seen, it's no wonder you can be a real knobhead. But god, how I love you. _

**"****You hurt?" Owen hurriedly asked. "You in pain?"**

**"****No." replied Jack.**

_I'll heal. Some day. Some how.  
_

**"****You?"**

_Please god no. Not him._

**"****I got thwacked a few times. But I'll manage."**

_Bastards. _

**"****And the rest Owen?"**

**"****Toshiko has a head wound. Not too grave. She just needs to rest up. Gwen's gun shot wound is taken care of. I've made sure they are both comfortable and not in pain."**

_Oh god Toshiko. _

**Owen carelessly rubbed his hands through his hair. He cringed when he saw blood on his finger tips. **

_Is that blood? Sons of bitches. If only they knew how much good this guy has done. How dare they even lay a hand on him. They don't even deserve to walk in his shadow. _

**"****I daren't ask..." Jack said.**

_Please tell me he's fine. Please. Give me this one. _

**"****Ianto's in a bad shape. But not complaining. Which is a first."**

**"****Where is he now Owen?"**

**"****Car. I sat him down, loaded with painkillers. He shouldn't be out and about when his body's been traumatized like that."**

_Not the words I wanted to hear. I better go check on him._

**"****Has he said anything?"**

**"****Nothing. Besides the occasional moan."**

_At least it's something. At least he's breathing. _

**Jack inhaled deeply. Owen gave him a curious glance when he saw his boss lean in against a car behind them, seemingly trying to steady himself. "Jack … are you sure I don't need to check you over?"**

**"****I'm fine. I just need some rest. This … is just … too much."**

_Shit, shit, shit. Where the hell is the pain coming from. My back. It's just killing me. A sharp pain, constant throbbing. Like swords slicing into me. Slowly. _

**"****Yeah. I get it. Listen, I'll drive the first stint okay? It'll give you a chance to sleep it off a bit."**

**"****Are you fit to drive? We could call a cab." Jack asked.**

**"****Yeah, I'm alright. No cab. It takes too long. I'm guessing everyone wants to be home as fast as possible."**

_Thank you Owen. Really. Thank you. __I can't do this without you. _

**Jack and Owen both walked towards the SUV. Owen helped the girls settle in the car, gently and softly urging them to lay down and get some sleep. Toshiko insisted that she sat next to Ianto. "I'm staying with him. Okay? No matter what."**

_Ianto did something. Toshiko is never this protective of him. Whatever he did, I'm sure it was good. No matter what he's done, I know he's a decent guy and I know he'd do anything to save his friends, especially Tosh. __Ianto … the silent one. The one who carries a cross that is not his to bare. My lonely darling. _

**She hurdled up close to him and grasped his hand. A weak hand tighten the grip.**

_Ianto …_

**Jack pulled his face into a pained grimace when he saw a tired and bloodied Toshiko rest her head on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto himself had regressed to slumping his head on the window, his eyes closed in agony. **

_My friends. Hurt and alone. I should've killed them. No one messes with __my friends. Tosh, my god are you bleeding? Oh sweetheart. _

**Jack sat down on the passenger's seat. He barely managed to buckle his seat belt when he felt his body succumb to fatigue. **

_There is something out there in the darkness … waiting for you. It's pulling me in, haunting and daunting. Like sharp claws digging into my flesh and ripping me away from this world. Like a icy hand freezing me on the spot and shattering my body. I can't resist it. Whatever it is, it must be better than this._

**The world dangerously spun wildly but he soon jerked upright when he heard a terrified sob coming from behind him.**

_Who was that? No, no, no don't tell me it gets worse._

**He quickly turned and saw Gwen burying her face in her hands.**

_Gwen …_

"**Gwen. Sweetheart," he whispered. "You're safe now."**

"**I know, Jack. And we have you to thank for. Just … take me home."**

_I have you to thank for. You're right. It's my fault. I should've gone solo on this. I keep hassling you for letting your life drift. What do I do? I get you away from safety. Oh god, if they would've killed you. I don't think I could go on.__ I need you so. All of you. _

**Two scared brown eyes locked with his. Despair, hopelessness and angst. That is all he could read. The ever-caring Gwen he had learnt to love, was gone. **

_Baby where are you? Don't leave me, not when I need you the most. Not when we need you the most._

**He reached over and grabbed her hand. "We leave in a minute. Owen will get us home. Safely."**

**He looked over to the rest of the team and his heart broke all over again. He watched them carefully and took his time to take in the horror. "And you two. How are you?"**

**Tosh nodded. "I'm ok."**

**"****Are you sure Tosh?" Jack asked. "You don't seem it."**

**"****Jack, this… is beyond words. Physically I'm ok. Owen's a great medic. But I'm hurting. Just like everyone."**

_Oh Tosh, if you only knew what you mean to me. Just because you're not the loudest, that doesn't mean I don't notice you. You are so beautiful in every sense of the word and you don't even notice it. __I'm a better man just by being near you._

**She leant in and whispered. "Jack … Ianto hasn't responded to anything I've asked him."**

**"****Don't worry. It's just shock." Jack answered, looking less than convinced.**

_Not him, not again. Not Ianto, not my Ianto. _

**Owen started the car and everyone heaved a sigh of relief, except for Ianto. He groaned as the rhythmic vibration reverberated throughout his aching body. He hissed the minute Owen pushed the gas peddle. **

**"****Sweetheart," Toshiko cried. "Lean up against me. It'll hurt less." **

_My heart is breaking and there is nothing I can do._

**She put her arm around the wounded man and pulled hi****m against her. She draped both arms around Ianto and softly held him in a protective embrace. "Thank you Ianto" she whispered. **

**Jack could see Toshiko crying against a barely conscious Ianto. Jack's blue eyes prickled with unshed tears and he had to bite his lip in order to hold them back. He twisted his hands into fists and tensed up his body. Rage building up inside. He looked over at Gwen and saw her slumping against the car seat. Her eyes wet with sorrow and grief.**

**Owen placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. ****He looked up at him and noticed his own sadness in the medic. **

**"****We're fine Jack. You saved us. We're a bit beaten up but fine. They're just bruises. They'll heal. Now do ****us and yourself a favor and get some rest. We need our captain."**

_All that I am, ever was and will be. Is here. This is where I need to be. Home. All that I have is inside this car and they're broken. All that I have is hurt. If I can't keep them save, what's the bloody point of me? If I'm destined to lose everyone I love, I need to know they're happy. I can't bare it if they hurt. And this … god no. _

**As the road kept sliding underneath the car, he soon found himself being soothed by the sound of the engine and the reverberations from the wheels gliding across the asphalt. He closed his eyes but didn't sleep. He rested. He listened. He prayed. **

_Home …_

**He felt the care pull up a drive-way and stop. For a moment he thought he was at the hub, finally home. As he opened his eyes, he was disappointed to see a gas station. **

**"****Right, I'm going to pump some gas. Go for a walk okay? The fresh air might do us some good." Owen said.**

_No, I want to go home. Please Owen. _

**Jack got out of the car and angrily slammed the door behind him. He was appalled to see that it was still a sunny and bright day. He felt hot underneath his clothes and took off his coat, placing it on top of the car for the moment. Gwen walked up to him and just stared into the distance. "Sunny day." She stated.**

**"****Sickening isn't it?" Jack snarled, shocked at the bitterness of his own voice.**

_How is the world still turning? My world is crashing and so are my loved-ones. How is everything else still ok?_

**A little boy, barely six, in front of them ran up towards the people in front of him, presumably his parents. The boy fell just at Gwen's feet and she quickly helped the boy on his feet. The boy smiled politely and said: "Thank you miss."**

**She smiled back at him. When Jack came near her, she glanced at him. "I guess there is hope out there."**

**She turned from him and followed Owen into the shop.**

_Gwen … please come back._

**The car door behind Jack opened and he saw Ianto and Tosh come out. Ianto leant up against the door****, supporting all his weight on one foot. Jack anticipated what would happen before there was reason to. He hurried to the younger man's side before Ianto slumped to the ground. Just in a nick of time, he managed to grab Ianto as his legs buckled under pressure. Ianto let out a moan as he was caught in reassuring arms. His body tensed up but soon, his arms flopped to his sides as he surrendered to the embrace. Jack held him up. Feeling him close to his chest, he noticed the unsteady breathing, strong heart palpitations and his body trembling against his. With one hand he grabbed his coat and draped it over Ianto. "There, this should keep you warm. You've always said you loved the coat." Jack said, his voice cracking as silent tears ran down his face.**

_My boy. Not too long ago I was holding you like this. You in despair with a gun against your head. I tried so desperately to convince you this isn't the end. And I'm the one putting the gun in your face, showing you the worst of the world. Ianto, if I could, I'd show you all the beauty. I would give you the universe. I know you're hurting so much. I can feel it, sense it and even taste it. My sweetheart, if only you'd knew how much you mean to me. _

**Ianto grasped Jack with one hand and extended the other to the car, supporting himself on both. With effort, he managed to stand. Jack still had his arms around him but he no longer sustained him. ****His hands travelled up to Ianto's hair, gently ruffling it up. He placed a delicate kiss on his forehead. He cringed as he tasted the unmistaken irony flavor of blood on his lips. **

_Blood… if I ever see those bastards again. __I'll show them how vile I can be. I'll show them the true meaning of wrath._

**Ianto wiped away a tear from Jack's chin with a trembling thumb. Breathlessly, he told him not to worry. Jack smiled.**

_Oh god, your touch still feels so pleasant. That'll never change will it? I'll always …_

**"****Always taking care of others, huh?"**

**"****That's what you hired me for, sir. That and my suits."**

**Jack smiled through his tears. "Only you can look so miserable and make me laugh at the same time! Come on, get back into the car. You need your rest."**

**"****If you don't mind me saying sir, so do you."**

**"****Yeah I do. But first I need to make sure you all get home safe."**

_Home. Safe. _

**"****Like I said before," Owen suddenly said from behind them. "I'll take care of it. Ianto's right. You need to take care of yourself. Get some rest."**

**"****No, it's fine. I'll drive the rest of the way home."**

**"****Nonsense," Owen retorted. "I'm fine, you're not. Jack, you're in no condition to drive. Simple as that. Let someone else take care of the team. And you."**

_Owen … thank you. _

**Owen and Ianto locked eyes for a tiny second and it even escaped Jack's attention.**

**"****Sir, do you mind sitting next to me? It might help me … calm down?"**

**"****Of course, Ianto. If that's what you want." Jack said, not willing to let him suffer even more. **

_After all__ that's happened … he wants me to comfort him. I can't believe it. My Ianto. My bloodied Ianto … _

**Owen winked at Ianto. "Clever bastard!" he muttered under his breath.**

**Owen thought he saw that spark back in Ianto's eyes but it was disguised by a muffled pained moan as he tried to laugh. **

**Jack sat himself down next to Ianto. Toshiko sat in front and smiled when Owen whispered unheard words into her ear. **

_Thank god we have each other. __Thank god Tosh has Owen. And Owen has Toshiko. _

**Gwen on the other hand, sat down next to Jack and she rested her head against his shoulder. Overcome by grief, he grasped Ianto's and Gwen's hands. Both Torchwood-agents simultaneously looked at their saddened boss and huddled closer. Gwen placed a kiss on his cheek and wiped away a lingering tear. Ianto leant in on his touches, trying to sooth the man himself but not being able to because of the extent of his injuries. **

_Gun shot … butcher's knife… cut up limbs… blood…_

_No, I've seen things but this is incomprehensible. Not even Daleks turn on their own kind. Doctor … where are you? I'm so lost in this world and all I have is sitting in this car. But not even they know me. Not who I am. Not even what I am. Why am I so lost? Tell me what the point of all of this is? How is this right? What would you do? I don't know doctor. I just don't know. _

**Slowly but steadily, the torchwood team made their way to the hub. But just because they left the scene, it does not mean that they left behind the memories. For they will haunt each member until the very end of their lives.**


	25. Chapter 25: Unheard whispers

note: this one for Flabagash, who wanted to know what exactly Owen whispered to Toshiko in the last chapter. I hope this satisfies your curiosity :P

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**Unheard whispers**

Owen stepped into the car and placed his hands on the steering wheel. As he touched the burning plastic of the car, he noticed his hands heavily trembling. He hadn't realized how badly his body was reacting to the recent events and how easily he had ignored his own instincts. He reflected on the things he had done in the last two hours and it shocked him when he became conscious how quickly his action had turned eerily automatic. He had locked eyes with Jack for one second and in that instant he recognized the look on his boss' face. Sheer panic and torment. It was then that he realized that not even Jack could handle this. So he did what he thought was best … he took over and gave Jack a break. So as soon as Jack brought down those nasty cannibals, he had immediately taken on the task of caring for his mates.

He acted logically and rational. For once he wasn't Mister Harper. No, he had resigned to being a Doctor Harper. The medic inside him had pushed away every unnecessary emotion that would not aid him on his quest. Hurt, despair and horror were boxed in inside his heart and only to be let out when his dear colleagues were safe and sound. Back at the hub.

He looked into the rearview mirror and saw the reflection of the backseat. Ianto and Gwen both leant in against Jack. All three bordering on insanity. Ianto and Gwen still bleeding and weeping… and Jack, the strong leader, was broken by what he had witnessed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Swallowing hurt, breathing hurt and the unshed tears in his eyes hurt. Everything just hurt.

He sighed heavily and forced the emotion back in that tiny box in his heart and he firmly slammed it shut. It wasn't until he smelt Tosh's perfume that he opened his eyes. He looked sideways and glanced at the tear-stained face of Toshiko. She wasn't crying anymore but the hopelessness was ever so present on her normally pristine features. He cringed as he saw dried blood on her temple. Rage bubbled up inside him when he thought about how easily those feckers could've killed his princess.

He leant in and whispered in her ear:

_Sweetheart, I know you're upset and scared but trust me, I won't let anyone hurt you again. __You're safe … I'm here. And I promise you … the next time Jack proposes to go to the countryside, I will personally cut of his sergeant and his two lieutenants. _

He leant back and saw her smile at his words. He felt his heart skip a beat and his breath hitched. No one could look that beautiful in such a horrific state, he fondly thought to himself.

Toshiko locked eyes with him and she gave him a peculiar look. He instinctively knew what she meant to say.

"I'll get you home as soon as possible." he softly said to her.


	26. Chapter 26: Listen to the radio

Note: random silliness. Bit crap but it might make you giggle. Decided to post it anyway because ... well, my friend is on the floor laughing. Then again, she's a bit drunk!

Say what? Oh yes, it is the return of Eleanor ... and she gets some information that she might not need to know! Ianto's coffee for everyone! Review please!

BTW, "Hitting that" is American slang for having sex with someone.

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**Listen to the radio**

Eleanor and Captain Jack were greeted by music as they entered the magnificent hub.

Loud sounds and beats pulsated through the metal surroundings and filled the Victorian basement. Jack frowned as he heard that particular song playing. He had never heard it before and he certainly didn't know who it was that had turned on the radio, or even who had the ability to figure out how to trick the system.

Eleanor bounced up and down and sang along:

"_smack that, all on the floor,  
smack that, give me some more,  
smack that, 'till you get sore  
smack that, oooh"_

Jack turned to her and once again frowned. "You know this song then?"

"Yeah, it's been playing in the clubs for a while now." Eleanor responded.

"You … go to clubs?" an astonished Jack asked.

"I'm 19 years old Captain … so yeah." she shyly responded.

As they both entered the main area of the hub, they were both greeted by a smiling – and somewhat ashamed – Ianto. He vigorously typed in something on Tosh's computer and the song soon faded. "Sorry, didn't hear the alarms."

Jack leant against a railing and examined Ianto. Eleanor on the other hand, walked up to him and hugged him. "Hey Ianto. So, Akon and Eminem huh? Didn't realize you were into … erm … R'n'B…"

"Well … I don't often get the chance to listen to it, but I do enjoy it once in a while." a flustered Ianto replied.

Eleanor laughed lightly and looked at Ianto with an unbelieving eyes. "It's just that … well … no offence … but you don't really look like someone who'd listen to Akon …"

"Why not?" exclaimed Ianto, a bit more defensive that he had anticipated.

"Well, the suit and the attitude dude ... i mean ... Ianto."

Ianto faked a mock-surprise look on his face, straightened out his suit and stammered. "Well … if I want … I could get down with the homies."

Eleanor burst out in laughter. "You're Welsh sweetheart … so no."

Jack cleared his throat and both agents turned to face him. "So Ianto. How did you get the radio to work? I'm the only one who can bypass the system … and I have to use my wrist strap to do it. So how did you pull it off?"

Ianto suddenly turned bright red and was founding it hard to make a comprehensible sentence. "Well … erm … yeah … huh… I kind of … erm hacked into the system … and used the water tower as a relay … for erm radio waves …"

"You hacked into our system? With the tight security protocols and everything?" Jack exclaimed, a little shocked and a little impressed. "Seems like someone is being grosely underused here at Torchwood."

Whilst Ianto shyly nodded, Eleanor beamed. "Oh Captain … it seems that Ianto has been a very naughty boy. He should be punished. Maybe you know you should … smack that … all on the floor."

She laughed at her own joke but silenced when neither men laughed. Ianto had suddenly hurried away, blushing heavily, and Jack sported a huge grin on his face but refused to look at Eleanor.

The young girl turned her head from Ianto to Jack. Again, from Jack to Ianto.

As realization downed on her, she covered her mouth with her hand and paled. "Duuuude … I so did not need to know that!"

Jack cheerfully chuckled. He patted Eleanor on the back and walked away from the girl. However, he soon heard feet hurrying behind him. He turned to face an excited – and curious- Eleanor. "What?" Jack asked.

"Seriously," Eleanor started. "You're hitting that?"

"I'm not hitting anything." Jack replied, a little confused.

"No, not hitting a thing, you know … hitting THAT!" she repeated. It took her a while but as soon as she realized that Jack simply didn't understand the question, she explained. "It's American slang, Captain."

"Oh," Jack muttered. "Let's see … 21st century slang … Hitting that …"

Eleanor could precisely see the moment he figured out what it meant as Jack's eyes narrowed whilst his grin widened. "Now now Eleanor, I don't see how that is any of your business."

Eleanor looked rather pleased as she saw the Captain stride through the hub, with a renewed spring in his step and a huge grin on his face. "He keeps forgetting I can sense other's emotions!" she muttered to herself.


	27. Chapter 27: One single rose

note: pre-cyberwoman. Friendship between my two fave TW men: Ianto and Jack ( no offence Harper :P )

Hope you like it!

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**One single Rose**

Ianto came in early today. It was nearing six o'clock and he had sneaked into the hub early to spend some time with Lisa. Work had been overwhelming him so much that he never really got the chance to just talk to her anymore. And it was killing him, but he knew he needed to hang on in order to heal her. Things will get better soon, he kept telling himself. He also recognized that she wasn't able to respond most of the time, but he took comfort in watching her, hearing her breathe and occasionally locking eyes with his beautiful girlfriend. Even though the metallic encasing she was trapped in scared him so, he liked being there. In the cellar alone with his hurt girlfriend. It wasn't much but it was all he had.

He'd spent hours there. Just talking, glancing and sometimes crying. And today wasn't an exception. It was nearly 8 o'clock when he resurfaced and he quickly rubbed his tired and tear-stained eyes. He glanced around the hub and he noticed no one was in yet. Not even Jack. He sighed and shrugged. The thought of being alone wasn't appealing so he turned to his faithful friend: the coffee machine. As his machine hissed and puffed it's way into a nice cup of coffee, he felt himself calming down by the rhythmic tones and familiar odors escaping her. He took a deep breath and inhaled the aroma. "Just like home." he muttered.

Jack would be here any second. He knew his boss would be happy if he found a fresh cup of coffee on his desk first thing in the morning. Even if it turned cold by the time he got to it.

Of course, it was the thought that counted. And if there is one thing Ianto needed at the time, it was a happy and unsuspicious boss.

So, that morning he made his coffee and walked up to his office. He knocked attentively but startled as soon as he saw the slumped body of Jack behind his desk. A spike of panic crossed his heart as the thought of a hurt jack crept up on him. Quickly he turned the knob and ran towards the man. He sighed contently as he heard a faint snoring and saw Jack's eyes dart from left to right. Thank god he's just sleeping. I couldn't bear it if he got hurt, he thought to himself.

He was shocked by the revelation that he actually did care about the man. A silent tear fell from his sky blue eyes. How can I care about the man I am betraying?

Guilt went through him as he noticed the wet trail going down from his boss' eyes.

Softly Ianto lovingly brushed Jack's hair back whilst whispering. "Hey sir, come on. Wake up."

Again, he was startled by the affection in his voice.

One more gentle brush to the cheek and slowly Jack's lashes fluttered open. "Ianto?" the Captain's hoarse voice said in surprise.

"You must have fallen asleep sir."

"I guess I must've."

"Sir … if you don't mind me overstepping the mark, are you ok?"

"Of course I am!" Jack responded with a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?" he added, a little startled and unsure.

"Because you've been crying. And I'm no fool." Ianto responded, staring at the floor.

"I have?" Jack replied as he searched for tears on his face. He held out wet digits in front of him and stared. "I must've been." He added on a softer tone.

Ianto held out a clean red handkerchief. Jack gratefully accepted it and dabbed the tears from his face. He looked up and saw Ianto standing there, looking bewildered and worried.

"I'm fine Ianto." he said, laughingly. "I just had a weird dream. That's all."

"Even dreams can be upsetting." Ianto replied professionally.

"Yes. They can be." Jack countered, more to himself than to Ianto.

"I've brought you some coffee. I hope that'll settle the nerves."

"Thank you. Like always, I can't remember how I have functioned all these years without you."

Ianto nodded and walked towards the door.

"Ianto … wait." Jack suddenly said. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure sir. I'll do my best to reply."

"Have you ever known some sort of love that completely and utterly takes you over? And even changes you? For the better?" Jack asked, staring into his coffee as fresh tears fell.

Ianto gulped. As upset Jack had been, it was more upsetting for Ianto to see him this way. He had tried his best to stay clear from him. He knew that there had always been this attraction between them, this unspoken bond. From the first moment they had met. But he refused to believe it. He had been friendly, charming and even flirty towards Jack. He had to be, he needed Jack to fully trust him. And in the process, he had also become someone he could rely on. So much, that he even faded into the background. Always around and reliable but never seen. Good ol' bland Ianto.

But he never believed that he liked, trusted nor cared for him. He simply couldn't.

But his boss needed him at this moment. He walked up to his desk and sat on it, all the whilst trying to convince himself that he did not care. He cautiously wiped away the tears with the handkerchief. For a second time he cringed. He realized that Lisa had given him that handkerchief the day before the battle. And sometimes, he sniffed it just to remind himself how lovely she smelt. Of course the odor had fleeted, but he refused to believe it. And somehow by holding that same thing close to him, he felt her beside him. As if London never happened.

"Yes I have sir. An all-consuming love that pushes you higher. I've known that." Ianto replied, shocked that he had so easily used the past tense. "Is that what you're so upset about? The memory of a loved one?"

"Yeah," Jack replied. "There was this girl I used to know. She was just … so lovely. I can't find a better word to describe her. We weren't a couple because we both had eyes for another person… the same man even. She is … was so lively, bubbly and everything about her was good. She made me … into the person that I am today. And even though I knew that I'd never be with her, I just knew that I loved her. And I still do. I don't think I'll ever stop."

"I don't think you can ever stop loving someone that's made such an impact on you. I know I can't."

"What's your story? Tell me about your loved one."

"She was my first love ," Ianto said, cautiously. "My first real love. She's the one that brought out the best in me. Brought me out of my shell. I felt like a better man, just because she was in the room. Like she inspired me to be better. She is just so …"

The words died in his mouth and he felt his throat close inside of him. He took a big breath, steadying himself. Jack returned the favor as he stood up from his chair and placed himself in front of Ianto. Gently he dabbed away the tears that fell from Ianto's eyes. Tears Ianto didn't even know were falling. He hadn't realized that he'd been crying.

"Is this the girl that died?" Jack asked, remembering that Ianto once had told him that his girlfriend was 'deceased' as he had so clinically put it. He hadn't given it much thought at the time because he was increasingly getting frustrated with his stalker. But now, he regretted not having asked before.

"Yeah. She died in the battle of Canary Wharf. She didn't stand a chance against those cybermen. We buried her the following week. After that, I didn't see the point of staying there. I had lost everything I wanted and needed." Ianto replied, feeling his throat close up again and his eyes welling up. A lie, he bitterly thought. I lied to him. Withholding information is one thing, but this was a blatant lie. There is no turning back.

Jack interpreted this new wave of emotion as sorrow and grief. He placed a soft kiss on Ianto's forehead and stroke his hair. "It gets easier," he said empathically. "It takes time, but it will."

Ianto relished the touch. One simple small gesture of compassion and care. It had been so long since someone had just cared for him that he had forgotten how it felt. The warmth of his lips, the loving stroke and _his_ intoxicating odor. He let out a small whimper that nearly died in his throat. As Jack drew back, Ianto felt betrayed by the loss of warmth. The cold seemed even colder and the dark even darker. Just now, he realized just how much he missed his Lisa, his friends, his family, … just everything about his life in London.

Jack quickly rubbed Ianto's back and proceeded to sit down again, taking a sip of coffee and picking up a report. Ianto took this a sign to leave the room and walked away. Right before reaching for the door knob, he turned and gave Jack a questioning look.

"What happened to her?" Ianto asked.

Jack looked up from his files. "She died. She also got caught up in the battle of Canary Wharf."

Ianto internally jumped for joy. Maybe he could ever understand why I'm doing this. Why I have to do this.

"What was her name? Maybe I knew her."

"Rose," Jack replied sadly. "Rose Tyler."

"Sorry, I never knew her. But she sounds great. And … my father always used to say that if we ever love someone, you can never lose them. Because they leave a mark on you, therefore you'll always carry a bit of them with you. Even if it is only in memories."

"Your father sounds wise." Jack replied, granting Ianto a grin.

Ianto smiled, for the first time he gave him a genuine smile, and turned the door knob. As he silently exited the room, he felt the world shift. Maybe there's a chance he'll forgive me, eventually. He looked up at the office one last time and sighed. It still doesn't make what I have to do any easier.


	28. Chapter 28: bad day

note: Jack is having a REALLY bad day! 150 reviews! I seriously love each and everyone of you!

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**Bad day**

Jack's wrist strap beeped profusely, startling him out of a rare deep sleep. He groaned as the monotone beeping became louder and louder, forcing its way into his consciousness. Dazed, he stretched out his arm to turn off the alarm clock on Ianto's bedside table but instead he knocked his hand aggressively against a familiar brick wall. He jerked up straight, clutching his sore hands and moaned. The walls swirled around him dangerously and he felt his stomach turn. He lay back down again and let the exhaustion wash over him.

I was finally sleeping peacefully, he muttered under his breath.

As the room slowly stopped spinning in front of his eyes, he noticed hat he was not in Ianto's bed but in his own. Alone.

He rubbed his forehead as a splitting headache came on with a heavy force. Suddenly he realized what the beeping was, ran up the ladder into his office and hurried to the rift monitor. "There seems to be a weird shaped creature on the loose two streets from here." he exclaimed. "Ianto, are you coming?"

He looked around but when no reply came, he suddenly remembered. Ianto had gone home early three night before after a nasty alien had infected him with some sort of bacteria that turned out to be their version of the flu. He had to drag him home, really. The young man just didn't want to abandon him or the hub.

"The earth won't shatter just because Ianto Jones takes the day off!" Jack had laughingly said.

And that was the last thing he had said to him. Three days later and the man was still sick and Jack had not been graced by his presence. The task of being a Torchwood leader had once again cost him dearly.

Jack became aware at how used to Ianto's presence he was. And more importantly, how he didn't mind needing the man and being needed in return. As the memory of their last heated kiss came to mind, he gently brushed his finger over his bottom lip, relishing the taste that still lingered on his lips.

He startled out of his daydream and got ready for a solo mission. He flung his coat over his shoulders, took the car keys and ran towards the giant cog door.

Three hours later, the hub was buzzing with excitement, but Jack was nowhere to be seen.

Gwen, Owen and Tosh had just come in and they were greeted by a strong coffee scent. "Ianto's back!" shouted Gwen.

She ran towards the kitchen, with the other two agents hurrying behind her, and immediately they grasped the coffee mugs that Ianto was handing out.

"Oh I've missed this." Tosh exclaimed.

Owen just stood there, burying his nose into the cup.

"Oh never mind me then, I'M FINE after catching that nasty alien flu!" Ianto dryly said. "It's not like my body is used to fighting off alien bugs!"

Gwen turned to face him and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry darling. How are you?" she said as she flung her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. Her face turned sad when she noticed the state her colleague was in. Ianto had baggy eyes and a very pale face. He didn't sport his usual heartbreaking smile and his eyes glistened less, as if his body couldn't afford wasting energy on that.

"We did miss you …" Tosh shyly added. "A lot."

"Yeah. What she said," Owen also added. "You still look like shit mate. You should've called for an extra day off."

"Nah, I was bored to tears. Painted my bedroom wall when I couldn't bare it anymore. Then I fell asleep against the wet wall and had to clean off the paint on my skin. In hindsight, painting whilst being ill is not a good idea. Especially not because now there is this big Ianto-shaped figure on my wall." He replied. "But … woah … what is that smell?"

The members all sniffed and cringed as a putrid odor surrounded them.

Owen smirked. "You know … who smelt it, dealt it."

Ianto dramatically rolled his eyes. "You're such a child … no, it's smells like …"

"Me." Jack suddenly said, standing a few feet away from them covered in alien guts.

Owen actually shrieked a yelp of surprise as he saw the lime green goo slowly dripping from Jack's broad frame. "What is that?"

"That," Jack began. "That are the intestines of a Valiniam.

"What's that?" Gwen asked, pinching her nose shut with her fingers.

Ianto whistled in awe. "Nasty buggers. Seven feet tall worm-type creatures living in the sewers of North Cardiff."

"Yes. Nasty buggers indeed." Jack sarcastically replied. "The feckers surfaced. Three bloody Valiniams surrounded me and …" His voice trailed off.

"And?" Tosh asked, tilting her head to the side as she watched a big green blob roll over Jack's shoulders.

"And threw up on me." Jack responded. A disgusted and hurtful look crossed his face before he spluttered an angry 'urgh'.

"Wait … isn't their primary food …?"

"Based on sulfuric acid?" Jack said as he completed Ianto's sentence. "Yes, It … stung quite a bit."

"Oh Jack." Gwen muttered, closing her eyes in agony.

"When I died, they figured they could … have me … for lunch. So they wrapped their body's around me. Like a snake would and they … squeezed. Squeezed the air out of me. I think I heard – and felt- a few ribs crack. They didn't count on me waking up again. To break free I had to shoot them."

"You shot a Valiniam?" Owen asked in surprise.

"Yes Owen. I did."

"But don't they explode?" Owen asked.

"Yes Owen. Obviously they do. I just … forgot."

"Wait … gunshot and sulfuric acid? Doesn't that kind of elicit a spark and …?

"Blow the whole thing up …" Ianto said in a sad voice. His eyes shot up and locked with his lover's. Ianto distinctively saw unshed tears hiding in those ocean blue eyes that could so easily take his breath away. Ianto closed his eyes and pushed away the persistent horrifying thoughts.

Jack just looked away.

The room fell silent as realization dawned. None dared imagine the pain their Captain had gone through and even though none would admit it, their hearts broke.

Ianto cleared his throat and walked towards Jack. Nearly by his side , he took two steps back. "Woah that is … rich." he exclaimed whilst covering his nose.

He sighed and proceeded. Gently, he cupped Jack's hand and tugged him away. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He whispered in a sweet and compassionate voice.

Sluggishly, Jack followed. The minute they were alone, Jack let out a terrified sob.

Ianto stopped to observe him. He reached out his hands and touched his cheek, not taking notice of the smell and goo dripping on his face. "It may be a stupid question but are you ok?"

"Just another day at Torchwood." Jack replied as he took off his coat. "Any chance you can save it?"

"I'll try my best." He said as he held the coat as far from him as possible.

"Please do the best you can. You know how much that thing means to me."

" Of course Jack. And baby … I am sorry you had to go through that."

"Baby …" Jack lovingly murmured as he watched Ianto hastily walk away.

* * *

Ianto was helping out a customer in his tourist office when Jack walked into the office. The old lady was actively talking to Ianto as she asked directions to the Glass Needle. She glanced at Jack and pulled up her nose.

Jack shifted uneasily and cleared his throat, making sure the old lady knew he had noticed her unkind gesture.

As she walked towards the door, both men could clearly hear her mutter something under her breath that sounded a lot like "Cardiff sure attracts some weird people."

Ianto's heart sank as he registered the hurt expression on Jack's face. "Never mind her. If she knew what you did, she'd bake you a bunch of pasties." Ianto said as he winked at him.

Jack forced a smile and chuckled awkwardly.

"Want some coffee? That always cheers you up."

"That would be nice Yan. Just one quick question. Do I still smell? I scrubbed myself three times but I can still smell it on me. I would've washed more but my skin is just raw. Is it just me or do I still smell like decomp?"

"Just a bit, but I'm sure it'll fade soon." Ianto responded.

Jack growled. "Leave the coffee for later."

With a loud thud, he exited the office and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

Owen paced up and down Jack's office, furiously rubbing his hands through his gelled haired.

"Finally!" he shouted out as a tired Jack entered his office.

"I really should start locking my office." Jack dryly said. "What's up doc?"

"There seems to be a problem. One of the weevils broke out."

"What?! What the fuck happened, Owen?"

"He escaped whilst I tried out a new … exercise routine."

Jack frowned. "How come I didn't know about this? And what is this new 'exercise routine' then?"

"I thought it would be safe to you know … take Janet out for a walk, on a leash."

"Are you mad?" Jack said, surprisingly calm.

"Funny that's what Ianto said as well." Owen laughingly replied.

"Was anyone hurt?" Jack asked sternly.

"No Jack."

"Not yet at least. Owen, get out there and get Janet back in here before she hurts anyone." Jack ordered. "And next time you pull this kind of shit on me again, I WILL retcon you into oblivion, understand?"

Owen nodded.

As Owen left, Jack sighed heavily. He sat himself down and placed his head on the desk.

A quiet knock on the door made him groan. He looked up and saw Ianto standing in the door way.

"Oh, it's just you." Jack said.

"Did you expect the Dalai Lama?" Ianto dryly responded, a bit more bitter than he had intended.

Jack didn't respond. He just placed his head on the desk again.

He flinched as he saw Ianto sit down on the desk out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you ok?" Ianto asked.

Jack's head shot up and angrily he locked eyes with the young man. "Will you stop asking me that?"

"I'm sorry Jack, you just don't seem that well. And considering what you've been through, it wouldn't be the biggest surprise of all!"

"Well stop asking me! It's not helping." Jack scolded.

He placed his head against the desk again and rested his eyes. A shiver when through his spine as he felt Ianto's fingers playing with the short hairs in his neck.

"Don't." Jack sniped.

"I was just trying to …"

"Well don't Ianto. Just bring me some coffee. That still is your job."

Angrily, Ianto got up and stomped away, slamming the glass door behind him.

He never did came back with that coffee.

* * *

Gwen quickly grabbed Jack's arm as he walked past. "Jack, I'm getting weird readings on the same spot you met those worms this morning."

"Really? You think there are more of them?" Jack asked, worrying.

"I think so."

"Then we better get moving." Jack proclaimed. "Come on, you and me on the road."

When they arrived at the scene, it was obvious that something had happened earlier the day. The roads were cleaned, thanks to Ianto's quick thinking and connections with the sanitation department, but if you looked closely you could still see lime green goo dripping from the leaves of the trees. And of course, a putrid smell of decomposition lightly swirled with the wind.

Jack glanced at the opened entrance of the sewage. "I would say 'ladies first' but this time I don't think it's such a brilliant idea. So pardon the lack of chivalry."

Elegantly, Jack lowered himself into the sewage. With a smaller splash, Gwen followed.

"Be careful, Gwen. They may look harmless but … well you've seen what happens if you cross them."

Gwen chuckled. "Yeah, you get covered in green goo."

"Not amusing."

"Maybe not for you." Gwen replied, grinning so the gap between her front teeth was clearly visible.

Jack shot her an angry look but could not resist chuckling along.

"I hear something." Gwen suddenly said.

Both Torchwood agents crept around the sewage silently, guns cocked.

As they turned the corner, they found what they were looking for. A giant worm stood in the middle of sewage pipe, seemingly stuck. But as soon as it noticed the two people, it stretched itself out so that it could easily move in the pipe.

Gwen gasped loudly, horrified by the physique of the creature in front of her.

"Jack Harkness" a weird voice said.

"Wait, it's sentient?" Gwen asked.

"Apparently…" Jack hissed.

"That's Captain Jack Harkness for strangers." Jack proclaimed, now addressing the Valiniam. "And who might you be?"

"I am the mother of the children you murdered this morning!" it said.

Jack audibly gulped. "Gwen, turn back and get to the SUV. Wait for me there."

"Jack, no! I can't leave you here on your own." she resisted.

"I'll be fine. Please Gwen. Just do as I say."

"But why would she?" the worm said. "Why would she take orders from a murderer? A monster?"

"I did what I did to protect myself. They were going to kill me! Again!" Jack pleaded.

"My children were merely playing upstairs when you disturbed them."

"The playing consists of scaring the shit out of innocent people." Jack shouted. "I couldn't let that happen! What if humans got hurt?"

"Why are humans so much more important that us, the proud folks of the Valiniam?"

"They aren't. But I'm here to protect humans! And I WILL do anything I can to do so!"

"Even murder children?" the worm shot back.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry." Jack softly said as he lowered his eyes.

"No you're not. But you will be. Suffer you must." The worm suddenly slid her tail under her body and was quickly slithering towards the duo. Menacingly, it separated into four tentacles and they were reaching out Jack and Gwen.

"RUN GWEN!"

Both agents started running for their lives as the tentacles soon followed suit.

"Hurry Jack" Gwen shouted as she was climbing the ladder. As she resurfaced, she grabbed Jack hand and helped him up.

"Go to the SUV. Lock the doors and wait for me." Jack ordered.

Gwen did as she was told. Her legs trembled as he held herself up on the SUV. Quickly, she opened the door and sat down in the driver's seat. She held out her hands and saw them shaking violently. Another day at Torchwood, she angrily said to her scared reflection in the window.

Panting heavily, she watched her boss kneel down and do something. She didn't quite know what but as soon as she saw him running towards the SUV, she started the car.

Jack hurried inside and as soon he had closed the car door, she put the peddle to the floor and hurried out of the street.

In the rearview mirror she suddenly saw flames and smoke rushing up from the sewage. Her mouth dropped open and she parked the car. "You … you killed the creature?"

"Yes, I did." Jack answered without flinching.

"Why?"

"Because it was going to kill us Gwen."

'She was a mother who had just lost her children Jack. She wasn't thinking straight."

"IT Gwen. Not she. It was an IT!"

"IT was SENTIENT! Jack, Don't you ever think? Or even show a bit of compassion?"

"I can't Gwen," Jack screamed, bursting with anger. "I'm the leader of Torchwood. I don't get to be compassionate. If I do, then my friends die. I have to make the tough decisions or the world ends. Don't you see?"

"You told me that Torchwood could do more to help. Is this what you think helping is?"

"Yes." Jack responded.

"Murdering a hurt mother?"

"Yes Gwen!"

"Then maybe IT was right. Maybe you are just another monster."

Gwen's eyes burned with fury and the Welshwoman did not flinch from Jack as he punched the dashboard. He shot her a furious look. "If you excuse me, I'd rather walk back to the hub. I'm sure you don't want a monster as your hitchhiker."

He got out of the door, slammed the door and angrily strode away.

* * *

As he walked along the bay, he received some news over the comm. system and that did not help the foul mood he was in. And poor Ianto was yet again at the receiving end of another outburst.

"Jack, bad news."

"What now Ianto." Jack responded with irritation seeping through his voice.

"The coat … it was too far gone to be salvaged."

"What?" Jack exclaimed.

"The acid damaged the fabric so badly that further treatment would only harm it more instead of cleaning it. I'm sorry, Jack."

"Oh for fuck's sake Ianto, why can't you do something right for once?"

"I'm doing my best sir." Ianto responded, his voice heavy with emotion.

"Try better. I'll be at the hub in 10 minutes. Make sure I have a cup of coffee waiting for me. Can you manage not to fuck that up, tea boy?"

"I guess sir."

"Don't guess, just do it."

With a click, Jack broke off the communication.

* * *

The big cog door rolled open and an alarm blared loudly. Noisy footsteps followed soon as Jack strode angrily across the main area of the hub.

He held out his hand at Gwen, who had opened her mouth to say something. "We'll talk tomorrow. Go home and rest up." he said, calmly but far from friendly.

Owen sat by his desk and glanced up. "Caught Janet, she's back in the cells and no one got eaten."

"Good Job. Same goes for you. Go to bed. Or get shagged. Whatever you want."

He went into his office, took off his coat and nonchalantly threw it on the settee. He began rubbing his temples and pacing through his office.

A forceful knock made him turn on his heels. "Toshiko, what can I do for you?" he said, trying his best to sound cheerful.

"Nothing, really. I just dropped by to hand over the reports I promised you." the young Asian responded.

"Have you spoken to Gwen?" Jack suddenly asked.

"Yes."

"What do you think?"

"I think that you did what you thought was right Jack."

Sensing a 'but', he slightly rolled his eyes. "But in the end, you agree with her?"

"Yes." Tosh answered.

"Well, you weren't there when it tried to squeeze the life out of me."

"No, I wasn't. But you're the one who asked for my opinion. So don't get cross with me for being honest."

"Take the rest of the night off." Jack said, bitterly.

"Thank you." Toshiko replied, a hurt and bitter tone seeping through her voice.

Jack winced as the sharp lighting aggravated his splitting headache. He turned off the lights and slumped on the couch, resting his head in his hands.

He startled when he heard the clatter of china in front of him. He looked up from his hands and saw familiar fingers handling his favorite cup. He cautiously glanced up and saw the features of his lover reflecting the soft lighting from the lit candles.

"Candles?" Jack asked.

"Sitting in the total darkness is a bit creepy, even for you, and soft lighting is better for migraine. Hence the candles."

Jack took a sip of his mug and winced at the taste. "This is tea … chamomile tea."

"Yes it is. It's suppose to be calming. Coffee is not good for headaches."

"I don't have a headache." Jack said fiercely.

"No? So you just enjoy sitting in the total darkness and rubbing your temples like there is no tomorrow?"

Jack smiled. "How do you know me so well Jones, Ianto Jones."

"Well, most of the times you are a nice person to spend some time with."

Ianto started to walk away from the older man but when a hand reached out to his, he froze on the spot. He turned to face Jack and muttered. "Don't you want to be alone to wallow in your misery?" he dryly said.

"Will you stay? Please? You're the only one I can tolerate now."

Ianto snorted but stayed anyway, still holding on to Jack's hand and softly caressing the skin with his thumb.

"Yeah … about today … I realize I may have been a bit of a jerk. Especially towards those who didn't really deserve it … like yourself."

"A jerk?" Ianto exclaimed. "Try knobhead."

"Okay, I guess I deserve that." Jack shyly replied.

Ianto nodded. "I know you've had a rough day Jack but I was just trying to help."

Jack sighed. "I know sunshine."

He stood up and placed himself in front of Ianto. With one hand still in Ianto's and the other on his chest, he searched for eye contact.

"I'm a knobhead and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Yes, I can. And you may be a knobhead but you're still my knobhead." Ianto responded, as he leant in for a small kiss.

Jack sat down again and beckoned Ianto to join him. As Ianto complied, he watched the tea boy sit down and throw one leg over the other.

"You know, I really have missed you while you were gone." Jack said as he watched Ianto's reaction.

He smiled. As he leant in for another kiss, he stroked Jack's cheek. "As have I, sir."

Jack purred. "I love when you call me that."

Ianto chuckled and winked. "I've noticed. So … you had a bad day?"

"Terrible." Jack answered.

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Oh yeah." Jack responded with a grin. He snuggled up close to his boyfriend and rested his head on his chest. He listened to Ianto's heartbeat and relished the touch of Ianto's fingers running through his hair until he had calmed down enough. He started speaking. Ianto only spoke when Jack asked him something and for the rest of the time, he just listened. He listened to Jack's story and found it wonderful that he was willing to open up to him. Contently, he smiled as he got a little insight onto the wonderful world of Jack harkness, even on a bad day.

"Just another day at Torchwood, huh?" Ianto whispered as he felt Jack slip into a relaxed sleep.


	29. Chapter 29: Pink

note: dedicated to everyone who needs a bit of a laugh. :)

And apparently the "fine-d" bit comes from the tv-series "Friends". Thank you Flabagash for bringing it to my attention. I was let to believe that my friend made it up. Nearly paid him royalties for it. (raises nose in disbelieve)

**Pink**

"Jack!" a fuming Owen screamed out.

The Captain was absently listening to Owen's tirade and ever so often he would mutter a polite 'ahuh' or 'Yeah, you're right', giving Owen the impression that he was interested in another one of his rant-sessions. One minor mistake Jack had made, was that he didn't look up from the report he so seemingly was captivated by. Not even once.

Owen, of course, was not fooled. "Jack, have you heard anything I've said?"

"Yes, you are right." Jack answered.

Owen smugly smirked. He knew at that precise moment that he had encountered a rare occasion. The occasion to outsmart his boss.

"So, you really don't mind that I'm going to tie up Ianto to a chair and have my way with him?"

To that, Jack looked up. "Sorry?"

"Ianto, you know. Your fucktoy."

"What about him?" Jack innocently asked but in essence highly curious. "Did you say you're going to tie him up and have your way with him?"

"Yes, I did. Is that okay with you? I know you said throttling the staff was your job but I think in this situation he'd benefit from a Harper-trick."

"Erm … Owen, are you seriously suggesting that you'd want to … you know … with Ianto? My Ianto?"

And there it was. The smuggest, cockiest and most arrogant smile Owen could manage and it was directed at Jack. Uncharacteristically, Jack's cheeks shone with a fiery red blush. However, he did not break eye contact. "You're taking the piss, aren't you?"

"Yes," Owen began. "Yes, Jack, I am. Because YOU haven't been listening to a word I've said."

"Okay, sorry. What did you want?" Jack replied, a bit caught out.

"Ianto. He's ill and needs to go home. But he won't listen to me. Talk to him. He's annoying the crap out of everyone with his constant sneezing, coughing and moaning."

Owen sighed. "My god, that man can moan."

Jack sported a dopey grin and stared into the distance. "Oh, he sure can."

Owen dramatically rolled his eyes and muttered something like 'for fuck's sake' under his breath. He turned on his heels and started to walk away.

Jack formed a bridge with his hands and rested his head on the tips of his fingers. He remained calm and spoke with a friendly tone in his voice but his eyes betrayed the severity of his warning. "Owen," he said and waited for the medic to turn and face him. "If you ever call Ianto my fucktoy again, I will put your head through the wall. Understood?"

Owen swallowed visibly and nodded. With a quicker pace than before, he walked out of the office.

* * *

"Tosh, have you figured out what that piece of technology actually does? Besides buzzing in irregular intervals?" Jack cheerfully asked.

"Not really, Jack. It's weird because it seems to be protecting itself. Every time I get close to opening the casket, it develops a new lock!"

Not too far from Toshiko and Jack, a loud 'ATCHOO' sounded, followed by a loud and wet noise that was unmistakably someone blowing their nose.

"For instance, I tried hacking my way in but all it does, is generate new codes every time I'm down to the last digit." Toshiko continued.

'ATCHOO'

"So it's a tricky one then. Have you figured out its origin?" Jack inquired.

'COUGH'

"Nearly Jack, it's definitely not from this solar system. The markings on it are just exquisite. I've never seen anything like it."

'Blow of the nose'

"Keep working on it then, I'm sure we'll have this one sorted in no time" Jack said, smiling encouragingly at a stressed Toshiko.

Jack looked sideways and saw Ianto standing by the coffee machine, his head resting against the illusive coffee maker. He chuckled as he saw Ianto jerk awake and fiercely rubbing his left cheek, presumably a bit burnt by the increase in heat radiating from the machine.

'ATCHOO'

Jack could hear Owen shouting "For FUCK'S sake!".

Jack hopped over to Gwen, who was buried under piles and piles of files, reports, profiles and other papers. "Found a suspect yet?"

Gwen glanced up and smiled. "No, but I'm working on it. Say Jack, would you mind talking to…"

"I'm on it." Jack sang as he winked at the Welshwoman.

"Ianto!"

"Yes, sir?" the archivist responded, looking so pale that the redness around the nose was so apparent it became comical.

Jack closed the distance between them and whispered softly, as if he was trying to share a secret with the young man.

"Ianto, I need you to do me a favor. Something that is very important, delicate and something that only you can do."

"Of course sir, that is what I'm here for." Ianto responded as his face turned dark in anticipation. "What is it that you need?"

"No wait. First, I need you to promise me that you will do whatever I say." Jack said, his face serious.

"Of course Jack. You know I will."

"Now, I know you think keeping your promises is very important. So if you promise me this, I will expect you to keep it."

"Jack, yes, of course! What is the matter?"

Jack came in closer, if possible, and Ianto bent his head so he could hear better.

Softly and quietly, Jack whispered: "I need you to …"

Startling everyone out of their concentration, Jack ended his sentence by shouting it out loud. "GO HOME!"

Ianto dramatically rolled his eyes. "Sir, you don't need to worry. I'm fine-d"

"Ianto, the fact that you pronounce a 'd' at the end of 'fine' means that you are NOT fine! You are ill and should be in bed, snuggled in a warm duvet and drinking hot choco."

'ATCHOO'

Ianto groaned loudly and muttered two words with intense desire. "Hot choco."

Jack smiled at the innocent and childlike behavior that his lover was portraying. "If you go home, you could have some …"

Ianto blew his nose again and wiped it clean. Sad, red and puffy eyes locked with Jack's. "I can't sir. Tosh needs me to help her debug her latest upgrade of the security software, Gwen needs other profiles from the archives and well.. someone needs to clean up after Owen."

"Ianto. Sweetheart. I'll help Tosh, Gwen can go herself and Owen can clean up after himself. Now, you made a promise. GO HOME!"

Ianto pulled his 'come on, Jack. Look at my sweet puppy eyes'-face, that usually got him what he wanted.

"No, Ianto. None of that emotional blackmail. You … bed … NOW!"

"Jack," Owen suddenly said. "Go with him."

"What?" Ianto and Jack both exclaimed.

Owen smirked, again, and Jack was holding back the desire to smack him. Hard.

"I don't know what you two are involved in but I do know that you are the only one who can even remotely get Ianto to do something he doesn't want to. I've tried many times to get him to wear a bright pink bow tie but nothing. I'm sure you could do it."

With an obnoxious smug look on his face, Owen continued. "Just as I'm sure you can get him into bed …"

Ianto's eyes evilly glared at him and if Owen knew that he'd have thwacked him if Ianto hadn't been so damned miserable.

Owen cleared his throat but his face was still locked in a smug expression. "I'll cover for you today. What's the point of having someone as second in command, if you're not going to take advantage of it. It's not like you're going to be kicking the bucket any time soon."

'ATCHOO!'

Jack gave Ianto a worried look and checking for a fever, he placed his hand softly on Ianto's forehead. "Okay. But don't burn the house down."

* * *

An hour later, Jack walked into Ianto's darkened bedroom. He leant up against the doorframe and contently sipped his coffee. He stood there for minutes just glaring at a sleeping Ianto, snuggled up in bed with a tissue-box by his head and an empty cup of hot chocolate milk on his bedside table.

He sighed and closed his eyes. I must be getting old, he thought to himself. I'm actually starting to LIKE the domestic aspect of a relationship. With Ianto.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and an evil smile crept on his lips. He walked up to Ianto's closet, quietly opened the door and browsed through the content.

"Now, about that pink bow tie …"


	30. Chapter 30: Stewie

note: two in one day! Who loves ya?!

Review please! They brighten up this cold, snowy and dark day. Have I mentionned it's cold?

* * *

**Stewie**

"Jack … I've done something horrible."

"Ianto? What happened?"

"Please, just come here. Track the GPS of the SUV. I don't know where I am."

"Okay Yan. Just take it easy. We'll be there soon. Don't worry."

* * *

"Toshiko! Track the SUV. Ianto's in trouble!" Jack shouted throughout the hub.

"What happened?" Gwen inquired.

"I don't know. He didn't say. He just said he'd done something horrible and he needed some help."

"Got it." Tosh exclaimed as she put on her coat. Owen quickly followed behind her.

Together, they ran through the cog door and hurried to Ianto's aid.

* * *

The team found their lost member within half an hour just outside Cardiff. Ianto sat down on the street holding something in his arms and leant up against the SUV.

Jack got out and ran towards the man. "What happened?"

"I killed her." Ianto said in a low and grim voice. "I didn't see her on the road and I killed her. Drove right through her. It was over before I could help it."

Jack noticed something moving in his arms. Because of the dark, it was hard to tell what it is, especially as it was wrapped in his jacket. He bent down and caressed his face. "Hush sweetheart, it was an accident. You didn't know. I know you, you're not a killer. You wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose."

Owen cursed and headed to the front of the SUV. He gasped as he saw an enormous dent in the front and a huge amount of blood splattered on the car and on the floor. He followed the trail of blood and when he saw the beaten and bloodied body, he let out a yelp of surprise.

Jack quickly turned around. He frowned as he saw a smile on Owen's face.

"It's a bloody sheep, Jack."

"He hit … a sheep?"

"Yeah."

"Oh thank god for that."

Ianto let out a small whimper that immediately caught Gwen's attention. "Cariad?"

"I killed an innocent creature Gwen. It was just crossing the road. I should have paid more attention."

She knelt down beside the young man and wiped a tear from his face. "It's ok, it's just a sheep."

Jack groaned. "Wrong thing to say Gwen. He's got a thing for our furry friends."

Jack joined Gwen and sat beside Ianto. "Look Yan, I know it must've been a real shock but I'm sure Dolly over there didn't suffer too much."

"Yeah," Owen responded. "He hit her full force! Man, she looks like a kebab. Haha I've made a funny."

"Owen!" Tosh exclaimed.

"Hey, come on." Jack said. "At least it's not a human?"

"Sweetheart," Gwen said. "What are you holding?"

Jack carefully reached out his hand and pulled down the hem of his jacket. An experimental lick made him withdraw his hands very quickly. A soft 'baaah' sound startled everyone.

"It's her baby." Ianto softly said as he pulled down his jacket completely. He revealed a small white little lamb, resting contently in his arms.

"Oh he's gorgeous!" Gwen said out loud.

Even Jack let out a tiny gasp of surprise as he locked eyes with two sleepy blue eyes.

Toshiko joined them, knelt down and softly petted the little lamb. "Owen's trying to find out who we have to contact to clean up … erm … road kill." she said in a low voice, as if not trying to let the little one know what happened.

"They're picking her up in half an hour. We don't need to hang around so can we go? I'm freezing my arse off here!" Owen grunted.

Ianto suddenly got up and walked towards Owen's car.

Owen cleared his throat and frowned. "Where does he think he's going with that thing?"

"Leave it." Gwen snapped.

* * *

The road back was silent, expect for the occasional 'baaaaah' coming from Ianto's jacket. Jack sat beside Ianto, who was still a bit shocked after the crash.

He smiled at him and Ianto cautiously grinned back. "I know it's stupid to get upset over a sheep." Ianto suddenly said.

"Don't worry about it." Gwen said, who sat on his other side and gently brushed his hair back from his face. "I know it's a real shock. I once accidently killed a rabbit and it shook me pretty bad as well."

"I love the way you care so much about animals. You're so passionate and caring." Jack said. "Just look at you, protecting that little animal. We could have just left it out there. But it didn't even cross your mind. That makes you … simply adorable." Jack punctuated the sentence by placing a soft kiss on Ianto's nose.

"Yeah, really adorable and all. We all know how the Welsh feel about sheep. Still doesn't make up for the fact that my left arse cheek is numb from cold." Owen moaned.

Suddenly Ianto laughed loudly. Jack and Gwen locked eyes and grinned. They both were thinking the same thing at the same time. _Ianto's back. _

"Sorry Owen. I'll make your coffee extra delicious for the rest of the year."

"Oi coffee kid, you been skimping out on me?"

"Well …." Ianto said, grinning like a madman. "Sometimes I do think you're not worth the bother."

Ianto winked when he saw Owen glancing at the rearview mirror and Jack chuckled whilst softly caressing the little lamb. Jack surprised everyone by doing the one thing they'd never believe he'd do, if it wasn't for the fact that it happened right in front of them. He used babytalk. "Gosh, you're so gorgeous. Such a pretty boy! Such SUCH a pretty boy!"

"So what are we going to do with her?" Toshiko asked as she looked at Jack as if he was disturbed.

"Him," Ianto interrupted Toshiko. "It's a boy. I think Shaun suits him. Get it? Shaun the sheep?"

A few giggles immediately brightened up the atmosphere in the car.

"I'd prefer Stewie." Owen replied.

"hmmpf, maybe. I did always like Stewart as a name." Jack said.

"No, no, no." Owen said as he laughingly shook his head. "It stands for delicious sheep stew!"

"What?" Ianto exclaimed. "We can't eat him! I nearly killed him!"

"Well if you had done a better job of it, we wouldn't be stuck with an orphaned sheep." Owen countered.

"Jack, please tell me we're not going to eat it!" Ianto shouted out in horror.

"No one is going to harm Shaun, okay? Owen, quit winding Ianto up. Ianto, please calm down and stop panicking!"

Ianto frowned. He put up his best 'how can you refuse me'-look and shyly glanced at Jack. "Jaaaack, can't we …"

"No, Ianto. We can't keep it at the hub."

"Come on Jack!"

"Ianto! We have a pterodactyl…"

"I'll make sure he's safe."

"Sweetheart … we live underground …"

"I'll take him out for walks!"

Gwen giggled. "Ianto … come on. You can't be serious."

"I know it's going to be tough but … I'd have to put him in an animal shelter if we don't keep him. I've worked there … I know what happens …" Ianto grimly said as he clutched Shaun back to his chest.

"Shht, it's okay. I'm sure we can find something for Shaun."

Suddenly Gwen got out her cell phone and dialed someone. A conversation was held in Welsh, stunning everyone except Ianto.

"You're kidding me?" Ianto said as Gwen ended the phone call.

"Sorted." she replied as she fondly smiled at Ianto.

"Gwen bloody Cooper … I absolutely and utterly love you!" Ianto shouted out and placed a kiss on her cheek.

Jack shifted uneasily beside him and looked a bit startled. "What's going on?" Jack asked, nervously.

Gwen just beamed. "I phoned my uncle. He lives way up north and he's got a milk farm. I've asked him to if he wanted to take on Shaun and he agreed. So at least now that's settled. Shaun going to a farm. Errr … literally. He's going to graze there and live happily ever after with his other sheep-friends."

She shot Owen a dirty look and continued. "And not eaten."

"Seriously Gwen. Thank you." Ianto said, a serious expression on his face.

"You're welcome. And you're welcome to visit him any time." Gwen said.

"You know," Jack whispered. "There is still the matter of a ruined, _expensive_ government issued and very much wrecked SUV."

"Oh…" Ianto said. "I'm sure I can make it up to you."

"Oh, I think of a few things." Jack replied, winking so obvious it made Ianto blush.

Jack put his hand on his thigh, softly brushing his fingers over his inner leg. He came in closer and started placing soft and sweet kisses on Ianto's ear, neck and jaw line. Ianto threw his head back and managed to just bite back a moan.

Both men were suddenly startled out of their fantasy as an growling Owen hit the claxon pretty roughly. "OI, you bastard! You cut me off! Fucking wanker!"

Both men heaved a sigh of release. Beside them, they could hear Gwen chuckle.

"And you lot. Yes, you! Captain and the Tea-boy. No more hanky panky. Got that? Last thing i need is knowing that my backseat is ... tainted."

This time, it wasn't only Ianto who was blushing. However, Jack wouldn't be Jack if he didn't come up with an _inappropriate _comeback. "Care to join us, Owen? I'm sure Toshiko doesn't mind driving."

They all found this amusing, except for Owen, who was busy muttering curses under his breath and keeping his eyes firmly fixated on the road.


	31. Chapter 31: Lean on me

Note: Janto friendship/ relationship. kind of fluffy but angsty at the same time, if that's even possible. First bit is situated after Ianto's suspension following Lisa and the last bit is after Kiss, Kiss, Bang Bang. Inspired by a lyric by Savage Garden. "Enemies at wars, we built defenses and secret hiding places. I might need you to hold me tonight, say it's alright."

* * *

**Lean on me**

Ianto rested his head on the desk. "Just a few more hours." he tiredly muttered under his breath. It had been one of those nights again, where sleep was disturbed by vicious nightmares. Every time he closed his eyes, strange and terrifying images would scare away the much-needed sleep.

"Just a few more hours and I can leave this goddamn place. Not that I have a home to go to. A house maybe, but not a home." he found himself whispering to no one in particular.

He lifted his head up and shook his head, trying to wake himself up. As a customer entered the little tourist information center, he smiled politely. "Afternoon, how may I help you?"

Ten minutes and a satisfied tourist later, he slumped back into his chair. Gloomily, he returned to his laptop, checking his emails and browsing the internet for new leads on alien 'encounters'. His mind travelled through various thoughts like how much he hated those orange smarties, how much he resisted the urge to have another cigarette and how very empty his apartment had been lately. He contemplated buying a dog or maybe a cat. Yeah, he thought to himself, a cat. Maybe I'll do that. They aren't that dependent on their owners. Maybe it'll do me some good. Maybe, just maybe.

He startled as the hidden door opened. A grinning Captain Jack entered the office holding a big cup, bright red and blue letters spelled out 'Hot Stuff' .

"Afternoon Ianto." he cheerfully said.

"Afternoon." Ianto mumbled. He took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar odor of coffee. He groaned slightly as the fleeting aroma caressed his nostrils and longingly, he thought about brewing a pot of coffee. Instead, he was stuck at the tourist office for at least another two hours. "Can I help you with something, sir?" he asked.

"No, not really." Jack replied. "Just looking for some good company. Rift's been quiet today so I'm a bit bored."

Ianto stiffened a yawn. He vigorously rubbed his eyes and once again he shook his head. "You could catch up on your paperwork. I've noticed the pile hasn't gotten any smaller."

Jack chuckled lightheartedly and jumped on top of the counter. "Argh, paperwork, smaperwork. You are more fun to hang out with. Besides, we haven't been talking as much as I'd like so this might be a good chance, you know, to clear the air or to say whatever is on your mind …"

Jack obscenely winked at the blushing Welshman and he carefully observed his reaction. When Ianto didn't reply, he continued. "Here, I brought you some coffee."

"You brought … me … coffee?" Ianto managed to bring out.

"Yes, I did. No sugar and a dash of milk, right?"

"But I'm suppose to bring you coffee, sir."

"Yeah but I thought we might reverse the rolls today. I bring you coffee, you make an inappropriate comment about my trousers, I laugh nervously and blush awkwardly." the grinning Captain explained.

When no response came, Jack sighed. "Tough crowd."

"Sorry sir," Ianto said, looking apologetic. "I'm just quite tired today."

"I've noticed. You look exhausted. Bad night? Or out chasing the girls?"

"I couldn't sleep." Ianto glumly replied. "I never can get some decent sleep."

Jack examined the younger man's face and found it rather odd that Ianto did his best to avoid eye contact at all cost. When he finally did lock eyes with the young archivist, it did not escape his attention that his normally steady blue eyes were stormy, red rimmed and tear-filled. "Ianto … I want you to go home early tonight and catch up on some rest, okay? Since you got back from your suspension, you've been first one in and last one out the hub. You're working yourself too hard. And I'm getting worried that you're not dealing as well as I hoped you would."

"I have been away for a month … lots of work to catch up on, sir." Ianto replied whilst taking a sip of coffee.

Jack rolled his eyes. He hated getting brushed off. And he hated getting a cold shoulder. Especially on subjects that were of great importance to him. And the mental wellbeing of his staff certainly is one of them. "That can wait another day. Working yourself on the brink of exhaustion isn't doing you any good. And it's certainly not going to make me or the others forgive you any sooner. Besides, I don't need to worry about you more than I already do. Last thing I want is you collapsing from exhaustion. So, in four hours you will leave this place and go home. That's an order Jones. If you need anything, I'll be in my office."

Jack, a little pissed off, jumped off the counter, straightened his back and turned on his heels, ready to go back to the hub.

"I sometimes just don't know what to do." Ianto said, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Jack turned to face Ianto and leant against counter, mere inches away from the distressed man.

"Go on, I'm listening." Jack encouragingly whispered, softly running his hand up and down his arm.

"I can't sleep, I can't eat. Everything I do hurts. I feel like I'm a zombie, numb and dead inside. Sleepwalking through my life. The only thing I can do, is bury myself in work so that I'm too tired or busy to stop and think. Too tired to drink at night, too tired to cut myself, too tired to reminisce, too tired to do anything besides fall asleep on my couch. I still can't bare being in our … my … bedroom. It's like her presence never left. She's still there, haunting me and begging me to save her." Ianto continued, as he gloomily stared into the distance. "I'm so tired, hungry and depressed and in some ways I feel it all and in others, I feel nothing. Nothing but a big black hole sucking in everything near it."

Jack's hands unwillingly found its way to Ianto's back, massaging the small of his back and working their way up to his shoulders. He paid special attention to the space between his shoulder blades. "You keep a lot of tension between your shoulder blades." Jack said as he tried to loosen up the tense knots.

Ianto whimpered, the mere sound made Jack shiver. He couldn't decipher if there was pain or pleasure behind that sound.

Ianto relaxed to the touch, enjoying the feel of the tension leaving his body. "Every waking moment I ache. Every inch of me. And when the pain goes, it's replaced by this deafening numbness, like someone is pushing shards of glass into my stomach and yet I can't feel it. Sometimes I don't know which is worse. Struggling to breath because I hurt so much or not feeling anything at all. No anger, no sadness, no love."

Jack's hands slid across Ianto's waist and snaked around his skinny frame. Just now Jack had noticed how much slimmer he was and how loosely those pants suited him. He encouraged Ianto to lean against his chest and as the broad arms protectively embraced him, Ianto did not fight back. He sought out comfort, in any form from any person. But there were few left in his life that were willing to give it. So when Jack was generous enough to sooth him, he didn't complain. He just accepted it.

Ianto let his head fall back on Jack's shoulder. He bit back a sob as he embraced the unfamiliar warmth. Last thing he wanted to do was break down in front of him again, showing his true self to the man that had so easily crushed him. But every fiber of his being ached and Jack's cuddle helped to relieve the ever present agony.

Jack softly brushed his lips over his forehead, barely a kiss but enough to show Ianto that he cared. "It'll get better, you know." Jack whispered. "After a while, the numbness goes away. I'm not saying the hurt will stop. But it will get better. But some things, like the drinking, cutting and lack of food and sleep … you need to control yourself. Stop yourself from going down further."

"I don't know how." Ianto managed to bring out whilst silent tears danced on his eyelashes.

"By taking one step at the time. I'll help you through this. But I'm not going to lie to you. I am worried. And I will be keeping a closer eye on you. Like a hawk. I'm expect you to eat with us and talk to me. And … when you can't sleep or feel the urge to harm yourself in any way, just call me okay? Just for a little chat. Or a shoulder. Or even a ride home when you're too pissed to drive yourself. I don't want you to be on your own and not having someone that looks out for you on those moments."

Ianto twisted his head to the side and he got a good look at Jack's exposed neck. When he took a deep breath, he could smell Jack clearly, clouding his mind but at the same time offering him the comfort he so desperately needed.

Jack felt Ianto's hot breath caressing him and shivered. He tightened the grip around the young man and placed his left hand on top of his heart. For the second that both men were silent, he could feel Ianto's heart softly pounding against his hand.

"Please sir … don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I don't want to cause you any further distress."

Jack drew circles across Ianto's belly, encouraged by the way Ianto leant into the contact. He could feel the tension leave Ianto's body just by touching him in all the right places. "Honestly, you're not doing too well are you?" Jack whispered.

"No." Ianto replied, a mix between a stern answer and a sob.

"Then lean on me. I'll make sure you won't fall."

* * *

Ianto snuggled on his couch, draping a heavy duvet around him. He held out a glass of scotch and was watching a movie. He was doing _anything_ to try and get his mind off the day he'd just had. All the attempts he'd make were in vain because no matter how hard he tried, he could not get that two things out of his mind. The return of the Captain and the presence of John Hart.

He shivered at the thought of John Hart. Something about him made his skin crawl. He did not know whether he was jealous or just blue. But he did not like the look and sound of him. The things he did, the way he walked and talked. Everything about him made him uneasy. "The ex," Ianto bitterly thought to himself. "And I'm the new lover. Or rather I was."

His hands trembled as he put the glass to his lips. He winced at the taste of cheap scotch – a birthday present from Owen, how very considerate – but the burning sensation of the liquid going down his throat felt good. "Fucking John Hart." Ianto shouted out.

He startled out of his thoughts when his cell phone rang. The words 'Cap Jack' flashed.

He swallowed nervously and took a deep breath, steadying himself for the call. The pair hadn't talked yet. Just exchanged a few pleasantries. But both men felt how heavy the tension was between them. Even though Jack had made sure that each member had a five star hotel room ready for them at the illusive Hilton Hotel in Newport, Ianto had declined this invitation. He hadn't been home in three days so there was no chance of meeting himself. And the mere thought of being within five feet of Jack sickened him. No luxuries in the world would convince him to stay there. If he was truly honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he was relieved. Relieved Jack was still alive and relatively well. He had also felt a twinge of ecstasy in that brief moment when Jack had told him he had come back for him. Just for a brief moment he had actually been willing to believed it. That was until he addressed the rest of the team. "For all of you."

Jack never knew how deep those words cut into him. He knew that for whatever reason, he alone will never be enough to keep Jack happy. No matter how hard he tried.

He was overcome with anger. A all consuming rage building up inside and burning him until there was nothing left. A rage that only a scorned lover could feel. An anger so ferocious he only had felt once before. The day that he found his poor Lisa on the floor in the Torchwood London building, staring up at him with blank eyes. Not quite human and not quite cyberman. He could not believe how careless those cybermen had been with precious life. Now, he could not believe how careless Jack had been with him and his colleagues.

So when he saw Jack's name flashing on his cell phone, he hesitated. But in the end, he decided to take the call. Old habits die hard and there was a part of him that was still loyal to their Captain. The same part that screamed loudly that maybe, just maybe, Jack really had cared for him.

With a sigh, he answered the phone. "Ianto Jones."

"Hey," a sad voice responded. "It's me, Jack. Mind if I drop by for a second?"

"Yes Jack, I do mind. I don't think that's a good idea. It's been a tough day and I just need some peace. I can't deal with you now." Ianto responded. He knew that his choice of words were not the right. But at that moment, he did not care. For once, he stopped thinking what others might think or feel and just concentrated on himself.

"I know it's been though Yan. I just wanted to see you. Wanted to know if you were okay. We don't have to talk. I know you're upset with me but … I'm struggling. Please, Ianto. I need you."

The fact that Jack begged on the phone made Ianto nervous. In the past, Jack had never called him before just for a talk. Usually, the Captain takes what the Captain wants. And now, he was asking. Not demanding or ordering, but asking.

The conversation fell silent for a while until Jack nervously laughed.

"I can drive by Blockbuster and pick up a movie. That way we don't need to talk. Do you still like those James Bond movies?"

Suddenly on Jack's end of the line a claxon blared loudly. Simultaneously, Ianto heard the claxon at the exact same time on the other end of his apartment.

"You're standing outside my door aren't you?" Ianto asked forcefully.

"Yes, I am."

"Why didn't you just knock Jack?"

"I didn't want to impose on you."

"That's a first."

"I guess I deserved that. Ianto … please?

"Jack, be honest. You do need to talk, don't you? I can hear it in your voice. You're not alright, are you?"

"No, Ianto. I'm not. I need you badly. But don't let that influence your decision. I'm a big guy, I can handle it. If you need time, I'll give you time. I'd wait forever."

"I appreciate that. But since you're here, you might as well come in. Jack, I'm buzzing you in."

"Thank you."

Ianto nervously waited in the doorframe for Jack to come up. It took longer than he had expected and was getting worried. Just as he was about to go down and look for him, Jack arrived at the last flight of stairs, out of breath.

Jack slowly looked up at him and noticing the worry, he smiled. "Lift's broken."

However, Ianto wasn't fooled. It's not like Jack to be out of breath just by walking a flew flights of stairs. He shouldn't be sweating, swaying on his legs and panting.

"Quickly, come in." muttered Ianto as he grabbed Jack under his arm.

Jack entered the apartment and was surprised to see a new décor in the room. "I like what you have done with the place. A lot more bachelor pad and less college dorm."

"Stop with the pleasantries Jack. What's going on?"

"First things first, I missed you Ianto." Jack said sweetly. He closed the gap between him and Ianto and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Ianto quickly backed away from him and gently pushed Jack away from him by resting his hands on his shoulders. "You … are … unbelievable."

"Sorry?" Jack asked, looking startled.

"You call me up after a day from hell begging to come over. Saying you need me! And the minute you get here, you're all over me? For god's sake man. I thought you were hurt! I thought that this time you actually needed me for something beside sex. I really hoped that you had changed just a little bit after that shit you pulled on us. But no, in the end I am just yours to take and throw away."

"Ianto, please no." Jack said whilst shaking his head furiously.

"What else am I suppose to think?" Ianto countered. The rage that had been present before was burning a hole in his stomach. He didn't even care that Jack was looking rundown. He didn't care. All warm and fuzzy feelings he had felt towards the man had been reduced to smoldering rage.

Jack reached out for his hand but Ianto quickly withdrew. "Ianto …don't think that. You mean more to me than just … I asked you out Ianto. I haven't done that in a very long time! That's got to count for something."

"And that makes it right? How do I know that you're just doing this to get back on my good side? Just another one of your schemes to get me to bend over?!"

"You know I wouldn't! You were NEVER just a shag Ianto! I may withhold information about certain things but I would NOT lie about how I feel about you. NO, never."

"Jack …Do you? Really? Then why did you leave like that? You treated me like I was nothing more than a castaway. Nothing more than an unwanted cat you shove out of the car when you're bored with it. And like the idiot I am, I come running when you call."

"You're not an idiot Ianto. Your gut instinct is right. I AM here for you. I wanted to talk to you, just see you. I'm sorry if I came on too strong but I can't help myself. I just missed you … so much." Jack said, more heated than he had wanted.

Tears were building up and threatened to fall. But he resisted. He needed to be strong, if not for himself than for Ianto. He knew the young man had already enough on his plate trying to figure out his own emotions without the added agony of knowing that Jack was on the verge of collapse as well.

"You said you'd wait Jack!"

"And I mean that. I'm sorry. I'll back off. I really did just miss you. I really did want to know if you were okay. I really did just want to see you." Jack softly whispered. He hadn't noticed he was trembling. He hadn't even noticed that the tears he had tried to hold back, were freely running down his cheeks.

"Oh Jack, if only I could believe you." Ianto responded, a little softer and kinder. He locked eyes with Jack and a twinge of sympathy went through him as he saw the shining tears on his once so handsome face. Ianto's rage subsided and was replaced by worry. Jack had never looked so pale and so grey. Not even when he was dead.

"Why don't you, sunshine? How can I make this right?" Jack murmured.

"Don't call me that and I don't know. I need more from you Jack. I can't be just another toy you play with. Not anymore. Not after what I've been through. I'm not expecting any promises but I need to know what the deal is between us. I can't be … just someone you turn to when you're bored."

Ianto knew that if he wasn't completely honest with him now that he would regret it. He wouldn't dare saying those things to him when he was calm. It just didn't seem rational. But now he wasn't calm nor rational. It was him being overwhelmed by raw emotion.

Jack let out a desperate sob. "You're not and you never were. Please, believe me."

"Then why did you treat me like one? You left Jack. Without a word. Am I not even worthy of one second of your time?" Ianto hissed.

"You're worth eternity, Ianto."

"STOP SAYING THAT! If you meant it, you wouldn't have done that! You didn't even realize what it would do to me. To us. Everyone!" Ianto countered, the rage building up again.

Jack wiped away a couple of lingering tears with his sleeve, sobbing as the raw material brushed over his chin. "I can't apologize enough. But please don't give up on me. At least hear me out. Hear my side of the story."

"Give up on what exactly Jack?"

"Please. I'll tell you everything you need to know. Just don't write me off before you hear all the facts."

Ianto snorted. "And you'll come clean? About everything?"

Jack lowered his eyes and suddenly seemed all too interested in a small spider that crawled over the wall opposite of him. "If I can, I will. I don't want there to be secrets between us."

Ianto frowned. Emotion stirred too close to surface and were overwhelming him. The pure confrontation between the two lovers. The anger, the hurt, the love. It was getting too much and it showed on his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes firmly shut. It was only when he tasted an all too familiar salty flavor on his lips that he realised he was crying as well.

Jack must've sensed this and in an attempt to lighten the mood, he gave Ianto his typical Harkness-grin. "And have I mentioned that you look awesome tonight?"

Ianto rolled his eyes and with a small smile took Jack's coat off his shoulders. "Settle down on the couch, I'll put the kettle on."

Ianto stayed put and watched Jack limp to the couch. He shook his head in despair and wondered what the hell had happened to the cheerful captain he had known before. He ventured into the kitchen. As he was pouring the water into the kettle, he let his tears of hurt and frustration run freely. Without Jack to see them, he could let his emotions out. He felt grateful that he had a small five minutes to himself before returning to Jack. He felt like a boxer who waited to get back into the ring for another round. "It shouldn't be this hard." he said to himself. Right before he walked back into his living room, he took a deep breath.

"Careful, the tea is hot." he warned as he offered Jack his cup.

"Jack gratefully took it and groaned as he took the first sip. "My god, how I missed tea."

"Your doctor didn't have any?" Ianto asked, immediately he regretted asking as a dark shadow fell on Jack's face. His eyes soon turned wet and a pained grimace replaced the relaxed expression he had sported mere seconds ago.

"Sorry," Ianto mumbled. "Didn't mean to upset you." Ianto carefully slid his hand over Jack's. Internally, he cursed himself for doing it. He knew he was being far too easy but something in Jack's eyes and conduct told him that Jack really did need him.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I'm too emotional. And you'll get sucked in before you're ready. And I plan on doing everything right this time."

"I won't, Jack."

"Yes you will. Ianto, you're just amazing like that. Always thinking about others instead of putting yourself first. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jack put his teacup down on the table in front of them and quickly got up. A shooting pain rushed over him and he groaned loudly, clutching his back.

Ianto quickly pulled him back down on the couch. "Easy Jack. You're not well."

He tried to sooth the Captain by running his hand over the sore spot. Much to his surprise, he noticed Jack trembling. He wrapped the duvet over Jack and softly brushed his hair backwards. "It's fine Jack. I want to be there for you. We'll sort out our issues later. But for now, lean on me. I'll make sure you won't fall."

Jack's eyes darted back to Ianto as he distinctively remembered saying those words to him, mere months ago.

Ianto smiled as he noticed Jack understood. "We have a history together. As friends before lovers. You helped me through the worst part of my life. Now let me ease yours." Ianto calmly said. He clapped his hands and continued talking, cutting short a sentence that Jack was about to utter. "Now, hungry?"

"Not really." Jack replied. "I know I should eat but I just can't be bothered."

"I'll defrost some pizza anyway. You always did like my deepfreeze pizza." Ianto replied, trying his best cheer Jack up.

Fifteen minutes later Ianto emerged from his kitchen, holding a platter with a steaming hot margarita pizza. He sat next to Jack, who was hugging his knees tightly and cradling himself. He offered him a piece and as he startled out of a daydream – or a nightmare- he reluctantly accepted the slice. Once his lips savored the taste of the pizza, he started eating fast. Devouring slice after slice, barely chewing his food before gulping it down and barely registering the burn that was forming on his pallet.

Ianto stared at him and watched in awe as Jack managed to swallow those big bites. "Erm, so not that hungry?" he laughingly asked.

"Sorry," Jack replied, his mouth filled with chewed up food and accidently spraying his lap with pizza, causing Ianto to groan. "I haven't had proper food in ages. It tastes so good."

"You poor thing." Ianto managed to say, angry and sad. "What the fuck happened Jack?"

Jack stopped all movement. "It's fine. I'll get over it." Jack said, trying to convince Ianto - and himself.

"How is it fine? You're in pain, malnourished and hurt." Ianto asked with a pained face.

"You're such a beautiful person Ianto. And I'm ashamed to say it took me a whole year apart from you to figure that out."

"A year? You've only been gone for three months." Ianto stated. He arched his eyebrows and wondered for a second if Jack wasn't just taking the piss.

"It's been a year for me. It's hard to explain. I met up with my doctor …"

Ianto held up his hand to stop him. "You don't need to tell me of you don't want to."

"Funny thing about that is … is that I want to. I want you to know. I need you to know."

Ianto nodded through a smile. "Thank you."

"I've gone through something … a year passed. After it happened, time seemed to have reversed itself to this point. The doctor, when he and I met up, there was something going on. Something bad and we had to stop it. We tried but we uncovered a bigger threat. A man called the Master. He tied me up in his basement and tortured me. Every day for a year."

Ianto's eyes widened in shock. "Why?"

"Because he wanted to break my doctor. And he used me to do so. I died so many times Ianto. And you … the thought of your voice, your attitude, your presence … helped me through it. I could just close my eyes and picture you and me alone, just talking on your bed, holding you whilst you sleep, holding hands as we walk through the Plass. It kept me from going insane. And just for that, you mean to world to me, Ianto Jones."

Ianto gulped. He saw Jack's eyes watering again and he pulled him into a protective embrace. "I'm here now. Lean on me. The bad guy is gone and it's just you and me. Hush, my baby."


	32. Chapter 32: Notsosecret

Note: Shameless flirting! For Candybree ... who has a couple of exams left to do and yet managed to inspire me to write this!!! Go on, you can do it! 4 more to do!

Reviews are always very much appreciated :)

* * *

**Not-so-secret**

Ianto slowly walked across the main area of the hub, fully knowing that a certain captain was watching him with lust-filled eyes. He smiled wickedly as he bent over to pick up a pizza box Owen had so carelessly thrown on the floor, putting on a private show for his attentive lover. He took his time to pick up the litter and throw it in the dustbin, making sure that Jack could see every graceful move he made. When he moved he made sure he licked his lips once in a while. Or brush his hand over his forehead. Or loosened up his tie a bit. All the little things he knew that could drive Jack wild. When he stood still, he made sure to shift his weight from one leg to another, moving his hips in a seductive way that only he could master. A smal whimper escaped his lips and he soon found pleasure in this game for himself, not just for Jack.

As he turned around, he looked up at Jack's office and locked eyes with the staring man. Jack blushed for a few seconds, embarrassed at being caught. His face soon lightened up as he saw the sly grin that his lover gave him. A smile that portrayed a whisper and promise for a sexy rendezvous in his quarters later on that day.

With a spring in his steps the Captain joined the rest of his staff in the boardroom. "So kids, what have you got for me?"

An hour later, the meeting was about to end. Owen beckoned Jack over to discuss the latest development in the weevil spray he was perfecting.

The conversation fell silent when Ianto came in the room, carrying two cups of coffee. He placed the white and blue striped mug in front of Jack and the cheeky 'life is a beach'- mug in front of the medic. With a polite smile he addressed the two men.

"Anything else I can get you Owen?" the young archivist cheerfully asked.

"Not really. Although I have some dry cleaning that needs to be picked up."

"Really? Might I suggest that you go fetch it during your lunch break? After all I'm sure the world of warcraft won't be destroyed if you miss one session …" Ianto countered, as dryly as he could.

"Oh Snap." Jack jokingly said.

"How about you, sir. Is there anything you want me to … do?" Ianto inquired. As he said the words, he leant forwards, seemingly looking at a report over Jack's shoulder, and placed his hand next to his. Not too close to touch but close enough so that Jack could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Oh I can think of a few things." Jack whispered.

"Such as?" Ianto replied with a husky and low voice.

"I don't know. I'm feeling kind of peckish. I wouldn't mind having something to eat…"

"Like a sandwich …sir?"

"Oh yeah, I could go for a bun … "

"Really?" Ianto asked, his voice a bit higher than before. "How about something to drink?"

"Oh I think my mouth is moist enough."

"You know," began Owen, startling the two flirting men out of their thoughts. "I am standing here and it's not like your code is hard to crack, pardon the pun."

Ianto quickly regained his composure. He straightened out his jacket, stood tall and with a clear and confident voice he spoke. "If there isn't anything I can get you then I shall go and leave you two in peace."

With a pride stride, Ianto Jones walked out of the boardroom.

Jack evilly glared at Owen.

"What?" Owen asked.

"Spoilsport." Jack muttered under his breath.


	33. Chapter 33: Owen's revenge

Note: this follows the previous chapter, not-so-secret. Owen gets his own back in the only way Owen Harper could. God, i love that guy when he's snarky.

I should be studying but instead i wrote fanfic. *sigh*

I wonder if there is "i should be studying but I ended up writing fanfic" page on facebook ... haha!

Anyway, review please! I'd like to know if it pleases you. Or not!

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**Owen's revenge**

Jack dropped his head on the desk with a loud thud. "Owww…"

With the back of sleeve he wiped his nose and sniffed loudly. He cringed as the taste of mucus filled his throat. He tapped his ear piece and groaned at the top of your voice. "Ianto? Do we have any aspirin left? I think I'm coming down with something."

"You were fine when I talked to you in the boardroom." Owen said over the comm. system. "Want me to come over and take a look at you?"

"No, it's just a cold. And I was speaking to Ianto so I'd appreciate it if you did not interrupt!"

"Oh I forgot. You get … grumpy when you're ill."

"I do NOT!" Jack shouted out, followed by another moan.

"Yes, you do sir." Ianto replied. "And yes, we do have some aspirin left. I'll dissolve the medicine in weak tea. I do know how much you hate the taste of aspirin."

"You're so good to me." Jack responded, weakly.

"Anything to keep you happy, sir."

"I'll meet you in the kitchen!" Jack exclaimed, a bit more cheerful.

Jack got out of his office and was attacked by the noise the girls and Owen were making. "Must you make be so noisy? My head is already bursting without you three making it worse! All you lot do is sit around and shout at each other. Get some bloody work done!" Jack ordered as he walked by them.

Tosh quirked up her eyebrows and Gwen snorted. Knowing it did not bode well to defy their boss when he was in such a foul mood, they both went back to their desks and resumed work. Owen however was carefully observing the Captain. "You sure you don't need a check-up Jack? You look someone's crapping on shit."

"Thanks. And no, all I need is some fucking peace and quiet from you lot."

Grumpily, Jack walked towards the kitchen. He smiled faintly when he saw Ianto standing by the waterboiler. "Always ready to make me happy. What on earth did I do to deserve you?" Jack said as he slumped his head lazily on Ianto's back.

"Oh I don't know. Save the world a couple of times?" Ianto replied with a grin.

He turned around and embraced Jack, soothingly patting him on the back. He placed a few kisses on Jack's neck and sighed contently. There was a certain pleasure he took from taking care of Jack. Not to mention that Jack always was a lot more openly affectionate when he was ill.

Jack groaned. Loudly.

Laughingly Ianto said "Owen IS right. You do get grumpy when you're ill."

Jack sneezed and suddenly Ianto felt this new wet sensation on his neck. His body tensed up and carefully but steadily he pushed Jack away. He looked at Jack with a face that can only be described as utter disgust. "You sneezed in my neck Jack."

"Sorry." Jack said whilst looking apologetic. Adorably apologetic.

Ianto held up his hands at the ceiling and rolled his eyes. Slowly he walked away from the ill man.

Jack pouted and Ianto just muttered one word. "Shower."

On his way to the bathroom Ianto came across Owen. "What's wrong with you then?" Owen asked after taking in that disgusted expression on his face.

"Shower. Need to get Jack's bodily fluids off me!" Ianto mumbled.

Owen grinned. "Owww. Trouble in paradise? You couldn't get enough of his bodily fluids in the boardroom."

Ianto growled and threw him the dirtiest look he could muster.

Owen chuckled happily as he approached Jack. Jack inquired why he seemed so much happier. And as he examined Jack – against his will- he told him how amusing he thought his last comment was.

"You do realize he's going to put you on decaf for a long time…" Jack cautiously said.

"Oh yeah. I'm aware. But honestly, it's worth it!"


	34. Chapter 34: Vanity and how to crush it

Note: short but funny. At least to me. Ah how many couples have had this fight before?! lol

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**Vanity and how to crush it**

Jack Harkness strode across the hub, seemingly glowing. His glittering eyes and sparkling smile lit up the room immediately, even more so than usual.

Ianto frowned as he saw the Captain approach. "You sure seem happy today." he stated.

"Oh yes, had a wonderful time down the shops this morning! Actually bought these pair of jeans. Aren't they just stunning."

Ianto glanced up and down Jack's legs, evaluating his latest buy. "Indeed. Quite stunning, the dark blue color is a perfect match for your coat." Ianto responding, slightly cringing at how camp the sentence sounded.

"Thanks." Jack replied, twirling around for his lover. "Just one thing … my butt doesn't look big in this, does it?"

Ianto smirked. Before he had time to think about the sentence he was about to say, the words tumbled out. "Not more than usual."

Jack's face drained of color and the glistening eyes suddenly turned dark.

A silence fell between the men, only interrupted by Ianto's nervous giggle. Just when Ianto thought the moment couldn't get any more tense, Jack turned on his heels and walked away.

Jack didn't speak to Ianto for the whole day, and dabbling … was postponed until two weeks later!


	35. Chapter 35: Game night

Note: based on a really crazy night. Names have been replaced with TW's staff in order to protect anonymosity!

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**Game night**

In a feeble attempt to enhance the bonding between the team members, Jack innocently proposed to organize a night of light entertainment. Just the members, a couple of games whilst chucking back a few beers. But despite the good intentions, a night out with Jack Harkness is never innocent, never light but always entertaining.

Owen woke up at around noon on his couch, a paper tissue stuck to his cheek. He chuckled as he realized that he had managed to get shirt off but only got as far as removing one leg of the trousers he was wearing. "Nice one, Harper!" he laughingly said to himself.

He lay on his back for a couple of minutes, staring at the ceiling and letting the daylight slowly wake his other senses. He evaluated the severity of his hangover.

"Dry mouth? Check."

"Red-rimmed eyes? Check."

"Sore throat? Check."

"Upset stomach? Check."

"Fatigue? Check."

"Headache? Check."

"Dizziness and vertigo? Check."

He knew this feeling far too well: a bitching hangover that will last at least a whole day and may even carry on to the next day.

He slowly got up. He swayed for a moment as the room began spinning dangerously before his eyes. He sat down again and waited for his apartment to come into focus.

He glanced around the room and was surprised to see how very wrecked it was. Empty bottles all over the place, shattered glass fragments scattered around the table, liquid dripping all over the floor and the ground felt surprisingly sticky underneath his feet. He was genuinely surprised that a mere five people can make such a clutter in very little time.

On the small table beside the couch there was a stack of Polaroid pictures. He held them in his palms and flicked through them. He glared at them for a couple of minutes and a sly smile crept on his face.

The first one portrayed a drunken Gwen trying to take her top off. Toshiko sat beside her a covered her mouth with her hand and sported a mock-surprise expression.

The second one incited a coughing fit out of Owen. He stared at the picture, touched the faces on it and brought his fingers to his lips. His eyes widened as the full meaning of the picture grasped hold of him. It was a very arty picture of two people kissing passionately and it would certainly win him a prize in the local photography contest. The most shocking thing about it was that the two features persons in the picture was himself and a scarcely dressed Ianto Jones "When did THAT happen?" Owen growled. "And how? I bet that Harkness had something to do with this!"

The next one showed Toshiko and Gwen kissing. Next to the lip locked girls sat Ianto, sporting a huge grin. He chuckled because this was one of the few moments he actually remembered.

He flicked through the booklet in silence, occasionally interrupted by a snort or a laugh. The last one however he glared at for minutes on end before laughing himself into a stupor. It revealed a topless Ianto, wearing only a black bra – probably Toshiko's – that was stuffed with apples. He sat on the couch with his legs seductively crossed, his hands cupping the 'boobs' and last but not least, he winked at the camera whilst giving the most sexy kissy face he could master at the time.

Owen was crying with laughter, tears streaming down his face in pure and utter delight. "He makes a great woman though."

He put the pictures down and got up. "Might as well get a shower."

On the way to the bathroom he noticed two apples laying on the floor. He stared at them for exactly two seconds before laughing hysterically. "Bloody brilliant!"

During the shower, there was one thing that was bugging him. All the pictures had two things in common: the presence of one member acting ridiculous and the absence of a certain tall, handsome and charismatic boss. Come to think about it, he was the only one who had persistently drunk water all night.

He thought harder and finally it all made sense. "Hang on! I don't even OWN a Polaroid camera so Jack must've brought it along. He must've planned the whole thing all from the start! Getting us pissed as fuck but himself stayed sober and enjoyed the show."

"Fucking Jack Harkness" Owen muttered angrily but the twinkle in his eye revealed a far more amused Owen than he would ever let on.


	36. Chapter 36: A lingering taste

Note: Co-written by the lovely and very talented Candybree. She's amazing y'all! So check her out!

Written for Lekta, who wondered how the kiss between Ianto and Owen in the previous story went.

Warning: This is one is a bit more explicit than any other bedtime story so be warned :)

AND I've noticed that the review count has surpassed the 200. Seriously, wow. You all rock. Keep them coming, I enjoy each and every one of them!

* * *

**A lingering taste**

"Okay team. It's two out of three games. Girls have won the last game SO this means that the boys HAVE to win this one. Win and you draw, meaning you still have a chance at the grand price of the evening … a week of no weevil duty. Lose and suffer the consequences. Now remember, winners get to choose the way the losers get punished." the captain paused for a second. "How I wished I was playing and not refereeing this." Jack said, with a huge grin. "Charades is the name and you all know the game. Boys up first."

Ianto picked a paper note out of a hat, containing the suggestions they would act out. He dramatically rolled his eyes as he read his task. "Two minutes right?" Ianto asked, glancing at Jack who immediately nodded.

Jack grasped the stop watch in his hands. "You can start when I say go …" He waited for a few seconds. "GO!"

Ianto started making frantic gestures, hoping Owen would get the clue. Unfortunately, the medic just stared blankly at the young archivist.

"Okay, music." Owen said, thinking aloud.

"Spice girls! No, erm Iron Maiden? Muse? Kaiser Chiefs?"

Owen's guessing kept on going for the full two minutes. Toshiko, a little tipsy, giggled all the way through. Gwen soon followed as she noticed Ianto getting redder every time Owen wrongly listed various bands that had nothing to do with what Ianto was acting out. Jack just sat back, enjoying a startled Owen and a pissed off Ianto.

"And stop …" Jack quietly said. "God, that was painful. This means the girls win the tournament!"

"It was The Village People, you cunt!" Ianto yelled at Owen.

"Well if that was the Village People, then you must be the drunk Village Idiot! How was I suppose to get that!" Owen shouted back, glaring angrily at Ianto.

" EVERYONE knows that the Village People sang 'Y.M.C.A!" Ianto retorted, throwing peanuts at the medic to punctuate every word.

"Hey, hey, calm down! Now come on, kiss and make up." Tosh said, smiling when both men shot her a dirty look.

Gwen's eyes glistened naughtily. She cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "Now there's a thought." she said. "Winners get to pick loser's punishment and that ... is quite a punishment."

Ianto dramatically rolled his eyes. "We in high school or something?"

"Winners chose punishment …" Toshiko sang teasingly.

"They are right." Jack stated. "Those are the rules you all agreed on."

Ianto and Owen both turned their heads to face Jack.

Ianto held Jack's gaze, expecting him to protest, but he just sat there grinning lecherously, holding his camera. This got Ianto thinking.

He observed the older man and saw his eyes glisten with pure and unadulterated desire. He grinned slyly and winked at the man. 'Game on Captain,' Ianto thought. 'The night just got more interesting.'

"Fine!" muttered Owen, an evil glitter crossing on his face. He took a hesitant step towards Ianto, not sure how the other man would react.

Ianto glanced back at Owen and met him half way. They stood inches apart and looked at each other awkwardly.

Ianto shrugged. He didn't really care much for Owen but there was something in the way Owen's eyes met his that spiked his interest. Maybe it was the way he nervously bit his bottom lip, causing his normally pale pink lips to turn deep red. Maybe it was twinkle in his eye that caught his attention. Or just maybe it was the fact that he had seductively licked his lips, making them glisten with pure delight and a promise of his taste.

Finally Owen moved forward and pressed his lips against Ianto's. Ianto half expected Owen to just peck him on the lips but that was squashed as he felt Owen shift and move closer, pressing his body against Ianto's whilst one hand travelled to the back of his neck and the other wrapped around his waist, holding him in place. He felt Owen's tongue gently caress his bottom lip, followed by a light graze of his teeth.

Owen closed his eyes, letting himself fall into the kiss and savoured the unique taste of Ianto. He could taste a salty and lime flavour on Ianto's lips, taking him back to the Tequila shots they did earlier, and his heart pounced at the sheer thought of what further delight his quiet friend was holding. Not to mention that the salty flavour gave him a wicked insight into what Ianto would be like, if they ever got further than mere kissing.

He opened his mouth and slipped his tongue inside, both men fully tasting each other for the first time. Owen relished the savoury experience of snogging the other man. Ianto reminded him of old school flavours, like almonds, champagne and figs underneath a pleasing and distinctly musky flavour.

Once Ianto saw Owen close his eyes he deliberately looked at Jack. Ianto locked eyes with Jack as he took control of the kiss, devouring Owen's mouth. He watched Jack just long enough to see lust fluttering on his lover's features before turning his attention back to Owen and their kiss. He groaned frivolously as he tasted Owen, a mix of old spices. He tasted earthy, like cinnamon, ginger and cumin. An ancient tang filled with wisdom and profoundness. He revelled in the pleasure of knowing that his lover was watching attentively, getting aroused at every moan, groan and touch. He heard Jack gasp when their mouths didn't quite cover each other whilst their tongues kept on caressing and exploring.

"More like kiss and make _out_!" Jack said, a flustered blush visibly creeping on his cheeks. He settled further back in his chair, taking a picture every once in a while, and enjoyed seeing his Ianto kissing another man. As he let his wishful eyes wander over the movements, he slowly unbuttoned the first buttons of his collar, relishing as the fresh air cooled down the hot skin underneath.

Ianto ran his hands over Owen's chest, feeling the toned muscles beneath the thin fabric of his shirt. He undid the push buttons on Owen's shirt carefully, taking the time to caress the exposed flesh as it was revealed. After reaching the last one, Ianto pushed the material off of Owen's body, not caring that it pooled on the floor. He brushed his fingers lightly over his chest, caressing as he travelled up Owen's body. He shivered as he felt every muscle on Owen's tight stomach twitch. He rested his fingers in the middle of his torso, seeking delight as he felt the strong heart palpitations underneath his hands. He lightly ran a finger over one of Owen's nipples, teasing it into a tight nub before pinching softly. Owen gasped, pulling his mouth from Ianto's and giving him access to his neck. Ianto more than eagerly complied, licking and swirling his tongue as he went down Owen's neck until he found a spot that made the other man shudder in his embrace.

Jack tore his eyes away from the two men as Ianto started kissing his way down Owen's neck. Jack knew when Ianto lightly bit Owen's neck because he would gasp slightly and make a small moaning noise that would go straight to Jack's cock, especially since he expertly knew what kind of sensations Ianto's kissing could elicit. He shifted uneasily on the chair, desperately trying to ease the tension of his straining erection. A small whimper caught his attention and he glanced over at the girls. He grinned but was not surprised to see a pink blush covering their cheeks as they watched their colleagues with lust-filled eyes. Both girls had collapsed against the couch, occasionally fanning themselves with a lazy hand. Gwen's mouth was slightly open and Jack could hear her panting superficially. Tosh on the other hand was biting on her lower lip so hard Jack was worried she was going to bite through it.

Jack's head snapped back to Owen and Ianto as her heard Owen cry out, not sure if he was crying out in pain or pleasure.

The look on Owen's face showed a mixture of pain and pleasure, ecstasy slipping through his half closed eyes. Jack relaxed back into the couch, fully aware of how painfully harder he was now.

Jack saw a smirk on Ianto's face as he pulled away from Owen's neck, leaving a dark red mark on his collarbone. He smiled against the base of his throat, a sweet and sly smirk Jack knew all too well. Ianto let his hands travel down to Owen's backside and gave it a hard squeeze, bringing their hips closer. They both whimpered as their aroused groins brushed up against each other.

Jack groaned softly as he watched Ianto push Owen against the table, sending the bottles of alcohol that were on top of it flying. A bottle of vodka splashed on the table, soaking Owen's trousers and dripping down his legs.

"I seem to have wet myself." Owen said quietly, as his already flushed cheeks turned bright red. Embarrassed, he pulled away from Ianto. The younger man looked down and sure enough there was a large wet spot around Owen's groin.

Toshiko and Gwen giggled, followed by Ianto and Jack bursting into a laughing fit as Toshiko managed to mutter out 'I'm sure it's not the first time your behind has been wet'.

Ianto quirked up his eyebrow and in his typical deadpan manner, he spoke. "Something I did perhaps?"

"No shit." Owen mumbled, pushing Ianto away slightly so he could escape. As he turned from the young archivist, he managed to graze Ianto's groin with his thigh. Fully noticing an impressive bulge, he locked eyes with Ianto. "Something I did perhaps?" Owen retorted, a smug grin plastered on his face.

Ianto shrugged. "Any dick will do." he said nonchalantly. He turned away from the stunned medic and looked at his lover who had clearly been enjoying the show. He swayed his hips carefully as he walked towards Jack, taking pleasure in the fact Jack couldn't help but watch him.

Ianto sat next to Jack, pressing the lines of their bodies together as he trailed gentle fingers up and down Jack's thigh, coming close to, but never quite touching the older man's groin.

"You sure had fun with Owen didn't you?" Jack flirtingly asked, his voice a little breathy.

"Yeah ... that was ... interesting." Ianto responded, a sly smile appearing on his kiss bruised lips, still moist and glistening.

"Didn't think you had it in you to let go of all of your inhibitions in public Jones, Ianto Jones."

"It's not that hard." Ianto retorted, amused by the way Jack shifted uneasily on his chair, obviously tortured by the gentle touches Ianto was teasing him with.

"Oh I beg to differ ..." Jack whispered huskily as he glanced at Owen's groin.

Jack leant in and whispered. "So what did he taste like?"

Ianto grinned, "Oh he tastes like you, only sweeter." he sang

"Who sang that?" Jack asked, a little startled and hurt.

"Teen rock band my cousin is into called Fall Out Boy." He smiled and searched for Jack's eyes. He looked into those blue eyes which he could so easily drown in. As he noticed apprehension on Jack's part, he met Jack halfway and brushed his lips against Jack's, his tongue slowly licking his lover's bottom lip. Huskily, he whispered. "I never did have a sweet tooth."

Ianto chuckled as he felt Jack smile against his lips.

Ianto pressed his lips firmly against Jack's as he was pulled onto the older man's lap, one of his hands running through his hair the other rubbing the sensitive spot just above Jack's hip. Jack whimpered and pulled Ianto closer, deepening the kiss at the same time. Their tongues battled for dominance but Ianto won when he ground his hips against Jack's. Jack bucked slightly, trying to find the friction again but Ianto suddenly released Jack from his grip as he got up from his lap.

"So what game are we going to play next?" He asked, walking away from Jack but still seductively swaying his hips as he moved.

He walked towards the rest of the team but not before glancing back at Jack with a wicked expression on his face. He chuckled as he saw his captain, trying to control his breathing, look back at him in utter surprise. Sensing Jack's disappointment at the sudden loss of contact, he fondly smiled.

"What is it?" Gwen whispered.

"Oh nothing…" Ianto responded in her ear. "I just love teasing my man." he added, not being able to wipe the smirk off his face.

"I like this side of you." Gwen continued. "Don't be afraid to show it more often. You seem so much happier."

Gwen placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, smiled at him and turned on her heels. As she spun, liquid spilt from her glass. "Whoops. Hey, anyone up for poker?"

"Strip poker?" a hopeful Jack asked.

"Not unless you are blindfolded and have your hands tied behind your back." Ianto replied. "Otherwise you'll cheat!" Ianto leant in closer and whispered softly, barely audible for Jack to hear. "Besides, I don't want to share you with anyone. And if I have you blindfolded and bound, the last thing I want to do is play poker."

Jack's eyes widened as he felt Ianto's swirling tongue caressing his earlobe. He shuddered but before he could retaliate, the younger man had already left his side again.

"Cocktease…" he muttered under his breath, not angry but more impressed and thrilled by his dominating lover. He never did like the completely submissive type.

"Won't he still cheat if it is regular poker?" Tosh asked.

"Yes, but at least he won't be gawking at your naked body _when _you lose." Ianto told her.

"There is no way I want Harkness' bare arse on my new couch. Anyway, if you guys want to set up for NORMAL poker, I am going to try and clean up my trousers a bit." Owen told them, walking to the kitchen.

"Wouldn't it just be easier if you put a new pair on?" Gwen asked.

"I'm too lazy." Owen called back.

"I want to sit across from Ianto!" Jack said gleefully.

"I'm not helping you cheat Swee- Jack!" Ianto replied, rolling his eyes so far back only the white was visible.

"Are you sure?" Jack winked. "I'll make it worth your while..." he added as he took his shoes off and , wiggled his toes in a ridiculous yet seductive manner.

"I thought we weren't playing strip poker." Gwen said, confused and not quite getting Jack's intentions.

"It's not strip poker if you start naked." Jack told her with a grin.

"Leave your clothes on Jack!" Ianto said, grinning like a madman.

"I thought you liked me out of my clothes!" Jack whined in reply.

"I do but only when you're spread out and willing on my bed." Ianto said, low and huskily but loud enough to make Gwen splutter in her drink.

"Ianto!" she cried out. "My god, I've never seen you so ..."

"Horny?" Owen asked. "Once you had Harper, you're changed forever."

Jack snorted. "Yeah ... it's you he's lusting after." Jack added, harsher than he had expected. He walked past Owen, leant in and whispered. "Probably has nothing to do with the fact that he had me down his throat an hour ago." the Captain hissed, surprised how easily he had lashed out.

"Wow Harkness." Owen said with a lazy grin. "Green sure isn't your colour."

Jack growled and wanted to give Owen his best retort but was distracted by Toshiko waving at them. "Come on lads. The night is young and I need a new pair of Manolo Blahnik's! Let's get this poker game started!"

The game was relatively uneventful. At least above the table.

Jack had kept his word and he did make it interesting for him and his lover. If he wasn't glancing lustfully at the man, he was licking his lips and winking obscenely at him. Once in a while he would reach out to Ianto, who had sat down next to him, and stroke his thigh. He brushed palm expertly over Ianto's hardening cock, teasing him with his feather light fingers.

Ianto let out a groan as Jack trailed fingers over his throbbing shaft. All eyes suddenly turned to him. Embarrassed and blushing, he muttered 'bad hand' under his breath, waving his cards in the air. Jack however chuckled.

"I need the loo." Jack suddenly proclaimed, hurrying out of his chair. A few moments later, Jack exited the bathroom and smiled as he saw Gwen and Owen laughing happily as they watched Toshiko fling a peanut in the air and catching it with her mouth, showing off her party trick. He loved watching his team so happy and so relaxed. As if the responsibility of Torchwood had lifted from their shoulders.

Just out of nowhere two hands pulled Jack into a dark corner. Breathlessly he felt a hot mouth kissing his neck passionately as if the other was trying to savour as much taste as he could. Jack smiled. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that it was Ianto who had so roughly grabbed him. Ianto ran his lips to his ear, licking the delicate skin of his throat as he went up. Jack felt Ianto's hot breath against his ear and an anguished whimper escaped his lips. The whimper was silenced as Ianto covered Jack's mouth with his own, flicking his tongue over Jack's teeth. He placed a last kiss on his lips, chaste and sweet before pulling back.

Ianto caressed Jack's face as he whispered. "Have I mentioned how beautiful you are to me?"

Jack looked back at his lover, genuinely touched by the words. Ianto fondly smiled as he saw his Captain struggling to find words. He kissed him gently and added "I didn't think so."

Jack embraced Ianto tightly, nuzzling his face on the familiar shoulders. Ianto's hands found their way to Jack's backside and he roughly pulled the older man closer to his own body.

Jack flashed Ianto one of his usual Harkness grins "Keep that up Jones, and I will be forced to ravage you completely."

"Is that a promise?" Ianto asked, caressing his lover one last time before going to sit on the couch. Jack followed suit, lowering himself onto Ianto's lap and straddling his thighs.

"Now you can't escape." Jack growled, gently biting and licking Ianto's ear.

Ianto shivered in anticipation and started pulling Jack's shirt out of his pants so he could feel bare skin.

"As if I ever could...or would." Ianto whispered back.

Ianto softly tickled the back of his spine but alternated the soft gesture with his nails digging sharply into his heated flesh, leaving no room for his intentions to be mistaken.

Jack smiled possessively and bit Ianto's neck hard, leaving a perfect imprint of his teeth on Ianto's skin. "Mine." he growled.

"Yours." Ianto responded, nearly panting.

"Oh god, don't you two ever stop?" Owen cried when he saw Jack and Ianto getting very cosy on the couch. "Get a room!"

Jack rolled off the couch and pulled Ianto with him. They stood up quickly, never losing contact, and left the room laughing whilst kissing and caressing each other's bodies.

"Did they just go into the kitchen?" Gwen asked, a grin shining through her teeth. "You saw what they did to the kitchen at the hub..."

"Oh god!" Owen moaned. "It's like they're teenagers and trying to see how much trouble they can cause!"

Toshiko grinned evilly. "Maybe they need something to cool them down?" she innocently said as she shook a bag of ice cubes.

"You're bloody brilliant Tosh." Owen replied as he quickly grabbed the bag and headed for the kitchen.

Before Owen even got to the kitchen he found both Ianto and Jack's shirts on the floor followed by a belt, though he couldn't tell who the belt belonged to.

Owen froze in his steps the minute he stepped over the threshold. He let his eyes wander over the topless men kissing frantically against his pristine white fridge. He gulped audibly as he saw the ecstatic expression on Ianto's face, seemingly so lost in the embrace that he could not utter anything but a string of welsh curses. A shiver ran down his spine as he noticed that Jack was sporting the same hungry look in his eyes. He felt his groin react as his eyes followed the curves of the perfectly toned abs of both men. Neither man seemed to have noticed the Londoner as they were both too caught up in their little world without a shred of control.

Owen regained his focus when the ice started to burn his hand. He grabbed a handful of the ice cubes and threw them at the heated lovers. Ianto winced when the cold ice hit his hot skin but Jack just laughed.

"Get out of the kitchen! That is just nasty and wrong!" Owen told them. "I EAT here!"

"Funny that's what I was thinking of doing." Jack countered, barely containing his laughter.

"Stop ... doing ... that...in...here!" Owen shouted, enunciating every word as he noticed that Ianto was still busy giving Jack a love bite on his chest.

Jack and Ianto both locked eyes and grinned. They both knew what the other was thinking. "Okay!" they both uttered simultaneously, right before hurrying up to Owen's master bedroom.

Just before they entered the bedroom Jack turned around and headed back to the kitchen. Owen was still standing in the same place and holding the bag of ice, jaw dropped to the floor in astonishment.

Jack took the bag of ice cubes from him with a grin. "Thanks, we might need these."

Owen groaned loudly and snorted as he heard Ianto shout out. "Jack, he's got silk sheets!"

Jacks eyes widened and, if possible, his grin got even bigger.

Owen's smirk soon faltered and his face drained of color. "Don't you dare Jack. Don't you fucking dare."

"Thanks for loosening Ianto up Owen." Jack said, roughly pushing his lips on Owen's. "And you should know by now, I_ always_ dare. Especially when it comes to fucking!"

Owen still stood there, open mouthed and shocked when heavy moaning sounded through the apartment. "Right." Toshiko started. "That's our cue. Gwen, share a cab with me?"

"Yeah, sure. Too pissed to drive anyway."

Both women waved goodbye at Owen. When he didn't respond, Toshiko jerked at his arm.

Owen shook his head. "I'm going to have to burn my bed, aren't I?"

"Yeah, I think so." Tosh whispered, barely holding back a laugh. "At least you have a very comfortable couch …"


	37. Chapter 37: Oh, I know you didn't

Note: another follow up on chapter 35, "Game night". Requested by WickedWitchoftheSE. I hope that this pleases you :)

BTW, there might be less updates now because i have exams in januari and i'm currently writting another TW story called "The day I stopped dreaming". Bare with me please, I will try and write a couple more though.

As always, reviews make me smile!

* * *

**Oh, I know you didn't **

Ianto lay contently and quite satisfied on Owen's 300 pounds luxury silk sheets, his legs and arms spread out across the four poster bed. He turned on his stomach and giggled shyly into the cushion.

Jack walked in, carrying a bottle of water and two glasses. "What are you laughing about?" he curiously asked as he filled two glasses. He handed one to Ianto and beamed as the young man eagerly accepted the refreshment.

"Jack … we just had sex on Owen's bed."

"Yes, we did." Jack answered, a devious smile plastered on his face.

"Jack … we were loud. VERY loud."

"Yes, we were. If I had known that silk sheets had that effect on you, I would've bought some a long time ago."

"Cheeky!" Ianto replied. "Black … it's a bit tacky though, isn't it?"

"Oh but only in the good way!" Jack countered.

"Oh god, Owen is going to be so pissed off." Ianto said as he pulled the older man into a hug.

"I wouldn't worry about it. He's passed out on the couch. I don't think he heard a thing. Or remembers anything."

Ianto laughed heartily, drawing lazily on Jack's thigh. "Should we tell him?"

Jack grinned. "Nah, it'll be our secret. Our dirty secret."

"He doesn't have a blacklight in this room, does he? Or else we are in trouble." Ianto asked, making Jack splatter out his water. "We weren't exactly careful, or clean."

"Jones, you are full of surprises, you are."

Ianto sat up on the bed and draped the sheets around him. He glanced at his naked lover beside him and relished the sight of Jack laying by his side with the moonlight caressing the lines of his toned body. Unknowingly, his lips curled up to a smile.

"You are smiling." Jack stated.

"Am I?"

"Yeah, I definitely see some grinning action going on."

"I've just never been happier." Ianto replied as he leant in for a kiss.

"Me too," responded Jack. "What do you say if we go home and snuggle in our own bed? It may not be under overly expensive black silk sheets in a romantic four poster bed but …"

"It's home." said Ianto, finishing his lover's sentence.

Jack nodded and smirked shyly. He gazed out the windows that bordered the room, overlooking a dark and restful Cardiff. "Home." he whispered.

Dressed and ready to leave, both men stepped out of the bedroom and closed the door behind them. Ianto had discretely removed any evidence of their encounter and even redressed the bed with new sheets and put the dirty ones in the washing machine.

"How considerate of you." Jack said.

"Least I could do. I did treat him badly last night."

Jack gave Ianto a peculiar glance. "He treats you like crap most of the time. You get him back one time and you feel guilty?"

Ianto shrugged. "I'd rather be on the receiving end than be the nasty one."

"Owen doesn't deserve a friend like you." Jack said as a dopey grin crossed his face.

"Shut up!"

They both huddled past a sleeping and snoring Owen. "Man, he's even louder than you are." Jack stated, barely containing his laugh.

"OI! You shouldn't talk. You drown out a small aircraft!"

"Don't exaggerate Yan!"

"Me? Never!"

Jack grinned as he saw something on the table that caught his eye. "I wonder how Owen would look with a porn-tash …"

He picked up a permanent marker and leant over the sleeping man. Seconds later, Jack withdrew to reveal a carefully drawn moustache above Owen's upper lip.

"Oh Jack, I know you didn't."

"Oh yes I did!" the Captain said, giggling and nearly falling over. "As a matter of fact …" he added as he bent over Owen. Once again, he stepped back and exposed his latest artwork. Across Owen's chest he had written 'Ianto's bitch'.

Ianto burst out in a laughing fit. Both men hurried out the door before their laughter would wake up the drunk medic. "Oh … we are so going to pay for that."

"Yeah Jack. We are … still pretty funny though!"

* * *

"HARKNESS!"

Owen's voice traveled through the hub, even drowning out the blaring alarm that announced his entrance. Funnily enough, no one could decipher if Owen's voice was angry or just amused.

"Jack bloody Harkness." Owen started. "I know you didn't."

"Didn't what?" Jack innocently asked.

"Where do I even begin?!" Owen said as he lifted his arms up in the air. "You sabotaged the night."

"What do you mean?"

"You made me kiss Ianto!" Owen blurted out.

"No … that … that was Gwen."

Owen pointed an accusing finger just between Jack's eyes. "You trashed my place!"

"No, that was … well everyone but me!"

"There is vodka on my carpet!" Owen firmly said.

"That was you!"

"Was it?" the medic asked, not sure if he trusts his own memories after last night's drink-binging.

"Yes, you knocked over the bottles on the table when Ianto was fondling you."

Owen's eyes narrowed. "Fondling?"

"How else did you end up topless on your couch?" Jack replied, wriggling his eyebrows.

Owen coughed, more as a way to cover up his snort.

"Gwen and Tosh were kissing as well!"

"They did lose the bet …"

"You made Ianto wear a bra! With apples inside!" Owen countered!

Jack grinned. "Well yes, oranges don't quite complement his pale chest."

"Jack, you … WROTE on me!"

"I admit. THAT I did do."

"You wrote 'Ianto's bitch' on me!"

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Because you were. I have pictures to prove it!"

Suddenly Ianto entered Jack's office, putting a direct stop to the conversation. He looked at Owen and he could distinctly still see the lines Jack had drawn on his upper lip. The skin around it was raw and red, probably because Owen had tried to get the permanent marker off his face.

He burst out in laughter and hurried to put down the cup of coffee on Jack's desk. Jack's eyes twinkled as they met Ianto's.

"Don't you laugh! He screwed you over as well."

"Oh he sure did." Ianto replied, grinning at Jack. "At least I was … comfortable."

Owen gasped. "You didn't."

His eyes quickly snapped from Jack and Ianto, both sporting an equal evil look. "Oh I know you didn't… in my house?"

"Relax Owen!" Jack said. "It was a good night and you were a great host. Now don't be a spoilsport and bring up all the shit we've done whilst drunk."

"You weren't." Owen countered.

"No, I wasn't. I can … control myself. Unlike the rest …"

"So basically you did nothing wrong and everyone else is to blame?"

Jack grinned. "Okay, I may have … egged people on … and took pictures…"

"You sabotaged the evening!"

"Sabotage is such a strong word … I prefer .. coordinated."

"The pictures?" Owen asked, a bit apprehensive about what the answer is going to be.

"They make nice Christmas cards. And of course leverage."

"Leverage? For what?"

"Well … remember that stack of paperwork that was due three months ago and that you still haven't finished?"

"Yeah …"

"I suggest you get to it."

"Oh … well played Harkness."

"Thank you."

Owen grumpily walked over to his desk and started his tasks. "I hate paperwork. I really do." he muttered under his breath.

"I'm going to get lunch. Anyone need anything from the store?" Ianto asked.

Gwen, Tosh and Owen all nodded a polite 'no' and Ianto left the hub.

Owen saw the young man walk down the stairs on the CCTV and thought about that kiss they shared. His lips, his hands and his taste. For some reason, he couldn't get him out of his head. Something was bugging him. Something he knew but could not quite put his finger on.

He jumped as Ianto's voice sounded through the comm. system.

"Owen? Now that I'm going out for shopping … where did you get those black silk sheets? They're exquisite!"

Ianto never got an answer. The only thing he heard was Owen screaming out 'HARKNESS!' followed by static.


	38. Chapter 38: Have yourself a merry

Note: Post- 'exit wounds'. How I dread writing these. But this one is very cute. And very Gwen-centric. Which is something I've never done before (new year's resolution?).

On a happier note, Have a merry merry merry Christmas!

* * *

**Have yourself a merry little Christmas**

Gwen turned off the computer and put the last report on the 'done' pile. She smiled fondly, thinking about her first Christmas eve as Miss Williams. Things could have been better, with the sudden loss of her beloved friends, but she found that stability was creeping back into her life. She hurt less and she didn't cry as often anymore. Sad memories were being pushed aside by happy ones. Like the way Toshiko always knew if something was on Gwen's mind, or how easily Owen could make her laugh. Those little things made her smile more often than they used to. And little by little she mourned them less and celebrated their lives more. She was just happy to have known them.

"At least I have them…" she whispered as she glanced over the hub and saw Ianto making coffee and Jack on the phone in his office.

She put on her coat and relished the warmth that it provided her. She softly hummed 'Jingle bell rock' as she found her way to Ianto, who as graceful as ever greeted her with a sad smile.

"I'm off Ianto." she said as she pecked him on the cheek. "Merry Christmas and don't drink too much eggnog!"

"Merry Christmas." Ianto responded. Gwen found Ianto a bit less upbeat than this morning. Curious, she wondered why.

"Everything ok, Ianto?"

"Sure, just busy working." The young man responded, trying to mask his heartache.

Gwen knew that Ianto wasn't one to openly talk about what's bothering him but over the course of the year, she had gotten to know him better. And she perfectly knew how to get read him and to work him, if she really wanted to.

"So, you going home soon?" Gwen asked, innocently.

"Uhm … might be a while tonight. No rest for the wicked as they say." Ianto replied, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

"Ianto … you are going home to your family right?"

"Eventually."

Gwen rolled her eyes. 'Christ, he really is the master of evasiveness.' she bitterly thought.

"How about tonight?" Gwen inquired.

Ianto smiled, but his eyes dulled a bit. "No, not tonight. Just me and Jack."

"Ianto … it's Christmas eve …"

"I know Gwen. Doesn't matter. Mum's out of town anyway so not really a place for me to go to."

"Oh Ianto, I am so sorry."

Ianto smiled bravely. "It's ok." he said. "Really, it's fine. This way Jack won't be alone. We both know he's had far too many lonely Christmases and surely there are more to come in his future." he added as soon as he saw the pitiful look on Gwen's face.

Gwen however wasn't fooled. She pulled Ianto in for a hug and didn't let go until he settled in the embrace. She softly kissed his cheek and whispered. "I'm so sorry Ianto. I know you're still hurting and I know how much you looked forward to seeing your family again."

Ianto broke off the hug and smiled at her politely. "Really Gwen, It's ok. There are far worse things than spending Christmas eve with the man that I love." he joked.

"Oh sweetheart, it's not fine. Jack's amazing but he isn't exactly the homely type. And I know you need a home to go to."

"Having you around helps Gwen, really. Please, don't worry about me. Have a nice Christmas."

"You too sweetheart."

Gwen hesitantly walked away from Ianto. Approaching her desk to pick up her purse, she turned on her heels and gave Ianto a resolute glance. "No." she said firmly.

"No?" asked Ianto, confused and a little bewildered.

"No," she countered. "As simple as that. No. I am not letting you have a Christmas at the hub."

"Gwen …"

"I said no, Ianto"

Ianto was slightly taken aback by the sudden angry glint in Gwen's eyes.

"No and I mean it. I am not having you or Jack be alone tonight."

"But how can we be alone if we are together?" Ianto asked jokingly.

"Jack!" Gwen belted out.

A hazy head popped out of the major office. "Yeah?"

"Get your coat." Gwen replied. "And that goes for you too Ianto."

"Where are we going?" Jack asked as he slid the coat over his shoulders.

Ianto shrugged whilst Gwen just beamed.

"We are going to celebrate Christmas. Even if it kills us!" Gwen responded.

"Gwen, really … don't worry about me. Or us." Ianto said, softly and barely audible.

"Of course I worry, you silly lamb." she countered. "You mean the world to me. So, I have decided that you two are both coming home to my place and spending Christmas eve AND day with Rhys and me."

Ianto carefully walked up to her. "You don't have to do this. I'm used to it. I don't mind."

"I know I don't have to. I want to. And I know you do mind!"

Gwen breathed a sigh. "Christ, you might as well be the little brother I never had. And after this year, we need to stick together. I want you there, sweetheart."

In the corner of her eyes, she saw Jack smiling profoundly.

Gwen looked at them both. "We are family. And you two are not getting rid of me this easily. Now get your arses in gear and put those damn coats on. Scarves, gloves and earmuffs as well unless you want to freeze off any body parts."

"Gwen … I don't want to be a bother."

"As if you ever could…"

Ianto sighed and looked at Jack, silently asking him if he knew what to do. When Jack just shrugged and nodded, Ianto gave up and went up to the tourist office to gather his things.

"So," Jack started. "If we are a family and Ianto is the little brother. Does that make me the daddy?"

"No," Gwen answered. "That would be creepy with all the things you do to Ianto. You're probably the family friend who can never keep his hands to himself."

Jack chuckled loudly and Gwen could not help but follow him in his laughing fit.

They both silently exited the hub and waited for the elevator to come.

"Gwen …"

"Yeah Jack?"

"I think this will be good for Ianto."

"I think so too boss. And you. This will do wonders for your foul mood. You'll see."

Gwen gave Jack a radiant smile which Jack eagerly returned.

"Gwen?"

"Yeah Jack."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."


	39. Chapter 39: Christmas with the Coopers

Note: Follow-up on the last chapter. Just because I felt I couldn't leave it at that. So at my own request, a sequal :P

Started out as a Janto- fic but turned into a Ianto-Gwen-friendship-fic. Weird how my mind works sometimes. Of course I couldn't resist adding a few cute Janto bits :)

Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated! (hint hint)

Happy Holidays!

* * *

**Christmas at Cooper-****Williams residency**

"Rhys?"

"Yes love?"

Gwen entered the living room and the first thing she saw, was her sweetheart standing in the kitchen, peeling potatoes and corn whilst wearing his usual 'shag me, I'm Welsh'-apron.

"Don't get mad …" Gwen started.

"Uh-oh, here comes trouble…" Rhys said as he watched Gwen suspiciously. Suddenly he rolled his eyes and gasped. "Please don't tell me you have to work tonight. It's Christmas eve!"

"No, no, no … not that." Gwen quickly responded. "It's just that … look, I know we've had our hearts set on celebrating Christmas with just the two of us but …"

Rhys' eyes widened as his face drained of color. "Your mother is coming?" he said, gulping audibly.

"No … no, definitely no. But I kind of asked Jack and Ianto to join us."

"What?" Rhys asked, dropping the potato.

Gwen hurried to the kitchen area and picked up the potato. "I know it's Christmas. And I was looking forward to spending it with just you but I couldn't Rhys. I really I couldn't. I had to. The poor boy …"

Rhys observed his wife and a worried expression caught hold of him. He held out his hands and softly took Gwen's. "Sugar, calm down. What happened?"

"It's Ianto. He had nowhere to go to for Christmas. His mum is out of town and he would've spent it at the hub if I hadn't asked."

"What? That big cold metallic thing. Probably with the boss then. Not really the 'ho, ho, ho'- kind of lad , is he?" Rhys replied.

"No, maybe the 'ho' type, if you catch my drift."

"I thought he was seeing Ianto?" Rhys inquired.

"Yeah but it's Jack. He goes after anything. Really, anything. So …"

Rhys dicing the potatoes. "So?"

"Yeah. I know it's a lot to ask, but do you mind if they stayed?"

"Of course not love. From what I've gathered, I think you could all use a little family moment after what happened. Especially Jeeves. It's not ideal but … t'is the season eh?"

"Jeeves?" Gwen asked, quirking up her eyebrow.

"The kid, Ianto. He's the coffee boy right? Always in a suit?"

Gwen laughed. "Yeah. That's funny, I've never made the connection."

"So … dinner for four then?" Rhys asked.

"I guess, let me help with the onions. Oh and Rhys … thank you. You truly are amazing."

"No worries lassie. I'd do anything for you. And for what it's worth, I think you're doing a lovely thing."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah Gwen, giving someone a nice Christmas? That'll put you high on Santa's list."

Gwen grinned. "I love you."

"Good thing I married you then!"

The buzzer sounded, making both jump up from their seats. "That must be them."

She buzzed in the boys and two minutes later, a small knock on the door alerted the newly weds. Gwen sighed, glanced at Rhys, who sweetly gave her an encouraging nod, and she walked up to the door. As she opened the door, her jaw dropped to the floor.

Jack was wearing a Santa's hat and a miserable looking Ianto sported a Christmas-themed tie, figures of reindeers, Santa's and decorated trees drawn on a red and green fabric.

"For you …" Jack began as he held out another red and green reindeer's antlers. "Thank you for your invitation."

"I hope Rhys likes beer." Ianto grumpily said as he held out a big brown paper bag.

"Yeah," Gwen responded as Jack entered the apartment. "Of course, he's Welsh."

She hugged Ianto who eagerly returned the embrace. "Jack made you wear the tie right?" Gwen whispered.

"Ahuh. Bloody bastard."

Gwen chuckled. "Well if it makes you feel any better, you look gorgeous in anything."

Ianto smiled. "Thank you."

Gwen took his coat and as she hung it on the coat hanger, she distinctively heard Ianto sigh. "Really Gwen, thank you. This means the world to me."

"Ha!" Gwen shouted out. "I knew you wanted a real Christmas."

Ianto smirked. "Well, we better get to our men, before Jack tries it with Rhys."

Gwen laughed but her face soon paled. "Right, you go ahead and abort his mission. I need to bring the ingredients in from the garage."

"Hey Rhys … nice apron." Jack said.

"Thanks … nice erm … coat."

"Oh Thank you. I love it. Great memories, long story." Jack responded, squinting his eyes so he could read what was written on the witty apron. He grinned and licked his lips lightly. "So … erm … is the invitation open for anyone?"

Ianto clapped his hands and forcefully walked into the kitchen. "Rhys! Hello! Thank you for your hospitality. So, need any help with the cooking?"

"Yeah, what can we do to help?" Jack asked.

"Oh that's ok. Why don't you two just lounge around on the couch."

"Oh you don't get rid of me that easily!" Jack proclaimed, a sly grin gracing his impeccable face.

"That's true," Ianto said. "Believe me. I've tried."

Jack let out a yelp of surprise, held his fingers spread out on his chest and gave Ianto a mock- surprised look.

Gwen stood in the doorframe, holding out bags of groceries and she watched her three favorite men in the whole universe conversing and generally mucking about in her apartment.

'This is going to be an interesting Christmas.' She thought to herself. She smiled but it soon faded as she realized there was one thing missing. Well not so much one thing as two persons.

She stared into the distance and thought of Owen and Toshiko, who would have loved the chance to see the scenery in front of her. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Ianto slipping away from the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" Ianto whispered to her. "You seem so far away."

"Yeah, I was just thinking … of Tosh and Owen."

"About them," Ianto started. "Would you mind putting this up somewhere?"

Ianto gave her an envelope. She opened it and pulled out a beautiful wintery picture, of the a typical Welsh valley covered in snow with a small and beautifully decorated house. She looked at Ianto questioningly.

"Open it."

As she did, she gasped. Her eyes wandered over the beautiful calligraphy, displaying words that could only describe her own feelings.

'_To Toshiko and Owen, _

_Even though our paths have parted, our thoughts will always be with you. _

_Merry Christmas.' _

"Ianto … this is exactly what I was thinking." Gwen blubbered, eyes wet with unshed tears.

"Gwen, no. I didn't want to make you cry." Ianto said as he hugged Gwen. "Please no, I don't want to ruin your Christmas."

"Oh sweetheart, no. This is a good thing you did."

"Oi! You two! That's my wife your canoodling with!" Rhys exclaimed whilst sporting the biggest grin he could muster.

"And that's my man!" Jack added.

Gwen and Ianto both laughed heartily and felt the tension and emotion slip away.

"Are you ok?" Gwen asked silently as they both walked towards the kitchen. "You just seem sad, more than usual."

"I'm fine. Just … you know. The holiday season. Makes me think about … everything I want and don't have. Silly really."

"There's Jack. And me and Rhys. You've got us." Gwen said. "Think about it."

She winked and started chopping up vegetables. "Jack, Ianto … could you set the table. Cutlery is over there and candles in the cupboard. Go on … get to it."

* * *

"Pass the potatoes please." Ianto asked, visibly more cheerful than before.

"Here you go." Rhys answered as he passed the giant plate over.

"Everything tastes so good. Really good…" Jack said, stuffing his mouth.

"Erm Jack, in this house we chew with our mouth closed. Tightly closed." A disgusted Gwen proclaimed.

"Yeah good luck with that," Ianto said, grinning from ear to ear. "I've tried. And failed. Miserably. Table manners are a foreign language for him."

"Hey!" Jack shouted out, a piece of meat falling out of his mouth and onto his sleeve. "Oops."

Suddenly, Ianto's phone starts ringing.

Jack cleared his throat. "Should I point out the irony?"

Ianto stuck out his tongue at Jack, causing the others to giggle.

"It's mum. Sorry, I need to take this."

"So, what new interesting aliens have you guys come across?" Rhys asked.

'Oh there was one who shed it's skin every three hours. That was an interesting one." Jack said.

"Not so much for Ianto, the poor lamb had to clean up after it." Gwen countered.

"Oh yeah, he was in such a bad mood for the whole stay. Eventually the only thing they wanted from earth was a good moisturizer!" Jack responded, tears filling his eyes from laughter.

Ianto's head popped out of the doorframe. "Guys, I'm going to take this outside okay?"

"Okay love, take the keys so I won't have to buzz you in again!" Gwen shouted after him.

Twenty minutes and a dozen stories later Gwen, Rhys and Jack were busy clearing the table. Everything was going swimmingly well. They were laughing hard – so hard that Rhys squirted out his wine through his nostrils- and sharing stories. The previous jealousy that had existed between Rhys and Jack had ebbed away – or at least chilled for the holidays.

Gwen noticed Ianto still hadn't returned so she decided to go look for him.

"Be back in a second." She said.

"You trying to get out of the dishes?" Rhys asked grinningly.

"Typical women!" Jack exclaimed, followed by Rhys laughing.

She stepped out of her apartment, descended the stairs and opened the front door. She needn't look further as Ianto sat on the doorstep, still on the phone and his trembling hands held a lit cigarette.

This can't be good, she thought.

She sat down beside him and noticed a trail of tears running from his cheeks. This definitely isn't good, she thought.

Gwen sighed and patted him gently on the back. Ianto looked sideways and gave her a brave smile. "What's going on?" she asked.

"It isn't Christmas until someone's in tears." Ianto responded, trying to make light of the situation.

"Mum, please don't say that. I'm your only son … it's Christmas mum. How can you call me up and tell me I disappoint you?"

"Oh Sweetheart." Gwen whispered.

"Mum please. Lisa didn't leave me, she died. I told you this. Why do you always do this? Call me up drunk as a skunk and bring up the past."

"I know you liked her … but she's dead mum. I'm with someone else now. A man, mum. Do you even care?"

"Ianto … come on. Hang up." Gwen said. "Hang up!" she continued, more forcefully than before.

She took the phone in her hands and closed it, ending the conversation.

Ianto remained silent, rubbing his head with his hand and occasionally taking a long drag of his cigarette only to let out a ragged breath.

"Are you ok?" Gwen cautiously asked. "Want me to get Jack?"

"No, it's fine." Ianto responded as he wiped new tears away. "I was stupid to think this might actually be a nice Christmas. Every year the same story. Ever since dad died."

"I'm sorry Ianto."

"Don't be. Not you. You're the only person who actually tried to make it better this year."

Ianto snorted. "Then again, it's not like many know. Or care."

Gwen encouraged Ianto to lean against her. As he did, she draped her slender arms around him. Kissing his cheeks slightly, she murmured sweet little nothings on his ear.

"The night's still young. We could still have so much fun but it's up to you." Gwen whispered.

"I guess. She'll call again you know."

"Then turn off the phone. Ianto Jones has left planet earth for the night."

Ianto giggled but the sound didn't seem right. "She feels better after shouting at me."

"Shame you end up feeling like crap." Gwen angrily countered. "Let her be. Take care of yourself instead of others."

"I don't know. She needs me." Ianto said. "Even if it is to hurt me."

"And she's your mother Ianto. She should be taking care of you, not the other way around. Besides she left you on your own for Christmas. That gives you the right not to give a toss. In fact, I'm taking your phone and you are not getting it back until tomorrow morning when you are allowed twenty minutes to return your texts and missed phone calls." Gwen retorted, slipping Ianto's phone in her jacket. "Now come back inside. My arse is numb from sitting here."

Gwen and Ianto both entered the apartment and were greeted by laughter … and Rhys singing 'Santa baby', complete with moves and a little sexy dance.

Jack sat in front of him, or rather lay in front of him, hands resting on his hips and laughing until tears run down his face.

"Oooh just in time for Rhys' sexy dance." Jack managed to say in between laughs.

"Ah well, that will have to wait. If you excuse me, I have to release the dragon." Rhys said as he walked off, a little unsteady on his feet.

Ianto sat down next to Jack and kissed him. "Aww what's that for?" Jack asked.

"No reason, for being you." Ianto responded.

"Where's Rhys off to? What dragon?" Jack inquired, slurring his words.

"Bathroom. Have you been drinking Jack?"

"Oh yes, chugging contest with Rhys. Boy can he drink." The Captain said, followed by a loud belch.

"Charming." Gwen said as she hastily picked up a couple, but not all, empty cans of beers.

"Hang on, he's got a dragon in the bathroom?" Jack asked, eyes wide open in surprise.

Ianto laughed loudly whilst Gwen just sighed. "He's off to take a dump Jack!" Gwen shouted out.

"Hey, you ok?" Jack suddenly asked. "You've been crying."

"I'm alright now. Don't worry." Ianto responded, kissing Jack again.

"They're really lovely aren't they?" Jack stated.

"Gwen and Rhys? Yeah Jack, they really are."

"I guess this is what Christmas is all about." Jack said. "Spending the night with those you love, even if they aren't your real family."

Ianto smiled. He looked over at Gwen in the kitchen, busy clearing up the last pieces of food. She was joined by a smiling Rhys. He hugged her tight and kissed her. Ianto noticed Gwen smiling into the kiss.

Then Ianto looked beside him, at Jack. He was busy making a tower with the beer cans. He pouted as they fell down.

"Yeah, definitely family." Ianto whispered.

Jack grinned and leant in for another kiss. "Merry Christmas Ianto."

"Merry Christmas Jack."


	40. Chapter 40: Coffee anyone?

Note: short but funny. Not my best but that is down to the severe lack of caffeine in my body and the huge amount of studying that I have to do. However, I got inspired so I just had to write this! So, for my dear readers, I will have to - probably- study until 5 in the morning so I hope it is to your satisfaction. Cheer me up with tons of reviews?

* * *

**Coffee anyone?**

Owen came into the hub, looking grumpy, worn out and hung-over.

Jack snorted. "Rough night?"

"No," Owen replied, smirking. "On the contrary, I had a BRILLIANT night. Just a rough morning …"

"So, just like any other day huh?" Ianto asked, more like a statement than a question.

"Alright, Mister Sarcasm. What's your point?" Owen inquired.

"Well, just that I've seen you more hung-over than well… sober. Maybe … just maybe … you might have a teensy weensy alcohol dependency problem." Ianto replied.

Owen scoffed. "You shouldn't talk tea-boy! How many coffees have you had today?"

"I … what … I … only two …" Ianto managed to utter, stammering like a nervous schoolboy on his first day.

"Hmmm since?"

"7 this morning … mother Owen!"

"Ianto … it's 7.45 …"

"Meaning?"

Owen frowned. "Meaning that you might have a teensy weensy caffeine dependency problem."

Ianto nervously fidgeted with the seam of his impeccable suit. "I certainly do not!"

"Okay Ianto. I'll make you a deal. You give up coffee for the week and I give up drinking for a week. Winner gets to choose loser's punishment. Deal?"

Ianto glared defiantly at the older man. "Deal."

Jack tutted. "This is going to end in tears …"

Jack followed Owen into the autopsy bay. "Why oh why on earth did you do that?"

"What do you mean?" Owen asked innocently.

"Making that bet. You know you don't have an alcohol problem."

"I know Captain!" Owen responded as he mock-saluted Jack.

"You're just doing this to make Ianto suffer!"

"Yes I am …" Owen answered. Jack threw him an evil look and Owen scoffed. "Hey, don't give me that look. HE is the one that started this."

"That's true."

"HE is the one that said I have a problem. Oh wait, a teensy weensy problem as he so eloquently put it."

"That's true. But you're going to win anyway, I mean, he has to make coffee for everyone. He is always confronted with the stuff whilst you aren't. So he has a lot more temptation!"

Owen laughed. "I know, that's the brilliance of my plan!"

"You're a right prick Owen."

"Yes, Captain. I am."

"But I guess he did start this …"

"Oh yes he did Jack. Yes he did."

Jack sighed, stuck his tongue out at the still laughing Owen and walked away.

* * *

Jack exited the boardroom that overlooked the main area of the hub. He leant up against the railing and looked down upon his staff. He smiled as he saw Gwen and Toshiko huddled together and working on their current project. From afar he could just make out Owen who was busy cutting open a body they had found in an abandoned warehouse. He could hear him sing along to the loud music.

Funny, he thought, last week it was the Red Hot Chili Peppers, now it's the Kaiser Chiefs. I do like this one.

He hummed along to 'I predict a riot' but stopped as soon as he saw something that tickled his fancy. Not something, rather someone. A gorgeous Welshman dressed in a stunning deep navy suit that just followed his graceful silhouette perfectly.

He sighed at the perfect image and thought deeply. 'I swear sometimes I consider the possibility of Ianto buying fabric at the alien market. That suit just fits him far too well.'

He frowned as he saw Ianto's posture slumping a bit. 'That's weird, usually he is always so … perfectly mannered.'

He closed his eyes as Ianto's voice travelled through the hub.

"Owen, do you mind turning the music down a notch?" he asked whilst pouring out the coffee.

"WHAT?" Owen responded.

"Do … you … mind … turning … down the volume?" Ianto once again asked patiently. He smiled as Gwen and Toshiko thanked him for the coffee. He curtsied elegantly and waved his hand above his head in a very Victorian gentleman – manner. The girls laughed at this and Jack smiled as he noticed Ianto himself smirking. This was short lived as Owen once again shouted out 'WHAT?'.

"MUSIC … DOWN!" Ianto said once again, this time louder and less patient. He grabbed the last cup of coffee and intended on heading upstairs, towards Jack.

Owen popped his head out of the autopsy bay and grunted. "WHAT on God's earth are you saying?"

Ianto screwed his eyes shut and without turning towards Owen, he shouted on top of his lungs. "TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC OFF!!!!!!!!!!"

The girls both startled out of their concentration and Owen actually took two steps back.

"All you needed to do is ask …" Owen responded, an evil grin plastered on his face.

"I was, you dipshit!" Ianto muttered underneath his breath. He walked up the stairs and was greeted by a frowning yet grinning Jack.

"Here's your coffee." Ianto said hastily.

"Thank you."

"Jack, can I ask you something?"

"No Ianto, you cannot have a sip of my coffee. That would be cheating."

Ianto growled. "Not what I meant.

"Did you just growl at me?"

"Yes, I did. Problem with that, SIR?"

"No, wouldn't dream of getting on your bad side right now."

"What's that suppose to mean Jack?"

"Don't get defensive Ianto-boo. Just saying that you're a bit … grouchy."

"Ianto-boo?" Ianto exclaimed.

"You don't like it?"

"No! Besides, I'm not grouchy. Just tired. And I have a headache."

Jack scoffed. "Oh my god," Jack laughingly said. "Owen's right. He is soo right"

"Sorry?" Ianto asked, his eyelashes fluttering.

"You do have a caffeine addiction!"

"I most certainly do NOT!" Ianto replied, clenching his fists.

"Let's evaluate … tired, headache, mood swings … and oh my baby, you're shaking. You are actually shaking!" Jack said, pulling Ianto in a comforting hug.

"Don't call me that!" Ianto barked. "And … I'm just …."

"Shh! It's fine. I already knew this about you … even if you didn't, my grumpy sunflower? That better?"

"No! Christ, Owen is going to have a field day with this."

"Oh yes Ianto … he sure is."

"I certainly am …" a voice behind them said. They both turned to face the medic. Ianto groaned loudly when Owen dangled a bright yellow thong from his fingers.

"I've figured I'd already think about the punishment you'll have to do WHEN you lose."

"What's that then?" Ianto asked.

"Wearing this … and I do mean only this, for a whole day."

Jack laughed loudly and Ianto punched him in the arm to silence him. "You're joking!"

"No, I'm not. But I'm not mean. It gets quite cold in here. So I guess you can always wear your jacket …"

Ianto groaned and buried his face in Jack's neck. "Oww don't worry Ianto. You do have the firm butt to pull that off!"

Ianto groaned again and walked away. Jack could clearly hear him mutter the words 'just 6 more days' under his breath.


	41. Chapter 41: Opportunity knocks

Note: ANOTHER chapter! Who loves ya?! Show me some loving as you push that sweet little 'review' button. :P

Coffee and biscuits all around for being so damned amazing!

* * *

**Opportunity knocks on Jack's door**

Owen and Jack were sitting huddled together on the couch discussing Owen's recent findings of the autopsy. They had found this weird looking creature; he had two horns, three eyes, no nose and impressively big ears. It was also twice the size of Owen. Unfortunately they were too late to save the poor creature and they had found it dead in it's hiding place. They were all saddened by the fact that they once again couldn't save a creature of this universe.

However, the last feature of the alien had Jack in giggles as he saw the medic struggling to get the alien on the autopsy table. Twice his size and weight, the medic huffed and puffed as he dragged that poor creature onto his table.

Even whilst it rested in eternity, the creature still fascinated our dear Captain. Jack would've guessed that it must've been a picture of the latest JK Rowling's creations if it wasn't for the fact that he had seen it for himself. And poked it multiple times.

"So," Owen said. "The creature of unknown origin has two hearts and two livers but no digestive system. How they are able to get nutrients is beyond me."

"Maybe they get if through their respiratory system. I knew this girl once, amazing tits and GREAT ass, who actually …" Jack's voice trailed off when he suddenly got distracted by Ianto passing by.

Owen sighed as this wasn't an extraordinary thing. Jack always got distracted when Ianto was around but this time he found himself staring at the younger man as well. It wasn't the suit that grabbed his attention. Neither was it the pink shirt. It wasn't even the multiple sacks Ianto was holding nor the stuffed pockets that held his gaze. No, it was merely the fact that Ianto Jones was sporting a rather impressive bulge around his groin area.

Owen shook his head and felt his cheeks reddening up. "Christ," he mumbled. "He's even managed to corrupt the poor sod."

He looked sideways to Jack and dramatically rolled his eyes as he saw the hunger in his boss' face.

"I'll be back in a second …" Jack said a little bit breathy.

Jack followed Ianto into the small kitchen, his greatcoat billowing behind him as he strode.

Silently he leant against the kitchen door and watched Ianto – his beautiful boy – unpack the groceries. He coughed as a way to announce his presence.

Ianto didn't say 'hello', nor did he kiss him. He just paused in his movement and gave him a sweet smile.

Jack shifted his weight to his other hip, fully knowing that Ianto adored the way he could swiftly sway his hips, and eyed Ianto up, slowly glancing from head to toe. "You know, this might sound like a cliché but is that a banana in your trousers or are you just really happy to see me?" Jack said, flashing his characteristic smile.

Ianto felt his knees buckle as he received that smile. Bastard, he thought, he damn well knows I can't resist that gorgeous smile.

"Well sir," Ianto began as he elegantly slid his hand into his trousers. "Would you be disappointed if it were to be a banana?"

Ianto jiggled his hand in his pocket, only to elicit a groan from Jack.

"Very." Jack answered.

"Then I must profusely apologize." Ianto said as he slid his hand out of the pocket and held up a banana.

Jack chuckled and shook his head. "Why oh why would you put a banana there?"

"I was saving it for later." Ianto replied politely. "Banana's are good for you. Great source of potassium."

Jack smiled sweetly but then frowned. "What did you say?"

"Banana's … potassium … healthy." Ianto repeated.

"Okay, that is odd." Jack said laughingly. "Really odd." he added as he glanced at Ianto.

"Why is that, Jack ?"

"An old friend of mine used to say that as well."

"Hmm an old friend huh?" Ianto said. "Was he as gorgeous as me?"

"Oh yes!" Jack answered enthusiastically.

"Hmmm really. Your doctor maybe?"

"Yep." Jack replied shamelessly.

Ianto threw Jack a dirty look – dirtier than he had wanted – and sighed. "Some things never change."

Jack grinned and crept closer to Ianto. He slid his hand up his arm and softly caressed his shoulder, loving the way the muscles felt underneath the light touches. "Jones, Ianto Jones. Is that the green eyed monster that is making an appearance?"

Ianto scoffed sarcastically but didn't pull away from the touches. "Why would I be jealous of the man that made you leave us without so much as a warning or goodbye."

Jack flinched. The words seem to cut deep into him, even though it was months later. "Ianto …" he sang.

He waited until Ianto looked at him and as Jack held his gaze, he leant in and murmured in his ear. "I may have left for him but I came back for you … "

He lowered his hand and rested it on the base of Ianto's spine, gently stroking his back. He tenderly raised his other hand and caressed the side of his lover's face. "And that will never change. My duty may keep me from you. I can't promise you I'll never have to leave again. But this I promise you … I will always fight my way back to you. Always."

He placed a small kiss on Ianto's forehead and softly whispered 'always' once more.

He turned from Ianto and left the tiny kitchen, leaving a flustered and smiling tea-boy behind.


	42. Chapter 42: Falling

Note: Right, inspiration struck so my muse forced me to write this down (even though I should be preparing for my health psychology exam!). So this is for you, my sweethearts ... my darlings ... my cariads!

Get ready to "awww" big time because this is majorly fluffy!!!

Reviews always put a smile on my face so care to turn the frown upside down of a worn out and panicky student?

* * *

**Falling**

"Now, where were we?" Jack growled in anticipation as he strode towards Ianto, swaying his hips slowly.

"I believe we were left half naked in your office whilst Owen barged in without knocking. You were picking up our clothes off the floor and I just stammered. Owen was busy cursing … and blushing heavily. If my memory serves me correctly of course." Ianto replied. "Please say it doesn't." he quickly added, a hopeful look in his eyes.

"That did happen … and not exactly what I meant …" Jack said as he unbuttoned the top of Ianto's shirt. He placed a tentative and rather sloppy kiss on Ianto's neck and smiled into it. "Again I ask, where were we? Ah right, I was worshipping your neck. Now, where is that special place that you like to be kissed?" he added as he kissed his way down his lover's neck to the base of his throat. He felt Ianto shudder underneath his kisses as he nibbled and licked just above his collarbone. "Ah … there it is …" he murmured, loving the way Ianto melted beneath his carefully placed hands.

Ianto softly and absently rubbed circles in Jack's hair, relishing the touches his experienced lover was showering him with but his thoughts were miles away. He let Jack's rhythmic caresses pull him into a hypnotic and almost catatonic state.

"Ianto … you could … erm work with me…" Jack nervously said. "It is a lot more fun when we both put some effort in it."

"Huh?" Ianto said, feeling embarrassed at being caught and not quite sure what was really happening around him.

"Sorry, am I not interesting enough?" Jack said indignant.

"No … sorry Jack, of course you are. I was just miles away."

"What's wrong Ianto?"

"Nothing. Really I'm fine …"

"Ianto …" Jack sang. When that didn't get any response, he brought his lips to Ianto's cheeks and kissed him sweetly. "Come on blue eyes. Spill the beans. I know something's up. You're normally a lot more … enthusiastic …"

"Jack, really. Everything is just fine."

Ianto leant in and met Jack half way for a mind-blowing kiss.

In between kisses, Jack pulled away. "Oh god Ianto, I'm so sorry."

Jack pulled away completely and started whacking and slapping Ianto's trousers.

Ianto yelped and laughed at the same time, startled and amused at Jack's sudden behavior.

"What on earth are you smacking me for? And my legs for that matter!"

"Just … putting … out … flames …" Jack said in grunted, as if strained by exercise. "Pants .. on fire!"

Ianto laughed heartily. "You calling me a liar?"

"Just a bit yeah." Jack replied, a big fat grin plastered on his face.

"You cheeky bastard." Ianto muttered under his breath but never taking his eyes off of Jack.

"Come on … get on with it. Tell me what's wrong." Jack pleaded as he pulled Ianto close to him. He gave Ianto his best 'I'm the cutest puppy in the window shop'- look and added softly: 'Cariad …'

He let the word linger as he gently placed a kiss on his cheek. He stroke the side of Ianto's face and internally gasped as he saw an unmistaken fear in those bright blue eyes he had so willingly wanted to drown in.

"Hey … Ianto?"

"It's me Jack. We've just been spending so much time together. And doing all this stuff." Ianto nervously said. "And it's all so amazing. I never thought I'd be so delighted to be in the company of another person again. Not since … Lisa."

"Ahuh" Jack murmured, encouraging Ianto to go on whilst his light fingers caressed his clothed hip as if they were playing a silent but harmonious tune.

"And then there was you. You were and are so kind to me, beyond words and beyond of what I deserve. Even now, there is only you that I'd really want to spent a night with. Not just fooling around, but also the regular stuff. Like a good conversation, a movie and even work. And it scares me … so much."

"It's okay Ianto. After living centuries, there is little that truly scares me. But the prospect of getting so close to another person … to actually like someone that much … to perhaps … eventually love them … still terrifies me. So I understand."

"Jack, do you get what I'm trying to tell you? I think … I think … I might be … falling for you."

Jack smiled, a genuine one, and softly whispered. "Then fall Ianto. Hard and deep. Take the plunge with me. Because trust me … if you fall, I'll be ready to catch you. Just like I know you'll catch me."

"Down the rabbit hole?" Ianto asked.

"All the way down, with all the curves and swirls it brings. Let's not just live but really feel alive! Let's take this journey and relish in the wonder and scariness of it all." He exclaimed suddenly as if he got hit by a wonderful electric current.

He reached out his hand to him, held Ianto's gaze and asked. "With me?"

Ianto linked fingers with Jack's open hand and replied softly : "Only with you."


	43. Chapter 43: Sweet like Candy

For Candybree ... who needed just a little more motivation.

* * *

**Sweet like Candy**

Jack strode around the autopsy bay, looking for a certain foul tempered medic he had last seen a few hours ago. He glanced around the room and shouted a subdued 'Owen?'. When no reply camen, he sighed and hopped downstairs. He cringed as he saw the reflection of himself merrily skidding down the stairs. 'Hmm maybe Ianto is right when he said I acted camp sometimes.'

He shrugged off the thought and searched through the cabinets for some painkillers. He had died again that day, weevilbite in his sides. Hurt like a hung-over bitch and even the side effects had taken a toll on the poor Captain, his head felt like it was being split in half and his back was killing him. Not literally of course.

He stopped in his search as he saw something that tickled his fancy in the back of the cabinet: the singularity scalpel. He took the odd object and balanced it on one hand. He marveled at how very light it felt on his fingers and how unnaturally cool it felt.

He manipulated the object in both hands and grinned. He was alone and no angry doctor to stop him from doing stupid things. 'The worst thing I can do, is kill myself right?' he laughingly thought to himself.

He chose his target – the big jar on top of the autopsy table. Jack tried not to think about the content of the jar but he perfectly knew what it was. In order to run tests on a specimen, all the tissue samples need to be liquefied before examination. Meaning, that if you wanted to conduct a search on a more molecular level, the required organ or tissue of the alien – in the best case scenario - would be put in a blender and mixed until they are one – very disgusting- soup. That was mainly the reason why the rest of the team fled the hub when they heard a suspicious whirring sound coming from Owen's quarters.

Owen had for once been negligent and he had left the jar open with a pipette still inside the jar.

He pointed the singularity scalpel at the little pipette, twisted the bolts on the side of the machine and put the pipette into focus. He pushed the button and held his breath.

The moment he released his finger from the button, the jar exploded into tiny speckles of glass. The liquid swirled on the table and cascaded from the sides and poured to the ground.

But it wasn't the explosion that had ripped Jack's heart apart. No, it was the sound of a terrified shriek coming from behind the table that had stopped his blood from flowing in his veins.

He stood still for two seconds and stared at the liquid, still falling to the ground.

Nervously he whispered. "Ianto?"

"Ahuh?" a pained voice sounded.

"You hurt?"

"No, just a dented ego."

Ianto slowly stood up from the floor and Jack had a hard time not chuckling – or groaning in disgust. Ianto's immaculate blue suit was covered in a sickening ash grey gooey substance. Even his hair and face were covered in the stuff, big blobs dropping from his head. Ianto rubbed the substance out of his eyes, clearing his sight and flicked his fingers, causing the goo to slowly drip from his fingers. He took one look at Jack holding the singularity scalpel and sighed heavily. "WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH THAT THING!" he shouted out angrily.

"Wasn't trying to kill you …" Jack hurriedly replied. "I didn't even notice you! What on earth were you doing under the table anyway?"

"Hiding from the bloody leprechauns!" Ianto sarcastically responded. "What do you think Jack! I was cleaning up the awful stain the Hyroliks left."

He took a long around his feet and saw the mess the explosion has made. "Guess that doesn't matter anymore." He sighed heavily. "I guess no sleep for me tonight either. What is that thing anyway? It's looks and smells foul."

"Er… you really don't want to know …" Jack replied, turning his gaze from the distressed archivist.

"Jack?"

The Captain started humming a happy tune.

"JACK! Answer me. NOW!"

Jack flinched as Ianto yelled. "Right," he began as he turned to face Ianto. "It's … alien remains …"

Ianto's face drained of color. "Alien remains?"

"Yep, need a bucket?"

"No, I'm fine." He said. "Maybe not fine … oh god!!!! Shower! NOW!"

Ianto spurted out of the autopsy bay and sprinted into the bathroom the team shared. Whilst running, Jack could clearly hear Ianto shout out 'eeww eeeww eewww'.

Now, even though he wasn't the squeamish type but this time he wholeheartedly agreed with his young lover.

'Poor thing, he always gets the raw end of the deal …' he thought to himself. Suddenly his eyes lit up, glittering like a summer night's star in the sky as he thought of something.

Ianto came out of the bathroom, a towel draped around his hips. He was towel drying his hair when a creepy sensation hit him. It was quiet at the hub. Really quiet. Far too quiet.

It was NEVER quiet when Jack Harkness was in the hub.

"Jack?" he shouted. "You there?"

"Hello gorgeous," a wavering voice behind him said. "Feeling better?"

"Loads." Ianto responded, smiling as he felt a familiar hand caressing his bare torso.

Ianto leant back and he let himself fall into the embrace, reveling in all the Jack-ness.

Jack brushed a kiss over his left cheek and murmured 'Got ya something'.

"Hmmm. What did you get me?" Ianto asked, his eyes fluttering shut.

"This …" Jack replied. He balanced a tray on his hand and held it out in front of Ianto. The tray contained a cup of coffee, a chocolate muffin and a single rose dividing the beverage from the food.

"I got you a chocolate muffin with chocolate bits in it because it is just like you. Sweet like candy. Dark, full of flavor and so so sweet. Something you can never get enough of it. Coffee because it also reminds me of you. Its delicious depths and hidden flavors. And lastly a red rose because that is what you mean to me."

"A rose?" Ianto stammered as a knot got caught in his throat.

"Yes, my mother always said that a rose is a symbol for infinite love. For yourself, others and your surroundings. It also stands for loss. Because love is a knife that cuts both ways. It can make you deliriously happy when you have it but also extremely sad when you don't. You, my beautiful boy, are defined by those two concepts. Love and loss."

"I've never looked at it that way …"

"It's time you should." Jack said. "You've lost so much in your short life and you've experienced so much grief. But despite that, you have an incredibly resilient heart that is open to anyone. And that … makes you truly amazing …"

"Jack, this … wow. It's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said about me. I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll share your muffin with me?"

Ianto chuckled. "Of course. Last thing I'd want is have you drool all over my lap when I'm having the muffin …"


	44. Chapter 44: A day at the spa

Drabble - EXACTLY 100 words. Wahoo.

So, Jack organizes a day out at the spa for Ianto with several services included. And the poor lamb calls Jack to tell him exactly how he feels about it all ...

* * *

**A day at the spa**

"Jack!"

"Yes Ianto."

"You, sir, are a right bastard."

"I am?"

"Yes. Wait, no. You are a right FUCKING bastard."

"You're not enjoying your day at the spa?"

"The massage was nice. The rose scented bath was amazing. Girly but amazing. The mani and pedi … helpful and my finger nails look stunning. The facemask was a bit over the top but I enjoyed it."

"What is the problem then?"

"Jack! You know what!"

"I take it you didn't appreciate the 'royal treatment'?"

"ROYAL TREATMENT?"

"Ianto?"

"Having a triple crown wax job is NOT my idea of a royal treatment!"


	45. Chapter 45: Stuck

note: Return of Eleanor by popular (well my) demand! Hope you like it!

* * *

**Stuck**

Jack relaxed on the couch, closed his eyes and inhaled the aroma that was drifting from his freshly brewed cup of coffee. "Mmmm, smells good." he murmured.

He brought the cup to his mouth, licked his lips in anticipated and … snapped his eyes wide open in shock as he heard the tumult coming from the boardroom.

He sighed deeply and tapped his comm. "Guys, I don't usually ask this but can you keep the noise down? I'm trying to wind down after that weevil."

He didn't get a response, he just heard Owen laughing in hysterics high above him.

He groaned loudly because he knew that 'downtime' is not something that can be associated with Torchwood. For once, he hoped the team would leave early today. His splitting headache was making him sick to his stomach and to his surprise, he was still shaking from the last weevil attack.

Even though he didn't sleep much, today he longed for his bed. Not so much to sleep, but just rest in a warm, quiet and tranquil environment. If he got lucky, Ianto might join him and then he even had someone to snuggle with.

Suddenly he heard feather light footsteps approaching. He smiled because he knew that there was only one person that was so light on their feet.

"Captain?"

"Yes Eleanor."

"Sorry to intrude …"

"It's okay Ella. What is it?"

Eleanor sat down beside Jack, reached out and gave his hand a little squeeze.

"It's not ok because I know you need some time to yourself. It's very obvious you're a bit troubled."

"It's obvious?" Jack asked.

"Well, only to those who know where to look." she responded with a caring smile.

"Guess it does help that you can actually SENSE emotion now does it?" Jack replied, granting her his typical 'harkness'- smile.

She laughed and the room suddenly felt a lot lighter as the sound reverberated through the walls. "You shouldn't drink coffee when you have a migraine …"

"Okay, stop it. Stop digging into my emotions because it's just plain creepy."

Eleanor pouted dramatically, causing Jack to laugh. She gave him a genuine smile and feeling the Captain's heartache, her eyes dulled.

"I hate seeing you like this." she whispered as she hugged Jack. She brushed a kiss over his forehead and rested her head against his.

"You need sleep."

"Yeah I do, but not before I fix whatever problem you're having."

"Well Captain, not really my problem. More Ianto's problem." She said as he leant back on the dingy couch.

"Hmmm," Jack murmured as he sipped his coffee. "What happened?"

"Well … we can't get Ianto to come out of the closet."

Jack choked in surprise and spat out his coffee, covering the table, his shirt and Eleanor's trousers.

She, at first, looked disgusted but then grinned. "Insert spit-or-swallow joke?"

"What did you say?" Jack exclaimed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Ianto … we can't get him out of the closet."

"Judging by what he did to me last night at the bay, I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed." Jack replied, his face split in two.

"Captain…"

"Yes Eleanor."

Suddenly Eleanor hit Jack on the back of the head, causing Jack to yelp out and indignant high pitched noise.

"What was that for?" he pouted.

"Not that kind of closet! An actual armoire. That thing you brought in last night. He somehow got inside and he can't get out!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Come on then."

Jack entered the boardroom and was greeted by two very annoyed women and a hysterical Owen.

Toshiko sighed. "Had enough Owen?"

"No," Owen managed to say. "Ianto … closet … can't come out…"

Gwen threw her pen at him, glaring evilly.

"Hey Ianto!" Owen shouted out. "Did you find Aslan yet?"

"NOT FUNNY!" an angry voice hissed from inside the cupboard.

"Captain, he's afraid." Eleanor whispered.

"Yeah, I know why. Ever heard of the boogey monster?"

"Of course, who wasn't afraid of it as a child."

"Well … didn't you think it's pretty weird that I brought in an early Victorian armoire to the hub?" Jack inquired.

"Oh … you mean they're real?" she said. "I just thought you were redecorating." Eleanor earnestly responded.

Jack shot her a look.

"What? You are pretty camp."

Jack hissed but turned his attention to the closet when a distinct whimper could be heard.

He put his hand on the door, on the exact same place where Ianto had put his on the other side. "Don't be scared. It's just another alien. It can't harm you if you stay calm. But it feeds of negativity energy. So, try to stay positive."

The room was deadly silent, even Owen had stopped laughing.

"What were you doing in there anyway?" Jack asked.

"Don't want to say."

"Oh wait for this!" Owen growled.

"Come on Yan… what got you there in the first place?"

"Owen did."

"Owen?" Jack asked, quirking his eyebrows as Owen started howling in laughter.

"Yes."

"How did he get you in there Yan?"

"It's embarrassing Jack."

"Come on, we're all friends here." Eleanor said, curious. "We won't laugh."

"Promise?" Ianto asked in a very small voice.

"Of course sweetheart." she answered back.

"Well Owen told me Narnia wasn't fiction … and this closet was THE closet."

The room again went silent, except for Owen catching his breath in gulps between laughs.

"You … searched … for Narnia … in there?" Jack carefully asked.

Jack could practically HEAR Ianto roll his eyes. "Yes, I'm a twat."

"Ianto?" Toshiko asked. "How angry would you get if we … laughed."

Gwen was biting down on her lips, trying to keep herself from falling apart. Owen had slumped to the ground and covered his mouth. Eleanor however remained deadly serious.

"Well doesn't really matter. Not like he could kill us. He's … stuck in the closet." Eleanor said before bursting into laughter.

A roar of laughter filled the room as the team no longer could keep their composure.

It only got worse as an angry voice shouted. "NOT FUNNY!"


	46. Chapter 46:Movie night

Note: draws on the previous chapter, "stuck".

Ianto is at home and Jack at the hub and they're conversing over an instant messaging tool.

* * *

**Movie night**

Jack : Hey Yan, you up for a movie night with the team?

Ianto : Sure, tonight?

Jack : Would be nice yeah. Only night this week that everyone is available.

Ianto : Is alright with me. Do I need to drive by Blockbusters on my way over?

Jack : Nah, 's fine. Owen picked on up. New release.

Ianto : Really? Which one?

Jack : Dunno, never heard of it. But it features this Prince Caspian.

Ianto : Is Owen there?

Jack : Yeah

Ianto : tell him he's a fucking bastard …


	47. Chapter 47: Rycoflorax

**Rycoflorax**

"TOSHIKO! MOVE!" Jack yelled as he ran down the streets following the perpetrator.

"Right behind you Jack!" Tosh yelled back.

They both ran after this new creature they had come across. Judging by the appearance, it seemed like an alternated version of a weevil. It was as tall as an average man, had shark-like teeth and claws. It also had the same fiery rage and lust for destruction that was so typical of the murderous beast. This type didn't really have rippled skin or an elevated nose bridge. That made Jack nervous because he figured that Weevils either had found a way to breed with another race or they had evolved into something else, into something far more dangerous.

Tosh and Jack sprinted behind the creature as fast as they could. They were losing track of him but suddenly they heard this strange noise coming from the alley.

They followed the noise and as quietly as they could, they stalked a moving figure in the darkness of the alley.

Suddenly Toshiko turned around and gasped. "Jack …"

"Shht! Tosh!" Jack responded, his eyes still firmly on the figure.

It wasn't until an angry growl sounded behind him that he was prompted to turn around.

"Shit. He sneaked up on us!" Jack cursed. He pulled Toshiko by his side and defended her with his body.

The creature was standing directly in front of them and stalked them, as if they were defenseless prey against a fierce predator.

The creature walked towards them and they slowly took steps back, keeping as much distance between them as they could.

Toshiko tensed as she felt the rough brick of the wall scrape against her skin. "Jack…" she whispered. "It's got us trapped."

"Don't worry Tosh. I've got it covered. I won't let this thing hurt you. If all else fails, I …I …" his voice faltered and he gulped audibly. "When it attacks me, run for it. Get yourself to the SUV and to safety. Alert the team and come back for me. ONLY if it's safe."

"Jack! I can't let you do that."

"Yes, you can and you will. I've never been keen to order you around but I will be very cross if you don't obey my command."

"But Jack …"

"Toshiko. I need to know you're safe."

Her reply was lost as the angry beast once again growled loudly. Its eyes were set on them and the Torchwood-agents both knew it was going to take a miracle for them both to get out of there alive.

Toshiko firmed her grip on Jack's hand and whimpered.

"Toshiko," Jack whispered. "Listen to me. I can't die. You can. I'm coming back, okay? So if I go down, you run."

Suddenly the beast lifted its claw up in the air and got ready to strike. But before it struck Jack, a big figure shielded them from the attack.

Jack gasped as he heard someone – or something – whimper in agony as the weevil struck their protector. He got out his gun and shot the weevil but the weevil didn't even budge at the impact of the bullet.

Suddenly their new friend rose itself to full height and grabbed the monster, lifted it up in the air and threw it across the alley. It hit the brick wall hard and it slumped to the ground, unconscious or dead.

The creature turned around and faced the duo, both startled and amazed.

Jack's mouth dropped as he took in the beauty of the alien. It's skin seemed to be made out of a silvery liquid, shining and glistening as the moonlight danced happily on its skin. His face was oval-shaped and completely hairless. He had two horns on either side, three eyes that shone with kindness and wisdom, no nose, a small mouth and impressively big ears. What was even more remarkable was its size. It must've been at least four feet and naturally towered gracefully over it's surroundings.

Jack bowed his head and whispered 'Thank you'.

The creature seemed to understand and he locked eyes with Jack as soon as Jack rose his head again. Jack gasped as he felt images invade his mind.

Images of sorrow, happiness and family. The creature's thoughts. Jack reveled in the wonder of this alien, so magical and beautiful. Suddenly Jack felt the need to share and opened up his mind to the alien. As anticipated, the alien draw out information on Jack. On Boeshane peninsula, his family, the team and the things he had gone through in the year he was apart from his friends.

The creature bowed his head in thanks and as swiftly as he had arrived, he was gone.

"What was that?" Toshiko asked.

"I don't know. But it just saved our asses. Let's get that the body of the weevil back to Owen."

"Aren't we going after it? It seems to be getting away."

"No, we're not Toshiko. It's a peaceful being. It won't hurt anyone."

Toshiko frowned and watched Jack. "It's protocol Jack."

"I know. But … god Tosh. That's what so wonderful. That creature is what's good about alien life. Discovering new things and getting surprised. THAT … was the beauty of the universe and I will not hunt it down. They're not hurting anyone so I say, let them be. When I took over Torchwood, I swore it was going to be different."

"That's … really decent of you." Toshiko answered, her eyes twinkling with wonder for her leader.

* * *

Back at the hub, Ianto was walking around handing out his amazing coffee whilst whistling a happy little tune.

"You sure seem cheerful today!" Gwen said.

"Yes, I do feel rather great. I have this feeling that a new wind is about to blow…" Ianto responded ominously whilst winking obscenely at the Welshwoman.

Gwen shrugged as she didn't understand what the hell he was on about. She had given up on trying to 'get' Ianto a long time ago. Instead she just smiled sheepishly and took her first sip of coffee. "Nothing like Ianto-coffee first thing in the morning."

Ianto politely nodded and beamed a smile. "Careful, I might develop an insanely huge ego that is a match to Jack's …"

"As if you don't have already!" Owen snorted from the autopsy bay. "You got my coffee ready yet?"

"Coming!" Ianto hummed happily.

Ianto strode down the stairs gracefully, holding out the tray effortlessly. 'Here you go. And as a little thank you for getting me out of the closet …" Ianto stopped talking as Owen giggled. "I made this coffee a bit special. I'm sure you'll like it. Seriously, it was quite a genius idea of you to take off the hinges. So thank you."

"Oh Ianto. That's nice of you. And you're welcome. After all … it was kind of my fault you ended up in there in the first place …"

"Well enjoy it!"

"Wait … what's in it?" Owen hurriedly asked.

"Now … you damned well know that a magician never reveals his magic tricks …" Ianto replied, as he walked up the stairs. Before leaving the bay, Ianto winked obscenely at Owen, causing him to blush uncharacteristically.

* * *

Jack and Toshiko entered the hub, both a bit startled by their encounter. Jack smiled as he saw Gwen. He walked up to hear and pulled her into a giant bearhug, making Gwen smile and blush at the same time.

"Ianto!" he said at once when he spotted the well dressed Welshman. Ianto walked towards the pair and immediately was pulled into the hug by Jack.

The Captain kissed Ianto fiercely, shocking Gwen and startling Ianto, who despite the shock was quite eager to return the kiss.

"What's gotten into you?" Ianto breathed when they parted.

"Oh just very happy to be alive …" Jack started.

He sat down on Gwen's desk and started explaining what had occurred. Gasps and groans filled the room but everyone stopped as soon as Owen jogged by looking rather pained.

"What's wrong?" Toshiko asked.

"Bathroom … now!" Owen shouted.

The team shrugged and Jack got on with the storytelling and was only interrupted by Toshiko adding some information. The conversation kept on going for a full ten minutes.

Owen came back to the main area of the hub, looking exhausted and rather pale.

"I wouldn't go to the bathroom if I were you …" he said, waving his hand in front of his nose.

"When is it safe to go back in again?" Gwen asked.

"Oh I don't know … the year 2015?"

Ianto and Jack laughed but the girls just rolled their eyes. The men could distinctively hear Gwen muttering something that sounded a lot like 'men!' underneath her breath.

"Don't know what's wrong with me. Seriously, haven't had the runs this bad in a decade."

"Owen," Ianto said. "Did you by any chance eat that leftover Chinese?"

"Yeah …" Owen guiltily answered.

"You idiot. That was from three nights ago. I forgot to chuck it out! You might as well have eaten those bacteria samples you keep in your medical bay!"

"Oh god. It still smelt good."

"Well obviously it wasn't!" Jack added.

"Yeah well …" Owen started.

"Are you okay? You like kind of … greenish …" Ianto stated carefully, knowing that sympathy usually elicited a full on tantrum from the medic.

"No, I … oh god." he managed to say just as he rushed off to the toilet again.

"So … need me to do dig up some information on the creature?" Ianto asked.

"No, for now. Let's leave him or her in peace." Jack commanded with a stubborn look on his features.

"As you wish sir."

* * *

The morning made way for the afternoon and soon things got back to normal. Gwen and Tosh were busy at their desks, Ianto was down at the archives, Owen back in the autopsy bay and Jack strut around the place nervously. Something was off and he could not quite put his finger on it.

"Owen!" he bellowed.

The Captain hurried down the stairs and noticed a flushed medic trying to dissect the latest alien corpse they had found.

"There is something I just can't get out of my mind. This new weevil creature is fast, very fast and I was wondering if they might be immune to our spray …" Jack's voice trailed off his eyes glanced over Owen's tightly fit trousers.

Owen fiercely blushed as he noticed Jack's wandering eyes.

"Owen … there is quite an impressive bulge near your groin area."

"Yes, boss. There seems to be."

Jack hustled closer and hissed in his ear whilst he grabbed his arm. "Care to tell me why you have a hard on whilst dissecting this poor creature?"

A cough distracted both men from their argument. They both looked to the top of the stairs and noticed Ianto glaring at them.

Ianto let his eyes slide over the two men and his eyes widened dangerously when he caught sight of Owen's 'condition'.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Ianto asked sharply.

"No!" Jack snapped whilst jumping two meters away from Owen. "No, not at all."

"Jack!" pleaded Owen. "I don't know what's going on! It's not like I'm … aroused or anything. IT is just there!"

"Seems your bodily function are a bit messed up today." Ianto stated.

"Must be. Think it's related?"

"Probably. They have you in common. And if there's one thing you are is a slob and a pervert. I've seen some of the girls you've had. Would not be surprised if … you've caught something."

"OI Tea-boy, aren't you overstepping the mark a bit?"

"Jack?" Ianto suddenly asked in a terrified voice. "Jack are you okay?"

Owen turned to face his boss again and gasped as he saw Jack stuck in a trance.

He touched the man but no response came. "Come on mate, snap out of it." Owen asked, nearly begged.

Suddenly Jack's eyes lit up and he breathed in gulps of air. "The creature is in trouble. He needs me."

Jack ran up the stairs, hurriedly grabbed his coat from his office and shouted for Toshiko. "TOSH! That creature's in trouble!"

"What? How do you know?"

"In the alley … it communicated with me … through thought. He sent me images of his hometown, of his family. And I returned the favor. And now I felt the connection opening up again. Toshiko, someone is hurting it. Beating it. It's bleeding."

"We need to save him." Toshiko said worried.

"Yeah, let's get to it!"

The pair made their way out of the hub and in to the mid-afternoon sun, leaving Gwen, Owen and Ianto to ponder about their mates' strange behavior.

* * *

Ianto quickly disappeared into the archives again. Gwen heard Owen's pained groans and wondered what was wrong with the medic.

"Owen, you okay?" she gently asked as she sat in front of him.

"No, I think I'm ill. My stomach is rumbling and I seem to be having a raging hard on for some reason."

Gwen quirked her eyebrows up and gave him a questioning look.

"Look Gwen, I'm not being a perv. I really don't know what's going on."

"Come on then," Gwen said in her usual sympathetic voice. "You should lay down if you're feeling ill."

She lead Owen to the nearest bed and urged him to lay down. She tucked him in and sweetly ran her hand over his forehead. "You've got a fever sweetheart."

"Nah, I just checked. It's just my body heating up because of the stress. Just a bit hot and sweaty."

"Wait," Gwen responded. She went away for a few minutes and returned with a small basin and a cloth. Gently she dapped Owen's forehead with the wet cloth. "Is that better?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"Gwen, why are you doing this?"

"Owen, listen. You're a prick and a right bastard. But I know you, better than anyone else in this place and I know you are a good person. So if you say something is going on, I believe you."

"Gwen …"

"Hush sweetheart. Get some rest. I'll get you some pills for your … problem."

"So you're the doctor now?" Owen smirked.

"Well it doesn't take a scientist to figure out what you need. Some anti-diarrhea pills and a sedative."

"A sedative?" Owen asked.

"Well yeah, your erection is painful so it needs relieve. The veins are constricted so you need something to make them expand. A sedative relaxes you so it makes the blood flow get back to normal."

"That is … quite intelligent for a non-medic. You're not as thick as you appear to be Cooper."

"Djee … thanks Owen!" Gwen snapped, but could not help grinning, showing off her adorable gap between her teeth.

"Now come on. Take these and get some rest. After you're better, we'll get to the bottom of this conundrum."

"Conundrum? That's quite a fancy word for a sheepsha- …"

"Don't even finish that sentence unless you want that boner to be your last!" Gwen snapped.

"Now come on Owen, be a good medic and get some rest." Gwen urged. She rewrapped the blankets around the stubborn Londoner and stroke his short brown hair until she saw his eyes fluttering shut. She stayed with him and soothed him until she heard him breath deeply and rhythmically, making sure Owen had fallen asleep.

Gwen sighed and gave the sleeping Owen a fond look. No matter how much heartache he might cause everyone else around him, she meant what she had said. He is a good guy and would do anything to save another.

* * *

"It's close." Jack tiredly said.

"How do you know?" Tosh asked.

"The connection is getting stronger as we go nearer."

"This way!"

The duo start running towards the same alley they were in that morning. They stood still in front of it and gasped. Three weevils had surrounded the creature and were busy clawing and biting it.

Jack shot three bullets into the air, causing the weevils to startle and run away.

"Watch my back Tosh!" he screamed as he ran towards the slumped creature.

He touch the creature and shivered at how icy cold it felt. He withdrew his hand and saw a clear substance staining his hands. "Oh god, it's blood."

Suddenly crystal clear pictures showed in Jack's mind and he remained silent.

Toshiko got increasingly worried as Jack hadn't responded in a few minutes. "Jack?"

Her voice seemed to snap Jack out of the trance and the Captain locked eyes with Tosh. "Tosh … he's dying."

He pulled the creature in his arms and cradled it, a sob coming from the Captain and an occasional gurgle from the creature.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I should've been able to help you but I wasn't fast enough. I'm so sorry." Jack cried.

He held on for dear life for a good fifteen minutes, right until the body had gone limp.

Jack let go off the body and closed its eyes. A single tear ran down his face as he bent down and kissed the creature on his forehead. "Thank you …" Jack whispered.

Suddenly the body burst into tiny glistening speckles and the body disappeared right in front of their very eyes.

"It held on to say goodbye to us Toshiko." Jack said.

"Really? That's so amazing … and yet so sad."

"Yeah, I'm glad that in the end, he didn't die alone."

"He?"

"Yeah his name is Rycoflorax and he's from a planet named … well I can't pronounce it. He told me stories about his childhood as he was … dying."

"You okay? It must be hard because … well you gotten so close and personal with him."

"Yeah, it's hard knowing that sometimes we can't help. It sucks that Torchwood is so much better at eliminating alien threats and at helping the one who need it. We need to protect human kind, yes but I think it's also our duty to help aliens stranded on earth. Because Toshiko, not everything is bad. It's such a big world out there and there is so much beauty. It horrifies me that you never get to see it."

"But I do Jack, you showed it to me today. You shared your story with me."

"And there isn't anyone I'd rather have shared this with."

"thank you Jack."

* * *

Jack and Toshiko entered the hub, demure and sad. The team greeted the new arrivals and whilst Toshiko smiled politely, Jack just growled. He went straight to his office and shut the door firmly behind him.

Gwen and Toshiko were busy talking when a loud yawn interrupted them. Owen sat down beside them, looking worse for wear but sporting a huge grin.

"Feeling better?" Gwen sympathetically asked.

"Yeah loads, it's weird. Suddenly all the symptoms stopped." Owen replied. "Must be some weird bug or something."

"Well, you are the doctor." Toshiko countered.

"Yeah, well I'm at a loss!"

A small cough diverted their attention to Ianto. "Coffee anyone?"

"Oh I could murder a coffee!" Owen belted out. "Got some of that special coffee you gave me this morning?"

"Special coffee?" Gwen asked.

"Yeah, Tea-boy over there made me special coffee as thanks for … the closet thing." Owen said, his voice slowing down near the end. "You sodding piece of shit!"

Ianto's eyes widened and his smile turned into a full blown smug grin. "Did you enjoy my present?"

"You stupid welsh git."

"Really, I thought I was being so kind and yet you are calling me names. Tsk Tsk Tsk, where are your manners doctor?"

"You! You spiked my drink!" Owen shouted out.

"Yes, I did. A dash of Viagra mixed with just a teaspoon of laxatives."

"You bastard!"

"Sorry, couldn't quite get that? Was a bit too far in Narnia to hear that!"

"You could've killed me!"

"So could you have! Besides, I was nicer than I had anticipated."

"Nicer?" Owen said, his voice a lot higher than normal.

"Originally I wanted to ruphy you, dress you up as a woman and leave down the pub. But I chose to use … restraint."

"Sheepshagger." Owen shouted.

Ianto snorted. "Arsewipe."

"You're going down Jones."

"Got to catch me first slow-mo!"

With that said Ianto bolted out of the main area, with Owen close behind him.

The girls burst into laughter at the sight of two full grown man chasing after each other, unsuccessfully. Owen just could not catch Ianto, who was very much amused by that fact.

As they both passed Jack's office with Owen nearly catching Ianto, they both suddenly feel pulled back. Jack had leapt out of his office and had managed to simultaneously catch both men by their collar.

"Now I do not know what the deal is between you two," he angrily hissed. "But you are getting my tits. If you're trying to figure out who the alpha male is in the team then I have a clue for you two. It's neither one of you!"

Owen and Ianto audibly gulped.

"Now, both of you shut the fuck up or I will be the one that is going to do the hurting. I seriously can't for the life of me figure out why you two only et along when you're both rat-arsed drunk. You should be acting like brothers and not two year olds fighting over the teacher's attention. NOW GET TO WORK!"

He released both men from his grip, both darting forwards.

Owen angrily glared at Jack's retreating back. "Hmmm sounds like we need to show that we can work together for a common cause."

"Agreed." Ianto whispered back.

"Boardroom?" Owen mysteriously asked.

"As always. I'll bring the necessary goods."

"I still haven't forgiven you for keeping me on the can all morning."

"Really? I've completely forgiven you for making me look like an idiot and locking me up with a terrifying creature for three hours."

"You're the one who got IN the closet."

"You're the one who drank the coffee."

"Pansy cocked meatpastry"

"Wanking necro-tosser"

Both men grinned at each other and parted ways.

* * *

Ianto softly knocked on the door to the archives. A low grunt informed him that it was okay to enter. As he did, he saw Jack slumped in the tattered armchair he had rescued out of the lower levels of the hub.

"You alright?" Ianto cautiously asked.

"Yes. No. Sort of." Ianto answered, sighing deeply.

"That's what I usually say." Ianto winked and Jack smiled a bit. "Talk to me."

He sat down on the armrest and absently played with Jack's hair.

"The creature that saved us … it died in my arms. It's weird but even though I only just met him, I had a strong connection with him. And it … I couldn't save it. Once again, I had to lose someone I cared about."

"I'm sorry Cariad."

"Why is it that Torchwood is always ready to destroy but never quite quick enough to save?"

"We save people every day …"

"Why can't I save someone I want to save? And not because I have to?"

"But Jack, you do. You saved me."

"Ianto …"

"Hush and let me finish. The path I was going down … was dark. It got really bad Jack, you were there. But you … you brought me back. You showed me the beauty of this world. Jack, I don't think I would be here if it weren't for you. And I know Tosh and Owen feel the same. We are all lost children and you have graciously given us a home. Not just a job, but a place in this world. Jack, you care for us. Unconditionally."

"It's hard not to. You are all so wonderful. You are wonderful."

"Only because you bring out the best in me."

"As do you … my lonely angel."

"And you know Ianto. You saved me as well."

"I have?"

"Yeah, you showed me that life is precious. And that I should fight for those I care about. You showed me how to love again … to receive it and to give it. Thank you."

Jack got up, brushed a kiss over Ianto's forehead and walked out of the archives.

* * *

Back in the boardroom, Toshiko, Gwen and Owen were preparing the room for today's meeting. Jack strode in looking better than before. He smiled at his team. "Only Ianto's missing. I hope he brings his special coffee with him."

Owen snorted and Toshiko giggled. Jack just looked confused.

Ianto walked in and was indeed carrying a tray of coffee mugs.

"Who wants a cuppa?"

"Not me thank you." Owen angrily responded.

Ianto chuckled and handed out the coffees to the other team members.

"Right, let's get started." Jack said, encouraging Owen to start with his latest findings.

"There's been a report of an increase of gas in the air." Owen started.

"You mean like gas of the atmoz system?" Gwen inquired.

"Not really, not as toxic as that. The gas is a mixture of nitrogen, carbon dioxide, methane, oxygen and hydrogen. We don't know what is causing the sudden increase but I'm astounded that there is a huge increase of certain bio-products from the market."

Owen handed out a booklet at the various members. Lastly to Jack, who had to get up to reach for the booklet.

"Oh sir, the chair is slipping." Ianto said as Jack got up.

"But those are all gasses that all earthly creatures produce." Toshiko knowingly said.

Ianto dutifully rearranged Jack's chair as he patted the cushions on the back.

He looked up at Owen and both grinned evilly.

Jack sat down again and suddenly a loud 'pffrrrrrrttt' sound, like someone was letting out a balloon, startled everyone out of their concentration.

Everyone turned their attention to a blushing Jack who stammered. "That … was … not me!"

Ianto and Owen were giggling like little schoolgirls as Jack reached between his legs.

"A whoopee cushion? Seriously?!"

"Well Jack you did say we were acting like two year olds … and this is a perfect way to show you that Ianto and I CAN work together." Owen managed to say between laughs.

Jack looked rather annoyed and crossed his arms over his chest. "So I guess there is no increase in gas?"

"Just in here!" Ianto managed to blurt out.

Gwen poked Jack's shoulder. "Come on … it was kind of funny …"

Jack's lips curled up to a cautious smile. "Maybe just a little bit …"

Suddenly their laughter was interrupted by Eleanor walking into the boardroom. She took one look at the red and flustered faces and frowned. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing!" Jack quickly said.

"Okay, sorry to be late for the meeting but I took the liberty to put up a spread downstairs. I bought sandwiches, baguettes, jam, coffee, tea, … anything you can think of! Oh, but I do need someone to cut the cheese … Jack can you help?"

The team burst into laughter again.

"You were in it as well?" Jack asked, shocked.

"Nah, just caught the last 10 minutes in the CCTV that I have hooked up to my car. Was aching to say that. Even bought cheese just so I could use the gag."

Owen wiped tears from his eyes. "Ah, that's my girl!"

* * *

Note: Right, so this story was born because a lot of people wanted Ianto to get revenge for the Narnia-thing (Okay, I realise I might have mistreated our sweet Ianto a bit in the last chapters but come on ... it was funny :P) and I got a few requests for more Gwen/Owen. So this is for you.

Also, this is also written for WickedWitchoftheSE, who requested a story about the alien in chapter 41.

I hope you all liked it, it is by far the longest Bedtime story till present!


	48. Chapter 48: Cheer up Sunshine

Note: For Candybree, who needs some TLC.

* * *

**Cheer up Sunshine  
**

Ianto Jones was busy rinsing coffee cups in that dingy corner they called the kitchen. Jack Harkness approached the 'kitchen' silently and watched the young archivist from afar. He let his eyes wander over the elegant silhouette of the man he was currently sharing his life and bed with.

He smiled as he thought about the million little things that made Ianto, Ianto Jones. There were so many but there was one particular fact that he adored more than anything. He was amazed that this demure, shy and silent Welshman could turn into an infantile, giggling and playful lover after hours. Even though it sometimes bugged Jack that Ianto just couldn't let go in front of the others, he cherished the fact that only he was privileged to know the real Ianto Jones.

Ianto nervously worked his way through a stack of dishes. Curses softly escaped his lips and when he deeply sighed and pinched his eyes shut, he let out a little whimper.

Jack startled the young man by suddenly making his presence known. "Hard day?"

Ianto quickly spun on the spot. "Oh didn't see you sir."

"Sorry to startle you. Are you ok? You seem to be having a hard time."

"Just worried sir."

"About?"

"Oh you know. Gwen doesn't smile so often anymore so I think something's bothering her. Tosh isn't eating right and Owen has been ranting more. I'm trying my best to take care of them but nothing seems to cheer them up."

Jack chuckled. "You do know it's not your job to take care of them. They are fully grown adults. Older than you actually."

"If I don't sir, who will?"

"And who takes care of you?" Jack inquired, frowning.

A silent moment passed by. Jack could clearly see that Ianto, who was always ready with a quick and witty comeback, for once didn't have an answer.

Ianto opened his mouth to say something but soon clinched it shut again. Jack moved closer to the young man and softly brushed his fingers over his shoulders, sending shivers down his lover's spine.

Jack whispered into his ear. "Oh Ianto. You care so much. Too much even and yet you are so easily forgotten. But remember that I see you. I notice you. And if I could, I'd give you the world if it would make you smile. And there is one little thing you should never, ever forget. And that is that I will always be there to care for you. Always."

Ianto, grinning like a fool, leant back just as Jack snaked his arms around him. The Captain brushed a chaste but tender kiss on his cheek and he let his head rest on Ianto's shoulder. He sighed deeply, content in the embrace. With a fond smile, he added: "Mi sembra chiaro. Che un altro come te, ne meno se ti invento che."

"What does that mean Jack?"

"You're a smart man. You figure it out." the Captain replied.

"That was Italian right?" Ianto asked.

Jack just laughed and walked away.

That night, Ianto reviewed that same moment on the CCTV and tried to decipher the meaning of those words. He started simple and googled the sentence. He got forwarded to a lyrics site. With a sly smile displayed on his lips, he copied and pasted the sentence into a translating program.

Silently, he wiped away a lingering tear as he read the translation of the sentence:

_It is clear to me that even if I could create another you, there __never will be another you.._


	49. Chapter 49: YOU WANNA WHAT?

**YOU WANNA WHAT?**

Toshiko, Gwen, Owen and Ianto were huddled together around the electric heater in the hub. Something had gone wrong with the hub's regular heating – no one knew what but they all suspected that it had something to do with Jack's recent strange behavior. The Captain had been walking around frantically all day, whispering to himself. When asked what was going on, he just replied his usual 'got it under control'.

In an attempt to prevent frostbites, Ianto had run down the hardware shop and bought a couple of electric heaters. Just enough to warm the surrounding area.

Even poor Myfanwy hadn't come out of her nest all day, fearing the cold.

Jack passed his staff as he made his way to the archives.

"Really?" Ianto exclaimed. "I thoroughly enjoy a 'Shady lady', 'Between the sheets' and a 'Blowjob'! OH! 'Pure fetish'!"

Owen nodded enthusiastically. "I could really go for a 'Bald beaver' or a 'Slippery nipple' followed by a 'Climax' or a 'Cumshot'!"

Toshiko giggled. "Oh Owen, Jamaica me crazy!"

Jack's eyes widened to saucers. He thought it was kind of weird that his staff were suddenly this open about their sexual preferences. Really weird. Jack shrugged. 'I must be having a good influence on them', he cleverly thought.

Making his way back to his office, he caught another glimpse of the conversation. He smiled as he heard Ianto's voice floating through the hub. But as soon as he heard the words, he frowned deeply.

"Gwen, if you want. I could give you a 'Wet pussy', 'A slow and comfortable screw against the wall' followed by a 'Screaming orgasm' for your party tomorrow night. I don't want to brag but I am the king when it comes to that."

Jack stopped in his tracks immediately. "Sorry Ianto, not that I object to your sudden free spirit but really, Gwen's getting married!"

"Yeah, exactly. I could do it before the ceremony so everyone can join in on the fun at the reception."

"YOU WANNA WHAT?" Jack screamed, slightly embarrassed at the high pitched noise coming from the back of the throat.

Owen smirked. "Jack, what do you think we're talking about?"

"I think – but I'm thoroughly hoping I'm wrong just this once – that Ianto is proposing to have a very kinky orgy at the reception! Rhys is SO not going to like this!"

Toshiko fell off her chair giggling whilst Ianto spat out his drink all over the table. Gwen laughed heartily and Owen … he was still sporting that smug and arrogant look on his face.

"Jack."

"Yes, Owen."

"You daft prick. We were talking about our favorite cocktails."

"Oh," Jack whispered, blushing uncharacteristically. "Carry on then." he quickly added before disappearing into his office.

A polite knock sounded through Jack's office and jack grunted. He sat there miserably in his chair, head on the table buried between his arms.

A small cough and familiar footsteps made Jack smile. "Ianto."

"If you're interested sir. I would love some 'Hot passion' followed by a 'Kiss in the dark'."

Jack groaned but gave Ianto a radiant smile, matching the one on the archivist face. "Those cocktails as well?"

"Maybe, maybe not."

"I'll tell the rest to go home. You go make them and meet me here back in 20 minutes."

Ianto elegantly pulled his stopwatch out of his pocket and clicked the little button on top. "That's 20 minutes … and counting."

Jack grinned. "I so love when you do that!"


	50. Chapter 50: How?

Note: So yeah, wow. My 50th bedtime story. Have you guys had enough?!

And 300 reviews! Holy Fanny Nuggett! I thank thee ever so kindly. *bows graciously but fails*

I can't tell you how much it means to me that people read and review these little one shots. I love them and it pleases me that you lot like them as well. THANK YOU!

Owen/Gwen/Ianto. Nothing kinky! First bit is somewhere in S1, second after S2.

Review please.

* * *

**How?**

Gwen lay lazily on Owen's comfortable kingsize bed, staring out the massive window overlooking a cloudy sky above Cardiff Bay.

She felt the bed dip beside her and a soft kiss was placed on her bare shoulder. Owen gently draped an arm around her waist and encouraged her to spoon with him.

"You okay?" Owen asked.

"Yeah, fine. Just a rough day."

Owen brushed away the strands of hair that covered her face. He rested his cheek against hers and breathed in deeply the scent of his new lover. "All days are hard when you work for Torchwood, Sweet cheeks."

Gwen smiled, the adorable gap between her teeth becoming visible. "I guess. But … how do you do it?"

"Do what, Love?"

"How do you switch off from all the things you see? How do you get past all the things that happen? How do you deal?"

"Sometimes I just don't. And sometimes I just think it's better to do something about it than to be in the dark like the rest of Cardiff. That's what keeps me going."

"I guess."

"And Ianto's coffee. That helps."

Gwen chuckled. "King Ianto's coffee club. He'll be pleased to know."

"Now, that piece of sensitive information can never reach his ears." Owen joked. "Or I might have to …"

"Kill me?" Gwen responded as she looked over her shoulder into Owen's brown eyes.

He gave her a crooked smile and replied. "Not really kill, just shag you senseless?"

"Aren't you suppose to be talk me OUT of telling him?"

"Right, yeah." Owen mumbled as he shyly smiled. "For tonight, let's just sleep."

"Sleep, yeah. Sounds good."

Owen turned off the light and snuggled closer to Gwen. "Night, Sweet cheeks."

"Night wanker."

Owen chuckled as he nuzzled against Gwen's thick and peach scented hair. 'Yeah a good night's sleep' he fondly thought. 'That's all I need'.

* * *

_One year later_

Gwen stood in front of the icy sea and collapsed to her knees. "Owen." she whispered. "You daft, stupid, arrogant, smug wanker. I'm going to miss you. You were such a bastard. But what a brilliant bastard you were. You've saved so many lives. And you never gave up. No matter how much shit life threw at you. I guess I just want to say that … I love you. And I'll miss you so so so so much."

Gwen wept, her tears stinging as the wind caressed her face. She felt a comforting hand on her shoulder and a soft, low voice spoke behind her. "Gwen, you ok?"

"Ianto … yes. I'm fine. I was just … saying goodbye."

Ianto reached out a hand to Gwen which she gratefully took. Ianto helped her back on her feet and immediately Gwen pulled Ianto into a hug. "We're going to get through this okay?"

"I hope so Gwen."

"We are Ianto. And the two of us … need to stick together. For Jack."

Ianto nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.

Together they walked hand in hand across the shore. Two surviving agents in the eye of a storm, leaving behind two red roses on the tiny beach just waiting for the tide to sweep them to the ocean. Waiting for the tide to bring them to their eternal resting place under the sun.


	51. Chapter 51: Ice cream and kisses

Jack watched the city of Cardiff from up high above. He always loved roofs. Mostly because the altitude made him feel vulnerable. Not much could touch him so the sheer thought of being so close to danger thrilled him. Just for a second before he leaps on that ledge, he can easily lose balance and fall. So every time he felt the need to come back down to earth, he did just that. He sought out the one thing that still scared him after centuries. Heights.

He took out his binoculars and shone his attention to the people on the bay. He saw children playing with a kite, teenagers rollerblading and generally terrifying the locals and elderly women jabbering to each other.

He searched some more and found an old couple, both at least in their eighties, walking slowly near the shops. The endearing part of this couple was that they were holding on to their canes for support and each other. Their fingers linked and all the while Jack watched, they never let go of each other. A sad smile crept on his lips, a smile of longing and desire. One of hopefulness and sadness. No matter how hard he may want this, he could never have it. He will always be the one that is left behind and has to leave his loved ones.

His sad smile turned bright as he noticed a familiar figure standing against the railings that separated the shops from the bay. He let his eye – or his binoculars – float up from well dressed legs to a firm buttocks up to broad shoulders and finally it rested on a sweet but sad face. He watched the man for a few minutes, savoring those sweet short curls in his hair, the way that suit just perfectly swayed with his curves … and oh … those hands.

"Oh Ianto Jones, the things you do to me …" Jack whispered.

He jumped off the ledge and made a decision. He was going to seek out that wonderful man and feel very much alive.

Ianto was staring into the distance, his eyes set upon the bright sun playing with the sea. He sighed deeply, his mind buried in all the things that have gone wrong the last few years.

Even though the sun warmed his body, inside he was as cold as the winter that had just passed. He looked around and saw all the different people surrounding him.

'It's funny, ' he thought. 'Even amongst the crowd I feel so alone. And even amongst all these people there is no one who pays attention to me.'

A soft cough caught his attention. He slowly swung around and saw his boss standing behind him, holding out a huge ice cream sundae. 'Blimey, that man can eat' he thought to himself.

"Hello there." the older man said. "Good to see you on this fine midday."

"Afternoon sir." Ianto replied politely.

"Please Ianto. It's jack … How many times do I need to repeat it …."

"At least once more, sir."

Jack chuckled, the mere sound of it sending shivers down Ianto's spine.

"So, I've got this ice cream and it is far too big for me to eat. Care to join me?" Jack nervously asked.

"I just had a sandwich …"

"I'm sure you can manage to eat a couple of spoonfuls no?" Jack responded.

"Well … we wouldn't want you too big to save the world now would we?" Ianto said in his typical deadpan voice as he accepted the spoon Jack was offering him.

They ate the ice cream in a comfortable silence as they both were lost in their own thoughts.

Jack licked off his spoon and sighed as he took the last spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. "Now that is one neat dessert, " Jack exclaimed. "But I feel like I should get my money back."

"Why is that sir? It was a very good serve!" Ianto replied, his eyebrow arched in question.

"Well you see, the man who sold it to me guaranteed me it would put a smile on a sad face. And it didn't really work." Jack said, his eyes searching for Ianto's gaze.

"Oh … you mean, oh…" Ianto stammered.

"You didn't realize I bought it for you?" Jack joked. "Why on earth would I buy all of that ice cream just for me?"

"Well sir, I wouldn't put it past you. I've seen the amount of pizza you can scoff down!"

Jack laughed heartily but soon stopped as Ianto didn't really join in on the fun.

Jack ran his fingers over the side of his face, tickling the young man. He smiled as he noticed the shy man leaning into the touch, instead of hurrying away as he had anticipated. He closed the distance between them and brushed a small kiss over Ianto's forehead.

"So beautiful and yet so sad. What has the world done to my sweet boy?" Jack murmured.

Ianto didn't reply. Well, couldn't really. His throat choked up as he heard those sugary whispered words coming from the man that had supported – and dragged – him through the recent awful months.

"Life isn't fair on any of us." Ianto managed to mutter a minute later.

"That's true," Jack replied as he let his hand wander over Ianto's shoulders until it finally settled on the small of his back. He pulled the young man closer to his body, smiling into Ianto's hair as he felt the archivist melt into the hug. "But it hurts so much more when I see the one person that makes me smile so sad."

"It's not all bad …" Ianto softly whispered, barely audible but clear as crystal to Jack because they stood so close to each other, their lips barely inches apart.

"No? What makes it better?"

"You …"

Jack ghosted a kiss on Ianto's lips, a soft kiss … barely touching each other's mouths and yet so very present. "Funny … that's what I was going to say if you asked me."


	52. Chapter 52: Chocolate and kisses

note: Prompted by Candybree. Chocolate cake, possibly alien. Had no effing idea how to write a fic about alien cake so I figured I'd to stick normal cake!

Hope you all like this! Review!!!

* * *

**Chocolate cake **

Jack startled awake, eyes wide open in fright as a terrified scream died on his lips. His first instinct was to grab his gun and get ready to fight again. But when he did, he noticed that he was no longer in the cold and dark alley he remembered to be.

He looked around and saw the wonderful familiarity of the Hub - _his Hub_. He sighed contently, for once he was not keen on being the action hero. Slowly he began to remember what had happened previously…

"_Ianto! MOVE!" Jack yelled. "Get out of here!"_

"_Jack! I'm not going to leave you behind!"_

"_You have to, Ianto! There's four Weevils and we are powerless, we've got no guns and no sprays. You need to get out of here. I'll cause distraction."_

"_Jack, they'll kill you."_

"_I'll come back …" Jack replied. Seeing the worry on Ianto's face, he continued. "I promise. I'll come back."_

"_Jack, I can't."_

"_Ianto!"_

"_I won't!!" _

_Jack saw the weevils getting closer. He knew that it was now or never. He needed to get Ianto to safety or they will both be goners. But only one of them would come back. _

_Jack shivered at the thought of something happening to Ianto. Forcefully he grabbed Ianto's wrists and pulled him close. _

"_Please, I won't ask anything else of you. Go now and don't look back. Don't come back for me. I'll see you back at the Hub."_

"_Jack …"_

"_I know it's hard for you. But don't make me order you. Please, I'm not one to beg but this time I am. Please Ianto Jones, safe yourself. For me."_

_Not waiting for an answer, Jack dragged Ianto out of the alley and into the safety of Cardiff's highly lit streets. But not before planting a fierce kiss on Ianto's lips. "Go!"_

_Ianto was left dumbstruck as he saw Jack running away from him and towards the threat. _

_Grinning, Jack measured up his opponents, three fully grown adult Weevils who hadn't eaten for a few days. Grimacing, he cursed. "Now fellas, let's be nice. What are the chances you guys will just … run along?" _

_He saw the first Weevil lunge for him. "Next to nothing then."_

_The next second, all three of them pounded on their prey and the strong Captain Jack Harkness fell into darkness once more._

Jack touched his neck as if to see if the wounds were still there. Now he remembered. Every bit of claw and teeth that had mauled his body merely two hours ago. He bled out, that he knew for sure because he remembered his body becoming weaker as his opponents became stronger. As if the blood and flesh they were ripping from him gave them strength. Like vampires.

He looked down on his shirt and saw his own shirt drenched in his dried blood. "Blood, always blood." he whispered. "Why is it always bloody and always so messy."

Jack shivered once more.

Confident his body had recovered enough, he dared to move. He shifted his head and raised his chest. Somehow he had found himself on the couch with a pillow to support his head and a blanket to keep him warm. He couldn't remember how he got on the couch or even inside the Hub for that matter.

He looked to his side and saw a steaming hot coffee cup waiting for him.

And then he knew. _Ianto._

He got off the couch, with effort, and groaned as his limbs felt stiff. 'Slow deaths are the worst' he muttered under his breath. He grabbed his cup and he limped his way to the main area of the hub, sighing as he saw the computers shut off and the lights down low. He must've been out for quite some time, surely more than two hours. It was light when he got attacked.

He heard a quiet rustling of bags and cutlery being moved around. He walked – or rather hobbled - his way to the kitchenette and saw that Ianto was busy cleaning.

He cleared his throat to get his attention and immediately Ianto was by his side.

"Jack, you're up," he said as he supported Jack's weight. "You're not well yet. Take it easy."

Ianto took the cup off Jack and guided the older man to sit at the table.

"Sit down Cariad," he soothingly said. "You bled out. That always takes a while longer to heal."

"You brought me back to the Hub." Jack stated.

"I did." Ianto replied. "I'm sorry. I know I should've left but I just couldn't. I called for back-up but it was already to late. You already died. I'm sorry."

"I'm just glad you're safe Ianto. I had your safety in mind only. I can come back. You can't. And I tend to keep you here for a very long time."

"Doesn't mean you have to suffer time and again." Ianto replied grimly.

"For my friends … I'd gladly die a thousand deaths. Never forget that."

"I know, my brave Captain!" Ianto sarcastically countered. In a more serious tone he added: "It still doesn't make it right. You always suffer. You do so much for this city and you're the one suffering in silence. It's not right you have to die in a cold and damp alley on your own. It's just not right."

Jack shrugged. He knew Ianto had difficulties dealing his Jack's dying and if truth be told, so did Jack. But the concept of dying and coming back was still foreign to Jack, even after all those years. So he grinned, smiled and flirted, just so we wouldn't have to think about the downside of being an immortal defender of the earth. "So … you organized a rescue party for me." he said. "Dragged me out of that alley, made me comfortable on the couch with pillow and blanket and kept a hot cup of coffee by my side for when I woke up."

"I know how having something hot right after waking up makes it easier. Less painful."

Jack blinked in surprise and chuckled. "What would I do without you?"

Ianto chuckled. "Probably die of caffeine-withdrawal. Jack … You'd be amazing anyhow. With or without me."

"Maybe. But I certainly would never feel so cared for as I do right now."

Ianto smiled politely. "Part of my job sir."

"Really?" Jack asked, rather disappointed.

"Yeah, and you know... I want to."

"Go home Ianto, it's past midnight. Salvage the little life you have left."

"Jack …"

"I'm serious Ianto. Don't let your life get away from you. I tell Gwen not to let her life drift. Same goes for the rest of you. Even yourself, Mr. stubbornness himself… especially you."

"But Jack … I am home. With you."

Jack smiled, the grin spreading from one cheek to the other. "Glad you feel that way Mr. Jones." he said as he softly kissed Ianto. "Because I've grown quite fond of your presence."

"You don't look so good." Ianto grimly said as he searched for Jack's gaze.

"Well … I know it's hard to believe but even I have my bad hair days."

"Not what I mean Jack!" Ianto firmly replied. "You look tired."

"I just got dragged back from death. That does take a lot out of a person."

"My poor baby." Ianto whispered softly whilst running his fingers through Jack's hair.

"Your baby?"

"Got a problem with that sir?"

"Not at all. Not at all. Just find it cute that you call me that."

Ianto snorted. "Come on, I'm taking you home with me."

"Mr. Jones, are you seducing me?"

"Me? Never!" Ianto sarcastically countered. "Come on," he added. "I'll run you a bath. A hot one. And afterwards we can have some cake."

"Cake?" Jack hopefully asked.

"Chocolate cake. Whilst watching Top gear. I know you love watching Hammond and Clarkson make fun of the other guy for being slow."

"Why are you doing this?"

Ianto sighed deeply. "Because you don't have to be so goddamn strong all the time! Can't you see? I'm giving you space and time. And a place … a place for you to stumble and fall. You should get to do that once in a while, Jack."

Jack stared at Ianto as if he got struck by lightning. Those words struck a cord inside Jack. He saw the look in Ianto's eyes and there was nothing but pure and utter love in those bright blue eyes. Jack swallowed audibly and ran his fingers through his hair, fisting them on the back of his head. He wondered what on earth he had done to deserve Ianto's trust, loyalty and love. Nothing he did ever seemed good enough to repay for his past sins. And yet here he was, probably one of Cardiff's sweetest and yet saddest guys and he was there to care for him.

A smile grew on his face. 'One day Ianto Jones,' he thought to himself. 'One of these days Ianto Jones, I'll gather enough courage and I'll tell you exactly how I feel about you.'

Ianto sat down in front of him and caressed the side of Jack's face. "I'm not trying to push you Jack. I'm just telling you … that I'm here. If you ever need me for anything. And it's okay to feel bad. You're only human. Albeit an amazing human, but still … only human. So I'm asking you from one friend to another … are you okay?"

Jack hurriedly brought Ianto's hand to the side of his face and placed a fierce kiss on Ianto's palm. "I am now you're here," he responded. "You always are and I don't deserve you. But I am glad you're here."

Their fingers naturally entwined and carelessly they both played with the others hands. For one perfect moment they were just content in sharing the silence and the comfort of their companionship.

Suddenly Jack grinned. "Come on, let's get home. I heard you had some chocolate cake!"

Ianto returned the grin but pouted. "Top gear's over though."

"No worries," Jack replied. "You can be my Jeremy Clarkson for tonight."

"Clarkson???" Ianto exclaimed.

"Okay. You can my Hamster." Jack replied, granting Ianto his typical Harkness-grin.

"That's better." Ianto said.

Ianto got up and gathered their stuff as Jack watched his every move.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah, you said you wanted to go …" Ianto started. "Home …" he quietly added as realization finally dawned on him.

"Yes, home. Ianto Jones, I don't care where I am in the universe as long as I have you to come home to. You are my home and my family. Never forget that."

Ianto replied by kissing Jack fiercely. As they parted, Jack distinctively heard Ianto whisper 'as are you' in his ear, causing his grin to widen even more.

With a naughty twinkle in his eye, Ianto added louder and more confident: "You big old sap!"


	53. Chapter 53: Rock bottom

Note: short but cute story. Because I have a morbid fascination for a depressed Ianto, this is another post-Lisa fic. Janto of course.

Now, if you haven't noticed ... I do like jumping on bandwagons. So I've gotten myself a livejournal (username: goddess_ophelia) and a twitter account (username: danisanna). Do add me if you wish.

Also, anyone got a prompt for me? Plotbunnies have all shied away from me recently. Probably getting ready for Easter ...

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**Rock bottom**

Jack held Ianto close as he felt the younger man's breath hitch in his sleep. He had been cradling him all night, silently whispering soothing words into his ears as he wiped the tears that fell from the most beautiful blue eyes the Captain has ever seen.

Last night, Ianto had hit rock bottom. He could no longer cope with the pain, heartache and sorrow that had colored his world the past few weeks. He could no longer cope with the silence that filled his life, both at home and at work.

His house, not quite a home, was deadly empty. It seemed bigger now that he knew Lisa was never coming back. Even though she had never stepped inside 'their' apartment, her absence made the flat so much bigger. And emptier. And darker.

Boxes filled with her stuff lay unopened in the furthest corner. Unopened and unused. Yet Ianto could not bring himself to put them away in storage. After all, with no body to bury and no grave to cherish, it was all that was left of the beautiful girl he had once fallen in love with.

An icy chill seemed to temporarily reside in the flat, as if Lisa's spirit haunted the place. As if she was looking for a way to connect with him, to blame or thank him for her demise.

So night after night each time he closed the door behind him, he was once more confronted with the loneliness of being left behind.

Work. Can you call being a Torchwood agent work? No, it's more a lifestyle. Ianto compared the work he did to a curse. A curse bestowed upon those who were chosen to save the world. Chosen to be alone and die early.

Every morning he got up and did his routines. Shower. Dress. Eat. Coffee. Work. Each morning he did the same damned thing. He did everything his co-workers wanted him to. Silently and demure, he did what he was told. He didn't question their orders nor did he refuse them. Because that was what Ianto Jones did.

He didn't mind following the orders though. After months of taking the lead and taking care of everything, he was glad that he didn't have to make decisions, he was perfectly content to follow them. It wasn't the orders that hurt him, it was the cold and hostile environment that suddenly cascaded on everyone in the Hub. The constant sniping, sarcastic comments, barked orders and most of all the silent disgust he got from his much loved co-workers. That hurt.

But sometimes one of them would do something nice, out of guilt or maybe pity. Toshiko brought him coffee, Gwen thanked him and hugged him after a heartfelt conversation, Jack had complimented him on his organizing skills. Owen even ignored him instead of constantly being on his case. Little things like that shone light at the end of the tunnel but unfortunately they did not weigh up against the bad.

So one night, he had enough. He had screamed at the world, cried, wailed and swore until his voice was hoarse. He had thrown plates at no one in particular, chucked books on the floor and punched the wall until his knuckles bled. He had slumped to the ground and cursed himself for being what he was – and for surviving.

Jack had let him. He had ducked every time something was thrown at him, screamed and cursed back at him when words were directed his way and he had kept Ianto from hurting himself. In the end he was there, right by his side on the floor. Right at the bottom of the bottle.

With effort he had dragged Ianto into his bed and let him weep out the last of his sorrow. Holding him tightly, he soothed the young and pained man into sleep. He caressed him when the nightmares took over and cradled him back to sleep when he jolted awake. He did so despite the overwhelming urge to run.

The morning broke the spell that the night had cast and as the light lit up vague ghosts in Ianto's bedroom, Jack felt the young man shift in his embrace. Tired and bloodshot eyes fluttered open and locked with alert blue eyes.

"Morning," Jack whispered. "You alright?"

"You stayed." Ianto responded, not so much a question but a statement.

"I did," Jack replied. "Of course I did."

"I would have understood if you had left, sir."

"Now why would I do that?"

Ianto snorted and buried his face in his pillow. "Why would you stay?"

"Well," Jack started. "Mostly because I know you needed me to stay. It's pointless to say otherwise. And the last thing I wanted to do, is be like everyone else in your life. I'm not going to run when it gets tough."

"Again I ask, why would you stay?" There was genuine concern behind Ianto's statement and it did not escape Jack's attention.

"Because I think you need to have something that's nice in your life. Everyone needs that. Certainly one of my friends should get that."

"Why you? Of all people who should hate me, you're the one I would have expected to hate me the most."

"And why is that Ianto?"

"I may have endangered the team with my actions but you … you I betrayed in every possible way. I hurt you. I used you. And still you're here…"

Jack moved closer to Ianto when he heard his voice falter. "Shh. It's fine."

"You must think I'm so pathetic. I can't let go of my dead girlfriend and I can't stop crying over her."

"I don't think that. Not at all." Jack responded as he patted circular motions on Ianto's back. "God, no. Not you. I think you're beautiful."

For a moment, Ianto tensed up in the embrace. Not sure how to react, Ianto searched for Jack's gaze as if he were asking a silent question.

"I mean it. I think you're beautiful. Inside and out."

Ianto blinked back fresh tears that were dancing on his lashes. "Why?"

Jack chuckled at the innocent look Ianto was giving him. A look of pure and utter disbelief and wonder. "Because you're a remarkable man. You're witty, funny, intelligent and you care. You care so much. And after all you've gone through, that's pretty amazing. And the most important thing is that you are a good person."

"And now all there is to do is convince the rest of the world." Ianto dryly countered as a sigh escaped his lips.

"I don't care about the rest of the world." Jack replied. "I care about you. What do you think?"

"I think you're insane for putting so much faith in me."

"Is that truly how you feel?" Jack asked cautiously.

"I think you're the most incredibly creature that walks this earth and I can't for the life of me figure out why you're here with me."

Jack uncharacteristically blushed. "Well … isn't it obvious?"

"My coffee?" Ianto shyly asked.

Jack chuckled lightheartedly, the sound echoing in the room and instantly brightening up the tense mood. He placed a sweet kiss on Ianto's forehead and got out of the bed. "Come on, let's get breakfast started."

Ianto could not help but smile as he saw Jack exit his bedroom whilst wearing his pijama bottom and slippers. The smile grew into a grin as he distinctively heard Jack mutter words under his breath that surprisingly sounded a lot like 'cheeky bastard'.

Ianto looked to his side and saw the sun rising in the distance. "A new day." he said. "A fresh start."


	54. Chapter 54: Casablanca

Note: Post-Countrycide. Toshiko visits Ianto. Review please :)

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**Casablanca**

Toshiko rang the doorbell and soon saw a dark shade moving slowly towards the door. She awaited patiently until the man had arrived at the door. It took longer than she had expected and that worried her. She knew they had all suffered injuries due to their latest assignment and Ianto was worse off than the rest, both mentally and physically.

The door squeaked open and the young man shyly smiled at her. His face was badly beaten and swollen, his lip split and his hands were desperately hanging on to the doorknob.

"You saved my life." Toshiko said, her voice low and filled with unspoken emotion.

"No, I didn't." Ianto responded.

"Yes, you did. You saved me from the cannibals."

Ianto sighed deeply. "Come in Toshiko."

She entered Ianto's apartment and realized it was the first time she had actually visited him. She had even visited Gwen on their day off and she's only been working with her for a few months. Yet she never took the time to visit Ianto, not even after the Lisa-incident. She wanted to, but she never had gathered enough courage to go see him.

She walked through his small apartment for the first time and she noticed that the place didn't feel like him. It was far too small, far too dark and far too depressing. In the end she realized that that's just what Ianto had become lately. Too small, dark and depressed for his own good. She realized that she wanted better for him, even if it was only to sooth her own conscience. Or maybe she had grown to care for the quirky silent guy who provided her with coffee, despite her own intentions.

She took a look around the place and saw 10 boxes neatly stacked in the corner. She noticed a thick layer of dust on it but it hardly disguised the feminine handwriting and the sickeningly blood red letters that spelled out 'Lisa'. Toshiko cringed as she saw empty liquor bottles sporadically scattered on various places around the flat. The curtains were drawn and there was a musty odor that instantly hit you as you walked through the door. All in all, she did not like the look of the place. In her mind she had minimalized the effect Lisa's death had on Ianto, if only to protect herself from heartache. She didn't want to see his pain, because it was so much easier to see him as a betrayer than as a hurt young boy she cared about. But the minute he had willingly and knowingly sacrificed his own chances of survival in favor of hers, she could no longer pretend not to care. He had willingly given himself up if it meant that she could have a chance to get out of that hellhole.

Ianto laid himself down on the couch and apathetically pointed to where Tosh could sit. He pinched his eyes shut as he tried to control the pain that was souring through his broken body. Toshiko wasn't oblivious to his pain and she had to blink back tears. But it wouldn't be helpful to break down in front of him, so she swallowed hard and repressed the urge to cry.

She moved the pile of clothing that rested on the dingy couch and made just enough place for her to sit. She stared at Ianto for a minute and took in the appearance of the man. He wore ripped jeans and a torn T-shirt. On any other day, the outfit might have enhanced his youthful looks but today it just showed off the numerous cuts and bruises. Toshiko had to breath deeply to steady her emotions. She turned her eyes from him and looked around. "The flat has a lot of potential," she started in a feeble attempt to break the tension in the room. "You could do a lot with it."

Ianto snorted. "Is that your polite way of saying it's a dump and that I should clean?"

Toshiko nervously chuckled. She knew that he was on pain medication and that usually meant that Ianto was more outspoken about his opinions and thought. She remembered that Owen once gave him medicine to help him cope with an old injury that had plagued him since childhood. He was very entertaining that day, Toshiko thought with a wry smile. Very open about his sexual encounters. Her smile turned grim as she remembered certain things he had said that were less entertaining. They all shrugged it off and blamed the medicine. But in hindsight, the gloomy words spoken by their colleague made sense.

"How are you, Ianto?" she asked.

"Mostly wishing I had taken a sick day." Ianto replied as he bitterly laughed. "Ah well, just another thing that has gone horribly wrong in my life. But hey, who's keeping score, right?"

He paused for a moment and glanced at Toshiko. Noticing Tosh's worry and sad expression, he mumbled an apology. "How are you Tosh?"

She smiled at the genuine concern behind the question. "I'm okay. Not fine by all means, but okay." she replied. "Surviving. And grateful."

"Tosh, really …"

"Ianto. You did try and save me. You successfully got me out of there and I will always be grateful. You protected me. You knew didn't you?"

"Knew what?"

"You knew that there was no chance of both of us getting out of there. You knew you wouldn't escape."

"Doesn't matter." Ianto mumbled, hiding his flushed cheeks.

"I really don't know if I should hug you or smack you."

"Well Tosh … if it's the same for you, I'd rather not get smacked. Am already bruised as it is. You might break another bone."

"Don't joke about this, Ianto. You could've gotten yourself killed."

"You got out, Tosh. That's all I care about." Ianto spoke the words without even so much as looking at Tosh. His eyes remained fixated on a spot on the wall but his voice showed his true dedication.

She moved to sit next to him on the couch, kissed him on the forehead and stroke his hair back. "It was my job to take care of you. I'm the senior field agent."

"So? I wasn't about to lose another woman I lo – care about."

"Even at your expense?"

"My life isn't worth much nowadays. Knowing you'd be safe was more than I needed."

"Ianto …"

"Tosh, please."

She sighed and took another look around the room. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"For what? Screwing up?"

"You didn't screw up."

"Everyone seems to think so. Hey, if you've been called an idiot enough times, after a while you kind of start believing it."

"I don't think you're an idiot. And Jack doesn't either."

"Tosh, please. Let's face it. I'm not exactly the favorite in the Hub."

"Can you blame us? I know you were just trying to save her but you did still betrayed us and put us in mortal danger. That doesn't get easily forgotten. If there's one thing that gets to us is one of our own going rogue."

"I know. I know okay. I don't expect anything. Well besides a bullet between the eyes."

"Jack would never do that. Not to one of us." Toshiko firmly replied.

"No, but maybe he should have. For all he knows, I'm hiding far worse than that."

"Ianto, I trust Jack with my life. And he's far more intelligent than he leads on. If you've got a secret, he'll know."

"He didn't know the first time."

"Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. You may have succeeded in conning Jack once, but don't think you can do that again. And heaven help you if you do."

"I guess. Jack's nice though. He comes over once in a while. He seems to sense when I need someone around. He's weird like that."

"He does that yeah," Tosh responded with a cute fond smile. "I remember he visited me every night when … I first joined. He knew I didn't have many friends here in Cardiff and I was going through some stuff. So he stayed behind. And he took care of me."

"He stayed with me last night." Ianto said silently. "All night. He cleaned me up and put me to bed. Held me close when I got nightmares."

"Owen stayed with me."

"Really?" Ianto responded as he arched his eyebrows.

"Yeah. He took care of me."

"He doesn't deserve you, you know."

"Sorry?"

"Owen. I know you like him but you deserve so much better."

"I don't think that is any of your business."

"I'm sorry if I'm overstepping mark but that's just what I think. You deserve better. Let's face it … Owen's not the nicest of guys."

"You don't know him like I do. He's kind, loyal and a brilliant doctor."

'He's also a complete arsehole. To you and the rest of the world."

"You don't deserve him either… Jack."

"I know. I doubt I'll ever deserve him."

"I don't either." Toshiko grimly replied.

"Why are you here Tosh?"

"I needed to see you. Make sure you were still …"

"Raw and unseasoned?"

"Something like that yeah." Toshiko sheepishly replied. "If it's worth anything, I'm glad you're alive and well."

Ianto sat up and looked her in the eyes. "Tosh, it's makes all the difference in the world."

Toshiko smiled back at him and softly cupped his cheek. "What do you say if I stay over and we watch tons of old movies?"

"It's okay, you don't have to Tosh. I know you've got stuff to do and honestly, I understand if you just …"

"Ianto, hush. I need to know you're alive. I need to know I'm alive. Now, Casablanca first?"

Ianto smiled and his eyes instantly lit up. "I love that movie."

"Me too." Tosh replied as she searched through Ianto's impressive DVD collection.

"Toshiko?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're alive as well."

"I know." she answered, grinning broadly. "Got any popcorn?"


	55. Chapter 55: Wrong

Note: So i was working on my next Bedtime story ( a follow up on the last as requested) and there was this bit in it with Toshiko that inspired me to write this little snippet. You might see some similarities with the next one but there's no real spoiler.

Please do review, I still love hearing what you guys think! Good and the bad!

Happy freakin' Easter y'all!

* * *

**Wrong**

Jack sneaked into the kitchen and observed Ianto for a moment. He didn't know what it was but something was off. He let his mind wander over Ianto's fragile frame and noticed a few things.

One. The suit is looking fa-bu-lous on him. Two. His shoulder are hunched over. Three. His arse is looking mighty firm in those trousers. Four. His hands are trembling. Five. Are those tear marks on his cheeks?

He decided to take action and silently crept behind him. He slid his arms around his waist, chuckling as he felt Ianto jump by the sudden embrace, and rested his head on his shoulder. Jack nuzzled in the nook of his neck and murmured softly. "Is there a particular reason why you're more gloomy and grumpy than normal?"

Ianto leant back and savored the warmth of the embrace, resting against Jack's strong arms. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes as he let himself be overwhelmed by Jack's particular soothing scent. "Oh, you know, daily hassles and all."

Jack hummed against Ianto's skin and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. He brought his mouth to Ianto's ear, caressed it softly with his lips and whispered. "Why am I not buying that? Go on, what's wrong? Spill the beans."

"It's nothing," Ianto said as he shrugged. "Really. I'm just being silly."

Jack ran his hand over Ianto's belly to his chest. "Maybe you are but I'd still would like to know what's stopping my gorgeous boy from smiling."

Ianto turned in the embrace and snaked around Jack's waist, burying his face in his lover's chest. "What's wrong with me?" he asked into the fabric.

"Wrong?" Jack repeated. "Hmmm let's see. You're over-analytic, highly neurotic, your social skills definitely need working on, when you're stressed you show signs of OCD, sometimes you get a bit clingy, you're a pessimist and you use sarcasm and humor as a defense mechanism." he continued. "Oh and sometimes your farts really smell."

"Oh," Ianto muttered, not quite expecting such a long and well thought out list. "That's quite a list."

Jack chuckled in his hair. "Where's this coming from?"

"You won't laugh?"

"Of course not. Something that is upsetting you so much can't be funny."

"And you won't think I'm pathetic?"

"Ianto … spill!"

"I was just wondering why everyone keeps leaving me. Just wondering what it is about me that seems to repulse people. Why is it always me that gets left behind?"

"I don't know Sunshine," Jack earnestly replied. "I really don't. You've had quite a lot of people disappear on you fast and I know that's got to hurt but I doubt it's something you do. Sometimes, it's just a shitty world with shitty people."

"You left me." Ianto silently said, barely a whisper but the words cut through the air.

"I know and I'm sorry. But I came back. Don't forget that. Sometimes, people do come back. And they come back despite those bad character traits. They come back for the good things inside of you."

"Such as?"

"Yan, are you fishing for compliments?"

"Always."

Jack chuckled lightheartedly. "Well … you're sweet, kind, organized, you make one hell of a cup of coffee, you're super-efficient, you care about others, you work hard and no one can fill a suit like you do."

"I sound awesome."

"You are awesome, my gorgeous boy."

"I just wish I had the chance to show people what I can do." Ianto gloomily replied.

"Hey," Jack sharply said. He raised Ianto's chin up so they could look each other in the eye. "I see it every day. And you know what? Despite all the bad things, I wouldn't want you any different."

"No?" Ianto asked, his eyes immediately lighting up. He leant in and brushed his lips over Jack's, beckoning for a kiss.

"No," Jack responded. "To me, you are beautiful just the way you are."


	56. Chapter 56: The memory of you part 1

* * *

Note: This is requested by WickedWitchoftheSE. In "Casablanca" Toshiko comforts Ianto after Countrycide and she tells him that she doesn't think Ianto deserves to be with Jack. Will she change her mind after Jack leaves them?

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write this but if you look at the word count, you'll see why. I've had to divide the story up in two parts ( both over 5000 words!!!). The focus on the first part will the team trying to find Jack. Second will mostly be about Jack and Janto.

I suggest you go make some tea, grab a blanket and make yourself comfortable: this chapter is a mammoth!

Reviews? Pretty please?

* * *

**The memory of you part 1**

"Jack's gone. Something's taken him."

The words were spoken deadly calm and yet there was an air of panic about them. No one responded, just in case the words might confirm what they all thought – and feared.

It was Toshiko who bravely broke the fear-filled silence and took charge. "I'll track his cell-phone. If he's out there, we'll find him."

With those words, the Hub immediately burst into life.

"I'll check his office for clues. Maybe he just left in a hurry, forgot an appointment or something." Ianto stated, already running up the stairs. "Maybe he left us a note."

He knew it was pointless because if there was something to do that was Torchwood-related, he'd know for sure. And he would make sure Jack remembered. Even if he had just come back from the dead. Like Jack had always said: 'No rest for the wicked!'

He hoped Jack had left some clue to were he was. He never was one to leave unnoticed so his sudden disappearance troubled him. With a fond smile Ianto realized that Jack did _nothing_ unnoticed. He could not help it, like flies to light, people were drawn to him.

He felt his heart beat in his throat, loud and unmistakably fast, as he entered the office. It was less that 30 minutes ago that Jack had held him in his arms and kissed him – for the first time openly in front of others. They hadn't purposely hidden or denied their relationship, but they weren't flaunting it either. Mostly because neither knew what the nature of their bond was, or what it meant. But that didn't mean it wasn't appreciated. Despite the numerous differences between the men, they had one thing in common: a burning desire to be comforted. Nearly everything about their personalities was so very different and yet so very similar. Both were thwarted by love and loss, by intense happiness and grieve, by laughter and soul-wrenching heartache. So when it got tough, they found refuge in each others company. Their relationship wasn't defined by extravagant gestures or romantic rendezvous' on Friday nights. Most of the time, all it took was a mutual silent moment, a small kiss on the forehead or a small caress. It wasn't perfect, but it was real.

"I'll check the surroundings on the CCTV if I can see his smug face somewhere." Owen said as he ran to his desk. "Typical Jack. Making us worry like this. He's just probably off to get some water-resistant lube or something equally kinky!"

In spite of his tough exterior, Owen was afraid for what had happened to Jack. The chances were high that he was right and Jack did indeed just go out for something. But there was still that little voice inside his head that unsettled him. The same voice that had told him Katie wasn't going to be okay.

He had learned to ignore that voice and compensated his worry by shouting and ranting louder than the rest. But in that moment, the tough medic was overcome by blind panic, even if he didn't show it. It was unlike Jack to leave without notice so something could be amiss.

He prayed he was right because he was still haunted by the image of his bullet piercing through his mentor's head. Jack may have forgiven him, but it does not change the fact that he had raised his gun and used it to kill someone in cold blood. He had become a murderer. Albeit a lucky one, who better to shoot than someone who could come back from the dead?

But Owen hadn't known at the time. When his corpse hit the ground, he had crossed the line.

He needed to find Jack, because he owed him big. He needed to repay his debt, he needed absolution.

"Owen, I was with him a few minutes ago. He didn't seem like he was leaving." Gwen hurriedly said. "But check anyway, he's a sneaky one. I'll check the Hub again."

Without really seeing where she was going, Gwen ran through the various parts of the Hub looking for that elusive blue greatcoat Jack practically was glued into. In her mind, it was impossible Jack would be gone. She had resisted to acknowledge the possibility that Jack had died and she wasn't going believe for a second that Jack had left her just like that. Not him.

Gwen and Jack had instantly bonded. Even when Jack had to retcon her, he dreaded to let go of her, secretly hoping the retcon wouldn't stick. He had never met someone as beautiful, street-smart, sympathetic and yet infuriating, loudmouthed and blunt as Gwen. She intrigued him because she reminded him of Rose, the one that had changed him. Rose had shown him how to be a better man, not by force or by teaching but with love and tenderness.

When he had first met Gwen, he felt lost and without a purpose. He had reconstructed Torchwood to be less vile and more humane but something was missing. He did not know what it was and it terribly enraged him. He wanted to be stronger and better, in honor of the Doctor, but he did not have the means to do it. And then he met her and things changed.

Their relationship progressed when she started to work for him, alternating between professional (or rather professional-esque) to flirtatious. It didn't take long for her to fall for the Captain. She looked up at him with admiration, love and hope. All the things he'd seen, heard and experienced seemed so mysterious and wonderful. Yet she was one of the few to see the pain and sorrow that was deeply hidden behind those blue eyes. She knew he couldn't die and was also privileged to see the throbbing ache that came after. 'Like being held over broken glass' he had once explained.

It sounded horrible to her: being stuck in limbo for so long, existing between the living and the dead and leaving behind all the ones you have ever loved. So she made it a mission of hers to relieve his pain. To be there for him whenever he needed her, despite of what it may cost her.

Ianto ran back to Toshiko and Owen and met Gwen halfway. "Nothing in his office." he hurriedly said, trembling and panting. His eyes nervously darted from left to right, as if he was looking for any sign of Jack. "What do you think happened?" he added as he straightened out his wrinkled suit.

"I think he just went for a piss." Owen dryly responded.

Gwen however, was examining Ianto thoroughly. "Pet, are you alright? You're all flushed and nervous."

Ianto politely smiled back at her and immediately replaced the mask that had carelessly fallen from his face. "Fine Gwen, just … tired from the running … and worried. It isn't like him to leave without saying anything."

Owen snorted and smirked. "And I bet … you … know all about him, don't you Tea-boy?"

The medic let his eyes wonder over Ianto, observing him for any hints that he could use against him.

Ianto angrily glared at him but refrained from replying. Instead, he joined Toshiko in her quest to find their boss. "Any news?" he silently asked her.

Tosh was typing furiously, running all sorts of programs. "No, not one. I ran every possible tracing program we have. Twice. There's isn't a trace of Jack on earth. It's like he just vanished."

"Then where is he?" Gwen asked.

"Mars?" Toshiko sarcastically countered. "Honestly, I don't know."

"There … is another explanation." Owen cautiously suggested.

"Don't." Ianto warned. "Don't. Just don't. He wouldn't to that to us."

"What?" Gwen inquired curiously. "What is it?"

"If Jack's on earth and he can't be traced…" Owen started.

"He wouldn't Owen!" Ianto hissed behind the medic. "You KNOW he wouldn't!"

"IF he's still around and not traceable …" Owen continued, speaking louder to drown out Ianto. "Then there is always the possibility that he does not want to be found."

"Why would he not want us to find him? Why would he run away from us after Abadon?"

"Or maybe he just forgot his cell-phone!" Ianto sarcastically – and maybe hopefully – retorted.

'I don't know why he would Gwen. And no, Ianto. He's got his phone with him. It's practically attached to his body. But you should know better than I do …"

"Just drop it Owen!" Ianto spat out, angry and embarrassed by the attention. He knew Owen would mock them if he ever found out about their relationship but he hoped that under the circumstances he would stop his usual childish behavior.

"What IS it with you two?" Gwen lashed out. "Why can't you ever get along?"

"GUYS! We're already lost enough without us falling apart. We need to concentrate." Toshiko intervened but barely in time before another row would begin. "If Jack indeed left and does not want us to find him then … then he must have his reasons."

"He wouldn't." Ianto resisted. "He wouldn't leave us behind."

"Us or just you?" Owen asked as he took two big steps away from Ianto. Since Ianto had shot him to prevent the rift from opening, Owen thought twice to underestimate him. He knew he was pushing him to the edge. He did it on purpose, if only to distract himself and the others from the pain of being left behind by someone they cared deeply about.

Ianto gulped audibly and Gwen shone her attention to the pair. "What have I missed?"

Neither men said anything and an uncomfortable silence seemed to drag on for ages. Gwen rolled her eyes and tutted. "Come on, someone speak up. You're not going to be send to the corner."

Owen grinned. It was clear he was just loving the fact that he knew something secret. "It seems that our dear Ianto over there was far more closer to our boss than he led on. A LOT closer."

"How closer?" Gwen asked, her eyes narrowing to angry slits.

"As close as two people can get."

"Owen!" Toshiko barked. "Leave him alone and concentrate on finding where the hell Jack is."

"He has to be somewhere." Ianto desperately stated. "Somewhere. He wouldn't leave us like this."

"Again I ask, us or you, Ianto?" Owen repeated. He could feel the rage radiating from Ianto. He was pushing the boundaries but like always, that didn't stop him.

Ianto closed his eyes and let the anger wash over him. He felt it burning in his lungs, stomach and bowels. He took a deep breath and pushed it aside for the moment. There was enough time later to get back at Owen but right now his main concern was finding Jack. Calmly and confident, he spoke. "Whatever went on between us is our business. And yes, he wouldn't leave like this. I know he wouldn't. Not if he had a choice."

"How do you know?" Gwen asked, slightly pissed off at the revelation of their relationship.

"Because he promised me." Ianto silently said.

"Why? What's so special about you?" Gwen retorted angrily. She instantly regretted saying it when she saw Ianto's eyes harden. She remembered that look all too clearly. He gave her the same look he had given Jack so many times after Lisa's death. A look of pure hatred and desperation.

Ianto snorted in disbelief. He knew that she would take the news badly but he hoped that she had the decency to be subtle about it.

Ianto was getting a bit edgy. He never liked being in the spotlight and all this attention was starting to make him jittery. And a bit angry. He understood why Gwen would resent him but deep down he hoped that she'd also be happy for him. Of all people she would be the one that would see that maybe a little romance would be a welcome change for him after a long period of mourning and darkness. After all, she is suppose to be the understanding and caring one. "If you can't believe that Jack would not leave me behind, then how about this. Would he leave Gwen behind?" he said as he faced Owen and Toshiko.

"Jack wasn't exactly kissing _her_ now was he?" Owen countered.

Ianto's cheeks flushed a deep red. "It doesn't matter who he kisses or shags. You know he cares for her and would do anything to keep her safe. He can't do that if he's miles away."

The girls suddenly stopped what they were doing and stared at the men. The anger and tension between them was nearly visible and they both realized that one misunderstood word from either could very easily send them over the edge.

"Wow, that close then." Gwen whispered to Toshiko as she shifted uncomfortably on her chair. "Did you knew they were …?"

"I suspected but I didn't know." Toshiko replied, hasty and annoyed. She didn't like prying into someone's private life, especially Ianto's. She knew he was private and proud and she understood him. Last thing they both wanted was their personal lives smeared on the front page of the news. She brushed off any further questions Gwen threw at her and continued to triple check if Jack could be found.

Gwen stared at the floor, lost in thought, whilst the two men continued bickering. She had always been praised for being observant but she never did see any spark between them. Of course she knew Jack fancied him – but then again, Jack fancied everyone – but it never crossed her mind that Ianto might reciprocate those feelings.

'How could I have missed this? I thought I knew what was going on with my coworkers' she bitterly thought to herself. A wave of shame came over her as she realized that beside that, she also felt jealous that Ianto might be closer to Jack that she was. Suddenly she felt truly awful. She was jealous of a young man who had gone through so much trauma and had lost so much in such a short time span. She should be glad that he found someone that he could confide in. Someone that could easily chase away shadows in dark night. After all, she had Rhys to go home to. She'd be lost without him and maybe Ianto needed that as well. A home to rest in. Gwen knew that Jack was more than capable of showing Ianto a good time. Or even possibly heal him after all that drama and heartache.

Suddenly she realized she also felt angry. Angry because Ianto had yet again kept something from them. "Why didn't you tell us?" she asked, immediately putting a stop to the bickering.

"I don't know," Ianto replied, more muttering the words. "I didn't think it was important. And basically none of your business." he added, the last part a bit heated.

"If you've been so close to him then you must know something."

"Like what Gwen? You really think he'd tell me if he were to take off? Before telling you?" Ianto retorted. There was an air of resentment in the question that seemed to linger between them.

"Why not? You're … what? His boyfriend? And he doesn't tell you stuff? What kind of relationship did you have then?"

"I'm thinking Ianto was perfectly fit to keep his bed warm at night. And that was it. Am I right? He's got it made, Jack hasn't he? Pretty little boy with enough issues to deal with that he didn't blink twice to accept a warm and inviting bed." Owen said, not even bothering to tone down his smirk. "But yeah, what do you know about Jack's disappearance?"

"Nothing!" Ianto bellowed. "Nothing!! You really think he'd tell me? You must be joking."

"Stop." Toshiko urged. "All of you, just stop."

Toshiko crossed her arms on her chest and looked sternly at her colleagues. She wasn't angry, rather disappointed. She knew they were all hurting but this wasn't a good way to deal with their emotions. She let her words linger in the air for a while. The words were spoken with much precision and elegance, just like everything else she did.

She turned to Ianto and softly caressed the side of his face. "Ianto … do you know anything or do you have any idea what might have caused this?"

Ianto didn't break eye contact and after a few seconds of thinking, he dropped his glance to the floor and murmured a clear 'no'.

"Okay." Tosh replied. She turned to Gwen and Owen and asked the same question. Both shook their heads and lowered them in defeat.

"So, we all know nothing about what happened to Jack. What are we going to do? Any idea is welcome."

"We go home and get some sleep." Owen said. "Look, it's been a long week and we're all knackered. The chances are big that Jack's just popped out for something and that he'll return."

"Owen," Ianto whispered. "This is Torchwood. What if he's been taken? What if he's hurt? Jack knows better than to just get up and leave like that."

Uncharacteristically, Owen refrained from replying with his usual smart mouth manner and he placed a hand on his co-worker's shoulder. "He's going to be fine. He's tougher than anyone we've met. And if someone's kidnapped him, heaven help them."

"It's just that … he's been there for me. For all of us. He'd never just give up. I was 10 minutes late one day and he was already gearing up a search party because it was out of character of me to be late. Don't we owe it to him to do the same?"

Owen looked over at the girls and both nodded back at him. "What do you propose?" Owen asked Ianto.

Ianto thought for a minute and then shrugged. "You're probably right and I'm being a drama queen." Ianto ignored the huff coming from Owen and just continued. "But would any one mind if I stayed here and run the scans again. If it turns out he's just down the shops, the least that could happen is that I've wasted some time looking for him. You guys go home. No point in all of us staying up for a one man job."

"I'll stay with you," Tosh responded with a brave smile. "We've all gone through hell these last couple of days and you shouldn't be alone."

"Tosh, you're knackered." Ianto stated.

"Comes with the job Yan. Besides, so are you. We can always have a nap on the couch if it gets too much."

"And we'll take turns." Owen said with a rare and genuine smile. "I'll come in at 5 and then you two can go home. Get some rest to take over from me at noon or so."

"Me too," Gwen said. " I'll come in at 5 as well. We either do this as a team, or we don't do this at all."

"Okay. But no group hugs or any of that." Owen said, his face deadly serious.

* * *

Toshiko sat at her desk with one leg crossed over the other and quietly sipped her hot coffee. She and Ianto had been running various tracking devices for nearly 4 hours and nothing had come up. Things were looking bleak and that had serious consequences for both agents' mood. They hadn't fallen out but there was a definite tension between them. 'We're both just tired,' Toshiko thought. 'And poor thing is worried sick. He doesn't think I notice but I see it. The sadness in his eyes. It's a shame because I thought he was finally over the depression'.

When reaching for a cookie she saw Ianto slumped on Owen's desk, arms on the table and his head safely tucked between them, sleeping peacefully. She smiled fondly and she stroke his hair, loving the way the fluffy hair felt between her fingers.

Toshiko never imagined to have found a friend in Ianto. She had barely noticed him before Lisa's death and she still regretted being so cold and distant towards him. Like everyone else in the Hub, she had disregarded Ianto with such an ease it made her cringe. Needless to say, the unnoticeable boy soon became highly visible but unfortunately for Ianto, most of the attention he got was negative. She understood the anger of her coworkers, she sometimes even participated with them when the tide was high, but she knew he didn't deserve it. The guilt alone, of failing Lisa and the deaths of two innocent persons, must've been enough painful for everyone. She had reached out to him a couple of times and he had eagerly accepted the small gestures, but their relationship never really blossomed.

It wasn't until she hear his thoughts that she fully realized how much of a mess Ianto was. The words 'It feels like this is all I am now, there isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt' kept running through her mind for a very long time afterwards. She suddenly could see the pain he was hiding and with a deep grief, she became all too conscious of the fact that all the signs of distress were so very clear but no one was really looking for them. Ianto was alone in the world, just like her, with no one to turn to when things threatened to overwhelm him.

Since then she had made conscious effort to help Ianto whenever she could. He was a proud man so her attempts were always subtle. But always appreciated.

She felt proud of Jack, knowing that he had been taking care of him all the while. Even if Jack was hurt by his betrayal. He had sucked up his own dented pride and had stepped up. Then again, she hadn't expected anything else from her Captain.

Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. "Ianto, wake up. I have an idea."

Ianto grumpily grunted and slowly flickered his eyes open. "Is Jack back?"

"No Sweetheart," she replied. She saw the disappointment on his face and it nearly broke her heart. The same look of loss and loneliness she had seen so often in his eyes was back again. "No sign of him yet. Sorry. But I was thinking… he must've left the Hub one way or another so there should be footage of him leaving the place. Maybe we can retrace his steps from there on."

"Unless he took one of the tunnels that lead from the Hub to the centre of Cardiff. If I wanted to go unnoticed , I'd take those." Ianto gloomily replied.

"It's a long shot, I know. But maybe we'll get something. Maybe for once … he wasn't careful?"

Ianto snorted. "Jack? I doubt it. But I guess it is worth a shot."

Toshiko retrieved the data without even so much as breaking a sweat. "There he goes," Tosh suddenly said. Ianto was by her side in no time and Tosh could hear him hold his breath. In some sort of weird notion of comradeship, she held hers as well. "He's clinging to a police box? What on earth ..."

"Oh no…" Ianto uttered.

Toshiko squinted her eyes to take a better look at the screen and suddenly gasped as she saw an unfamiliar blue police box fading into nothing with Jack clinging to the exterior. "But … where's he gone?"

A heartbreaking sob caught her attention. Swiftly she turned to Ianto and saw him firmly shutting his eyes whilst pinching the bridge on his nose. A single tear ran over his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. "Ianto?" Tosh called. "What's going on? Do you know what that is?"

"That …must've been the doctor. Also known as Public enemy number one back in my Torchwood London days."

"Doctor? What doctor? Doctor who?" Toshiko responded. "Wait, The doctor? You mean THE Doctor? I've worked with him on a space pig! I've heard a lot of myths about him. He's Jack's doctor? He didn't look dangerous …"

"He isn't." Ianto replied. "Well he is. We were taught that he was … but he ended up saving the day. He got rid of the Cybermen and Daleks at Canary Wharf. Little too late for most though."

As Ianto got lost in memories, his eyes stared into distance and became glossy. Suddenly he let out an angry growl and punched the desk. "If that was indeed the doctor then he's gone. Jack wasn't taken. He chose to leave us. For him. He chose to leave … me."

Seconds later, the proximity alarm blared loudly. Gwen and Owen stepped inside the Hub looking worse for wear after their short night's sleep. "Any news?" Owen asked.

Toshiko turned around and explained the situation. "It seems that Jack has gone to a blue police box which then faded into nothing. Ianto thinks that he followed his Doctor somewhere."

She turned to face Ianto again and frowned as she saw no trace of his previous minor breakdown. His professional mask had once again been restored.

"I don't think that …" Ianto responded, ignoring the peculiar look Tosh gave him. "I know it. I didn't know much about that doctor guy but I do know what his transportation looks like. Every Torchwood London employee had to be on the look out for a guy with a blue police box that answers to the name of Doctor." Ianto resisted.

"You mean the doctor? Jack's doctor??" Gwen asked as she tried to take in all that information. "What else do you know?"

Ianto shrugged. "Nothing else. We knew who and what to look out for but the rest of the information, including why they were looking for him, was top secret. Reserved for the big shots who were in charge of the ghost shifts. Everyone who asked around were … instantly fired and had their memories erased. Or so we were told. No one dared to ask so we kept our mouths shut."

"Sounds like a fun place to work at." Owen dryly commented.

"Torchwood is not fun." Ianto hurriedly said.

"Is Jack in danger?" Owen asked.

"I don't know. Probably. That guy attracts danger like bees to honey. But … I think he's good. He … stopped the Cybermen. And records show he seems to be around when things go bad. But usually he's the one that sets the record straight."

"Jack seemed to trust him though." Gwen declared. "He always spoke highly of him."

'So … we just wait for him to return?" Toshiko asked cautiously and a little bit incredulous.

"I guess so." Owen responded with little passion.

"Hang on … you said that the police box was his transportation and that it faded? So, it's safe to say he's an alien?" Gwen asked once more.

"I don't know. Really, I don't." Ianto responded as he tiredly rubbed his eyes. "Want coffee?"

"A cup would be nice yeah," Gwen cheerfully replied. "But afterwards you two should get some rest. You're both looking worse for wear."

Ianto grunted in reply and headed to the kitchen. 'Damn you Jack.' he bitterly thought. 'Why now? You promised you wouldn't leave! Not until I was ready. You could have said something. Anything. I would've understood. And why on earth would you kiss me in front of them? Leave and let me explain all?'.

Ianto shrugged off the anger that resided inside his body and reverted back to his old ways: he made himself invisible and ran on auto-pilot. Because mere existing was a lot less painful than living at that moment. So he made the coffee, divided it into three cups, handed them out and disappeared from sight as fast as he could.

* * *

"I thought I might find you here." Toshiko whispered into the darkness in Jack's office. Ianto sat curled up on the couch clutching a pillow to his chest. She could not see him sitting but the shallow breathing gave him away. "Are you alright?"

Ianto didn't answer immediately and Toshiko was beginning to wonder whether or not Ianto was asleep. She turned to exit the room but froze as she heard a bereaved sigh.

Her blood ran cold when she heard Ianto's shaking voice. "What's wrong with me?" he asked.

She walked to Jack's antique mahogany desk and lit the little desk lamp, causing a dull light to shine in the depressingly empty office. "What do you mean?" she asked. She looked around the office and finally found a dark figure on the couch absently playing with the frills of the cushion. She could tell that Ianto had been mulling things over. To her relief she also noticed that Ianto hadn't been crying. With a little hope, she figured that maybe he wasn't _that_ upset. Her hopes were crushed very soon when Ianto buried his head in his hands.

"What's wrong with me?" he repeated. "What is it about me that is so repulsive that people just do not want to stay?"

"Ianto … Jack left us all. It's not because of you, Sweetheart."

"I know he left us all. I know you're hurting too. But why couldn't he stay? Wasn't I enough? Weren't we important enough for him to say goodbye?"

"Don't torture yourself like that. I'm sure Jack had a good reason to leave …"

"Without even saying anything? Not even a stinking post-it?" Ianto all but shouted. His voice was faltering and his eyes were welling up.

Toshiko suddenly felt really uncomfortable. Fully knowing what it felt like to be apart from your loved ones, she felt sorry for the young man and wanted to make it better. But even though she knew exactly what to do and say, the words and actions just could not come out. She wasn't very good at handling people, she had always preferred computers and what not. She cared deeply about her friends but when something like this happened, she always felt inadequate. All she wanted to do is run outside the office and fetch Gwen; she'd know what to do. But judging by her response to Jack and Ianto's relationship, Tosh thought it might not be the best thing to do. Also, besides Jack, Tosh was the one closest to the archivist. Maybe because they were both reserved and quiet. Or maybe because she was one of the few that actually made the effort to get to know him.

She hesitated a moment but then walked to the couch at the very end. She pulled Ianto down and urged him to rest his head on the pillow on her lap. Absently minded, she stroke his hair and let him cry out his worries. "It's not your fault Ianto."

"Maybe not, but he didn't stay for me either. He knows how much I've suffered the last months. Why would he make it worse? Doesn't he care?"

"I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt us."

"I guess you were right. I guess I don't deserve him and I never will."

"I don't know Yan, I really don't. I'm the last to give advice about romance."

'Romance? That's a right laugh! Owen's right. All he did was screw me over his desk whenever he liked it. I was a fool to think he gave a shit about anyone but himself. I guess I had it coming. The way I treated him." Ianto bitterly laughed. "But … he promised me Tosh. He promised he would be here for me until I was better. He promised me he wouldn't be the same like the others. He'd stay with me."

"I know, Baby. Hush, you're hurting yourself more like this." Tosh said to try and sooth him. In the corner of her eye she saw Owen and Gwen standing in the doorframe holding on the each other.

"It was getting better you know." Ianto said through his tears. "Then that thing came and he died and I was back to where I was before. He's our boss you know. He cared for us and suddenly he was gone. And then he came back and I was so happy. WE were all happy. I thought he was happy as well, glad to be back with us. But now we found he CHOSE to leave us. Does that mean he never cared for us? Or for this place? What are we going to do Tosh? We can't handle Torchwood without him! Tosh, I can't lose another lover. I don't want to be that guy anymore."

"I know Baby. You won't." Tosh whispered.

"We won't let you." Gwen suddenly said. She came into the room and sat on the floor beside Tosh and Ianto. She rubbed his back soothingly and listened to the sad words.

Owen followed her lead and draped a blanket over Ianto, tucking the young man so he wouldn't get cold. "Hush boy," he said. "Try and get some sleep. We've all gone through too much the last couple of days."

He sat next to Gwen and rested his head against the couch. He pulled Gwen into a hug and urged her to lean against him.

Toshiko looked at her colleagues, sad and broken, and felt rage building up inside of her. That burning anger was directed at one particular person: Jack Harkness. She grabbed Ianto's hand and caressed it gently.

"Listen up guys," she said. "Ianto's right. This is going to get tough without Jack. But we have each other and we're going to stick together. Nothing can hurt us as long as we work as a team."

The three coworkers nodded and simultaneously Owen and Gwen brought their hands to Tosh's and Ianto's linked hands.

The four Torchwood agents sat in the dark and contemplated their faith whilst they tried to take comfort in each other's presence. What are they going to do now that their fearsome leader had abandoned them?


	57. Chapter 57 : The memory of you part 2

Note: Okay, so was writing this chapter again and I went overboard. So instead of two, this story will have three parts! Aren't I eager? Hope you like this! I was touched by all the wonderful reviews :)

THANK YOU!

* * *

"Good riddance." Jack angrily muttered under his breath as he watched glowing golden light take away John Hart. His heart cringed as he saw him disappear. Not because he had missed him. No, not at all, but because John had unburied Jack's past and had opened up old wounds that had been burnt shut a long time ago. 'John, you bastard,' he thought. 'I gave up being that person a long time ago. You were a part of my life when I was … him, not me. I never want to be him again. And you show up and I feel myself slipping into him with such an ease'.

He shuddered as distant memories suddenly came to mind. The horrendous things he had experienced with John, the things he saw, the things he had _done. _All in the name of the Time Agency. Like the loyal soldier he was, Jack knew first hand how easy it is to resort to cruelty to bring a mission to a successful ending. No matter who got hurt. Oh, how easy it was just to put your humanity and guilt aside and blame it on the Agency. After all, if he was ordered to do those things, he can't possible be blamed for them. The responsibility did not lie with him but with the agency. Bitterly he thought how easy it was for the Agency to brainwash their recruits into thinking they were doing a good thing. In the end they did accomplish greatness but it did not excuse them for turning honest people into liars, thieves and even murderers.

In the name of war and love, anything was permitted. Actions were brushed aside if missions were successfully finished. Many followed but none even resisted the regime. Like brainless idiots, a modern day human Cyberman.

Jack felt bile rise as he remembered how _good_ it used to feel to be that person, to lie, betray, torture and kill. He may dismiss the things he had done because they ordered him to. But he can't dismiss the emotion behind it. He remembered laughing whilst he had slaughtered men and women for the sake of a mission. An evil laugh as well, like in those bad 80's horror movies. No matter how much good he has done since, nothing will ever erase the past. Nothing.

He shivered. A year of being held captive at the mercy of a psychopath only to realize that he was the same person once upon a time. He hated John, not because he resented his careless and wicked nature but because he is the spitting image of what he used to be.

He lied to him, that much is sure. He did still love him, with all his heart. Just like he still loved all his girlfriends and boyfriends. It didn't matter that they had all parted ways, he still cared for them and he doubted he'd ever stopped caring. But for everything there's a time and a place. He had learned to accept that the hard way.

And still, one thing bugged him: John _knew _him. John knew how dark his heart and soul could be. Yet John had accepted and loved him. He doubted anyone else knew him like John did. But then again, he wasn't that guy anymore. So maybe it was just melancholy that drove him to these gloomy thoughts.

With just a kiss, John had reminded him of who he was, used to be and could be. Of what he had done, will or could do. It encouraged Jack but also scared him. How easy it is to lose control and return to your old ways. One thing gave him courage: he had promised himself to be a better person and to stand up for everything he thought was wrong. Or even more important, he had promised the Doctor.

He turned around and saw his team staring at him. Jack couldn't help the longing smile that crept on his lips. 'Home,' he thought, 'I'm finally home. The one place I dreamed of, the people I desired to be around. Finally here. I may not be able to dance beneath the stars on Omega 9 or fly in the wind on planet Crujamix but it is were my heart longed to be. No matter what I have seen, nothing compared to the warmth I feel when I joke around with Owen, discus ethics with Gwen, debate technology with Toshiko or just lock eyes with Ianto'.

He sighed deeply. A sigh of relief, despair and exhaustion. It had been a very long year, one that seemed to drag on forever and it was finally over. All the pain, hurt and despair he and his friends had endured on the Valiant could be forgotten if he could just hang around these wonderful creatures. His team. He loved all of them. Toshiko, Owen, Gwen and Ianto. _His _Ianto. He had even missed that damned Pterodactyl and Janet.

His smile soon faded as he noticed the anger and disappointment he saw in his friends' eyes. None of them mimicked his own relief, happiness and love. Bitterly, he laughed as he realized that just because he was home, it did not mean his friends would just forgive him that easily. He left, without a word, for god knows how long. For all they knew he could have disappeared for months on end to go bathe in the sun on some unpronounceable planet. But of course, he hadn't. He'd been stuck in hell thousands miles above them.

They didn't know that and they didn't need to. What good would it do if they knew that he'd been imprisoned, chained to a wall, stripped of his bare necessities and tortured every day for a year. It would only bring them pain. Because of him, they had suffered enough. If there was anything he could do to spare them, Jack would do anything. So he had decided to keep his mouth firmly shut.

He could not explain where he had been and he could not explain who John Hart was or what he represented. More lies and more secrets. That's all he seemed to be. But in the end, it was worth it. They would be happier not knowing.

The world pressed heavy on his shoulders but he was used to it. He had always been the one that took care of others, made the impossible decisions that no one dared to make and also took the blame for them. Even more so since Alex handed him the throne to Torchwood. He didn't want it, never had. But he was stuck with it and he knew it was the right thing to do. He was helping people and keeping them safe. At his own expense but he never complained. He had to make amends and what better way to do that than to save the world on a regular basis.

Suddenly he felt the pressing urge to run into his bunker and hide under the covers. Just resting with no sound and no one around. Maybe with Ianto, he always knew how to calm him down, without even so much as breaking a sweat. Just one simple touch or kiss on the cheek and he felt calm and safe. He regretted never having told him that. But hopefully he'll get another chance.

He caught a glimpse of Ianto's perfectly flawed blue eyes and grunted. 'Maybe in the future. Very distant future' he thought to himself.

For the time being, I'll just settle for lying down on a bed. It had been a long time since he was allowed to lay down to rest, instead of standing or sitting. That had been one of the Master's greatest outlets. Knowing Jack had to sleep upright until he just collapsed to the floor in exhaustion. And then it was time. Time to get the knives out and play.

Home. Bed.

Two simple words that suddenly meant the world to Jack. Then he remembered one crucial thing. "Great, now we have to avoid ourselves." he shouted at no one in particular as he took big angry steps towards the SUV. He found himself quickly surpassed by Owen and Gwen, both putting a stop to his intention, more out of routine than anything else, to take the lead and drive. Owen got in the driver's seat and Gwen took place beside him, not even looking back at Jack.

Toshiko opened the door for him and waited until he had settled in the backseat. She got in and sat by his side, smiling bravely at Jack.

"Tosh, I …" Jack started.

"Later." She said, nearly barked. With a more sympathetic smile she added: "We're all tired."

Jack nodded but Toshiko did see the glimpse of disappointment in his eyes. Jack was feeling rejected and Toshiko knew it.

For a quick moment he grabbed his hand and squeezed it, just to let him know she was glad he was back. A little gesture but it meant the world to Jack.

He smiled at her and felt his heart lighten. He loved her so and nothing in the world meant more to him than earning her respect. His beautiful, smart and graceful Toshiko. If there's one woman he thought deserved everything she wanted, it was _his Toshi. _He hardly recognized her when he remembered how she was after he saved her from UNIT. He had given her a new life, job and a new lease of life. She had become better because of Jack. His face split in two as he realized that he had also become better because of her.

With a heavy sigh he slumped next to Toshiko. He leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds around him: Owen's fingers nervously tapping on the steering wheel, Gwen rummaging through her bag, Ianto's voice on the phone, cars honking and accelerating in the distance. It could be any other night in Cardiff, except that it wasn't. It was the night that Captain Jack Harkness came back to Torchwood.

"Oi Tea-boy, hurry up!" Owen shouted out of the window, startling everyone out of their daydreams.

"Hang On! Am making reservations for us." Ianto responded.

"Somewhere nice?" Gwen asked.

Ianto grinned. "Hilton hotel sound nice enough?"

The only reply that came was Gwen widely grinning back at him.

"Make sure the other car gets picked up." Owen grunted.

Owen anxiously waited for Ianto to finish that phone call. In the rear view mirror he saw Jack looking back at him. He resisted the urge to give him a nod – or to turn around and strangle him. He just stared at him for a second longer than normal and then grunted once more. He was in a foul mood and Captain America and his boyfriend did nothing to better it. His hip still throbbed like crazy, despite the few rounds of Demerol he had injected himself with. All he wanted to do was shower and sleep. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Jack watched Owen's face harden in the mirror and felt his icy stare grip tightly around his heart. They'd never been that close but there was always this mutual respect and loyalty. With a grave heart Jack thought that he might have lost that. After all, in his eyes what kind of friend had he been? For all he knew, he just left them behind in the mess that was Torchwood with deadly enemies and hazardous paper work.

Ianto stepped inside the car and firmly shut the door behind him. "Five rooms ready for us at the Hilton. You have to drive to Newport though."

"Am on it." Owen responded, nodding in the rear view mirror. "As fast as I can."

Ianto let his head fall back and he closed his eyes. Determined not to be overcome with emotions about the past few hours - and more pressingly Jack's return - he concentrated about what he wanted to eat. "Steak and chips," he murmured. "God yes. A nice steak with big, greasy chips."

Toshiko gave him a confused look. "What are you on about?"

"Am starving Tosh," Ianto said with a pout. "And that's what I'm going to do first. Eat one hell of a big steak with a fuckload of chips."

"Language." Gwen warned.

"Sorry mum," Ianto sarcastically countered. "Yes, steak and chips. Yum."

Ianto closed his eyes once more and dreamed about his dinner. Despite his best efforts, his mind wandered back to Jack. He had never experienced so many ambiguous feelings at the same time. Not even when he willingly betrayed the whole team for Lisa, had he been so torn.

He loved everything about Jack and being apart from him grieved him so. The past couple of months have been really hard on him, especially because he had lost the one thing that kept him standing. Since Lisa, Jack had been his rock and his trusted friend – against all odds. Slowly they had grown closer until one night they had found themselves in bed together. Neither men regretted the decision and it didn't take long for Ianto to completely lose himself in everything that made Jack the man he was today. He had grown so accustomed to his presence that his sudden disappearance shocked him. He was finally beginning to trust people again, to like and love them. Finally, he could breath.

And then he left. Ianto hated him for that, a real burning hatred that stirred his world.

But at the same time, Jack was back. Back with the team and within reach. Ianto was a little rattled at how much Jack had changed. Physically Jack had lost a lot of weight, he looked tired and pained. He didn't resemble the action hero he remembered him to be. But more surprisingly, emotionally he was a different man. He had finally admitted how he felt about Ianto. A small smile crept on his lips as he remember being with him in that office.

'Jack's back' he thought to himself. 'And he came back for me. Maybe things will turn out good after all'.

Jack looked over Toshiko's head and saw Ianto's head slumped back with his eyes closed. 'He looks good' he thought. 'Really good. He's wearing a pink shirt. Never saw him in pink before. Suits him, at least the Ianto I know. The funny and cheerful one he was turning into before I left'.

He pondered about the possible ways he could apologize to him. He didn't really want to because he had a good explanation for leaving. Unfortunately, he couldn't share that with him. He didn't want to apologize but he will. One look in this gorgeous but hurt eyes made him regret running after the Doctor in a second. Last thing Jack wanted to do was leave Ianto when he clearly still needed his support. Last thing he wanted to do is hurt Ianto like everyone else in his life. All he wanted to do was hug him tight and chase away his demons in the hope that Ianto could help him fight off his shadows.

He didn't like to admit it, but he needed the young man. He was falling for him and he knew it. But that did not mean he had to like it. If he could, he would resist it every step of the way because falling for someone means pain. Pain of losing them.

Because in the end Jack was alone with far too many graves to visit. But of course, he could do nothing to resist the temptation of love. He just hoped that there was a way he could earn his trust back.

Jack heard Ianto sigh and he shivered. A memory forced his way to the surface, causing his throat to close up. The memory of Ianto at the mercy of the Master, pointing a gun at his beautiful boy. Jack had screamed that day. He'd always refrained from granting the Master that satisfaction. But that day he had screamed for hours on end and he had begged for mercy. The Master just cackled and pulled the trigger.

For the rest of the year every night Jack woke up screaming with one image burnt on his retina: himself sitting in a pool of sickeningly red blood whilst cradling his dead lover in his arms. That was the day the Master had broken Jack. That was the day the Doctor had decided that there was one thing he could not fix.

Jack looked out the window and tried to focus on something else but the pain. He didn't know where it came from or whether it was emotional or physical. A year of being the Master's play toy had learned that it didn't really matter. Pain was pain and the only thing to do in case it threatened to overwhelm you, is to shut down your brain and concentrate on something else. Usually it had been Ianto, but now that he was less than a feet away, Jack felt Ianto was further than he had been during the last year.

He felt it coming for him again, the darkness. The overpowering pull of death reaching for him. He felt the uncontrollable fear that instantly gripped him each time the Master fatally wounded him. But this time a small little light flickered inside him: Ianto had agreed to go on a date with him.

Suddenly, a sharp pain cut through his body and he hissed loudly. He steadied his breathing and rested his head against the seat in front of him. 'Not again,' he thought. 'No now. Not so soon.'

But the rest of the team, all wrapped up in their own thoughts, remained oblivious to Jack's pain.

Toshiko, who sat between Ianto and Jack, looked straight ahead and focused on the road in front of her. She felt the tension in Ianto's body, his arms stiff and hands clenched into fists, and knew that her friend wasn't doing too well. But on the other side, he also felt Jack's nervous fidgeting. For a moment, she contemplated the idea of reaching out to him again. But then she thought about the night he left and how she cradled Ianto in her arms and later Gwen until their tears had dried and the anger rose again. So, stubbornly she ignored Jack and kept on looking straight ahead.

Gwen rested her head against the window and she felt the reverberations of the car run through her body. The rhythmic feeling of it curiously calmed her down. 'The prodigal leader had come home and brought along his mess. John fucking Hart' she bitterly thought to herself. She nearly died once again because of Jack fucking Harkness. But she knew that once she looked into those big blue eyes, she would immediately forget why she was angry. Why did he have to look that good and be that charismatic?

She snorted loudly and turned to her side. 'Bloody Torchwood'.

Owen was trying his best to get the team safe and sound to Newport. A lot had happened and it was clear that each member was trying to process the new developments at this very moment. You could cut the tension with a knife and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Angrily he looked at the backseat through the rearview mirror: Ianto lost in thought, Toshiko staring in front of her with eyes filled with angry tears and Jack was hiding his face in his hands. He frowned as he saw sweat accumulate on his boss' brow and suddenly gasped as he saw the dark stains on his coat.

"Jack, are you hurt?" he blurted out.

"I'm alright." Jack's faltering voice said.

Toshiko's head snapped to her right and as the color drained from her face, Owen's suspicions had been confirmed.

"Jack, you're bleeding." Toshiko yelled. "Your back?"

Jack touched his sore back and seconds later pulled his hand back. Blood seeped between his fingers and he cursed loudly. "Shit, I must've gotten hit by shards of the bomb."

He quickly took his coat off and Tosh inspected the wound. "Oh Jack."

Jack swallowed hard. "It's okay. Been through worse."

"Owen, we need to stop." Ianto said as he stared at Jack's ghostly pale face. "He's losing tons of blood."

"Stopping might be … a good idea." Jack said with a weak smile.

When they stopped, Jack was the first to stumble out of the car. He immediately fell to his knees and blood soon pooled underneath him. He was coughing badly, blood tainting his lips, as his lungs filled with blood, leaving no room for oxygen.

"You stupid idiot!" Owen shouted as he approached the Captain. "Why didn't you tell us?! I could've helped you!"

Ianto rushed to his side and Jack instinctively grabbed his hand. "Ianto … sorry." He whispered.

"Shush, not now." Ianto said, trying his best not to panic. "You're going to be fine."

"No, I'm about to … to … die. Lungs …. Blood." Jack managed to mutter.

"No!" Ianto shouted as he took Jack into his arms. "No, you're not. Owen's going to fix you up …"

He looked up at the medic who shook his head.

"Sorry," Owen whispered. "There's nothing I can do. The bits of metal are in too deep and by the time we get to the Hub …"

"No!" Ianto screamed at him. "Come on Jack, just hold on."

He stopped his ranting when he felt a cold hand on his face. He looked down and into Jack's fading but still sparkling eyes. "Don't worry," he said breathlessly. "I'll come back. For you. And the rest. But always you. I promise."

With those words, Jack's body slowly went limp. After all that fighting, the strong Captain succumbed to the injuries he had so easily ignored.

Ianto stared in fright at the dead man in his arms. "No, no, no … why now? We just got you back and now you're leaving us again." He shook Jack's body violently but no response came. "Come on. Come back to me Jack. Please! I can't lose you again. It's not fair."

"Ianto, we need to get off the streets." Gwen said, taking back control. "Come on, let's put in him the SUV until we know what to do with him."

Together they all placed Jack's body back in the SUV. Ianto hurriedly sat next to him and cradled the body, not daring to let go.

Once driving again, a deafening silence filled the minutes. There was a distinct sense of mourning, loss and death in the air. But neither noticed because they were all grieving. Their friend was dead, hours after finally being reunited with him

"His body is still not cold. You think he might come back?" Toshiko asked.

"He's done so before." Owen replied.

"He said he died a lot when he was away." Gwen added. "And always came back."

A sad sobbing voice said the one thing the team were all thinking: "He has to come back. He promised." Ianto said as he held on to Jack's lifeless body, the blood seeping into his own clothes and hair.

* * *

Jack revived with a loud gasp in Ianto's arms. Owen abruptly halted the car with screeching tires. They all turned to face Jack, who was still taking in large gulps of air.

"You came back." Toshiko said with a frightened voice.

"Of course I came back kid." Jack replied with his typical Harkness-smile. "You really think I'd leave you alone with Owen behind the wheel?"

"You fucking idiot." Owen barked. "I've never been so happy to hear your arrogant voice."

Owen, Tosh and Gwen laughed but Ianto didn't. He just held on to Jack as tight as he could.

* * *

Ianto sat in the beautiful lobby of the prestigious Hilton Hotel, surrounded by posh and rich people chatting cheerfully. He would've stuck out like a sore thumb because his clothes were wrinkled and still a bit bloodied. Not to mention his foul mood and visible tear marks on his cheeks. But as smart as Ianto Jones was, he had chosen his location carefully. He stood in the furthest right corner, far away from any light so passers-by could only make out a strange figure sitting on the couch. They would've easily dismissed him for a grumpy foreigner who had come to Newport to be alone. Little did he know that this man was part of a team of people that had saved their lives so many times.

He was lost in thought when a familiar odor caught his attention. He closed his eyes as the scent caressed his senses in the most delicious way.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Jack asked whilst holding out a plate of chips and a big steak.

Ianto smiled weakly. "Why? Would you care what I was thinking?"

"Yes, I do. I always appreciated your input. You know that."

"No, Jack, I don't. And I never have." Ianto responded bitterly. "Never will probably."

"Ianto …"

"No Jack." Ianto interrupted. "Whatever it is that you want, the answer is no."

Ianto stood up to leave but halted as he heard Jack's voice falter. "I've missed you."

The young man sighed deeply and blinked back fresh tears. "I've missed you too. A lot. I've missed everything about you, even your cocky, arrogant and smug smile." he added with a bitter tone.

"I'm here now." Jack quietly said.

"You are, but I can't do this right now. I'm too tired. I need time. And space."

"Take it Ianto. As long as you need. You know where to find me. I'll be here."

"Speaking of which SIR, why are you here?"

"Oh you know … just hanging around … hoping … in case you fall for me."

Ianto was taken aback by the sudden honesty. He knew Jack wasn't lying, he could see it in his eyes. "I'm sorry Jack." he whispered.

"Don't be, I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"But you're not."

"No, I'm not." He responded. "I thought I would but I'm not going to. I had to go and there was no other way."

Jack paused and observed the people around them. He thought it was quite funny how easily people ignored others. Two men drenched in blood were standing in a lobby of one of the most posh hotels and no one but the guy behind the counter seemed to notice. "What I do regret is that you got hurt. You and the team mean everything to me. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you all safe. I honestly didn't mean to be away for so long but hey, you know how time travel iget." Jack ignored the confused look on Ianto's face. He sighed deeply, something he had been doing far too much lately. "I broke your heart didn't I?"

Ianto, still standing up and refusing to sit next to Jack, huffed. "Don't get too cocky … but yeah. That's why I need some time. I don't know what to do Jack. Or think. I'm back on my arse again and for once I will not rely on others to bring me back."

"I understand," Jack replied. "You've had your heart broken far too many times this year. And a lot of the time I was the culprit. So by all means, take the time you need."

Ianto smiled in thanks and started to walk away again.

"You do still owe me a dinner and a date though." Jack cheekily said.

Ianto turned to face him and he did not know whether he wanted to smack him or kiss him. One side of him was glad he mentioned it because it showed that the gesture was genuine. The other side though was annoyed because it was hardly the time nor place to bring it up. But then again, Jack had never learned how to act appropriately and oddly enough it was one of his most charming qualities.

"I'll be just as glad if we went as friends." Jack continued. "Please, sit down and eat your dinner. I got an earful out of Gwen and Owen because they worry so much. I needed to get away from them. Tosh … is locked in her room and refusing to talk to anyone."

"She just needs to relax a bit," Ianto replied. "She'll be alright. She's been doing that a lot lately."

"Good to know. Was worried about my girl." Jack mumbled. "Please Ianto, eat your food. You wanted it so much and I know you haven't eaten anything today."

Ianto glanced at the plate and unwillingly he heard his stomach rumble. Against his will he sat down to eat. Jack took this as a cue to leave but as soon as he started to get up, a hard hand forced him down.

"You want me to stay?" he nervously asked.

"Like I said, I've missed you." Ianto replied. He leaned in and kissed Jack on the lips, soft and lovingly. "Look, I'm not saying 'no', definitely not saying 'no', there is no way we could ever be just friends. But this time round, I need answers. A lot of them. And I need you to tell me stuff. I can't go back to … being whatever I was. An occasional shag, stress-relief, call it whatever you want. I can't be that guy anymore. I've gone through so much, too much. I don't know if I can take being 'just that guy' anymore. I'm not asking you to be faithful but I know where I stand and if I am appreciated. I need honesty, Jack. After all the lies and deceit, I need honesty. I don't want to lie and hide anymore. I want to be … me. If that's not what you want then we have to end it because I can't go on like that."

"It's what I want too," Jack hurriedly answered. "I'd love you to be yourself around me. I really would. I want to get to know you better, Ianto Jones. And I want you to get to know me better. Not just physically, but on a deeper level. Whatever you're selling, I'm buying. As far as you're concerned, I'm all in. You made things better, I've learned that when I was away. Yan, the things I've seen the past year … they frighten me. I thought of you and it was better. I was better. And you know I don't scare easily."

"Besides spiders in the bathtub."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, they are disgusting."

Jack chuckled lightheartedly. "Seriously, everything you need, I want to give it to you. I don't want to say too much about where I've been …"

"Jack …"

"I'm sorry Ianto. It's still early days for me and I'm not sure you actually want to know … but I do know this. You've been with me every day since I left, especially when it got bad. Because I remembered. I remembered all the things you did for me. Every time I had a bad day, you were there with a cup of coffee and a smile to make it better. Without being asked. And god, even when Estelle died, you stayed behind. Even though you were hurting so much, you just stayed. I promised myself one thing. If I succeeded into coming back and beating that awful man, I'd be better for you. I'd be the boss, friend and lover you deserve."

Ianto was lost for words. The only way he could think of replying, was just giving into his feelings. He leaned in and kissed Jack's softly and the Captain was more than willing to just fall into the intimate gesture.

As they parted they rested their heads against each other. "I've missed this, " Jack whispered through a sigh. "So much."

"That, amongst other things." Ianto responded, winking at Jack.

Jack chuckled and sniped some fries off Ianto's plate. "You've changed."

"Have I now?"

"Yeah, you're more confident."

"Oh," Ianto grinned, "That would be Owen's influence. Taught me how to make waffles as well."

"You're even more precise, if that's possible." Jack added.

"That's Tosh."

"And a lot more pushy." Jack continued, grinning lazily.

"Gwen." Ianto nodded.

"You've got balls kid. But then again, I always thought that."

"Well you left Jack. We were all alone and I saw my friends struggling to cope. So I stepped up. I'm not blaming you but that's how it is. You left us and we had to adapt. Besides I'm not the only one who's changed."

"Moi?" Jack asked with and incredulous look on his face.

"Yes, you. You'd never have asked me on a date before you went away."

"You don't know that!"

"Jack, come on. We both know what I was to you."

"Hey!" Jack sharply said, causing people's heads to turn. "You were never …" Jack closed in on Ianto. "You were never just another on the list."

He kissed Ianto on the cheek, stroke his hair back and stood up. "Whenever you're ready, you know where to find me Ianto Jones."

Jack walked away from him, leaving Ianto behind with his half eaten steak and chips and still tasting his wonderful Captain on his lips.


	58. Chapter 58: The memory of you part 3

Note: Sorry for the long delay. This chapter did not want to be written.

Bit of Gwen-bashing but not too bad, I hope lol. She just really pisses me off in "Kiss Kiss, Ban Bang".

Review please, they make me smile.

Final part will be up soon!

* * *

Jack stood in his office, perched on his desk whilst swirling tepid coffee in his favorite cup, and stared outside into the main are of the Hub.

Gwen sat by her desk and chatted cheerfully with an intrigued and laughing Owen. Toshiko sat beside them with her back facing the pair, typing vigorously away at her computer. Occasionally, a small smile played on Tosh's lips and Jack realized she must've been listening in on Owen and Gwen's conversation. He saw her turn to them and say something but he could not make out what. The pair laughed at her comment, causing Toshiko to beam.

The sight warmed Jack's heart, causing him to smile instinctively. Exactly that is why he declined the Doctor's invite, that is why he chose to come and stay home. To be part of everyday life, even if their jobs could not be considered 'normal'.

Jack smiled as he watched them go about their business. He was proud of each and everyone of them and loved them dearly, even if he would never tell them.

Owen, who was as brilliant as he was a bully, always had his back. No matter what they had gone through he had followed Jack's lead without a hitch. He never saw a glimpse of distrust before the mutiny that lead to the rift being fully opened. Jack realized that Owen had questions about his past but he never thought that his concerns were grave enough that the young medic would lose trust in him completely. Or maybe Jack never wanted to see it. It was so much easier to brush it off and to pretend the hint of disapproval in Owen's eyes just wasn't there. Owen's actions had shocked Jack deeply. He never thought one of his own would turn on him that badly but his trusted medic did. However, Jack forgave him without hesitation. Because he knew how powerful the vision must have been. He knew it would take something big to sway his friend.

Clumsy as he was, Owen dropped his stethoscope but it was quickly picked up by Toshiko who returned it to his rightful owner with a polite smile.

Jack grinned at the thought of Toshiko. He loved everything about her. His secret gem. He had dragged her out of the pisshole UNIT put her in and he had saved and trained her.

As if she needed to be trained! The only thing she needed was proper equipment. Jack trusted her completely and let her do her own thing, fully knowing that his brilliant girl will always come up with the answers. He watched her dig herself out of the pits of hell and grow into the beautiful flower she was; graceful, charming and intelligent. He was so proud of her and he could not imagine a day where he no longer was graced by her presence. It grieved him so that one day he will have to lose her. _His _precious Toshi.

Gwen suddenly waved at him and startled his train of thought. She smiled at him with that adorable grin that perfectly showed off the gap between her teeth. He smiled contently back at her and raised his hands to wave.

In his mind, Gwen was another Rose. They were both so similar but so unique in their own way. They had both shaken him until he was forced to change – for the better. The humanity in her was overpowering and Jack could not help but follow her down that path. He had to, he made a silent pledge with the Doctor to preserve that what is good. Also, Gwen never was one to take no for an answer.

Despite Jack's best efforts, Torchwood was far from good. He had changed the institution when he unwillingly inherited the throne but it wasn't until Gwen joined that he had finally set the basis for a new and improved Torchwood.

On a more personal note, Gwen intrigued Jack. As beautiful and strong minded as she was, she proved to be temptation for Jack. He wanted, loved and needed her. But he'd never cross that line. He couldn't and wouldn't. She belonged with Rhys and he had no intention of ruining that. He was many things but he strongly believed in love. He had never broken up a relationship that was steady and true so he wasn't about to start now.

It wasn't until he pondered about his own past relationships that he noticed it wasn't necessarily Gwen herself that he wanted, but more what she represented. She was and had everything he had wanted but couldn't have. A life with someone you love, a steady home, friends and most of all, brutal honesty. She would never have to lie about her past, never had to hide things in order for her loved ones to be safe … that was until she had joined Torchwood. His heart ached as he realized that the one thing that was remarkable about her, soon will fade. All because of him.

Jack suddenly found his office being overrun by his coworkers – minus Ianto. They made themselves comfortable on his couch which caused Jack to frown.

He had noticed Ianto leave and he could not help the disappointed pout he formed when Ianto had stopped by an hour ago with the last cup of coffee of the night. Like the polite gentleman that he was, he had informed Jack that he would not be able to stick around tonight. Jack had tried probing for the 'why' but Ianto had remained tightlipped about his whereabouts.

With a sigh, he had said goodnight. But not before receiving a delicate kiss on the cheek.

Jack had kept his promise. Since the night they talked in the lobby, Jack had kept his distance. He let Ianto steer their relationship into whatever direction he wanted and Jack was more than willing to just kick back in the backseat. There had been the occasional snog but it was always initiated by Ianto. He didn't want to impose on the young man and in his attempt to 'do things right this time round', he had backed off but not without sending subtle signs now and again. For example, he had left a single rose near his coffee machine with a little note that said 'just because'.

Simple and effective. A sign of affection but without imposing. Whenever Ianto was ready, he'd be there. Without a hesitation.

Ianto appreciated the space and time. He appreciated that for once he was in charge of their relationship. For once he had been given time to process his own thoughts and emotions without feeling rushed. And most of all, he loved the way Jack's subtle little gestures so easily made his stomach flip.

"Is there something I can help you with?" he asked, eyebrows quirked in question when he saw the team making themselves at home in his office.

"Nope, you just sit with us and join us whilst we watch the movie." Toshiko answered.

"Movie?" Jack questioned.

"Yes, it's this thing we do now. Every week we watch a movie together." Gwen replied, her lips slowly turning into a smirk. "We've decided that now you're back, your office would be a better place to watch it. More comfy … you've got a better couch than the one back there. Plus, less of a chance that you'll run out on us and skip movie night."

"Why?" Jack asked as he sat down on the couch beside Toshiko. He smiled gratefully and she huddled closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder. "Movie night?" he added with a shrug.

Jack felt rather dumb when Gwen patronizingly explained to him the concept of 'Thursday night, movie night'. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes dramatically – something he had picked up from Ianto - and let her rant on about this new thing they did. He indulged her and played along, even if it was just to humor her. It's not like he has never heard of an idea such as 'movie night' but he just didn't see the point of it. But according to her, spending some quality time with the team outside of a work situation was suppose to be good for them. A sort of team building exercise. He was a bit apprehensive about team building exercises. Last time he tried to get the team closer, they all ended up on their backs and nearly eaten – and not in the good way.

Jack grinned as he looked at Toshiko and Owen. They both sported a rather bored and annoyed look. It had obviously been one of Gwen's ideas and she had bullied them into participating. Jack knew for a fact that Owen would rather be in some dingy club drinking away his stress and that Toshiko didn't really like watching movies, unless it was one of those old romantic movies in black and white. She was more of a book-girl anyway.

So, the fact that they were all here and participating made him think that maybe Gwen had a point. None of them really wanted to stay but they did, for the sake of their friendship.

Just the thought of them hanging out like friends warmed his heart. On a more sadistic note, he enjoyed the fact that Owen was stuck doing something he did not like – something that he had not yet mastered to get Owen to do.

"So, how do we do this?" Jack asked as he nervously fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

Even though the initial anger from his teammates had faded, it wasn't completely gone. They still made the odd comment and occasionally, he could still hear and see the hurt in their eyes. The fear even, as if they were all frightened he might disappear again.

He knew that he didn't make things easier for them. He had been hesitant about them from the start, always hiding and brooding in his office and only coming out if there was an emergency. He had even skipped a few lunches in the pretence that he had a lot of paperwork to do, just so that he wouldn't have to spend too much time with them.

Not because he didn't want to, but because he just couldn't. He preferred being alone despite his own loneliness. He didn't feel _right _being in their presence. He found it easier to just brood in his office about what he'd gone through than to be around his team and joke with them. Because being with them meant he had to put up that mask of self-pretence. He had to try his hardest to pretend everything was okay. To pretend his world had not shattered into thousand shards of glass that he was trying to glue back together, unsuccessfully. He felt like a fraud, lying about everything and hiding his true self. He just couldn't muster up enough energy to play the happy Captain for a long period of time. His heart was breaking but to protect the ones he loved, he refused to express it.

He avoided Ianto and Gwen the most. He knew that both of them could read him better and in their own way, they could easily break through the highly guarded walls around him. He knew that the moment they realized something was so very wrong that he'd crack.

But he couldn't afford to. Not just yet. He needed to be stronger to keep his emotions in check.

"So, how do we do this?" he repeated.

"Do what?" Gwen curiously inquired whilst she set up the DVD.

"Well movie night." Jack responded, not quite getting why Gwen and the rest were staring at him with big confused eyes.

"Movies night? Well … you sit down on the couch and watch a movie … thought it was self-explanatory." Gwen explained as she shrugged.

Jack frowned. "Right. Not quite what I meant. Are we waiting for Ianto?"

"No … he's taking the night off." Owen casually said. "We used to take one night of the week off, you know to give us some space to breathe. We practically had to force Ianto though. He never wanted to leave this place … sobbing in your office and stuff. You know, hanging around just in case you showed up."

"OWEN!" Gwen snapped.

"What? He should know what he put the bastard through!" Owen hissed through his teeth.

"Owen, I know." Jack responded, his eyes filled with depths of woe. "I know I hurt you all and especially Yan."

Gwen rolled her eyes fiercely at Owen. "Thanks Owen. I can always rely on you to suck the fun out of the room … that's not going to help movie night!"

Jack chuckled at that. He knew that if Ianto was here, he would've been proud of Gwen's sarcastic eye roll.

"All I'm saying is that we'll get to that later. Right now, it's more important … to just enjoy each other. And not point fingers." Gwen explained as she sympathetically smiled at Jack.

For the moment, Jack was feeling better. Now that the pressure was off him to explain where he'd been, he felt relaxed in the company of his team. They laughed and joked and it felt like nothing bad had happened. He heaved a sigh of relief, feeling the world slowly drift from his shoulders. 'Things are looking up' he thought.

He got up from the couch and smiled at the questioning look Toshiko gave him as he broke the hug. "I'll just sit on the chair, I know how Gwen hates feeling wood." Jack said with a mischievous grin.

Gwen punched his arm – clearly not missing the pun- and sat down beside Toshiko. Jack got up and stretched his legs as he felt a cramp building up. He winced at the numerous bruises that suddenly felt all the more present.

The last couple of days had been strenuous. There was a lot of work to be done and his body was still recovering from all the pain he had undergone during the previous year. He didn't understand why but his body didn't heal as fast as it used to, bruises from months ago still tainted his body. The continued trauma had seemingly affected his 'gift', his body could no longer keep up with the need to heal.

He never showed it to anyone, nor did he complain. He knew that Owen would give him a nasty bollocking if he knew the amount of physical pain Jack was in. But the Captain didn't need any attention drawn to him so he found it easier to just stay quiet. At the very least, the pain was nothing like what he had experienced every day for the last year.

He could cope with the physical scars but late at night the shadows returned to haunt him, taunting his mind. He never slept, he didn't eat much and rest was indeed for the wicked, even though his body ached for it. He tried to sleep, fully knowing he'd feel better if he did, but as soon as he laid down, he felt the fear clutch at his throat.

Jack was constantly scared. A deep, threatening and primal fear overwhelmed him day after day. He trembled and shook, screamed in his daydreams as flashbacks imposed on him, felt his throat close up every time those memories came back to him. He was reliving nightmares and memories and he didn't know how to cope. It frightened him that he felt himself crumble. No matter what he had gone through in the past, he had always picked himself up and brushed it off. He had to, he was THE Captain, the one that survived anything. And now he was standing on the edge of a cliff with just a tiny thread holding him to the surface.

It wasn't so much the torture that had affected him, but the amount and the intensity. Day after day, he'd been send to the edge. The Master came close to breaking him and no other had succeeded in that. The Master may have died but the memories still hold a sharp grip on him. How does one forget being physically and emotionally tortured to death every day for a year?

But the one thing that grieved him so was the state of his friendships. Even though the team was acting relatively kind towards him, he knew that they were putting up a mask of lies. He understood they were angry. He understood they were distrustful. But he would have appreciated honesty. He wished they would just come out with their issues instead of the constant snapping, barked comments and whispers behind his back. He was being placed in limbo: not really forgiven but not outcasted either. At the same time, he wasn't ready to be confronted with their pain. He had enough to deal with already.

So when he sat there with his coworkers and they were laughing and generally having a good time, he finally felt relaxed. A moment a peace amidst all that turmoil, as if he was sitting in the eye of a storm.

His thoughts had trailed so far that he had not realized that they were 30 minutes into the movie. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and decided to pay attention. After all, he wanted to give Ianto a full summary and review in the morning.

He followed the movie attentively but scene after scene, he felt his throat close up, as if the Master had his cold and steady hands around him again.

He felt his heart rate double within a minute, the palpitations seemingly pounding against his chest as if the heart was trying to escape. His breath came in deep and fast intakes of air, leaving him breathless as if someone held a pillow over his face, desperately and purposely trying to smother him. He clutched a hand around his throat, trying to relieve the pressure of invisible hands, like ghosts threatening to kill him. There was a noticeable thick layer of cold sweat running down his body causing him to tremble and shakeviolently, his hands barely steady enough to hold on to his beer bottle in his hands.

He gasped loudly as his chest started to hurt from the strenuous breathing. The room around him spun wildly, the furniture swirling around his eyes as if he was dreaming. He tried to get up but he was far too dizzy and lightheaded to hold his weight. His knees buckled and with a loud thud, he fell back into the chair. The bottle crashed to the ground, his fingers too numb to hold on to the object and it was the high pitched noise of glass breaking that finally got the other's attention.

He heard Owen curse loudly and before he knew it, Owen hovering above him, pulling his shirt loose to help him breath. He saw the faces and heard the erratically spoken words, but nothing quite reached him, as if they were spoken from a distance. Nothing seemed to connect with him, except for the terrifying images that fiercely burnt in the back of his mind.

Suddenly everything became too much. Everything around him was too overpowering: the lights were too bright, the voices were too loud, the touches were too forceful and bordering on painful. Within seconds, he had escaped from Owen's grasp, not even realizing he had sent the young Londoner flying whilst he fled to the furthest and darkest corner of the room.

He sat there curled into a ball with his head between his knees, still hyperventilating profusely.

Owen carefully approached Jack, gesturing to Gwen and Tosh to stay behind. "Jack, what's wrong mate?"

Jack didn't respond much, except for an occasional sob or whimper. He didn't know where he was and startled at every noise in his proximity. He saw the faces in front of him but failed to recognize them. In panic, he pushed harder against the wall. He buried his face in his hands and tried to block out every sound, speckle of light and touch. He shivered as the cold sweat cooled against the air in the room, yet he felt heated and flushed. He thought he was going crazy. He felt like he was dying.

"Jack, come on. Tell us. How can we help?" Owen pleaded. He closed the distance between them but stopped as soon as he saw Jack shying even further away from him.

"Leave me." he said softly. "Please."

"We're not going to go away Jack." Gwen firmly said. "Not when you obviously need us." she added in a much softer tone. "We're your friends."

"She's right," Owen continued. "We're all in for the ride Jack. Good and bad."

Toshiko dared to come closer and sat down close to Jack, but not close enough to crowd him. "Jack, would you like me to call Ianto?"

"NO!" Jack barked. "No pressure on him. He doesn't need to know. No one does. Go away please."

"Probably best for Ianto anyway. He doesn't need to be here, he's got his night off." Gwen whispered.

"He'd want to know though." Owen hissed as he glared at the Welshwoman.

"And what will he do that we can't? There's three of us, more than enough to calm him down. Just leave him be and let him enjoy the little free time he has. He NEEDS a life as well. Not everything revolves around Jack and Torchwood!" Gwen retorted angrily. "Get a paper bag. He needs to control his breathing. If not, he'll pass out."

Toshiko and Owen exchanged glances and both wondered why she was putting up such a fight. They both knew that if anything happened to Jack, Ianto would want to know. Not telling him immediately was a sure way to piss off the young archivist and an unpleasant invitation to decaf for a month. Owen shrugged and decided it was more helpful to go get that bag and a sedative.

Toshiko however was feeling really uncomfortable. 'He needs to know, but I guess she has a point. It is his night off. I'll call him as soon as he's better.' she thought to herself.

Gwen sat down in between Toshiko and Jack, silently whispering Welsh nursery rhymes to try and calm him down. "Whatever it is, it's fine Jack. All will be well. We're with you. I promise. Just keep listening to the lullabies."

She reached out a tentative hand and stroke his hair back. Jack flinched at the touch but didn't resist it.

"Gwen, I don't think …" Toshiko started.

"Shhhht! I'm handling it. I know him." Gwen responded proudly. "He'll be fine. Wont you, Sweetheart."

Jack wasn't fooled. Instinctively, and nearly primal, he let out an angry grunt and shied away from everyone, turning his back and facing the wall. He did not want to be touched and talked to. He just wanted to be left in peace and let him deal with his emotions privately.

"Jack, it's okay. We won't come near you." Toshiko soothingly said as she held back Gwen. "But please, try and control your breathing. We're only trying to help."

Owen handed her the bag which she put next to Jack. He reached for it carefully and hesitantly but followed Owen's instructions to the letter.

Jack's head twitched sideways a few times and he started mumbling something. None of the team could make out what he was saying but they knew it wasn't good.

They became eerily silent, all lost in their own thoughts and looking at their Captain on the verge of a nervous breakdown, not quite knowing what to do to make it easier for him. They were shocked and appalled to see their strong leader crumble so suddenly and so fast. They had noticed he was different since he came back but in their anger and disappointment they had brushed it off. There was nothing they could do but stare at him helplessly for any attempt to sooth and lighten the burden were swatted away.

Jack was imprisoned in his personal hell with flashbacks overwhelming his mind and drawing him into a catatonic state in which he stumbled into and fell deeper than he had gone before.

He constantly hit his head against the wall and in between deep breaths into the paper bag, he repeated one sentence over and over again: "You are my Master and I will obey you."

Owen was relieved to see that Jack's wasn't hyperventilating anymore. On a more somber note, he noticed that his friend was crawling further into his shell. He didn't know what to do and he watched the minutes tick by without seeing improvement.

"It's time." Owen said with a deep and pained sigh.

Toshiko nodded, moved to the door and said: "I'll make the call."

"What call?" Gwen asked.

"We're bringing in Ianto." Owen firmly replied.

"How's he going to fix this?"

"Gwen, I know you might like to think you and Jack are close but I get the feeling that he might be the one that can help him most. He knows how to handle him." Owen calmly explained. When he saw Gwen's incredulous face, he added: "Gwen, they're lovers. No one knows you better than your lover, no matter how much you wish it to be different."

Owen ran his fingers through his hair and paced around the office. "This is wrong, very very wrong. I think I know what is going on and if my suspicions are correct, Ianto will know what to do."

"If the three of us couldn't help him, I doubt he will." Gwen resisted. "And I don't wish it differently. I have no desire to come in between them, whatever it is they share. I know that's what you're playing at. I just want what's best for Jack. Don't see how bringing in the one person he did NOT want to see, is going to help."

"It's been 45 minutes, he can't hang on much longer Gwen. This isn't about you, me or Ianto. This is about Jack and what he needs. I don't know what happened and neither do you. I don't think any of us will ever know, including Ianto. But if there's one person that has handled an upset and raging Jack better than anyone, it's our sarcastic sodding Tea-boy. It's not that he doesn't want to see Ianto, it's more like he doesn't want to be seen by Ianto. Not like this. You KNOW he's very proud."

Gwen huffed, not quite believing Owen. "We'll see. But you get to deal with Ianto's nagging when he gets down here and can do nothing."

Owen raised his hands up in surrender, clearly exasperated with Gwen's stubborn streak.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Ianto walked into the room. As he took he coat off, he rated the situation. "What happened?" he hurriedly said.

"Jack started to hyperventilate and quickly went into a full blown panic attack. It was severe but luckily it passed. Since then he's been … not quite himself. He won't let anyone near him. We were hoping you'd be able to calm him down." Toshiko explained.

Ianto frowned but as he noticed Jack – _his Jack _– curled into a terrified ball in the corner, his eyes furiously burnt. "How long has he been like that?" he asked in a gasp.

"About an hour." Gwen diplomatically responded.

"AN HOUR?" Ianto blurted out, his eyes widening to saucers. "And you didn't think to call me sooner?"

The young archivist hurried to Jack, roughly passing Gwen, and knelt before him. "Jack? What happened?"

At the sound of Ianto's voice, Jack slowly looked up, his blue eyes barely visible over his arms.

"Didn't want to ruin your evening Ian. I'm sorry." Jack responded with ragged breaths.

"Oh, don't be sorry, Baby," Ianto murmured. "The only thing I want to do right now is wrap my arms around you and hold you tight."

For a moment, Ianto saw the old Jack, that recognizable twinkle, flicker by in his gorgeous blue eyes. "You there baby?"

Jack sniffed in reply, his eyes darting across the room to see who was still there.

"Is it okay if I come closer?" Ianto asked, his voice low and soothing.

Jack gave a little nod and his lips started trembling when Ianto sat beside him and put a timid arm around his shoulders. He felt Jack shudder under the touch but didn't dare to press further, even though every inch of him wanted to hug him. He waited for Jack to make the first move, wanting to be fully sure that what he did was welcome.

Jack slowly shuffled closer to Ianto and eventually rested his head on his shoulder. He savored the warmth and aroma coming off Ianto's body. It felt soothing, familiar and Ianto's inviting arms provided a safe shelter for Jack to ease back into the here and now.

"What were you guys doing when this happened?" Ianto asked the team, purposely keeping his voice light and airy.

"Just watching a movie." Gwen grumpily replied.

"What movie?"

"Does it matter? Just a stupid movie." Gwen snapped back at Ianto.

"We were watching 'Saw' Ianto." Owen ominously replied. "Saw, of all movies."

Ianto grimaced as both he and Owen realized what had happened.

"Gwen, Tosh … please, could you go and make us some tea." Ianto asked politely.

"What?" Gwen sharply asked. "You can't ask us to leave Jack!"

"Please, I know you care and that you're worried. But I need to be alone with Jack and Owen. I think I know what happened."

Gwen opened her mouth to protest but Toshiko was already dragging her out of the room. "Come on, let the boys deal with this one. We're useless anyway."

The moment they were alone, Owen and Ianto locked eyes. "Looks familiar doesn't it?" Owen asked.

"All too familiar." Ianto worryingly responded.

"That's you at your worst 6 months ago."

"I know." Ianto replied as he stroke Jack's hair back. "I know." he grimly repeated.

Ianto kissed the side of Jack's face and smiled as he felt more than heard Jack sigh contently. "I'm going to get you a blanket okay? You're shivering and your skin feels cold."

Ianto stood up, walked up to the couch and beckoned Owen to come over. "Owen, if he went into a panic attack during that movie, it can only mean that …"

"I know." Owen replied. " Post traumatic stress syndrome triggered by visual stimuli." Owen sighed deeply and he quickly glanced back to the distraught person hugging his knees, a man that hardly resembled the proud and strong Captain he had grown to love. "It's gone long enough. What do you think? Shall I inject him with a sedative?"

"What?!" Ianto squeaked. "No! He's just upset."

"He's not just upset. He's nearly catatonic Ianto."

"I know, but he's better," Ianto whispered. "Injecting him will only make him distrust us. What if he has another panic attack? Then we wouldn't be able to help him anymore."

He walked back to Jack and covered his body with a blanket. Jack snuggled against him again, wrapping his hands around Ianto's waist in his desperate search for comfort. Ianto placed a loving kiss on his forehead and winced as he felt the burning flesh on his lips. "My God baby, what has the world done to you?" he murmured. "My sweetheart."

He felt a weak hand link with his own and suddenly noticed Jack looking up at him. "You okay?" Ianto asked as he tenderly stroke Jack's cheek.

"Not really, but I will be. You're here." Jack softly replied.

"I'll always be here as long as I can baby." Ianto murmured into his hair. "I promise."

"I guess now you know." Jack said, his voice raw with emotion. "You know what happened."

Ianto sighed deeply. "You could have told me that they hurt you badly. I could've helped. WE could have helped."

"You didn't need to know. You'd just be upset."

"Is that a bad thing?" Owen asked carefully.

" I don't want to make your life harder," Jack barked angrily even though he didn't move away. "Torchwood has taken enough from you. All of you."

"Oh Baby, you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own." Ianto replied. "Like Owen implied, being upset that you've gone through horrors is a good thing. That means we all care for you Jack."

"I know," the Captain whimpered. "That's why I didn't want …"

"No! You shouldn't go through this one your own." Owen added, his voice harsh and demanding. He knelt down in front of the pair and sighed. "You need to rest up. Seriously, whatever got such a reaction out of you … it ain't good. Give yourself some time."

"He's right, Cariad," Ianto whispered, intentionally keeping his voice low and soft in contrast to Owen's. "What do you think if we go down to your bedroom and get some rest. Huh? Just you and me."

"No." Jack answered.

"No? You don't want to rest or you don't want me to come with you" Ianto asked, surprised.

"You need time and space."

Ianto chuckled. "Oh baby. The only thing I need is you. As a lover or a friend. I don't care. It breaks my heart to see you like this and all I want is you safe in my arms."

Ianto suddenly broke the contact and stood up, glancing at Jack with a determined look on his face. He reached out a hand to Jack, who immediately accepted the offered hand, and pulled him up.

"Come on, keep going." Ianto said as he dragged Jack out of the room and into his office.

"Where are they going?" Toshiko asked. "How is he?"

"He's better know. Bedroom. Jack's in need of some good ol' fashioned sleep." Owen replied. "And as for you, Gwen. I think you need to be on your best behavior around Ianto. He's very angry that we didn't call him sooner. And in hindsight, we should've. Didn't take him long to get Jack settled."

Gwen huffed. "Yes, yes. I fucked up okay."

"You saw how easily Ianto had calmed him down." Toshiko added. "He's a natural, as if he was born to do this."

"Or maybe, he knows because he went through the same thing … after Lisa."

"Post traumatic stress disorder?" Gwen asked, her face worried.

"Probably yeah."

"What on earth could cause that? What HAS happened whilst we was away?" Toshiko contemplated.

"I don't know, he didn't say," Owen lied. "I doubt we'll ever know. But hopefully he'll confide into lover-boy over there. Or at least someone."


	59. Chapter 59: The memory of you part 4

Note: Final part! Hope you all like it. Reviews make me happy. It's been a shitty time so don't be shy to send me some loving!

* * *

Jack lay down on his small bed and hugged the sheets closely around his body, as if the sheets would protect him against the demons inside his head. He felt the bed dip behind him for a moment before warm and comforting hands snaked around his waist, pulling him closer. He leaned back against Ianto's strong chest and felt his lover's 5 o'clock shadow tickle his skin.

In Ianto's arms he finally felt calm, even though the last hour still left him shaking and trembling like a leaf.

"Mmm," Jack murmured as he snuggled against Ianto. "Feels good."

Ianto chuckled, the sounds reverberating through both men's bodies. "Yeah? Good. At least I'm helping."

"I missed this," Jack murmured shyly. "You holding me."

"You okay?" Ianto softly asked, not quite able to identify the emotion in Jack's voice.

"Yeah," Jack replied. Ianto couldn't see Jack's face but he could hear the smile in his voice. "I like spending time with you. Not doing anything but hold each other. It's comfortable, familiar."

He sighed contently as he felt Ianto brush a kiss on his cheek. "I … I just didn't expect to … you know freak out. Not like that."

Instinctively, Ianto tightened his grip around Jack's waist. The memory of seeing his lover so utterly devastated and haunted by past experiences had shook him to the core, breaking his heart in unrecognizable pieces. It also brought back many memories of his own experiences. Of him completely losing himself in his grief over Lisa and Jack's arms around him as he fell to pieces.

"It's okay. I understand. I very much understand. It's like an avalanche coming at you and the only thing you have to try and stop it is a lousy tennis racket." Ianto responded. He pulled the older man closer to his body and rested his forehead on his shoulder, savoring the moment and relishing in its tenderness.

"How did you get through it?" Jack asked as he wiped his tears with the cool sheet. He felt ridiculous now that the worst part was over. He's gone through so much and it never bit him in the rear like this. He felt like a little boy who had suddenly lost his security blanket. It didn't make any sense to him. Why did he freak out like that? Why was he still trembling? It's surely wasn't the first time he had been tortured and it probably won't be the last. So why is the memory of the Master so painful?

"I just don't get why it's so hard to deal with things now." Jack rolled his eyes at his whiny voice and felt a bit embarrassed that he had to ask his much younger lover how to deal with his experiences.

Ianto laughed quietly. It wasn't a laugh to mock Jack, neither was it to sound patronizing. He just felt overcome with a sense of absurdity. A man of over 200 years old was asking the ever reserved Ianto Jones about life and feelings. " You know for someone who's so smart and has seen so many amazing things, you can be quite the idiot. You're exhausted, Jack. You're finally running out of batteries. Everything is so much more worse when you're physically run down. Why do you think Owen keeps telling to sleep! Besides even those who never frown, eventually break. You're only human. One who's seen far too much."

Ianto sighed deeply. His heart ached for the man in his arms but he did not know how to relieve him off his pain. "Want to know the truth? The absolute and pathetic truth?" Ianto asked back.

"Yes, honesty is our new policy, remember."

Ianto held his breath for a second and then slowly let it out. He gathered up enough courage and made a decision. He was going to open up completely, finally let those walls around him crumble. He knew that there was a time to hide and a time to flourish. Right now, he needed to be honest, with himself and Jack so that maybe, just maybe, they could put the past behind them and start afresh.

"It was you, honestly." he started with a shaky voice. "I never really told you this but there were a lot of things happening that I didn't tell you about. I didn't want you to know … how bad it was. I didn't really leave the Hub all that much. Night after night, I spent by her side, sleeping on the dirty floor, caring for her, wiping any evidence of what was going on. I was so exhausted. I felt so cold, unloved and disgusting. Everything was so … wrong. I was so worried about her that I didn't even realize how wrong it all was. Everything I did was about keeping her alive. I didn't really realize how much it was draining me until it was too late. Until I physically couldn't go on anymore. I was just so tired and sad all the time. The little sleep I got wasn't peaceful. I was so wrapped up in Lisa that I didn't take the time to deal with all the things that happened. I put my mind on auto-pilot and concentrated on her and ignored my own life."

He paused for a moment to steady his emotions. His eyes were welling up and he felt the world darkening before his eyes. "It's not like I had anyone to turn to. I couldn't tell any of you because it would blow my cover. I certainly couldn't tell my family or my friends. No one understood why I was so sad all the time. What could I say? Sorry I'm not great company but the office I supposed to be working in got overrun by aliens who turned my girlfriend into a robot and now I have to make sure she survives. No one was suppose to know about Canary Wharf. No one knew what happened. I kept falling and falling deeper. Nothing I did was right. Everything … was so bad, Jack. I thought I'd be alone and cursed forever …"

He stopped as he heard Jack stifle a sob. With renewed breath he continued. "I prayed for another of 'those nights'. Until a night came by when you invited me back to your room. We'd have sex and that was always amazing. It felt good to be touched, to know that there's someone who isn't repulsed by you. But what I really craved were those small 10 minutes afterward. The small time frame in which you held me close. To you it was just post-coital cuddles but for me … I finally felt warm, safe and protected from the world I was living in. I felt … cared for. Nothing could hurt me when I was in your arms. In a world of darkness, you became my tiny speckle of light and peace. It may sound corny but it's true. What kept me going, was you."

Jack smiled fondly. "I didn't even know that. I never knew it meant so much to you. You should have told me. I could have made it better."

Ianto chuckled. "Not something you want to tell your overenthusiastic and overly cocky lover."

"I'm glad I did. Even though I didn't know. I'd hate to know you had absolutely nothing." Jack said, his voice faltering. "I must've really hurt you when I left."

"Well yes. But I'm sure you have your reasons. Jack, I know you. You're a good man. I'm not going to say you're perfect and never screw up but you wouldn't leave us like that without a good reason. I'll trust you on that. But … it doesn't mean that I have to like it."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"That's never been an issue with me. You forgave me. Torchwood London would have dishonored and executed me for treason. You didn't. You looked beyond what I did. Even more so, you helped me move forward. You picked me up off the floor and dragged me when it got tough. You did things I never imagined anyone would do for me. You gave me strength, loyalty, trust and friendship. You made me feel like I mattered."

"Ianto, I didn't do that much."

"Yes, you did!" Ianto angrily countered. "You were there. That's a whole lot more than every else. You may not have understood me but you didn't turn your back on me. YOU were THERE when no one else was. And you were honest. You told me when you were angry with me. You told me what you hated about me. But you never held a grudge. You didn't make me feel like an outcast like the rest. You were harsh at times but always fair. You just accepted what had happened and tried to work on our relationship."

"I did that?"

"Yeah, I don't think I ever thanked you for just … being there. And being honest with me. It meant the world to me." Ianto whispered.

"Honesty." Jack whispered. "That's what I want. Just being honest and not having to live a lie."

"So why don't you."

"Because it hurt so much. Me and others. I don't want any other people to suffer." Jack retorted, not angry but more painfully disappointed. "Can you imagine how Gwen and Tosh would feel if they knew I have been tortured for a whole year? Bound, tied and beaten until I bled out?"

Ianto winced and felt his breath catch. He tried his best not to show it to Jack, not wanting to affirm Jack's fears. "Please, let me help you. Just like you helped me."

"But you already have Ianto."

"I didn't do anything."

"Didn't have to." Jack chuckled. "Like you said, being there for a person is more than enough."

"What happened Jack? I won't tell the others. I know you've been tortured. So you might as well tell me all about it."

Ianto held his breath, wanting Jack to open up to him but afraid of what he'll find out. He rubbed Jack's stomach reassuringly and smiled when he felt Jack's hand covering his own. The Captain gave it a little squeeze, needing the verification that Ianto was indeed by his side.

"I promise I will. But not now. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep and heal. I know it's unfair of me to ask but can you wait?"

"For forever and a day." Ianto replied earnestly. "By all means take your time. Whenever you're ready, just say the word."

"Thank you Ianto."

"Anytime."

"No, really. Thank you. I wouldn't have made it through the last couple of months if it wasn't for you."

Jack turned in the embrace and snuggled closer to Ianto, their faces inches apart. He could see the emotion flicker by in the depths of those blue eyes he had dreamed so much about. The only pair of eyes that could portray so much love and compassion in one single glance.

"I don't understand." Ianto stated.

Jack chuckled. "It's pretty ironic really. I unknowingly helped you by just being around and so did you. You see, you were always with me. Thinking about you made me feel better, I could just imagine just the two of us on the couch with a cup of coffee and chatting away until the early morning. Or the times were we just sat next to each other in silence. Or the taste of your lips, the sound of your voice. I tried to remember all those little things that I adored about you. You saved me so many times even if you didn't know it. You helped me by just being there. It was you, Ianto Jones, the memory of you."

Ianto leaned in and pressed his lips against Jack's. They kissed for a while, slow and tender, and for once there was nothing sexual about the kisses. They just savored each other's company and comforted each other. Tears ran down their faces and both men finally let go of all that pent up emotion. As they broke apart, two pairs of wet eyes locked.

"Where do we go from here?" Jack nervously asked.

"I don't know. I have a lot of things to sort out and so do you. But one thing is for sure. I want you around. I let my pride get in the way and I didn't see this beautiful chance that has been offered to me. My baby back in my arms. I need you around, maybe not immediately as a lover but certainly as a friend. Trust me, you're not getting rid of me."

Ianto gave Jack a radiant smile and the Captain was more than eager to return it. Jack yawned loudly and sniffed. "Time for bed." he sleepily murmured. He snuggled against Ianto, who immediately wrapped his arms around his exhausted friend.

"Rest Sweetheart. I'll protect you. I'll keep you safe." Ianto said as he drifted off to sleep as well.

* * *

The morning after, Ianto woke early and smiled when he found Jack lightly snoring and still resting in his embrace. He ghosted a kiss on his forehead and mournfully disentangled himself from the sleeping form. If it was just him and Jack, he would've stayed there with him until they were both fully rested. But he still had one little issue to deal with. So with a silent moan, he reluctantly forced himself to leave Jack to his dreams.

As he got out of bed, he nearly pulled the sheets down with him. He cursed silently, hoping Jack wouldn't awake. Luckily, Jack kept on sleeping right through it.

He rearranged the bed sheets and tucked in Jack once more, but not before trailing his fingers down Jack's bruised chest. There were big and nasty black and purple spots on his usually impeccable body.

Ianto had to blink back tears. He had seen bruises on Jack before but they disappeared immediately after an attack. Jack hadn't been injured in over 14 hours and yet the bruises were still there. He swallowed a knot in his throat and just then he realized that things must've been so much more worse for Jack than he had imagined. Or ever could imagine. The severity of the trauma hit him like a ton of bricks and he had to stifle a sob. He kissed Jack's forehead and repeated a Welsh prayer a few times. 'I'll protect you Jack' he thought. 'Whatever it takes. I'll take care of you. Just like you always have. I won't let anyone hurt you like that again. Not if I can help it.'

Silently he put on his clothes and made his way to the main area of the Hub.

It was nearly ten in the morning and the rest of the team was already busy at work. He yawned loudly as he stepped barefoot to the coffee machine, immediately redirecting all the attention on him, in his pijama bottoms with a sleepy face and with uncombed bed hair. Too tired to care, he ignored the frowning and the confused looks and he hazily asked if the rest also wanted a cup. Deprived by Ianto's coffee for too long, they brushed off their astonishment of Ianto spending the night at the Hub and they all accepted the offer and followed him to the renowned machine.

"How's he doing?" Toshiko asked before she inhaled the coffee scent that was slowly filling the air in the Hub.

"Better. He's slept through the night. Woke up a few times because of nightmares but he quickly fell asleep again." Ianto replied automatically. He sighed and grimly he added: "He's been through something horrible and I can't do anything to make it better. Not much anyway."

"Did you get any sleep?" Owen asked, his face sporting a worried expression. "And according to him, you _are _helping."

"Not much." Ianto responded, a small smile of thanks lit up his face. "Just worrying about Jack. Whatever it is he's not telling, it's bad. Really bad."

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Gwen said. "It's Jack after all!"

"Even he has his limits." Owen shot back.

Ianto poured out four cups of coffee and handed them out. He cleared his throat before giving Gwen's hers. "Can we talk?" he nervously asked. He saw Toshiko and Owen shift nervously in the corner of his eye. They all knew that this moment would happen sooner or later but they all wished it wouldn't.

"Sure. What's on your mind." Gwen cheerfully asked.

"I'd appreciate it if next time something happens to Jack's that I'd be informed immediately." Ianto professionally asked.

"Oh," Gwen responded, taken aback by Ianto's sudden change in behavior. "I'm sorry Ianto. It's just that there were already three of us and I didn't think you could do anything more than we can besides …"

"You're right Gwen," Ianto started, his lips twitching as he tried to steady himself. He felt that rage bubble up in his stomach again. The same rage he had barely suppressed the day before. "You weren't thinking."

Gwen's eyes shot open wide and Owen and Toshiko both snorted into their drinks.

Ianto stared at her incredulous face, not breaking eye contact. "Look, I've accepted the fact that you and Jack are close. I've even accepted the fact that you and him seem to be flirting every five minutes and don't really care who's around to see it, even if it is me or Rhys. Truthfully, it doesn't bother me that much because I know Jack doesn't mean anything by it. I know it's in his nature to romance everyone he finds attractive. And just because he does that, it doesn't mean that I don't mean much to him. Because I do. And he means a lot to me."

He took a deep breath to control his temper. He knew that he'd get further if he kept his cool than if he starting shouting. "It's time you opened up your eyes to see what is going on. Me and Jack. Together. I know that in the end, he may fool around with you but it's my bed he sleeps in at night."

"Ianto look … I know …" Gwen interrupted, defiantly rolling her eyes.

"What I don't accept and appreciate …" Ianto said louder, drowning out Gwen. "Is that you continue to dismiss me when it comes to Jack. You need to know that Jack and I are good friends at the very least and I do matter when it comes to him. Even though our relationship is none of your business, I'd appreciate it if you stopped playing dumb and just accept the fact that we're involved."

Ianto deliberately took a long sip of his coffee to let the words linger in the air. He was using up all his strength to control his emotions. He very well knew that one miscalculated word could start a row. Neither he, Jack or the team had the time or energy to deal with it.

"Ianto, I was just trying to help. Jack and I are close and he tells me things." Gwen replied.

It seemed to Ianto that also she was holding back her anger. Knowing that, he felt himself getting angrier. He found his fingers clutching desperately to the last ounce of control he had in himself. "Please, don't pretend you're the only one who gives a damn about him because we all do! Remember that we've known him a lot longer than you have."

"Yes a lot longer and yet I know more about him than any of you." Gwen countered. She didn't like being chastised in front of the others, even though she realized that he had a point. Ianto could be considered Jack's boyfriend – or whatever came closest to it- and maybe not calling him immediately wasn't the brightest of ideas.

"Don't be so sure Gwen. Unlike SOME, just because I keep my mouth shut and don't brag about how Jack confides in me, doesn't mean he doesn't." Ianto hissed, a little bit of his frustration and anger finally seeping through. "I'm lucky enough that Jack trusts me, especially after Lisa. But he does and I won't do anything to betray that trust."

"What did you want me to do, Ianto?" Gwen asked, sighing. "You needed the time off and Jack requested not to phone you. I was only doing what I thought was right."

"What I want, Gwen, is for you to realize who I am and what I am to Jack. I won't be pushed aside Gwen, not by you and not by anyone else. Not anymore and certainly not when it comes to Jack. He keeps enough secrets from me without the rest of you holding back information."

"Ianto, of course you're important to him. And us." Gwen responded angrily. "You don't think I know that? Can't you see I wanted to give you space? You've been through so much and Jack coming back was hard on you. I'm not playing dumb, I was protecting you."

"Don't. I'm a lot stronger than you think. Than any of you think. The only person who sees that is Jack."

"Ianto, I know you are. I've seen you crawl your way up again after Lisa. You're my friend and I just want you to be happy. But Jack just keeps on hurting you! What was I to do?"

"Bullshit Gwen. A friend? If you were any sort of friend, you'd stop putting on the princess-wanting-to-be-rescued-façade. You constantly flaunt for him, even though you are engaged to be wed. You say you're this and that…" Ianto said. He could feel the anger pulsating through his body, causing him to speak louder and louder. In a mocking voice he added: "Ooooh the one who cares! That's right. Only YOU know what's it like to be bloody human. Because the rest of us are all sad tossers who don't give a shit about anyone or anything!"

Ianto threw his half empty cup into the sink, the china clattered loudly and resounded through the deadly silent Hub. "But we do Gwen and I know you do as well. You know I think you're great. But when it comes to Jack, you lose that what is so amazing about you. You stop caring about anyone else but yourself. You know it's hurting me and Rhys but you continue to flirt with him like there's no tomorrow."

"Ianto …" Toshiko whispered. "Don't you think you should calm down a bit?"

"I'm sorry, Gwen." Ianto said, his tone less angry than before. "You know I care about you but sometimes you hurt me so much with your innocent flirting that I just want to smack you."

"Ianto, I never …"

"And yet you do. You ignore and dismiss me. I'd like to think I deserve better than how you treat me. I understand why I was shunned after Lisa but I'd like to think I have redeemed myself. I'm trying my best to do the right thing but it's hard when you still treat me like I don't matter. I deserve better than that and so does Rhys. Remember him? The man you love and are about to marry in less than a year? I'd just wish that finally you get it in that thick head of yours that Jack needs not only you but also ME. He was so devastated and even though Owen and Toshiko both told you that I knew how to calm him down, you still didn't budge. In who's interest where you playing? Yours or Jack's?"

Gwen didn't know what to say and looked like she just got slapped in the face. She blinked back the tears that danced on her lashes and swallowed audibly.

"Who do you think was with him when Estelle died? Or after the cannibals? Or after John Ellis killed himself in front of him? It was me Gwen, not you. He talks to you about who he shags or what amazing adventures he's been on. But when he's hurting, it's me he turns to. Because he knows I know what to do. He trusts me enough to open up."

Ianto started pacing around the tiny kitchen, frantically running his fingers through his hair. "Jack may not be perfect but think about what he has sacrificed for this world. How many times he had to suffer and die on his own just to save one life. And he does that, without complaining or asking something in return. But he suffers Gwen. Every time he gets hurt, it's one more burden to carry. So next time he needs someone, please put your own selfish pride aside and just call me. I know how to handle him. You … you're just entertaining and easy on the eyes."

Ianto turned on his heels and walked away, leaving behind a stunned Gwen and Owen. Toshiko quickly followed behind him. She had to jog to keep up with Ianto's angry stride across the Hub. It wasn't until he paused just outside the tourist office that she finally caught up with him.

Toshiko stayed in the doorway and watched Ianto lean against the wall and light up a cigarette, cursing when the wind blew out the flame.

"That was something." Toshiko sniggered as she walked towards him. She patted him on the back and frowned when she felt his body shake. "You shouldn't smoke."

"God, I feel like an idiot. I was so angry and I couldn't control my anger. It's not like me. I shouldn't have lashed out like that. I know she means well."

"She always does. But I think it's good you did. You obviously needed to get that off your chest and she definitely needed to hear that she isn't the center of Jack's universe." Toshiko responded.

"I don't hate her. I love her." Ianto wistfully said. "But after that I don't think …"

"I know. But you were right. She's supposed to be your friend and she does flaunt her relationship with Jack. You do deserve to be treated better than that. I think it's amazing that you stood up to her."

Ianto exhaled and a puff of smoke escaped his mouth and nostrils. Confused, he looked at Toshiko. "Really, you demanded to be recognized. She needed to see you. Not just as the one of the team who makes coffee, but also as Jack's trusted right hand. You're so quiet and you never make a fuss so it's very easy for her not to notice you. But you made it clear that you won't stand for it, especially if it means that Jack's getting hurt even more."

"He's a good man Tosh. If there's anything I can do to make his life easier, I'd do it. Without a doubt."

"I know. And he does need you. Ianto, what I'm trying to say is… never doubt that you don't deserve Jack. Because you've selflessly given up so much to aid him. You're fighting his battles with him. You deserve to be with him. Really."

Ianto smiled in thanks and Toshiko saw his eyes lit up. However, she did caught a slight flicker of disbelief in his eyes. "Listen, he's been so good to you before he left. And now you're picking him up off the floor even though you're hurting as well. Don't think I don't see it in you. The sad look in your eyes. I know it's been tough. But you're putting that aside to help someone else. Jack. That's pretty amazing. After all you've been through, you're still loving and fighting. I think I would've given up by now."

"I would've as well. If it wasn't for …"

"Jack." Toshiko said, completing his sentences. "He really means a lot to you doesn't he?"

"Tosh, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Jack. He saved me in so many ways. Least I can do is share his burden."

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know. I'm so confused and I need to work things out. I don't even know what love is anymore." Ianto responded gloomily. "But I know I want him around. Always."

Toshiko smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Come on, let's go inside, it's starting to rain."

Tosh and Ianto walked into the Hub, arms linked and fingers entwined.

"Toshiko," Ianto murmured. "Thank you for everything."

"Don't mention it." she replied. "You did the same thing for me when Mary died."

"Hey!" a cheerful voice said behind them.

"Jack," Toshiko exclaimed. "You look better!"

Jack happily picked her up in his arms and twirled her around. "Much! I think it was Ianto's coffee that got me going again!"

"Good to have you back." Toshiko said with a grin that split her face in two.

"Any reason why the atmosphere is so tense right now?" Jack whispered into her ear.

"Gwen and Ianto had a little chat." she whispered back. "Nothing big. Just a misunderstanding."

"About Gwen not wanting to call Ianto?" Jack asked silently, his right eyebrow quirked in question.

Toshiko shifted nervously in the embrace, not wanting to say what really happened in case neither teammate wanted Jack to know.

Jack grinned, his typical charming smile with twinkling teeth that could light up a dark alley caressing his face. "I'll take that as a yes. You know what, I kind of like this new protective and a tiny bit jealous Ianto."

He broke off the hug and winked at her.

He turned his attention to Ianto, who waited patiently a few meters from him and Toshiko.

"Hello gorgeous." the Captain cheerfully chuckled.

Ianto and Jack met halfway in a tender and loving kiss, surprising both themselves and the team. "Lunch?" Jack asked when they parted.

"Sounds great. But technically it would be breakfast." Ianto responded as he happily held Jack's hand in his.

"As long as it's food!" Jack laughed. "Anyone coming with us?"

Toshiko nodded ruefully. "Translation program is still working."

"I'll have to pass as well," Owen added. "Got a corpse that needs to be cut open before he starts stinking up the place."

Toshiko groaned loudly and hit him on the arm. "What?" Owen exclaimed. "What did I do now?"

Owen followed Toshiko to her workplace, still arguing and moaning loudly about being misunderstood all the time.

Ianto and Jack laughed heartily. "Feels good to be back." Jack grinned.

"How about you Gwen? I know for a fact you've got nothing to do." Jack asked.

Gwen locked eyes with Ianto and a silent understanding passed between them. Last thing she wanted was to cause more trouble. She never meant to hurt either one but in her bid to protect her friends, she ended up hurting them. "No, it's fine. I have to help Tosh and I'm still working on a lead. But you two go ahead and have fun. You both deserve it."

Ianto granted her a genuine smile, which she more than eagerly returned. Ianto mouthed 'thank you' and she nodded.

"I'm going to give Rhys a call. It's been a while since I heard him and I miss him. Work just keeps getting in the way." she added. "But before you go, Jack? Are you alright?"

Jack sighed deeply and a little bit of spark left his gorgeous features. "Honestly Gwen, no. But I'll get there. I'm glad to be home with the people I … love. It just feels good and I'm going to take my time to sort some stuff out. But I'll get there in the end."

"I know," Gwen said, her eyes sorrowful but understanding. "Remember that you've got us. All of us. And you've got one hell of a … confidante there. Trust in him. If you need anything, just ask."

Jack kissed her cheek and as he leaned in, she whispered. "Take care of each other."

She quickly hurried to her desk and got back to her work.

Jack sighed as he let him eyes wander over the people inside the Hub, his home. "We've got some amazing people in our lives."

"We do," Ianto replied. "Oh yes we have."

"I'm very lucky to have them." Jack added. He turned his gaze from Owen, Toshiko and Gwen to Ianto, searching for his impenetrable eyes. "And you."


	60. Chapter 60: Reminiscing part 1

A/N: RIGHT! Apologies, apologies. I know I have been gone for far too long but I needed to sort out some issues. Life's been absolute shit lately so do forgive me for the lack of updates.

This is a sequel to "The memory of you" and was requested by doctor-who-fangirl. It was suppose to be a one shot but I just couldn't contain myself. So thank you for inspiring those bunnies to hop!

Warning: DARK!! Torture! Cursive are memories/flashbacks!

And one little favor to ask. "The day I stopped dreaming" ( the post-cyberwoman Ianto fic) is currently nominated for a Children-of-time award. If you think the story was good enough, please go to h t t p: // children of time. creative-musings. com/awards/ to vote for it! It's in the last bottom 5 under "short story". All votes are very much appreciated and kindly rewarded with Ianto's coffee!

Remove the spaces, FF will not let me upload an url!

Lastly, if you've got an excellent idea on how to torture someone, drop me a line :P

Have I mentioned I love reviews? :P

* * *

**Reminiscing **

Jack sat on the tattered sofa underneath the much loved Torchwood sign, imbedded in the Victorian Tiles of the ancient Hub. He stared blankly in front of him, looking at everything but at the same at nothing. He wondered about all the little things that seemed to hold this place together. Like the structure of this place, the foundations or on a more personal level, the trust and loyalty between the small group of people that regularly inhabit the Hub. The humanity within them, even though not all were human.

Humanity. He reached for Ianto's dictionary and searched for the word. Three definitions came up: A) all human beings collectively; the human race; humankind B) the quality or condition of being human; human nature C) the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence.

He let out a ragged breath, the air deadly silent in the tumult of the hustle and bustle of the Hub. His hands were shaking so badly that the spoon clattered against the mug he was holding in his left hand.

Humanity. Humane. Kindness. Benevolence.

Since he had helped the doctor to diminish the threat of the Master, those exact words sounded foreign to him. No, not foreign but vague, like ghosts are shimmering in your periphery but empty in content. It took a lot to scare off Jack Harkness but _that man_ had succeeded in crushing him. In matter of weeks he had distilled Jack's emotion to just one: fear. A primal and visceral fear that grabbed you by the throat and clutched at your esophagus until every last puff of air had been squeezed out. Ironically that's exactly what the Master used to do as well. He liked to get up close and personal with Jack, clutching his hands strongly around Jack's throat, and stare into his eyes as they dulled and lost their spark. He loved it and thrived on his pain. The one thing he enjoyed more is the horrified look on Jack's face when he came back to life and realized that the Master is still there. A little reminder that the night had only just begun.

Unwillingly, he shivered at the thought.

He didn't notice Gwen's cautious footsteps nearing. She coughed politely to get his attention and smiled when he startled and nearly dropped his cold cup of coffee. He looked up at her with sad and distant eyes, a pain so visible in his those blue oceans that immediately took her breath away. If she looked closely, the pain was always lurking in the corner but it never was noticeable. Only if you caught him off guard or after a really rough day. Even then it would be just a glimpse, quickly fading into the background as he smiled that smile and reassured her that the world wasn't going to end - yet.

Little did she know that not too long ago and in a place so far away the world nearly did end at the hands of a rogue Time lord.

Little did she know that Jack saw her and her friends get killed – murdered at the hands of the same man that had murdered him so many times – and that ever so often he needed to touch them to make sure they're real. To make sure this isn't another sick and twisted game of the Master.

But now, Jack was overcome by his memories and he could no longer hide the pain.

'There it is,' Gwen thought. 'The sadness and despair.'

Eyes so young and yet so old, red-rimmed with anguish, exhaustion and fear as if haunted by far-flung recollections in his mind. She looked at him and could feel his despair and exhaustion. Gwen sat by his side and put her hand on his knee. "Jack, what's wrong?"

One touch, that's all it took today. One touch of another person and the memories came rushing back to him, like a vision that is being played out right in front of him. But when he reach out to stop the scene from happening, it quickly dissolved into thick air.

Gwen saw Jack's eyes dilate quickly and soon enough they glazed over as he stared right at her. She waved her hands in front of him but got no reply.

_The Master clapped his hands as he entered Jack's quarters. Two guards stood by his side and looked downwards to the floor. Jack flinched. He knew when they did so that it would be bad. If the devil's protectors won't look him in the eye, he knew the day was going to end badly._

"_Now, now Jacky boy. Still bleeding I see." He cackled. "Good, we wouldn't want you to be too comfortable now would we?"_

_Jack raised his exhausted head to meet him in the eye. "Haven't you played enough for today? Or am I the only thing you've got to do in your pathetic life?"_

_The Master's eyes narrowed dangerously as he stepped forward. He smacked Jack across the face and grunted loudly. "Remember who exactly is at my mercy, freak. Or do you want your Doctor or Trish to get hurt?"_

"_Leave them out of it!" Jack hissed. "Do whatever you want with me but don't hurt them."_

"_I won't … if you play nicely."_

_The Master clicked his heels and smiled at Jack. "Guards, hold him still. Oh I'm going to love hearing you beg for mercy."_

_Jack laughed. "As if I would."_

"_Oh but you might this time … maybe not for your life … but maybe for hers."_

_Jack sharply looked up in disgust. "You've found Martha?"_

"_No," the Master answered as he grimaced. "Not yet. The little one has proven to be … resilient. But I have found … her"_

_The door opened and two big man dropped a woman to the floor. She grunted on impact and one look at those big brown eyes was enough to make Jack whimper._

"_GWEN!" Jack shouted._

"_Jack … the others got away."_

_The Master clacked his tongue. "Not that cocky Miss Cooper. Or Miss Williams. We've found them hiding in that cave. The young one is just … delicious. Now on to you, what … to … do … with … you."_

_He turned to Jack. "What do you think Jacky boy?"_

"_Leave her alone. It's me you want. Not her."_

"_As you wish." With one slick move he drove a knife into Jack's stomach and twisted the blade in his gut. "I'll have to be quick then. You're an excellent bleeder."_

"_Jack!" Gwen shouted. She took one glance at the maniac and knew what was about to happen. "He … he told me to tell you … equilibrium."_

_The Master__ went to stand behind Gwen and poured some liquid over her. He took two steps back and lit a match. "I hope you like the scent of burnt human flesh."_

"Jack! What's wrong?" Gwen repeated.

"I was wondering about those orange M'n'M's ," Jack stammered, caught off guard. He shook his head to rid himself of the memory. He felt the tremors going through him and leaned back on the couch to regain his composure.

"They don't seem … right. You think aliens might have intervened?" He gave Gwen half a smile to reassure her. Gwen however wasn't fooled. Her eyes burnt fierce and she glared at him. "Captain Jack Harkness!" she warned. "Will you cut the bullshit?"

"Really Gwen. I'm fine. What could be wrong with a face like this?" Jack replied, framing his face with his hands.

Gwen rolled her eyes dramatically and Jack snorted in return. "Don't let Ianto catch you with his signature move … he might take it the wrong way. Remember that time Owen stole his word? Every time someone said 'fucktabulous' I swear I could feel the temperature dropping to below zero."

Gwen sighed deeply. She loved Jack and she would follow him anywhere he led her. But sometimes … just sometimes she would just love to smack him over the head with something really heavy.

"You're being exhausting." she breathed. The one thing she hated about this man is the way he held his secrets so close to his chest. She had asked why he did so but was disappointed by the answer she got. 'I know too much,' he had said. 'Know and have seen far too much not to get into trouble. There's things about me Gwen … you wouldn't want to know.'

She never did figure out what he meant. Another one of his secrets. She guessed that it was part of his charm. He will forever be an enigma to others. So close but yet so far. But no one who ever followed him complained. They were just grateful to know him and see the wonders he had introduced them to.

Jack smiled. Not a really genuine smile but one of his 'I know I am being a bastard but you still can't turn away from me'-smile. "Gwen, go home. Go home to Rhys. Have your normal life. Have a beer with spag bol and watch big brother. Go and live your life, Gwen Cooper."

"Jack, stop. You're obviously brooding over something. It might help … to share the burden. You don't always have to be so bloody strong you know."

"I'll be okay. Just a hard day. Chinese didn't go down well with me tonight. And the guy from the shop with the weird teeth kind of freaked me out. I swear he was trying to get into Owen's pants by just looking at him. But hey, I'm only human right. Just because I look so goddamn good does not mean nothing gets to me!"

"Stop joking Harkness! Is it something to do with Ianto?"

"Ianto?" Jack repeated with a confused look on his face. "No, he's fine. More than fine he's brilliant." He added with a smirk. "The things that man can do to me, like this one time …"

"So you two are okay?" Gwen asked, swiftly interrupting him so she did not hear things that were not for her to know.

"We'll get there. We've got some things to sort out but we'll get there. I get that I hurt him by leaving. All of you."

"Do whatever it takes." Gwen whispered, suddenly very serious. "Whatever he wants, give it to him."

"Oh? I don't even get a bit of jealousy?"

"The silly boy is happy to put up with you and your quirks," Gwen said earnestly. "With all the shit he's been through he deserves to be happy. He's one in a million. He's got more patience and willpower than I have."

"He does. He always knows how to …" Jack started. "You know what … Gwen, go to your boyfriend and I'll go to mine. Or well to my Ianto that is."

Gwen shrugged and walked away from the sad man on the couch, not quite noticing that his smile quickly faltered as she left.

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. He knew the Welshwoman was just worried but in that moment, he didn't like to be asked how he was. It felt like probing. Gwen was good at finding things out and unknowingly it usually felt like she could pick out a sore spot and just push her finger into the wound, slowly stretching and deepening it. She didn't mean no harm and her intentions were good but with wounds like these, it might be best not to dwell to long on them. She just knew how to tear down his safely guarded walls. "Bloody police training." Jack muttered under his breath with a proud smile.

A few minutes later he was joined by Ianto, his jacket discarded and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He sat down beside Jack and sighed as he loosened his tie. "A little birdie told me to come and talk to you."

"Is the little birdie stubborn, Welsh and annoyingly right about all the things she's not suppose to be right about? Doe eyes and a gap between her teeth?" Jack asked, sighing deeply and averting his eyes. "Ring any bells?"

"Pretty much yeah," Ianto replied with a smile. "She's worried about you. Told me to get my cute arse over here and get you to talk."

Jack grunted. Loudly. He crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, trying his best to push away that nasty headache that was building up. He wasn't up for this, another interrogation. He took comfort in knowing that Ianto was different that Gwen. More subtle and not so … intrusive. He was happy to just hang back and wait for the right moment. Ianto didn't decide if they talked, Jack did. Just like Jack waits for him to talk when something is on his mind. That's how their relationship worked; they wait for the other speak. Because they know that the truly important things are not said but felt. And if there was something that grieved their heart, they both knew that the other would provide a safe and trusting shelter.

"You don't have to talk," Ianto whispered. "But if you need to, I'm right here."

Jack looked to his side and met Ianto's gaze. He held it for a few seconds before his face split into a full blown grin. "You are worried. About me."

"Yes."

"So, you do care? About me!" Jack probed, that obnoxious yet charming smug smile plastered on his face.

"Yes Captain Idiot, I do care." Ianto replied, his eyes rolling but a smirk playing on his lips.

"Come here." he whispered as he pulled Jack closer. He caressed the side of Jack's face lightly with the tips of his fingers. He felt Jack's warm skin slide underneath him and was amazed at how smooth it felt, like feeling silk or butter underneath his fingertips.

One touch.

"_Ooooh pretty boy." the Master sang. "Didn't know you liked them quite so young."_

_Jack's heart sank. "What do you mean?"_

"_Oh Jones, Ianto Jones. What an unusual man. He never begged. He never even so much spoke. But god how he screamed."_

"_What have you done with him?" Jack heatedly asked._

"_Look for yourself …" _

_With a wave of his hand, two guards carried the half unconscious Ianto into the room. He slumped to the great and with effort lifted his head up to meet Jack's gaze. "Jack …" he said, voice hoarse and broken. His back was bloodied and there were harsh and sore marks on his shoulders and back. _

"_You whipped him?" Jack blurted out. "You sadistic piece of shit. You whipped him? He never did anything to you!"_

"_True, but you have to believe me … I feel awful about it" the Master said, sarcasm dripping through his words. "Love is such a funny thing isn't it Jack?"_

_Behind him a guard powered up a drill. "Do it." the Master ordered._

"_No!" Jack screamed. "Take me! Not him!!!"_

"_Where's the fun in that?"_

_The guard mercilessly bent over the terrified young man and pushed the drill into his hip. Ianto screamed loudly, the sound overpowering the mechanical sound of the drill and the sickening crunching of the bones. Jack fell to his knees and his pants soaked up some of the blood that was now violently gushing out of Ianto's body. _

"_Release the freak." the Master ordered._

"_Sir, he might …"_

"_Please … he's been starved for 2 days. He doesn't even have the energy to take a shit."_

_The guards released the restraints and Jack was free to move for the first time in two weeks. He hurried to Ianto and picked him up to his lap. He cradled the weeping young man and whispered frantic apologies. Ianto merely grabbed his shirt and held him close. He looked up one last time and with the last bit of strength he owned, he whispered: 'Equilibrium.'_

"_I love you too Ianto." Jack sobbed. In the periphery of his vision he saw two Toclaphane enter the room._

"_Equilibrium?" the Master huffed. "Let me guess … because you balance each other out? He's the ying to your yang?" _

_He started laughing and urged the guards to join in. "Isn't that the sweetest load of bullshit you've ever heard."_

_He turned to the two Toclaphane and smiled. "Hello children. Have fun. Those two are awfully tasty." _

Jack closed his eyes to the touch and shivered. He suppressed the urge to run and hide. Instead he leaned into Ianto's soft wandering fingers and savored the feeling of tenderness he hadn't felt for such a long time. He concentrated on the tingling sensation and what it was doing to him. Such a small yet so intimate gesture. He felt Ianto's hot breath on his lips, followed by moist lips kissing his. He opened his eyes and stared into equally blue pools of depths, twinkling with delight. Their lips part and the kiss deepens but remains slow and steady.

He sighed into the kiss in contentment. He'd missed this. He needed this. The touch and feel of another human being on him. Another memory forced itself upon him.

'_Sensory deprivation,' the Master cackled. 'Do you know how long it takes before a man who has been deprived of all sensory stimuli goes insane?'_

_The Master took a step closer and blindfolded Jack._

'_According to psychologists, it takes about 30 hours before the bravest of them all screams for his mummy. Lets see if we can beat that, shall we?'_

_Jack heard the Master order everyone to leave and cackled once more. Next thing he knew he felt ear plugs being shoved unkindly into his ear canal. Last thing he heard were a few hissed words from the cruel man in front of him. 'I won't deprive you of all senses though. I'll tighten the restraints around your wrists and ankles. That way you can always concentrate on the pain …if the silence gets too much … there's always the screaming inside your head. Remember your friends screaming for their lives?'_

_He shoved a handkerchief into his mouth to muffled his pleas. "Oh Captain," he said as he wiped away a tear off his left cheek with a rough thumb. "Have some dignity. And euhm … equilibrium."_

_Laughing hysterically, h__e punched Jack twice before leaving the room and didn't enter again for two days where he found Jack's body hanging lifeless from the restraints. _

Jack trembled in Ianto's arms but somehow the soothing presence of the man relieved his heartache. The smell, sound, touch and sight of this man – his Jones, Ianto Jones- calmed his nerves and could easily bring him back to the present.

As they broke apart, Jack sighed. "I've missed this." Jack said.

"Frenching me?" Ianto joked.

"Yes. No." Jack replied, laughing through his words. "Just you and me. Being like this. It's … nice…"

"Jack?" Ianto asked with a frown.

"It's just nice being like this with someone. With you. It doesn't feel like I have the boss. Not being a leader. I can just be … me. It's nice … just being at peace for once. Not thinking about anything particular and just enjoying the company."

"I like that." Ianto replied shyly. "I really do."

Jack leaned in for another kiss and Ianto was all but eager to follow. They kissed, caressed, licked, nibbled and whispered sweet nothings for a long time, resembling teenage boys with hormonal high school crushes.

A small cough grabbed their attention but it was still not enough to tear their eyes off each other.

"Hmm?" Jack mumbled as he kept on kissing Ianto's neck.

'Weevil activity," Toshiko said, blushing. "Looks like three of them escaped the sewers."

"Okay, we'll get on it," Jack mumbled, his eyes still firmly on Ianto. "Better call in Gwen as well."

"She's not left yet …" Tosh replied.

To that, Jack glanced at Tosh.

"She was glued to the CCTV." Tosh said with a sly smile as she pointed upwards at the hidden camera.

Ianto blushed but Jack just smiled. "Girl likes a bit of smooch porn huh."

"Ah well if you're all good you might get to see a bit of foreplay …"

Jack yelped loudly as Ianto's fist collided with his arm …

~~~~*~~~~


	61. Chapter 61: Reminiscing part 2

A/N : Part two of Reminiscing. For doctor-who-fangirl. Hope you like it. If so, please do let me know. If not, let me know as well :)

Italics are Jack's flashbacks and the normal writing is what's going on in the present.

Warning: a bit angsty this one ...

* * *

Within ten minutes the whole team were sitting in the car and well on their way; Owen driving with Jack by his side and the girls and Ianto in the backseat.

"Okay ladies, gent and Owen," Jack said cheerfully, his heartache temporarily forgotten because of the emergency. "You know the drill. Gwen and Tosh, you two get ready with the weevilspray whilst Owen and I knock the fuckers to the ground."

Ianto cleared his throat behind Jack, letting the boss know that he was still awaiting orders.

"Yeah, erm … right," Jack stammered. In confusion, he looked at Owen in the driver's seat. "What exactly does Ianto do?"

Owen chuckled as he saw Ianto in the rearview mirror roll his eyes and make an incredibly rude gesture. "Mostly he gets in the way." the medic responded. "But occasionally he's been known to offer up a few good punches. He also coordinates."

He caught Ianto's gaze in the mirror. "One of the weevils is tagged. Get the PDA out and find where he's currently located. Code name: Foxtrot 703."

"Ah," Ianto exclaimed. "Jennifer."

"Yeah, the bitch escaped three weeks ago." Owen responded to Jack's confused expression.

"Kids, be careful." Jack warned. "I do not want to see any blood."

"We'll be fine," Toshiko said. She put her hand on Jack's shoulder to reassure him. "We've been doing this quite some time and Ianto's getting really good in fieldwork."

Jack gasped loudly at the touch, pictures forming scenes in front of his eyes.

"_It's a shame really." the Master cackled. He ran his finger down Toshiko's bloody face and placed a kiss on her forehead__, clearly tasting the iron of the blood. "She's so beautiful. So pure."_

_Jack whimpered at the sight. His Toshiko was bound and gagged in the middle of the room. Barbed wire bound her ankles and wrists tightly together. Blood seeped from her joints and tainted the white flowery dress she was wearing. The sickening brown of the blood stood out against her lightly tanned skin.. Her face was beaten, black and blue, cut open and bloodied. Nothing of the woman in front of Jack resembled the smart, elegant and graceful girl he had grown to cherish. _

_At her feet lay a 6 feet long boa constrictor in a cage, rattling and hissing in anger. _

"_Leave her. You don't have to do this." Jack pleaded. "Let her live. She'll work for you! She's so smart, she can help you!"_

"_Never." came the reply from Tosh as she spat out the gag. "I promised I'd never work for an evil man again and I stand by it."_

"_Tosh!" Jack screamed. "It could save you!"_

"_You taught me better than that, Jack."_

"_Oh__, Captain, haven't you learned anything from the death of your precious friends?"_

"_Please… let her live." Jack pleaded in vain. "She could be useful to you."_

"_Now Captain, you know the drill. You like her therefore she must die."_

"_Don't! Not her!"_

_The Master walked up to the cage and released his pet. "Go on pretty, have some dinner."_

_He walked up to Jack and stood in front of him, their noses nearly touching. "You are poison Captain. Everyone you love will die because you loved them. Your love killed them. They would've been just fine if you hadn't so carelessly waltzed into their lives and stepped on their broken bodies. YOU are the reason they scream at night. YOU are the reason they're here. YOU. YOU. YOU."_

_Behind the Master the snake was curling itself around the frightened Toshiko. She screamed and whimpered in fright and Jack could do nothing but watch her suffer. _

"_Jack …" she whispered. _

"_It's your fault they all died, Captain.__" the Master murmured in his ear. "A freak like you should never love someone. Not even that pathetic tea boy …"_

_The snake was tightening its hold on Toshiko's waist and slowly squeezed her tiny frame together. A loud crunch indicated that the snake had broken a few ribs. Toshiko screamed in agony and Jack whimpered at the sound. "Don't! Leave her be! You don't have to do this. You can still stop this!!"_

_In her last moment Toshiko looked at Jack with empty and terrified brown eyes. She nodded and softly spoke: "I love you Jack and I would've followed you anywhere. Thank you."_

_The snake hissed and one more final push squeezed the last bit of breath out of her lungs._

"_No!" Jack yelled._

"_Did you hear that Jack? She actually thanked you for getting her killed. The poor girl adored you and you led her into her death. It's you Jack, it's always you."_

"Is something wrong?" Toshiko worriedly asked.

"No," Jack lied. "I just remembered I left my cup of coffee on my desk without a coaster."

He turned to Ianto and grinned. "Sorry."

"Where's she located Ianto?" Owen asked.

"Three blocks from here … turn left on the second street you pass and keep going until the end. They're in the alley." Ianto explained, his eyes fixated on Jack's shallow and fast breathing. He caught a glimpse of his eyes and saw the haunted expression swirling inside them. The same look he had given him a mere half an hour ago on the couch. He seemed to have relaxed in the time they spend together but now it was back. 'Rats,' he thought. 'Rats in his stomach.'

"Why is it always an alley?!" Gwen asked in frustration. "Never somewhere nice like near a swimming pool."

"Maybe they think it's cozy?" Toshiko offered.

Ianto snorted but lifted his left eyebrow. "At least it saves us the trouble of clean up."

He grinned sheepishly at Gwen, the same look he gets when he's been exceptionally clever or sneaky. "I hope we catch a boy weevil this time."

"You setting up a weevil reproduction program?" Jack asked.

"No, I've found a really nice name for a boy … Idris."

"Idris." Jack sobbed quietly.

"_Well well well … Captain Jack Harkness. Tell me," the Master hissed. "Tell me just exactly how many lovers you've had this century."_

"_Why?" Jack asked with a faint smirk. "Care to add to the list?"_

"_As if I could ever touch someone as foul as you," he replied. With a disgusted grunt he added: "Captain."_

"_You're right. I've seen your wife pass by … she's very lovely. Wouldn't mind pushing her up against the wall and lick my way …"_

_Jack was quickly silenced by the Master's fist colliding with his nose. The bone cracked and blood flowed all over his shirt. "Sorry," Jack mumbled. "If you wanted in, all you needed to do is ask. No need to break my nose. I'm sure I can both satisfy you."_

"_Shut up." the time lord hissed. "I told you that if you overstep to mark that there will be consequences."_

_He stepped outside the dingy and smelly room for a second and came back in with two people by his side. _

_On his left stood Tish, Martha's younger sister. Jack had vowed to keep her safe and so far he had kept that promise. The look of pity and sadness that resided in her big black eyes as she looked at Jack was enough to make the Captain crumble. "I'm fine," he whispered__ despite the wounds that marred his body . "Really."_

_On the Master's right side was a young, small man with blond hair and stunning blue eyes. He hadn't seen him in such a long time but one glance was enough to make Jack's breath hitch. "Idris Hopper."_

"_Jack!" he gasped. "What's going on? Why are you tied up? Who is he?"_

"_What are you doing?!" Jack blurted out agitated, snapping his head to face the Master. "I haven't seen him in years! He means nothing to me."_

_The little hurt gasp that came from Idris broke Jack's heart but he knew he had to play it cool if he wanted to captivate the small chance to keep his former lover alive. _

"_Oh Jacky … you are a lot of things and one of them is a terrible liar." the Master replied. "You don't think I know who you just shagged or who you … loved."_

"_He's got nothing to do with Torchwood or the Doctor! He's no threat to you!" Jack screamed. He tried to free his wrists despite previous failed attempts. "Leave him be!"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because he's just an innocent. He's got nothing to do with us. Don't hurt Tish. She's so young. She doesn't deserve this! Please."_

"_Okay, you win."_

"_You'll let them go?"_

_The Master cackled and went to stand behind Idris. "First of all, I didn't bring Tish here to hurt her. She's under my protection and she's always been so kind to me. No one harms her until I say so. She's here to witness a marvelous occasion. She's here to see who you really are; pathetic, groveling, murderous and vile. It's about time the world saw Captain Jack Harkness for who he really is."_

_Angrily he turn to face Tish. "And maybe for once she'd stop looking at you with those lovesick puppy dog eyes. Please Tish, I thought you had better taste than that. And do tell Martha all about how the brave Captain Jack screamed, cried and pleaded like the little weasel he is."_

_He turned on his heels and granted Jack a smile, a filthy and vile one reserved especially for those who he'd like to harm. "As for not killing him … come on, of course I will. But because you asked nicely, I won't make him suffer."_

_In a second his hands found Idris' head and with one force movement he snapped his neck. _

_Idris' body fell to the ground with a loud thud and the stunning blue eyes that Jack loved so much soon turned icy cold._

_Tish screamed and knelt by his side, checking if there was a pulse. Her face grimaced as his jugular felt deadly still._

_Jack just stood frozen on the spot,__ mouth open with tears falling silently from his broken blue eyes. _

"_Who knew that loving Jack Harkness could have so severe repercussions." the Master whispered into Tish's ear. "You have five minutes with him. Make sure he's fed. I don't want him starving again. That's SO last week."_

"Tish!" Jack exclaimed, bolting forwards in the car and placing his hands on the dashboard to stop himself from hitting it.

"Yes, that's a nice name as well." Ianto responded, still talking about cute names for weevils. "Not very Welsh though."

"Does everything have to be Welsh?" Owen asked. "I mean, even the damn bird is called Myfanwy."

"_Jack, come on." Tish pleaded__ as she dangled a spoon full of what looked like barely edible puss. "You need to eat something. It may not be tasty but at least it's nutritional. It's good for you. It'll help you get stronger. Please Jack, you haven't eaten in ages!"_

"_He's just killing them Tish." Jack sobbed. "He doesn't care. I don't give a damn about what he does to me but he's killing everyone I know. They don't deserve this. They don't have anything to do with this."_

"_Shht Jack," Tish soothed as she cupped the side of his face. "It's okay."_

"_It's NOT okay Trish!"_

"_No, you're right, it isn't. But there's still hope. The Doctor's still alive and so is Martha. We can still all pull through it."_

"_I don't know how much more I can handle Tish."_

"_Shht Sweetheart." Trish tried in vain. She pressed a small kiss on his lips and caressed him. After all the times she's spent caring for him and his wounds, she knew exactly which buttons to push to calm him down. "We'll get through this. Just remember one thing… you are amazing and you've done so much good. This is none of your fault. The Doctor is so proud of you … and so am I and Martha. I'm sure Gwen would be as well … and Ianto."_

"Tish." Jack whispered quietly.

"It does kind of grow on you, doesn't it?" Gwen asked.

"Yeah it does." Toshiko agreed. "What do you think Jack? Next girl is called Tish?"

"Yeah, fine by me." Jack answered back. He silently wiped away a tear and rested his head against the car window.

None of his pain and woe seemed to be registered by the others who just kept on the small talk. Occasionally Ianto would throw him a worried glance but Ianto knew damned well there was little he could do to get Jack to open up about his time away.

~~~~*~~~~

Arriving at their destination, Owen braked heavily and he was the first one out the door.

"I see one Weevil in the alley, that must be Jennifer. Where the hell are the others?"

"I can't see them either!" Tosh responded. "Let's just get this one out of the way!"

Owen punched the weevil but it hardly flinched at the impact. Toshiko crept by his side with the weevilspray ready to use. Gwen stood on the other side of Owen with a cloth bag to put over its head.

Ianto in the meantime was scanning the area for non-human life forms. "No civilians in the neighborhood," he said. "Three dogs shagging in the next alley and two non-earth based creatures coming this way. Keep your eyes open guys!"

Ianto turned to Jack to see if he could help him but suddenly a loud 'Fuck' immediately informed the pair that something was very, very wrong.

Ianto quickly turned around and saw what was happening: Owen, Tosh and Gwen were tackling the stray Weevil but his two weevil friends were circling around the oblivious colleagues.

"How the hell did they get here so fast?!" Ianto exclaimed. "Guys look out, you're being surrounded!"

Ianto ran to their aid by knocking one of them down with a large stick he found by side of the road. He looked back to where Jack was but could not find him in the confusion. Suddenly the other Weevil lunged at him, pinning him to the wall. Ianto tried his best to fend him off but he saw his teeth coming far too near his throat for his liking. In effort he groaned and unwillingly he had screamed for Jack.

In the background he saw Owen and Gwen trying to peel the Weevil off of them. In the distance he heard Toshiko's muffled cries. 'Jack! What are you doing? Come help us! Ianto needs you!'

Jack felt his throat contract when he saw the two weevils dangerously close to his friends.

"_So," the Master casually said as he took a bite out of his cucumber sandwich. "What are those creatures you chased? Beevils? Geevils? Or right Weevils."_

_He slurped down his coffee and moaned. "Wow that's a good cup."_

_The Master had taken a sick liking to starving Jack and then eating his supper in front of him. If he was lucky the Master would let him eat the bread crust. But only on a very good day. _

"_Yeah, what of Weevils?"__ Jack retorted angrily. _

"_Aren't they just so … deliciously vile Jack?"_

"_Only you would think so."_

"_Tell me Jack, ever been killed by one?"_

"_Yes."_

"_When? Please do share, I love a good story with my tea."_

"_Fuck you."_

"_Bit testy now are we. Is it the lack of food and water or was it something I've said?"_

_Jack growled. "You're not even worthy of being a time lord!"_

"_Who are you to judge? You're as far from human as you can be and you're telling me I'm not worthy?" the Master scoffed. "Who are you to tell me this, freak? You're so wrong. So very wrong. Nothing about you is human, boy. You know, I've met your little brother and he agreed. What was his name? Oh right … Gray." _

"_What?"_

"_It's a perfect name for him really. He's so lost, living between black and white. Right and wrong. He truly is … grey."_

"_That's impossible. He's gone. I've lost him a long time ago."_

"_Oh but I can. I went back to the 51__st__ century Jack."_

"_That's impossible."_

"_Is it? The Doctor locked the Tardis from the 21__st__ century to the end of the world. I could've easily …"_

"_YOU BASTARD!" Jack lashed out. "You fucking bastard!!!"_

"_Oh … a sore spot. I saw you … on the beach. Oh you were so little. And so was he. Even smaller than you. A tiny hand in yours. And you … you let go. Tell me, what kind of monster lets go of his little brother in the middle of a hostile takeover?"_

"_It happened so fast …" Jack sobbed. "What have you done to him?"_

"_Oh nothing, I saved him from those vile creatures. I brought him here Jack. Just for you. Aren't I the sweetest?!"_

"_Where is he?" Jack asked, desperation very present in the man's tone, face and body._

"_He's right there …"_

_The Master lifted his hand and suddenly a veil in front of them raised to the ceiling, revealing a little blond kid with a sun-kissed tan and eager blue eyes."_

"_Gray!" Jack shouted. "Gray!"_

"_Big brother … I …"_

_Suddenly a Weevil came into the room. Jack's eyes widened and a terrible fear clutched his throat. He struggled against the restraints in an attempt to break free. "Gray, I'm coming for you! Run kid! Run!"_

_The little child turned around and screamed in terror as he saw the big beast going for him. In two big steps the weevil lunged for the child and devoured his throat. Sharp nails clawed at his skin, blood gushed out of the fatal wounds and soon the little body slumped defeated to the ground._

"_Oh," the Master said silently. "He never stood a chance. I wished it wouldn't have been over … so quickly."_

_Tears fell from Jack's eyes freely as he watched his long lost brother get brutally killed – no, murdered- right in front of him. His mind seemed to collapse and he slumped to the ground, his arms raised above him still stuck on the wrists __bracelets. "No … Gray."_

"_What have you done now?" a familiar voice said._

_Jack looked up and met eyes he had longed to see. A face older than he thought could possibly be but eyes still young with burning desire. _

"_Master, what have you done to him?"_

_The Master merely cackled. "Doctor, you just missed the show."_

"_What show?" the Doctor asked. "WHAT show?"_

"_He murdered Gray, my baby brother." Jack answered, defeated. "I finally found him and he just …"_

"_I'm sorry," the Doctor said. "I'm so sorry."_

_He turned to the Master and glared at him. "Enough. Stop torturing him. You have me. And that's all you want."_

"_Oh but it's so much FUN Doctor. I love to make him scream and knowing it is hurting you is the cherry on top of the cake! Besides, he's public enemy number 3 and as a friend of the Doctor's, he is an enemy of the crown. Treason isn't taken very lightly on Great Britain."_

_The Master went to the Doctor and wheeled him outside. The moment he shut the door behind them, a terrified howl resounded through the Valiant._

_As they passed the corridor, they met Trish serving coffee. "Ah Trish, I'm sorry but it seems that your friend Jack … has finally lost his mind." The Master said with a smirk._

_Trish sobbed, nearly dropping the can of coffee. "What happened?"_

"_He murdered his little brother." the Doctor answered__ with a disgusted grunt. "Right in front of him."_

_Trish stood frozen on the spot, her quivering hand covering her mouth. _

"_Oh come on P__retty." the Master soothed as he stroke her hair back. "What can I do to help?"_

"_I'll do anything, Master. Please, just don't visit Jack anymore. Just for a few days. Please."_

"_Anything huh?"_

"_Anything."_

"_All right. How long would you like me to leave him alone for, Trish?"_

"_A month?"_

"_You kidding me?! I'd get bored …"_

"_Three weeks? Two weeks? Please!"_

"_One week. Come to my quarters tonight, half past 9. Wear something … expensive."_

Ianto saw a hand come between him and the face of the weevil. The familiar scent of the weevil spray stung in his nose and he turned away from the spray.

Luckily, the Weevil came crashing to the ground and soon the team had successfully subdued. Owen sighed happily. "Three weevils down within ten minutes, I think that's a record."

Ianto gasped loudly, gulping in as much air as he could. He felt a hand steady him. Looking up he noticed Owen holding him up whilst staring at Jack.

_The tune to Kool and the gang's Celebration sounded in the dimly lit room Jack was imprisoned in. The Master strode in doing a little dance and singing along cheerfully._

"_Oh Jack! Congratulations!"_

"_What are you on about this time?" Jack tiredly asked. He had two big gashes on his chest that were violently bleeding. He felt exhaustion take over and the urge to shut his eyes and sleep a bit was sounding so tempting. His arms and legs were so heavy that he didn't really stand up anymore, he was just supporting himself on the restraints that kept him neatly in place. _

_A loud pop made him jump and his eyes snapped open. He saw the Master uncorking a bottle of champagne and pouring it into two glasses. He knelt by him and forced some of the champagne into Jack. "Bottoms up! We have to celebrate."_

"_Celebrate what?" Jack slurred, feeling so lightheaded he was starting to get giddy. _

"_Well in a few minutes time … it'll be the 200__th__ time that you have died under my command. That is a milestone for every young man! Well or in your case for a freak."_

Ianto followed Owen's gaze and stared at Jack, who stood frozen in one spot. Pale, trembling and mouth open, Jack stared at his team with frightened eyes. The team stared right back at him but their eyes portrayed nothing but anger and disappointment.

"Fat lot of good you are just standing there watching whilst we're fighting!" Owen hissed.

"Jack!" Tosh shouted. "What on earth happened? We needed you there!"

"Tosh …" Ianto whispered, still gasping. "Maybe you should …"

"What the hell happened Jack?" Gwen asked, cautiously but still urgent.

"I …I," Jack stammered. He cleared his throat and within seconds he seemed to regain his senses. He slipped back into his Captain mode and barked orders. "Get the Weevils back to the Hub. I'll meet you there."


	62. Chapter 62: Reminiscing part 3

A/N: woosh, finally an update. Sorry about the wait but life just keeps f*cking me up the ass. (pardon moi my french). I hope you liked this... it's a bit angsty ( well *grin* it IS written by me ...) but I loved doing this because it protrays that Jack, bless his heart, is still very much human despite his immortality. For doctor-who-fangirl, who requested a confrontation between the team and Jack about where he's been during his "abscence".

Reviews are always appreciated!

~~~~*~~~~

Jack walked away with an angry stride. The team looked stunned and didn't understand what on earth was going on with their leader. Owen decided to ignore Jack's childish tactics and turned his attention back to Ianto. "You okay, mate?"

A weak nod from the still gasping Ianto made Owen roll his eyes. "Obviously not. Deep breaths, okay."

Tosh glanced angrily at Jack's retreating back. Furiously she hissed: "Take care of them. I have something to sort out."

"Tosh," Gwen shouted after her.

"Her funeral." Owen responded at Gwen's questioning look, his eyebrows together in a frown and silently begging her to stay with him and Ianto.

Gwen sighed and looked torn between Ianto wheezing whilst Owen steadied him and an angry Tosh running after an equally disturbed Jack. "Right," she said, taking over the leading roll with such an ease it even scared her. "Ianto love, sit in the backseat and recuperate. Owen and I will see that the weevils get to the Hub …somehow."

"I … can …" Ianto wheezed. "Help."

Gwen smiled fondly as she helped him up by supporting his arm. "I'm sure you can. But for my peace of mind, please just catch your breath. You're starting to sound like my old aunt Bethan."

"Ohhhh," Ianto pauses to breath in another big gulp of air. "Khaay."

~~~~*~~~~

"Jack!" Tosh yelled. "Would you just STOP!"

"Tosh, go back to the Hub."

"No, I want a word!"

"A word?" Jack scoffed with a pretended grin. "Right, let's see. I've got 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' or 'palindrome'. Will that do?"

"Jack! Stop it!"

"No Toshiko, you stop it. I do not want to talk right now. For once I'd love it if my staff would just do as I say!"

"Jack, you froze out there!!"

Jack raised his hand in the air and whistled loudly. As by magic a taxi skidded to a halt by them. He opened the door and jostled Toshiko inside the vehicle. He slammed the door shut, immediately putting a halt to Tosh's pleads. Through the open window of the front he threw a 20 pound note on the seat and bellowed: 'Roahl Dahl Plass. Keep the change.'

The taxi drove away with a screaming Tosh in the backseat and Jack was left behind, sulking in his foul mood.

~~~~*~~~~

Toshiko was fuming when she reentered the Hub. She all but threw her jacket on her desk, sat down on her chair rather noisily and typed far loudly than was necessary, her fingers digging into the keyboard so hard the desk was slightly moving.

Ianto and Gwen frowned. They'd never seen Toshiko lose her temper like this and both wondered what had happened to get her this worked up.

If they were honest with themselves, they would have to admit that Jack's behavior was a bit uncharacteristic. On the other hand, they noticed that Jack wasn't quite himself since he came back. He was far more emotional and less 'jacklike', paid more attention to their personal lives and they all had to suffer from his unexplained mood swings. Owen had often wondered if Jack hadn't gotten himself in the family way. He had probed Ianto over this and received a very cold shoulder for a good few hours with the addition of, much to his disgust, cold instant coffee.

They may have laughed about him but it merely concealed their worry for their friend and leader. He was acting _off _and he wouldn't let anyone help.

On more than a few occasions, they found Jack frozen on the spot with haunted eyes staring into distance. Sometimes they caught him off guard, holding his breath until whatever that held him in its grasp released him. He'd stammer, shake and tremble, curse loudly and then walk away from them without so much as a word of explanation.

Even though the team never said anything, they all separately noticed that Jack was suffering. The Captain didn't really explain his absence but somehow they all understood that whatever happened during his leave, wasn't good. All too familiar with the agony that ghosts of the past could elicit, his colleagues made a simultaneously and unspoken decision to let Jack scream, cuss and yell at them for as long as he wanted. As long as he got over the trauma that had brought their strong leader to his knees.

They decided to give him time and patience because he was their friend, leader and mentor. They couldn't imagine what it was like to be immortal, but they weren't idiots. They knew it came at a price. With everything he has done to keep the city safe, a little time and space for him to gather his thoughts privately was a small price to pay.

However, when secrets and lies become the norm, it is only a matter of time before someone cracks and demands the truth.

Owen was the favorite to do so first but he had remained professional and understanding towards Jack. Maybe because he knew far too well what it was like to be chased by demons.

Gwen would try to ambush him into speaking to her. She had tried but gotten nowhere. Jack was determined to stay tightlipped about his issues.

Ianto on the other hand would never have openly confronted Jack about his behavior. He would wait until Jack was ready. He'd wait until he'd find Jack willing and open enough to discuss his heartache. Because that's what Ianto did. He waited for Jack. Always and relentlessly. If Jack didn't want him to know certain stuff, he didn't have to know. He trusted him enough to know he'd be informed about things that matter. Jack was all too aware of this: if he needed a calm shoulder for him to surrender to, he knew Ianto would be there with a cautious smile and with a comforting cup of coffee.

Toshiko was the last person who'd they suspected would cause a storm. She'd always followed his lead out of loyalty, trust and admiration. So when she was the first to crack, they all were surprised.

Ianto cleared his throat and offered her a mug of coffee. "Thanks," she grunted.

"Are you okay?" he asked apprehensively.

"No, I am not. And I can't believe you're all so at ease with Jack bailing on us like that."

"Tosh … everyone has bad days." Gwen offered.

"You do NOT get to have a bad day when you're the head of Torchwood and your friends rely on you!"

"I'm sorry I seem to disappoint you." Jack suddenly said.

The trio jumped at the sound. Gwen, Tosh nor Ianto had noticed Jack sneaking into the Hub. Gwen frowned at Jack, noting he had entered the highly secured base without the alarms going off. She made a mental note and stashed it away for later.

"You don't disappoint us Jack." she replied as she offered him a generous smile.

"Speak for yourself." Tosh barked.

"What is it with you today? You're not exactly acting like yourself!" Jack barked back.

Tosh scoffed. "And you are?"

Jack looked taken aback for a second but immediately a scowl appeared on his face. "Yes but last time I acted off I didn't nearly get people killed because some pretty little alien smiled at me!"

"JACK!" Gwen and Ianto shouted at unison.

Toshiko looked gobsmacked and stared at him for a few seconds, mouth open and eyes wide open. "At least I didn't disappear without a word and left my friends alone in deep shit."

"I HAD no choice!" Jack countered.

"I don't CARE if you have to go. You HAVE a responsibility towards us as well. You left, Jack, and we were here cleaning up after your shit. We were all stretched beyond our limits! We do that for you! Without even complaining. But you don't seem to acknowledge that! You don't even care! Then you come back and give us fuck all as an explanation!"

"I told you what you needed to know."

"Bullshit Jack." Gwen piped up. She was willing to stand by his side on the matter but she could not tolerate the team being pushed aside once again. She thought Toshiko had a point about Jack needing to come clean but she did not agree with the timing nor the manner.

"You just froze Jack!" Tosh screamed.

"Tosh, can we just drop this?" Jack asked, exasperated. "I'm really not in the mood for this okay? I made one mistake and you're clutching my balls so tightly. One mistake Tosh. Can't you just do what I did for you and just forgive and forget?"

"No, I can't. I'm happy to drop it if it's something personal but when personal crosses over to professional we have a problem. This is about the safety of our team. You are our leader and you have a responsibility and duty towards us. We rely on you to be there when you're needed. If something is off … and don't say it isn't … we have the right to know what's causing it!"

"Tosh," Jack grunted whilst he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't get you people sometimes. You give me shit for acting cold but when I do show a slice of humanity, you pin me against the wall. I'm tired Toshiko. I'm so very tired. Can't this wait?"

"No JACK! It's our lives that's hanging by the threat every single day and we never complain because we trust you. We'd follow you to the end of the universe. But guess what, trust is something that you earn and it is very easily broken! It's not the first time you've failed us! Tell us! What happened that made you freeze up like that!"

"FINE! You want to know the gory details? Here they are. I was away for a whole year and I was tortured every single day. Tortured, Tosh. Is that what you wanted to know? I was killed at least three times a week in ways you cannot imagine."

Small gasps filled the silence between the words and Jack saw the hurt expression in their eyes. Stubbornly, he refused to relent. "Do you want some examples? Because apparently all of MY shit is suddenly everyone's business. I was HOPING that I would get the chance the lick my wounds in private and not hang my dirty laundry where everyone can see it ..."

"Jack, I …" Tosh started. "You don't have to … "

"Oh no Toshiko, don't you fucking dare back down now. Now you got me started and I want to tell you about this time that I was forced to swallow liquid nitrogen. Do you know what that does to a person? The moment it touches any part of you, you feel like your skin is on fire. But not a roaring hot fire, an ice cold one. It freezes you from the inside and you feel like your whole body is suddenly turning into ice. You feel yourself dying inch by inch. My torturer took a hammer and slammed it into my gut, And you know what happened, Tosh? Want to know what happened?"

"No … please Jack." Tosh cried.

"My belly shattered into tiny pieces, my guts were frozen but I was still alive because the liquid nitrogen had not reached my heart yet. The last thing I saw was a hammer stuck in my gut with a madman laughing his head off towering above me."

"I'm sorry Jack." Tosh whimpered, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Oh it's fine. That was just one story and not even a bad one. At least after a few minutes you're numb and it doesn't take too long to die. Other times … I was not that lucky. One time he cut out my heart whilst I was fully awake when they did it, he whipped me until I bled out, burnt cigarette holes on my eyelids and I can't even remember how many times I starved to death." Jack continued. He was smiling as he spoke but it did not convey the charm he usually possesses. The smile was cold, eerie and cruel and it made his friends shiver in fear and angst.

"But you know what? That's not even the worse part." Jack started again, sitting down with one leg crossed over the other and his arms folded protectively over his chest.

"Every week someone I knew and loved was brought to me and I had to watch them get slain in front of me. Do you know what that means Tosh? I watched each and every one of you get killed. Murdered in cold blood just because you had the misfortune of knowing me. And I screamed. I screamed for mercy. I screamed for it to stop and take me instead but they never listened. Not even once."

Jack stopped talking for a minute and he felt his eyes prickle with tears. He'd been holding back and trying to repress the memories instead of dealing with them for so long that he was really struggling to maintain his composure. "I left because I had to help my Doctor. If you knew him, you'd understand. He's saved so many lives … I had to stick by him. I also needed answers for my own peace of mind. I knew that if there was anyone that could make it right, it would be him. So I took it all. I held on for him. For you. All of the pain was worth it because if that creep had his attention on me, he'd leave the Doctor alone and he'd have time to come up with a plan. He'd save me and all of us. He'd save the world."

Jack looked up after an eternity of dwelling in his personal agony and saw the tear tracks on Gwen and Ianto's faces. The sight of his friends hurting like that caused the anger he felt before return in spades. 'This is exactly the reason why I never said anything. Nothing good could come off it. They'd know and they'd feel bad because of me' he angrily thought.

He punched the desk hard enough that a few knuckles cracked under the pressure. "Are you glad you now know why I froze Toshiko? That the sight of Weevils nearly devoured my best friends was just a tad bit to real for me? Or still not satisfied? D'you want to know more?"

"Jack …" Ianto undercut him. Jack just kept on going, not really caring that he was close to overstepping the line.

"How about when the master took out a razorblade and slowly slit my throat millimeter by millimeter? It took him about 4 hours for him to reach my jugular you know. Or how he burnt my hand and poured ice cold water on it afterwards?"

Gwen sobbed and ran away, not being able to take more. Ianto gave Jack another warning by looking sternly directly into his eyes. Jack however was oblivious to the others and was solely concentrating on Toshiko, who had pushed him so far that the carefully built walls around him were crumbling far too fast.

"Or how he chocked me .. slowly crushing my esophagus" Jack screamed. Suddenly his eyes widened and he stumbled backwards. "Oh god the look in his eyes. .."

He staggered back on the desk and clutched his chest. He struggled to breath and took large gulps of air. "Most of the times I just prayed for death. The only few minutes that I was safe. I'm not a religious man but on certain days I was on my knees praying to some false God out there. And I prayed for death and that I could stay dead."

Ianto sat by his side and rubbed his back. "Breathe Jack. Keep breathing. You're fine. You're in Cardiff and in the Hub. Nothing can get to you. I won't let them."

Jack slowly turned his face to Ianto and the young man had to choke back a whimper when he saw the desperation and hurt dancing in those blue eyes he loved so much.

"He… buried me," Jack whispered. "Next to you … I woke up to find you … dead and decomposing. For I don't know how long. Ianto …"

Ianto forcefully pulled him into a hug, desperately trying to forget the words his lover had just said. He breathed in the sweat, tears and that enticing scent that was _so Jack_.

"I'm here." he murmured. "And very much alive, Jack. He didn't get to me. You saw to that. You saved the world Jack. The world, us and your Doctor. You're fine. So am I, Gwen, Tosh and Owen. We're all okay."

Suddenly Jack got up. Kissed Ianto on the forehead, murmuring 'It's always been you' in his ear before stomping off to his office. He lingered at the door for a minute before addressing Tosh for one last time. "You know, of all people I thought you were the one who'd sympathize most with keeping secrets. I respected your decision to keep the rest in the dark about what you went through before Torchwood. I would've expected the same courtesy. But I guess that was too much to hope for. Is that really how you see me? Like a boss without a conscience? Like nothing gets to me? You're wrong. Tosh. I …"

"Enough." Owen suddenly said, not screaming or shouting but merely speaking in his best doctor voice. Owen had been the one to calm down Gwen and after ordering her to get some food for everyone, he decided to put an end to this ongoing dispute. "Enough."

He turned to Ianto and put his hand on his shoulder. "Make some tea and take care of the girls. See if they're okay."

He walked towards Jack and pointed towards the medical bay. "You with me."

"Oh right so you're the boss now!" Jack sniped. The only thing he wanted to do is go to his quarters and just sleep it off. He did not feel like talking and he did not feel like explaining himself.

"No," Owen said sadly. "Not the boss, just a doctor who needs to know how his patient is doing after suffering physical abuse for such a long time. And above all, just a friend who is worried about a mate who's gone through a shitty time."

Jack's expression softened and he lowered his eyes. "I …"

Owen cut him by raising his hands. "Not here. Follow me, Captain."


	63. Chapter 63 : Reminiscing part 4

Jack reluctantly followed Owen into the autopsy bay, his feet dragging tiredly over the ancient tiles of the Hub. The medic led the way but occasionally peeked at the man behind him. Jack's head hung low, eyes tired and tearful, his shoulders slumped and his breathing was painfully deep.

Owen shook his head, not quite believing and understanding how a simple weevil-hunt resulted into a full blown fight between two colleagues. . It didn't take much to lit his fuse but he had never redirected his anger at them without reasonable cause and Owen had cursed Jack for his temper so many times. But this time he felt his heart break for his mentor. He had suspected Jack had been abused after he had helped him through numerous panic attacks in the past couple of weeks but not in a million years could he have foreseen the gravity of the situation.

Reaching his desk in the autopsy bay, he pulled a chair close to his and motioned to Jack to take a seat. Owen puttered around the bay for a few minutes, gathering his medical tools and more importantly trying to come up with a strategy to handle this situation.

Usually, an upset team member was something Gwen would handle. But Owen doubted she'd be cut out for this. He knew that her fussing would only cause more heartache. Jack needed a strong and levelheaded someone who would listen without breaking down and someone who could care for him without smothering him. These reasons also ruled out the rest: Toshiko being too angry at the moment and Ianto got too close under his skin. Jack would never feel comfortable being completely honest with him because he knew the stories would come back to haunt his young lover.

He sighed as he realized that Jack became his responsibility at this very moment. He needed to examine his physical injuries and evaluate his mental state of mind. He needed to stabilize Jack, get him on his way to recovery. He knew that eventually it was Ianto who will be able to mend his heart and bring the Captain back. But for the time being, Jack needed him.

Jack sat down on the chair and sighed wistfully. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes, taking his time to think things over. Everything had happened so fast and he could not believe that he just blabbed the one thing he had tried so hard to hide from his friends.

He felt the tears and burst of anger well up inside his chest. He didn't want to explode again and certainly not with Owen, who was proving the be the more mature member of the team, much to everyone's surprise.

He could hear Ianto disputing with the girls, trying to calm them down but holding back his own anger. He heard the distant dripping of water from the leaky pipes around the old basement, the constant humming of the computers, the excited screeching of the pterodactyl above them and the continuous beeping of the rift activity controller. He heard the familiar footsteps of Owen circling around him, the heating blasting hot air through the massive rooms and if he listened really carefully, he could hear the Weevil's cry from the surveillance cameras.

All the sounds used to calm him down because he had always associated them with the Hub, the one place on this earth he could call a home. He had been living there for over a century now. He knew it like the back of his hand and loved every nook and cranny of it. It wasn't much of a house but it certainly felt like home. Even though his own personal quarters were dingy, cramped and downright pathetic, there was no other place in which he felt truly protected. Ianto had often complained about his 'manhole'. The bed was in no way big enough for two, it was too dark and cold and it was not fit for someone who saved the world on a regular basis. Jack knew he meant well and that Ianto wanted a nice and comfortable place for him but he could not get his boyfriend to understand that even though it wasn't much to look at, it felt nicer to be there than in a five star hotel. It was a reminder that he belonged there, that he had a purpose and a destiny to fulfill.

But now the familiar and soothing sounds were echoing inside his head and it didn't feel like a reminder anymore. It felt like white noise, always there in the back of his head, reminding him of how things used to be and how they'll never be the same again. It sounded like the piercing echo of a wounded animal. A high pitched scream pulsing through his nerves and bones. It was loud and it was uncomfortable. Too much noise, too much feeling. It rattled the very core of him to have his home infiltrated and violated by the feeling of utter unease.

Never had he felt this naked and vulnerable in the safety of his home.

Jack shrugged and wiped the sweat of his forehead with the back of his sleeve. He took a deep breath and lifted his head. Owen was still pacing around him, a worried but confident look displayed on his features.

Jack took a look around the place and smiled at the incredible mess that was Owens quarters. 'Some things never change' he thought.

"Ianto's going to flip his lid when he sees the state of this place." Jack stated, mildly amused.

"Nah, he'll be alright. He knows better than to get upset over coordinated chaos." Owen replied as he smirked.

"You two seem closer now," Jack noted. "You bicker less."

"We learned not to fight and just tolerate each other. Because without you to break us up, we were constantly on each others back. He even punched me, that Welsh git."

"Did he now?" Jack asked, feeling a little bit of resentment.

"Yeah, kid's growing a pair. He's different now. I think the whole Lisa veil has lifted from his eyes. He's growing. Good lad, that one. Saved my arse in a couple of fights." Owen added. "Not only with Weevils! He punched a guy twice his size to defend me. And Ianto's a big lad already so that's saying a lot! Knocked him out with one single punch."

The grin Jack received from Owen made him chuckle. "You seem more like brothers now."

"Don't know. Don't have one. Just … don't tell him any of this. He'd be riding my arse if he knew I told you this."

"Wouldn't dream of it!"

"So, on to you. What's going on with you Jack?"

"I'm fine. Look … this really isn't necces…"

"Jack … stop it. You just blew up there like 10 sticks of dynamite and confessed you've been tortured for a year. You're not fine."

"I'll deal with it."

Owen sighed. He half wished the vulnerable Jack from minutes before was standing in front of him instead of the pigheaded boss. "Toshiko was right, Jack. She may not have expressed it in the right way but she's right. We deserve to know what going on. And even more so, you deserve to let us be there for you. You singlehandedly chose us for a reason … and that's because we are brilliant. So don't underestimate our intelligence. You're not that subtle, you can't hide everything from us."

"Owen …" Jack sighed.

"I don't need to details. Just tell me … how are you physically coping?"

"I can't die Owen. You don't need to worry."

"Jack … don't make me pull my doctor-card okay? Just talk to me."

Owen had nearly given up hope after a good 5 minutes of silence. Jack was deep in thought and Owen just watched him. He turned to leave when Jack's faltering voice stopped him.

"I don't heal as rapidly anymore."

Owen stopped in his tracks and sat down in front of him again. He grabbed his stethoscope and lifted Jack's shirt. He began the physical routine and nodded. "Go on."

"I don't know why but it takes longer. Still faster than the average human, but not quite as fast as … before. I think it's because I've died so many times in succession that … that my body is worn down. I'm not functioning at my very best."

"The scanner says that you are physically fit," Owen said. "But your results do differ from the last physical prior your … erm … leave. So you may be right about that."

Owen reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder. Jack cringed at the touch. He knew what was coming and instantly Owen regretted the move.

_The Master whistled a happy little tune as he wheeled in a man __slumped in a wheelchair into Jack's chambers. His head was covered by a paper bag so Jack couldn't really tell who the person was. His body was slumped and his hands hung limp from the sides of the chair. _

_Jack groaned. Another day, another victim, another death. Who will be next?_

_Tish came into the room and refused to lift her head and look Jack in the eye. That alone had grieved the Captain. He was wondering why she wouldn't look at him. She always did when she was forced to witness the Master torturing Jack. He gathered strength from her smile. But this time, he didn't even got a nod. _

_Jack stared at her and tried to get her attention but nothing seemed to work. Her eyes remained fixated on the floor, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. The Captain was starting to worry. Mentally, he searched for memories of the last few days. Did I do something to upset her? Say something? Why won't she even look at me? I haven't got many friends left here, I don't want to lose her. Please Tish, please. _

_The Master cackled and he lifted the hood over the man's head. Jack gasped in horror as Owens face was revealed. His hair was shaved off, eyes reduced to mere slits and the corners of his mouth hung oddly downwards. _

"_What have you done to him?" Jack asked suspiciously. Other than being shaved and tired, there seemed to be nothing wrong with him. And for some reason, that worried Jack even more than if he had dragged the medic in kicking and screaming. _

_The Master smiled. "Tell me Jack, who is this?"_

"_Owen Harper."_

"_What does he do?"_

"_He's a medic. He heals people. Please …"_

"_But specifically what was he hired for …"_

"_Autopsying aliens."_

"_Ah! Healing and cutting things open."_

_Suddenly the Master held a scalpel to Owens forehead."_

"_Please …no. Please."_

_The Master let the sharp knife slide horizontally across Owens head and blood gushed out of the wound, covering the medic's once untainted features._

"_Oh don't worry Jack. He's drugged. He won't feel a thing. That way we can do the full autopsy. He'll last so much longer. But you on the other hand …"_

"NOOOOOO!" Jack screamed suddenly. Owen was busy shaking him in a vain attempt he'd snap out of the daydream. "Jack," the medic said urgently. "Jack! Come back! What is it?"

Jack gasped loudly and held on to Owens hands for dear life. "You were autopsied alive, Owen. And I had to watch. Afterwards they did the same thing to me. Except I wasn't drugged."

Owen locked eyes with Jack and he knew his own eyes reflected the petrified look he saw on Jack. "That never happened, Jack."

"It didn't. But at the same time it did." Jack hissed. "The doctor manage to turn back time. All the things I've seen, all the people that have died. Never happened, except to me. I still have to live with the memories."

He slumped in his chair and put his head between his knees, his hands frantically running through his hair. Suddenly he got up and started pacing around the autopsy table, occasionally throwing whatever he could find across the many tables and chairs. He started punching the wall and didn't relent, even when his knuckles started to bleed. He kept repeating the same sentence: 'It never happened, it never happened, it never happened, …'

Owen held the Captains hands to prevent Jack from hurting himself. He was kicking wildly, shouting and his face contorted into a terrified grimace. "No, not you." Jack sobbed. "Not you as well."

Owen cringed when he saw desperate tears fall from his mentors eyes and make their way to his chin. "Jack, listen to me. I am fine. We're all fine. Whatever you've gone through, I'm sorry you had to. But that doctor of yours made sure the effects weren't lasting."

Jack sobbed in reply, loud enough that his voice resounded through the small space.

"Jack, can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes." he answered as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. "I know okay. I just sometimes get …"

"Overwhelmed with memories. It's understandable. Remember Ianto after Lisa? He tried so hard to push it all away and after it was all over, the memories of Canary Wharf came back. Remember?"

"Ianto." Jack breathed.

"I'm here." Ianto came running in, wondering what on earth the noise was about. The minute he saw Owen trying – and failing- to calm down his lover, he rushed by his side and wrapped his arms around Jack.

Jack resisted with all his might. The walls he had put up around himself may have fallen quickly but they were eagerly rebuilding themselves. He stayed tense in the embrace and tried to squirm his way out. He held back his sobs and willed them away, at least until he was alone and he could cry them out in private. He'd always been a proud man and being so vulnerable, especially when he can't really explain what was going on, made him uncomfortable.

Ianto however was not fooled. He held him in place, arms around Jacks body and he made sure Jack could not swat him away. He kissed the temples and murmured into his ears, not caring what he was saying but as long as words were whispered. He started rocking him and cradling him. Little by little Jack let go of all that pent up emotion and broke down in the protected embrace of his lover. Jack buried his face in Iantos chest, at the same time clinging tightly against the man and inhaling that overpowering scent of aftershave, soap and pheromones. He needed to touch him, feel him, see him and even smell him to remind himself that Ianto was alive and well, with him and holding him tightly.

Owen stood by, helpless, as he saw Jack fall to tiny pieces before his eyes and he could do nothing to help. Ianto on the other hand controlled him and eased him back into the present with such an ease it made Owens heart soften. Jack sobbed into Iantos suit and clutched at the fabric. Owen frowned as the ever immaculate Ianto didn't even frown at the mistreat of his clothing. Usually he'd mope for days if he got a tiny spot on it. Now, he didn't even wince. I guess with matters of the heart you soon forget your little pet peeves.

Owen looked up and saw Toshiko and Gwen standing near the railings, looking down at the pair with sad and wet eyes. Toshiko went down the stairs and as she reached her boys, she placed a comforting hand on Iantos shoulder, fully knowing that this moment was breaking the young mans heart as well. Gwen followed but draped her arm around Owens waist, offering a small amount of comfort for the ever so stoic medic. The team watched their fearless leader fall to the ground. Even though they couldn't understand or know what he's going through, their hearts broke for their friend. They couldn't imagine what he had been through but just the mere thought of Jack being tortured for pleasure made them sick to their stomachs. The tension between them was heavy and prominent but even more so was the anger, the disgust and the sadness. No matter how many shitty things Jack had done, the goodness inside him outweighed all the bad stuff. He never deserved this, no creature on any planet does.

Jacks insistent sobbing slowed down and he relented his grip on Ianto. He sniffed and buried his face in Iantos neck, seeking out the warmth and familiarity. Ianto rubbed his back with slow and comforting circles, kissing him whenever he could.

"Girls, leave us please." Owen asked. He looked at Ianto and mouthed the words 'stay'.

Ianto nodded, secretly smiling at the fact that he was the one that Jack took refuge in.

Owen placed a hand on Jack's shoulder and gently squeezed it, enough to make Jack's realize Owen was there. "Jack …"

"Sorry," he whispered. "It's just that …"

"You don't need to explain. We just want you safe." Ianto whispered back, immediately cutting off any apology.

"I thought I was doing all right but I guess I'm just … not."

Owen gave him an encouraging smile. "Jack … under the circumstances I think you're doing brilliantly."

"I don't quite see how breaking down when I should be strong is doing brilliantly."

"Who said you needed to be strong baby?" Ianto whispered into his hair. "You went through so much and no one knew you were hurting like this. You should've told us before."

"Why? So I could hurt you?"

"You don't hurt us. We care Jack. The fact that we're hurting because some bastard treated you like that, is a good thing." Ianto snapped. "You … we … all of us. We're a family. We need to stick together."

Jack chuckled. "I guess we are. A family."

"Oh yeah." Owen added. "We're all children of Torchwood. All lost, damaged and so very fucked up."

The three men laughed and Jack wiped the tears. "We bicker like relatives as well."

"Jack …" Owen began. "You gave us a home when our world's crashing down. You gave us a place to stay and a job. Please, let us help you."

"How?" Jack mused, an incredulous look on his face.

"Firstly you need to talk to us when you're feeling bad. We can do stuff to make it better like take over some of the responsibilities or just leave you alone if you wish." Owen started.

"That way no one gets caught off guard the next time you'll hit another low." Ianto soothingly said, still hanging onto him.

"I know you are a private man and you like to keep your secrets close to your chest," Owen said. "And that's fine, I'm not one for big emotional speeches as well. But let us know when you're not on top."

"We won't push okay? We won't push for information. Just tell us you need time." Ianto added, nearly pleaded.

"I guess that sounds fair." Jack responded, smiling but still sniveling.

An hour later things had calmed down. The girls were working again and Ianto was … wherever he usually like to hide from things. Jack sat on the tattered couch below the Torchwood sign and was casually sipping his weak tea as Owen poked, prodded and touched him. And none of that was much to Jacks delight.

"Okay." Owen said. "You're old and wise enough to know what you have to do to get physically better, right?"

"Errr … lay off the booze?" Jack replied, that twinkle back in his eyes.

"Jack!" Owen warned. "You've hardly eaten or drank something in the past days."

"I just haven't been that hungry. Or thirsty." Jack sarcastically replied.

"Jack …" Owen countered, his voice softening. "Listen, I know it's hard but you need to start caring for yourself. I don't get mushy or sappy but …" he sighed. "But … look … you're worth it okay."

"I'm worth it?" Jack scoffed, amused at Owens discomfort. "What is this, a shampoo add for L'Oreal?"

Owen sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically and for a moment Jack mused that maybe he had been spending too much time with Ianto. "Jack … you have worked you arse off to save Cardiff and the planet from extraterrestrial scum time and time again …from what I gather at least a hundred of years. You're a good man, despite the fact that you're smug, cocky, arrogant and unbelievably pigheaded. You've kept so many secrets from us and we don't really know much about your past, even if you know everything about us. You're intrusive, have little respect for our privacy and you constantly stick your nose where it doesn't belong. We know you've done some horrible stuff in the past. We know your morality is at best questionable. You are trigger-happy and take far too much pleasure in tormenting your adversaries."

With every single new thing added to the list, Jack's smile faltered.

Owen however just grinned. "And despite all of that, we follow you blindly."

Jack was momentarily stunned. He opened his mouth and for the first time in a long time, he did not know how to respond.

"Do you really think that brilliant minds like ours would follow you without much proof if you weren't a good man? So please, suck up your self-pity. You are worth something to us and to this world. You need to take care of yourself."

Jack smiled a little, feeling his heart well up to three times its size. Ianto came by and interrupted the little moment. He refreshed Jacks weak tea with another cup. Owen laughed internally because it reminded him of a time when Toshiko had burst into tears. Both men had been clueless to what to do with a crying woman. So when they noticed Gwen hugging her, Ianto just shrugged at him and dryly said a couple of words that sounded like the best goddamned advice he had ever heard. 'When in doubt, make tea.'

Jack just looked at him and smiled gratefully but he felt a twinge of doubt. He wanted to reach out and touch him, burry himself in his body and never let go. He needed to feel him against his own terrified and shaking body. He needed Ianto to comfort him, to soothe him. To make him believe they were both alive and together. But at the same time he was terrified that one touch from his beautiful boy would elicit another terrible memory.

"You can leave now. I'm not quite done." Owen said, snapping both men out of their moment. Without realizing they had been holding each others gaze. Owen was feeling a bit uncomfortable when their eyes kind of glazed over and darkened. With a more sympathetic nod, he added: 'I still need those files from the Jefferson's case. And the Dawkins. If you wouldn't mind …"

Ianto nodded, that polite nod accompanied by that secretive smile he always used. Ianto felt grateful because he knew that Owen had finished with the case days ago. He should've been angry because he was making him do unnecessary work and months ago he would have taken offence. But now he just felt grateful because he knew Owen had instructed him to do it so that he had something to do. Something to take his mind of the terrible fate Jack had undergone.

Once Ianto had had left, Owen cleared his throat. "You are going to start eating again, 3 times a day and you will eat. I want one of us to be present when you do and believe you me Jack, they will report to me and they won't lie for you. Not about this. You will drink at least a liter of water a day, sleep regularly again and stay off the narcotics and booze. Adding to that you're going to take supplements to your diet. Vitamins, iron and calcium. That's a good start to get you physically fit again."

Jack moped a bit but at the same time he felt a pang of gratitude. He was being cared for. That had not happened in a very long time. However, his gratitude was quickly being crushed by the never ending demands of the overly eager medic.

"You will have a weekly physical and psychological consult until I say so. I need to be sure you're back on you're A-game as soon as possible."

Owen kept his speech on for at least another 5 minutes, in which Jack just looked even more miserable than before.

The Captain saw Gwen walk by and much to Owens dismay, he mouthed the words 'help me'. Gwen shrugged and grinned. "We care so sue us. Complaints will be forwarded to the same person who handles the sexual harassments."

"But that's me."

"Exactly." Owen replied, grinning like a fool. "Lastly …"

"There's more?" Jack said, his voice more high pitched than usual.

"Lastly," Owen began, his voice a bit louder to drown out Jack's protest. "I think you should talk to someone who's been through the same thing as you."

Jack snorted. "Impossible. That would be the doctor and he's off … somewhere."

"Okay," Owen replied, silently cursing. "How about someone else. That Tish girl. Or … Martha? Is that he name? I'm sure they need someone to talk to as well."

Jack laughed. "We could start a club."

"End of the world- survivors club." Owen added.

"They're all in London though."

"Well," Owen huffed. "There is this ingenious invention where you push in some buttons and pick up this thing you can hold up to your ear and …"

"Har har har." Jack replied.

"Or just take some time off to go see them. Really, we are here for you any time but nothing beats downing down a few drinks with someone who knows where you're coming from. Just … promise me you'll think about it."

"I will, Owen."

"Then I'm done with you. I'm going to find Coffee Kid and get him to make me some bloody java."

"Coffee Kid?" Jack frowned. "What happened to Tea boy?"

"He got promoted." Owen just stated, shrugging.

Jack chuckled and got up, cracking his neck and back to relieve some tension. He looked around the place, his home but not quite a house, and observed the inhabitants. Ianto joking around with Gwen. Toshiko bent over a new piece of technology, squinting her eyes like she always did. Owen was creeping up behind her, silently giggling and holding out a plastic spider, no doubt the latest running gag amongst the team.

He smiled and thought deeply.

Humanity. A simple word that stirred so many emotions within Jack. What did it really mean?

A) all human beings collectively; the human race; humankind B) the quality or condition of being human; human nature C) the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence.

Kindness. Benevolence. Humane.

Yes, those little words summed up his team. Torchwood had always picked out the best minds and brains of the world but never had he seen a team with so many _humans. _After a while, Torchwood got to you and you learned quickly that having your heart on your sleeve, does not always bode well. But this team, yeah this team … was so deliciously human. And that's exactly why they worked so well together. Torchwood wasn't about eliminating threats anymore. It was about building a better and safer future.

Jack sighed deeply and felt hot tears prickling in his eyes. This time tears of pride and joy. He felt so grateful for having these brilliant people as his friends.

However, the day had been long and hard and even though they were a sparkling bright light amidst the darkness, he wanted to run and hide from the world, run and hide from his friends. He knew they were hurt that he'd left them but he could not deal with this, despite their good natured words. The world was just too heavy on his shoulders and for a second he felt himself being dragged back to the dark place the Master had sent him off to.

He ran to his office in hope of finding something – _anything _– to release him from this feeling of utter unease.

Behind him, he heard the shuffling of chairs and muted words being spoken. A familiar and soothing voice came clearer. "Yeah I'll be alright. You guys go ahead and I'll lock up."

Jack turned around and saw Ianto standing in his office, his suited body framed in the doorway. The light shone from behind him and it highlighted his tender and skinny body. His face was darkened by the lack of light in the room but his clear blue eyes were distinct in the darkness. He saw a small smile play on his lips and as he spoke, Jack felt the words wash over him and hitting him like a tsunami.

"I was thinking of taking you home, back to my flat. You've spent far too much time in this place and I thought it would be nice to have a proper dinner and sleep in a proper bed. Also, I have tons of movies and a shitload of snacks that should be eaten before they go off. It's been a rough day for everyone, I think a bit of pampering is in order."

"I don't want to be a bother." Jack replied, wincing as he heard the strain in his own voice.

Ianto moved over to stand in front of him. He trailed his fingers over his left cheek and he rested his hand on his jaw, cupping his face in a tender and intimate gesture. He smiled sweetly and whispered: 'As if you ever could be.'

One smile. One touch.

And suddenly the world didn't seem like such a shitty place anymore.

-fin-


	64. Chapter 64: Jack and Ianto

**_Jack and Ianto  
_**

_Two worlds collided_

_Two minds entwined_

_You and me_

_Against an army of men_

_Against all odds, against all belief_

_Side by side, hand in hand_

_Until the end  
__  
On a mission to save the universe_

_

* * *

ps: if you are interested in trying to undo what has been done in Children of Earth: Day 4 ... contact me :)  
_


	65. Chapter 65: The Reunion

New chapter!! This is kind of a follow up on chapter 17: 'Friendly advice' in which Ianto tries very hard to get Jack to accompany him to his high school reunion. Can be read alone though! It is partly based on a follow-up chapter I was writing with 382 but halfway through she stopped contacting me. I don't know what happened there but a few weeks ago I got a request for a follow up so I decided to go solo on it! Hopefully you'll like it (let me know!).

* * *

Ianto nervously paced around his bedroom. He'd been hunting through his wardrobe for the last hour in search of the perfect outfit for his high school reunion. Usually he didn't really care what others thought of his clothes – even though he did take a lot of pride in his collection of suits- , but something about the prospect of spending time with his high school mates made him feel nervous, anxious and bordering on panic.

He laughed incredulous as he put on his socks. He knew he was being stupid and that he should not feel the need for approval of people he hadn't seen in over 5 years. But somehow he could not help it. It also didn't help that Jack had finally decided to go along – after a lot of begging. It was the first time they would be together at a non-Torchwood related official function. Jack would be coming along … just for him.

'Oh god,' he thought, 'this is it. I'm taking Jack to my high school reunion. What if something goes wrong? What if Torchwood interferes … again? What if …'

The question was abruptly cut short as a polished looking Jack Harkness knocked and entered the bedroom. The sight of his lover dressed immaculately was enough to take his breath away and stop the train of thought that was quickly sending him over the top. Jack leaned back on the door frame, one foot over the other as he crossed his arms over his chest. He tipped his head sideways and smiled shyly. "Hey you." he quietly said.

Ianto gulped and let his eyes wander over the frame of his lover. Jack wore a stylish light grey suit that hugged his body in all the right places and a light purple shirt underneath, the perfect color to complement his piercing blue eyes. He didn't wear a tie but he did leave the first two buttons of his shirt undone, giving the watcher a peek of his hairless, tanned and muscular chest. He had accessorized the outfit with a tasteful golden bracelet and much to Ianto's relief he had left his wristband at home. He loved the damn thing – it quickly had become an object of eroticism, much like his stopwatch and ties- ut it would've ruined the picture perfect image he had in front of him. In his arms Jack held a coat. His usual RAF coat was replaced by a gorgeous woolen dark grey one, the shade of grey complementing the suit perfectly. Ianto knew Jack had brought along his usual coat as well – just as reinsurance. Probably hidden in the backseat of the SUV. He never could go anywhere without that damned thing.

Ianto let out a moan – or something between a moan and a 'guh'-sound – causing Jack's eyes to twinkle delightfully in the light of the bedroom. He knew he looked good and was thoroughly amused by Ianto's reaction.

The young archivist stared silently, mouth slightly open and eyes filled with admiration. He stood sheepishly by the side of his bed with one sock on his foot and the other in his hand.

Jack frowned and eyed Ianto up, glancing from head to toe. He chuckled at the sight of his lover gazing at him with an open mouth as if he had never seen him dressed up before.

Ianto looked down and noticed he was wearing only one sock, a crisp white underwear and a light blue shirt, half buttoned up. Sheepishly, he smiled.

"You clean up nice." Ianto softly said, not being able to take his eyes of his lover.

"Thank you. I would say you look great but in my opinion, you are still wearing far too many clothes."

Ianto rolled his eyes dramatically but a sly grin was plastered on his lips. He secretly loved Jack's constant attention. It kind of gave him a feeling of being needed and – dare he say it – cared for.

Jack walked over and kissed him, lightly and chaste. A sweet little kiss to greet his lover. His lips lingered on Ianto's and they broke apart with a content sigh. Jack cupped his cheeks for a second and kissed his forehead. Ianto smiled as he felt his lovers lips caressing to top of his head. For some reason a kiss like that always seemed far more intimate than a full blown snog. He loved little moments like this where they both bathed in the normality of the situation. Just for one moment they weren't undercover agents, they were just Jack and Ianto, two men who had stumbled into each others lives and had helped each other through painful and happy ordeals.

"Now," Jack muttered as he cleared his throat. "How upset would you be if I rubbed in the fact that I am dressed and ready to go, whilst you are hopelessly late?"

"Very." Ianto responded earnestly. "The ONE time I don't have to wait for YOU!"

Jack chuckled loudly. He raised his nose up in the air playfully and gave Ianto a mock-indignant look.

"Honestly, It's like being with a girl." Ianto continued, grinning like a madman.

Jack playfully slapped him on the butt and moved into the bathroom. "Am stealing a bit of your cologne. Not that I really need it … 51st century pheromones and all."

"Try not to overdo it. We all know how … _enthusiastic _you can get." Ianto shouted after him. He sighed heavily and got back to the task at hand … finding that damned outfit.

Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, Jack observed Ianto as he frantically paced around the room, searching for things that were scattered across the huge space. He noticed that Ianto was slightly trembling and nervously biting his bottom lip, causing the lip to turn a deep red. Jack tilted his head sideways and locked eyes with the nervous Welshman. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I just have this feeling something is going to go wrong." Ianto replied, his hands running through his hair.

"Sunshine …" Jack laughed innocently. "You are going to be fine. It's a big deal, but I'm right here okay? If we can handle Cybermen, Daleks, faeries, cannibals and Owen's continuous ranting, then I'm sure we can handle this. But I understand it must be hard for you to come out to your friends."

"Come out?" Ianto asked, gulping audibly. His eyes suddenly dilated and his cheeks turned pink.

"Yeah, I mean, they don't know do they? Isn't that why you wanted me to come along?"

Jack asked, quirking his eyebrows into a frown.

"Oh shit Jack … I hadn't even looked at it that way. I just wanted to go to this thing… with you. I never really cared about labels. I'm just trying to figure myself out. I never looked at it as falling for a man, it's the person you know … it's you."

Jack smiled fondly. "That's what I like about you! For a 21st century guy, you are quite evolved."

Ianto smiled and frown at the same time, not quite knowing if he had been complimented or insulted. He dropped the trousers he was about to put on and sighed. Sitting down on his king-size bed, he noticed his hands were trembling, felt his heart drop to his stomach and suddenly all feeling left his legs. He was also looking rather green.

"Ianto … you alright?" Jack sheepishly asked.

"Yeah, just nerves. What if … we just rented a movie? Or went down to the pub?" Ianto inquired, looking up at Jack with false hope in his eyes. "You know we could just kick back here and do whatever we want. We don't HAVE to go."

Jack knelt down in front of him and made sure they maintained eye contact. "Ianto … Sweetheart, you are going to be fine. And we are going to have fun. If something goes wrong … I have insurance." a grinning Jack said as he shook about a little container with white pills. "That's the great thing about being undercover agents. We have special techniques …"

"Retcon?" Ianto asked.

"Yep," Jack replied. "If aliens or really annoying exes attack, we'll manage. And as for you and me, if you want to leave, we'll just go. We don't need others to have a good time. And I will be there no matter what you decide to do, okay? But don't let nerves spoil an evening you've been looking forward to. Life is far too short for that."

Ianto smiled. "You're right, I guess I'm just being silly. I'll get dressed and we'll just see what happens."

Ianto hurried and got his outfit together, seemingly with less effort now he had calmed down. He chuckled to himself and when Jack inquired of the why, he just shrugged. "Some how, you can make everything seem so simple. And complicated. And loud. But … always better."

Jack smiled back at him, reassuring the tense Welsh man. "Oh tonight is going to be great. I can't wait to meet your high school sweetheart!"

"Urgh, she used to be a grade A cu-" Ianto said, getting cut off by the insistent ringing of the telephone.

He picked up the phone and rolled his eyes as he saw the name of the caller flash on the little screen. "What do you want Owen?"

"No, I can't come in and quickly make some coffee… I have plans."

"Yes, with Jack."

"That's none of your beeswax."

"Goodnight Owen … GOODNIGHT OWEN!!"

Jack chuckled. He knew Owen had been itching to find out what the pair were going to do and he wasn't too surprised that Owen called. "Curious bugger." he fondly whispered to no one in particular.

"Tell me about it." muttered Ianto angrily. "Little bi …"

Jack and Ianto both nervously walked through the wooden door. The moment they stepped over the threshold their senses were attacked by bright colors, cheerful banners, confetti and festive garlands. Loud cheesy 80's pop music assaulted their hearing and they both groaned loudly in unison. "My god, it's like Wham! threw up in here." stated Ianto, rather dryly.

"It sure is … very '80's." replied Jack, increasingly worried about the fact that the high intensity of color might actually blind him.

Suddenly a high-pitched scream burst through the room. "Ianto Jones, I can't Adam-and-Eve it!!" a woman yelled from the other side of the room.

Jack could clearly see Ianto cringing at the sudden wave of attention. He placed an –invisible to the present people - hand at the small of his back and gently rubbed it. "You know her?" he whispered to a reddening Ianto.

"Miss popularity." Ianto hissed through his teeth, faking a smile. "She was our version of the prom queen. Bitch with a capital B."

Jack nodded and chuckled but his eyes widened as she saw the woman approach. 5 ft 9, high heels, short skirt and a tube top. Typical Cardiff lassie. But what set her apart from the rest of the girls was the vivid blue eye make up she was wearing, clashing heavily with the bright magenta from her top. "Classy lady." he whispered sarcastically.

Ianto suppressed a laugh and as she approached and held out her arms before him, mimicking her. "Allison, how _lovely _to see you again."

"Oh Ianto, you're still the charmer. And may I say, looking good. I hardly recognized you without the dodgy hair and braces."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like you could tell me a few more stories about Mister Jones."

She quickly turned to face Jack and eyed him up head to toe. She licked her lips as her eyes kept wandering over the Captain's body. Her eyes twinkled, clearly enjoying what she was looking at. "And who might this handsome fella be?" she said in the sexiest, huskiest voice she could muster. She practically breathed the words as she held out her hand.

Jack smiled broadly and shook her hand. "Captain Jack Harkness, and who … are … you?" he said, granting her the biggest smile he could muster.

"Allison McGrath," she replied. "I sat beside Ianto during biology. So we go back."

She tossed her hair back and straightened her back which caused her entrapped bosom to stick out even more. With a proud grin, she added: "I put this evening together. Came up with the theme of tonight! Ain't it just … fabulous?!"

She hastily ignored the majestic eye roll Ianto threw her and cleared her throat. "Ianto and I were … friends." She explained, still shaking Jack's hand and staring deeply into his eyes leaving no room for her desire to be mistaken. She gazed at him with her mouth slightly open. Much to his disgust, Ianto also noted that the woman was slightly panting.

Ianto scoffed but this went unnoticed by the pair.

"Allison, we need your help." a woman nearby yelled out. "Someone's just spiked the punch!"

Reluctantly, she slowly let go of Jack's hand and without breaking eye contact, she spoke. "I need to go. My minions need me." she laughed lightheartedly but it sent shivers down Ianto's spine. "I hope we get the chance to … chat some more later, Captain. Maybe even a little dance … Oh and Ianto, I look forward to catching up with you. We should do lunch. Let your people call my people."

She leant in as if she was to place a kiss on his cheek. Instead, she whispered. "Is he single?"

Ianto drew back and gave her an incredulous look. "No! He's with me." he said, nearly shouted.

The girl blushed and turned away. She hastily went back to her crowd but it did not escape Ianto's attention that she was whispering rather enthusiastically and occasionally he saw a few fingers pointing in his direction. He sighed deeply and crossed his arms, looking angrily at the pamphlet in front of him. Mockingly, he mimicked the strange woman. "Let your people call my people. Pfff, sure I'll release a damned weevil on that woman. Or better yet, Owen."

Jack giggled. "No one is funnier than you when they're pissed off." the Captain said with a fond smile.

Ianto continued his demure ranting. "Great, rugby captain is going to perform in a band."

"Ianto?" Jack cautiously asked. "Are you o.."

"No, I'm not ok, Jack. I can't believe you threw her a Harkness."

"A Harkness?" Jack inquired, quirking his eyebrows up to a frown.

"You know," Ianto replied. "Captain Jack Harkness and who are you .." Ianto impersonated, doing a spot on imitation of Jack doing what he does best. "Oh and of course that smile of yours."

"Ianto," Jack started. He pulled Ianto's chin up so they'd make eye contact. "I'm here with you, okay? You really think I'd drop you for that?! Now, I…I'm starting to think there is … a story behind her."

Ianto blushed heavily. "How do you know me so well? I used to have a crush on her. But she didn't even know I existed. Completely ignored me for the whole six years of high school. Wasn't even worthy of standing in her shadow. Her words, not mine might I add. Figures she's responsible for this … tasteless excuse for room decorations and even more atrocious theme."

"Foolish girl. How could she not fall for those beautiful eyes of yours. Besides, that was a while back. And now … she's hitting on your boyfriend."

Ianto glanced at him.

"Think about it." Jack sang. "Apparently, you're the prom queen tonight. No one is this entire room looks better than you. Not even close. And honestly, I'm glad she didn't see the beauty in you that I get to see now. What if you had married her? Had kids with her?"

Ianto gulped audibly. "I shiver at the thought."

"Just imagine …" Jack giggled. "Little Iantos and Iantinas walking around with a magenta suit wearing bright blue make up and talking with a heavy Cardiff accent!"

Ianto groaned. "Oh god …"

"Exactly! Now, let's enjoy our evening together, shall we? Would you like some … erm punch?" Jack asked as he took in the buffet.

Ianto nodded and smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Oh just being you. And stopping myself from being me." Ianto replied, love and trust blindingly present in his eyes. He leaned in a kissed Jack. Sweet and chaste. A slight brush of the lips but it was more than enough to send sparks flying.

"Not worried anymore?" Jack asked.

"No Jack. I am who I am and I'm proud of it. If there's one thing you've taught me is that life is too short to worry about what people might think. And I am being escorted by the most beautiful man in this whole room." Ianto softly said as he brushed his left hand over Jack's broad and muscular chest. "Without a doubt, the most amazing man. I am proud of what I've become, despite certain regrets, and I am so very proud of the man that accompanies me to … well to this."

Jack opened his mouth to reply but a sweet voice from behind them caught their attention. "Ianto? Ianto Jones?"

They turn to face a stunning lady, dressed in a classy grey business suit and a light blue button shirt underneath. Her short wavy brown hair and pale skin highlights her sparkling green eyes. "Its so lovely to see you again!" she gushes sincerely.

"Wow, Kasey. It's been such a long time! You look lovely." Ianto responded, his eyes immediately lighting up. "It must've been at least 4 years!"

"It definitely has... Ianto. Thank you. You're looking pretty good yourself." she replies, eyeing him up with a wicked grin on her face. Ianto's face reddens, but his eyes hold a gleam of wickedness in them too.

"Do you remember all those Ancient History classes?" Kasey laughs, just as beautifully as she used to.

"Oh yes.." he replied as a wistful grin spreads across Ianto's face, "The only class I sat in the back row. Just so I could chat to you." Ianto dreamily stared into distance as he pondered about the days gone by. " Kase … do you remember how we always used to meet up behind the gym after class? And we always used to hang around there for hours, just talking, until it was dinnertime?"

Kasey smiled fondly. "I sure do! We'd spent most of our summer there. I loved that! Just you and me looking up into the sky and sharing stories."

"The world could have ended and we wouldn't have noticed." Ianto softly said, a fond smile gracing his peaceful face.

Jack felt a twinge of jealousy rush through them as he watched the two former friends – and with a heavy heart he suspected lovers- gaze into each others eyes. He resented Ianto for forgetting he was actually in the room. He cleared his throat but didn't receive any response. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Hello there, who are you?" Jack interrupted, using the most seductive voice he could muster up.

Kasey glances disinterestedly at the man who stole Ianto's attention. "You know him?" she asks Ianto.

"Yes, he does- Ianto is with me." Jack's face quickly turns from annoyance to glee when he sees Kasey splutter as she sipped her wine.

"I'm Captain Jack Harkness, thanks for asking!" he continues slightly miffed.

"You're gay Ianto?!" she exclaims loudly, perfectly in time with the lull in the garish music playing. Ianto looks around nervously, of course everyone heard that didn't they? What did he expect though- it was bound to come out.

"I didn't turn you gay did I??" Kasey almost whispers, embarrassed at her reaction as the music picks up again.

Jack snorted lightly and Ianto could clearly hear him mutter 'retcon' under his breath.

Ianto's reddened face soon drained of color as he heard her last sentence. " I don't like to define myself as gay or straight but if I must then I'd consider myself bi. I don't fall in love with genitals, but with the person in front of me. I just have found the right thing with Jack. That special thing you know? If we are all honest, gender doesn't matter- as long as you've found that special person. I want to be with someone that in 10 years from now makes my heart jump when I hear their key turn in the door. And Jack is that for me."

Kasey shuffled uneasy, embarrassed at her outburst. "Yan you've grown so much since school- and I must admit I'm envious of what you've found in life," she manages to mutter as she grins ruefully, "there is not much worse out there than a miserable marriage- take it from me."

"I'm sorry." Ianto gloomily said. "Things didn't work out for you?"

"No," Kasey said, in such a sad voice that broke Ianto's heart. "Not by a long shot. I met this guy. He seemed really nice. We married after two years of courting. Had two children and then he left me … for his secretary, of all people. Sounds like a bad cliché movie you'd see on the woman's channel." She laughed but the sound just didn't seem quite right.

"That's horrible. I'm sorry Kase."

"That's alright." Kasey replied.

"No, I am really sorry. I know you and you do not deserve such a treatment." Ianto suddenly held her hand and pulled her into a hug. The woman was taken aback by the sudden intimacy but returned the embrace. As they parted, a fond smile crept on her face. "You still care so much for others."

She turned to face Jack and grinned. "Tell me, does he still mother everyone else and forget himself?"

Jack's eyes twinkled naughtily. "Oh yes. Very much."

"We've been best friends since kindergarten," she explained, slightly embarrassed of her previous – rather rude – interaction with Jack. "We did everything together. Mother always said that Ianto could be her long lost son."

Jack smiled, finally understanding why their bond seemed so special. Suddenly he didn't mind that they seemed so close anymore. "So tell me, beautiful lady. You must know many stories about this one."

Kasey's smile turned into an evil grin. "Only about years worth of pubescent adventures."

"Let's walk and talk. To the bar." Jack exclaimed as he held out his arm for her.

"Has he ever told you he was in a band?" Kasey asked earnestly.

"No," Jack yelled in excitement. "He never has!"

"Oh yes, a grunge band called 'The knobs' and he played bass." Kasey squealed.

Jack locked eyes with Ianto. Terror shone through his eyes but Jack's were filled with pure amusement. "I've always loved a good bass player. They can always pull the right … strings."

Kasey and Jack walked together to the bar and ordered drinks. A 'pink princess' for Kasey and two scotch on the rocks for Ianto and Jack. Ianto sat down at their tables and watched his lover interacting with his former girlfriend. Nervously, he tried to read lips. And catch drifting words. Unfortunately, he wasn't getting any of the conversation. He just hoped that she'd skip the really embarrassing stuff. He wondered what Kasey was saying that made Jack laugh like that, grin like that and oh god, look at him like that. He gulped audibly as he saw his two companions approach. As Kasey sat down, she leant in and whispered in Ianto's ear. "I really like that guy. Where on earth did you find him and does he have an equally gorgeous brother?"

Ianto smiled. "I thought you might like him, an abandoned warehouse and no brother as far as I know, sorry."

"Ah well, we can't all be lucky." she shrugged.

They sipped their drinks and continued sharing stories, giggling and laughing loudly at content and even more so at the embarrassed look on Ianto's face. He visibly relaxed though, Jack enjoyed himself and Kasey was just over the moon. A sudden 'Psst' caught Jack's attention. He looked around him but failed to see something that could explain the noise.

He shrugged it off and returned his attention to the two persons at his table. Another sudden 'Psst' gathered his attention and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a skinny man waving at him. "Oh no." Jack groaned. Both Ianto and Kasey looked worried but Jack just brushed it off. "Need the loo."

Jack hastily got up and walked towards the man that was so eagerly beckoning him over. Once near the man, he grabbed his by the shirt and dragged him out of the room.

"Owen, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Jack, listen …"

"No, I will NOT listen. This is Ianto's night and I cannot believe you tracked us down just to feed your curiosity."

"JACK! I'm not the one trying to ruin your evening. Honestly, yeah I was curious so I kept on phoning him but that was mostly to piss him off. Look, there's some weevils in the neighborhood."

"What?" Jack exclaimed.

"Weevils, down the street. Need help." Owen said slowly, as if he was talking to an infant. And not a particularly bright one.

"Shit, not now." Jack swore as he vigorously rubbed his head. "Ianto can't know about this. He's finally enjoying himself. God _damnit_ do they know how to track us down or something?!"

"Just say you're going to meet up with some block in a park. He'd believe that." Owen said, laughing through the sentence.

"Owen!" Jack hissed angrily.

"Sorry Jack, couldn't help it. Just hurry. We need back up."

Jack groaned and with discontent, he pulled out his cell phone and entered a text message.

_Sorry to leave you hanging but something __came up. Be back ASAP. When I get back, I am taking you for a spin around the dance floor. Can't wait to see you shake that thing! Have fun with Kasey, she seems lovely! Xxx J_

Jack quickly followed Owen. "He's going to kill me for this one."

Owen snorted. "At least you get to come back. When he finds out that I'm the one who pulled you out of there, I'm a goner. He'd do it as well, he's shot me before."

Owen winced as he placed a hand over his shoulder, remembering the burning pain as the bullet entered his body. "Bloody Welshman."

"Come on Owen, we need to hurry." Jack hurriedly whispered.

"Yeah, Gwen and Tosh will be pissed off if they have to take on a weevil on their own."

"And not to mention that Ianto will flip if he notices that I left him behind to go chase a weevil." Jack said, visibly shivering at the thought.

"Haha…" Owen laughed as they exited the hotel where the party was being held. "Tea-boy has got the Captain whipped."

"Oh trust me, Owen. He's not one to whip. Believe me, I've tried." Jack stated, his typical smile brightening up his worried face. "But nothing is worse than a seriously pissed off Ianto. Last time I was in the doghouse, he wouldn't let me touch him. At all. For at least a week! Not even a small kiss. And he gave me decaf for a month. Ooh bad times, Owen."

"What did you do?" Owen inquired as they both drew their guns and skulked the streets.

"Oh nothing really … I just played a mind trick on him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well … I used alien tech on him. Clever really, gave him a necklace that had a transmitter built inside. If I activated it, I was able to read his mind."

"And he didn't like that?." Owen said as he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah!" Jack exclaimed. "Can you believe it?"

"Hmmm yeah what a bastard!" Owen sarcastically countered.

"Well how else was I suppose to find out where he hides the chocolate biscuits!"

Meanwhile …

Ianto jumped as he felt his phone vibrate. He reached into his pockets and read the message Jack had sent him. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"What's the matter?" Kasey asked.

"Jack needs to step out for a second."

Kasey frowned. "Oh?"

"He's RAF, something ALWAYS comes up." Ianto responded.

"But … we're not at war…"

Ianto was slightly taken aback. Christ, he thought, what does an RAF officer do outside war? "He has … other responsibilities, classified you know. He won't even tell me."

"Hmmm," Kasey hummed skeptically. "Are you sure he … doesn't have someone on the side? You know, eat his cake both ways?"

"No! Of course not!" Ianto replied, surprised at the allegation. If only she knew, he thought.

"He does seem to be the type to flirt."

"KASEY!"

A harsh voice interrupted their conversation. Ianto breathed a sigh of relief. He liked Kasey a lot but he had forgotten how very nosey … and observing she was.

"Kasey Allen! My word! You haven't changed a bit!"

"Tim Jervis!" Kasey exclaimed. "My god … how long has it been?"

Kasey got up and reached her hand at someone standing behind Ianto, his back turned to the person. Ianto rolled his eyes. 'Oh great,' he bitterly thought. 'The rugby team's captain. Just what we all need, a loud mouthed drunken Welsh stereotype.'

As he turned around, his eyes widened. The once handsome and popular jock had been reduced to mere shadow of his past. He'd put on at least 20 pounds, had lost most of his voluptuous hair and not a trophy-wife in sight.

He smiled as Tim eyed him up, eyes narrowed and face blank as he sipped his beer, clearly not the first of the evening. "Have we met before?" Tim asked.

"Yes we have. Jones, Ianto Jones."

Tim spat out half his drink. "Ianto Jones? The geek with the braces and the mullet?"

"The '80's were harsh on me, I must admit." Ianto gracefully countered.

"Well fuck me, the little boy has grown up."

"I'd rather not fuck you Tim, it might cause a riot."

Tim eyes narrowed even further. "You haven't lost that smart mouth of yours haven't you. I thought I beat that out of you."

"Why would I lose such a great addition to my sparkling personality?"

"Oh lord," Kasey sighed. "Testosterone in the house."

Both men glared angrily at the lady. "What? It's true! Gosh, ex-boyfriend meets ex-best friend at reunion and start bickering from the start. What a freaking stereotype. Now, be good boys."

"Kase," Ianto whispered. "He two-timed you with the biggest slut in school."

"That was ages ago Ianto, get over it. I know I did." Kasey responded, a sweet smile crossing her face. "But thank you."

Ianto nodded. "You're probably right. We are acting like kids aren't we."

"Kids on steroids, yes." she muttered under her breath.

"Sorry Tim, let bygones be bygones. Okay?" Ianto said as he reached out his hand.

"Fine." Tim answered, clearly disappointed but he shook Ianto's hand anyway.

"So, found someone to love?" Tim asked.

"My partner has gone out for a bit." Ianto hurriedly replied.

"Hmmm, let me guess. Blond, bog tits and a big mouth? Is she at least real this time?" Tim sarcastically asked.

"HE sure is real!" Kasey answered back. "I've met him and he is lovely. I'll be back in a second, need the loo."

Ianto knew what was coming as soon as he saw that wicked smile on Tim's face.

"A poof? I should have known. Guess you never did recover from NOT shagging Kasey."

"We were never like that. She was my best friend and I never liked her like that. We were more than the casual fuck you were."

"Sure, no one noticed you following her around like a puppy would after a treat. Puh-lease Jones, Ianto Jones. You may play it suave now but you were after her ass just like the rest of us."

Tim paused a moment to think, relishing the angry glare Ianto was giving him. "I may be fat and bald but at least I'm honest."

"Hmmm, yeah," Ianto started, feeling his blood boil to a maximum. He suddenly felt 14 again, the same boy who got shoved into his locker if he didn't get to the cafeteria fast enough. Or the same boy who didn't eat lunch because that ugly ogre had stolen his money. But he remembered. He remembered that he was Ianto Jones, protector of earth. He remembered that he wasn't the scared little boy that he used to be. He was a full grown man who was trained to fight. So he just smirked and leaned forward. "At least I didn't peak in high school." he whispered coolly into his ear.

Ianto turned on his heels and walked away, towards the exit, leaving behind a stunned and shocked Tim.

He walked out of the room and sighed as soon as he closed the wooden door behind him. "I need a cigarette." he said out loud. "Badly."

He lit up as he walked outside but stopped in his tracks when he heard familiar voices rushing past him, two meters to his left. He paused and turned around, trying to find the source of the noise. Footsteps hurried behind him and quick as a fox, he turned to them. He couldn't make out who the people were but he saw familiar shadows rushing behind the pillars that decorated the splendid hall. He frowned and then saw a familiar coat swishing. He gasped and gazed in shock, the cigarette sticking to his lips as he opened his mouth in disbelief. He must've imagined it. Really, how could this be?

Another movement caught his eye. Ianto cursed loudly. He distinctly saw four all too familiar figures running after a weevil. In a hotel. The same hotel where his bloody high school reunion was being held.

He rolled his eyes and cursed loudly. _You've got to be shitting me. _

He nearly caught up with the foursome when he saw a figure standing with a coffee tray in proximity of the beast. He gasped as he instantly recognized the brown hair and those piercing green eyes of hers.

"Take that, you bitch!" the woman said as she flung the tray right into the weevil's face. The weevil slumped to the floor and the four Torchwood-agents halted abruptly, stunned by the sudden stop of their hunt. Ianto bumped into Jack's back and slipped to the floor.

"Don't tell, you guys are Torchwood?" the woman said with a bright smile.

"Yes! And who might you be?" Gwen asked angrily as she watched Owen and Tosh inject the weevil with a strong sedative.

"Kasey." Jack said, huskily and mouth open in shock.

"Jack?" she said whilst laughing. "Should've known you were too good to be true. I just KNEW something was up with you."

Jack swatted a hand that was groping his jacket. A loud thud resounded as Ianto once again fell to the floor with a groan. "How do you know about Torchwood?"

"I'm working undercover for U.N.I.T. We're examining a leak in our Welsh department. I figured since I was in town, I'd stop by to see my old mates." Kasey elegantly replied as she wiped off some dirt of her skirt. "Wait, does Ianto know? Because you better not be hurting him!"

"Yes, he does know…" Ianto replied, as he finally gathered himself up off the floor, pulling himself up on Jack's broad frame. "He does."

Kasey snorted. "Typical bloody Torchwood to mess up my reunion."

"Well take the weevil back the cells. You two," Gwen said as she pointed her finger at Ianto and Jack. "Get back to your party and have fun." She smiled at them, reassuring that she was in charge and doing a good job at it. "Honestly, we got it covered. Have fun, you deserve it.'

He turned away but it only took a second for her to face them again. "And behave!"

She laughed and then ran out of the hotel.

"U.N.I.T huh?" Ianto asked. "What on earth?"

"Torchwood huh?" Kasey asked, grinning.

They both laughed heartily, with Jack still shocked between the pair.

"I knew you were too good to be working at a stupid tourist office."

Ianto smiled. "Why thank you ma'am!"

He held out his arm for Kasey and she gratefully accepted. "You didn't kill Tim did you? I know he's an ass …"

Ianto gave her a mock-surprise look. "It never really crossed my mind. Even though I'm sure we can cover it up nicely. After all we are the best in this district."

"So I've heard!"

"Coming, lover?" Ianto asked as he glanced at Jack, still standing slightly shocked. Mouth open wide and eyes dilated.

"What on earth did just happen?" he asked as he raised his hands in surrender.

Later than evening …

Jack waited in the parking lot as he watched Ianto give his lengthy goodbye to Kasey. He leaned back on the bonnet of the SUV. He looked up at the sky and saw a million tiny lights blinking rapidly at them.

'The stars,' he thought. 'All those stars, all those people out there and not even one of them could sway me to leave Cardiff.'

He returned his attention to the couple in front of them and smiled. 'To leave him.'

He watched Kasey completely gloat and look up at Ianto with pure admiration and love. She hadn't even looked at Jack twice that night. She had remained focused on her ex-best friend. Jack wasn't used to it. He usually got all the female attention and he thrived on it. But this time, he didn't mind. He watched Ianto beam and thought it was about time he took his rightful position in the sun. He was so much more than just that Tea boy. He was growing into a man he wanted him to be. A man he could possibly love.

Ianto gave Kasey a quick peck on the cheek and escorted her to her car. After a few quick words, Kasey drove off into the night with a promise to keep in touch. For real this time.

Ianto sighed and waved at Jack from across the parking lot.

"Who am I kidding?" Jack mused. "I'm already head over heels."

Ianto reached Jack and quickly buried himself in the Captain warm coat. Jack chuckled and hugged him tightly. They stayed silent for a few minutes, relishing the sharp contrast of the warmth from each other's bodies and the chilling cold from the air. Twinkling lights and a full moon lit up the abandoned parking lot and the silence was comforting and natural.

Ianto sighed contently and inhaled Jack's scent. He felt calm and relaxed, something he didn't have the luxury of feeling too often. He felt at home just because Jack was near.

"Thank you for tonight, Jack." he whispered into Jack's collar.

"You're not mad about the interruptions?"

Ianto chuckled. "Hardly your fault is it?"

"I guess so." Jack replied as he caressed Ianto's cheeks.

"Seriously, thank you for doing this. I know it was hard for you to do. But thank you for doing this for me."

Jack cupped his chin and lifted it up, so they were staring into each others eyes. "Baby … I'd tear apart the universe if you'd ask me to. And that's a promise."

He sealed that promise with a kiss, long and lingering and without any alternative motive. With the stars and moon blessing their existence, they both fell harder and deeper than before. Scared but safe, they were losing themselves in each other.


	66. Chapter 66: Imperfection

**Imperfection**

Jack snuggled against Ianto and breathed in the post coital smells of the room, himself and Ianto. He placed a chaste kiss on his forehead and noticed the young mans eyes fluttering shut in pleasure to the touch.

He smiled vacantly and mused. 'Lately there is something different about Ianto. He seems distant, distracted but for some reason also more affectionate. He is always thinking about subjects that he never shares with me. Always Frowning, muttering under his breath and constantly looking bewildered. But at the same time he is more aware of his surroundings. When I'm with him, he devotes all of his attention to me. When he kisses me, he takes his time to indulge. When he touches me, it is always soft and tender. It's as if he relishes in the contact, he cherishes it as something exceptional and beautiful like rare pearls. When he looks into my eyes, it was always filled with desire. Desire. But not with lust. It's as if he's not looking at me, but into me.'

There was something sad about Ianto, everyone agreed. Jack didn't know when or how – even though he had a few ideas - he'd lost that spark, the flame of life and love. I guess it's not that odd considering what he's been through. Life had been nothing but unkind to him but he never complained about it. Until everything goes wrong and he just cracks.

Jack looked at him again and he felt a hand clutching his heart, seeing his bed partner so young and vulnerable. 'During the day times Ianto canhide it so well.' the Captain thought. 'By it I mean that sense of loss and confusion. Of hurt and betrayal. Of utter desperation and need. It's always there in his eyes if you know where to look. But unfortunately, no one really took the time to watch and see. No one but me. During the night, he sometimes loses his strength to hide it. That's when I know that he should stay close. Just in case … well let's just say just in case.'

Jack kissed his young lover and smiled at his shyness as Ianto buried his face in his neck and giggled. Even though they had both been completely naked and spread out for one another mere minutes ago, it took a gentle hug and a kiss for Ianto to blush and avert his eyes. Jack felt Ianto snuggle back, his slender arms tightly wound around the Captains waist, almost painfully - as if Ianto was scared that Jack would suddenly let go.

"Did you know you have the tiniest freckle on your shoulder?" Jack asked with a lopsided grin.

"Yeah, I hate it." Ianto replied, nuzzling in his neck.

"Why?"

"It's hideous Jack."

"No it isn't."

"It is. Ugly." Ianto whispered.

Jack sighed, shallow and silent. He knew that Ianto meant 'I'm ugly'. He had lost so much confidence in himself, the people around him and the world. It showed in his words and his smile. Always a polite smile, one that he used to keep for those moments where he knew he was right but didn't want to push for the sake of not ruining a moment. Never more a genuine smile of hope and happiness.

"Well, I adore it." Jack said as he kissed the tiny freckle on his shoulder. "I'm going to make sure I'll give it extra attention next time I'm worshipping you."

"Next time?" Ianto asked. "You'd want me again?"

Jack chuckled. "Why wouldn't I? I think you're beautiful. And I love holding you close to me."

Ianto stayed silent for a moment before muttering against Jacks neck. "I love being held by you."

"Yeah?"

"Mmmm. Warm. Protected."

Jack knew Ianto was close to sleep. He felt his breathing slow down rapidly and he knew he'd never be this honest about his feelings if he weren't drowsy. "You're falling asleep baby." Jack whispered.

"Mmmm." Ianto responded. Suddenly his eyes shut open and he stiffened. "Sorry, erm I'll leave. I know you're not …"

He started to squirm in the embrace but Jack held him close, shushing for him to stay calm. "It's fine. I don't mind you staying. I don't mind you sleeping over."

"You don't?"

"No baby." Jack replied. It felt weird being this affectionate with Ianto and calling him sweet words after all that had happened but he knew the young man needed it. He craved some sort of love and Jack knew he needed to be taken care of. So he did. But he made a promise to himself. Care for the boy but never lie to him. So when he called him baby, he meant it. He cared for the young man, he just didn't like being so affectionate with him. With anyone for that matter. "Like I said, I like you staying over."

Ianto smiled. "Thank you." he said, relief flowing into his words.

'There it is,' Jack thought. 'His guard was down for one second and it was clear. He needs me. He needs someone. Oh baby …'

"You're welcome." Jack murmured into his hair. "Now you sleep. I'll watch over you. I'll keep you safe."

He felt the young man relax in his arms. He saw him close his eyes and smile in response to Jack kissing his cheek. It was the sweetest thing he'd ever seen. A little timid smile and careful fingers that shyly linked with his.

"Are you sure you want me to stay? I won't feel bad if you'd rather be somewhere else." Ianto replied.

"No," Jack softly said. "I want you to stay here. With me."

Ianto opened his heavy eyes slowly and blinked back his surprise. "Me?"

Jack chuckled. "I've had enough bed partners to differentiate between one night stands and lovers. You are far from an occasional one night stand. You're far too precious for that."

Ianto shook his head but tightened his grip on Jack. "I don't understand what someone like you could ever see in me."

"Oh but you will. I'll make sure you do. I'll make sure you see all that beauty that is bursting inside of you. Now sleep baby. Tomorrow's going to be a long day. Don't worry, I'll keep the nightmares at bay."

Ianto sighed contently and finally felt warm and loved underneath the sheets as he was held in a protected embrace. For once he didn't feel like running and hiding. He didn't want to move anywhere and secretly he wished for that moment to last forever.


	67. Chapter 67: Lockdown at 2200 hours

A/N: hello lovelies. I've rewritten on of my old stories, Lock-down at 10 and this is part 1. I've always liked the story but reading it again, showed me how inexperienced I was at the time. So, I rolled up my sleeve and gave it another go. I hope you like it. Love to get some reviews and there will be cookies at the door :)

* * *

**Lock-down at 22.00 hours**

**part 1  
**

_**22.00 hours**_

Captain Jack Harkness sat in his office, seemingly studying the file in front of him. In truth, he was staring in front of him and thinking about the past few weeks. The small print on the files danced in front of his eyes but he didn't really perceive it. He was far too caught up in distant memories.

Gwen was settling in nicely within the team and had taken a liking to her new job. She worked hard and seemed to be coping well with the weirdness of the job. Her bubbly personality had enchanted everyone and she rapidly was on friendly terms with the team.

Owen was the same old grouchy bugger. Jack didn't think anything would bring him out of his sarcastic funk. But as long as he kept up the standard of his work, Jack didn't complain. Some people just weren't as cheerful as he was.

Toshiko seemed more at ease with Gwen than she was with Suzie. They get on better and they seemed to be actually talking and not just co-existing. Sometimes he found himself in an episode of 'Sex And The City' if he wasn't careful. She worked hard but owned up some time to take care of herself. I guess Suzie's madness was a wake up call for everyone.

And then there was Ianto.

Jack looked up from his desk and the first thing he saw was his assistant making coffee in the distance.

Even from afar Ianto seemed sad and lonely. Then again, he always did and always had. Even before Lisa had been discovered, there had always been a sort of poetic sadness about him. He hid it well but if you looked closely, it was always there in his eyes. A spark of emptiness, self deprecation and self hatred. In the darkness, it almost became painfully visible. Occasionally Jack and Ianto had shared the night – and their beds - with each other for comfort, companionship and or just full blown sex. In those few moments they spent together, limbs and lips entangled in post orgasmic bliss, he always thought there was a glint of hopelessness in his eyes. In hindsight he should have realized something was up. But Ianto was as charming as he was devious and much to his regret, Jack never suspected a thing. Now the same shimmer that used to reside in his eyes only in the pits of darkness, was noticeable more frequently – when he was tired, angry, sarcastic or when his hardened guard was down. Even more so since _'that day'_. It was there when Owen snapped at him for being a smartarse, it was there when Toshiko refused to look him in the eye and it certainly was there when Gwen didn't even think twice to thank him for his hard work. Jack did his best to help him, after all he was responsible for him. He talked to him, even though Ianto didn't talk back much, made sure he ate and drank enough and he made sure Ianto actually went home at night and didn't drink himself into oblivion every night. But Jack never managed to get him to open up on his own. The only time he heard him speak about his loss, heartache and sadness was when Ianto hit rock bottom.

During his suspension, Jack had often visited him in the evenings and more than often that he'd like he'd found the young man drunk, ill and ranting. Ianto had screamed, yelled and cursed at Jack, called him the scum of the universe and moments later Jack found him clinging to him, sobbing and crying into his shirt and begging him not to leave.

Jack guessed it was part of the mourning ritual. Sometimes people just didn't know what to do with themselves when they were hurting like that. But there was more to it. It was the survivors guilt, the self hatred of a betrayer, pure hatred against the world and the sadness of loss. Besides that, Jack realized that Ianto may have been truthful when he said that he had nothing left to lose. Sure, he had a sister but she also had two small children to take care off. Even if her intentions were good, there was no way she could provide the support that he needed. Ianto was alone in the world and devastated. Jack knew what he was feeling all too well, so he stuck by him as he ranted, cried and screamed.

Furthermore, Ianto was not only mourning Lisa but also the tragedy of Canary Wharf. He spent so much time taking care of Lisa that he did not fully process what had happened to him. Now that he had no body to take care of anymore, everything he had experienced came back to full force. For the first time he was coming to terms with what happened on that day.

Little by little, Ianto seemed to come back to his senses. The sadness was still there but he had calmed down. He started realizing what Lisa in the end really was, what she had done and more importantly what he had done. When he had shown remorse and sorrow but also levelheadedness and morality, Jack had allowed him back into the Hub.

The welcome back wasn't warm, friendly nor was it polite. It was messy and hostile but neither Jack or Ianto had expected anything different. There were days no one spoke to him, putting insults and snapped remarks aside, except for Jack. The Captain was worried that the harsh treatment would push Ianto even further into his pit of hell but he was proud to see that he hung in there. He took every comment, snipe and yell all in and dealt with it with as much grace and elegance as a man in his position could muster up. Jack would've liked to see him fight more but I guess one should not push their luck. He knew well that Ianto thought he deserved this treatment, that it was part of the punishment.

Little by little, the team eased up on Ianto and more and more did Ianto slip back into the background. Just like before, as if he didn't exist. As if he didn't matter.

The coffee was always there on time, files were carefully put away and alien inhabitants were neatly fed. The man himself however was more than often found hiding in the archives, secretly protected against the world that had treated him so badly. The team didn't really took notice of his disappearing act; they were mostly too focused on their jobs and their lives to care about _'that guy'_.

But Jack noticed. Jack noticed during the small time he spent in the main area of the Hub that his face was pale, his eyes red rimmed and his hands were shaking. He noticed Ianto, despite his encouragement, often skipped meals, didn't sleep or responded mechanically to everything around him. He wasn't living, mere existing. Ironically, he was turning into a robot on autopilot.

The young man was slipping from his fingers and he wouldn't allow it. Jack had already lost Suzie under his command and he wasn't about to lose another member of his team. He recruited them and therefore he was responsible for their safety. He figured Ianto could do with a change of scenery. He worked far too much. He usually was first one in the Hub and last one out. Jack guessed that the Hub must be less lonely than his own home. Less silent, less harsh. He could really relate to that.

So he took Ianto along with the team to the countryside. For a weekend of bonding. In hindsight not the best idea. Four broken ribs, multiple bruises, broken wrist and a concussion. Ianto just couldn't catch a break.

One week later and the same story continues. The scars were slowly fading, the incredulous ranting had stopped and everything went back to normal. Ianto once more was ignored as the rest of the team carried on with their lives.

The Captain knew that Ianto noticed he was staring at him but he couldn't care less. He was worried and he wanted Ianto to know. The archivist had come in early this morning and hardly spoken a word to anyone. He was crawling back into his shell but Jack could see that every good natured remark hollowed his soul. A lot of the time it was nearly visible how much strength he needed to just swallow back a scream or an angry retort. As long as you knew where to look. Or even bothered to do so.

With much regret, Jack realized that Ianto was right. It was their – his – fault that Ianto had strayed so far from sanity. In the end they didn't notice him. They didn't care for him. And they still didn't.

If they had only looked – and not just looked but really seen him – then it was painfully obvious that the young man was struggling to survive and hiding a terrible secret. Jack mused at how easily Ianto was overlooked. He should've known better. Just the simple fact that he was one of the few that had survived Canary Wharf should have made him more wary of his psychological health. But he didn't and neither did the rest. Even now everyone was oblivious to him – even after knowing what he's been through and actually witnessing his breakdown – no one seemed to care or make the effort to show him.

Ianto distributed the coffee and politely smiled at everyone. Jack noticed no one really thanked him. To his disgust, he even noticed that only Toshiko actually stopped working and actually looked at him when she accepted the cup. Gwen and Owen just shrugged and took the cup with a grunt and without so much as averting their eyes from the subject in front of them. Even worse, he noticed that Ianto didn't expect anything else, like he was used to this type of treatment. As if he wasn't even worthy of human contact.

Jack sighed and got up to talk to Ianto. Something had to be done. He doubted than anyone could cope with so much negativity in their lives. He was half way to the small kitchenette when he first locked eyes with Ianto. The Tea Boy opened his mouth as if to say something but quickly closed it firmly shut.

Suddenly the lights of the Hub went dark.

"Toshiko, what's with the darkness?"

"Power drain Jack!"

"We've been having generator problems all morning." Ianto said glumly from afar.

"This is starting to feel a bit familiar," Owen replied with a concerned look directed at Ianto. "Another girlfriend in the basement tea-boy? Or a boyfriend this time? Dog? Cat? Long lost twin?" Owen smirked but he nervously fiddled with the seam of his jacket, betraying that behind the sarcasm and wit lay an insecure and untrusting man.

Gwen poked Owen sharply. "That was a bit uncalled for Owen." she whispered.

The woman glanced at Ianto and felt her heart break at the sad expression on his face, still swollen and blue from Brecon Beacons. She didn't really get along with him but mostly that's because she didn't know him or understood him. It was awkward to talk to him because he was always so reserved and she wasn't used to that. But still … she felt so bad for him and she knew little remarks from Owen – and to her shame from herself- made that cut in his heart deeper than he'd ever let on.

"I'll go check." Ianto said, averting his eyes from everyone.

Jack soon followed the man in the suit. "I'm coming with, Ianto. Two pairs of eyes are better than one."

Jack shook his head. He walked behind Ianto, his shoulders slumped and head low. Even in the semi-darkness of the bowels of the Hub, the shadows illuminated the sad, lost and defeated expression on his face. Jack wondered how much more of this the young man could take. He worried about him and if he was truly honest, he was ashamed that he never noticed that Ianto, with whom he had shared his bed on many occasions, had always been so vulnerable. He wondered that maybe, just maybe, if he had seen instead of looking, listened instead of hearing. That maybe he had seen that Ianto had a terrible secret. Just maybe he could have done more to help him. He couldn't help but fret over that one little detail.

Ianto had grown accustom to Jack's presence. Since Lisa, Jack had been watching him like a hawk. He hadn't expected anything different from his boss. What he had done was inexcusable but he had hoped that Jack would have soften his watch after the recent events so he could at least deal with his emotions privately. Nothing was further from the truth as Jack was now more worried than ever and was constantly fussing over his health. Ianto was confused by his fretting. Was it out of worry? Or maybe guilt?

Either way, it made him nervous. He didn't feel like being watched and the constant reminder of his betrayal made things worse instead of better. On a deeper level, he liked it. He liked knowing that someone was looking out for him, something he hadn't felt for so long.

Jack and Ianto went to the lower levels of the Hub, in search of the electricity center. Ianto knew exactly where it was, but orientating himself in the darkness proved to be a challenge for him. "It should be here." Ianto said to Jack who was holding a flashlight.

Ianto sighed. "Hmm … urgh seems like there a leak in the water system, short-circuiting the main frame."

"There!" Jack pointed at a leaking water pipe just above them.

"There must be some tools round here. Ah here they are.". Ianto picked up a wrench and started working on the water pipe.

"Do you always keep tools here?" asked Jack.

"Yep, the Hub is old. Needs repairs." responded Ianto.

Jack smiled fondly. "Always at the ready huh?"

Ianto nodded but did not understand why the older man was smiling so broadly. "Indeed sir."

Ianto was turning off the water supply to the pipe when suddenly he gasped for air and grabbed hold of his sides. His ribs felt like they were on fire. He cursed silently and moaned in agony.

"Alright there Yan?" Jack said as he rushed over. He held him by his left hand, wincing at the feeling of the protective cast around his wrist.

"Yeah, just overdid it. Damned broken ribs. Still a bit sore." Ianto replied, smiling slightly.

Jack seized the wrench from Ianto and stared at the wounded man.

"I'm fine." said Ianto, reacting a tad bit too fast to be convincing.

"This should do it for now." he continued, the words gritted through his teeth. He knew Jack didn't buy it but it was worth the shot. "But I'm not used to working with pipes so I don't know how long this will last."

"You've done good Ianto. Thanks." Jack responded quietly.

" 's my job sir."

Ianto took back the wrench, dropped it in the toolbox and stepped back a bit. Because it was dark, he did not see the chair behind him and stumbled onto the ground with a loud thud. As he fell, his left arm scraped against a spike sticking out of the wall. The spike cut the inside of his arm leaving behind a nasty 10 cm gash. Ianto let out a yell of pain and tried to pick himself off of the floor. He reached up to the wall and grabbed the first thing he could find, not knowing that the lever he was pulling was one not to mess with. In an attempt to get up, he pushed the lever with all his weight causing it to fold. Simultaneously an alarm sounded through the Hub:

'**Warning, Torchwood institute going into 24 hour lockdown. Quarantine. There may be danger of biological contamination.'**

"Shit," cursed Jack. "You activated the emergency lockdown. You ok though?"

"Yeah," Ianto replied strained. "Just hurt my arm and ankle."

"Let's get back to the main area." Jack said.

Ianto groaned. "Lock-down. Shit, what have I done?"

Jack reached out his hand to Ianto and with ease he held him up. "It's fine, we'll deal with it." he whispered soothingly.

"I'm sorry sir, really if I had known ..."

"Ianto … it's fine. We'll deal okay?" Jack replied.

Whilst supporting Ianto, Jack slowly guided him to the main area of the hub.

"I just can't seem to catch a break." Ianto murmured silently.

At seeing their captain, Owen, Tosh and Gwen spoke simultaneously, resulting in a mixture of complaints, screams and curses.

"QUIET!" shouted Jack. "Tosh, try to get to lights back. Should be no biggie as the source of the problem has been resolved."

Jack nervously helped Ianto onto a chair. He knelt down and stroke away a stray strand of hair off his face, noting the ghostly pale color on his lips. He gasped a little at the pallor of the other mans skin. "U sure you are ok?" he asked attentively.

Ianto nodded but was looking quite miserable and still clutching his broken wrist and sore ribs. He opened his mouth to say something but swallowed instead, words once again dying on his lips.

"What is going on?" asked Gwen. "Is there a threat?"

"No, no threat. It seems we have gone into a quarantine lockdown." replied Jack.

The three members spoke as one: "Lockdown? Quarantine?"

"Yes," continued Jack. "The worst kind. Dead lock seal. Not even a sonic screwdriver can open that."

"How could a screwdriver open a door?" asked Tosh, frowning.

"Long story!" replied Jack and Tosh thought she saw a spark in his eyes.

"What happened?" inquired Owen.

Jack cleared his throat and muttered: "Little accident. Lock-down got triggered. We'll fix it."

"Jack!" Owen warned. "What the fuck happened?"

Jack breathed a sigh of trepidation. "Ianto fell and hit the lever."

"What?" screamed Owen.

Jack feared this moment. Owen had been snapping all week and he was worried that this might be the last drop for the medic. When he got angry, there was nothing anyone could do to calm him down. And unfortunately for Ianto, he was usually on the receiving end of his tantrums. Even more so since the Lisa – fiasco.

"It was an accident Owen. He tripped. It could've happened to anyone. Calm down." said Jack remaining as cool as ever. "We'll fix it."

"How long Jack?" asked Gwen.

Jack moaned slightly. "If we can't override the protocol, which I doubt we can as it's a quarantine lockdown, 24 hours."

Gwen's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "A whole day? Jack, it's my birthday tomorrow! I'm suppose to be having a birthday cake in an hour, followed by birthday sex!"

"I know Gwen, I'm trying the best I can."

Jack tried to look apologetic but he was thinking about more pressing things than cake. "Tosh what's the status on lighting?"

The young Asian was still typing vigorously. "Any minute now."

"SO … " started Owen. "Are you telling me that because tea boy over there has the misfortune of having two left feet and half a brain we have to stay here for the next 24 hours?"

"I'm sorry Owen." said a pained voice from the opposite corner.

Owen ignored Iantos apology. He also ignored the fact that his colleague was quickly draining of all color. And he certainly did not notice the blood dripping down his fingers. "You're sorry? You've been saying that a lot lately haven't you? Is this another strategy of you trying to get us all killed?"

Jack, Gwen and Tosh both shouted a fierce "Owen!"

Gwen smacked him over the head. "Owen, stop being a prick. It's all in the past."

"No Gwen. It's not right. Am I suppose to act like all is fine and dandy after what he's done? He could have killed us!"

"Owen, this isn't the right time for this. Please." Gwen pleaded.

Suddenly the lights turned on again.

"Ah at least that's covered," said Toshiko. "Jack I'm starting the process of reversing the lockdown"

"Toshiko Sato, you are a goddess! Thanks!"

Jack was anxious to get the two men on his crew as far away from each other as fast as possible and was so happy that Toshiko at least had remained collected. He turned to face Ianto and his face whitened. "Ianto, have you realized you're bleeding?"

They all looked at the man in the chair, his dark blue jacket stained with a dark patch on the left sleeve and his hands were covered with blood. The blood pooled on the floor underneath his soiled fingers . Ianto brought up his hands to his face and gulped audibly. "I thought it was just a scratch. Didn't realize …"

"Fucking moron." cursed Owen angrily. "You stupid, daft, idiotic Welsh bastard. Get to the autopsy bay, you probably need stitching."

Jack grabbed Owen by the arm. "Owen, can you handle it by yourself? I won't have to break you two apart will I? Seriously, the last thing I need is break up a fistfight between the two of you."

Owen shrugged. "I'm not a child Jack."

"Then I'll help Tosh deal with the lockdown. Owen, If I hear that you've …"

"Jack! I've got it. Stop treating him like he's made of glass."

"And you stop treating him like he's made of stone."

_**23.25 hours**_

Awkwardly, Owen helped Ianto out of his jacket and shirt. His eyes shot open at the amount of fresh blood on the clothing. 'Definitely stitches then.' he thought somberly.

Owen carefully looked at the wound, selfishly ignoring the old scars and cuts he hadn't seen before on the young mans body. "Not as bad as it seems. Needs about five stitches. Deep cut. What did you hurt yourself with."

"I think it was a nail sticking out of the wall." Ianto silently mumbled.

"Nail? Let me guess … a rusty one?" Owen asked with his usual dry wit.

Ianto nodded. "It's in the lower levels of the Hub so it's a safe bet."

"You can be so stupid, you know." Owen added. "Instead of being careful, you go around pulling things that should not be pulled. Getting us stuck here for the night. You know, just because you don't have a fucking life doesn't mean we don't have one either. I sometimes wonder what Jack was thinking when he hired you. Or well I know with WHAT he was thinking."

Without warning he inserted a syringe into the wound and injected a anesthetic. Ianto yelped for a second but a harsh look silenced his cries. Without waiting for the anesthetic to fully work he started stitching up the wound, much to Iantos distress.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." Ianto mumbled, desperately biting his tongue to control the pain.

"You never mean anything to happen so shut your trap Ianto. Seriously, I don't know how you did it but you've got Jack wound your little finger. But the rest of us are not that easily convinced. Especially not of your innocence. Pretty blue eyes and a sad pout and boss-man forgives without a flinch."

"It's not like that. He's still angry with me and I do have to answer to him." Ianto snapped. "Just because he's civil to me doesn't mean everything's cool between us. He's watching me like a hawk and he has to okay every little thing I do. I can't even take a shit without him knowing. And could you please be more careful?"

Owen kept on stitching the wounds and in ten minutes time he was done, defiantly ignoring the pleas.

"If I were you, I'd stay away from me for a while. Unless you want to be thwacked." Owen hissed a few inches from Iantos face. The medic quickly injected a tetanus shot and without saying any other words, Owen tread heavily out of the autopsy bay.

Ianto was left behind clutching his sore arm with his broken hand. He was alone, still in pain and sad. He looked around himself and wondered if the day could get any worse. Glumly he realized that the night had just begun. He still had another 12 to 24 hours to spend with the team. He mused that maybe not even the ancient Hub was big enough.

"Need some help Yan?" asked Tosh shyly. She smiled reassuringly, trying to convey some sort comfort without making it seem like pity.

"I can manage." responded Ianto stubbornly.

"Jack gave me one of his T-shirts for you to wear." Tosh added. "Might be a bit big but at least it's clean."

Tosh walked over to him and helped him get the shirt on. "There, that's better. A bit big but still as handsome as before."

She looked at him and knew he could tell she was lying. These days Ianto looked nothing like the man he used to be. The cannibals really did a number on him and he'd lost so much weight in such a short time. His face looked worn out, tired and his eyes betrayed the misery that lived so clearly in his heart. Toshiko wiped away a lingering tear, caressed his cheek and said nothing else. It was all that Ianto needed to keep his emotions in check.

_**00.10 hours**_

Toshiko smiled. "Jack, I've managed to cut down the lockdown to 12 hours but the protocol is bulletproof. I think I would've liked the guy who designed this program."

Jack beamed. " I knew you could and you definitely would've liked Mark. My god that man could start my engine within seconds."

Owen snorted in the background. "Even 'cousin It' starts your engine Jack."

"I guess we'll have to stay the night here then! Oooh goody, sleepover!" said Jack, grinning from ear to ear and conveniently overhearing the medics comment. "Owen, where are the sleeping bags?"

"Got them. But only four. I guess Tea Boy can sleep on the couch … Away from us"

"I can sleep there," offered Jack. "I'm used to sleeping in creepy places."

"No," said Gwen. "I think Owen is right. Ianto caused this so he's the one that should be uncomfortable."

"I could always sleep in my den." Offered Jack.

"And who will protect us from the bedbugs?" Gwen replied, smiling sheepishly.

She glanced at Ianto and threw him a dirty look. She held him responsible for missing her birthday with her man so the last thing she wanted is to spent the night in the company of the culprit. Tosh gave Ianto a weak smile in an attempt to cheer him up. He smiled back but his smile never did quite reach his eyes. And it never had since the day he had lost Lisa. Ianto crept away from the team and checked the rift monitor, leaving behind the chuckles and laughter of his teammates. He knew he wasn't going to sleep much so he deemed it fit to start working again. Because if he didn't work, somber thoughts washed over him and he'd soon find himself in another depressing mood.


	68. Chapter 68: Lockdown at 2200 hours 2

**_00.39 hours_**

Jack looked rather cheerful. When asked why, he just answered: "Well there is one bright spot in this situation. No matter what the rift vomits out next, we can't do anything about it. Meaning that for once, we get to sleep in!"

They all picked up a sleeping bag and laid them on the floor next to each other. They took their shoes off and slid into the sleeping bags. Despite Jack's efforts to lighten the atmosphere, you could cut the tension with a knife. Everyone was still visibly upset and it was clear that they all just wanted to go to bed. First lay Gwen, then Owen, then Tosh and last Jack. Within ten minutes everyone was steadily drifting off the sleep, guided by the relaxing buzzing sound of the Hub in the background. With the exception of the injured Ianto.

Ianto silently crept around the Hub for a good hour, cleaning up all the litter the team had made. He reorganized Jack's bookcase, cleaned out his hard-drive, fed the 'pets' and even thoroughly cleaned the coffee machine.

He sighed and looked around. The Hub seemed picture perfect. His eyebrows shot up when he noticed two spots on the kitchen counter. He wet the sponge and started frantically rubbing at the place. Even after the dirty patch was gone, he didn't stop. He gave the counter another thorough wash.

"I think it's clean now," a voice behind him said. "In fact I'm sure it's safe to eat off."

"Owen." Ianto said startled. "I thought everyone else had gone to sleep. Can I get you something?"

"How about my freedom?!" the medic sarcastically countered. "I'm going mad in this place. It's after 1 A.M. Ianto. Give it a rest. Not even the Stepford wives are that anal about housework."

"I'm just trying to make it as nice as possible for everyone."

"Look mate, it's work. No one gives a shit if it's nice. As long as there's a few cups lying around and a biro, we're happy. Most of us have a home to go to at night. You might want to clean up that shithole of yours instead of worrying about this place."

Owen sighed in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, I get it. You're a bit fucked up at the moment because of the Lisa thing. But you know … you got to get over it."

"Get over it?" Ianto snapped. "Just like that huh!"

Ianto started cleaning the counter again, this time with more vigor and anger than before.

"All right." Owen added. "We're all adults here. We all know loss. But you can't let this bring you down like this. She's the one who died, Ianto. Not you. You're still alive and you need to start patching your life together. Clean yourself and your flat up a bit, go out and see some people. God knows you might get laid once in a while."

"I'm just …" Ianto started but he did not know how to end the sentence.

"What you're doing is overcompensating. Trying so goddamned hard to please us after what you've done just so we would like you again. But guess what, it doesn't work that way. We're not going to suddenly lick your heels because the kitchen is spotless. You're going to have to do better than that."

Ianto nodded. Despite the harshness of his words, Ianto knew Owen wasn't being nasty. He was trying to help in his own insensitive, bloke-ish way.

Owen nodded back at him and returned to sluggishly make his way to his bed again. "Just think about it. You need to live. If not for yourself, then for her."

**_ 02.11 hours_**

Jack noticed the soft lighting coming from the main area and sleepily wondered if there was a chance in hell the world wouldn't end whilst they were stuck inside the Hub.

He got up, stretched luxuriously and grinned. Owen was lightly snoring behind him and the girls looked peaceful in their dreams. He smiled at them with such a fondness that it softened the hardened façade he had built up after all these years.

He skipped over to the monitors, suddenly feeling 8 years old again, and was surprised to see Ianto still awake and typing away vigorously. "Something's wrong?" he worriedly asked.

"Nothing bad. Just minor rift activity downtown. Probably just a minor shift."

Ianto looked sideways and saw his boss walking around in nothing but snoopy boxers and matching snoopy socks. He frowned and smiled cautiously. "Snoopy sir?"

"Laundry day."

"Right." Ianto answered, trying his best to hide a smug smirk. "You could have said something. I would've been happy to pick up the washing from the drycleaner."

"Doesn't matter. Not your job to take care of my laundry." Jack replied stiffly.

A small but uncomfortable silence fell between the men. Jack shifted nervously on his feet until he decided to sit on Gwen's desk. From this angle Jack saw the eerie blue from the computers bouncing off from Ianto's pale skin. It have him a ghostly glow, highlighted by his bright blue eyes that once sparkled so lively.

"So how have you been? I mean with everything …" he asked, unsure of how the question will be received. He'd been meaning to ask him that for quite some time but never really had the chance to. He figured that 2 A.M was a good time as any.

"Okay." Ianto replied stubbornly. Unlike Jack, he was not too eager to start up a heart-felt conversation. Especially if he was going to be the main focus. "And you, sir?"

"Oh perfect." he scowled. He really hated getting brushed off. "Owen treating you okay? He wasn't too pleased before."

"Besides thinking I need to get laid, he's fine." Ianto lied. He knew Jack wasn't believing any of it but he really didn't want to get into it now.

"Okay, as long as you're alright." Jack sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes dramatically.

A silent moment passed by. Suddenly Jack smirked broadly. "So do you?"

"Do I what sir?"

"Need to get laid …"

"Jack!"

Ianto saw Jack grinning and instantly regretted his outburst. 'Bloody bastard's winding me up!' he thought angrily to himself. He couldn't hide the fact that he really liked Jack joking around with him. It felt like everything was slowly but steadily going back to normal.

He tried to glare at Jack for a few seconds but he burst out laughing. "Quit teasing." Ianto chuckled.

"All right, all right. Keep your pants on."

Another grin from Jack, another eye roll from Ianto.

"Just saying … we've had some very _very _good times together Yani."

Ianto smiled at the memories and at the use of his nickname but instantly got hit by an overpowering sense of guilt. He had slept with Jack in the past. At first to _distract _him but Jack soon became some sort of a refuge for Ianto. When things got too dark, too cold or too real he knew he could run to Jack. Ianto knew that the Captain wouldn't mind spending some time with him. They always had a good time and usually that meant they'd end up in bed, limbs tangled up and panting into each others ears.

What really meant a lot to Ianto were the few moments of peace between them when they would just talk or hold onto each other for a while. It gave him a sense of care, security and protection. And Jack never knew what those small cuddles in the night meant to him. In his arms, Ianto felt as if the world outside his bedroom didn't exist. He found peace with him, hearing his pleasant groggy voice in his ear and feeling Jack's big hands resting on his hips.

But the moment he put his clothes back on and walked up the little ladder, the world weighed on his shoulders again and he realized what he had done. He had not only commit adultery but he had taken advantage of a man who had treated him right. On those nights, he never stayed for the night. He was certain that Jack would feel his betrayal. Neither did he visit Lisa. Because he was afraid that she could smell him on Ianto.

Jack noted the smile quickly draining from Ianto's face. That glitter of pain in his eyes was back and it was stronger than before. A little whimper escaping Ianto's lips was a promise that the shadows weren't going anywhere soon.

"Ianto what are you doing? It's two in the morning." Jack asked, slowly losing his patience.

"It's fine. Don't need much sleep," Ianto lied. "If I'm stuck here I might as well get some work done."

"Right, yes I forgot you go by the name of Super Jones!" countered Jack sarcastically.

"Sorry sir?"

"You're human ergo need sleep. Go to bed Ianto. Besides you're injured. Should be resting that arm instead of typing away."

Jack got up from the desk and turned on his heels. He stopped in his tracks as he looked down and saw an open book. "Wuthering heights?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, it's one of my favorite books." replied Ianto.

Jack chuckled. "She's one of my favorite writers."

"Is she?" Ianto looked up at his boss. There was a hint of pride and admiration in his eyes.

"Yeah," continued Jack. "Emily was an animal in bed."

Ianto sniggered and shook his head in embarrassment.

"I should get a medal for that …" said Jack.

Ianto frowned. "For shagging Emily Brönte sir?"

"No, for getting you to smile after tonight."

He gently patted Ianto on the shoulder, kissed his forehead and walked out.

"Go to bed Ianto!" he said in a louder voice. "That's an order!"

**_03.00 hours_**

Ianto still wasn't asleep. Like every insomniac, he was plagued by period in which he just brooded over every little detail of everything he could think of. The thoughts rushed through his mind, imposing themselves on whoever dared to venture through the night. Ianto thought about the love story between Heathcliffe and Cathy, about how much food he had to order tomorrow morning and how he still needed to feed Myfanwy. He thought of Lisa and how she suffered. He thought about all of the fallen friends from Canary Wharf. He thought of the team and how difficult it was being the outcast.

He hated being the odd one out. He was never the popular type in school but he had always fitted in at Torchwood. In London and in Cardiff. Sure, he wasn't noticed but the institute felt like home, even if the people inside weren't always that friendly. Before Lisa, he had always been the silent force behind the team but now he was pushed aside like dirt. No one trusted him. He doubted that the others even liked him. And it hurt. A lot.

Owen was always distant from him so they never really developed a friendship. But Ianto always had respected the man. He knew him as a loud, arrogant, snobbish but brilliant and wise man. He would snipe at anything that stood in his way but he damned well knew what he was doing. The pair never bounded so his angry outbursts didn't get to him that much. But he hated the fact that everything Owen said about him was true. How disloyal he was. How he could have easily killed everyone. How easily he could have ended the world. What a bloody bastard he was. The list was endless and Ianto knew that Owen was right about each and every little thing that Owen nagged about. That's why Ianto never complained or even so much as defended himself whenever Owen's anger was directed at him. He took it because he knew Owen was right and he had earned the right to yell at him. What hurt most is that despite his brutal behavior, Owen had a knack for finding a sore spot and seeing through someone. Even worse, Owen felt the need to share that particular sore spot with everyone. No matter how hurtful it could be. Owen played Ianto like a violin and for now the young man could do nothing more than sit back and be played.

The girls, that was a different story. He liked Tosh and Gwen and had built some sort of relationship with them. He cared for them in his own little ways. He wasn't like Gwen so he wouldn't just walk up to them and hug them to show his affection. Neither was he like Tosh and he would never awkwardly give out subtle signs of appreciation. However, he always made sure Gwen's cup was always filled with that special herbal tea blend that she loved. He made sure Toshiko got the truffles filled with coconut because those were her favorites. He brushed off their ignorance and just took it along for the ride. But deep inside, he was hurting because no one did notice and no one realized that he cared. He'd wished so many times to be a bit more like Jack, a bit more outgoing. But he couldn't. He just wasn't made for that.

He loved the girls in his own way, silently and secretly. The last thing he wanted to do is put them in danger. Or grieve them like he did today. Gwen's disappointed look on her face was the one thing he could not bear. He did not want to hurt any other woman he cared for.

But he was determined to make things right. He closed his book him and neatly tucked it away in his drawer. Walking over the kitchen, he came up with a cute idea to make it up to Gwen.. He searched through the content of the icy refrigerator to find what he was looking for.

"Aha, there you are!" he murmured to no one in particular. In his hand he held a chocolate cupcake with pink icing on top. Gwen's favorite, bought especially for her birthday. Ianto carefully pushed in a birthday candle and placed it on the saucer.

"A little note," he mumbled to himself. "A little note."

He picked up a pen and started writing.

**_Dear Gwen,_**

**_Happy birthday. I know this isn't what you expected but I hope it at least puts a smile on your face. I'm so sorry._**

**_Ianto_**

Silently he crept over to the sleeping four and placed the cupcake and note at Gwen's feet.

'I hope no one steps on it in the morning'he thought to himself. Gingerly he snickered as an image of Owen with pink icing stuck to his foot forced himself to his mind.

He turned away from his team members and went back to the monitors. He hadn't noticed Jack walking after him. "That was nice of you." he said, startling Ianto.

"Least I could do after ruining her birthday."

"Ianto, It was an accident. And working yourself to the bone isn't doing anyone any good. C'mon."

He gently placed his hand in Ianto's and guided – or rather dragged - him across the Hub. Stumbling a little over the steps, they both reached the couch and Jack gently ushered him to lay down. Ianto relented eventually, knowing that there was no way he could succeed in convincing Jack to just let him be. The Captain draped the blanket over Ianto and fondly whispered: "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

A few minutes later Jack returned to the couch with his own sleeping bag, placing it a feet away from the couch. Ianto frowned, his eyebrows arched in surprise.

"Just a little reassurance that you'll stay in bed." Jack explained. Even in the darkness, the amusement on Jack's face was notable.

"Jack …" Ianto pleaded, a little annoyed by that smug look on the other mans face.

The Captain immediately shushed him, re-draped the blanket neatly over his shoulders and neatly tucked him in again. Gently, he kissed his forehead, like he always used to do before snuggling to sleep. "Get some sleep Ianto. Tomorrow will be better."

He looked at the youngest member on his team and he was content to see his eyes fluttering shut as he rhythmically caressed Ianto's back. 'I knew he was exhausted' he thought to himself.

"Oh Jones, Ianto Jones." Jack murmured. "How heavy your heart must be. Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

Those words would've meant the world to Ianto, if only he wasn't steadily sleeping and drifting off to the land of the dreams.

A/N: for those of you who have requested a certain fic ... hang in there, it's coming up! Thanks for the love and please do review, they encourage me to write faster :)


	69. Chapter 69: Lockdown at 2200 hours 3

**_04.25 hours_**

Ianto kept on tossing and turning, drifting through stages of sleep and wakefulness. His dreams were haunted by memories of ruby-red knives, bloodshed, metallic sounds against grimy tiles and guns firing. The only constant thing in his dreams was the dreadful screaming. Screams of terror, horror and utter disbelief produced by his friends – his dying friends – as they faced monsters from another world. When awake, he finds it hard to relive the details of the day. It all went by in a blur and he tried his best not to think about. Of course, it didn't really work as the memories constantly played over in his mind. But they were mainly focused on Lisa and not the others. But in his dreams, the visions played out as if he was back in that horrible place.

Tossing and turning in the small and dingy couch, he could barely distinguish what was dream and what was real as if he constantly stepped in and out reality, the lines blurred beyond recognition. Shadows danced in the darkness around him and enveloped him in a sheet of obscurity, whether he was awake or not. Everything felt so real and he experienced it as if it was happening in front of him again – screams, tears and shouts from people around him still rang in his ears and the odor of burning flesh and death suddenly were the only thing he could smell. He felt a hand clutch his wrist and in his dreams he turned around, only to face a metal head speaking to him in a robotic voice: 'You will be deleted'.

He saw his friends fall on their knees and beg not to be deleted, he saw his boss get electrocuted for trying to save his 19 year old assistant, he saw himself dragging his friends through the ruins that was Torchwood London, he saw Lisa scream in agony as her skull was ripped apart. And just like that, everything he had ever felt before came cascading down on him again, like an avalanche or a crumbling wall threatening to bury him. He panicked and desperately wished to be awake. He opened his mouth but the silent scream died in his throat. He wanted – needed - to scream but he felt paralyzed by blind panic. It was happening again and just like on that faithful day, he could do nothing but stand by and watch his entire world and future crumble to dust.

Ianto wasn't merely dreaming though, he was remembering. He couldn't wake up and brush it off as 'just a dream'. They were memories, buried deep inside him but still living on the surface. They were fueled by guilt, loss and love. And they weren't going anywhere.

It was the subtle things that woke Jack up. The soft panting, grunting in agony and the panicked rustling of sheets near him. Then there was a sudden kick to the head and his eyes shot open. Dazed, Jack rubbed his head and before he could even wonder what on earth happened, he saw a foot kick within itches from his nose. "Ianto' he breathed.

Looking up at the couch, He saw that Ianto was breathing quite heavily, sweat was dripping from his forehead, his eyes and jaw were clenched shut and his hands were balled into fists; tightly wound around the soft cotton of the sheets. He saw Ianto kicking and jerking abruptly as if he were defending himself against the attacks of an invisible phantom.

'Poor kid is having a nightmare. Not a big surprise bearing in mind all the shit he's been through the last two months' Jack thought to himself.

The Captain considered waking him up but he hadn't even get out of his sleeping bag when Ianto jolted awake with a gasp, eyes open in intense fright. He held his breath and just stared in front if him with big terrified eyes. He remained eerily still.

"Ianto?" Jack whispered.

No response.

"Ianto?"

Suddenly Ianto let out an angry growl and before Jack could stop him he had knocked his fist against the tiled wall. Jack cringed as he distinctively heard a thud and then a loud cracking noise.

Ianto cursed loudly. Not long after, he started wildly kicking his feet and repeatedly punching the couch with his already sore hand. He wasn't even remotely aware of Jack's voice telling him to calm down. Nor was he wary of a figure approaching behind him and sitting next to him. When two strong arms pulled him closer into an embrace, Ianto fought back. Ianto struggled against the hug, not willing to let someone comfort him. He elbowed Jack in the gut but still the Captain would not let go of Ianto.

"Ianto, calm down." he soothingly said. "Please."

"Let me go!" Ianto begged. "Damn you fucking Cyberman. Let me GO!"

Jack sighed and realized that Ianto wasn't fully awake. "Ianto, calm down." he whispered. "Come on. Wake up. You're in Cardiff, in the Hub with me, Gwen, Tosh and Owen."

Jack held him forcefully, nearly crushing him against his own chest. With his weak hand and injured arm there was not much Ianto could do besides letting Jack hold him. Jack caressed his face and softly pushed Ianto's head on his shoulders. "It's okay. You're safe. I'm with you." said Jack soothingly. "I've got you okay? You're safe in the Hub. The monsters are gone."

"Hub?" Ianto finally said.

"Yes, the Hub." Jack replied. "You were dreaming. But now you're not. You're safe. I'm with you."

"The c-c-cybermen?" Ianto asked.

"Gone. We defeated them remember? We won."

"Gone." Ianto stated. "Good."

"It sure is, buddy. Shhht. It's okay Ianto."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about everything Jack. I'm so sorry," Ianto said in a low and terrified voice. His body relaxed under Jack's carefully administrated caresses. "Everything's gone to shit. I can't believe I – I did that. I never meant to …"

"It's ok. We'll talk about it later. You just need to calm down now. Keep breathing."

"How … how can you be so nice to me?"

"Everyone needs a little help sometimes." Jack said as he smiled a little.

"But what I did … God, you must hate me."

"I don't," Jack replied. "How could I ever?"

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I never meant to betray you like that. I just wanted her healthy again."

"I know you did Ianto." whispered Jack. "I forgive you."

"You do?"

"Yes. Now hush baby and just let go.

Ianto nodded, not really believing the kind words. He started sobbing quietly against the broad shoulders of the man he had loved so much and hated with the same intensity. He was shaking against Jack, like a quivering leaf in the wind. Ianto was petrified because moments ago he was _there _again. Moments ago, he had to let them go again. But Jack was holding him, caressing him … **_forgiving him_**. 'Everything's going to be okay,' he desperately thought. 'They have to be … Jack's here.'

"Jack …" he cried. _Don't leave..._

"It's okay, let go sunshine. You don't need to be strong all the time. I'm here, I'll be strong for you."

Ianto hung on to Jack as if it was the only thing that kept him from falling off a cliff. He needed to feel something – anything- that was real. Jack was there and with him.

Human contact. That's all he needed. Someone to reaffirm his existence, to make him feel noticed and wanted. To make him feel the pain was real. To make him feel that he didn't go to hell.

It didn't take long for Jack to sooth Ianto back to sleep. With small caresses and a well-placed 'shht' he had managed to calm him down. Murmuring sweet words in his ears, he felt him relax. Having him so close to his own body felt strangely familiar. He was used to his naked body, spread out in front of him just begging to be fucked but somehow this felt even more intimate than anything they've ever done. 

Ianto could feel Jack's constant and strong heartbeat against his ear and it lulled him back into sleep, like the melody of a lullaby. He felt Jack's strong arms keeping him safe and the rhythmic breathing of the man below him hypnotized him enough to drift off. Not really peacefully but at least he wasn't haunted by nightmares.

With sadness pressing against his heart, Jack realized that Ianto was in a far worse shape than he thought. His young employee was crushed to the ground and had few people around him to pick him up. It was going to take some really strong glue to mend his broken heart.

He held Ianto tight long after he was fast asleep, not willing to let go in fear of the demons returning. But after an hour, his arms felt heavy and exhaustion was taking a toll on the Captain. He let go of his friend, gently placing him in a comfortable position on the couch and went back to his own sleeping bag. Sleep was not to far behind, but his heart remained grave with worry.

**_08.25 hours_**

Gwen was the first to wake up. She stretched out her arms luxuriously and yawned quietly. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she cherished the warmth provided by her sleeping bag. She had slept well and felt rested. She grinned as she realized that this was the first night that she had slept through without getting woken up by Rhys' cold feet. Her smile faltered at the thought of her boyfriend but quickly resurfaced when she found out the reason. She missed her man.

However, she quickly noticed that both Owen and Tosh had kind of invaded her personal space. On her tummy, she found Tosh's hand and Owen's arm. Annoyed, she carefully placed the body parts neatly back where they belong and to their owners. For some reason everyone she slept next to felt compelled to touch her. It's the main reason she hated sleepovers as a teenager. Shrugging, she got up, took two steps and frowned when she noticed a little saucer by her feet.

She picked up Ianto's little gift, biting into the pink icing as she read the letter. Gwen felt her heart just grow two times its size and break at the same time. It was such a cute thing to do – and thinking about it, it was such a _Ianto _thing to do- but she felt ashamed for the way they all had acted the previous night. 'We've been acting like children,' she thought. 'Spoiled little brats who bullied a beaten down kid for something he had no control over.'

She looked at her sleeping teammates and was worried when Jack was nowhere to be seen. From her position she could just make out two feet sticking out of a ripped blue sleeping bag near the couch. 'At least Jack was kind enough to stay with him' she thought.

She walked over to the pair and saw Jack's eyes were open. "Morning!" she whispered.

"Hey Gwen. Happy birthday."

"Thank you!" Gwen bowed gracefully, causing Jack to chuckle. "I already got my first present. Ianto gave me a cupcake and a really sweet letter." Gwen responded.

Jack got out of his sleeping bag. "Yeah I know, I saw him do it this morning. Really early this morning."

"How did you sleep on the cold floor?" Gwen inquired.

"Badly," Jack answered. He looked over at Ianto, who was still sleeping with a sad expression on his bruised face. "And I'm not the only one."

"He's had a rough night," jack continued. "Nightmares. More like night terrors. Didn't even wake up from his dream at first but he punched the wall. I think he might have broken a few knuckles whilst he was at it."

"Shut up. Really?"

"Yeah, cried himself to sleep afterwards."

"Oh god," said Gwen. She covered her mouth with her hand. "Jack, we were really mean last night."

"Yes, you guys were." Jack said without a hint of hesitation in his voice.

"I better talk to him when he wakes up," Gwen said whilst looking at the sleeping man. "Set the record straight. Make sure he knows …"

"I think he'd like that."

Jack put his arm around Gwen and together they went to the kitchen to make some coffee for the rest of the team. Even though coffee and breakfast was Ianto's domain, neither wanted to wake him up. One glance at the sleeping man – rather boy- and they both silently decided to let him catch some sleep whilst he could.

TBC


	70. Chapter 70: lockdown at 2200 hours 4

**_09.07 hours_**

A loud noise suddenly woke Ianto. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was and what had happened. Every morning, he had a few hours of blissful dreamless sleep after his nightmares. And every morning he needed a few minutes to convince himself that this was indeed his life and not someone's cruel joke. As realization dawned, the familiar mourning grew bigger. Today wasn't any different with added stress from confrontation from the team. He looked over at the main area of the Hub and saw his colleagues laughing and fooling around. Owen was chasing Gwen and teasingly shouting 'C'mon birthday girl you can do better than that'. It was a heartwarming sight yet it did little to Ianto.

Gwen laughed and chased after him but immediately stopped when she saw Ianto awaken.

She walked over to him, sat on the couch and carefully hugged him whilst kissing his forehead. "Thank you for the cupcake love. And I'm sorry for being a bitch last night. I was working out my frustrations on you and I shouldn't have."

"Gwen, I …"

"Don't. Listen, you fucked up. There's no easy way to put it. But you know what? We'll get over it. I know why you did what you did and that's all I need to know. Give us some time and we'll get better. You'll get better. All of us."

Ianto nodded. There was so much she was saying but he understood. Time. That's all they needed.

"We'll get there again. Christ, there's only five of us. We need each other. Every single one."

She got up, squeezed his hand and went back to tease Owen, leaving a dumbfounded Ianto behind. He felt the spot on his face where Gwen had put her hand. It felt warm, like a distant memory stuck in your mind.

'Morning sleepy head," said an American voice. "About time you woke up."

Jack sat next to him and handed him a cup of tea. "This should help you wake up. Looks like you could use a bit of caffeine to start your system."

Ianto nodded. He didn't really trust himself to speak, emotions still stirred far too close to the surface. He felt like he was balancing on a thing cord. He could either stay in balance or fall and plummet into the depths.

"I take it Gwen liked her birthday present." Jack stated.

"Yeah she did," Ianto said, forcing the words out of himself. "That did happen right?"

Jack laughed. "Wow you really aren't a morning person."

"And you are sir?"

"Me?!" Jack exclaimed. "I can be anything people want me to!"

Jack gave him his typical heartwarming smile and Ianto could do nothing but reciprocate. That's the way it goes with Jack. When he smiles, the world seems to smile with him. But when he's angry, hell itself formed around him. Ianto had worked out a long time ago that it was better to keep him on your side. Not only because of his temper and power but also because even though he might sometimes lose his moral compass, when Jack fought for something it was usually a righteous cause. He had hoped that he'd see the righteousness of his actions. Unfortunately, it was Ianto who needed the mental adjustment. Whilst he believed he was helping his – very human- girlfriend, he was helped a murderer hide. What Ianto didn't bank on was Jack's bottomless loyalty and forgiveness. Despite what he had done and despite his anger towards Ianto, Jack hadn't dropped him. He was still by his side when the going got rough.

Ianto eagerly took the cup of tea but moaned when the weight of the full cup hurt his knuckles. Jack quickly took the it away, placed it on the floor and examined his hand. He brushed his fingers gently over the sore knuckles, a gentle touch that curiously seem to cure the pain. He took out a mini scanner from his pocket and scanned the hand.

"That's got to hurt," said Jack, mimicking Ianto's pained grimace. "Poor kid."

"It's not that bad," answered Ianto. "I've had worse."

Jack grinned. "Lair. It is sore. But thankfully not broken."

Jack relaxed on the couch and put his hands behind his head. "You do know that you don't have to put up a brave front all the time. You've been through a lot."

Ianto snorted. "I don't think Owen would appreciate me breaking down again."

Jack moved one hand to stroke Ianto's back. "Look, Owen is just being Owen. He's still dealing with the whole thing and shoots off his mouth whenever he feels like it. But he shouldn't. He's being a bastard."

Ianto averted his eyes. "No, he isn't. He saying what he means. I'd rather have him shout at me than hold a grudge. Besides, he's right about everything."

"Ianto, don't be so hard on yourself."

Ianto stared into the distance, figures of his colleagues swimming in front of him but he could not quite make out who was who. He was tired even though he had just woken up. He felt drained like a battery that's been worn out. He needed a break but he knew he wasn't lucky enough to get one. "Thank you for this morning" he whispered.

"Anytime," replied Jack. "And I mean that. I'm going to make more time for you. After work, you and me should talk. Just you and me. If not talking, then we can go for a walk. Whatever. But I need to know you are ok. Deal?"

Ianto nodded.

"From now on … no more lies, no more hiding. Just you and me."

"Okay." Ianto replied, his voice raw with emotion. He couldn't quite express his gratitude but Jack could clearly see it in his eyes. That's the thing about Ianto. When he wanted to show you the real him, he didn't do it by words. He did it through his eyes. It's like he grants you access to his soul. Jack had always seen this side of him. That's how he knew that sometimes Ianto was sad and just needed to be held. That's how he knew that Ianto really loved Lisa. And that's how he knew that deep down, Ianto really never did mean anyone any harm.

Now, he knew that Ianto just needed a friend. He didn't need a boss, a lover or a captain. All he needed was just Jack.

"Jack," Ianto said, his voice crawling with unspoken emotion. "There's one thing I need you to know. I never … I never lied about us. Anything that happened, I wanted it to happen."

"I know." Jack softly replied. "There's so many thing you could fake but not … not the way you looked at me."

"I just needed you to know that."

"Now how is the hand? Truthfully?" Jack said in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. Unconsciously, his hand reached for Ianto's.

Ianto looked at his hand safely in Jack's and bit his lip. "Throbbing like a bitch."

Ianto tried to chuckle but stopped when he saw Jack's somber face. He overtly took the Ianto's bruised hand in his and caressed it with his thumb. "Can you manage drinking your tea?"

"Yeah, I still have another one. It's a bit broken but I'm sure I'll manage to hold up a cup." Ianto tried smiling but it felt too unnatural so he immediately stopped. Jack released his hand and suddenly Ianto felt cold, betrayed by the sudden loss of contact.

"Ok, call me if you need me." Jack got up and started walking away.

"Jack…"

The Captain turned around and leaned on the wall. When Ianto didn't say anything, he softly spoke. "Yeah?"

Ianto wiped the sleep from his eyes and exhaled deeply before speaking, gathering enough courage to bite the bullet. "Why didn't you retcon me? Or … execute me?"

Jack tilted his head sideways and observed his youngest employee. "Why would I?"

Ianto shrugged. "It's protocol. Yvonne Hartman would've."

Jack gave him a stern look and crossed his arms across his chest. "Like I said before, I've cut all ties with Torchwood London. We don't operate like that. But …Would you have preferred if I had?"

Ianto pulled up his knees on the couch and hugged them. "I thought I did, but I don't. Everyone I've ever loved is gone and I don't want to leave. Does that make me horrible?"

"No," said Jack firmly. He walked over to Ianto, kissed his lips softly and added: "That makes you a survivor."

Ianto was a bit startled by the kiss but Jack just smiled. "Now drink your tea, take the blanket and pillow and go to my office to rest up some more. It's a lot more quiet there. You're taking today off."

"I'll be okay Jack, The Hub is a mess. I've still got to …"

"We'll manage and you're exhausted Ianto, physically and emotionally. I need my staff ready and my friends happy. The sooner we'll get you there, the happier I'll be. And by the way, that was not a friendly request, but an order. So get to it. Now."

**_09.55 hours_**

Jack marched up to Owen and beckoned him to come over. Sighing as the medic rolled his eyes, he spoke in a serious tone: "I need you to cut Ianto some slack."

Owen huffed and gave Jack an incredulous look.

"No Owen," continued Jack, cutting off any reply that could come from the doctor. "Stop acting like a dick. He's miserable. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, he's got night terrors and he is going on a major guilt trip. It got so bad he nearly broke his fucking hand because he was punching the wall in his sleep. In his sleep, Owen!"

"Look, I'm not asking for you two to be buddies, just have some fucking compassion. Ease up on him. You don't have to be friendly, just polite. He's very close to the edge and it's taking a whole lot of willpower on his part not to go over it. Just back off a bit for a while, will you?"

"Jack's right," said Tosh. She had been eavesdropping on the conversation and wasn't ashamed to admit it. "You are very hard on him and he doesn't deserve all this crap. He's not the monster you're making him to be."

"Yeah I know Owen," she intervened when she saw Owen open his mouth. "He could've killed us all but it's not like he planned that to happen. He just wanted his girlfriend back. Surely you can understand that. He's not a bad man, he just screwed up once. I remember a certain person who's screwed up so many and yet he's still got our full support."

"I wonder who that could be." Jack added, sarcasm just dripping off his words.

"And besides," Tosh continued. "When we were tied up with that horrible cannibal, he disregarded his life to save mine. If you do something like that, you're not a bad person. But Jack's right. He really is, Owen. Ianto's not in a good place right now. How could he be? You would see it too if you just weren't so stubborn to hold a grudge. He's on the edge and he could go either way. The way I see it, I'd rather have him fight for us than against us. The boy may be a bit unstable now but he's got some mad skills. Imagine what he could do with proper training."

"I don't know," Owen said truthfully. "I don't know if I can trust him."

"Trust is a very delicate thing," Jack countered. "And we do need to work on that. All of us. He could be an asset to the team if I train him. I'll turn him into a proper agent."

"You're willing to put so much work into him? You think he's worth it?"

"Oh yeah," Jack replied to Owen. "He's definitely worth it. He's worked at Torchwood London and he's done great so far. Too great. He managed to infiltrate this base, mislead me and hack his way into our mainframe for months. He's running circles around all of you and he's not even properly trained yet. With a little help, he could be amazing."

"Except he's deceived and lied to us whilst nearly ending all creation but please do go on."

Jack laughed. "And then there's that."

"I trust you Jack." Owen suddenly said, sighing. "Do you think he can be trusted?"

Jack thought for one minute. "I think so. Right now he's a bit messed up, not surprising considering. He can't really see what's right from wrong. But he'll heal. Afterwards, I can guide him and become the man I know he can be. He's shown so much loyalty to her. I'd like to see him show the same amount of passion for a good cause, us."

Tosh sipped her coffee but was frowning as she did so. "Jack, I'm all for giving Ianto a shot. I owe him but … what makes you so sure he's capable of being what you want him to be?"

"Because I've seen it in him. It was there when he was begging me to save her. It is there when I talk to him. It's that glimmer of hope and motivation. Can't you see? We need him. We need someone who is willing to dedicate himself to a certain goal so much that he doesn't care what happens to himself. He's a good man. He didn't hide the cyberwoman because he wanted power or money."

"He wanted to save the world." Owen whispered. "He just wanted her to be safe."

"Isn't that what we all want for our loved ones?" Gwen intervened. "Isn't that what we're fighting for? To keep the ones we love safe?"

The conversation was cut short as Ianto walked by them, collecting dirty mugs along the way.

"JONES!" yelled an annoyed Jack. "I said get some fucking rest!"

"But sir, the Hub is …" resisted Ianto.

"NOW IANTO!" shouted Jack, now really losing his patience. Both Gwen and Tosh jumped in surprise.

Owen cleared his throat. "He's right tea boy."

He walked over to him and took the cups. "You look exhausted. That arm and hand of yours needs a rest. We need you back here as soon as possible. We'll perish without your coffee. Besides, if you don't get out of Jack's way, he's going to scream himself into a heart attack."

Owen shrugged and walked towards the kitchen.

Ianto looked at Jack with a surprised expression on his face. Ignoring the look, Jack mainly just pointed towards his office and uttered a firm "NOW!"

Jack clapped his hands and addressed the team. "It's officially 20 past 10 so the lockdown has been lifted. Go home, except for you Ianto, shower, eat and come back in three hours."

Jack watched Ianto stumble back to his office. He watched him sit on the couch and rub his hands over his face. Jack's attention was interrupted by a soft hand on his shoulders.

"Will he be okay?" Gwen asked.

"I don't know," Jack replied. "I honestly don't know. On some days he seems to be coping and then something happens and he slips further from my grasp."

"Ups and downs Jack."

"Yeah, but he's been through a lot in such a short time. Did you know he lost his entire team in Torchwood London? No wonder he was clinging to Lisa. Or rather that monster _they _turned her into."

Gwen smiled.

"What?" Jack laughed.

"For someone who threatened to shoot him, you are showing a remarkable amount of compassion and dare I say it – love for a betrayer."

Jack sighed. "If there's something I've learned in my long – very long - life is that there is nothing more soul-destroying than the pain of loss. I've been through his file and he was right. He doesn't have a lot. Father and mother died during his teens, girlfriend and friends gone. He's got one sister left and her two kids. But that's it. And they can't relate to what he's feeling. He can't even talk about what happened. He's truly alone in the world."

"Well," Gwen said. "There's us."

"Yeah, but we're not exactly doing a great job are we?"

"Yeah," Gwen replied pensively. "But it's an adjustment for all. We go through ups and downs ourselves. On some moments we're nearly over the shock, on others were not. We're only humans."

"True. But we just need to remember that certain things hit him harder than we might think. He's just so … quiet. He never says anything when he's hurting. He's so easily overlooked."

"Sounds like someone else I know."

"Who? Me?" Jack laughed. "Maybe that's why I can relate to him."

"I think we need to find a balance. One between showing our emotions but also respecting his grief. How uneasy it makes us feel. In the end, he's just a kid isn't he?"

**_10.55 hours_**

Jack entered his office and found Ianto curled up on the couch under blankets, sleeping peacefully. He sighed and mumbled blessings that for once Ianto had listened to him.

He got behind his desk and started writing up reports, occasionally glancing at the young man on his couch. Quietly, he approached the sleeping form and sat with him on the couch. He brushed hair off his face and tucked him in so he could stay warm. He looked so at peace when he slept. But once the dreams came, the childlike – almost angelic – expression soon disappeared. That's when the nightmares began. In the darkness everything seemed worst and Jack was intended to be a flame amidst that darkness. Ianto might not always want that flame to burn but Jack was going to make sure that the young man knew that the flame could not be put out. He'd stick by his side, if Ianto wanted him to or not. He promised himself and Ianto that he won't be like everyone else in his life. He won't leave him until he was ready.

He knew Ianto had a long and rocky road ahead. He has some serious healing to do. But he also knew that it was going to be worth it. Ianto was worth it. Jack was going to make sure Ianto knew just how much.

Jack sat on the floor of his office, next to the sleeping Ianto, and turned on the TV. The volume was low, sound muffled and all the lights were dimmer in his office. He stayed there for a few hours, thanking unknown gods for the rift being blissfully quiet.

He was nearly dropping off to sleep when he felt a gentle hand play with the strands of his hair. He turned his face and met Ianto's languid eyes. "Pleasant dreams?"

"Not really," Ianto answered, his accent thick with sleep. "It was Daleks this time."

"Sorry."

"Not exactly your fault sir."

"Maybe not."

"Jack, will we ever get through this?"

"Yes, Ianto." the Captain promised. "One day at the time. And we'll get there."

"What if I can't go on? Sometimes I can't even find the strength to get out of bed."

"Then, Ianto Jones, you call me and I will drag you out of bed. I'll make sure you won't waste away. I'm going to get you through this."

"Why would you even bother?"

"Because for someone so ordinary, you're quite extraordinary." Jack mysteriously replied. "And it's about time someone showed you just how brilliant you are."

- fin -


	71. Chapter 71: Vanity and how to mend it

A/N: Hello wonderful people. I hope life is treating you well. I've been asked for a follow up on chapter 34. Because it's so short, I just decided to repost it and add to sequel to it. Please do review, they make me happy and as finals are coming up, I need all the love I can get. Plus a reviewed writer is a happy one! Cookies and milk at the door :)

* * *

**Chapter 34: Vanity and how to crush it**

Jack Harkness strode across the gorgeous Hub, seemingly glowing in pride. His glittering eyes and sparkling smile lit up the room immediately, even more so than usual.

Ianto frowned as he saw the Captain approach with the biggest smile anyone could muster up. "You sure seem happy today." he stated dryly.

"Oh yes, had a wonderful time down the shops this morning! Actually bought these pair of jeans." Twirling, he added happily: "Aren't they just stunning!"

Ianto glanced up and down Jack's legs and evaluated Jack's latest buy. His lust-filled eyes rested on the curve of his bum. "Indeed. Quite stunning, the dark blue color is a perfect match for your coat." Ianto responded, slightly cringing at how camp the sentence sounded out loud.

"Thanks." Jack replied, twirling around for his lover once more. "Just one thing … my butt doesn't look big in this, does it?"

Ianto smirked. Before he had time to think about the consequences his respond might have, the words tumbled out. "Not more than usual."

Jack's face suddenly drained of color and the glistening eyes suddenly turned dark.

A silence fell between the men, only interrupted by Ianto's nervous giggle. Just when Ianto thought the moment couldn't get any more tense, Jack turned on his heels and walked away.

"Oh come on! It was a joke!" Ianto tried in vain.

Jack didn't speak to Ianto for the whole day, and dabbling … was postponed until two weeks later!

* * *

**Vanity and how to mend it **

Jack walked into Ianto's bedroom and sighed blissfully. It was 10 in the morning, the sun shining brightly in the sky and its rays softly lighting up the bedroom's shadows. Silence filled the apartment and made it peacefully calm. Jack loved these lazy Sunday mornings, just him and Ianto enjoying life before Monday morning comes. It felt very _normal_.

He stood by the door frame and sipped his cup of tea. No coffee but tea this morning. He felt like feeling calm and peaceful and caffeine would certainly mess up that feeling.

Ianto was sleeping peacefully in his bed. Jack chuckled at the way the blankets were wrapped around Ianto's body. The young man always referred to this as 'making a Ianto sandwich'. Jack would rather be the one wrapped around the man's body instead of that blanket though. It had been two long weeks since they've had sex. Some because the rift was so busy but mostly because of that one little comment.

'_Not more than usual' _Ianto had said, referring to the size of his bum. Jack huffed. "My butt's not big. It's … well rounded or big boned."

But even he had to admit that maybe he had taken the little comment a bit too personal. In the end it was just a joke. But Jack had always been the beautiful one, the charming and gorgeous one who could just stun everyone into anything – and any position- he wanted. His looks had always been his pride. 'The face of Boeshane' they used to call him. A poster-boy for a whole civilization. No wonder he held so much pride in the way he looked.

But Jack knew Ianto and he knew damned well that Ianto loved him no matter what. So Jack figured it was time to suck up his dented ego and just let it go. After all, Ianto's life was too short to waste on stupid and petty fights.

He opened up the long curtains and immediately sunlight flooded the room. Behind him, he heard a grumpy groan. When he turned around, he had difficulties not bursting into laughter. Ianto was busy draping the blankets over him, making sure no beam of light interrupted his sleep.

"Hey there, what are you doing silly?" Jack said softly.

"I have to." Ianto replied, sounding raw and groggy.

"Why?"

"Some idiot opened the curtains." Ianto shot back angrily but Jack could clearly hear the laughter in his voice.

"Owwwww!" Jack cooed. He lay down beside Ianto and wrapped his big arms around Ianto. He kissed his neck and giggled as he felt Ianto squirm against him. "Time to wake up, sunshine!"

Suddenly Ianto was tapping him on various places on Jack's forehead. Frowning, Jack asked: "What on earth are you doing?"

"Trying to find your snooze button!"

Jack laughed and the sound reverberated around the room. Ianto loved it when Jack laughed. It was the most infectious sound he'd ever heard and it was hard not to smile when Jack laughed. He turned in the embrace and kissed Jack for what felt like the first time in ages. They kissed longingly and tenderly for a few minutes until Jack pulled away. Grinning, he placed one little peck on his cheek. "Every snooze button goes off after 9 minutes again. Time to wake up sunshine!"

Ianto groaned. "Just a few more minutes."

"You're in a terrible mood today. What is it with you? Didn't you sleep well?"

"I did. Just lazy I guess. Besides, someone's snoring woke me up twice tonight."

"OI!" Jack exclaimed. "I do NOT snore."

"Of course Jack," Ianto replied, rolling his eyes. "You don't snore, your farts smell like roses, your feet never stink and you never have morning breath. You are perfect."

"I snore?" Jack asked.

"Like an airplane taking off."

"That's a bit mean! Just like your big bum remark. You, Ianto Jones, are one mean guy."

Jack pouted and Ianto didn't know if he wanted to kiss or smack him.

Instead, he just snuggled closer. "Jack, I'm sorry if I offended you. All these jokes, they're just teasing. It's what I do … when I like someone."

"Yeah but I did put on some weight. I'm getting a bit of a muffin top as well."

"Meh, fuck it." Ianto replied. "It's good that you're not perfect."

"I try to be my best." Jack replied, rolling his eyes.

"But Jack, you don't know what it's like being near you."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay, if I say something … then will you not use it against me or for yourself to nourish your ego?"

Jack nodded, albeit stiffly.

"Remember when you said that you loved the little freckle on my shoulder?"

"Yeah but what …"

"I hated it. Beyond passion. Because it's an imperfection. And you're well … you're pretty perfect, physically. So I guess sometimes I lashed out because you're so beautiful and everything about you is so … wonderful. You're so different, almost unearthly, that it's nice to see you upset over little things. It reminds me that you're still human."

"You sometimes forget I'm human?"

"Yes. The things you do Jack. Sometimes you sound like a story, a fairy tale. You're practically the embodiment of prince charming. With attitude. Sometimes it's hard to believe you're not just a dream. I guess sometimes I lash out because I'm insecure. You're perfect and ... I'm not."

Jack smiled shyly. "Want to know a secret? I think you're pretty perfect yourself."

Ianto huffed. "I've got far too much body hair, freckles, moles and pimples all over the place, I'm so pale I'd scare a ghost, chicken legs, …"

"Ianto … you just told me that you liked my imperfections."

"Yes."

"So believe me. I love your imperfections. Each and everyone of them."

"Why?" Ianto asked confounded.

"Same reason you love my muffin top and my big ass." Jack replied, smirking.

"You haven't got a muffin top and big ass Jack."

"I do and tell me… why do you like them?" Jack repeated, shifting to his side and looking at Ianto, those blue eyes piercing into Ianto's soul.

"Because they're a part of you."

Jack smiled knowingly, kissed him and got out of bed. "I'll put on the kettle."

"Thanks," Ianto replied. Before Jack reached the door, he called out to him again. "Jack … I've missed you."

"Me too," Jack replied earnestly. "And you forgot to mention you've got hairy toes."

Suddenly a big white pillow hit Jack in the face.


	72. Chapter 72: Secrets Hidden Inside A Stop

In the background, Nickleback sung their famous song. The melody filled the room with a calming yet arousing tension. Not because both men loved the song, but because the words were just _perfect _for them.

"_I've been wrong, I've been down to the bottom of every bottle. Despite words in my head,  
scream "Are we having fun yet?Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no!_ _This is how you remind me of what I really am, this is how you remind me …"_

Jack was frantically running his hands up and down Ianto's body, still slick with sweat and cum from their recent 'encounter'. Ianto was being thoroughly kissed, fondled and fucked _and he loved every minute of it._

Jack was everywhere … on him, inside him and around him. His essence penetrated Ianto in everyway until he and Jack were intertwined. He could feel, taste and sense him. All Ianto could think about was Jack. Jack and his hands. Jack and his legs. Jack and his beating heart against his. Jack's sweat on his forehead. Jack's throbbing dick inside him. Jack. All there is, was Jack.

"Ianto!" Jack screamed into his ear as he came deeply into his lover. The thrusting slowed down and eventually Jack pulled out of Ianto, much to his regret. He rested his head on Ianto's chest and waited until the post-coital bliss ebbed solely away. He put the right side of his face flat on Ianto's chest and he could hear the strong, rapid and irregular heartbeat of his lover.

Thud thud thud thud thud. A sign of life, of roaring fire and a sign of Ianto.

In the background, Nickleback was still singing: "_This is how you remind me of what I really am, this is how you remind me …"_

Jack kissed Ianto on the lips. One tiny gesture but Ianto knew exactly what it meant.

"Me too." he whispered quietly, barely audible for Jack to hear.

"Shower?" Jack asked cheerfully. "I'm all … sticky and sweaty."

"Sure," Ianto replied. "As long as you clean up afterwards."

Ianto bolted out of bed and to the bathroom, but not before slapping Jack on the butt.

~~*~~

Ianto was watching himself in the mirror. Grey suit, blue shirt, dark blue tie, golden cufflinks … and his stopwatch safely tucked inside the pockets of his trousers. It's always been his companions the last few years. He didn't really remember how he got it but it's always been there. Like a solid and constant companion that shares his joy and sorrows. It's something that offered him a lot of comfort and he never really bothered to think about why he had it, or where it had come from. But sometimes … sometimes he could hear – or rather- feel it calling for him. Like a tiny voice in the back of his mind ordering him to pick it up and not only hear it but really listen to it. A haunting voice as if it held the secrets to the universe. He couldn't really make out exactly what it was saying but every time the voice became clearer and clearer. But also something inside of him told him to run away from it. Not to listen to the voices and not to want the voice to be clear. To bolt out of the door and run as far as he could. Ianto knew that if he found out the truth about the stopwatch, things would never be the same again.

He put his hands on his trousers and he felt the solid outlines of the stopwatch in the pocket. Trusty and comforting, he knew it was always going to be there of he needed it.

He heard Jack talking in distance and it took him to realize that he was talking on the phone.

"How on earth did you get reception here?" he shouted.

"Doctor did some jiggery pokery!"

"Doctor." Ianto snarled, oblivious that Jack was standing in the doorway.

"Jealous are we?" Jack grinned.

"No, just …"

"Just what?" Jack said, that obnoxious yet so charming grin still plastered on his face.

"I don't like him. He's trouble. Torchwood London pretty much indoctrinated that fact into me."

"Yeah but … I'm also trouble."

"Trouble usually finds you, Jack."

"Yep and so does the Doctor. He's saved many lives."

Ianto huffed and pouted. "He's coming round isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Brilliant."

~~*~~

The Doctor leant up against the Tardis door and smiled at two approaching figures. "Oh hello!" he cheerfully said. "Jack, good man. How are you?"

"Allright." Jack responded.

It was clear to the Doctor that his typical charming smile didn't quite reach his eyes. And then the Doctor remembered. The bombs in Cardiff. His brother. His friends. Martha had phoned him and pressured him into calling Jack just for comfort. After all, they were friends and Jack had helped him out on so many occasions.

But there was one thing wrong with that logic. The Doctor doesn't do emotions. Not like that. He never did call. But looking at his friend now, maybe he should have.

He looked into Jack's clear blue eyes and saw his own fears reflected in them.

Loneliness. Commitment. Abandonment.

If there's one thing they have in common is that they both know the pain of seeing their loved ones wither and die. In the end, Jack will be like him, all alone at the end of the universe.

And even in that very end, the Doctor will always have him but when he blows out his last breath, Jack will be left alone. The last human – possibly creature – in the entire universe.

It was comforting to know that he will always have Jack as him friend but if you think about it, everything about Jack's existence is so sad. He's not suppose to live out his life like that. Humans aren't suppose to live millions of years. Their bodies can't handle. He mused that maybe the mind wasn't mind for it either. That's exactly why he told Jack that he was wrong. No creature made by nature should have to suffer such agony.

A small cough interrupted his trains of thoughts and suddenly he noticed he was being stared at by two equally blue pairs of eyes.

"Oh sorry!" the Doctor blurted out. "Was miles away there for a minute. Oh hello, you must be Ianto!"

The Doctor reached out his hand and shook Ianto's profusely. "Mind making that legendary coffee of yours? Don't usually like it but Jack's been raving on about it for ages now."

~~*~~

The Doctor and Jack were talking actively on the couch and have done so for the last three hours. They talked about planets, stars and travels. Ianto didn't quite know what to make of it. Jack was already an incredible man but hearing those stories made Ianto feel so very ordinary.

Suddenly he heard the strange callings again. This time he could perfectly make sense of the words. He choked back a sob as the words were deafening.

_..._

Ianto started listening attentively. Slowly his hand reached down into his pocket. It was calling him, louder than ever. It was hard to resist the temptation.

He held the stopwatch in his hand, cold as steel and warm at the same time. It fit perfectly in his palm and as he run his thumb over the golden exterior. It shone brightly and the calling became harder.

_Open me._

So he did. A bright golden light surrounded him and suddenly he felt his mind being invaded by ancient memories, knowledge and a feeling of wisdom.

Three words screamed inside his mind: _**Timelord. Timetravel. Gallifrey.**_

In the distance he heard a cup falling to the ground. Simultaneously, Ianto dropped the stopwatch to the floor. He had seen the truth.

"I'm a Timelord." he whispered.

"It seems that you are." the Doctor stated from afar.

"What is that." Ianto stammered as he pointed towards the stopwatch.

"Decoy. It's suppose to hide your Timelord identy. Your true identity. It stores everything you are inside an object in case you needed it to be hidden for a while. It seems that you, Ianto Jones, are hiding from something or someone."

"No." Ianto responded. "I'm Ianto Jones. Human. Not a Timelord."

"You could be though." the Doctor sang.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?" the Timelord replied, frowning deeply.

"Because I'm Ianto. I'm me."

"But you're not though …"

"I have to be!"

"You could be a Timelord. You could be powerful. Hell you could be a God if you wanted to. The power doesn't even tempt you?"

"No." Ianto resolutely answered. "No. I need to be Ianto for … him."

"Ooh," the Doctor quietly said. "Jack? I'm sure he'd like you even more. Don't you think he'd like you more if he knew you were … special?"

"No," Ianto said. He knew the Doctor was testing his limits. Testing him about his motivations and intentions. "He likes me. The way I am. He needs me, not some false god that wanders off whenever he feels like it. I finally like ME the way I am. That thing is wrong. I can't be …"

'Ianto …"

"NO!" Ianto shouted. "You don't understand."

"Yes, I do." the Doctor laughed.

"How can you? I don't even understand!"

"Ianto … you don't want anything to change. But you're sacrificing yourself, your true self, because you're scared."

"I'm not scared. I need to be Ianto."

"You're scared of losing him. You love him."

Ianto opened his mouth to say something and closed it shut again. He swallowed audibly and let the past few minutes sink in. 'I'm not human. I'm a timelord. I can't be! Can I? Jack, beautiful Jack. I can't lose you. You'll think I've hid something from you. I can't. I won't.'

"If you want, you can be a completely different being." The Doctor sang. "You must feel somewhere that this is not who you really are?"

Ianto nodded. "I know." he confessed. "Ever since childhood there's been something about me. Something odd. Something surreal. This is just a joke, right?"

"I'm afraid this is deadly real." the Doctor responded. "No technology in the universe can recreate that … except Gallifreyan tech."

"Can I chose to stay human?"

"It's up to you. If you open the stopwatch and open your mind to it, you accept your inner being. If you keep it closed, you remain Ianto Jones."

Jack walked in with a smile and a bag of broken shards of porcelain. He whistled a tune as he deposited the bag in the dustbin. He started humming, singing softly.

'_This is how you remind me of what I really am, this is how you remind me'_

Ianto gulped and looked at Jack, his beautiful and strong Captain. If he opened that thing again, everything would change. His life, his love and Jack.

He remembered this morning, lying in bed with Jack and just fooling around like crazy teenage boys high on hormones. He was cared for, loved and happy.

'Happy, ' he thought. 'I've never been happy.'

He smiled as he realized why he was happy. 'Jack, my beautiful Jack.' he thought.

He bent down and picked up the stopwatch. He safely tucked it away in the pocket of his trousers again.

"Did I miss something?" Jack said, sensing the tension in the room.

"No," Ianto said abruptly. "No, nothing. We were just chatting."

"About me?" Jack asked, attentively but still with a shine of hope in his eyes.

"Not really," Ianto replied as he nodded at the Doctor. "About how sometimes you don't really want things to happen because we're content with how our lives are. Sometimes you just want to live as you are and postpone certain decisions that you have to take."

"Sounds fair enough," the Doctor replied. "Doesn't it Jack?"

"Why do I get the feeling that there's a completely different conversation taking place right under my nose?"

Ianto laughed. "You mean the world to me, Jack." He turned on his heels and walked out of the room. Reaching the door, he turned around and addressed the Doctor. "Will you be there if I need you?" he asked.

"Always Ianto."

"In that case, I know how to reach you."

Jack put his hands on his hips and sighed. "What the FUCK is going on here?"

The Doctor turned around sternly. "Oi! Language."

Ianto laughed. "The Doctor and I have decided that sometimes I might need a hand to control you. And you know to clean up your mess when you screw up."

"Oii!" Jack said resentfully. "I'd prefer it when you two were fighting over me, not plotting against me!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes dramatically and walked away from Jack. He walked next to Ianto and they started talking about how _interesting _the evolution of the Weevils were. Jack however, followed them and was getting highly frustrated that his ranting was getting no attention from neither Ianto nor the Timelord.


	73. Chapter 73: Get 2 know me, get 2 know u

A/N: features a character named Eleanor. She appeared in 'Come What May' but also in a few other Bedtime Stories. All you need you need to know is that she's an Alien from a planet called Venuvia and that she has the ability to be in telepathic contact with some of the team and that she acts like an empath (meaning she senses other people's emotions).

Let me know what you think :)

**_Get to know me, Get to know you_**

Eleanor sat down on the cool grass in a field filled with sweet-smelling poppies, colourful daisies and wild blueberry bushes. In the distance she saw the vague outlines of the mountaintops. She knew the tops were snowy and cold but she didn't feel any of it. Where she sat, the sunrays hit her body and seem to warm her from the inside. Her limbs tingled when a lukewarm breeze washed over her skin.

She breathed in the summer air and closed her eyes to concentrate on her surroundings. She heard birds chirping, the soft trickling of water from the lake she knew was behind her, felt the sun bathe her in light and felt the softness of its caresses. Her hair danced elegantly as wind swooped gently around her.

She inhaled deeply again. _Peace. Tranquility. Serenity._

In the back of her mind, she heard one single voice.

'_Everybody sing that song, doodah doodah._

_Everybody sing that song all the doodah day_._'_

Little shards of grey started appearing in her vision. She sighed and shook her head.

Again, she concentrated on her surrounding.

The subtle sound of the grass bending to the will of the wind, the fallen leaves of the trees swirling in the sky, a little deer drinking from the lake.

_Calmness, harmony, love. _

But then again, she felt annoyance built up inside her.

'_Everybody sing that song, doodah doodah._

_Everybody sing that song all the doodah day_._'_

The young girl growled a bit and bared her teeth slightly, but continued to concentrate. The shards of grey were becoming bigger but she could still see the mountains, the sea of green and poppies, hear the birds and the lake and feel the sun and the wind. With effort, she was able to turn away from the obnoxious voice.

She breathed in and smelled the turning of the seasons. Musty, blue and clean. It smelled of change, or new beginning and of …

'_Everybody sing that song, doodah dooda__h …'_

"STOP SINGING THAT FUCKING SONG!!" she suddenly yelled out loud. She opened her eyes and was immediately confronted by the overwhelming grey of the metal walls, the overpowering smell of electronics, the fierceness of fluorescent lighting and the screeching and grinding sound of the Hub.

The team stared at her, confounded and shocked.

"No one was singing, Eleanor." Gwen carefully said, looking at her as if she had lost her marbles.

Owen joined her and eyed her up from head to toe. "Maybe I should take a look at you…"

"Trust me, there is NOTHING wrong with my hearing!" the girl said between gritted teeth, frustrated that no one understood.

Beside her, Jack giggled. "Sorry, did you mean the doodah-song?"

"Yes … Captain."

"Sorry, had that song stuck in my head all week. Can't get rid of it." Jack shrugged. "Keep doing … whatever you were doing… What were you doing anyway?"

"I was meditating! I was in my happy place!"

"The pub down the road?" Owen offered with a cheeky grin.

"No! The garden behind our palace back home."

"You lived in a palace?" Tosh asked curiously.

"I think so. It was a long time ago, I don't remember everything but I do remember the garden. It was just beautiful."

"Well keep on …" Jack started, willing the sudden sadness away. "Meditating …"

"I can't," Eleanor mumbled underneath her breath, barely audible. "I could if you would just stop singing that bloody song in your head."

And then she felt this calming presence near her. A serene feeling of easiness, relaxation tinted with a sense of sadness and anger. But ever so slightly. A blinding burgundy behind her eyes, something so familiar and so wanted.

"Ianto." She smiled.

"Yes." Ianto asked. "How did you know it was me? I wasn't even facing you."

Eleanor laughed. A sound so eerily strange but yet so beautiful. "Alien." She stated whilst pointing at herself. "Venuvian, senses things. Remember?"

"Right," Ianto said shyly, a light crimson creeping up his cheeks. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Lots of people forget on earth. I just look very … human."

"Yeah," Ianto replied. "You don't act alien either. You seem like a normal kid."

"I am mostly," the girl agreed. "I just do some things human girls my age don't."

"Like sense other people's emotions, fight like a warrior and can probably recite the entire archives."

"Don't forget to add that I can control the four elements on earth. And oh yeah, I look amazing in blue!"

"Bit cocky don't you think?" Ianto asked, his left eyebrow quirked up.

Eleanor shrugged but bit back a laugh. "If you got it, flaunt it baby!"

Ianto laughed. "You always make me laugh."

"As do you!" she countered. "Ianto, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, go ahead. I know everything!"

"Cocky much?" Eleanor asked, mock-surprise written on her face.

"I've got it so I'll flaunt it!" Ianto countered dryly. "So … question, what is it?"

"Right … yeah. Why are you always so sad?"

"Oh," Ianto said, silently. "I thought you were going to ask me about practical stuff!"

"You don't have to answer …" Eleanor stammered. She had forgotten that some humans weren't as open as other, say for instance Captain Jack or Owen. They wore their hearts on their sleeves. Not always, but most of the time. She realized that there were some subjects they didn't openly talk about like love, sex and feelings. In her world, nothing was hidden and there were no weaknesses. Even though she had grown up on earth, the rules about what is secret and what is not, still seemed very vague to her.

"It's fine.. it's just … I've experienced a few things that sometimes upset me. Now less than before." Ianto replied, a little sad.

"Like that girl? The photograph in your wallet?"

"She …" Ianto started. "Wait, how did you know I kept a photograph of her in my wallet?!"

"I needed twenty pounds last night. Sorry, I returned it before you noticed."

"Thief." Ianto joked.

"Honest thief!" she bit back. "Anyway … is the girl making you sad?"

"Yes, no, sort of. She died … in a terrible way. It's hard to explain."

Eleanor looked grieved for a minute. As Ianto reminisced in his mind, she could not clearly see what he was thinking, but she felt the pain, the heartache, the anger and the desperation.

She looked at him and only saw a glimmer of that anguish in his eyes. His face however, was as stoic as ever. Even his smile didn't give anything away.

"If it's hard to talk about … then show me?" she said as she reached out her hand to him. "Sit down next to me and take my hands in yours."

Ianto did as he was told. Nervous, not quite believing but intrigued at the same time. He held her hands delicately and immediately felt an old connection rebuilding, as if her hands were naturally meant to be held by his.

She looked at Ianto and saw the doubt and disbelief in his eyes. She felt him. Close, raw and personal. It was just her and Ianto, a man she knew all too well but at the same time knew nothing about. Sure they got along, but secrets between them kept them from growing closer as friends. One thing she knew already… it wouldn't be hard for her to love him. Just as much as she loved her Captain or Owen.

She could hear his breathing, smell his cologne and feel the trembling of his hand. She looked into his eyes and saw a world of sadness swirling in those blue oceans. Something so familiar in him and yet so foreign, as if it didn't belong there.

Ianto held her gaze and felt himself be drawn into her soul. The very core of her.

"Close your eyes." he heard Eleanor whisper inside his mind.

And so he did. The moment his eyes slid shut, she felt Eleanor even more present. As if she was inside him.

"Show me what you want me to know."

"How?" he asked.

"Think about it."

Ianto thought about all the things that caused him distressed.

His troubled childhood, sometimes violent and scary. His friends dragging him down the criminal path, partying with his older cousins at raves, being at places he should not have been, walking in on his father hitting his mother, his sister shielding him from attacks, his father dead on the couch, Torchwood, Canary Wharf, Lisa.

He rapidly withdrew his hands and hugged them to his chest. He opened his eyes and noticed he was starting to well up. Wet eyes. Always wet eyes.

"Too intense?" she asked.

"No, I just haven't thought about it for a while. It's just a bit overwhelming. All of it at once."

"I'll get you some tea or some water …" Eleanor said, worried.

"No, I want you to meet her. Maybe you would understand …" Ianto said, his voice trembling and hands shaking. "Even if others might not."

Eleanor nodded and took his hands again. "Okay, this time try concentrating on one memory and play it out … like a movie in your head?"

"Okay." He said, silently. "Eleanor … I trust you."

"I won't tell a soul. I know you're a private person and I feel happy that you're willing to share this."

"I'm not much a talker." Ianto said, a little apologetic.

"No, you're not. But that's fine. It's up to you."

As Ianto closed his eyes again, she saw memories clearly playing in her mind.

_A little black haired and blue eyed boy, barely 8 was happily playing in the sandbox on a playground. Kids were screaming around him in delight, the ice cream van played a familiar but long forgotten lullaby and lured children and adults to his delicious treats. The little boy however was unmoved by all the commotion. Even though the kids in the sandbox were a lot __younger than he was, he happily played by himself. _

_The child was happy, Eleanor could feel it but something felt off. His guard was up and he couldn't let go. He couldn't fully relax or rather, he wouldn't, he refused to._

_Suddenly someone called 'Ianto' and the kid immediately froze. He tensed up and looked around him nervously. His smile was gone and his eyes had gone dark. As if a grey cloud had suddenly appeared above him._

_Eleanor felt little Ianto panic. She felt the fear, primal and raw. She saw him tremble slightly. To an untrained eye it might seem that the child was cold, but Eleanor knew better. The little boy was terrified of the voice._

_A man suddenly towered above him and roughly grabbed him by the hand. 'Silly boy,' he said mockingly. 'Sandboxed are for little kids. You're a big boy now. You're __**my **__big boy now and big boys don't make silly castles.'_

_The man stomped his feet on the castle, not intentionally but out of practical reasons so he could bend over properly and pick up the little boy. _

'_But dad …' the boy wailed. 'I want to …'_

'_Don't make a scene, Ianto.' the man said. 'Let's play on the swings.'_

'_No, dad. They scare me.'_

'_Oh there's nothing to be frightened off, wee one. I'm with you and I'll make sure you won't get hurt.'_

_The man pushed him roughly in the seat and started pushing the swing. _

_The little boy however clutched his fingers tightly round the rope._

'_Wheeee,' the man sung. 'It's okay Ianto, I'm just teaching you how to be a bit more courageous.' _

'_Dad, not so high!' the boy yelped._

_Suddenly little Ianto lost his grip, right when the swing was at its highest peak. He fell to the ground with a loud thud and there was an unmistaken crunching sound, like a bone that broke. _

_The little boy screamed in pain whilst the man behind him stood nailed to the ground, his mouth open in shock. He then hurried to the boy and picked him up, murmuring sorrowful apologies into the boy's ear. 'I'm so sorry boy, I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to help you. I'm so sorry Ianto, I love you so much.'_

"He wasn't a bad man." Ianto quietly said. "He just didn't know any better."

He slowly opened his eyes, blinking rapidly to adjust to the harsh lighting. "Sometimes when he drank he got violent, but he was okay when he was sober. Great when he wasn't trying so hard. He wasn't the most intelligent person but … he was my dad and I loved him as much as he loved me. I was devastated when he died. I found him … on the couch. He seemed like he was sleeping, but he was so cold. Cold and grey. I tried to wake him up but nothing. I couldn't bear it. I ran off to London."

" Is that when you joined Torchwood London?" Eleanor asked.

"Yeah. And that's where I met Lisa, the best and worst thing in my life."

He took her hands again and remembered their first meeting.

_An uneasy looking Ianto, around the age of 2__0, sat at a table filled with other people, colleagues Eleanor presumed. They were laughing, chatting and generally having a good time. Ianto however, looked out of place._

_He was wearing a cheap looking suit, grey with a blue pinstriped tie and he kept fiddling with the knot of the tie. Nervously, one might presume, but there was more to it. Eleanor felt his desire, a burning roaring fire in the pit of his guts, to run and hide from the world. Like the scared little boy in his previous memory._

'_OI new guy,' one man said. 'Where d'ya get that suit? Your father's closet?!' _

'_Actually I did,' Ianto replied. This didn't help the already roaring laughter at the table. Ianto blushed heavily and was struggling to find words._

'_Well,' a voice said. All eyes immediately turned towards this gorgeous girl. She was stunning, her short hair elegantly styled, her lips a ruby red that contrasted beautifully with her black skin and her posture seemed that one of a proper lady. She wore fashionable clothing, albeit smart, and she oozed confidence. 'I think he looks rather fetching in those raggedy clothes. A lot hotter than you do in your 400 pound suit. Sometimes, expensive clothing are a way of compensation … I wonder, Lloyd, what are you compensating for?'_

_Lloyd stuttered a hasty apology when his mates snickered. 'I was just trying to be funny.'_

'_Well you're not.' the girl replied._

_The woman walked up to Ianto, still blushing heavily but now for a different reason, and grabbed his hand. 'Come on gorgeous.'_

_She dragged him out of the cafeteria and didn't stop walking until they reached a place called 'The Outside Garden', a little garden in the middle of infrastructure of the Torchwood institute. The only place inside that monstrous building that was green, fresh and filled with plants. _

_She smiled at him, confidently and happy. 'What on earth were you doing with those knobheads?'_

'_I … I … didn't know they were knobheads … miss.' Ianto stammered._

'_Well now you do and it's Lisa, not miss.'_

'_Lisa …' Ianto said softly. 'Thank you … Lisa.'_

'_It's fine. I hate those guys. They always think that hazing the new guy is funny.'_

'_Oh. It isn't.'_

'_No,' Lisa laughed. 'S__o what is your name? Or would you rather have me call you 'the new guy'?'_

'_Ianto,' he replied hastily. 'Ianto's fine.'_

'_Ianto huh? Welsh?'_

'_Yeah, is it that obvious?'_

'_Only to the trained eye!' Lisa winked. 'I have family there.'_

'_Oh,where ab-'Ianto said but was cut off when suddenly Lisa kissed him sweetly on his lips. _

_With eyes open in surprise, she looked into hers as they shared their first kiss. _

_Breathlessly, they broke apart. _

'_That .. wow … yeah' Ianto managed to say._

_Lisa giggled. 'You're so cute.'_

'_I am?' Ianto exclaimed._

'_Yeah, there is something about shy boys. They're so sexy and I love knowing that sometimes I get to peek into their soul. There's just something so attractive about shy guys that reveal something about themselves or when they completely unravel because they feel comfortable around you. I like that. And usually they're not as cocky and loud as the others. '_

'_I'm nothing special. I'm just … me.'_

'_I am a good judge of character Ianto so I do apologize if I won't take your word for it!'_

_She pecked him on the cheek quickly and held his hand softly._

'_Why did you kiss me?' Ianto asked._

'_I just wanted to know what it would be like.' she earnestly responded. 'It was nice if you're wondering.' she added with a sly grin. 'So, what brings you to London, Welshboy?'_

'_I ran away. Sort of … I just needed to get away for a while.'_

'_Why?' Lisa asked._

'_It got too painful,' Ianto said. 'My dad just died.'_

'_Oh poor thing.' Lisa said. 'When?'_

'_Last week. Then I saw the add in the newspaper. Didn't think twice. I just left.'_

'_Ianto,' Lisa said. She waited until Ianto met her gaze before continuing. 'I am really sorry for your loss.'_

'_Thank you' Ianto said. _

'_So you just moved here on your own …bet you don't have many friends here then.'_

'_No, I don't really know anyone.'_

'_Well … now there's me. I'll look out for you. I'll be your friend'_

'_Yeah?' Ianto shyly said. 'I'm not very interesting.'_

'_Oh I think so. I've only known you for ten minutes and you already interest me more than all the other people in the building. And mind you, there's 3674 of us.'_

_Ianto laughed. 'You might not feel that when you get to know me.'_

'_Honey, dull people don't kiss like you do! But tell me more about yourself, Ianto what?'_

'_Jones. Ianto Jones.'_

'_Well, it's good to meet you Jones, Ianto Jones. My name is Lisa Hallett.'_

Eleanor opened her eyes and she saw the most beautiful sight. Ianto with his eyes closed, so wrapped in his memory, and smiling a peaceful and for once happy smile. A genuine smile, one she had not seen very often.

"You loved her from the start." Eleanor said.

"I think I did." Ianto replied, the same smile still playing on his lips. "She was one of the few people that truly saw me. From the beginning."

"She knew you before you even knew yourself."

"I think she did, Eleanor. Don't get me wrong, my family loved me. But I doubt they really knew me. But she … she really wanted to get to know me. She … she thought I was worth to get to know."

"Sweetie …"

"Don't." Ianto intervened. "Just … I know. I'm not trying to be a martyr, it's just the way my life has always been. Most of the time, I'm invisible. But she saw me. From the first moment. She didn't just look at me, she saw the real me."

"She saw past that carefully built up façade of yours."

"You make me sound awful." Ianto said, confused and a bit bitter.

"You're not." Eleanor replied swiftly. "Everyone puts up a front on this planet. And from what you've shown me, you've had plenty of reason to protect yourself."

"It's not all bad." Ianto said.

"I can tell. What happened to her?"

"Canary Wharf."

Eleanor gasped slightly.

_The walls were on fire. People sc__reamed. Not out of fright, but out of pure terror. Ianto looked lost in the middle of the corridor, looking around him at the panicking masses of people running around, desperately trying to find a way out of hell. _

'_You will be deleted.' _

_One sentence and the crowd screamed in unison. Ianto ran with the crowd._

_A women fell down beside him and he helped her up. Hand in hand with a stranger, they ran together._

_No one knew where they were running to, but as long as they were out of range from Cybermen or Daleks, no one really cared._

_That was until they reached the cafeteria, the same place Ianto got ridiculed on his first day on the job. The same place he met his beloved Lisa._

_The minute they stepped through those doors, their worlds collapsed. The smell of burning flesh, hair and organs immediately hit them. A wave of nausea came over the pair as they watched the slain corpses of their colleagues. Dismembered bodies, bloody limbs, cut open wounds. Gushing blood, dripping waterlines and electric wires dangerously bare on the walls and ground. The room was silent, deadly silent._

_Suddenly a gurgling sound behind them caught their attention. _

'_Lloyd,' Ianto gasped. 'What happened? What –'_

_That's all Ianto could say before eyeing up the state his friend was in. the left side of his body was filled with scorch marks, his hair still slightly steaming. 'Cybermen. Get out. But please do it.'_

'_Do what?' Ianto stammered. 'I'll get some help!'_

'_No! Too much pain. Please, take my gun and shoot.'_

'_I can't shoot you, please.' Ianto pleaded. 'Just hang on, you can still make it.'_

'_Ianto … I'm a doctor. There's no hope. For any of us. Shoot me and get out of here.'_

'_Never!'_

_Suddenly a bang resounded behind him, he closed his eyes in fright and his friend suddenly stopped talking. When he opened them again, he saw Lloyd. Dead with a hole in his forehead and his brains splattered on the ground. _

'_He was right, there was nothing anyone could've done. He was dying.'_

'_Mike,' Ianto chocked. 'What's going on? What did you just do?!'_

'_Mercy kill, Ianto. His guts were spilling out, he was in so much pain. Aliens, bloody aliens!' the man replied. 'Aliens have taken over. Hartman is handling it. But you need to get out of here.'_

'_I can help.' Ianto offered._

'_No,' Mike ordered. 'I'm your teamboss and I order you to leave this base now. The exit on level -4 is still open. Take that one. Forget about her.'_

'_Her?' Ianto asked. When Mike just gave him a pitiful look, his heart sank to the floor._

'_I'm sorry Ianto,' the man said. 'I really am.'_

'_Lisa.' Ianto said. 'Where is she?'_

'_You can't help her.'_

'_Please!'_

'_Second room to your left on level 45. Say goodbye and then leave. It's not safe.'_

'_Exterminate!'_

'_MOVE!' Mike screamed as he pushed the pair into the elevator. 'You're a survivor Ianto Jones. When this is over, you will be alive.'_

_The elevator door close and the last thing he saw was a Dalek heading towards his boss._

Ianto suddenly skips ahead in time. And fastforwards immediately to his memory of Lisa.

'_Ianto,' Lisa said. 'Leave me be.'_

_Ianto was kneeling down on the floor, his legs not being able to take his weight. Too much was happening, too much death, too much violence. Not again, not with her._

_The lights were dying, suddenly either turning off or on. The screaming had ended and the enemy had been defeated. Ianto didn't know what happened, but he could still smell death in the air. The air was thick with ash and smoke and he could hardly breath. Coughing and wheezing he tried to hang on to the last shred of consciousness. _

_He looked up and saw his gorgeous princess strapped to a metal casing, with blood dripping from her forehead. Her body was nearly all covered in metal, her voice sounding eerily odd. But when she spoke, it was Lisa. His Lisa, the girl that had loved him for who he really was. With her, he didn't need to pretend, he didn't need to lie. He could be himself around her. She accepted him for who he was, and he would return the favor, no matter what. _

'_No, never.' Ianto stubbornly replied. 'I love you.'_

'_I know. I love you too and I want us to be together.'_

'_I want that too. I want the children we said we would have. I want Andreas and Emma. I want that house on the prairie, living in that house with white picket fences and a golden retriever named Happy. I want that. I want you. It's not too late, I can help.'_

'_You want that, baby? Then get me to Torchwood Cardiff.'_

'_How?' Ianto asked, relieved that there might be a way to save her._

'_Find Captain Jack Harkness.'_

"You brought a Cyberman into Torchwood?" Eleanor asked.

"Yep."

"Wow. Sorry to ask but …"

"How am I not dead yet?" Ianto asked, morbidly laughing at his own joke.

"Something like that."

"Jack," Ianto said. "He happened."

_Captain Jack Harkness pushed __Ianto onto a bed. There was nothing sexual about it. It was raw, angry and heated. _

'_I can't believe you fucked me over like this.' he yelled._

'_Same here.' Ianto replied, holding himself upright on the bed. 'You KILLED her!'_

'_Ianto … I told you,' Jack screamed on top of his lungs. 'There was nothing I could've done.'_

'_It was still her!'_

'_Ianto,' Jack said, his voice lowered to a mere whisper. 'If I could've saved her, I would've. You know that wasn't your girlfriend.'_

'_She had to be.'_

'_It's time to let go.' Jack said mournfully._

'_I can't. I … if she wasn't Lisa, how did I not see it? You think I don't know the difference between my girl and that thing?'_

'_Are you even listening to yourself?' Jack countered, eerily calm now. 'Your Lisa died at Canary Wharf. Do you really think she would try to kill you? Or your friends?' _

'_I don't know. She … that thing …'_

'_Ianto calm down.' Jack said. He sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes. The day had been long and hard and he wished it to be over. But then there was Ianto, his Ianto, the man he had shared his bed with and he could not just walk away. 'You need to get some sleep.'_

'_Sleep?' Ianto said, his voice as high pitched as it can go. 'I just lost everything and you want me to sleep?'_

_He swayed dangerously and Jack could see he was hanging on to his anger to stay upright. _

'_You do whatever you want,' Jack countered, finally fed up. 'But I'm coming back in 12 hours and I expect you to be here, unharmed. You hear me? If you want to kill yourself, you are welcome to do so AFTER you and I have a talk. But now I can't be bothered with a traitorous little bitch like you.'_

"Wow, the Captain was so mad at you." Eleanor said.

"Yeah he was. I can't blame him."

"But you did. You blamed him for killing her." Eleanor countered, frowning. "Oh god, you didn't know. You didn't know it wasn't her."

"I didn't realize it. I was so busy keeping her alive that I didn't stop to think there was something wrong. I needed to save her. Jack said she tricked me."

"That's what they do." Eleanor added. "I've met them and I've seen far more powerful men fall because of them. You got lucky. Twice!"

"I … I …" Ianto stammered, the wounds still fresh. "I'll just show you."

_Ianto laid down on his bed, softly sobbing into his pillow. His throat, eyes and every other bit of his body hurt. He was broken, devastated and 'done'. He was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. One suit, one tie. Blood on his shirt, cuffs and vest. Everywhere blood, in his hair, ear and underneath his fingernails.__ The shirt and trousers were completely drenched in dirt and blood, her blood. The room was eerily silent except for the constant sobbing. It smelled of sweat, an irony tang of blood and of death. The air was dense, thick and it dulled down every sound. Ianto didn't care because all those things belonged to him. Death and loneliness were his constant friends._

_Jack stood in the doorway, freshly showered and clean. He observed Ianto, he didn't think the young man had noticed his presence. He seemed so far gone, so desperately overwhelmed by his grief. Jack didn't think there was something Ianto would notice. All he felt was the breaking of his own heart._

_In that moment, the betrayal is forgotten. He wasn't as angry and heated as he was the night before. The wounds weren't as fresh and he had calmed down. __Vaguely he wondered what he would've done if he found himself in his position. He wondered if he would do the same. Or something different. If he had the chance to save Rose from the Daleks and Cybermen, how far would Jack go? _

_Jack shrugged off his thoughts. It was all over. It __ didn't matter anymore. The battle was over, with minimal cost. Two lives had been taken and no doubt will Ianto have to live with that. But things could've been worse. The world could've ended because one young man did not want to let go of love._

_Staring at the crumbling heap of clothes, blood and flesh, he now saw Ianto for what he was … a man, barely, who had given up everything to try and save the last thing he loved. No matter how much his betrayal had hurt, Jack believed that Ianto truthfully didn't mean any harm He just wanted what's best for the girl he had loved. In the end, the almighty Captain Jack had done far worse for a whole less altruistic reasons. So who was he to judge?_

'_Have you slept at all?' he softly asked._

_A small sob was his answer. He crossed the bedroom and sat down on Ianto's bed beside him. He calmly stroke his hair back. 'It's okay Ianto, just breath through it.'_

'_How can it be okay?'_

_A struggling hand grabbed Jack's in a fierce, desperate clutch. 'Look at you,' Jack murmured. 'I'm here.'_

'_Why are you?' Ianto managed to say between sobs. 'Are you going to kill me?'_

'_No,' Jack said. 'How could I? After what we've been through?'_

'_It's protocol. I thought that …'_

'_I was never one for rules, you should know that by now.' Jack stated with a sad smile. 'I need to know one thing.'_

'_I never meant to hurt anyone.' Ianto blurted out. 'I didn't want her… to … oh god Annie. How did it happen? It all happened so fast, I couldn't stop it. I just wanted her safe.'_

'_Shhhht,' Jack soothed. 'And you just answered my question. I don't know what to do with you Ianto. I don't know how to make this better.'_

'_I was never meant to survive Canary Wharf.'_

'_But you did.'_

'_I wish she had and I didn't. Then none of this had happened.'_

'_Listen Ianto. You're not a bad person. You didn't betray your team for money or power. You did it to save people. You did it to fix a terrible wrong. I just wished you had found a better way. I wish you had trusted me.'_

'_I don't think I can ever move on.'_

'_But you will. I'll make sure you do. Now come on, let's get you out of these clothes and into a bath.'_

'_I'm so tired.' Ianto whined._

'_I know. Bath first, then sleep. Don't worry, I'll stay with you.'_

"He stayed with me that night." Ianto said. "He never let go of my hand. Not once."

"It's good that he did." Eleanor responded, mournfully.

"Yeah," Ianto whispered. "I don't think I would've made it to be honest. It was just … so overwhelming. I couldn't think, eat or sleep. Couldn't do anything but break down."

Eleanor smiled, which Ianto found odd considering the topic. He looked at her with his eyebrow arched in question. "What are you smiling like loon for?"

"Just … the one person who was suppose to be the angriest at you, turned out to be the one that helped you through it. Sounds a bit … Shakespearean."

"Sounds like Jack more like it," Ianto snickered. "First he beats the crap out of you for being wrong but then helps you lick your wounds. He'd never stop believing in you."

Ianto smiled as he saw Jack in the distance. He was eating a doughnut, pushing in far too much food in his mouth than he should. He coughed and bits of doughnut came out of his mouth, much to Tosh's dismay. "He's a good man," Ianto added. "Despite some of the things he's done, he's a good man."

"He's forgiven you." Eleanor said, not quite a question nor a statement.

"He did."

"And you fell for him."

"Like a brick." Ianto added with a smile. He took her hands in his for one last time. He brought her back to last Sunday morning.

_Ianto and Jack were in bed, lazily kissing whilst they shared their breakfast. One bit__e out of the croissant, one kiss on the lips. One sip of tea, one kiss near the ear._

_They were both smiling, happy and completely taken by each other. The room, the same one in which mere months ago Ianto lay sobbing in his bloodied suit, was filled with happiness, freedom and … love. _

'_What do you want to do today?' Ianto asked. 'No work!'_

'_Don't care.' Jack replied._

'_Well you must have some idea.'_

'_Not really Ianto. For all I care, we could be cleaning out the sewers. I don't care. I'll do it, as long as you're with me.'_

_Ianto dramatically rolled his eyes. 'Oh be still my heart. Mister charming has gone all cheesy.'_

_Jack laughed out loud. 'Well some people like cheese.'_

'_I like you.' Ianto replied. _

'_I like you too.' Jack said, kissing his lover. 'Let's stay in bed all day?'_

'_Sounds like a plan.'_

"You lazy bum,' Eleanor laughed.

"Hey!" Ianto countered. "As soppy as it may sound, I owe Jack the world, my world."

"Have you told him?"

"Heavens no!" Ianto hurried. "No!"

"Will you?"

"Maybe, some day."

"You should," Eleanor proposed. "How else will you know if he feels the same?"

Ianto looked at Jack again, still in the distance talking to Gwen. "We don't need words to communicate. Not many of them anyway. I know he knows and he knows I know. And that's all we need. It might not be perfect, but it's us."

"Do you realize what you just confessed to?" Eleanor said with a huge smile. "You just said that you lo…"

"Right!" Ianto interrupted her. "If you excuse me, I need to order up some food. The troops are getting hungry!"

He got up, straightened his suit and walked away, but not before winking at Eleanor.

She shook her head forcefully. She never did get why humans liked to play games. Why can't they just be honest about their feelings? Wouldn't it be better if the truth was out there?

She shrugged. After years of living on this planet, she still hasn't figured out these pesky creatures. She loved them, all her friends, but for the love of the universe, she did not always understand their habits despite knowing their most intimate emotions.

She assumed her position again on the couch. Legs crossed over each other, hands on her knees. Humans called this the 'lotus position'. She had seen them practice this sport called Yoga. Interested, she had joined in and found that this position helped her channel her emotions better.

She closed her eyes and concentrated on her happy place again. The mountains, the lake, the field. The southing and calming silence, the harmony.

'_Chimpanzee riding on a segway, chimpanzee riding on a segway!'_

"CAPTAIN!!"


	74. Chapter 74: You know exactly what I need

_You always know exactly what I need_

Jack was sitting at the head of the table in the boardroom, his legs both on the surface and his hands behind his head. He was humming a forgotten tune and smiled broadly at the sight before him: his friends just interacting with each other on an a very ordinary day.

They had just finished their weekly meeting and the team were enjoying an informal chat accompanied by some coffee and snacks. Gwen and Owen were cheerfully and excitably chatting about some latest movie whilst Tosh piped up once in a while. The room was filled with laughter and chit chatter, a welcome change from the usual hurried conversations over donuts and tea.

Jack fondly watched his friends fool around from his seat. Gwen's radiant smile as Toshiko talked about that gorgeous dress she bought, Owen's nervous fiddling, Tosh's ongoing babbling sessions about the latest software upgrades, … they were all little insignificant things but to Jack they were precious. Every small aspect made his friends who they are. It's those little things he will remember years – centuries if he's lucky- to come.

However behind the laughing trio, Ianto quietly busied himself by clearing up the files they had used during the meeting. It wasn't until he had coughed that the Captain had noticed he was in the room. Jack frowned as he took notice that neither Owen, Tosh nor Gwen had shows any signs of recognition.

And yet, Ianto wasn't looking all too great. His skin was pale and greyish, eyes red-rimmed and tired, shoulders hunched over and his hands were slightly shaking. He looked exhausted – drained even – and unmistakably miserable.

It wasn't such a surprise that Ianto was quiet. Before Lisa, he had always been quiet and reserved. Always there when you need him but never around when you didn't. Because he was so excellent at flying under the radar, no one took notice of him. At the time it worked perfectly for him.

After his suspension, he wasn't exactly warmly welcomed back. That obviously didn't help his already quiet and reserved personality. He hid a lot, either in the archives or running around the place. He also didn't speak much unless he was spoken to. Maybe he didn't have a lot to say but Jack thought that Ianto was just scared of making things worse. His plan to become invisible to the team had worked a little too well. The team was so used to him not being around that they usually forgot about him. His plan worked too well and it started backfiring. Even when times got rough, he was invisible.

Slowly Jack had befriended him again, took him under his wing and cared for him when no one else would. It wasn't something Jack had set out to do. But he watched a young man, who he had cared for once upon a time, destroy himself and there didn't seem to be anyone that was willing to stop him. Riddled by guilt and compassion, Jack stepped up his game.

The young man was lost and Jack helped him find his way again. He wasn't overly friendly – barely kind- but at least he was there. Ianto wasn't alone. In the Hub, the pub or in his bed, at least Ianto had someone to cling to when it got tough.

Ianto didn't say much, but Jack could always tell when he needed something or someone.

It showed in the way he gripped Jack in bed, right after they both came. It wasn't just post-coital hugging, it was more than that. It was something more primal, hugging not for comfort but for shelter, for feeling safe. Ianto always used to rest his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling Jack's scent over and over again as if it granted him some sort of grasp on reality. As if he needed affirmation that they both were alive.

Jack in return didn't say anything about it either. He certainly was the 'fuck and leave them' sort of guy but he let this one slide. If Ianto needed to hold onto him for a few minutes, why make a big deal out of it? More importantly, Ianto was a great fuck. He didn't want to lose those privileges. That could lead to _complications _at work.

It also showed in the way he completely withdrew himself from contact. He already said so little that it wasn't really noticeable when he kept everything to himself. So not many perceived this slight shift.

It also showed in the way refused to make eye contact. With anyone. When talking to you, he hovered over or around your eyes, but never really looked at you.

It's these little things that alarmed Jack. It's these things that tell him to stay close to Ianto.

From his seat, Jack could clearly see the difference between Ianto and the rest of the team: laughter and fun on one side and Ianto, reserved and quiet on the other. Months after the cybergirlfriend and there was still a divide – let's say a rift- between the members, between light and darkness.

Just looking at Ianto made Jack feel sad. He was obviously ill: the paleness, the redness of his eyes, the soft sniffling and coughing noises he made and the trembling. He belonged in bed with a hot water bottle and some weak tea whilst complaining about the quality of daytime TV. Instead he carried on working, as if nothing in the world was out of place.

But it was more than that. Jack knew Ianto well and he instinctively recognized the signs. It's that look he gave him: a shine of melancholy, bitterness and anger. A sense of loss, desperation and hopelessness. Feeling lost and devastated. It was all in the eyes if you took the time to look at him.

Jack shook his head. He finally thought the boy was getting better. After months of screaming, crying and mood swings, it seemed that Ianto had found some emotional stability.

But Jack saw the signs and mused that maybe Ianto was hitting rock bottom again. Another small peak followed by a plunging low.

And if he was, then it meant that he'd been drinking more, eating less and barely sleeping again. The whole full circle that Jack recognized far too well.

Unfortunately it had coincided with the rift being overly active. Jack hadn't really talked to Ianto in over week, let alone spend some time with him. Jack knew he didn't have many friends, at least not many he could trust. And when it came to Lisa and Torchwood, Ianto could only vent to Jack. Who else could possibly understand the horrors of Torchwood?

He cursed himself for not putting in much effort this week. They fucked, but they weren't lovers. It was more a convenient relationship than anything else. But somehow Jack felt responsible for his wellbeing. Maybe because he knew that he was all alone in the world or maybe because he recognized far too much of himself in Ianto to do nothing to help. He couldn't just sit back and watch this man hurt himself even more.

One look at Ianto and he felt overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness and responsibility. It must be hard feeling like absolute crap and carrying on like that. No one noticed, no one brought him a bowl of soup or even offered some encouraging words. There was only silence except for the maddening voices inside his head. And who knows what they were telling him.

Ianto quietly exited the room, bringing with him the files they had used. Off to the archives, his safe haven, to hide and lick his wounds. Jack watched him leave and with sadness in his heart, he noticed that none of the others had even noticed the door slam shut.

__

An hour later Jack entered the archives in search for Ianto. He found him in the left wing, sitting and nearly buried in books.

"Research?" Jack asked, careful not to startle Ianto.

"Yeah, Tosh asked a full report on the Ruiyk-species." Ianto mumbled.

"Stop for a minute, will you?" Jack said, not a question nor an order. Ianto looked up from the books and saw Jack sitting on that tattered sofa he had saved from the lower levels. The Captain tapped the space next to him and beckoned Ianto over. Ianto complied all too willingly. His legs were heavy and he was glad to spend some time with him.

He sat down next to Jack and sighed deeply, a breath of relief that came from a place he did not know even existed. Looking to his side, he saw Jack smiling fondly at him.

"Have some soup, will you?" Jack stated, pointing at a full bowl of tomato soup in front of them. "It might do you good."

Smelling the delicious odor, Ianto realized how hungry he actually was. "God, I'm hungry. Haven't eaten all day."

A shadow passed on Jack's face. "You really should've."

"Haven't been too hungry lately, nothing to worry about. Recovering from a bad cold."

"How bad?" Jack asked, glad that Ianto was being honest and not shying away like usual.

"Fever, throat ache and stuffy nose. All better now."

"And you didn't think once to ask for a day off?" Jack asked.

"Doesn't matter, it'll pass anyway."

Jack sighed deeply. "Finish the soup, go upstairs and tell Owen to give you a physical and report to me. And yes that is an order."

"Jack I'm fine." Ianto resisted.

"Ianto … I know you like to keep things private. But I expect you to take care of yourself when you're ill. And if you don't, then I will have to step in. Don't put yourself down like this. If you can't recognize your own limits, let other guide you. You don't have to be alone all the time."

"Jack …"

"Eat." The Captain interrupted. He got up and kissed Ianto's forehead. "I expect you to be out of the Hub by 16.00 hours. Understood?"

"But Jack!"

"UNDERstood?"

Ianto nodded, albeit hesitantly. "I'll leave early. Promise."

__

That evening Jack visited Ianto.

The young man opened the door, wearing only a towel wrapped around his naked body.

Jack gulped at the sight of Ianto dripping wet with just a little square of fabric covering his privates. He eyed him up intensively, from his bare feet to the slick and wet dark hair.

"Do you always open the door half naked?" Jack asked cheekily with half a smile.

"I knew it was you."

"How?" Jack said, intrigued and eager to know if Ianto did have a small camera installed.

Ianto merely shrugged. "Who else would visit me?"

Jack entered and followed Ianto into his bedroom. "Feeling at home? You could always wait for me to get dressed." Ianto asked dryly.

"Well Mister Jones, I always thought you liked me in your bedroom."

Ianto chuckled and quirked his left eyebrow in question when he saw Jack take off his clothes and relax on his bed, wearing only a tight boxer short that didn't really leave much to imaination.

The wicked smile on Jack's face immediately lit up the room and it was hard for Ianto not to smile back. He had that effect on people. If he smiled, it seemed like the world smiled with him. That's one of the reasons why Ianto liked spending time with him. It was impossible not to see a bright future when he was around.

Jack reached out his hand and Ianto hesitantly took it. He knew well where this was leading to and he did want it. But Jack also made him nervous. 'Why on earth would a man like him be with a man like me?' he thought to himself.

Jack carefully pulled Ianto to the bed until he was laying beside him. Another wicked grin and he leant in for a kiss. Their first one in over two weeks. It was slow and sensual, their lips meeting tenderly and tongues barely touching, ghosting over each other. Jack's hands trailed up Ianto's back and he pushed the young man flat against his chest. He could feel the drops on Ianto's chest and he shivered involuntary. The coldness of his skin was so much in contrast with the hotness of his lips, his mouth and tongue. He could feel every inch of Ianto's naked form so very much alive against him.

Ianto buried his hand in Jack hair, pushing his mouth closer to his in a hungry attempt to feel Jack nearer. The kisses were heating up, both men scraping at each other's flesh. Tongues danced to a rhythm they both knew all too well.

The room filled with sloppy kissing noises, heavy breathing rustling of the sheets and the sound of two hearts beating as one. Breathlessly they break apart but they remain close, their breath caressing each others faces.

"Eager then?" Jack said, noting the impressive bulge on the young man.

"It's been a while." Ianto replied. "Too long."

"Oh really?" Jack chuckled. "How long exactly."

"Since our last time."

"Wow," Jack exclaimed. "That's over a month."

Ianto shrugged. "My mind was somewhere else."

Jack pouted and quickly stole another kiss. "All work and no play makes for dull time." he said. "Once in a while you should try thinking with your other head."

"I'm not like you." Ianto replied, surprisingly serious.

"I know," Jack countered as he started kissing Ianto's neck. "That's why I like fucking you. You're so different that my other lovers."

"Good to know." Ianto blurted out sarcastically. He gasped when he felt Jack's tongue swirling over the shell of his ear.

"Oooh," Jack sang. "Jealous?" He punctuated the word by biting into Ianto's neck, causing Ianto to throw his head back. Jack took the cue and ravished the exposed skin, licking and sucking on the adam's apple and right underneath his chin.

"Me? Never. You're not that great." Ianto hissed as Jack bit him painfully.

"Oh really?" Jack teasingly asked. "Is that why you're already rock hard?"

"Fuck." Ianto cursed as Jack slid his hand underneath the towel to prove his point. The Captain chuckled, fully realizing that he had Ianto right where he wanted him.

"Now, now. Mind your language boy. I'm not even fucking you and you're already using foul language. It HAS been a while."

His hand caressed the skin of Ianto's thigh, gently sliding over the surface but not touching the bits that ached to be touched.

"Just get on with it." Ianto hissed between his teeth.

"As you wish." Jack laughed.

Jack roughly removed the towel and threw it on the floor. He grinned as he saw Ianto's impressive erection nudging his leg. Lustfully, he licked his lips. "Oooh beautiful."

Jack's hand crept upwards and closed around the aching cock. He slid his hand over the shaft, softly squeezing until a little bit of precum oozed out of the slit. His thumb glided over the head a few times and it caused Ianto to arch his back and twist his hands into the sheets. Jack could tell he was turned on and horny but not a word or sound escaped from Ianto's red kissable lips. "Always a challenge to make you scream." He sang. "You are very eager. Tell me, want to get fucked or sucked?"

"Anything." Ianto breathed. "Just anything."

"Really?" Jack teased as he continued to work Ianto. "And who does you right?"

"You." Ianto whined as Jack stopped moving his hand. He closed his hand hard on the base of Ianto's shaft. "Only you. You know what I need."

"Good boy." Jack whispered as he kissed Ianto thoroughly. Their tongues slid over each like two dancing figures. Roughly they kissed until Ianto pulled away. "Just fucking move your hand again! You're killing me."

Jack chuckled, infuriating Ianto even more. "Admit it, no one knows you like I do." Jack whispered. For a moment Jack saw a shimmer of sadness and loneliness in those blue eyes. He held his breath, afraid that he said something too hurtful, too close to the truth. He waited for Ianto to react.

Seconds past that seemed like minutes, until Ianto nodded. "You know me."

Jack smiled and started kissing Ianto's neck again as he removed his hand, eliciting a disappointed moan from Ianto.

"Shhh," Jack soothed. "It'll be worth it."

Slowly he made his way down Ianto's chest, sucking, licking and kissing as he went along. He took his time to adore the nipples, knowing Ianto was sensitive. Swirling his tongue around the stiff peaks, he sucked them hungrily and indulgently. Every time his tongue went over the tip, Ianto bit his hand forcefully in order not the scream out. The other hand fisted into Jack's short hair.

Jack chuckled as he adored every inch of Ianto's chest and his hands were busy caressing the hips, another one of Ianto's sensitive spots.

Wickedly grinning, he eagerly eyed his prize. He nuzzled the thick pubic hair as his thumb caressed the side of Ianto's shaft, so sensitive and so very responsive.

Above him, Ianto moaned in appreciation. In sign of victory, Jack took the head into his mouth and started sucking Ianto luxuriously, as if it was the only thing he'd ever wanted to do. Up and down he bobbed his head, nearly taking him wholly into his mouth. He swirled his tongue underneath him, knowing this did all the right things to Ianto. And indeed, Ianto shouted out above him and started thrusting into Jack's mouth.

Jack went with the movement, excitedly grinning around Ianto's cock. Jack kept up the rhythm and caressed Ianto's bum, occasionally bringing him closer.

It didn't take long for Ianto to get close to the edge. Jack could feel his breathing becoming heavier, his movements more erratic and his cock was just aching to burst. He loved seeing Ianto like this. Gone was that carefully kept façade of the gentleman caller. Gone were his reservations, shame and guilt. Jack loved seeing because in those few moments, Ianto was free to enjoy himself. Ianto was just _Ianto. _

Carefully he slicked up a finger, with such an ease it frightened himself, and played around with Ianto's hole. He pushed in slowly, feeling Ianto clench and unclench around him. Above him, Ianto was making all sorts of delicious sounds but Jack knew he was still holding back.

He pushed in deeper, all the while still bobbing his head on Ianto's hard dick, and caressed Ianto's prostate. The moment he first touched it, Ianto screamed out in pleasure.

Jack just grinned. He got what he wanted: Ianto was fully open to him. He was finally letting go of all that frustration. Jack made it his mission to make sure nothing but pure pleasure was on Ianto's mind.

The double assault did a number on Ianto: his eyes were screwed shut, his body was glistening with beads of sweat and he was asking, or rather pleading, Jack not to stop. He trembled against Jack's every movement. Shards of colors flew across his vision and there was nothing, absolutely nothing, he could do to stop the profanities that were escaping from his lips.

Jack didn't stop. Not until Ianto came into his throat with a loud shout. Jack hungrily sucked all the juices up and didn't stop until Ianto's cock had gone limp.

With that same wicked grin, Jack looked up from the groin to Ianto's red and sweaty face. "You screamed." he said proudly.

"Holy crap," Ianto replied. "Did you go to dicksucking college or something?"

"No," Jack responded nonchalantly. "I did once win a trophy though."

Ianto didn't even have the strength to inquire further. He just laughed it off, waving his hand at Jack.

"You have five minutes to recover." Jack said in reply. "I'll be in the shower and if you're not there and sitting on my cock within that time period, I will be wanking in your shower and cumming on your showercurtains."

"Just give me a minute." Ianto breathed. "I'll come."

Getting off the bed, Jack had that notorious naughty look on his face. "I'll see to it that you do."

Ianto stayed in his bed for the time being. He heard Jack turn on the shower and much to his disdain, he started singing Frank Sinatra. He chuckled to himself, not quite believing and possibly feeling a bit envious of Jack's extraverted nature.

Suddenly the phone rang. He jumped up and sat up straight on his bed. 'It's 3 in the morning.' he thought. 'Who could that be?'

Walking up to the phone, his heart felt heavy. Phone calls in the night are never a good thing.

In the shower, Jack was fully soaping up his hair. _'I do it myyy waayyy' _he sang loudly.

Between notes, he noticed for the first time the silence in the apartment. It struck him as odd because he expected Ianto to follow him into the bathroom soon after. But yet he didn't. At least 10 minutes had gone by and yet there was no sign of Ianto.

He turned off the shower, quickly dried off and walked into the bedroom again. Ianto sat on the floor in fetal position, clutching his legs with one arm and the phone forcefully grasped in his other. His eyes were fixated on the floor and Jack couldn't even hear him breath. The silence was deafening, louder than angry words or shouting match.

Slowly he bent down and lifted Ianto's chin up. Tears flowed freely over his cheeks. Ianto didn't even possess any strength to hold them back. "What happened?" Jack asked.

"Grandma's gone." A shaking voice responded. "Stroke."

"I'm sorry kid." Jack replied as he dragged Ianto upright. He supported most of his weight as Ianto collapsed again his chest. "Let's get you under covers. Last thing you need is your health relapsing."

Gently tucking Ianto into bed, he stroked his hair back. Ianto started sobbing, again silently, as if he didn't dare to make a sound. He trembled slightly, even though he was warm beneath blankets.

"I'm sorry." Ianto said. "I'm not being much fun. I don't think I can … It's okay. There's some cool clubs around. Attractive people. They'll show you a good time. I don't mind. A guy like you shouldn't have too much trouble finding …"

"Shhh." Jack soothed. "Don't think too much."

"Don't worry about me. Just go." Ianto wept.

"Will you be okay?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. You know me." Ianto said, trying to smile but not quite succeeding.

Jack kissed his forehead and draped the covers over his shoulders. Silently he left the room.

Ianto continued sobbing and crying, alone in the room. He could let go now, he was alone. He missed Jack's warm hands on him but he didn't care. Jack shouldn't have to watch him crumble. He deserved fun and when he got like this, he was everything but fun. The sound of the cries reverberated through the room. A sound that was far too familiar. 'Not again,' Ianto thought. 'Not again. Not another death. How on earth am I suppose to get better with all this shit?'

Suddenly Ianto felt the bed dip beside him. He turned around and saw Jack laying beside him, struggling to get under covers.

"I thought you left." Ianto asked, his breath hitching here and there.

"Pharmacy." Jack replied. "In case you needed some painkillers during the night. Bought some water as well, you were out."

The Captain embraced Ianto and pulled him closer. Ianto snuggled against him, burying his nose into Jack's neck, inhaling his strong scent.

'There it is,' Jack thought. 'The signs. My boy needs me.'

Ianto trembled against him, not out of cold but more out of fear. Once again, someone he loved had left him. "I don't know if I can do this, Jack."

"It's okay. Let go." Jack whispered. "I'll take care of you. You won't be alone tonight. I know exactly what you need."


	75. Chapter 75: Jokes and old habits

_Jokes and old habits_

Ianto lay lazily on a little camp bed in the middle of one of the Hub's many guestrooms.

It wasn't much to look at, just a little room with a bed and a bedside table. But it was enough for an employee that was too exhausted – or too drunk - to drive to sleep in.

It had been another tough case where the team had to work around the clock. Ianto had been up for nearly 30 hours when Owen had send him to bed. A bit cross, Ianto had obeyed. More because the doctor scared him when he's had too much caffeine and far too little sleep.

The young archivist was happy to be followed by a very sleepy Captain. Jack didn't sleep much but he was human after all, so even he crashed and burnt at times.

Jack was busy undressing whilst Ianto lazily lay in bed, warmly tucked under covers.

"Jack … what sort of jobs have you done in your life?"

"A lot." Jack merely responded.

"Have you … been a teacher?"

"In one way, yes. I was sergeant so I had to lead the troops. I guided them, on and off the field. I kind of taught them. About many things like war, love, sex and many other subjects. But I was never really a teacher in the traditional sense."

"Did you … ever work as a doctor or a nurse?"

"I've had to nurse a lot of injured soldiers on the fields. Some I've even needed to leave behind …" Jack replied, his eyes glistening with distant memories.

"Did you ever … worked the streets?" Ianto asked, grinning.

"Ianto Jones! Did you just ask me if I ever prostituted myself?"

"No," Ianto responded. "I merely asked if you ever had to work on the streets. You know, like a police officer of some sort."

"Yeah yeah," Jack countered whilst he threw a wet towel at Ianto. "I'm SURE you meant that. And the answer is no on both accounts!"

"Did you … ever work as a psychologist?"

"I've had to listen to a lot of sad stories if that's what you mean."

"Did you ever …" Ianto started.

"Hey Ianto," Jack said, a little bit annoyed. "How about you? What would you have become if you weren't a super secret agent?" Jack laughed. He swiftly took off all his clothes and joined Ianto in the warm bed.

He saw Ianto thinking, his eyes pensive whilst he softly bit his lip. "I don't know," Ianto confessed. "Most of my childhood I thought I'd end up on the dole or in prison, because that's what most people did … in my neighborhood.

"Ianto, it's not like you lived in the projects."

"No, but close enough. But secretly," Ianto whispered, his eyes naughtily glinting. "Secretly, I wanted to be a firefighter."

"Really?" Jack said as he held Ianto close. "A firefighter huh, that's really macho! I think you could've been a movie star."

"Bollock!" Ianto replied, stealing a quick kiss. "Would be funny though. If I won an award, I could say stuff like 'oh would you like to hold my Golden Globes?', how awesome would that be!"

They both laughed, quickly followed by a kiss.

"You're so adorable." Jack said as he nuzzled into Ianto's neck.

"Oh wow!" Ianto replied, rolling his eyes in his typical dramatic manner. "That's what every guy liked to hear!"

Jack suddenly climbed on top of him, grazed his teeth over his chest and ended with a quick lick of the left nipple. "How about 'you're so adorable that I want to fuck you into this mattress?' Is that better?"

"Hmmm," Ianto murmured. "That might do it."

Ianto leant in for a kiss and their mouth automatically found each other. They kissed luxuriously as they hands explored territory they knew all too well.

In the distant hallway, Owen shouted for Ianto. With a quick reflex, Ianto managed to throw Jack off of him just in time before Owen walked into the room, rudely without knocking. With a loud thud, Jack ended up on the floor. Luckily, it was on the other side of the bed so that Jack was completely shielded by the bed. Owen didn't seem to have noticed Jack's soft pained moans.

"Just wanted to let you know that I've left some of that herbal stuff for you to take in the morning. I know you're sleeping pattern has been off again but I don't want you taking those heavy sleep meds again."

"Right," Ianto stammered. "Thank you."

"Goodnight Ianto."

"Goodnight Owen. Get home safely."

As he walked out, he yelled. "Will do. Goodnight Jack!"

Ianto promptly got up and was by Jack's side. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jack said in an unexpected high-pitched voice. "Fell on the book, hit me between the Golden Globes."

Ianto blurted out in laughter as he saw Jack on the floor with his hands between his legs.

"Not funny." Jack said.

"I beg to differ. It's kind of funny. I'm sooo sorry. I'll get you some ice."

"What the hell where you thinking anyway, throwing me off like that?"

Ianto shrugged. "Old habits die hard I suppose. All that sneaking around we did. Mind knows that we're 'out and proud' but the hands don't."

"You're full of it." Jack said, shaking his head.

"Ice?" Ianto asked.

"Please!"


	76. Chapter 76: Home

Set after "Captain Jack Harkness", series 1.

_Home_

Ianto stood in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He moistened a small handkerchief with some tepid water and dabbed it on his sore eye. It was slightly swollen, bloodshot and the skin was a purple-blue. He winced as the pressure of the cloth painfully shot through his nerve endings. "God damned you, Owen." he cursed to no one. "You know I was right."

For some unknown circumstances – at least at the time – Toshiko and Jack got swallowed into the past, more specifically in the 1940's. It was up to the rest of the team to get them back. But with Gwen snooping around in that magnificent yet scary mansion, Ianto was left alone to deal with a temperamental and rather emotionally unstable Owen. The medic had always been fierce but lately he had been more on the edge, more grumpier than ever and his fuse was easily lit.

Ianto suspected that might have something to do with Diane and he was proven right. Owen loved her and the visions he saw of her fueled his love and anger.

Ianto should've known better than to push Owen's button, one does not corner a wounded animal without consequences, but he had to for the sake of Toshiko and Jack.

Owen wasn't being reasonable and someone had to stop him. Due to lack of other personnel, the task was laid out for Ianto to grasp. He needed to stop the frenzied doctor.

'Easier said than done' Ianto mournfully thought. He knew exactly what kind of maddening drive lived inside him. An overpowering, overwhelming, disabling and infuriating monster that will stop at nothing. He wanted Diane back and he was going to do whatever it took to accomplish his mission.

He knew that feeling all too well because not even six months ago, he was encased by the same drive. He would've done anything to save Lisa.

But now he was a different man, reformed and re-educated. He knew now that sometimes to gain a little, one must let go of something they love. For their sake and your own.

Like Owen, Ianto was prepared and succeeded in doing what he deemed impossible – he got himself a job with Torchwood, manipulated the team, manipulated Jack and even more unthinkable, he lost Lisa. He came, he saw and he conquered – sort of. He wasn't fine yet, the wounds were healing very slowly, but he was getting there. Slowly but steadily.

"Lisa," Ianto sorrowfully sighed. "I'm so sorry."

Months later and he still couldn't look at himself in the mirror without hating himself for not being able to save Lisa. The memory of her was still burnt in his mind, like an image that just won't fade.

So the moment he had to confront Owen, he knew exactly what sort of man he was fighting.

The bathroom door opened and Jack strolled into the room, his eyes and smile demure but he still had that cheerful air around himself.

"So Owen just told me you shot him. You actually shot him."

"I did sir," Ianto replied, his eyes not quite connecting with Jack. "I had to, he was going to open the rift. In the end it didn't matter, I failed."

"We're back so that's one positive thing." Jack replied. His tone was bitter and Ianto couldn't quite place it. He knew Jack would get angry for disobeying his orders but he'd never expected bitterness and regret from him.

"Yeah," Ianto said, not really wanting to reply but he felt like he needed to say something. "At least you guys are back."

Jack touched Ianto's chin and pulled his face towards him so that they were finally making eye contact. "I take it Owen planted his fist on your eye."

"Yeah when I was trying to stop him." Ianto responded.

"Anything else I should know Yan?"

"Am fine," he mumbled. "Just a few sore spots."

"Where? Just the eye?"

"No, eye and ribs. He gave it a bit of a … kick."

Jack winced at the words. He knew they weren't exactly friends but he did not expect his two colleagues to get into each others hair if he was absent. At least not with the intention to hurt each other.

"Give me that then." Jack said as he took the handkerchief from Ianto. Carefully he cleaned up the small cuts and bruises on Ianto's face.

The archivist welcomed it. It was a nice change to be taken care of instead of being to one that took care of everything. He sat down on the sink and rested his head back on the mirror as Jack worked his magic. A silence fell between the men, comfortable yet with a certain tension.

"Don't fall asleep on me!" Jack joked.

"Am still here," Ianto replied. "Barely."

"Look … I know you don't want to but you should probably talk to Owen." Jack offered.

"Why? What good would it do sir?"

"I don't know but something's got to change." Jack replied, angrier than before. "I can't have it that you two fall out if I'm gone longer than 5 minutes. If something happens to me, Torchwood needs to move on."

"Sir?" Ianto asked, concerned and confused.

"We have a dangerous job, Ianto. And I need to know that Torchwood's safe in case I'm gone."

"It is … we just had a disagreement."

"You call this a disagreement? A black eye, bruised ribs, a split lip and a bullet in one's shoulder? That's not a disagreement Ianto."

"He'll never like me."

"He doesn't need to Ianto. He just needs to tolerate you enough so that he doesn't kill you!"

With those words he threw the cloth into the basin and sighed profoundly. "You two may not like each other but I need to know I can trust you both in the same room."

"You can!" Ianto yelped. Since Lisa he'd been trying his best to regain Jack's trust back. Not only because it would guarantee his safety but also because he liked Jack. A lot. "Things just got out of hand."

Jack smiled mournfully, looked at Ianto and kissed his forehead calmly. "Things have the tendency to et out of hand around here. Just talk to him."

~~*~~

"I saw her." Owen said suddenly. He sat in a lonely chair in the autopsy bay, surrounded by darkness. Ianto turned the lights on and suddenly the sharp fluorescent lighting sprung to life. Owen winced at the sudden brightness. He took a big gulp of his beer and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "She asked me to open the rift. How could I not even try?"

Ianto kept his silence, not knowing whether it was wise to engage in a conversation. But seeing as he had orders, he could not just do nothing. "Lisa came to me."

"The cybergirl?" Owen asked, not venomous but rather curious.

"No," Ianto replied. "Lisa. She looked … normal. Human. Like her. She asked me to open the rift as well."

"Wow. So I wasn't the only one."

"No," Ianto whispered. "We all saw things. Gwen saw Rhys get killed and Tosh mentioned she saw her mother."

"The dude played us well," Owen uttered. "He got to us."

"He knew us." Ianto agreed. "He knew what we wanted, feared and wished for. I don't know what's scarier … the things that are yet to come or that our past is still haunting us."

Ianto shivered involuntarily. He felt his gut suddenly turn ice cold, as if the ghost of Lisa had suddenly put her fist through his body.

"Why didn't you?" Owen asked in a low and scared voice. "Why didn't you do it?"

Ianto looked at the medic and noticed unfailing tears in his brown eyes. "Do what?" he asked.

"Why weren't you tempted to open the rift? We both saw the women we love begging us to open the rift but not once did you even hesitate to do it. Why?"

"Because the vision did nothing to me!" Ianto replied heatedly. "She's been haunting me ever since the battle of Canary Wharf. Her face, her eyes, her pain. I see it every day. In the mirror, in others and in myself. Every day I see it."

His hands were shaking and Ianto had trouble controlling his voice. He was the master of hiding secrets but now he was having trouble keeping his emotions in check. "I've only told Jack this but I still love her. I hate her and I fear her but I love her. I miss her so much, every day. I can't eat, sleep or breath without her. But she's gone. And I'll continue to love and miss her. But I wouldn't want her back. Not like that, not like what she'd become."

"Not even if you knew a piece of her still lived inside that thing?" Owen asked.

"No." Ianto replied quickly. "The moment she tried to kill you all … that's the moment I realised … she's gone. My baby girl is gone."

Ianto's voice croaked and unspoken tears fell from his eyes. He forcefully wiped them away and took a deep breath. "The woman I loved is gone. And I do not want that thing to taint the memory of her even more."

"I'd do anything." Owen said.

"I know Owen. But in time you'll see that … maybe it's better this way."

"How can you even say that? You nearly destroyed the whole human race to save her!"

"Aren't you listening?" Ianto shouted back. "I made a mistake by trying to save her! She was too far gone, I know that now."

"Diane isn't gone, she's still out there. Somewhere." Owen resisted. "She has to be."

"I'm so sorry Owen."

"Don't be Tea Boy. I'm fine and if there's a way to get her back, I will find it and then I will find her."

"Owen …"

"Don't say it." The medic snapped. "Don't say it."

"You need to hear it."

"Don't, Ianto!"

"She chose to leave." Ianto calmly said. "She chose to leave you. And I am so so sorry."

Owen growled and suddenly punched the table. "What do you even care? Wouldn't you rather be bending over Jack's desk?"

"I care because I know. I know what you're going through." Ianto replied. "You may not like me but we're more alike than you think. I know what's going on inside of you and I damned well know how easy it is to lose your mind."

"I didn't want to lose Jack and Toshiko."

"You can say that but we both know the real reason why you opened that rift." Ianto barked. "But you know, that's okay. You do what you have to do. When the time comes …"

"Then what?" Owen snarled.

"When the time comes, you'll fall deeper. And we'll be there. If you don't know who to call, then call me."

Owen laughed hysterically, as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"If you ever need someone to stop you, call me. I'll be more than happy to put another bullet in your shoulder. But just call someone. I did and it's the only reason why I'm still alive."

Owen suddenly stopped laughing, his face instantly serious. "Who did you call?"

"Jack. I would've shot myself if I hadn't. Just promise me that you'll call someone if it ever happens to you. If you ever found yourself without a way out."

"Yeah, yeah Tea Boy, no need to get so sentimental."

"I'm being sentimental because I don't want you to blow your fucking brains out?" Ianto huffed. "It'll save me from cleaning up after you!"

Owen smiled. He may not like Ianto but he'd die to save his life and he knew the same thing applied to him. This is what they did … they fought, they bickered and they bantered. They weren't friends but they were brothers. As he watched the young man walk out, he whispered silently, without knowing if Ianto ever heard it. "Thank you."

As Ianto walked up the stairs of the autopsy bay, he smiled broadly.

~~*~~

Jack swirled the amber liquid in the glass and stared out into the distance. His eyes seemed to be haunted, either by real ghosts or distant memories. The silence was deafening, louder than shouted words and screams. It was nearly overwhelming.

The captain was lost in thought. He thought about Jack – the man who's name he carried. He didn't really believe in love at first sight but he knew there was something. Something sacred and pure. He knew it could've been love, if only they ever got the chance.

It was ironic really. He wanted to go back to the 1940's and see what it could be but at the same time, going back would mean that he'd have to give up his name and become John Harper, a name so foreign to him. He'd been using 'Jack Harkness' as his name for so long that he had forgotten that a brilliant mind once existed with the same name.

He let out a terrified breath and it cut through the deafening silence. He'll never get the chance to meet him again. He'll never get the chance to kiss him one last time. Jack had died and it felt like his heart was burning inside the Captain's chest.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ianto said lowly. The words were spoken so softly but they resounded harshly in the silent room.

Jack jumped but smiled when he saw Ianto standing in his office. It was one of those smiles he gives out when he's hurting but doesn't want to show any signs of it.

"Is that all my thoughts are worth to you?" Jack asked cheekily.

Ianto opened his mouth to say something but he realised he did not know what. He wanted to say something romantic, something sweet like 'they mean everything to me' but he quickly remembered that Jack wasn't the sort of man to like it.

They've kissed, fondled and fucked in the past. But since Lisa, things had changed. They weren't lovers, it was just something that had become routine after a rough day. Just some sort of screwed up stress release.

'He's a soldier and soldiers are tough!' he said to himself, just so he'd have an excuse not to say what he really felt. 'He doesn't have time to play around like puppies.'

But deep down, Ianto was aching for Jack. Whether it was because he was in love with him or because he just wanted to be held, he did not know. His whole life consisted of pain. Everything was cold, dark and harsh so he longed for some warmth. He physically ached for something nice and loving. He needed it but he was too afraid to ask for it. The rats in his stomach were always there, gnawing at his insides. He was always so cold, as if he was frozen solid. Nothing seemed to make it better. It had been like this since he lost Lisa. And he did not know how, if and when it will ever pass. He just prayed it was rather sooner than later.

So instead of saying what he really wanted to say, he just shrugged. "You just seem a bit sad. I thought you'd be glad to be back with us."

"I am," Jack replied quickly. "Don't get me wrong. I'm very glad. I just had to pay a big price to get here again."

"What would that be?"

"One hell of a gorgeous man."

"Oh," Ianto said silently. Jack didn't notice the sorrow that quickly flickered through the young man's eyes. "You fell in love."

Jack snorted. "Not exactly but close enough."

Finally the Captain looked up and saw Ianto standing in the doorway. He smiled at him, a genuine smile this time, and beckoned him over. It was like Jack saw Ianto for the first time. "At least I'm here with you. Come here."

Ianto tried not to let it show but he was beaming, his cheeks flushed red and he could not suppress a smile.

"Come on." Jack whispered as he reached for his hand. He pulled Ianto next to him and onto the couch. He kissed him luxuriously, as if he hadn't kissed him for weeks instead of the four hours he'd been missing. "You'll always be there for me, won't you?"

"Always." Ianto breathed.

"Let's watch a movie Mister Jones." Jack said.

The movie began and as Jack snuggled against Ianto, his head safely resting on Ianto's shoulder, he felt safe and cared for. Ianto always made him feel like that; wanted, loved and he knew Ianto would never judge him.

And as for Ianto … he was smiling. He was holding Jack as if he was the most precious thing in the world. His hands were drawing circles on Jack's back and he could feel his breathing getting heavy against his neck. He secretly loved it that Jack was able to relax when he was around. Not even Gwen had managed that.

The spikes of his hair tickled Ianto's chin and he could clearly smell Jack's shampoo. It had a hint of peach and vanilla, something that always reminded him of the summer.

Ianto kissed Jack's forehead and softly brushed his hands over his cheeks, a slight stubble already forming. He sighed and kissed Jack's lips as he took in that enticing smell of Jack.

"Home," he whispered. "I'm finally home."

It may not be perfect, but he finally felt warmer. As if the frozen spikes in his stomach were thawing. Jack closed his eyes and slept next to Ianto, who was more than willing to hang onto his Captain for just a little while longer.

Jack was right, Ianto would always be there for him. And he didn't mind waiting around to see if perhaps Jack would one day fall in love with him. Maybe that day, he could finally feel warm again.


	77. Chapter 77:The distance between 2 hearts

A/N: During Jack's stay on the Valiant.

Hope you like and review please :)

_Distance between two hearts_

It was march 12 and the night slowly crept by. Ianto always had trouble sleeping but lately it had gotten worse. He worried too much, drank far too much coffee and had never really gotten the hang of relaxing in bed. Jack always helped him settle down. Everything was so much easier with Jack. He made him laugh, cheered him up in an instant, calmed him down when he got upset or angry and also chased away the bad dreams.

But Jack was gone now. And Ianto was still there, in his apartment at 4 in the morning looking up at the crispy white ceiling. He was tossing and turning in his eerily cold and empty bed. He sighed heavily and reached for his bedside table, grabbed a bottle and popped the cap.

With nervous hands he swallowed a tiny white pill down and prayed for the best. Owen had noticed that he was more tired than usual and offered to write him a prescription pill for something that would relax him. No sleeping pills – Owen didn't quite trust Ianto on his own with heavy medication – but something that would definitely help him catch some much needed sleep.

_A hand in mine, soft but firm, squeezing as we approach the point of no return. You looked at me and nodded. I immediately knew what you meant._

"_Yeah, me too" I whispered softly, barely audible to anyone else._

"_I'm falling for you," he said. __"I can't help it."_

"_Well then," I added. "Lets fall together."_

"_Down the rabbit hole."_

_I jumped and you followed, our fingers still entwined. _

Ianto woke up and a single tear rolled down his cheek. He hugged the sheets closer around him and inhale Jack's lingering scent. It was fading fast but it was still there. Or maybe he just imagined it. Like a distant memory that rests far too closebeneath the enough he never understood what that dream meant but somehow it shook him to the core.

He took out his diary and began writing:

"_I am a worthless piece of art, drawn by the creator but admired by none. I reach for something - anything- but there's nothing reaching back. No soft hands cupping my face, no strong heartbeat against my ear and no inviting lips against mine._

_There's nothing but me._

_In the darkness it didn't seem so bad but at dawn, when the shadows awaken by the first ray of sunshine, the demons seem clearer. And the vision of you softly slips from my mind.__"_

He punched his pillow hard and cried. "I miss you." he managed to bawl in between sobs.

~~*~~

Jack woke up screaming, not from a dream but from death. He still felt the electricity run through him. He still remembered the smell of death surrounding him.

He screamed and screamed. And the Master just laughed.

He stood over Jack, who was crippled to the floor, and towered above him, threatening and so very real.

"Had enough now?" the Master spat out. "I enjoy hearing you scream. But you haven't begged yet."

Jack didn't beg. Not once. At least not out loud. But at night, in his dreams, he did nothing but plead.

_A hand in mine, soft but firm, squeezing as we approach the point of no return. You looked at me and nodded. I immediately knew what you meant._

"_Yeah, me too" I whispered softly, barely audible to anyone else._

"_I'm falling for you," he said. __"I can't help it."_

"_Well then," I added. "Lets fall together."_

"_Down the rabbit hole."_

_I jumped and you followed, our fingers still entwined. _

Jack woke up in tears. The memory of his lover still taunting him.

"Ianto," he breathed. "Please. Come back to me."

It was about 2 weeks ago, a date he could not remember because he had lost track of how many days or nights he had spent in this room. It reeked of sweat, rotten food and something he did not want to think about. The whole air of the place looked, smelled and oozed death. Captain Jack Harkness equaled death. He had been down here ever since the beginning so it had become his room. Funnily enough, it was not the worst place he'd slept in. It wasn't the room that bothered him. It was the endless taunting and torture that brought him to his knees every night.

But then he came. Ianto came to his rescue. In some miraculous way, Ianto found his way into the Valliant, infiltrated the system and worked out where Jack was being held hostage. One night, someone shook Jack awake. When he opened his eyes, he stared into Ianto's perfect blue eyes.

For a moment Jack wondered if he was dreaming, if this was just a mirage triggered by guilt and desire. But he was really there and suddenly his lips were on Jacks. They felt warm, comforting and very right.

Jack grinned. "I knew you would come."

"Did you know?" Ianto replied with a sore voice.

"Yes. Because that's you. No matter what, you'll always come looking for me. You'll fight for me. Just as much as I would fight for you."

Ianto smiled, his first in a very long time. "Jack … we need to get out of here. I don't know how much longer I can keep my cover."

"Let's roll." Jack said. He jumped up, removed the shackles with Ianto's help, straightened out his hair and smiled. Within two minutes he was the Captain again, all charms and smiles, as if nothing ever happened.

They made it outside. By a miracle. But their getaway chopper, flown by Owen, was gunned down. So that left Jack and Ianto without a way out.

They stood on the platform on the outer deck of the Valiant. If they didn't know better, it would look like they were on the most magnificent observation deck on some sort of unknown planet. But they weren't. They both knew they were on the Valiant and they both knew what was coming.

Quickly they found themselves surrounded by armed men and a cackling voice. No way out.

"Jack."

"Ianto you need to get out of here."

"There's nothing we can do."

"Ianto, you NEED to get out of here. Even if they take you prisoner, they'd just …"

"Torture me. And eventually kill me."

"I won't let them." Jack resisted.

The cackling voice came closer and the more threatening.

"This is it." Ianto said.

"No." Jack shouted.

"It's okay. I knew there was a small chance this would work."

"Then why on earth did you come?!"

"I'd always come for you. I'd always do my best to save you." Ianto said sheepily, hastily avoiding Jack's eyes.

"Even if it means getting killed!"

"Always. No regrets. You taught me that."

"You idiot." Jack spat out with tears in his eyes. "You beautiful perfect idiot."

"But I choose how I want to go out." Ianto said seriously.

"What do you …"

Before he knew what happened, he was dragged outside into the icy cold air. Ianto ran and Jack was quickly behind him. "What are you doing Yan."

"Taking matters into my own hands."

He stopped at the near edge of the ship. "You want to jump." Jack stuttered. "No."

"Quick and painless. I'd be dead before I hit the ground. If I go in there, it won't be pretty."

"I don't like this." Jack said. "I really don't like that."

"What other choice do I have?"

"I don't want to leave you." Jack cried.

"Then don't. Jump with me. You can survive anything."

"Ianto …"

"This is what I came here for. To free you."

"I'll be caught within hours." Jack said. "But I won't leave you."

He grabbed his hand forcefully and kissed his knuckles. In the distance the army was closing in on them. But in that moment, nothing else existed but Jack and Ianto.

_A hand in mine, soft but firm, squeezing as we approach the point of no return. You looked at me and nodded. I immediately knew what you meant._

"_Yeah, me too" I whispered softly, barely audible to anyone else._

"_I'm falling for you," he said. __"I can't help it."_

"_Well then," I added. "Lets fall together."_

"_Down the rabbit hole."_

_I jumped and you followed, our fingers still entwined. _

Jack was right. They caught him a few hours later. But at least he knew that Ianto Jones had come for him. At least he knew Ianto Jones loved him.

Months later he stood across from Ianto. Jack's heart was racing. He could not believe the miracle that had happened. He was within two feet of his beautiful, perfect and oh so very much alive Ianto.

"Are you going back to him?" he asked with those typical Welsh vowels.

"I came back for you." Jack replied.

And he meant every word.


	78. Chapter 78: What I like about you

**What I like about you**

Ianto coughed and wheezed as he made his way through the Hub.

He tiredly rubbed his eyes and willed this day to pass quickly. It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong, went wrong … and then some.

On top of a dreadful day he was coming down with something and judging by his aching joints, it was the flu – hopefully the earthly kind and not the alien one. He did not feel like going through that again.

Another cough, another terrible wheezing sound as he breathed out. He groaned as the pounding headache became worse. The sharp lighting of the Hub did not make it any better.

"Ianto!"

The archivist Immediately straightened his back and firmly pushed away the lingering urge to sleep forever to the back of his mind. He turned around to the source of the voice that called out to him.

He smiled as the source was quickly discovered. Jack sat on the couch, legs on the table and with a heavy plate of leftover curry on his lap. He smiled at Ianto and beckoned him over. "Come sit with me, you´ve been working all day. Haven't even spoken to you."

"Well," Ianto muttered under his breath. "Someone´s got to do some work."

"I heard that!" Jack retorted, slightly annoyed but even more amused.

Ianto gave him a weak smile as he sat beside him, his head resting on Jack´s stretched arm. He closed his eyes and let Jack do his magic. He didn't know why but Jack always seem to make things better. Whether it's the world ending apocalypse or even the smallest of headaches. He wondered if it was everyone … or just him that felt this way about him.

Suddenly Ianto felt two hot lips on his, an invite to a wonderful kiss. He sighed as they parted and when he closed his eyes he saw two blue ponds staring back at him and that same charming and enticing smile he knew so well.

"I've been waiting all day to do that."

"Did you now?" Ianto replied with a wicked smile. "What's stopped you?"

Jack gave him a mock-surprise look and poked him in the ribs. "I was WORKING, Mister Jones!"

"Of course you were, sir!"

Jack stroke Ianto's hair softly and it didn't take long for Ianto to drift off for a few minutes.

"You feel bit hot." Jack lowly said.

Ianto didn't hear as he slowly but surely falling asleep. That was until a low chuckling sound pierced through his ears.

His eyes shot open and there was the same Jack, pissing himself from laughter.

"What?!" Ianto exclaimed. "What's so funny?"

"You are. You talk in your sleep. I've noticed before but I could never tell what you were saying before."

"What did I say?" Ianto nervously asked. He dreaded the thought that he might have revealed something personal in his sleep!

"Oh don't worry! Your secret is safe with me."

"But … "

"Hush Angel."

"You've never called me that before." Ianto said, that sly smile on his lips again. He could not help it. Jack wasn't one to be overly affectionate so when he did, it always amused him.

"I quite like it," Jack replied with a dopey grin. "It suits you."

Ianto scoffed. "Oh I don't know. I'm no angel."

"Ha! I know!" the Captain laughed. "But you are my angel nonetheless."

As a response, Ianto kissed Jack's jawline and ended with snogging Jack senseless. "Hmmm," Jack murmured. "I should call you that more often."

"As long as you mean it." There was a slight seriousness in Ianto's voice but it was covered up by the light and airy tone in which he spoke.

However, it did not escape Jack's attention that the conversation had gone into a deeper level – and a far more personal one.

"Of course I mean it. If you haven't figured it out yet, Jones. I. Like. You." Jack punctuated every syllable with a kiss.

"Oh yeah?" Ianto stammered. He cursed internally as he felt that familiar heat on his face. "What do you like about me?"

"Lots." Jack replied. He gently put the now empty plate back on the table and made himself comfortable next to Ianto, one arm around his lover's shoulders and the other hand played softly with the sensitive skin of the wrist and hand. "I like your amazing blue eyes, your button nose and your hot mouth. I like your neck and I love kissing it. I love your cute muffin top belly …" Jack trailed a few kisses along side of Ianto's jawline and he gave his ear a little lick. "I like your hard cock touching mine."

Ianto laughed. Not loudly – that wasn't his thing – but loud enough that Jack could hear it and feel it.

"And that sound. I like that sound. " Jack continued. "But mostly I like you. Your soul and mind."

Ianto nuzzled into Jack's neck, secretly deliriously happy.

"And you, Ianto Jones, what do you like about me?"

Ianto paused for a moment, thinking of the right words. He realized that there weren't any right words that could describe this feeling inside his gut. Something so deep, so feral and so very unadulterated. But at the same time, he wasn't one to openly talk about his feelings. But at that moment, as he lay comfortably in Jack's protective embrace, the fear of rejection was nothing but a mere shadow. "I like the way you make me feel about myself."

"What's that then?"

"Like …" Ianto was searching for words again. "Like I'm not a sack of shit you can cast aside."

"You're not."

"Like," Ianto stammered. "Like I matter."

"Ianto, you do matter."

"I suppose …" he replied, deep in thought. "I like the man I become when you're around. What I like about you?" Ianto smiled. "Simply everything. From your charms, smile and eyes to your foul temper and smelly feet. I wouldn't change anything."

Jack kissed Ianto's forehead and rested his own head against it. "I thought of another thing I like about you."

"What's that then?" Ianto said, relieved he didn't just get laughed at for being so honest.

"I adore that you're an old-fashioned and hopeless romantic."

Ianto could feel him smiling against his skin, the heat just completely penetrating into his veins. "I wouldn't call myself romantic … more like a cheese ball!"

He laughed and Jack soon joined him. "But you know what, Ianto Jones, sometimes I just love a bit of cheese."

For a few minutes neither men said anything. They just listened to their breathing in unison, to the sounds of the Hub and to the sound of life just passing them by. They kissed for several more, finally enjoying themselves after a hard day of work.

"So," Ianto finally said. "What did I say in my sleep?"

Jack roared with laughter. "That you thought rabbits were evil and that Gwen was their queen!"

Ianto mouthed the word 'fuck' as Jack just kept on laughing. "Promise you won't tell her? I'll never live it down! Besides, I was dreaming! It's not like I really believe it!"

"Mum's the word." Jack replied. "But I will tell Owen you were the one that kept hiding his stethoscope! He thought he was going mental!"

"Shit."


	79. Chapter 79: The Perfect Breakfast

_The perfect breakfast_

Ianto was flying over the streets of Cardiff, loving the way the wind felt underneath his massive white angelic wings. He felt his back muscles contracts as he manipulated his wings. Up and down he went, as if he was following the rhythm of some sort of internal song. He shivered as a few drops of water hit his moonlit face.

'I must remember not to fly so closely to the clouds' he gingerly thought to himself.

Clouds … which were pink, blue and yellow. He giggled at the sight. Through the small spaces between the colorful clouds he saw a freshly born rainbow forming and much to his surprise, little creatures - he supposed they must be elves or fairies ... the real ones, not the scary fairies he's seen before – were dancing happily around the brightly colored beams. He waved at the small creatures and he was surprised to see them wave back, still happily entranced in their routines.

"Unbelievable!" he gasped with a voice that he knew belonged to him but yet sounded so foreign.

'Ianto!' he heard a familiar voice shout somewhere in the distance. Instinctively he knew that the voice belonged to Jack, his _beautiful _Jack. But he could not see the contours of his beautiful form.

"I'm coming for you!" he shouted back. In the distance he saw this bright white light. 'That must be him!' he thought. He flew faster and higher than before, reaching out his hand to that supposed man in the distance.

"Ianto!"

"I'm coming Jack!!!!" he repeated, his voice strained with urgency and his muscles burning with effort.

He was nearly there when suddenly he felt his wings disappear from his back and he plummeted ... and plummeted down back to earth. He rolled around in the sky, panicking and trying to grasp anything that might stop his certain death. Any minute now he would crash into the unyielding tarmac. He saw the ground coming closer ... and closer.

"Ianto!!" he heard Jack yell above him.

And suddenly it was all over. Bright white light behind his eyelids pierced through him, ripping his subconscious away from the warmth of adventurous dreams.

"What…" he murmured. "What's going on?"

He opened his eyes and saw the glorious image of Captain Jack Harkness, tanned and in his undies, before him in front of his window. His window with the curtains wide open. The sun shone fiercely into the room and hit his face.

'Ah, that's what the white light was …' he thought.

He had to squint because the white light was that bright. He groaned, uneasy and unhappy to have been woken up so abruptly. He pulled the warm sheets over him and wished for time to rewind - just for one hour. 'It's not time to get up. Please, one more hour' he pleaded to whatever deity that would hear his prayers.

"Ianto" Jack repeated softly, a fond smile seeping through the word. "Good morning sunshine!"

"Jaaaaack," Ianto whined. "This is NOT a nice way to wake up. You cannot just pull open the curtains on a sleeping person! It's just _inhumane_."

"I know it's annoying but in my defense ... I was calling your name for ages and you still wouldn't budge. You could sleep through a nuclear attack if I let you."

"Lies," Ianto said from under the blankets. "Utter bollocks!"

He felt the bed dip beside him and secretly smiled at how ridiculously domestic this situation was. Not in a million of years did he think he'd end up like this again. But suddenly an icy pair of feet touched his warm legs. He squealed - in a way that completely emasculated him - and retreated further into his warm bed, pushing away a very solid mass that he knew was Jack Harkness. "Popsicle-feet!!!!! Argh, besides I have to be able to sleep through most noises with you in my bed!"

Jack huffed. "What do you mean?!" he exclaimed in a voice that was far higher than his normal voice. He winced. Ianto always made him go 'up there' with his comments. "Are you suggesting that ... I snore?"

Ianto giggled, his head still safely tucked in the nice darkness underneath the thick blanket. "Jack, noises come out of every orifice when you sleep. But shhhhhh, sleepy time now."

"No sleepy time!" Jack retorted, stubbornly ignoring the previous statement. "Wakey wakey time!"

"NO!" Ianto childishly resisted. Feeling a bit silly for persisting this, he added: "Just give me a few minutes. I'll be out. It was a long night yesterday."

He felt Jack kiss the top of his head over the blankets. "Tell you what ... I'll go make some coffee and wake you up again in 15 minutes. Does that sound fair?"

Ianto nodded but the sound of footsteps suggested that Jack was already exiting the bedroom, putting a stop to any discussion that might arise. He forfeited the fight, knowing that despite his deep wishes he had to get up. It was morning and time to get up. Even if he was still tired from the previous night.

'But at least I got an extra 15 minutes!' he smugly thought.

As promised, exactly 15 minutes later Ianto heard footsteps coming into his room again. He attentively listened because there were others sensations that he had not expected like the clinging of china and the smell of toast. He smiled and peeked one eye out of the blanket.

His gorgeous lover stood by the side of his bed carrying a platter with breakfast. Two cups of steaming hot coffee, a pile of toast, a jar of marmelade, a jar of nutella, butter and a bowl with a variety of berries, grapes and pine apple.

The smile that shone from Ianto's face was bright enough to lit the entire room and Jack fondly smiled back at him. He gently placed the platter on the bed and sat beside it. He fed Ianto a strawberry and kissed the top of his head - properly this time.

"Is this a better way to wake up?" Jack asked with a smile - already knowing what answer he was going to get.

"Loads better," Ianto replied. "But not quite perfect."

"Oh?" Jack said, frowning as he thought of what he might have missed. He looked at Ianto but his face gave nothing away. He just saw his young lover laying on his side with a radiant smile on his face - radiant and yet a bit smug.

Ianto leant in and kissed Jack on the lips, softly and tenderly. "There, now it's perfect." he whispered.

Jack smiled and uncharacteristically blushed, feeling caught off guard. Ianto always surprised him, sometimes good and sometimes bad. And sometimes he could be just so romantic.  
But he liked that about the man. He was always used to being Mister Tough, the man who shed blood but no tears. With Ianto he could be anyone and anything he could be. He knew that Ianto would accept him as he was. Wether if he was sobbing like a child or acting like a complete loon.

Returning the kiss, Jack fingered Ianto's cheek and ear. "Let's enjoy my efforts, shall we? You romantic fool!" he softly said as they broke apart. His eyes twinkled, revealing just how much he enjoyed indulging with Ianto.

They both wolfed down the hardy breakfast with vigor. Suddenly Ianto crinkled his nose. "Jack, what is that smell?"

"hmmm?" Jack answered, deep in thought. "Oh yeah ... I sort of burnt your toaster."

"You mean you burnt some toast?"

"No ... toaster. It caught fire. Sorry." Jack smiled unapologetic, completely disregarding the fact that he had just apologized!

"What?" Ianto asked incredulous. " How does that even happen?"

"I was getting the paperby the front door ... which also burst into flames. The paper, not the door."

Ianto's eyes widened. "Again I ask ... how does a paper instantly combust into flames?"

"I tried to put out the burning toaster with the paper." Jack merely said, shrugging.

"That's not very smart."

"I was sleepy!" Jack replied, indignant with his voice back 'up there'. "Besides, it's your fault!!"

"HOW is it my fault?"

"You're the one who was still sleeping!"

Ianto burst out in laughter. Jack eyed him up, looking at him as if the other man had gone insane.

"Oh Jack! Only you can make toast and actually destroy the toaster!"

Jack joined him. "True. It takes a special kind of man to mess up that badly."

"What time is it?" Ianto asked as he wiped tears from his eyes.

"Seven thirty-ish." Jack replied.

Ianto groaned. "'It's so early. What time are the others coming in?"

"At around eleven ..." Jack let the words fade for a minute before locking eyes with Ianto.

"That means we've got over 2 hours before we need to be in."

"Yup,"Jack said, with that suggestive smile on his lips. "Two hours to do whatever we want. However will we pass the time …"

Jack kissed Ianto luxuriously, as if they hadn't snogged for eternity. As they broke apart, the suggestive grin had turned into a smoldering glance with red and swollen lips that just beckoned to be kissed.

Ianto smiled. "Perfect breakfast."


	80. Chapter 80: Fix This Broken Heart

_Fix this broken heart_

Ianto was working at his desk, silently. He'd been _quiet _all day. Nothing out of the ordinary to most observers because the young barista was known for his silences. But today … he seemed nearly invisible. Just like when he hid secrets from his friends. Before the betrayal. Before Her.

Jack was the first, and only, to notice that these silences were out of the ordinary. He'd grown accustomed to Ianto's doings, routines and quirks. He could tell when the silences meant he was concentrating and when they meant he was hurting.

Today, Jack figured, Ianto Jones was hurting.

Behind his desk Ianto was typing away at his keyboard. The tapping of the keys were fast and unnerving, as if he were trying to work as fast as possible to numb whatever pain he was hiding.

Jack entered the main area of the Hub in his usual Harkness way – meaning he was loud and dramatic. He balanced 3 boxes of pizza, drinks and 3 little pots on his hands, not even tripping over a step.

Ianto ignored him, not wanting to draw any attention on him. He should've known however that ignoring Jack was a definite way to get his attention. A simple 'hello' would have saved him the conversation that were to follow. But then again, maybe it's a good thing that he didn't say anything at all.

Jack coughed in a way that was nearly a sign of mocking. "Care to join me?"

"Not really hungry." Ianto answered, not even looking back at Jack.

"It's pizza, I got you your favourite."

Ianto merely dismissed him with a shrug of his hand. Jack rolled his eyes in a way that would've made his lover proud.

Suddenly a chair was placed next to Ianto and Jack sat down, feet up on the table – a clear sign that Ianto needed to stop working and pay attention to him.

"So," Jack started. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Erm … just a rough day."

Jack sighed dramatically and crossed his arms over his chest. It was a clear sign – 'you're going to tell me what's wrong and you're going to do it NOW'.

Ianto looked at him – for the first time today. The eye contact made him realise that above all, Jack was worried. About him. The thought alone made his heart burst in joy.

"You've been quiet all day. Even more so than usual. Now spill."

Ianto nodded – a sign of defeat or acceptance. "Remember Stacey? My best friend of high school?"

"Yeah," Jack replied. "What about her?"

"She's sick, Jack." Ianto mournfully said. "Gravely ill. Cancer … they don't know …" his voice faded as his breath hitched.

"And you'd figure you'd help her by starving yourself?" Jack asked, deadpanned.

Ianto looked confused at him. He shook his head and mouthed 'what?'

With a kind smile, Jack pressed his lips on his lover's forehead, a gesture he always did when he found Ianto to be sad. "You haven't eaten all day. Come on to the couch," he whispered. With a more delighted tone he added: "I've got noms!"

Ianto smiled but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out his heart wasn't quite in it. He followed Jack to the couch and sat down comfortably, his head back and eyes closed.

"I've got pizza … vegetarian with a shitload of cheese – just the way you like it. Also orange juice and a bowl of salad and greens for all those vitamins you're obviously missing." He looked beside him to Ianto – still in a sleeping trance. "I've seen ghosts with more colour than you."

When it became clear to Jack that Ianto wasn't having any of it, he sighed again, pulled Ianto to him and embraced him. As if on instinct Ianto tucked his head in the nook of Jack's neck, resting peacefully and taking in that overpowering scent of Jack.

"I'm sorry Sunshine," Jack whispered. "I wish I could fix this."

"It's not enough to save the world on a daily basis, you have to cure cancer as well?" Jack could feel Ianto smiling against the skin of his neck.

"Well," Jack replied. "It would be cool though."

Ianto lifted his head up and kissed him, longingly and luxuriously. As they broke a part, he gave Jack one last peck. "You may not be able to fix her but you are doing a damned good job at fixing my broken heart."

Jack beamed, a smile erupting that could've lit the entire room. "Yeah? I'm doing good?"

"Very good." Ianto murmured back.

"Good. Eat your pizza, greens and drink your juice. Get to it. I need you smiling _and _healthy."


	81. Chapter 81: An Alluring Song

_An alluring song _

It seemed like an ordinary Saturday night out. The crowd inside this little jazz club were actively talking in anticipation of the upcoming event. Little groups of people huddled around the small wobbly tables, their faces illuminated by sole candles brightly fluttering in their midst. The mood of the club was tranquil and cheerful as conversation drifted from one subject to another on the notes of melancholic but yet cheerful jazz music.

Clouds of smoke clung to the air, the music was loud enough for all to hear but not overpowering the conversations and there was a sense of excitement, tangible and hot, floating around the room. The event of the evening was a charity gathering to raise funds for Ty Hafen, a hospice in the middle of Cardiff that takes care of disabled children. It's a noble cause and in order to raise as much money as they could there were a lot of initiatives: appearances from local celebrities, charity date auction, a prize raffles and tonight would even signal the start of a sponsored marathon.

Little did anyone know that the Torchwood team was present in their midst. Not out of the goodness of their hearts but because their highly technical machines had picked up weird readings. Their presence however was hidden. No one would've suspected anything was wrong or that any special agents were present. To the untrained eye they were just ordinary people having a good night out.

At the bar a tall, broad and handsome man, dressed in what seemed to be odd clothing but for some reason the outfit suited him right, waited for the arrival of his scotch on the rocks. He impatiently tapped his fingers on the counter as he lazily observed the bartender. Next to him sat a smaller and more delicate man. He looked around the room and spotted a few possible foes – and of course a few candidates he could pick up after the foes were apprehended.

"There's a woman on the right, second table from Tosh's" Owen said to Jack, "She seems suspicious."

Jack nonchalantly looked over his shoulder - as if he was checking out the room – and spotted his friend Toshiko sitting at a nearby table, reading a book and seemingly enjoying her glass of red wine. He looked further and noticed the woman. "Well spotted, young padawan."

Owen arched his eyebrows in question. "A Star Wars reference? Really, Jack?" He shook his head in amusement – or disbelief. "You've been spending too much time with Ianto."

Jack grimaced. "They're not bad movies." The Captain replied. "Not an accurate representation of any planet I know of but fun to watch. Besides, I never tire of saying that I watched Liam Neeson play with his lightsaber."

"Jack …." Owen started, in vain because the Captain had left the spot next to him in favour of sitting at Tosh's table.

He walked – or rather strolled - over to Tosh and swiftly sat down at the table with all the elegance and suave that can only seem to fit a 1940's gentleman. As he crossed the room all eyes immediately switched to him, whether they belonged to a female or male, straight or gay.

"You're being noticed," Toshiko remarked. "Very noticed."

Jack shrugged it off. "Someone's always looking," He said. "And with a face like this…" He pointed at his spotless features "Who can blame them?"

Toshiko would've rolled her eyes but the radiant smile Jack was giving her made it difficult for her to do anything but smile with him. 'He's right,' She thought. 'If I didn't know him I would notice him. If it weren't for the stature of his body, I certainly would've noticed the outfit. It just seems so very out of this place.' She looked at him for a minute and secretly smirked. 'I wouldn't want to see him in anything else. It's very him. Also … he's not exactly a troll. On the contrary …'

She pushed that thought to the back of her mind – surely she couldn't think those certain thoughts about her boss, even if he was _that _handsome. It just wasn't appropriate. She was a professional, for crying out loud! In the back of her mind she wondered what it must be like to be noticed like that. Not only noticed, but just revered by most people in the room.

"Seen anyone suspicious?"

Jack nodded curtly. "That woman two tables behind you, dressed in black. And you, any luck?"

"Man, early 30's at the bar, woman, dressed in red near the stage and that girl sitting alone three tables behind you. You might know that one" Toshiko added, her smile twinkling.

Jack dared to peek at the girl and as he locked eyes with a familiar face, his heart skipped a beat. "Eleanor" He gasped.

"Yep. Wonder what she's doing here."

"She might be undercover. Better not give her away. You never know who's lurking," Jack said grimly.

"Good" Tosh said.

Jack frowned as he wiped drops of Scotch off his chin. "What is?"

"We still count her as one of the good guys."

"I'm sure she had her reasons for leaving without a word" Jack hurried to say.

"I think so too," Tosh replied. "After all, you did."

A flash of hurt hit Jack's gut as he heard the words. Months later and he still sometimes noticed that the team had not completely forgiven him. 'If only they knew the truth …' He grimly thought. "I better make the rounds," Jack said glumly. "Keep your eyes open."

He got up and walked around the place, greeting people as he went along, occasionally making small talk to whoever had tried to hit on him. Much to his amusement, he was doing great that evening. Only an hour in the pub and he had already gathered 5 phone numbers and 3 promises of a sexy rendezvous. A few caught his fancy, with some he flirted and others he made sure to remember their names and faces.

Getting to his destination, he acted as if he found his prey. In this case his prey was a very nauseated looking Gwen Cooper. He got close to her, stroked her arm and whispered something in her ear – as if he was about to make an indecent proposal that only the pair should hear. The reality however was very different.

"Still feel like you're about to lose your lunch?" Jack snickered.

Gwen grinned, the gap between her teeth adorably visible. "Oh yes. I will hurt Ianto badly if he suggests to order the French cheese plate again. That fucking fromage!"

A laugh escaped Jack. "I'll be sure to mention it. Seen anything that's off? Besides the cheese, of course."

"Not really. But then again, how do you separate aliens from the nutters of Cardiff?"

Jack nodded as if he was saying 'fair point'. In the periphery of his vision he saw a man walk in. He wouldn't have noticed unless he hadn't been explicitly been looking for him. Tall, dark, handsome and sharply dressed man walked into the bar, unnoticed, and sat down next to Owen.

"Oh right," Gwen said. "I was wondering why you were suddenly so distracted."

"Hmm?" Jack murmured, his eyes still on Ianto. "What did you say?"

Gwen laughed, louder this time. She nodded towards the boys and said 'go on, go to them'.

Jack took the cue and left, only to be stopped in the middle of the room by a gorgeous woman; blond, big boobs and a broad smile. He talked to her for a few minutes and found her completely charming. She leant in and slipped her phone number in his hand, which he gratefully accepted. He smiled and, as he turned, he felt a slender hand pinch his bottom. Internally he roared with laughter. 'Jacky boy, you may have found your match.'

Owen grinned at the bar. "I see you've been busy."

Ianto shot him a bleak look but it quickly faded into resentment and sadly, into acceptance.

"She is something," Jack cheerfully said. "Charming; funny and utterly breathtaking gorgeous. What more could a man want?"

He looked around the room and observed his various 'possibilities'. He eyed them up from head to toe and rated them. "Not a bad night," he said, nothing short of egotistical pride.

Then he looked to his side and saw Ianto. His grin split in two and his smile was glowing.

Jack's eyes never left him until Ianto responded with an embarrassed 'What? Do I have something on my face?'

Jack laughed, a sound that pierced through Ianto's aroused body. "Nope, nothing on your face. I just figured out who I want to go home with tonight."

"Oh," Ianto said disappointed. When Jack's eyes still didn't leave him, Ianto understood. "Oh!" he repeated. Ianto returned the smile with vigour and blushed heavily. He couldn't believe – or rather understand – why Jack would choose him over all those beautiful people that had been propositioning him all night. After all, he was just Ianto Jones, Mister Ordinary.

Suddenly the lights of the room turned bright and dimmed again, a clear sign that the event was about to begin.

The charming man stood in front centre and spoke about the charity, explaining what they did, why and how. The words washed over the crowd but the Torchwood team were on red alert. Somewhere in the room was a dangerous criminal; possibly alien, and they had to apprehend it before chaos broke out.

Much to their surprise the charming man introduced someone from the crowd as a 'special member of their team'. They were surprised because it was none other than the girl Jack and Toshiko had noticed. A girl quite extraordinary named Eleanor.

She gracefully stood up from her chair and walked onto the stage. For someone of her height – she was quite slender and small – she took up all attention towards her. It wasn't so much her beauty – because she was beautiful; long black hair with dark eyes that looked into your soul, porcelain skin and ruby red lips and an elegance that not a lot of other females possessed – but more the way she spoke, an unusual lilt that resembled an whispered rhythm in the wind.

The team of course knew the truth behind her enchanting persona – she wasn't human. She looked, spoke and acted human but she wasn't. She came from a planet called Venuvia, her home so far from earth. Even though she resembled a human in every way, she was very unearthly. For example she had some sort of telepathic ability, she could sense everyone's emotions as if they were her own and she could very well manipulate the elements: fire, water, earth and air bent to her will. Besides those traits, she was also intelligent, knew about all sort of alien life and was a highly skilled warrior in combat.

She looked and acted like a princess – and Jack even mused that she actually _was _one – but it would serve you well not to cross her. She could be as kind as the most famous Samaritan but as deadly as the most renowned soldiers.

She quickly charmed the audience, judging by the way they laughed and cheered at the right moments. She started off the charity fundraiser by introducing the first event of the evening: the bachelor date auction. The first gentlemen come on stage and soon the bidding began.

Owen and Ianto stared at her, open-mouthed and dumbstruck. "What on earth is she doing here?" Ianto hissed, his Welsh accent heavy in the words.

"I don't know," Jack truthfully said. "Maybe she decided that alien hunting wasn't her thing?"

"She IS an alien!" Owen laughed. "So she's not here on your orders?" he added more seriously.

"No," Jack quickly replied. "I haven't seen her since she left us."

"Without a word." Ianto spat out. "I wonder who taught her that."

Six words, one flash of guilt in Jack's eyes. The others might have been more flexible and easier to forgive him but Ianto was a tough cookie to crack. Then again, it's one thing to be left behind by your friend but another to be abandoned by the one you share your bed with. The younger man didn't often comment on it because he knew Jack had good reasons to leave but sometimes – more when he was upset than not – certain comments slipped out and betrayed exactly how much hurt he was hiding.

"The next eligible bachelor is one of my personal friends," Eleanor said. "He is kind, smart, well organised, a bit shy, sweet and he can make you a nearly orgasmic cup of coffee." She paused and smiled, one that revealed just how naughty she could be.

On the other side of the pub, three men looked at her in shock. The man in the middle swallowed hard. " You don't think she means …"

"And I must add … he is not bad to look at either! Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to Ianto Jones!"

Jack gasped, Ianto's knees buckled and Owen burst out in laughter. A moment went by when Ianto stood frozen on the spot with a bright light illuminating his entire stature. Beside him, Owen was still laughing and Jack gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "Go with it," he whispered. "We'll outbid everyone else but try to find out what she's up to. She trusts you, remember?"

When Ianto still didn't move – awkward seconds going by as if they were hours – Jack pushed Ianto forwards and the petrified man started walking.

"Eleanor," Jack cursed. "You better know what you're doing."

"Do you …" Owen tried to say in gasps, trying to recover from his laughing fit. "Do you think he'll be okay on stage like that?"

"What do you think?" Jack snapped. "You know he's not a very good public speaker. And he hates getting all the attention."

"Here he is, ladies and gentlemen!" Eleanor spoke. "And boy does he not look ravishing in that gorgeous suit!"

Ianto smiled through gritted teeth. He knew she could feel his emotions so he made sure he was extra furious. "What are you doing?" he murmured.

"Stay calm." She projected into his mind. "Sorry and …"

"And what?" he angrily thought back.

"You really do look good."

She gave him a heartfelt smile and it took Ianto all the strength he had not to return it. They used to be friends, despite the ups and downs, but since she left he had resented her for doing so. He also wondered what she was about. There were far too many secrets and mysteries surrounding her and Ianto did not like it one bit. He trusted her because Jack did, but now even that wasn't strong enough to convince him of her loyalty. After all, he had personal experience at single-handily deceiving the team and he knew she was smart and charming enough to fool them if she really wanted to.

"What are you up to Eleanor?" Ianto asked whilst he offered a fake smile to the crowd.

"Later!" she hissed.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Shall we start the auction? What is your opening bid?"

"Twenty pounds!" an elderly lady in the front said.

"Forty!" a young lady countered. Ianto heaved a sigh of relief as he noticed that Gwen had outbid the grandma.

"Seventy!" someone in the back said.

"One hundred pounds!" a familiar voice said. Ianto smiled. 'Jack'

"Two hundred pounds!" a trampy woman in the back shouted.

Eleanor and Ianto stood gingerly up front, not having expected such high numbers for one date.

"Five thousand pounds," a lady in the middle said. "Cash." She stood up and commanded all attention. She was tall, had pitch black hair and wore a tight red dress. She was a stunner and judging by the way she undressed Ianto with her eyes, she had her mind set on the coffee boy.

The audience went silent, expect for the whispers that quickly erupted.

The lady looked around and shrugged. "I was going to spend the money anyway on various projects so why not have some fun with it?"

A few people laughed, others looked appalled. In the back of the pub, Jack cursed. "That's the woman you picked out. Five grand is FAR too much for a date."

"Yeah," Owen said, his voice thick with worry. "What's she up to? And I wouldn't repeat that to Ianto."

"Well … what a generous offer." Eleanor said. "Any more? Going once, twice … twice and a half? Are you sure there are no higher bids?"

She looked around the room and locked eyes with Jack. The Captain could feel her pushing in his mind. He send out one clear message. "You made the problem, you clean it up."

She sighed and her smile faltered – for one second. "And sold for five grand to the lady in red."

The charming man from before took over from her and announced the end of charity date auction. Consequently Ianto took the hand of the eager lady and started chatting to her, all the while keeping his eyes on the various members of the team. He felt safe in the pub because he knew that if there was trouble, there were four others who would intervene. But the lady quickly made it clear that she had no intention on staying.

Ianto blushed at her advances – he was never good at talking to beautiful women. Hell, he was never good at plain _talking. _He felt a gentle hand on his back and a soft voice he knew too well whispered in his ear. "The kids are very grateful, _I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure that they will be taken care off._" She made sure to annunciate the last sentences, to get the message across to Ianto. She met his eyes and whispered softly into his soul. 'I've got your back'

He sighed – out of relief or despair he did not know yet. 'At least she has a plan. Now I just hope that she knows what she's doing.'

Eleanor shook the woman's hand and excused herself. She quickly walked out of the pub but not before speaking to Jack with her telepathic abilities. 'Outside. Too dangerous to talk inside.'

Jack followed her to the dingy alley after a few minutes to make sure no one was following them. The door creaked open ominously. The alley was dark, cold and eerily silent.

In the distance a figure, surrounded by a faint eerie light, grabbed his attention. He instinctively knew it was Eleanor. Jack checked for other people in the alley but didn't find anyone. The only other living creatures were stray cats feeding off the next door's restaurant's leftovers.

"What are you up to?" Jack hissed, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

"Why didn't you outbid her!" she hissed back as sharply as he did. "You were SUPPOSE to outbid her!"

"How one earth should I have known?"

"Common sense, Captain!"

"Common sense? We don't see you for weeks and now you're asking me to figure out what you're little plan is? Are you crazy? How on earth do you dare even intervene in an ongoing investigation?"

"It's the same investigation. I've heard rumours and then I saw you guys. There's no way it was acoincidence."

"And why should I trust you?" Jack calmly replied.

Her eyes snapped open into saucers. "What do you mean? Don't you trust me?"

Jack knew he had hit a sore spot. No matter what she had done, she had always done it in order to gain his trust. He knew she wouldn't double cross him but out of pure lust for revenge, he played the trust card.

"Why should I? You left without saying something."

"I had to leave," she grimly said. "I'm sorry but I had to leave in order to protect you, all of you."

"Protect us from what?" Jack asked. He was starting to worry.

"Bounty hunters. Somehow word got out that I'm on Earth. And they want me – dead or alive. At all costs. If I hadn't left, I would've taken Torchwood down with me."

"So you chose to leave the one thing that could protect you," Jack rolled his eyes. "How very _noble _of you. Noble and stupid. Why didn't you trust me with this? I would've kept you safe."

"Because it's not your burden to carry. And remember what I told you … there are some things that are more important than me … Torchwood and you are but a few of those things."

"Eleanor …" Jack started but the girl cut him off. He grinned for a second. She came nearly up to his shoulder and was so petite that he was sure she would snap if he hugged her too tightly. But she could glare at him for one second and he'd take a few steps back. She could also shut him up in a few words. In her he saw … maybe not an equal but certainly a worthy contender. It also didn't serve him well to get him kicked off her Christmas list. Her reputation preceded her. She still was one of the most dangerous creatures out there and Torchwood was lucky to have her on their side.

"Captain, we're losing time. Just tell the others … that … that I love them. And that I would rather stay away from them than put them in danger on my part. Even if they offered to protect me."

Jack resigned. There was no changing her mind. "Who's the woman?"

"She's Lady Aite, named after the Greek Goddess of delusion, infatuation, blind folly, recklessness and ruin. She seduces men with a song that she sings to them. In their mind. They come to her, they can't refuse her. She stirs their souls so badly that they only have one thought in their mind: her."

"Why?" Jack asked, intrigued.

"So that they surrender to her."

"Oh bit of a dominatrix then," Jack joked. A sharp glare from her stopped him from laughing. "Worse than a dominatrix?"

"Much worse, Captain." she gravely replied. "The minute the man kisses her, she …" Eleanor sighed deeply. "She sucks their passion out of their soul. She feeds off it. The men are left dry; no muse, no inspiration, no love. Nothing. They become an empty shell. Because without passion, a soul cannot be set on fire. Without passion, a soul slowly dies."

Realisation dawned on Jack and his heart skipped a beat. "She's a Succubus."

"Yeah, and a powerful one at that. I've been following her trail for a few days now. So far, she's taken four men. I couldn't stop her, she was too fast. I thought my luck had changed when I saw you guys. But OF COURSE you didn't outbid her. And now Ianto is in danger."

"So the Succubus taking Ianto wasn't a part of your plan?"

"No, my plan was for her to be attracted to Ianto. To notice him. That way she would have followed him and we could've captured her. You know I wouldn't put any of us in danger."

"But you did," Jack sharply said. "Just so you know, if something happens to him I will hold you accountable."

Eleanor swallowed. For a moment she felt intimidated by Jack. For the first time she noticed why his enemies were afraid of the mighty Captain Jack Harkness. Because in that moment, she possibly became one.

"I'm sorry, I should've informed you. What do we do now?"

"You do nothing. You step away. If bounty hunters are after you then maybe you are best forgotten. If they see you with us, they'll surely go after Ianto. Just so they have some leverage on you."

"I can't just leave him."

"You can and you will. You swore your loyalty to me, Eleanor. Now obey my command. I never have asked you to do so in the past but I insist you do now. You're a bigger threat to us than the Succubus."

She bowed her head, a sign of obedience and willingness. "I'll drop by in a few days, to see how things are going."

She turned to leave but Jack grabbed her hand. "Wait. Why Ianto? You could've sent me or Owen on the stage. But you didn't. You chose him."

"You weren't right. Neither is Owen. It needed to be him."

"Why?" Jack insisted, tightening his grip on her hand.

She took the same hand and kissed it lightly. "I needed a pure soul, someone who fears love but is desperate for it. Someone's who's open for love."

She quickly kissed his cheek, standing on her toes to reach and ran away. "Tell them I miss them!" she shouted in the darkness.

Jack touched the place where she had kissed him. He could feel the spot her lips touched him tingling – as if he was blessed by a goddess. He smiled. 'She's something alright.'

In his hand he noticed a paper with numbers on it. In big letters she had written the word 'FREQUENCY' on it. He transferred the number to his wrist strap and with ease his trusty weapon found the correct frequency. Jack beamed as he saw the name that appeared on his device. 'Location; Ianto Jones.'

"Oh you are clever," he murmured to no one in particular. He touched his Bluetooth phone set. "Team, bring the car round the back."

Gwen was the first to speak. "What are we going to do, Jack?"

"We're going to save Ianto Jones. From an evil whore. The lady that paid five grand to be with him is a succubus."

"Typical," Owen laughed. "He gets all the weird stuff. First a cybermen pet, then invisible and now a whore's little angel."

"Yeah," Toshiko sarcastically countered. "Some guys have all the luck."

The car sped through the streets of Cardiff as the team hurried to Ianto's aide. A few minutes later, the vehicle came to a screeching halt. Jack was the first out of the car. He instructed the team to lay low and wait for the right moment.

In the distance they could make out two figures, surrounded by an eerie mist and darkness. The streets were deserted and every noise resounded harshly between the spaces.

'She's singing to him,' Jack thought. 'I can hear her.' Her song was beautiful. It was filled with desire, hope, love and a desperate need for acceptance. She wanted Ianto. She needed him to want her. The lust and desire was clear in the notes, rhythm and words. It was haunting Jack. And the song wasn't even meant for him.

The closer he got, the louder her song got. He couldn't make it out if she was singing aloud or inside his mind. His thoughts were cloudy, hazy and confused. He could hear, feel and even smell her. He laughed loudly. "You know … if it's a man you want, you're better off with me."

Her song stopped and she abruptly turned on the spot. Her hand was still linked with Ianto and it didn't seem like she was going to let go any time soon. Ianto looked frightened but also aroused, a familiar blush on his cheeks.

"Oh really?" Lady Aite said. Her voice was sweet and angelic but still lust-filled. "And why would that be?"

Jack smiled – his greatest asset. She was on top game tonight but so was he. "Why bother with a puny little soldier when you can have a captain?" he offered.

He saw the hurt that flashed in Ianto's eyes but he didn't regret saying it. He'd rather have Ianto scream and shout at him for eternity than have to mourn him. "After all I do have more experience than he does. I am after all … better, more slick and I know how to treat a woman. I can guarantee you will be satisfied. I doubt your little one can even get hard after all the stuff he drank."

She eyed Jack up from head to toe, as if she was examining her next prey. "You do look rather delicious. A bit older, but delicious nonetheless. But no, thank you. I want him."

She turned to Ianto and grabbed his tie with one free hand. She pulled him closer, close enough so Ianto could feel her breath on his mouth – hot and so willing. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her. To make her feel good, to worship her. His mind was clouded, his blood rushing through his veins, his heart pumped with passion and love. He wanted to show it to her, to make her feel as good as she made him feel. All thoughts of his lover who was standing but two feet from them were gone.

Lady Aite sniffed the air around Ianto's mouth. "Hmmm he smells so ravishing. So pure, so sexy." She turned half her face so she could see Jack. "So damaged, alone and desperate. So lonely and broken hearted. Poor little fella has been hurt by love." She sniffed once more, a deep gurgling sniff. "Oh even better, he's got daddy issues as well. What's wrong baby?" she asked Ianto. "No one hugged you as a kid? And now? Does anyone love you?"

"No," Ianto mournfully said. "Could you love me? I'm not a bad person …" The voice was Ianto's but the attitude wasn't. He was far too proud to even think about talking like that. Of begging for love.

"I know baby," she sang. "I'll love you. All I need is one little kiss."

Jack panicked. He remember Eleanor's words. One kiss and Ianto will be dead. Or a fate worse than death. "I loved your song." he blurted out.

She immediately froze, like a deer caught in headlights. "You heard my song?" she snapped, curious and stunned.

"Yes," Jack replied hesitantly. "In my head when I was walking towards you. It's beautiful. Ever thought about going on 'Britain Got Talent'? Or 'Pop Idol'? I'm sure you'd get through."

"I don't participate in petty little human routines. So stupid and narrow-minded. They'd rather be blinded by pop culture with little entertainment value than deal with actual issues concerning themselves and their planet. Greedy little bastards. Want everything but give nothing. And when they have it, they'll fuck it up."

"Is that why you're so mad?" Jack asked, a light bulb in his mind shining brightly. "You loved a human but he hurt you? So now you're hurting other men as revenge?"

"We're not talking about me," Lady Aite hissed. For a second Jack saw her true appearance. Eyes bulged out of her skull, lips cracked and bleeding, her nails were long and sharp; her ribs protruded through her ribcage and her skin was nearly see-through.

He smiled. 'She's just an alien. Nothing special about her. What I'm seeing is nothing but a cloaking device. The true alien is not that enchanting' he thought.

"We're talking about Stephen here."

"Ianto" Jack replied.

"Whatever," the woman said. "What is interesting is that I sang to song to him – she pointed at Ianto who looked at her with an expression that can only be described as pure admiration - and you heard it as well."

"So?" Jack asked, nervous to where she was taking this conversation.

"Only my prey can hear my song." she explained. "And their lover."

She laughed loudly, a sound so menacing that both Jack and Ianto grimaced and shrunk back. "Oh I'm going to feast tonight. Unrequited love, so beautiful."

"It's not unrequited," Jack snapped.

"It is when his flame for you burns so brightly whilst yours is barely but a spark."

Jack cursed. He was so used to having his psychic defences up high that he never even realised that it could turn against him. She could not feel his love for Ianto – nor his fear that something might happen to him.

"Oh how this boy longs to be loved," she sang to him. "Watch me kill him, _Captain_, and know that it was all your fault. If only you had loved him more …"

She leant towards Ianto, seducing him with her big eyes as she licked her lips. She puckered up and went for the kiss.

"Ianto," Jack said. "You know I care for you. Please don't do this."

"Why shouldn't I? You fool around too!" Ianto bit back. He lowered his eyes and mournfully smiled. "I know you care. But you're the _only _one who cares. And it's just not enough. I'm not yours. Or rather you're not mine."

He looked at her as if she was the brightest star in the universe. He wanted to kiss her, needed to.

Suddenly a bang resounded through the street and Lady Aite dropped to the floor, blood gushing out of her wound. Ianto dropped to his knees in exhaustion, as if someone had finally cut through the cords that were operating his limbs from above. His mind cleared and he was no longer the puppet.

"What …" he breathed deeply. "Was that?"

Jack ran to him and helped him up. "Easy, buddy. I've got you." He smiled at Ianto, a trembling hand clutched at his heavy military coat. "She was a succubus, she wanted to … err kiss you."

"That's it?" Ianto said. "A kiss? Why the hell did you shoot her then?"

"The kiss would've been fatal," Jack stated.

"Ah," Ianto just replied, still shaking on his legs and hanging onto dear life. He shook his head and held onto Jack. "I'm going to join a convent."

At their feet, Lady Aite shrivelled to nothing. Her skin burst into flames and within seconds there was nothing left of her but ashes and dust. In the end, her lust for passion burnt too brightly.

The morning after Ianto grumpily padded barefoot to his bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and concluded that the sight looking back was a very miserable one. He had bags under his eyes, greyish skin and a generous five o'clock shadow. Suddenly he started coughing loudly and gasping in between coughs.

Jack poked his head inside the doorframe and asked him if everything was ok.

"Yeah," Ianto replied. "Fine. I just choked on my own saliva."

"Sexy," Jack remarked sarcastically.

"It's six thirty in the morning. It's impossible to be sexy at this ungodly hour. It's not like you look so fabu-"

His sentence got cut short as he looked at Jack. He leant against the doorframe, his body filling it up nicely. Barefoot, in white shorts that contrasted beautifully against his tanned skin, not a hair out of place and that characteristic gorgeous smile of his beamed brightly. He looked simply perfect.

"FML" Ianto said lowly.

"What does that mean?" Jack asked as he approached his lover. He wrapped one hand around his waist and held him closer. A small kiss on the back of his neck and Ianto was smiling, involuntarily.

"FML means fuck my life. Internet talk."

"Oh right. You're a bad influence on me." Jack said.

"ME! On you? Jack!"

"Yup, you're teaching me the nerdy ways! Last night I actually made a Star Wars reference. Owen was not impressed. You're turning me into a nerd!"

Ianto huffed. "You should be so lucky. Haven't you heard that since 'The Big Bang Theory' started a few years ago nerds are hot!"

"What are you talking about? The Big bang theory was proposed first proposed by Georges Lemaitre, a Belgian Roman Catholic priest as the origin of the universe by relying and simplifying Albert Einstein's general relativity model."

Ianto looked completely gobsmacked. He shook his head and walked back to his bedroom, mumbling 'and he calls me a nerd' under his breath. He laid down on his bed, wishing he could curl up between the sheets and sleep the day away. Or at least forget about all the things that had happened the night before.

For just a second, he had felt loved, safe and desirable. For one second, he felt what Jack felt every time he walked into a bar, or down the street. Or anywhere for that matter.

He felt the bed dip beside him and a heavy head on his shoulder but he disregarded Jack. Too deep in thought, he pondered about how life would be different if he had done certain things and hadn't others

The sound of pages being turned woke him from his train of thought and that overwhelming scent of Jack-ness immediately threw him. He looked by his side and saw his lover resting on his shoulder reading … his diary.

"Jack. If you have to read my diary would you at least have the decency to hide it from me?"

Jack frowned as he looked up. "You mind?"

"In this century there's this thing called privacy. You might have heard of it. Or maybe you haven't."

Jack just shrugged. "You tell me everything anyway, so I figured I'd save you the trouble."

"You're an asshole, sir."

Jack rolled to his side and looked at Ianto with such an adoring expression on his face. He pulled Ianto closer and whispered: "I thought you liked my asshole."

Ianto laughed and kissed him gently. "Can I ask you something? A personal question?"

"Ask you may. I'll see if I can answer."

"Have you ever been with a woman?" Ianto asked, nearly murmured out of fear of getting embarrassed.

"Yes, of course."

"Then … you're bi?"

"Yes. Not really."

Ianto looked confused.

"Bi suggests that I would only be attracted to males and females of the human species, whilst I have a … broader taste."

"You've been with aliens?" Ianto asked unbelieving.

"Yeah… more so that with humans. I've spent most of my life travelling remember? Some are fascinating, others truly beautiful … and others dog ugly but horny as hell."

"Wow," Ianto said – not so much in awe but in deep astonishment.

"There was this one alien that had a split tongue which she could move separately … very handy," Jack laughed again. "And another had tentacles that could change width … we used it for … well you get the picture."

"Yeah," Ianto admitted, blushing a little. "Just wondering … don't you find humans boring after a while?"

"Why would I?"

"Well I don't have tentacles or no two tongues …" Ianto started.

"But you have gorgeous eyes, soft lips, slender hands and an amazing ass." Jack quickly added. "And not to mention an amazing personality."

Jack sighed, lay down on his back with his hands on his head, looking up at the ceiling. "You see … it's all fun and games, meeting new aliens, finding out new ways to use body parts … but the real thrill is finding someone who you can rely on. Talk to, trust. Share a bathroom with." He looked to his side and smiled at Ianto. "Fucking doesn't mean anything. Falling in love does. And I fall in love with the person inside, not what's on the outside. The outside is what attracts me but it's not what keeps me interested. After a while … sex becomes meaningless and a person longs for something sweeter. Remember I've been on Earth a lot longer than you have. I've had wild sex, one night stands, long relationships … but nothing compares to the warmth that intimate lovers share."

"I know what you mean," Ianto quietly said.

"Remember in the bar when I stared at you and told you I had figured out who I wanted to go home with?"

"Yeah. You did mean me, right Jack?"

"Yeah, it was you. I realised something. In all the room there was no other person who I found more beautiful than you. It hit me … I'm falling for you, Ianto Jones."

"Want to hear a secret?" Ianto asked shyly. "I'm falling for you."

Jack kissed Ianto. "Sounds perfect, doesn't it." Jack smiled at Ianto. "Don't ever think you're not loved, Ianto Jones. Because you are. You'll always be loved by me."

"I know," Ianto admitted. "Time heals all wounds, I suppose. But … you do flirt a lot? And you do sleep around."

Jack shrugged. "Like I said … sex is just sex. Love is … different. You see, where I grew up, we lived under the threat of invasion. Terrible creatures. Vile beyond imagination. Every moment counted. So … we adapted. Sex became a way for us to share our love for each other. But that didn't mean that we stopped loving our partners. On the contrary. When sex is free, you don't have an obligation, no temptation to stay. If you're together with someone, it's because you want to be with that person, because you like who they are. It becomes a CHOICE to come home to them, not a means to get laid."

"Where does that leave us then?" Ianto asked quietly.

"I can't speak for your part but … I do choose to come home to you …" Jack replied, his eyes never leaving his lover's face.

Ianto blushed. "I'd chose you every day. And night."

A comfortable silence fell between them as they lay on Ianto's bed with only their hands touching. They held onto each other, with unspoken but true words lingering in the air.

"How did you know where I was?" Ianto finally asked.

"Eleanor. She planted a tracking bug on your suit. Clever girl."

"You think she'll ever come back?"

"One day, yeah. Oh and by the way, she loves you." Jack replied with a grin. "Felt bad she got you caught."

"Is she okay?" Ianto asked, a black shadow forming on his features.

"No," Jack replied earnestly. "There are some people after her." His phone rang suddenly, causing him to startle. "Speak of the devil."

"Meet me outside at the playground." a voice Jack knew said.

"BRB" the Captain said to Ianto.

"What Jack?"

"Be right back …" Jack responded with a dopey smile on his breath. His ego took a beating when he heard Ianto whisper 'nerd'.

He quickly put on his clothes and left the house. The cold autumn air hit him instantly and he shivered. There was something in the air, something dark and strange. He always got those feelings in the autumn. He preferred sunshine in the summer and definitely not gloomy evenings. He took big strong strides to the playground, a few yards from Ianto's house. It wasn't long till he spotted Eleanor on the swing sets, looking at the stars with her feet dragging in the sand.

"You're going to ruin your shoes like that," Jack said.

Eleanor jumped at first but a sunny smile erupted at seeing his face. She ran to him and hugged Jack tightly, as if she had not seen him in aeons.

Jack embraced her back, his little jewel. He held onto her for a few minutes, a lot longer than a normal hug. It did not escape him that there was a subtle scent of iron on her.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You smell like blood."

"Sorry," she replied, a little embarrassed. "I wanted to talk to you as soon as possible and haven't found the time to shower yet after … after that."

Finally he noticed blood on her sleeve. He cursed loudly. "Are you hurt? Who did this?"

"I'm fine," Eleanor hurried to say. "Fine. Bounty hunters. It's just a flesh wound."

"Ella …" Jack whined.

"I'm fine," she repeated. Her eyes told him otherwise. "Really. You should see the guys that attacked me!"

"I'm worried," Jack stated.

"Don't, Captain."

Jack huffed. "You're 19, you're just a kid. You should be going to the movies with friends and gossiping about boys like normal girls. Not getting hunted down by scum. I don't want you to get hurt."

"We both know I'm not a normal girl, Captain." She smiled at him, that same radiant smile he gave her the first time they met. "You've seen me fight. There's little that can hurt me."

"Still… you're my girl. I don't want you to be in peril."

"You're girl I'll always be … unfortunately I'm also a magnet for trouble."

Jack laughed heartily. It broke the tension in the air, for which they both were grateful.

"How is Ianto?" she asked apprehensively, as if she was afraid of the answer.

"Fine. At home watching some TV-show about geniuses that live next door to a pretty girl. Don't really know what's so funny about it."

"Good to hear. Lady Aite didn't get to him?"

"Oh she got to him," Jack replied with a worried expression on his face. "She made him believe he's not loved, not cared for." Jack snorted.

"If only he knew …" Eleanor said with a giant grin on her face. For a second she froze, her head cocked sideways and her hands on her trusty weapons. "I need to go. Get away from you."

"Ella!" Jack warned. "I can help."

"I know," she said sweetly. "But I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to any of you."

"I can't die!" Jack offered.

"I know," Eleanor replied. "But that doesn't make pain any less real."

Jack's heart burst. That small, amazing girl really cared for him. Suddenly he felt himself being embraced and a sloppy kiss was placed on his cheek. "Take care of everyone. See you soon, my Captain."

"If there's anything you need, just call!" he shouted at the disappearing figure. He just caught a little nod from her before she completely vanished into thin air.

"I wish she would let us care for her" a voice behind Jack said.

"Me too, Ianto."

"I guess all that we can do is hope she's going to be okay," Ianto said. "But it's cold, let's go home."

"Home," Jack repeated with a smile. "Yeah, home. Chocolate milk?"

"If you wish."


	82. Chapter 82: There Is Always Someone

**There Is Always Someone**

The Hub was dimly-lit, grimy and messy. It marked the end of a hard day where everyone had been extremely busy, running around like headless chickens trying to solve the latest crisis. There were pizza boxes scattered on the table in the conference room, muddy footprints all over the floor, piles of disorganised files on everyone's desks … and that was just the beginning of Ianto's 'to-do' list.

He sighed and shook his head. So much work to do and so little time to do it in. But deep inside, he didn't mind being busy. At the very least it kept him from thinking too much. Because that is one thing he's been doing too much lately. Thinking.

He thought about how dire his situation was. He thought about what he could have done differently to ensure a better result. He thought about his co-workers. He thought about _her _and _him_. He thought about what he had done, hadn't done and would do.

Owen and Gwen passed him as they cheerfully played around, not even giving him a pitiful glance. Their laughter reverberated in the giant room and somehow it pierced into his body. 'The sound of happiness. Laughter,' he thought. 'What a joke.'

Tosh cautiously handed him her empty coffee mug. "Thank you," she said. "It was lovely."

Ianto smiled in reply. "Always a pleasure."

"Stay well." she added before disappearing. Ianto knew however that she meant 'don't think about Lisa too much'. If there was someone who sometimes considered him a friend, it was Tosh. Of course that was until a certain doctor commanded her full attention. And then he was invisible again for another fortnight. Until another comment, said by whoever, that reminded everyone what exactly Ianto had done and what he had lost.

She left and he breathed a sigh of relief. Every conversation he'd had with his colleagues since his return from the suspension had been awkward. The acted coldly towards him – whether out of spite or fear he did not know - and most of the time they walked on eggshells. As if he could blow up any moment. That is when they bothered to pay attention to him. Most of his time was spent in silence. Deafening, heartbreaking silence.

He got on with his chores. Again in silence. Only the ruffling of his suit broke the stillness of the evening. The others had gone and he was alone in the Hub.

There was something strangely familiar about the moment. Just him in the Hub. Only this time he had no one to care for. His one true love, his everything, the one person he had sacrificed and jeopardized his entire future for had left this earthly world.

Sometimes he forgot Lisa was gone. He'd turn around to tell her a funny anecdote but when no one answered his call, his smile quickly falters and he'd remember: Lisa was gone.

No longer would she grace him with her presence, no longer would she smile back at him or laugh at one of his stupid jokes.

Sometimes he heard her laughing or smelled her perfume. Only to realize it was only the ghost of a memory. An intense desire so strong it nearly comes to life.

On those moments, his heart would break all over again. As if she had died that very moment all over again. And there was nothing around him to comfort him expect for the silence. But inside his mind, head and heart, he was screaming in agony.

His hand wavered as the shock hit him again. He breathed deeply to ride the waves of pain that were crashing down on him. He pinched his eyes firmly shut and held on to the counter, his knuckles turning white with effort. A small wince escaped his lips and he quickly clenched his jaw shut, as if he was terrified that every sound he made would not go unpunished.

He figured that silence may be his friend. If they didn't talk to him then he wouldn't have to notice the betrayal, the hurt and the anger on their faces. If he didn't talk to them, then he didn't have to pretend everything was just jackanory. In his opinion, it would have been hypocritical for him to show his distress. After all, they're the ones who had been betrayed by him. They had the right to be angry with him. Showing that he's grieving for the one person that tried to kill them … seemed inappropriate in his mind.

But then again on some moments, he desperately needed for someone to notice. To notice anything. Or just to put a calming hand on his shoulder and to tell him that this was all a passing phase. That this wasn't the end of the world. Because it felt like just that. On those moment he prayed for the constant numbing feeling he usually had.

"Everything okay?" someone said behind him.

Ianto startled, his breath hitching and he looked around in panic to find the source of the voice. 'Jack,' he thought. 'Not him, not now.'

"Are you okay?" Jack repeated as he suspiciously eyed his every movement.

"Yeah," Ianto replied hastily. "Just a spell of vertigo. Nothing to worry about."

Jack nodded, fully knowing Ianto was lying. For the moment, he'd let things be. "We're off to the pub, are you coming with?"

Ianto swallowed a knot that refused to go down. He could feel his palms getting sweaty and suddenly his collar felt far too tight. It was happening again: blind panic was overcoming him. "I'm going to pass tonight, if you don't mind." he quickly said, hoping to brush off Jack with the excuse.

"Actually I do mind," Jack replied. "You never go out for drinks with us after work. What's up with that?"

"I'm never invited." Ianto stubbornly countered. He tried to breath regularly but his chest was starting to hurt.

Jack smiled sadly and put a hand on his shoulder, noticing how tense Ianto all of the sudden became. "_I _am inviting you."

Turning to face Jack, Ianto's lips trembled slightly. 'Jack,' he thought. 'Please …'

He didn't know what to think. But stubbornly he ignored the fact that he was calming down, just by staring at Jack's face. "What good would it do?" Ianto stammered. "I'm not welcome. I'd only ruin the evening."

"Says who?" Jack asked, interested but with a frowning and worried look on his face.

"Says I." Ianto responded, his voice cracking. "They don't like me, sir. So it's just easier to … stay away."

With another sad smile, Jack caressed the side of Ianto's face. "It'll take time before everyone stops walking on eggshells around you. You can't expect things to go back to normal in a flash but for the time being … I like you and I wish you'd join me for a drink tonight. So please will you?"

Ianto finally gave in. He nodded. "Just for one then."

"That's all I ask."

_Later that evening …_

Ianto sat in the furthest and darkest corner he could find, on his own, cradling a glass of Scotch. He looked into his drink, wishing he could drown in the amber liquid. He sombrely eyed the room and saw his friends scattered around the room.

Gwen was talking actively to Rhys, occasionally snogging him. She seemed so happy, so very much in love. Ianto smirked. 'Oh if only sweet Rhys knew she was fucking Owen'. For a second, he was surprised at his own bitterness.

Owen was playing pool with a guy he just met. It was weird seeing the doctor so relaxed and cheerful. Ianto bit his lip. 'That's just awesome,' he thought. 'He can be friendly with a complete stranger but I get a daily bollocking.'

Jack was chatting up a girl – Ianto snorted – who had beautiful red hair, brown eyes and freckles around her nose. She flipped her hair back as Jack whispered something – probably something obscene – in her ear. Ianto shut his eyes for a second as the memories of long passionate nights with Jack came flooding in images, sounds and touches. He needed to push those back because he felt that after his betrayal, things will never be the same.

Even Tosh had found a cute boy to talk to. Ianto was glad. Of all the members, Tosh had been the nicest to him but it still stung that everyone else in the room was having a happier time than he was.

Ianto however had only found companionship in his drink – the 5th of the evening. Things were getting a bit foggier and woozy, and just that little bit more grim.

Suddenly a man sat down in the chair across from him. One smile and suddenly two glasses of Scotch appeared on the table. "Now, what is a guy like you doing hiding in a place like this?" the man said.

Ianto downed his own glass in one go and accepted the offered drink, without even so much as looking up. "Thanks," he said. "I'm just … hanging."

The man laughed. "Sounds like you've been coerced into coming here by your friends but then been dropped like a brick because they found something else that's more shiny and new."

Ianto blinked in surprise. "Wow … that's … pretty accurate to be honest."

The guy laughed sincerely. "I do that something. It's one of my … _gifts_. I'm Giacomo by the way."

He held out his hand which Ianto gratefully accepted. "Jones," he said. "Ianto Jones."

They both laughed shyly and looked away as if for one moment the tension became too much. Giacomo was a bit taller than Ianto, had a slim, a muscular figure and a warm inviting face. His eyes were a mixture of blue, grey and green and could easily capture your attention. Pink lips and dimples on his cheek complemented his gorgeous features. His face was framed by dark black hair with soft curls in them. Ianto noticed that he was fairly handsome and that many were gawking at him. He was just oblivious to the reasons why Giacomo had singled him out and not others. He wanted to say something – anything- to break the ice even further but he found his mouth suddenly cotton dry. He took a long swig of his drink but could not tear his eyes of the new man.

"So," Giacomo started. "What is it with the suit? Are those who dragged you along perhaps … your colleagues?"

"Very good," Ianto replied, half slurring his words. "Colleagues indeed."

"Ah! I am good! Suits … so you're in business!"

"Hardly," Ianto laughed. He beckoned Giacomo over and whispered in his ear. "I'm a secret agent actually. I work in an underground base here in Cardiff protecting the citizens from the world being destroyed."

The other man laughed, the very sound gently eased the heartache that stubbornly resided in Ianto's heart. He felt a warm glow wash over him, possibly from the scotch but Ianto wasn't quite ready to write Giacomo off.

"A real regular James Bond huh. Well that does explain the suit."

Ianto laughed. Jack always used to call him Bond. He shook his head to rid himself of the memory. "Yup. I don't drive the awesome Aston Martin though. My boss is a bit more stingy than M."

"The bastard," Giacomo responded. "Well, who needs the car when you can fill up a suit like that." He winked at Ianto, who immediately felt his cheeks redden.

"Yeah," he glumly blurted. The drinks had made his tongue a lot looser than normal. "Just a shame I don't have his looks, charisma, salary nor his personality. And of course I'm nowhere near as good as he is – in everything!"

Giacomo freezed and Ianto knew he's made a mistake. "Sorry," he pleaded. "I've just been drinking. A lot."

Giacomo looked at him with concern. "I don't know you that well. But if you were an actual agent, it would explain why you seem to have the world on your shoulders …"

Now it was Ianto's turn to freeze up. He swirled the liquid in his glass and seemed to be hypnotized by the calming movement. However he stayed completely mute.

"I'm sorry," Giacomo whispered. "I'm just really observant." He smiled apologetic and hoped that Ianto would forgive his indiscretion. "And you know, you got the whole drowning your sorrows with Scotch thing going on. And you don't look all too … cheerful."

Ianto looked away nervously. He was so used to being ignored that he felt awkward that Giacomo, someone he just met, could pinpoint exactly what was going. "Does anyone in a pub like this?"

Looking round the place, he noticed that indeed he was the only one wallowing. 'Blasted,' he thought. 'In any other pub in Cardiff there are always a few people getting pissed because they're miserable. The team just had to pick this one'. And at that moment, he noticed how insanely idiotic his comment was.

"Rough day." Ianto muttered. "You seem to know a lot about me … so what's your deal? A guy like you could have anyone in this room. Why are you talking to me? It's only fair to tell." Ianto cringed as he heard he was starting to slur his words.

Giacomo shifted his seat closer to the table and put his elbows on the table as he rested his head on his hands. "Good question. Why would I talk to someone who's as stunning as you?"

Ianto stammered as his face flushed. " I eugh well … ok …"

Giacomo laughed, his smile lighting up his face. "It's okay. I don't care if you're not interested in me. I just thought that you could use a compliment. It's true by the way. You are stunning. But not as stunning as you could be. Smiling does a lot for you."

"I haven't had much to smile about lately, if I'm truly honest." Ianto glumly replied. For some reason, Giacomo made him feel at ease. Maybe it was the way he listened or how he didn't seem to pay any attention to anyone else but Ianto. It was nice being talked to and more importantly that someone was listening.

"I can tell, Mister Jones. Your smile tells one story but your eyes a completely different one. What in the world has broken your heart this badly?"

Ianto bit his lip until a small droplet of blood appeared. In his mind he was wishing Giacomo to go away. But at the same time he'd wish him to be closer. He didn't know what he wanted and the drinks inside him were making him confused, even more than he usually was.

He felt that pain rise again and it was blocking him from thinking straight. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breath, to talk and to do anything. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears, a fact that Giacomo did not escape. The man looked at Ianto with concern and even apologetic dispair. "I'm sorry Ianto, I didn't mean to …"

"I need to go." Ianto suddenly said. He quickly stood up, knocking over a glass in the process and fled the pub through the back door. He saw the confused looks on the faces of the people he passed but he didn't care. It was too hot, too crowded and too … real inside the pub. He needed out. Fast. His vision was troubled and he touched the walls just to get out. He cursed himself for drinking so much and for being so honest with a complete and total stranger.

Ianto quickly found himself kneeling on the floor of the alley behind the pub, dry heaving and hyperventilating. Thoughts were whizzing through his head, his mind clouded with grief and alcohol. Thick tears rolled uncontrollably down his flushed cheeks. He couldn't believe it was happening again and in this place. The damned panic attack he had suppressed in the Hub was coming back to bite him in the ass.

He didn't even notice the hand on his back, nor the gentle arm around his waist that steadied him against the wall. Ianto was grieving, for once not in silence but out loud. A few cries escaped his lips and it shocked him. It made everything so real and so intense. He felt someone hug him, gently and sweetly placing his head on his shoulder.

"It's okay, beautiful. Drink this," Giacomo said as he hands him a bottle of water. "Take a sip, it'll help you."

The breakdown only lasted a few minutes, but Ianto already felt lighter. A few sobs came as he sipped the cool water. "I'm so sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to …"

"Not to worry," the other man kindly said. "Seems like you really needed to get that poison out of you."

"I'm just not used to crying in front of people, especially not those I've just met." Ianto replied, his voice still trembling with unspoken emotion.

"Every tear is an untold story and we cannot finish our tale without letting them be," Giacomo wisely said. With a wicked smile, he added: "And a stranger is just a friend you have yet to discover."

Ianto laughed, a sound so eerie in that foggy alley. "Why are you so nice to me? Most people don't even notice me, yet you did. Hell, most people would run away if they saw a lunatic act like me in the alley yet you're still here. No one ever bothers to come after me."

Giacomo chuckled. "Is it so weird so show compassion and kindness?"

"I wouldn't know what that is, mate." Ianto replied. He was surprised at how bitter he sounded. And apparently it affected Giacomo too, judging by the painful look on his face. "Sorry," Ianto quickly said. "I can be a bit gloomy sometimes."

"Duly noted." Giacomo winked at him. He still had his arm around his waist and for some odd reason, it felt unexpectedly soothing. "How long has it been since you lost someone?"

Ianto startled. "Whh-hh-at?" Immediately he broke free from Giacomo, standing up quickly and staring at him with panic in his eyes.

"A heartache so deep … only comes when you lose someone you care about. Judging by the intensity of your grief … only recently."

"Five months." Ianto replied. "And my whole life."

Giacomo nodded but didn't really understand. "I could tell you lost someone from the start.

That's what attracted me to you. In a room full of joy, clouded happiness and high spirits there you were, in the corner carrying the heaviest burden on your shoulders. You're heart isn't broken, it's shattered."

Ianto stared into Giacomo's eyes, unwavering and unbelieving. He could feel the tears well up again. He never knew how much words could hurt. "How could you tell? Most people don't even notice… they just assume I'm fine."

"I can tell because I recognised the signs. There's this desperate loneliness about you. It's not about feeling lonely, it's more than that. It's being alone. You must think you have no one in your life that remotely cares for you. That no one even notices you. You're invisible and broken. Hurt, damaged and worst of all, you've lost faith. In yourself, others, love and the world."

Giacomo was silent for a few second. A small smile crept on his lips as he felt Ianto's hand holding his. He looked sideways and saw Ianto just the way he was: a young man with troubles who was struggling to survive. Giacomo felt as if he was staring into a mirror. "Your pain is overwhelming and it's clearly there for those that are looking. It immediately drew me to you. One look at you and I could tell you have the world on your shoulders and a grave secret in your heart. You need people yet don't want to be near them. You're sitting in the darkest place in the room, determined not to get noticed. You crave for companionship but detest any contact. It was clear to me because I knew what you were feeling."

"Who have you lost?" Ianto asked silently. "If you don't mind me asking."

"A friend." he replied. "He got gunned down in Iraq 3 years ago."

"I'm sorry." Ianto whispered.

Giacomo nodded. "And you? What did you mean with 5 months and a whole lifetime?"

"I've lost a lot of people. My mother, father, my girlfriend and … so many friends. Both of my parents died when I was younger but 5 months ago, I was involved in … a tragedy in which a lot of people died. I lost a lot in one day."

"No wonder you're fucked up." Giacomo said. Much to his amusement, Ianto laughed heartily at his comment.

"Quite screwed up, yes." Ianto said. He paused for a moment and in a low voice, he asked: "How did you move on?"

Giacomo stared out in front of him, still sitting on the ground. A second later, he held out his hand to Ianto and pulled himself up. "I realised something that you need to know. You're not alone. There is always someone."

"It doesn't feel like there's someone."

"There is always someone." he repeated.

"I don't know. I have a sister who I know loves me. And friends. But they don't understand."

"They don't need to understand. They just need to be there. Holding your hand when it gets tough."

Ianto sniggered. "Like you? A stranger in a dark alley holding my hand through a crisis?"

"Exactly." Giacomo said. He looked down and realised that he was indeed still holding Ianto's hand. Instead of pulling away embarrassed, he decided to squash that impulse and let Ianto take the lead. When he did not pull away, he smiled graciously as he caressed Ianto's hand with his thumb. "Comfort comes in many ways and in many situations. I'm just here to remind you that we're all humans hurting because of something. And in that aspect, no one is alone. We just need to take a leap of faith and open our hearts to those who care."

Ianto sighed deeply. "I'm not so sure I know who cares. Or if they want to care."

Still holding hands, Giacomo stared at him. Even in this dingy alleyway with cats mewling in the back, he found Ianto beautiful. "There is always someone."

Ianto looked at him for a few minutes and he did not speak. He couldn't. He just stared at this strange creature in front of him and revelled in the bizarreness of the situation. An incredible stranger was trying to pick him up from the bottom of the bottle in a smelly passageway in Cardiff.

Giacomo leaned in and kissed Ianto, their lips softly caressing each other. A ghost of breath caught on their skin, sending electrical pulses through their nerves. Their mouths explored, danced and soothed each other's aches and heartbreaks. They broke apart and as Ianto smiled at the other, Giacomo placed a small kiss on Ianto's nose. "There is always someone," he repeated. "You just need to take the leap."

One little peck on his cheek and Giacomo pulled away from Ianto. Frowning at the sudden loss of contact, Ianto opened his mouth to say something when another voice interrupted him.

"Is everything okay?" Ianto turned around to see Jack standing behind him, frowning and suspiciously eyeing up Giacomo. "You left pretty abruptly and you looked upset."

"I'm fine," Ianto said with a pleasant ache in his belly. "I just needed some air. Jack, this is … Giacomo…"

The other man smiled at Jack. There was a trace of sadness and knowledge in his smile but at the same time a hint of happiness and acceptance. He curtly nodded at Jack but turned to Ianto. In his ears, Giacomo whispered once more: "There is always someone."

With one last smile and wink, Giacomo left the pair on their own and walked back into the pub. In his hand, Ianto noticed a napkin with a phone number and a message: 'Just in case'. He quickly shoved the napkin in his trousers with a shy smile.

"Who was that?" Jack asked.

Ianto secretely loved the tone of jealousy in which Jack spoke. "Just someone I met, we got to talk and we hit it off."

"I noticed." Jack replied. "You two sure did hit it off judging by that hot kiss."

"Yeah, about that …"

"Look, Ianto. I really did came out to see if you were okay. You can do whatever you want, kiss and fuck whoever you want."

"It's not like that." Ianto stammered. "He just …" Just as he was trying to come up with another lie, Ianto thought back at what Giacomo was trying to teach him. _There is always someone. _

Just as Jack was starting to leave, Ianto figured out that he was right. There has been someone from the start. Someone he's wronged badly and still even then didn't turn his back on him. Jack had shouted at him, cursed him out and made it clear that he was not happy with what he had done but he had always been there at the right moments. When he had hit rock bottom, Jack was there.

"Wait." Ianto shouted. Jack stopped in his track just as he had opened the door of the pub. "The truth is that I was a mess. I was drinking to forget everything but that didn't quite work. He just came over to talk to me and I … crashed. He was just there to talk to me. And it helped."

Jack suspiciously watched him. "Honesty … that's refreshing."

"I owe you that much," Ianto earnestly said. He knew he might be making a mistake. But he figured he'd blame it on Jack if it all blew up on his face. Jack Daniels, that is.

"Are you okay now?" the Captain asked as he shut the door of the pub. The noise immediately faded and suddenly the smallest of noises became so very loud.

"I'm … better."

"I suppose 'okay' is a lot to hope for in your situation." Jack said. Much to Ianto's surprise, the tone of voice was gentle and understanding. Ianto realised that perhaps Jack wasn't a stranger to loss.

Jack walked back to Ianto and stood a few inches from him. So close but the bridge between them felt so big. Nothing like it used to be. "How are you really, Ianto? For once, cut the bullshit and come clean with me. You told me no one ever asked about your life, I've been trying but you just keep shutting me out. It's not fair, I know you're …"

"I know," Ianto merely said. "And I'm sorry. I've just been … feeling so much. And I'm not good with words. But I appreciate you trying. Thank you."

"You still haven't answered my question. How are you?"

"I'm a wreck." Ianto admitted. There, he had said it out loud. To himself and to someone else. "I don't eat or sleep much. Drink too much, think too much. I'm depressed and it's scary. I feel alone and isolated. One moment I feel numb and the next, my chest is exploding. I panic. No one really gets me or even likes me. It all happened so fast and I don't know what to do with myself. I sometimes wish it would all end but I don't know how. I hurt every day, every night. Like I have rats in my stomach."

Jack nodded, trying to take in all information at once. One thought occurred to him, a thought he'd been scared off since the beginning. He decided to take advantage of Ianto's honesty and just take the plunge. "I'm going to ask you this once, Ianto and I expect an honest answer, even if it is hard. Have you thought about hurting yourself?"

"Yes." Ianto roughly replied. "Every day, every minute. I wouldn't do anything … it would be too easy. I don't deserve that courtesy."

Ianto could see Jack's eyes dilating in shock and it was soon replaced by an angry scowl. "I'm going to keep an eye on you." A little kinder, he added: "Make sure you're not asking too much of yourself."

"I'd like that." Ianto replied. "But only if you want to."

"You are so very drunk," Jack laughed. "That would be the only way you'd be this honest with me."

Ianto shrugged. He looked up into the sky and noticed a few drops of rain tumbling down to earth. One hit him on the right cheek and it rolled down, gently following the salty trail his tears had left. "At this moment, honesty is all I got." He said gravely. "And yeah I've had a few too many. But don't worry, Giacomo already had the worst bit." He swayed a bit, contrasting what he had just said. "Maybe I should go home. I … don't really belong in there anyway."

"I'll drive you." Jack informed him promptly, leaving no room for discussion.

"No," Ianto replied. "You've got … things."

"You're not driving yourself home, Ianto. You're not fit to get behind the wheel."

"I know, I'll call a cab. You just … go back to … inside."

"Now I know that wasn't a Freudian slip. Why don't you want me to drive you home?"

Ianto sighed, too tired to fight Jack. "You seem to be having a good time with that girl. Go back inside and have fun. She seemed nice. You deser- need a girl."

"I've already excused myself and asked for her number," Jack smiled. "Now, let's go."

They drove silently to Ianto's apartment. Jack hadn't been there many times – and most of the time he'd been in a hurry but he had his address programmed in his GPS.

The radio played soft, melancholic music and the tones drifted in the air, drowning out the deafening silence between the two men.

Ianto stared out the window, watching thick drops of rain go down on the window. He liked it when it rained. For some reason he didn't feel as alone. As if the earth, the sky and whatever deity ruled the heavens was crying with him. His cheeks were dry, he hiccupped once in a while and his heart felt heavy. But inside, he was being torn apart; just like he had been for the last few weeks.

Jack drove the car cautiously. The rain made the roads slippery and there were a lot of nuts on the road. Occasionally he glanced at Ianto, still staring profusely at the raindrops. He felt sadness overcome him. He'd rather have Ianto shout at him than this. He'd even prefer him to beg at his knees for his life, punch him so that his lip split in two and fight him like he had done _that night. _Anything but this. He'd never seen him this lost, hopeless and hurt.

Despite everything, he still considered Ianto his friend. He'd shared laughter, tears and even his bed with him. He'd shown loyalty to him – as Ianto had to him, and little could change his experiences. Even if sometimes for one second a terrifying thought crept up in his mind: what if it had all been a lie? What if Ianto had not meant all of that and it was just meant as a distraction to save _her_?

He glanced at him once more and shook his head. It didn't matter at this moment. Ianto didn't have anyone to stay with him tonight so the responsibility came down to him, even if it wasn't his burden to carry. Or maybe it was. He wondered if he had been a better friend or boss and maybe even asked how he was once in a while, maybe Ianto would have told him about Lisa. 'How could I have been so stupid' he thought to himself. 'I've slept with him so many times and not once did I see that he wasn't okay. Fuck.'

Ianto's little flat was different from the last time he visited it. He remembered it quite clearly. It was the night before Lisa was discovered and they pretty much had made love on every available surface. It was spotless clean, cosy and it was starting to feel like home. Since then, he had refused to go back to the flat. He'd rather meet up with him outside – with the excuse that Ianto needed to get out – or he'd rather phone him. That was part of the deal. One month of suspension, they'd meet up every 3 days but Ianto had to phone him every night, telling Jack two things that he had done that could be labelled as 'productive'. Jack refused to let Ianto wallow.

Now, the flat was cold, dark and messy. The shades were down; clothes, magazines and DVD's were scattered on the floor and it was – to put it lightly – dirty. His sink was filled with unwashed dishes, whatever was in the fridge had gone off and turned to something Jack couldn't even recognise, his laundry had not been done in weeks.

Horrified, Jack stood frozen in the doorway. Ianto had let himself go. He'd stopped caring.

Ianto himself expertly walked over the mess and knew exactly where to put his feet so he didn't trip over anything. Jack followed suit, not quite trusting Ianto's wordless complaints.

The bedroom was surprisingly clean. It needed a bit of dusting and the bed was unmade but the rest was organized and tidy. It gave Jack a glimmer of hope and contentment. 'Maybe it wasn't that bad' he thought. And then he saw a framed picture of Lisa on his chest of drawers, with a golden diamond ring in front of it.

It was the first time he saw her as she was, as a human. She was indeed beautiful and had a sense of kindness about her. For one moment, he saw her as Ianto had seen her. She was just a girl.

Ianto had caught Jack looking at the picture. "I was going to give her that ring." he sadly said. "I just …" he swallowed. "I just never got round to it."

"It looks like an engagement ring." Jack noted, his voice barely a whisper.

"I was planning on marrying her." Ianto stated, his voice as cold as ice. He fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, his coordination was off because of the Jack Daniels.

"Let me help you with that." Jack offered kindly. He touched Ianto's hand and felt them slowly relent. After a few seconds, Ianto conceded and let his hands fall to his sides. Jack worked slowly, button after button and watched as his chest was slowly unveiled. He noticed the countless bruises and cuts on his chest and wondered vaguely how he had caught them.

As if Ianto could read his mind, he spoke. "Weevils have been restless lately."

"They attacked you?" Jack asked, his voice a bit higher than he'd liked.

"A few times but I dealt with it."

"You should've asked Owen to back you up!" Jack sharply said. "You shouldn't mess with them."

"I did but Owen was … _busy_."

Ignoring the obvious sarcasm, Jack rolled his eyes. "You should've asked ME then."

"Doesn't matter. I'm fine."

"Yeah," Jack replied. "You're doing absolutely _brilliant_."

"I'm doing the best I can!" Ianto repeated heatedly. His hands were shaking and there it was again … a tight knot of panic in his chest. He took a few deep breaths and the knot loosened gradually as if by sheer will.

Jack slid the shirt off his shoulders and sat on the bed as he unbuttoned the pants, his hands caressing Ianto's hips and legs as he pushed the fabric down. He took a peep at Ianto's face and smirked as he saw him with half closed eyes, obviously enjoying the touch.

He chuckled as he got off the bed, noticing an annoyed expression on Ianto's face. "Come on," Jack whispered. "Let's get you into bed."

"You're a pro in that" Ianto joked, he chuckled but soon stopped. He cleared his throat and added 'I've missed you'.

Jack laughed. "You have been drinking." But he nodded as well, showing Ianto either that he understood or that the feeling was mutual. Which one of those it was, Ianto didn't know.

With effort, Ianto laid himself on the bed, concentrating on the ceiling as the walls swirled around him. Jack sat by his side on the bed and covered him in the warm blankets.

"I'm sorry I got drunk." Ianto said. "I just …"

"Doesn't matter," Jack kindly retorted. "Just sleep now. You'll feel better in the morning."

Ianto suddenly looked really sad and a little sigh escaped him.

"What are you thinking about?" Jack asked, enjoying the fact that Ianto was being loose lipped.

"What if no one will ever like me again?" he asked, for the first time verbalising his fears.

"Don't worry, you've got friends."

Ianto scoffed. "Those that don't know about Lisa, think I'm weird for walking around with a long face. They … don't know. About anything. And those that do … they hate me for obvious reasons."

"We don't hate you." Jack firmly replied.

"They don't like me either. I'm avoided like the plague and when I'm talked to …" Another sigh. "I can see that they don't trust me. And that they'd rather talk to someone else than me. It's easier to be quiet and … go by unnoticed."

Jack kicked off his shoes and tossed his greatcoat on a chair in the corner. He tiptoed to the other side of the bed and slid in, with his clothes still on. "I still like you." he whispered. He extended his arm and took Ianto by his hand, encouraging him to come closer. Ianto soon snuggled in Jack's protective embrace.

"Will you stay here tonight?" he asked with a scared voice.

"Yes, Ianto, I'm not leaving you on your own tonight."

Ianto squeezed Jack's hand as a sign of thanks. Jack got the message and planted a kiss on his forehead. That's the thing about Jack and Ianto. Often they didn't need words to get a message across, a simple gesture was sufficient.

Slowly Ianto fell asleep as Jack toyed with the small curls above Ianto's neck, thinking that maybe Giacomo was right. Maybe there is always someone, if you know where to look and if you were brave enough to open up your heart to another human being.

"Don't go." Ianto whispered between dreams.

"I won't," Jack replied softly, not sure if Ianto was awake enough to hear. "I'll always be here."


	83. Chapter 83 : A very Tochwood Valentine's

A/N: inspired by a little poem (in the story) I saw on tumblr. Enjoy!

Ianto was busy shouting into his earpiece 'No Owen, I put that file in the ARCHIVES, where it belongs!'

One second of silence and then a dramatic rolling of the eyes. 'OWEN! Don't you DARE!'

Before he could continue his rant over his bluetooth ear piece, the connection abruptly got cut off. He threw a towel against a wall and cursed loudly.

'Ianto' a voice behind him said.

'What the fuck do you want now?' Ianto angrily replied. He turned around and saw a sheepishly grinning Jack leaning against the door. 'Oh' Ianto said. 'I thought you were Owen.'

Jack nodded, a self-satisfied smile playing on his lips and his hands behind his back.

'What are you looking so smug for?' Ianto asked, still quite irritated.

'Well, the oddest thing happened.' Jack said, his hands still firmly held behind his back. 'There was a rose on my desk.'

Ianto started filling the kitchen basin with water to clean the last of today's empty cups. 'Hmm really?'

'Yeah,' Jack added as he eyed up Ianto's features. 'Weird, isn't it? I wonder who left it there.'

'Not sure. It is Valentine's day. It could be Cupid.' Ianto replied, a smile playing upon his lips.

'Perhaps, maybe Cupid. I, for one, think it was you, Ianto.'

'Oh really, what makes you think that, Jack?

'Well' Jack said. 'The hot cup of coffee and the little chocolate hearts beside it gave me a clue' He leaned up against the basin, right next to Ianto. He was close enough to smell his cologne. _That_ cologne he loved so very much.

When Ianto didn't reply, Jack held out his right hand to him. 'Here, I got you this card.'

'A card?' Ianto asked in a rather sarcastic tone. 'I get you flowers, a hot drink and candy and you get me a card.'

'Hey, come on Ianto. Don't knock it until you've read it!'

Ianto quickly dried off his hands on his trousers and carelessly opened the envelope. It showed a card of one puppy licking a kitten. 'Cute' he said.

'Well I do know you like puppies and kittens.' Jack stated flatly.

Ianto started reading aloud:

'_Dear Ianto,_

_Thank you so much for your gifts. They were really delicious. Not the rose obviously, I didn't eat that.'_

Ianto looked to his side and gave Jack a 'did-you-really-write-that-down-look. Jack just nodded and said 'keep reading'.

'_To say thanks, I wrote you a little poem.'_

'Poetry Jack?' Ianto said suspiciously. 'You write poetry now?'

'Well you did go through all the trouble of buying me roses and chocolate AND making me coffee. Least I could do.'

Ianto returned to the card and continued reading aloud:

'_Here goes nothing:_

_Roses are red_

_Grass is greener_

_When I think of you_

_I touch my wiener'_

Ianto blinked twice and suddenly roared with laughter, quickly joined in by Jack. Ianto looked sideways to his lover, grabbed his shirt and pulled him into for a kiss. 'Thank you' he whispered.

'For what?' Jack laughed. 'Showing you my immense rhyming talent?'

'No Jack. Thank you for making me laugh. It's what I truly needed.'

Jack nodded, gave him another peck on the cheek and whispered 'It's what I'm here for.'


	84. Chapter 84: Trick Or Treat Or Else

Ianto walked around the Hub, with a spring in his step. He carefully laid down some pumpkins on the ground or on the table tops. He hummed as he strolled through the working areas. 'I love Halloween' he thought.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he smugly smiled. His face was painted white, lips ruby red, dark rings around his eyes, fangs as teeth, hair slicked back, high collar and of course … black cape underneath his usual immaculate suit. 'Ah yes,' he thought. 'I make a fine Dracula'

He had already startled Gwen and Tosh but to his regret, Owen just shook his head and muttered 'Count Fagula' underneath his breath.

He had not seen Jack however. He had promised to make an effort for Halloween this year and he could not wait to see what he would dress up as. The girls made some effort with Gwen opting for fairy wings and a tiara and Tosh had went for a sexy librarian look. However, it could've also been her regular attire that she had brushed off as a Halloween costume.

He wanted to scream bloody murder when Jack strutted – because the Captain never walked into a room subtly, he always needed to be seen … and heard – into the Hub dressed as his usual self.

Jack walked into the "kitchen area", opened the fridge and started eating that subway sandwich Ianto had bought for him. Just as he wanted to take a bite out of it, he locked eyes with Ianto – looking angry and truly well pissed off. Nearly as bad as that time he decided to make coffee himself … and nearly broke the damned machine in the Hub. Not a pleasant talk that was.

'Jack' Ianto firmly said.

'Ianto' the Captain answered. He blinked as he took in the sight before him… Ianto dressed as Dracula. Jack was stunned – and slightly aroused. Guyliner really looked good on Ianto. 'Why are you dressec like Dra-' he stopped mid-sentence as he remembered the promise he made. 'Oh' he added.

'JACK!' Ianto bellowed. 'I look like a right idiot! I'm the only one that dressed up!'

'Well there's Gwen …'

A sharp glance directed at him made Jack stop immediately. That's what he liked about Ianto. He's genuinely a nice and kind soul but he's angry, he's quite scary. It's scared him … and thrilled him.

'Look .. I am dressed up!' he offered. 'I'm dressed up like myself!'

Ianto shook his head.

'I …' Jack started once more. 'I'm dressed like a 1940's soldier?' he said, more a question than a statement.

Ianto threw him his very best are-you-freaking-kidding-me-with-that-look.

Suddenly Jack smiled and his eyes twinkled dangerously. He took off his coat and came closer to Ianto. He fumbled around Ianto's neck and no matter how hard Ianto slapped his hands, he wouldn't let go. He undid Ianto's tie and wrapped it around his head.

'Jack, you look like an idiot'

'Shhhhtt … wait for it, you'll love it' the older man said. He lunged into the fridge again, took out a bottle filled with white fluid, uncorked it with his teeth and he started swaying heavily on his feet. He held out his hand and pointed at Ianto. With a drunken lisp he said one sentence that made Ianto crack up.

'_But why is the rum gone?'_


End file.
